Chapter Text
Her paleness continued throughout the waning morning. The getaway headache didn’t need to be feigned because it felt as if a sledgehammer had been smashing into her temple since she started the drive home from their busy morning. At one point, Nesta pulled over near a sheer drop to hurl up her brunch while her sisters gripped the seats, hoping the car wouldn’t roll over the edge as she retched.
Feyre and Elain practically chased Nesta up to her room; the latter believing she had sun stroke. They promised to check on her later on. As the door closed, she heard Elain’s mumblings that she hoped Nesta wouldn’t be unwell for the wedding.
With the air conditioning churning out as much frigid air as possible, Nesta sprawled out on the bed, hoping a few hours sleep would chase away the hangover from hell.
Thankfully, it did.
In the late afternoon, Nesta wasn’t back up to one hundred percent but the thought of food didn’t leave her completely nauseous either.
Most of the small wedding party was to be found at the poolside. The sight of Cassian dripping wet with gleaming muscles and rugged tattoos would have once stirred something in Nesta. Now, she wrinkled up her nose at his cheap, cliched inking and wondered how many hours he spent grunting and sweating in the mirror to achieve his physique.
Rather than join the unwanted extension to the family by the pool, Nesta made a beeline for Feyre who was some distance away in the shade with Nyx to keep him out of the sun.
‘How is your heat stroke?’
The sarcasm dripped from Feyre’s tone.
‘Much better. I need something full of ice and sugar. Can I get you two anything?’
Feyre perked up at that. ‘A babysitter would be delightful.’
She couldn’t help the snort that came out. Her sister never did struggle to palm her child off on others. ‘Does the child have no father?’
Rhysand was also preening by the pool – no dad bod in sight. He basked in the attention of roving eyes.
‘We haven’t had a holiday in ages. Please, Nesta.’
She picked up the squirming Nyx to blow a kiss on his bare belly. ‘It’s a good job that I like you.’
They spent a nice hour together dipping between the shade and the shallow baby pool. Although children were tiring and Nesta had given up a lot of her youth to taking care of her sisters, there was still a yearning in her chest for one she could call her own. She wanted to be called mama. Wanted somebody to need her as much as she needed them. Nyx lay on the blanket beside her, tugging a thin, cotton blanket over his eyes and giggling each time she yanked it off.
‘You’re a natural, Nes.’
‘Not you,’ she said with a drawn-out groan.
Uninvited, Cassian sat at the bottom of the blanket. Nyx waddled over to his outstretched arms as he babbled.
‘Traitor,’ muttered Nesta.
‘Can’t help it if everybody loves me, Nes.’
‘Debatable.’
Cassian flashed a broad grin then sprawled out on the blanket.
‘You should come and join us.’
Nesta gave him a saccharine smile. ‘I’m afraid I might drown you which would put a damper on my little sister’s big day although I think I would be doing everybody a favour.’
His large, tan hand reached to rub along her calf, but she drew it away from him with a scowl.
‘What the hell are you doing?’
He pushed himself up onto his elbows. ‘I miss you. Everywhere I look, couples are in love and it’s got me thinking about us.’
She pressed her fingers against her temples, fighting against the wave of anger blighting her vision. ‘There is no us. I hate that there ever was an us. I’m sure Morrigan is available for a quick leg over.’
Dark hair was shaken from his face. ‘Nesta, look. It’s a wedding. We’re both in the wedding party. It could just be casual while we’re here.’
The audacity of this man. No, she did not want a relationship – and no, she definitely did not want to hook up with him ever again.
‘I’ll be sure to tell my boyfriend that I’ll be having a casual fling with my ex while we’re here.’
Cassian narrowed his hazel eyes at her then tilted his head like a predator sizing up its prey. His lips pursed, about to pass a comment when Elain, mercifully, joined them. A bright smile lightened her face.
‘Lucien has returned from a day spent gallivanting with his family. We’re going to grab an early dinner if any of you would like to come.’
‘Maybe Nesta and her imaginary boyfriend would enjoy it.’
Elain turned her head sharply in her direction. ‘What’s this?’
‘Yes. My imaginary boyfriend.’ Nesta rolled her eyes.
‘Well, who is he?’
Elain sat forwards on her knees. ‘You have a boyfriend? Why didn’t you say anything?’
