Chapter Text
Brandon
Whenever I look at Nikolai I get a flashback of all the things we've been through. A mafia prince who chased me and made me addicted to the point where I couldn't even imagine living without him. After years of being together we got married in Italy and our married life has been as perfect as our dating period.
1
I've always struggled with my image. First because I was the less talented twin then because of what happened with Grace. It took me years of therapy to watch myself in the mirror again. But sometimes I felt myself relapsing and I couldn't help it. Though it wasn't as bad as before. I am married now, so I didn't cut myself anymore. Nikolai was extremely observant, he caught on things before I did sometimes. He is the best part of my life. My constant and I'll always be thankful that he chose me. Also he is extremely protective. If he sees this, he'll be really disappointed.
Currently I'm standing in front of the bathroom mirror. My clothes piled on the floor beside my feet. I run my fingers over the cut on my neck.
It's faint, barely there. What really steals your attention is the hickey above it. Niko always kisses my scars before placing a hickey above it. It's something we've survived together. I survived because he was with me.
That's why I'm standing here on a random Thursday while he is in the office.
I just wish I was a bit more stronger than this.
I feel so tired.
I don't hear anything until Nikolai steps into the space with me. His eyes snap to mine through the mirror. I have half a mind to lie but I feel exhausted. I want to be held.
As if he knows what I want, his hands curls around my waist and splyas over my abdomen. My head falls back onto his shoulder at the touch.
He kisses my temple.
"You are the most beautiful thing I've ever laid my eyes on"
My eyes sting and a whimper leaves my mouth. I turn around burrowing my face in his neck. He holds me for a long time, just whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Then he grabs a bathrobe, wraps it around me and guides me into the bedroom. I lie down on the bed and he follows.
"Can you tell me what's wrong?"
He whispers, not wanting to startle me.
"I feel exhausted"
He pulls me closer. It's an unconscious move.
"What can I do to help you?"
Nikolai has always been impulsive but he tries to do things my way when it gets tough.
"Just be here."
"Always, baby"
"I want to get better, for you"
Not because we are married or I'm obligated to but I want to be the husband he deserves.
"You are already perfect. You know what the best part is?"
"What?"
"That you are mine."
I just stare at him.
"Out of all the things you have given me, you fought, you survived, you gave me a chance to love you and you love me in return. That's more than I could ask. I love you for who you are and I'll continue to do so until the end of my time."
I put my hand on his mouth shaking my head.
I don't want to talk about dying right now.
I don't think I'm strong enough to survive if something happens to him.
He kisses my fingers one by one.
"That's why we are going to survive and build a life together. You can lean on me anytime, I'll hold you and I'll love you even more when you are tired"
I don't have enough words to express my gratitude so I just lean forward and press my lips against his. He reciprocates instantly.
"Don't hide yourself from me, okay?"
"Okay"
I have many questions. Like why did he not get mad at me? Why is he so good to me? And what is he doing home at this time?
I don't ask any of them right now. I just curl myself around him and feel our hearts beating in sync.
2
"Nikolai"
I call out as soon as he enters the house but he ignores me and goes to the guest room.
I sigh at the door closing behind him.
This is not good.
When we woke up this morning, Niko was on the edge, at the start of his high. I told him we should just take leave from the office and stay home but he had something important lined up, he said he'll be back in two hours.
He didn't.
I dropped everything and went to his office just in case something was wrong. He was in a heated argument with someone. Jeremy was trying to pull him back while Vaughn stood in between Niko and some other guy but both of them weren't backing down. I rushed to him, hoping to get him back home. But in a moment of rage he pushed me away. I don't think he realised it was me. I staggered back just a step before gaining my balance back. His wide eyes snapped to mine. He abandoned his argument and held my face in his hands.
"Are you okay?"
I clutch his cheek.
"I'm okay. It's ok"
He dropped his hand, clenched his jaw and left without a look back.
This happened around noon. It's almost midnight now. He didn't come home after getting out of the office. He went to the fight club and now he looks like he has been through rounds and rounds of fights before he got home.
