Chapter Text
Janus was not happy at all. Virgil and Roman were getting closer and if the prince liked Virgil, there was no chance he could convince the others not to like Virgil.
His best friend had already been stolen and left him alone with the chaotic green gremlin that is Remus. As amusing as Remus can be, sometimes you want an actual conversation.
Janus was sulking off to his room when he started to cough and smoke started to pour out of his mouth. God he hated this idiom. It burned his lungs and made it hard to breathe. How much fake flattery can one person need? Who the hell was Thomas even talking to?
It didn't really matter. After all, Janus had more pressing concerns, and chances are, Thomas wouldn’t listen if he interfered anyway.
Janus coughed again and kept moving to his room. He didn’t want anyone to see him in such a pathetic state. But the approaching footsteps obviously meant that wish wasn't coming true.
“Janny?” Janus could immediately tell who it was based on the grating nasally, high pitched voice. “Are you smoking? I didn’t even know we could do that..” he walked up to Janus and looked him up and down, raising an eyebrow.
“I started a fire.”
Janus lies, knowing full well Remus won't believe him. He grimaced as he coughed again, more smoke blowing out of his mouth.
Remus gasped with delight. “Where?? I wanna go play in it!!” He stood in front of Janus, looking at him expectantly. His smile dropped when he saw the state of Janus. “You’re not on fire. There’s just smoke coming outta your mouth.”
Janus rolls his eyes.
“You truly are an idiot sometimes.”
Janus starts to walk away. He wants nothing to do with this conversation. He doesn't even want to talk at the moment, considering how much his lungs are burning from the smoke. However, he knows full well Remus is a persistent bastard.
“Hey, wait!” Remus just followed him, like Janus suspected. “I can help you, Janny! What’s going on? I’ll get one of the other sides if I have to!” He threatened.
That got Janus' attention as he turned around.
“Don’t you dare tell anyone about this.” Janus snarls, smoke curling out the sides of his mouth, making him resemble an angry dragon.
Janus coughed again, expelling more smoke from his lungs, before harshly shoving Remus into the wall.
“If you dare utter a word of this to the others, I will make you regret it in ways not even your twisted mind could imagine.”
A wicked grin split across Remus’ face. “Oooohh, Janny! Do whatever you want to me daddy, I can’t be bothered!” He blinked at Janus flirtily.
He slung an arm around Janus, supporting him as they went into Janus’ room. “Now, how about you tell me what’s going on so I can kick Thomas’ ass for it.”
“I hate you.” Janus hissed but he was really too weak to do anything at the moment.
His lungs and throat were on fire from the smoke. He coughed again and grimaced. Who on earth could Thomas be talking too that required this much false flattery? Janus appreciated a good lie, but this felt extreme.
“It’s one of my idioms. Blowing smoke. Do you know what that means?”
Janus’s sass was intact at least.
Remus looked up at the ceiling in thought for a second before he shook his head. “I just know he’s making a fucking idiot out of himself right now.”
Janus just scoffs, adjusting his gloves.
“It means to use excess false flattery, you idiot.”
Janus grimaced, coughing again.
“Dammit, my throat hurts. I need some water.”
Remus summoned a glass of water and handed it to Janus. It looked… clean.
“Mmm, yeah that sounds right. Thomas is trying to get this guy to not hate him.” Remus said, flopping down onto Janus’ bed.
Janus glanced at the water and set it on the bedside table. His throat may burn, but there was no way he was going to drink…That.
“Thomas never wants anyone to dislike him at all. It’s painfully boring. However, it’s normally not to this extreme.”
Janus gestures at the smoke clouding the room. There was enough to give the illusion of a grey sheen on everything.
Remus blinked his eyes at the smoky room. “Well, he’s a really hot guy.” He grinned, showing off his sharp teeth. “Roman is swooning hard.”
Janus rolls his eyes.
“Well, can someone stop the pompous asshole? I'd really hate having to breathe.”
Remus saluted to him, looking much too excited for his task. “I’ll get someone to keep you company in the meantime!” He sunk out before Janus could protest.
“Don’t you da-”
Janus groans, Remus was gone before he could finish his sentence. Janus just lies down on his bed, his face buried in his pillow.
He could feel it when someone rose up into his room and immediately started coughing from all the smoke.
The side sat on the bed next to him. “Hey, Jan. Remus told me this is an idiom?”