Just then, she spotted the vivid, red hair of Eris. He looked as worse for wear as she felt, thankfully. The thin, white shirt he wore was rumpled as badly as his hair and she wondered whether his sunglasses were more to hide his own hangover than to fend off the sun.
She said a quick prayer to anybody who was listening that Eris would play the game rather than leaving her with egg on her face.
Nesta waved a hand, catching his attention then beckoned him over.
He murmured something to his father and – for a split second – there was a sinking feeling in her gut that she would be the butt of his joke too, but then Eris diverted from the path and took a slow, confident walk their way. It brought her an immeasurable amount of joy to see Cassian noticeably stiffen at his approach.
A lie hadn’t been able to formulate quick enough on her tongue. Elain greeted him jovially while Cassian outright ignored him. Nesta fumbled with her tongue, trying to concoct something quickly that was convincing enough to pull the wool over their eyes, but not complex enough to confuse Eris about why she’d called him over. At the moment, her brain felt like cotton wool that ideas couldn’t formulate upon.
‘May I steal your lovely sister, Elain? Top secret wedding plans,’ came Eris’ deep, smooth voice.
Elain, who had always loved surprises, made an excited squeal and nodded vigorously. His long, pale fingers were extended to Nesta. She wasted no time and clasped her fingers around the hand reaching out for her.
They said nothing until they were out of earshot from the others. Eris nudged her. ‘I can recognise a damsel in distress when I see one. Are you okay?’
Nesta let out a sigh. ‘Yes. Cassian being his usual delightful self. And now we need to think of a surprise for the happy couple.’
When they rounded the corner, Eris led the way inside the hotel. Only when the elevator doors closed, locking them into mirrored lift, did Eris let out a long groan. His shoulders slumped as he collapsed against the wall.
‘Please tell me you feel as shit as me. I have never been hungover like this in my life.’
Nesta raised the sunglasses from his nose. He appeared as if he’d smeared ash beneath his eyes.
‘How do you look like a supermodel and I look like I’ve crawled out of a gutter.’
Supermodel? She liked him.
‘I did spend the morning throwing up my breakfast, but I’ve had the luxury of taking a nap rather than sight seeing with mama and papa.’
The elevator pinged and Eris gestured for Nesta to lead the way. She wasn’t entirely sure where they were going. Not to his room again. That had been a mistake. Hadn’t it? She still hadn’t decided. Despite her head warring with itself, her feet were leading them down the tiled corridor towards her room anyway.
‘Nesta, I think I need to vomit in your toilet.’
She grimaced whilst unlocking the door. ‘A very interesting way to gain access to my bedroom – but effective nonetheless.’
Eris murmured in agreement beside her, a sheen of sweat glistening on his brow while his lips were pressed firmly together. He wasted no time in jostling past her to reach the bathroom and – rather than hear him retching – she headed out onto the balcony. The sounds of laughter and music from the pool below were preferable to his vomit hitting the toilet bowl, poor thing.
A broken man joined her a short while later, shaking his head. ‘I have never had a hangover like this.’
‘Then I regret to inform you that you have a storm coming your way too.’
Eris glanced at the balcony then Nesta, perhaps debating his chances on survival if he jumped. Unlikely on the sixth floor.
She brandished her phone at him, only realising afterwards that maybe it wasn’t the wisest decision to show him her naked body sprawled and spread open again.
‘Do you want to watch it together or something?’
‘Watch it? No, Eris. I would like to know why I have a video of you having sex with me on my phone.’
This bastard had the audacity to grin at her.
‘You were very insistent we film it.’
She sucked in her gasp. ‘I would never-‘
‘That was your favourite phrase last night too,’ he continued. He shucked back his head with a laugh then carried on, in a poor imitation of her voice, ‘I never have one-night stands. I never do this on first dates. I would never let a man-’
‘Enough.’
Heat crawled up her neck. It was unwanted evidence testifying to her embarrassment of whatever had unfurled between her and Eris the previous night. She stormed inside, emotions grappling to seize control of her. Eris’ slow, sure steps followed a moment later and he took a seat on the edge of the bed.
‘I promise you, Nesta, that you have the only copy of what we did. I will not speak a word of it – on my honour as a Vanserra.’