I grab the first aid kid and knock on the door.
"Leave"
He replies through the door.
I turn the knob and enter the room anyways. Niko has never lockd me out, not once. Even when he is angry the door remains unlocked.
He doesn't bother turning around from his place by the window.
"I told you to leave"
"I'll just patch you up and leave if you don't want me"
My heart breaks as I get the words out, but I have to be strong.
I feel a hand on my wrist.
"You think I don't want you?"
"It's ok, Niko. You made it very clear"
He blinks as if he doesn't understand my words.
"You think I'm not fighting with every fiber of my being to not claim you?"
A humourless laugh escapes me.
"All you've been doing is ignoring me. If I did something wrong, just tell me. Don't shut me out like this"
He clenches his jaw, hard.
"I pushed you"
"What?"
"I pushed you away this morning and you staggered back, I hurt you. I don't deserve to be in your presence"
I blink at him.
"You won't talk to me because you thought you hurt me?"
"I did. I promised you years ago I wouldn't do it and I still did it. It's all my fault"
His voice breaks on the last part.
"Niko"
My voice wavers as I drop my forehead against his. I push myself closer to him and put his stiff hands over my waist.
"I am not hurt. See, everything is ok"
It takes some time but he tightens his hands around me.
"Please, please. I'm so sorry"
He whispers in a small voice.
"I love you"
I whisper. He doesn't need to say it back, I know he does. He lets me know by his actions every single day.
"I know I'm difficult to handle, don't get tired of me"
"I won't"
For someone who looks so tough, my husband sure is a softie, but only for me. I break his chain of thoughts by kissing him, my hands gripping his hair. He quickly takes control and pushes me on the couch.
"I'll be gentle. I promise"
I know it's taking everything in him to say that especially when his mind is so loud.
"Don't hold back. I can take it. I just want you"
He kisses me hungrily, pouring all of his apologies into the kiss.
3
I did not think this through.
Yesterday we went to Lan's exhibition. Though Niko wasn't interested, I manged to convince him. Lan greeted me with a side hug and Nikolai with a jab about something.
Very normal.
But then a world renowned artist came there. Lan introduced us to each other and even told him I've been a fan of his work for a very long time.
It was true but very unnecessary information.
The artist immediately took notice and surprisingly he knew about me. The viral videos Niko posted had reached him too.
I did not like being the centre of attention, it was Lan's thing not mine. So all the praises he showered me with made me feel a bit embarrassed and shy. He even gave me his card and said we should collaborate, I was more than happy with the invitation.
All this time Niko remained by my side, his hand curling a bit tightly around my waist. I did not think much of it because he was always alert and extra protective of me in public places especially when the place is crowded.
After that interaction I couldn't stop blabbering about it and I don't blabber, ever.
When we end up at home, Niko decided to take a soak in the jacuzzi, I was going to join him but I felt like I needed a shave.
Idiotically my yapping continued while we were in the bathroom.
"Can you imagine the artist has been painting since he was five? Amazing, right?"
Niko just grunts in response.
I still did not get the hint.
"And he even looks good for his age"
I was yanked into the shower the next second, the razor dramatically falling from my hand.
"Wha...."
"I listened to every single word you had to say about him because he is your inspiration. But personal comments about other men won't be tolerated, lotus flower"
I blink at the sudden outburst.
"I didn't...."
"Yes, you did. You even blushed for him. Do you know how that made me feel?"
I definitely did not blush for him.
"Murderous. I feel murderous right now"
I clutch the nape of his neck in my hand. He really is angry.
"I didn't realise that"
I admit.
He growls and starts the shower.
God knows how long that shower lasts but I'm completely drained when we get out of it.
But before I can take another breath, my back presses against the glass wall, hands above my head.
"Who do you belong to, lotus flower?"
He asks.
I can't even think with the pleasure coursing through my body.
"Who?"
He whispers in my ear then bites on it.
I moan. He chuckles.
