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It’s the summer night before Veronica moves back to New York for college and she was spending it alone in her backyard with a pack of cigarettes. If Betty were there with her, she would’ve snatched the cigarettes away from her, but she wasn’t. The stars were shining brighter than usual and Veronica felt like she could sit there watching the stars forever. A part of her wished she could watch the stars with a certain blonde and she shook her head at how she had fallen into the stereotype of falling in love with your straight best friend. She wasn’t sure how or why or when she fell for Betty Cooper, but then again maybe most people don’t realize they’re falling until it’s too late.
Memories came pouring out from the parts of Veronica’s mind that she usually likes to keep locked away, for her own sake as well as Betty’s. She remembered meeting Betty at Pop’s on her very first day in Riverdale. She remembered the instant attraction she felt towards the gorgeous blonde. She remembered her shyly looking away when Veronica smiled at her. She remembered having hope that maybe, just maybe, this could be the start of something amazing.
The second memory was possibly the best, but possibly also the most painful to look back on: their first kiss. Veronica hadn’t planned on kissing her less than 24 hours after they met, but she wasn’t going to waste a perfect opportunity. So when the opportunity came during cheerleading tryouts, Veronica should’ve known she was fucked. She should’ve known she was fucked when she felt the butterflies in her stomach when their lips met. Although if you ask Veronica, saying she felt butterflies would be an understatement. She should’ve known she would miss the taste of Betty’s soft lips. She should’ve known not to look so deeply into Betty’s green eyes, desperately searching for some kind of reaction; some kind of reassurance that she could possibly want to do this again.
The first week of knowing Betty Cooper was, without a doubt, one of the best weeks in Veronica’s life. From the kiss to Betty telling her she would go full dark, no stars with her. “I’m with you” are the exact words she used and Veronica would be lying if she said her heart didn’t skip a beat when she heard them. She had hope, but she should’ve known better.
Unfortunately, that hope was short-lived. It all started to go downhill when Veronica found out about Betty’s relationship with Jughead. She remembered pretending to be happy for her. It’s not that she wasn’t happy that Betty was happy; she just wanted to be the reason. Besides, Veronica knew she could make her happier than anyone else. She knew nobody could possibly feel the same way about her as she did and so she decided to wait for her.
The longer she waited, however; the more painful it got. She remembered calling Jughead Betty’s boyfriend. She remembered how the words felt coming out of her mouth and how hard it was to pretend it wasn’t a big deal. Veronica was always good at pretending that nothing bothered her, but she felt her emotions slowly start to get the better of her the more she had to watch Jughead kiss and put his arms around her girl. She finally broke down the day of Jughead’s surprise birthday party. Watching Betty sing to him and then give him a kiss made her think of everything she could have with Betty and she had to leave the room to avoid crying in front of her. She couldn’t let her feelings towards Betty ruin their friendship. After all, she considered the blonde one of her blessings, she was the one that made Riverdale feel like a home and Veronica wouldn’t ruin that no matter how painful it got.
So she made a new plan. Veronica decided to distract herself with other people till she got over Betty. It began with Archie: the ginger-haired boy who Veronica clearly had chemistry with. Archie was sweet and there was definitely a physical attraction between them, but it wasn’t enough to get Veronica’s mind completely off Betty. It only got worse when Betty found out about Veronica and Archie. Betty was jealous, but not because she liked Veronica that way.
Veronica’s hope seemed to die a little more each day as she continuously found other people to distract her, but none that could make her feel the way she felt when she was around Betty. Nobody that could make her feel happy and nervous at the same time. Nobody that could make her heart skip a beat like it does when Betty smiles at her. Nobody that could make it hard to breathe simply by holding her hand. Nobody would be like Betty Cooper.
Veronica’s decision to move back to New York for college became clear on prom night. Veronica went with Reggie while Betty went with Archie. There was a certain sadness in knowing that this could possibly be the last time they would all be together for a while and it made Veronica very emotional. The highlight of her night was watching Betty whisper something into Archie’s ear. She had no idea what Betty was saying, but it didn’t matter. Betty’s face was mere inches away from Veronica and suddenly Veronica forgot how to breathe. Her heightened emotions, mixed with some alcohol and feelings that had been repressed for over 2 years now made the fear of losing control very real for Veronica. All she wanted to do was grab Betty’s face and kiss her like she’s never been kissed before. Show her how much she loves her. Show her that she’s loved her this whole time. Show her that she’s the only one that could keep her in this town. But she didn’t. She didn’t kiss her. She spent the rest of the night watching her dance with Archie. The pain of loving her outweighed the happiness she felt knowing that Betty was in fact happy with Archie and she knew she had to leave if she was ever going to be okay again; if she was ever going to get over the gorgeous blonde with the beautiful green eyes and the heart that was too good for this world.
Veronica stared at the empty pack of cigarettes in front of her until she heard a voice coming from behind her.
“Still awake?”
It was Hermione, Veronica’s mother.
“Couldn’t sleep.”
“Everything okay?”
“Mom, do you ever feel like things were supposed to go differently?”
Hermione was silent for a moment.
“I guess sometimes we want something so badly that it just doesn’t happen.”
With that, Veronica got up and walked to her bedroom. She lay down in her bed that felt lonelier today than ever before and tried to fall asleep before she fell apart.