She scrubbed her face with her hands then reluctantly sat beside him. ‘I am mortified.’
His voice carried the softness of the first days of spring. ‘Why? We had fun. We’re single. We used protection if that’s what you’re worried about. You can’t remember any of it?’
There were flashes of memory that had come to her throughout the day. Her bare back pinned against a wall with her thighs wrapped around Eris’ waist. The hot press of his tongue as he went down on her. Using the mirrored wardrobe to full effect.
‘I’m not like that,’ she murmured.
An entire high school being called a prude because she refused to date any of the braindead boys it had to offer. Her reluctance to even date in college because her education was the priority, balanced with working to claw as much money as she could. Even now when she had the time to date, Nesta could come up with a list of excuses not to, and a longer list to turn down every date who managed to get close enough.
‘I don’t have one-night stands.’
‘Well,’ said Eris before taking in a breath and leaning back on his elbows. ‘Why does it have to be a one-night stand?’
Her gaze snagged his. She’d never met anybody with eyes like his. They reminded her of the autumn sun filtering through trees.
‘Because you’re…’
‘Irresistibly handsome? Intimidatingly intelligent?’
‘We both have busy jobs.’
‘By choice,’ he countered. ‘I can easily drop hours – and so can you.’
She exhaled through her nose. ‘Okay, but it would be weird for Lucien and Elain.’
‘No, it wouldn’t. I see Lucien twice a year and I would wager you see Elain only a little bit more.’
Damn this man. Nesta threw up her hands. ‘You have about nineteen dogs.’
‘Twelve – who are all very well trained and I’d even get a cat because I have a feeling you’re a cat person.’
Nesta was, but she wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of admitting it. All of her usual rebuttals weren’t able to be thrown his way. He had a job. Yes, he did technically live at home but he had his own annexe away from his family. He had savings. He had no baggage – no ex-wife or children for her to play wicked step-mother to. He had never been to jail, didn’t smoke, didn’t have tattoos. She was running out of reasons to say no.
Eris trailed a finger down her bare arm towards her elbow in a deliberately slow movement. ‘I thought you wanted a fake date for your sister’s wedding?’
The sensation of his skin on hers again elicited a shiver of pleasure. ‘I can manage a fake date.’
‘Is that what you would like me to do?’ Eris had sat back up and his arm curled around her back, drawing her closer. ‘Do we just tack “fake” in front of it and pretend none of this is real?’
‘None of what?’ she lied.
‘This,’ he murmured.
His fingers drifted down her spine. It made her eyes shutter close.
Flashes of last night came to her – not just the passion, but the softness too. The pair of them giggling when Eris’ knee slipped off the bed, taking the rest of him down to the floor. The way he held her after she came, kissing her forehead and calling her beautiful. How he had stroked her hair as they were drifting off to sleep.
Eris moved forwards, lips parting slightly.
Nesta intercepted him with a finger. ‘I don’t care how handsome you are. Half an hour ago, you were throwing up in my toilet. Not a chance.’
***
After a couple of hours holed up in the bedroom – not repeating the previous night – Nesta’s stomach gave a loud grumble. Eris, in his swift thinking, had come up with a surprise for the bride and groom. They’d assemble a photo montage of the happy couple throughout the years to play over his speech. He was digitally savvy so could access every photo ever taken via an online portal whilst Nesta was a digital hoarder who carried her hard drive with her everywhere. They’d scoured their memories, pausing occasionally to show each other pictures of themselves in their younger days. There was one of Nesta taken at a ballet recital. Neither parent could attend so another girl’s mother had taken pity on Nesta and taken her photo too. There was one of Eris holding baby Lucien. His beautiful red hair had been massacred by a buzzcut and he looked less than impressed with his younger brother’s arrival. Another had Eris brandishing a puppy at the lens while Lucien stood next to him, sucking a thumb.
‘Both my sisters married off,’ she lamented.
‘And you’re left to be a lonely, old spinster,’ he said, patting her hand.
‘I will have you know that Cassian has offered to be my fling this weekend. No strings attached, lucky me.’
That did make Eris laugh then he pretended to retch. He had offered to be her fake date retrospectively, so perhaps it was time for the truth. Nesta closed her laptop then turned to face him.
‘Eris,’ she started.