"Who, baby?"
He looks straight into my half lidded eyes.
"You"
I finally admit. He smirks satisfied.
"And who am I?"
"My husband. I...belong...to my...husband"
"Good boy"
I don't know when but I lie down on his chest, spent but satiated.
"You are like a possessive caveman."
I can feel his smile.
"I am. Your very own villian, baby. You can't get rid of me"
I press a kiss to his chest.
"I don't want to"
4
I walk into kitchen to smell of freshly brewed tea and buttered toast.
Niko is standing by the stove in his sweatpants. His damp hair down just the way I like it. I stand there observing him. He hasn't changed much over the years. Definitely gotten buffer and he has a scar on his shoulder from a meeting gone wrong but he is still the same 19 year old I fell hopelessly in love with.
I move towards him and hug his back, arms around his stomach and my face between his shoulder blades.
"Good morning lotus flower"
"Good morning darling husband"
It's a nickname I use sometimes because he loves it.
"Flirting with me first thing in the morning?"
"Yes, because you look irresistable right now."
I kiss his back and he groans.
"Let me focus on this. This is the only thing I can make"
He says pointing to the pan that has some eggs in it.
"I'm not even doing anything. Focus on your work and I'll focus on mine"
I place another kiss to his neck, the smell of his shampoo filling my lungs.
"Baby, you are distracting me"
I pull away, annoyed.
"Fine. Do it your way."
I reply grumpily and take a seat on the kitchen stool. He sighs and turns the stove off.
"Baby? Don't be mad at me. I was just trying to make you happy."
My heart softens, just a tiny bit but I still don't look at him. He turns my face to him.
"Lotus flower, I won't be able to focus on anything else if you are mad at me. Please I don't like it"
"You turned me away"
I'm still salty about it.
"I'm sorry. I would've gotten carried away and burned our breakfast. You know me."
He would have. It has happened before, more than once actually.
"Fine"
He smiles then places the eggs, toast and tea in front of me. We have a cook but Nikolai prefers making a simple breakfast after I've pulled an all nighter, working on something. He didn't do it before but he does now, for me. Not because he has to but because he wants to and that's one of the most beautiful things about him.
People have different opinions of him. Sure, he is loud, angry and terrifying but to me he is sweet and sensitive. Someone who makes breakfast for me even though he doesn't enjoy cooking, someone who picks me up when I get tired, both emotionally and physically, someone who hates sleeping alone and someone who would raze everything to the ground just to make me happy.
He is my solace, my peace and the only one who holds me through the storm.
I definitely got lucky I'm that department.
"Oh there's one thing missing from the menu"
He says, I look down at my plate.
I think that's about everything?
But then he surprises me by leaning forward and pressing his lips against mine.
"Your good morning kiss"
So cheesy
"I think I'm gonna need another one of those"
I'm already pulling him down for another kiss.
"Whatever you want, my prince charming"
5
It's getting a bit chilly these days. That's why I'm sitting on the couch in front of the TV watching some murder documentary wrapped up in a cozy blanket. I wish Niko was here.
As if I conjured him from my thoughts, Niko enters the living room and stands behind the couch.
"Are you having a movie night without me?"
He drawls. I crane my neck to see him.
"Get changed and come here"
"Oh I will"
A few seconds later, he is still standing there. Arms crossed over his chest and eyes digging a hole in the back of my head.
"What?"
I ask confused.
"Aren't you forgetting something?"
I tilt my head in confusion.
"No?"
He narrows his eyes on me then rounds the couch.
"This"
He hauls me up and I yelp out in pain.
"Nikolai"
"Fuck, baby, sorry. What did I do?"
I breathe through my nose trying to shake the pain off. He is going to be so mad. I gently remove the blanket from my legs. One of my leg is wrapped up in a thick bandage.
His eyes are wide with panic.
"What the fuck happened?"
He tentatively runs his fingers over the bandage.
"It's a sprain. It'll be ok in a few days"
I try to reassure.
"How?"