Janus immediately recognized the voice as Patton’s as he spoke in between coughs.
“Oh great. It's so wonderful that you're here. I am delighted to see you. Now get out of my room.”
Janus doesn't look up from where he buried his head in his pillow. He couldn't breathe and was in pain, past the point of caring about whether or not he was breathing in more smoke or pillow fibers or whatever.
Patton was quiet for a few minutes before he finally spoke again. “Would you like some water?”
“...No”
Patton sighed and stood up, walking out of the room.
It was another few minutes before Patton came back with a glass of water. “C’mon, Janus. Just drink some. It’s for your own benefit.”
Janus just continues to lay there, not reacting to Patton’s attempt at assistance. He desperately needed the water, but he'd sooner drink the water Remus gave him than admit that to Patton.
Patton set down the water and flopped back onto the bed. “Remus tackled Roman to the floor. He’s uh… trying to get Roman to stop flirting with Eric. Uhm.. very aggressively."
Janus didn’t say anything, but he suddenly sat up, getting another coughing fit as he expelled more smoke from his lungs into the room.
Janus grabbed the water Patton had brought, downing the whole glass in one sitting, helping with the burning of his throat.
Patton gave him a small smile. “Is that a bit better?” He asked hopefully.
Janus just continues coughing. Suddenly, he stands up, rushing to the bathroom. The second he reached the toilet, he threw up. All the coughing and smoke made him feel sick and it only seemed to be getting worse.
Patton sat down next to him, putting a hand on his arm. He stayed a silent presence behind Janus while he expelled the contents of his stomach.
Janus mumbles something, but what exactly he says is unclear. Probably something about not needing help, considering he shoved Patton’s hand away and tried to stand up. A decision he instantly regretted as he suddenly felt dizzy and almost fell over.
Luckily—or unluckily, Janus thought bitterly—Patton caught him and kept him steady. “I know you don’t like getting help, but please just let me try. Or at least take it easy.” He pleaded, lowering them both back down to the floor.
Janus huffs in frustration, more smoke coming out of his mouth. He just sat back down, not saying anything. Damn, he really didn’t want to talk right now. His throat was on fire. He glanced over at Patton, noting his concerned expression with slight confusion.
Janus knew Patton cared about everyone, but he also always assumed Patton hated him. Especially after everything that had happened between them.
“C’mon, how’s about you get some sleep. We’ll deal with Thomas.” Patton smiled and helped him to his bed.
He refills Janus’ glass, setting it on the nightstand for him to grab later. He stepped back and gave Janus another small, slightly sad smile. “Just call me up if you need anything!”
“Whatever..” Janus mumbled, laying down, secretly appreciative of Patton's care but not willing to admit it.
And Janus might have been imagining it, but Patton’s smile dropped completely before he sunk out of sight.
— — —
“JUST STOP FLIRTING, YOU’RE HURTING JANUS!!”
Remus was on top of Roman, pulling on his hair and yelling at him to get him to quit being self-absorbed Prince butthole Roman.
“Get off of me, Remus!! Why would I care if Janus is being dramatic?!” Roman says back, trying to shove Remus off of him.
“He’s not being dramatic.” Remus snarled, pushing harder on Roman’s head. “He’s suffering from an idiom, you fucking prick.”
“Oh, he'll get over it just like everyone else. It can't be that big of a deal!” Roman rolls his eyes and lifts his hand up, shoving Remus's head back.
Remus slammed Roman’s head against the floor in anger.
“Uhm…” Patton interjected, putting a gentle hand on Remus’ head. “Can we talk this out?” He grabbed onto Remus’ wrists.
Remus did not budge.
“Roman, please stop. Janus is in really bad condition.” Patton said quietly.
“Oh, who cares. We would all be better off without Mr. Lies anyway. All he ever does is screw everything up.” Roman rubbed the back of his head with the hand not on Remus's face.
“Actually, the loss of any one of the sides could be extremely detrimental to Thomas. Just because you aren't fond of him doesn't mean he's worthless.”
Logan speaks up from where he had been standing in the corner, approaching slightly, but stopping when he saw Patton.
Patton nodded. “Exactly. Don’t talk about him like that. He’s just as important as the rest of us.” He pulled on Remus’ arms to get him to let go.
Remus growled at him and snapped his teeth as a warning bite.
Patton recoiled and stepped back so he was almost next to Logan.
Remus was on his last thread and he was not letting go of Roman until he let go of Eric.