‘Nesta,’ he said, offering a smile.
‘I may have told Cassian that I didn’t need his offer because I was here with my boyfriend.’
His brows raised. ‘More than a fake date, a fake boyfriend. I’m honoured.’
‘But,’ she continued, pressing her fingers into his chest. ‘Feyre heard us last night. Or, you and the floozy you were with. So, if you have any quick-talking plans to get us out of this trap, I am all ears.’
Painfully slowly, Eris shut his own laptop as his mind ticked away. He stared at nothing in particular, but Nesta could already tell a plan was formulating in his mind.
‘I can think of a few options. The first is that I was with a “floozy” and cheated on you – or that we aren’t serious or have an open relationship.’
She wrinkled up her nose. ‘Really? The first night of vacation and you’re already in someone else’s arms? Do you want Cassian to punch you?’
Her body slipped down the pillows, stomach emitting another rumble of hunger.
‘Or, we own it. Yes, we had incredible sex all night. Your sister has a child. I’m sure she understands how they’re made.’
‘But,’ Nesta said, but her own protest couldn’t formulate on her tongue. What was it that was holding her back? That people would know she was having sex? That Cassian would know?
‘Let’s get dinner. If your stomach keeps making that noise, I’m worried for my own safety.’
How could Eris be so collected about this? Men never had to shoulder the same burdens as women when it came to these matters. Where Eris would be applauded, Nesta would meet whispers and raised brows.
Their dinner was relatively pain free. Neither of them exhibited any sort of physical affection in the hotel’s restaurant, but their conversation surged with an electricity Nesta had not encountered before. Eris met her every step of the way intellectually. He showed photos from his day sight seeing and they discussed the history of the island, mythologies, then the conversation took them to architecture and economics. Not once did she feel like she needed to dumb herself down or hold back, and Eris never needed to explain concepts to her delicate, little mind. It was wonderful.
When Nesta went to grab her second pudding from the buffet, a formidable figure tailed her to the table. Cassian invited himself to the table. The wooden legs of the chair scraped noisily on the tiled floor as he drew out the chair to sit on. Eris regarded him with cool contempt.
‘We meet again.’
‘How’s your surprise for Lucien and Elain going?’
Nesta tamped down on the fury that he’d insert himself here just to irritate her.
‘You’ll see it tomorrow,’ continued Eris, voice not wavering from the utterly bored tone it exuded.
Cassian made a show of looking around the room like it was a pantomime. ‘Where’s your imaginary boyfriend, Nes?’
Beside her, Eris gasped. ‘You have an imaginary boyfriend?’
Nesta gave a bland smile. ‘Apparently so.’
Her silver eyes turned to Cassian like a cat bearing down on a mouse. ‘He’s sat here with me, can’t you see him?’
Somebody called his name. Nesta caught sight of Azriel striding through the doors, Mor at his heels followed by Rhysand. She couldn’t imagine herself being part of that group. She hadn’t really been back then either. Nesta had tried to take on their hobbies and hated every minute of it. She would count down the hours until she could go home and be herself again. The rare times that she did show herself, Mor would ask what her problem was and why a stick was jammed up her ass because she didn’t want to do shots with dinner.
Cassian did not say a farewell – nor did he tuck the chair back under the table – when he departed.
‘Maybe we’re in the Sixth Sense. Only you can see me.’
‘You’re pale enough to be a ghost,’ she said softly before digging into her green jelly.
Eris touched the spot over his heart, gasping slightly. ‘I’m ginger. I will burn if I go out there.’
Despite spending nearly half of the day with her, Eris was still not tired of Nesta’s company. He made her feel as if she was good enough exactly as she was. They took a stroll along the beach as the sun began its descent, with Nesta teasing it was the only time Eris could go out in the daylight hours without turning into a tomato. When he snaked his fingers into hers on the walk back, Nesta made no noise of protest. In fact, it was rather lovely.
As the hotel came into view, tension clawed up her spine and had her releasing Eris’ hand before she could question why. There was no reason to stop her from holding his hand. No reason except the confounded emphasis she put on others’ opinion of her. Nobody here mattered except for Elain, Feyre, and Nyx. Well, maybe Lucien a little bit. If they cared who she held hands with then maybe they didn’t have her best interests at heart because these hours with Eris had been easy. And that was how it was supposed to be, wasn’t it?