I slipped while coming down from the studio. The 'In house studio' is on the second floor.
"When?"
I look down before he can tell.
"This afternoon"
"And you didn't think it was important to call me?"
"You were going to be busy today. I didn't want to distract you"
I admit quietly.
When I fell, my first thought was him. But then I remembered he was talking about something important during the breakfast so I brushed it off and called the doctor because I couldn't move my foot. My bodyguard just shook his head and stood right be me the whole time, he just left for some security check (after I reassured him I'll be ok a hundred times)
Niko holds my chin and makes me look at him.
"You think anything else is more important than you?"
I just shake my head.
Sometimes it still feels unreal that I'm someone's priority and nothing is more important than me.
He sighs then props my leg on a pillow.
"Stay here. I'll be back"
"Okay"
10 minutes later, he has changed into his usual clothes, which is only a pair of sweatpants I may add.
He gently adjusts me in front of him, my back to his chest. I lay my head against his shoulder then turn my head and kiss him.
"Welcome home. I didn't forget anything, I just couldn't get up"
He sighs.
"When were you going to tell me?"
"Preferably before dinner"
He kisses my temple.
"I don't like it when you get hurt"
"I'm sorry. I'll be mindful next time"
We stay like that for a few minutes.
"I love you"
I whisper.
"I know"
He whispers back and I frown.
"What do you mean by 'I know'?" Say it back.
He raises his eyebrows at me.
"You think I should say it after the stunt you pulled?"
He looks pointedly at my leg.
"I'm injured. You should say it more today"
I pout at him. He has a soft spot for these pouts. He sighs again and drops another kiss to my neck.
"I love you too"
All of this, the privacy of our home, the quiet understanding and him are my sanctuary and I wouldn't change it for anything else in the world.
6
We are almost at the end of the year.
I rush outside the studio. I had to finish some paintings urgently that's why I've been in the studio for the past 48 hours. Niko had some business in Chicago so he left yesterday, that's why I was able to stay in the studio and work for long hours. If he was here he wouldn't have let me stay in the studio or work for long without taking breaks.
How am I supposed to explain that the bed feels too big without him? And he knows I can't sleep without him so he can't complain. Though we talked every two hours or so but it's still different than him being here. Anyways, he'll be back tomorrow. So I'm going home right now. I'm almost finished with my work, It'll be completed tomorrow after I welcome my husband. The painting can wait till then.
I spot my car in the parking. I have a driver and a army of bodyguards. I already told Niko I don't need that much protection but he won't budge. 'It's non negotiable, lotus flower' is what he says. I open the back door, the greeting dies in my throat as I notice Nikolai in the driving seat.
When did he get back?
I shut the back door and slid into the passanger seat. He is already pulling me close so he can kiss me.
"How are you here?"
"Thought I should give my baby a surprise"
I smile at him.
"Thank you. I loved it"
"Why are you here so late?"
Uh oh
"I had to finish something urgently"
He narrows his eyes on me.
"When was the last time you ate?"
Umm..
"I did...eat"
"When?"
"Lunch"
I murmur quietly so he won't hear but he does.
"I leave for two days and this is how you are taking care of yourself"
I pout at him because I know it works.
"I get bored without you, the house feels too empty"
I admit and he softens.
"Come here"
He pulls me from the seat and I somehow manage to sit on his lap, in the car. We are big guys, it is difficult.
"I missed you"
I run my hand through his hair.
"I missed you too"
We bask in each other's warmth for a while.
"Let's go home, I'll make us something quick"
He shakes his head.
"I know a place that'll be open at this time. Let's go there"
"Okay"
Though he says we should leave, he makes no attempt to move. His face is buried in my neck, hands wrapped protectively around my waist.
"Niko?"
"Five more minutes, please"
I run my fingers over his scalp, he sighs at the sensation. I know what kind of work he is involved in, I understand the struggle of finding your own peace in certain circumstances. I've struggled in that department until this man bulldozed his way in my life. I hope someday I'll be able to the same for him.