Logan instinctively put a protective arm in front of Patton stepping forward.
“Remus, this kind of aggressive behavior is absolutely unacceptable when Patton did nothing to you but try to help.”
Logan then pauses and pulls his arm back, adjusting his tie awkwardly.
Patton blinked in surprise, putting a hand on his chest where Logan’s arm had briefly been.
Remus bared his teeth and made an animalistic growling noise at Logan.
“Roman,” Patton said, his voice low and calm, but with a dangerous edge. “Make Thomas stop.”
Roman scoffs.
“Even if I wanted to, I couldn't just make Thomas stop. I mean, confidence may be my thing, but feelings are your thing, Padre, and last I checked, flirting was really a feeling thing.”
Roman finally managed to shove Remus off of him and sat up.
Remus froze, slowly turning his head to stare blankly at Patton. “You did this?”
“I-I don’t— I didn’t—” Patton took a step back, bumping into the wall. He looked terrified. “I swear I didn’t—”
“You’re hurting Janus.” Remus growled, standing up and approaching Patton quickly, ready to pounce.
Patton squeaked and quickly sunk out before Remus could get to him.
“Remus!”
Logan said firmly moved in his path, preventing him from going after Patton.
“Patton would not do something to intentionally hurt Thomas. It is not truly his fault at all. Yes, he represents Thomas’s emotions, but we are all anthropomorphic personifications of Thomas’s singular personality. We represent things we are not entirely in control of Thomas’s actions. While any one of us could theoretically step in to prevent Thomas’s actions, it is not guaranteed that he must listen. Patton would never hurt Janus or anyone, and if you can not see that, you are blind to who he truly is. I understand that you seem stressed, but you are not going to hurt Patton.”
Roman blinks in surprise at Logan’s protective speech. “Damn specks, that was…something.”
Remus stood there, shocked, eyes wide and posture stiff. He had never seen Logan stand up for anyone like that before.
And something tells him that no one else had seen it before today either.
Remus looked down at the floor, a rare feeling of shame coursing through him. “Sorry I threatened your boyfriend..” He murmured.
Logan blinked in surprise at Remus's comment.
“Patton is not my boyfriend. I am simply saying you should be respectful and understand who he is as a person. I don't have those kinds of feelings. Gross.”
Roman raises an eyebrow looking over making eye contact with Remus.
Remus snorted. “Yeah, okay. Whatever you say, robocop.” He turned around and sunk out of the living room to wherever he goes.
Virgil came creeping down the stairs, one side of his headphones moved away from his ears. He looked around the living room curiously. “Is.. everything okay? I heard screaming..”
Roman looked over at Virgil, his face turning red. Why must he walk in every time he was looking less than fabulous?
“Everything is fine, Hot Topic.” Roman muttered, looking away despite the fact that he looked even more beat up than before.
Even Logan looked off, his face still red from Remus's comment.
Virgil came down the stairs fully and stared at the three with a raised eyebrow. “Is Thomas having a bruised ego again?”
“No, Remus just has problems.”
Roman starts trying to fix his hair. He wants to at least not look awful.
Virgil looked a bit concerned for Roman, helping him fix his hair a bit. He was careful to be gentle. “Well, I already knew that. Might there be a reason Remus beat the shit out of you, or were you just being too you?” He teased.
Roman gasps dramatically.
“Too me? You mean too fabulous. Also something about Janus. I wasn’t paying attention. I mean, no one but the lunatic cares about that snake.”
Virgil stopped and pulled back, his face contorting into a scowl directed at Roman. “What? Janus is… what’s happening with Janus?” He looked… concerned.
“Does it really matter? I don't really know but-”
Logan cuts Roman off, actually answering the question.
“It was one of Janus’s idioms. Though I don't know which one. I believe he's in his room if you would like to check on him.”
Virgil considered this for a few moments, looking completely and helplessly lost on what to do.
He ended up shaking his head and sitting on the couch, hugging his arms. “No… it’s— I’m sure Remus can handle it.” He mumbled. He still looked worried.
Roman raises an eyebrow sitting down next to Virgil on the couch.
“What's up with you, chemically imbalanced romance? I mean seriously, he's just a slimy snake.”
Logan frowns and adjusts his glasses.
“He's still not slimy. His scales are smooth, but he's not slimy.”
Virgil rolled his eyes. “It’s an insult, Logan. He’s calling Janus slimy, as in a deceitful or unpleasant person.” He laid down on the couch, ignoring Roman’s question.