Against her mind who told her it was a bad idea from the start, Nesta’s heart took over. She reached for the hand hanging limply at Eris’ side. Surprise had his shoulders straightening then he squeezed her fingers.
‘I am just an imaginary boyfriend escorting his not-one-night-stand back to her sisters.’
‘You are more than that,’ she replied.
‘Am I?’
‘A dog dad too whose entire phone memory is consumed by photos of them.’
That made him smile. It stretched across his cheeks, brightening his amber eyes. He brought her fingers to his lips to kiss them.
***
That night, her room was invaded by Feyre and Elain except the former checked her phone constantly for messages from her beloved and the latter had a head filled with Lucien. Nesta could not complain too much. Her own heart was fluttering with thoughts about a different Vanserra and she couldn’t help but divert questions towards him while Elain babbled about the family she was marrying into. So far, she had discovered very little that was unpleasant about Eris. He seemed to have no skeletons in his closet – none that Elain spoke of anyway. By all accounts, he could be aloof and impersonal, but not a bad person. One committed to his work and ambition.
‘Lucien says he’s his mother’s favourite but Eris’ is his father’s. I feel sorry for the other brothers.’
‘Parents shouldn’t have favourites,’ replied Feyre, the curtness in her voice sharp enough to cut.
Easy to say when they’d watched Elain doted and adored by their father for years after their mother died. His beautiful brown-eyed girl, he used to say.
Oblivious, Elain went on. ‘We had a family dinner once. Lucien said they never happen because his parents despise each other but her family don’t approve of divorce, it would cause a scandal in their social circle, and he won’t let her take his money. Lucien thinks his parents have both had affairs too.’
Nesta’s grey eyes flickered over to the bottle of wine in Elain’s hands. It had been drained a lot quicker than Feyre’s. To protect her younger sister from a hangover on her wedding day, she gently prised the bottle from her hand then traded it for water and snacks from the minibar.
Eventually, Feyre returned to her room when the pull of Rhysand became too strong then Elain settled into Nesta’s bed for the night. Wrapped up in excitement for a lifetime of love, sleep found her sister easily. She pulled the thin sheet around Elain, turned the air conditioning down, then lay on the lounger out on the balcony. After spending time with others, Nesta had always needed to decompress. It was still warm despite the darkness. The moon hung like a pearl in the sky, scattering silver light onto the black waves. Distantly, she could make out the sounds of crickets chirping near the dunes.
With another glance over her shoulder that Elain was fast asleep and not peering over her shoulder, Nesta turned down the volume on her phone and trawled back through her gallery. The intention had been to watch the video for a few seconds then delete it, but once she had pressed play, Nesta found herself unable to stop watching. She hadn’t realised she was that flexible.
One watch through was enough. It didn’t leave her curling with embarrassment as she expected, but as she clicked the delete button, a sudden jolt of sadness rocked her. She supposed she had thirty days to retrieve it from the recycling bin. Or, a voice which sounded a lot like Eris’ said, they could always film more.
***
When Elain turned to her that morning, veil peeled back so Nesta could see her beautiful face, she had to force down a sob. Nesta wasn’t her mother, but she had done her part in raising her. Her gorgeous, little sister was now a bride.
‘You look stunning,’ she said, dabbing at her eyes.
Elain fanned her face. ‘Please don’t set me off crying again, Nesta.’
It only happened three times that morning: as soon as Elain had woken up, when Feyre had arrived with the flowers, and then when she’d shown her a picture of Nyx already in a darling waistcoat with a bowtie.
‘This is why I eloped,’ said Feyre with a sharp-toothed grin from the vanity.
Nesta held back her comments. They married quickly so Feyre didn’t have time to consider it properly or to run away from her prick of a husband.
‘It will be you next, Nesta.’
The confidence in Elain’s voice was admirable. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. While they continued with the finishing touches on their hair and makeup, Nesta did find herself daydreaming about her own nuptials one day. Not a beach wedding like Elain – if she ever had to see sand again, she’d scream. Destination weddings were ruled out largely too because Nesta spent enough time travelling on planes to every corner of the country. A small voice whispered that Eris would probably want his dogs at the wedding. She felt herself blushing at her own thoughts. Why the hell was she thinking about what Eris would want at a wedding?
