Chapter Text
Sometimes I find myself jealous of Rocky.
Which I know is stupid, seeing as he is quite literally another species, composed almost entirely of rock and metal, but I still am.
Eridians, as he has explained, are hermaphrodites. All of the same gender, containing all the genetic material needed for reproduction. They don’t have things like sex, menstruation, or hormones.
The latter two are things that are currently plaguing me.
I’ve been so busy these days. Teaching Rocky about human culture, researching and testing new solutions for the astrophage problem, trying not to succumb to my dread about my upcoming demise, it’s been exhausting.
The few months since my coma have flown by. And just like Rocky is always nagging me about, I have been putting aside my physical health.
Not only have I been forgetting to eat, drink water, and sleep, I have also been forgetting to take my medication. And by medication- I mean my HRT. Hormone replacement therapy.
And what does forgetting my testosterone mean?
My damned cycle has started up again.
When I woke up this morning, I felt a distinct cramping in my lower stomach. I should have known what was coming for me; I had been snapping more easily at Rocky lately.
He simply took it as my hunger and lack of sleep, but my hormones must have put it into overdrive. Which, in hindsight, I now feel bad for. He was probably just doing his best. I mean, his social norms and standards are nothing like the human ones I was used to.
But back to the point. I SHOULD have realized this morning that it was coming. But I must have gone so long without it that I forgot the symptoms.
And now I’m bleeding into my boxers.
What’s more embarrassing? Rocky noticed before I did! Silly me, thinking I could hide anything going on in my body from his echolocation. It seriously is annoying knowing that when I’m taking a piss, the walls do nothing for privacy.
“Grace friend! Bad Bad Bad! You bleed! You leak from genetalia! Bad! You die? Grace die question?”
A bit overdramatic, bud.
“No, Rock. I’m fine. It’s normal. Well- kind of. I just forgot to take my medicine.” I sigh, standing from my spot.
“No take medicine make bleed? Very bad! That not sound normal! You say bleed is normal, Rocky don’t believe! You lie!” He says frantically, rolling around restlessly in his ball.
I really didn’t want to have a conversation about the menstrual cycle this early in our relationship. I would like to solve the astropahge problem first, THEN have an in-depth conversation about gender politics. Maybe.
“Look- I’ll explain in a second. Let me take care of this first.”
Rocky immediately moved to follow me, chirping curiously. I turned on my heels and took a deep breath. I can’t take out my frustration on him.
“Buddy, this is kind of a private thing. I would prefer it if I could pretend you didn’t see me.”
“But you say is normal for humans. Should be able to watch. For science!”
Remind me to add hypocrisy to our shared dictionary later.
“You can stay out here. I'm going to close the door to the sleeping quarters and convince myself you don't have crazy-good hearing. Okay?” I didn’t leave room for much debate.
“Yes. I watch still. You explain after.” The electronic voice translates. I sigh and enter the room and close the door behind me.
I dig through the boxes I had noticed when I first arrived here, locating the box with pads and tampons in it. I decide against experimenting with tampons for the first time, and instead pull out a pad. I open it, and dang. Even if Rocky didn’t have super-hearing, he definitely would have heard that. Why did they make the wrappers so loud?
I change my pants and underwear, doing my best not to focus on the pit in my stomach as I go through the methodical process. I had forgotten how much this sucks. Not just from a sanitary standpoint, but from a dysphoric one.
With a final once-over and a heaving exhale, I return to the ship's main quarters.
“Grace return after 597 human seconds. Take verrryyy long time. Rocky bored.” If he had eyes, I'm sure he would be rolling them. “Do puppet show now question?”
“Not this time, bud. I’m just going to use the whiteboard.” I pull it out from the lab and uncap a marker.
“Do you remember my explanation on gender and chromosomes when we first went over human biology?” I say, adjusting my glasses so they actually sit on the bridge of my nose.
“Yes Rocky always remember. Eridian have perfect memory. Not like stupid human brain.” He says in exasperation, tired of having to explain this fact again.
“Right. Well, humans are assigned a sex at birth, as I explained. These are classified as female and male. Female humans have a cycle that their bodies go through to prepare for reproduction. This is called the menstrual cycle. Once a month, or every 28 earth days, the walls of their reproductive organ, the uterus, shed and exit the body as blood if they are not currently in the process of creating an embryo.” I explain, drawing a diagram of female anatomy on the board.
“Understand. Another way human get rid of waste. So leaky.” He says, recoiling a bit in disgust. “But you say female human have blood cycle. You say you not female. Why have ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. cycle question?”
Ok. How do I explain this?
“Well sometimes humans don’t identify with the gender they are assigned at birth. This can happen for many reasons, but is called being Transgender. The root word ‘trans’ means to change. So I was born with female genitalia, but now I identify and present as male.”
“Understand. Rocky noticed when met but did not comment. You say look under clothes is rude on earth.” I knew that was what happened. At least he is sensitive to human cultural stuff. “ But why change gender? Is gender more than anatomy?”
“Smart observation. On Earth, men and women are associated with different things. This can include clothing, hair, and appearance. Unfortunately, this also includes things like emotions, occupations, and responsibilities.”
He seems to think for a second, but then chirps in understanding.
“Like in movie! The movie with Barbie and Ken! Patriarchy!” He starts bouncing inside his ball, clicking in joy. Not something someone usually does after learning about patriarchy.
I’m finally thankful for the movies he chooses during our movie nights. He always picks ones where the main character looks a little too much like me. Maybe it is to relate it to and to connect with my experiences.
“Yes. So transgender humans often change their preferred pronouns and appearance to one they identify with more. Technically, there are way more genders than just the two, and some people identify as neither, but I won't get into that today.”
Rocky settles back down and tilts his carapace towards me. A human habit he picked up.
“Question. Why Grace use male pronouns for Rocky? Rocky not male. Rocky not have gender, statement.”
Huh. I hadn’t really considered that. I guess now I was the one being hypocritical.
“I’m not sure. Maybe my viewpoint is from living on Earth my whole life. I'm sorry, Rocky, would you prefer I use the neutral they/them? Or the objective It/Its?”
“Rocky was making joke. Am okay with any pronoun. Not relevant to eridian.”
“Okay, buddy. Very funny. Though you tried to out-woke me there for a second.”
“Woke not used correctly. Have another meaning question?”
“Forget it. I’m going back to sleep.” I say, suddenly filled with exhaustion.
“Rocky watch!”