Patton rose back up into the living room, hugging himself around the waist. He trudged over to the couch and sat on the opposite side to Virgil. “I talked to Thomas..” he said quietly.
Logan noticed Patton’s expression and moved closer to him.
“Are you alright, Patton?”
Patton quickly put on a bright smile and unfolded himself, nodding enthusiastically. “Of course!” He looked Logan in the eyes for the first time since their fight.
Virgil’s eyebrows scrunched together, looking unconvinced. “You sure? You look… really tired.”
Patton nodded again, keeping his gaze facing forward. “Yup!” He twitched and winced suddenly, but he was back to smiling stiffly almost immediately.
Logan frowned slightly. “If you're tired you should go rest Patton. You shouldn't neglect your well-being.” Logan adjusts his tie as he looks away, still avoiding eye contact but obviously caring more than he wants to admit.
Patton’s smile dulled and he looked down at the couch. “Yeah… okay. Will do.” He said, but made no move to stand up yet.
“What happened?” Virgil asked Logan, his eyebrows furrowed with immense worry for his fellow sides.
“Thomas was flirting with some guy and it triggered one of Janus’s idioms. Originally, Remus blamed Roman but emotions are more Patton’s domain, and so Patton had to go stop Thomas from flirting.”
Logan says, providing a logical analysis of the situation, though he avoided the specifics as to which idiom.
Virgil frowned, looking down at his lap. “Oh.. is he.. okay?”
Patton looked at him with watery eyes and shook his head. “He can't breathe… and.. it's my fault…” he said in an impossibly quiet voice.
Logan looks over at Patton.
“It's not entirely your fault. I mean if you look at it, it's only partially your fault. Most of the blame lands on Roman, who made the actual flirting and false flattery.”
Roman gasps dramatically.
“Maybe it is partially my fault, but no one cares if the snake has issues. He’ll get over it. We all have issues sometimes and he’s probably just being dramatic. Besides, shouldn’t we be more focused on Thomas than the dumb snake anyway?”
“Roman, stop being a dick and have a little sympathy for Janus.” Virgil snapped, glaring at the fanciful side. “You just experienced an idiom too. You know how miserable it is.”
Patton stood up and nodded, giving Logan a weak smile. “I’m gonna go… lay down.” He sunk out with a small wave.
Virgil was slightly embarrassed to admit that wanted to go check on the deceitful side. But he couldn’t… he couldn’t face Janus.
— — —
Janus was laying in bed.
The smoke in his room had started to dissipate, but the room was still cloudy. He just stared at the ceiling, still coughing. His throat was burning and so were his lungs. Janus was completely out of water. He had even drank the water Remus left.
Someone came in and sat down on the bed next to him, careful not to jostle him too much.
“So, apparently Roman wasn’t the main culprit who was flirting with that stupid guy.” Janus was surprised to hear Remus’s quiet voice. “I still almost ripped all of his hair out. Then charged at Patton, but he got away.” He huffed.
Janus didn’t say anything. He didn’t feel like talking, but he raised an eyebrow at Remus’s unexpected gentleness. After all, he was used to him being nothing but chaotic, so hearing his voice so soft and gentle was definitely out of the ordinary.
“Anyway!” Remus flipped down on the bed, laying on Janus’ legs. “How’re ya feeling? Thomas finally gave up on that boy, so your blowing smoke shoulda stopped by now.”
Janus rolled his eyes at the familiar shift. “While I’m not coughing up smoke anymore, my throat feels wonderful.” Janus muttered, his usually smooth voice hoarse and gravely.
Normally he would kick Remus off for laying on him, but today, he didn’t care. The green gremlin was at least trying to be helpful.
“Mmmhh, I’ll bet. You sound wonderful too.” Remus gave him a large, playful grin.
He summoned another water cup and held it out for Janus. “Here, you sound like you’ve been smoking for 80 years.”
Janus grumbled, but still took the water. “You’re being oddly nice today.” Janus sat up, still not kicking Remus off of him yet.
Remus was silent and still for a few moments before he shrugged. “Well.. you were kinda dying and I like you too much to let that happen…” he murmured, almost like he didn’t really want Janus to hear him.
Janus raised an eyebrow, catching Remus's words, but not commenting on them. “What's this I hear about you fully attacking Roman? I want a few more details there.”