Elain had both of her sisters walk her down the aisle, declaring she wouldn’t be where she is now without them. The wedding went off without a hitch. Despite the sand. Despite the heat. Everything was beautiful for the newlyweds.
She did spare some sympathy for the pale-skinned, red-haired Vanserras who would burn if exposed to the sunlight for too long. Seemingly catching her thought process, Eris threw her a grin.
When it came to photographs, it was no surprise when the tallest siblings were paired together. Eris’ hand slid around her hip as they stood sidelong besides Lucien and Elain, with Feyre and Rhysand the other side of them.
‘I am so sorry,’ murmured Nesta. ‘I have not stopped sweating since we woke up.’
‘Heat or nerves?’
They flashed bright smiles for the camera.
‘Both.’
Another few rounds of dazzling camera lights fizzing at them coupled with the sun overhead had Nesta fanning her face during the respite. Eris slid over to her.
‘If you can handle smelling like me and the fact it’s been smeared all over my armpits,’ he said, ‘here.’
From his pocket, he produced a roll-on deodorant. And Nesta had never been so thankful for deodorant in her life. Using Eris as a shield, Nesta smeared her sweaty pits with a cool kick fragrance, whatever that was then stood with her hands on her hips to let it dry. This should have been awkward. A man offering her deodorant shouldn’t have had her breathing a sigh of relief or feeling glad that he was around. Yet, Nesta found it easy to be around Eris. Even from the first day that they’d met when she had sprinted into his house to escape Cassian and the dogs, it had been easy between them.
The venue for their reception was small, intimate and blessedly air conditioned.
Nesta had already done her duty at the engagement party so she could sit back and listen to the speeches after their meal. Maybe she was biased, but Eris’ had been the best. It was quick and clever, set to the backdrop of their photo presentation down memory lane – which he gave her a heaping of praise for to the crowd. Elain clutched her hand, tears steadily falling as she watched and listened. They did a good job with the hurried surprise.
Once the first dances were done and more feet descended upon the dance floor, Eris glanced at her. Her lips twitched in response. It took only heartbeats for him to rise and extend a hand once more to her.
‘You cannot look at me like that and expect me not to sweep you off your feet.’
‘Am I at risk of being swept off my feet?’
Her fingers curled around his palm as she stood, hands fitting together perfectly. Her chest brushed his sending a pulse of need through her body. It was not the same need that had made her shed her clothes and loosen her inhibitions. This need started off slow, unfurling like the petals of a flower as the sun rises. She wanted to be held by Eris, wanted to spend an evening at his side.
‘Definitely. Your imaginary boyfriend is an impeccable dancer.’
And that he was.
A band had been hired which suited Lucien and Elain’s tastes perfectly. They were a folky group, singing their favourite songs, and some of which Nesta actually knew.
Eris spun her once, twice, three times, then she was in his arms. Her own looped around his neck. The heat of his palms brushed against her spine. For once, Nesta was not aware of who was watching or what they’d think. The thought never even crossed her mind because there was only him.
‘I never went to prom,’ she murmured. ‘This is like one of those moments, isn’t it?’
The band played a song she knew from a film. It was slow and tugged at her heartstrings.
Eris gave her another coy smile. ‘I never went either. I had a national debate competition in the morning.’
‘Why am I not surprised?’
‘Because you already know me. Just as I felt like I already knew you the first time we met. Because we’re the same. We’re twin flames.’
‘Oh.’
She had whispered it, voice tender and fragile.
‘Eris.’
He tipped his face closer to hers so she could feel his breath on her skin, feel the thrumming of his heart against her own chest.
Nesta whispered, ‘I think I am being swept off my feet.’
His hands clamped to her lower back as he lifted her and took a slow spin on the spot, while her own arms remained locked around his neck. Her smile was real. It refused to go even when Nesta wanted to banish it.
‘Well and truly swept?’
‘Well and truly swept,’ she agreed.
His lips brushed against the delicate shell of her ear and she was nearly brought to her knees from the tenderness of it. ‘Not bad for an imaginary boyfriend.’
Nesta kissed his cheek. Her lips brushed against his hard, elegant cheekbones. ‘This is the best fake date I’ve ever had.’