Janus’s classic smirk is back as he obviously wanted to hear more about whatever drama he missed.
Remus grinned and sat up, his eyes alight. “I rose up to the common room and tackled Roman to the ground, sitting right on his back so he couldn’t escape!” He kindly demonstrated with a pillow. “Then I tore at his hair! My goal was to make him go bald, but his hair was too stuck on his big stupid head.” He pouted.
He suddenly stood up and pulled out his mace, swinging at nothing. “All while yelling at him as loudly and annoyingly as I could, before BLAMMO!!” Remus threw his mourning star in the air, causing it to jam itself into the ceiling. “Patton came and tore us apart, and my brother was pardoned.”
“Speaking of Patton, where is that persistent parental figure anyway? I fully expected him to turn back up at some point, considering his worry wart nature. Though I suppose he does hate me, so I'm not shocked he hasn't turned up.” Janus says snidely.
He muttered the last part about Patton hating him quietly to himself, not really meaning to say it out loud, but he did.
Remus’s eyebrows furrowed together. “Papa bear was pretty damn close to tackling Roman right along with me.” He jumped up and grabbed his weapon, slinging it over his shoulder. “I’ll find him for ya! I’ll even tie him up with a pretty little bow.” He cackled and ran out of Janus’s room.
“Don't do something stupid!” Janus called after his friend before taking a drink of water to calm his irritated throat. He flopped down onto the bed again, staring at the ceiling through the still slightly cloudy air.
Remus came back a few minutes later with a very disheveled looking Patton in his arms.
He plopped the moral side next to Janus on his bed.
“Uhm…” Patton sat up and looked between Janus and Remus with wide eyes. He blinked slowly, looking like he had just woken up. “How are you doing, Jan?” He gave Janus a smile.
“Well that was…expected.” Janus sits up, looking at Patton’s disheveled state, his cardigan almost falling off his shoulders. Janus looked over at Remus before asking, “What exactly did you do? And why on earth did you think it was a good idea?”
Remus grinned widely. “It sounded like you wanted to see him! So I got him! He was sleeping, so I shook him awake and brought him to you!”
Patton blinked again. “Oh. Whoops. Sorry, didn’t mean to fall asleep on ya. Well uh.. Hi.” He waved to Janus cheerfully. “Whathca need from your ol’ pops?” He smiled warmly.
Janus blinked, processing Remus’s words. Before sighing. “I never said I wanted to see him. I said quite the opposite, actually.” Janus rested his face in his hands. Gosh, Patton already didn’t like him, this was the last thing he needed to happen today.
Patton’s smile fell and he turned away from Janus, his longer curly hair covering his eyes. “Yeah, that… that makes more sense..” he chuckled, but it sounded.. sad. “I’ll go. Glad to see that you seem to be doing better.” He flashed Janus another smile before he stood up.
Remus immediately scooped him up again in his arms, causing him to squeak. “Remus!!”
Janus paused. Patton seemed almost sad. What was up with that? He brushed it off as nothing, sighing as Remus picked Patton back up.
“What on earth are you doing?”
“Taking him back! That’s what— that’s what you want, right?” Remus’ smile dropped and he opened his arms, causing Patton to fall onto the floor roughly.
Remus walked up to Janus and looked at him with desperation. “What do you want? I’m trying to do what you ask, but nothing I do is good! Tell me what you want, Janus.” He pleaded, looking genuinely distressed.
Patton stood up and looked between the two with wide eyes. “I’ll uh— I’m just gonna— I’ll leave you two alone.” He slowly backed out of the room and closed the door behind him, giving them their privacy.
Janus seemed surprised by Remus's sudden outburst, as well as being confused. Since when had the Duke cared what anyone thought about him? After all, Remus was always causing problems for everyone, Janus included.
“I think that Patton is able to make his own choices on where to be.” Janus says, completely missing the deeper connotation in Remus's words.
Remus paused, simply staring at Janus for a few months before he stood up, looking downcast. “Oh, yeah, yeah… right.. sorry..” he turned around, slinging his mace over his shoulder and began walking out the door.
Before he made it all the way there, he turned around and gave Janus his signature mischievous smile, though it looked a bit duller than usual. “Now, get some sleep, or I’ll force it on you.” He held up his mourning star as a threat.
Janus just sighs watching Remus walk out of the room. “What the hell is going on with him?”
Janus doesn’t have the energy right now and just falls back asleep.