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They had agreed for mutual benefits and nothing more. A cautious arrangement necessitated by a coded need, a compulsion to find relief. Nothing more was to come of it, neither wanted more to come of it.
But so rarely do situations remain in the control of their fabricators.
One night became two, and two led to four in the space of a month. Far too quickly they stole each opportunity to enact upon their agreement, and neither of them could find the will to rein back. It seemed they had unleashed something that couldn’t be satiated.
That month had turned into a year, and then five, and what boundaries they had set had long since dissolved amidst the unexpected companionship. Something had begun to settle between their sparks, drawing them together, forming a bond that could never have been predicted.
Soundwave tightened his servos where they each encircled a shapely shin. The frame atop him shifted subtly, issuing a responding grunt. Starscream always liked to recharge on top, and Soundwave was quite comfortable on the bottom, beneath the warmth and weight of a contented Seeker. When had they fit into this routine? How long ago had it been since they first began recharging together after interfacing? It felt surreal. Soundwave contemplated the progression of their relationship. Had he known how far this thing would develop, would he have agreed to the initial arrangement? Would he have believed this could happen?
Laserbeak appeared in the valley of Starscream’s wings, settling on his thruster casing with a happy little chirp. Automatically, a responding trill vibrated from the semi-conscious Seeker, and Soundwave’s spark pulsed warmly, a sensation he had been experiencing more and more. Starscream’s developing rapport with Laserbeak had been an unexpected perk of their arrangement, and Soundwave found he valued this more than he would have expected.
Laserbeak replied again playfully, rousing the Seeker fully from recharge. His wings slid in their join ruts as he stretched them out, and his talons pricked at Soundwave’s plating.
“You’re almost as annoying as Skywarp,” Starscream grumbled, cracking his optics open in Laserbeak’s direction.
The warmth still circulating Soundwave’s spark ebbed at the mention of Starscream’s trine mate. He hoped it didn’t reflect in his EM field.
“He will probably blow a fuse when he learns of this,” the Seeker smirked, propping himself on an elbow and gesturing vaguely between them both. “I look forward to his and TC’s reactions.” He tilted his head. “Assuming they are both still online,” he added, flippantly.
Soundwave felt the warmth disappear and compunction fill its space. He concealed his unease by drawing his spidery digits along Starscream’s legs, sending a wave of pleasant feedback through Starscream’s tactile sensors.
The Seeker hummed, his smirk tugging wider. He pushed himself up and maneuvered himself to straddle Soundwave’s hips. Laserbeak hooked her arm cables around the back of Starscream’s collar so she wouldn’t slide off, clinging to his thruster.
“You should know by now that careless touches have consequences,” he warned, mockingly, drumming his talon tips on Soundwave’s chest plating.
“Seeker: Insatiable,” Soundwave droned in his mechanical voice. He skimmed his servos along the length of the Seeker’s thighs, resting them on the slim waist.
“Am I too much for you?” Starscream challenged, giving his hips a rock.
“Attempts at manipulation: Unsuccessful,” Soundwave answered, sending a wave of fondness through his EM field. “Duty shift: Beginning in two breems.” He paused, and then added, “Laserbreak: Present.”
She chirped indignantly at him from over Starscream’s shoulder. Soundwave allowed only a certain level of intimacy in front of her.
“I certainly hope you won’t object to all forms of voyeurism,” Starscream drawled, tracing a seam with his left servo. “My trine mates have no such boundaries.”
Soundwave paused again, a spasm of cold prickling his lines. It seemed Skywarp and Thundercracker were on Starscream’s processor today. They had not been mentioned for nearly two years, when Soundwave would not have experienced this sense of… guilt.
Unfortunately, Starscream was very astute, and Soundwave’s EM field was still grazing his own. He halted his talons. “That’s the third time I’ve felt hesitance in your field,” he stated, smirk disappearing. “Each time in reaction to my trine mates. Why?”
Soundwave wished mornings dulled Starscream’s perception, but the Seeker was always sharp. Years ago he would not have felt these feelings of remorse. Years ago he had reasoned with rational thought and predicted the best outcome, with no expectations of guilt. But now… now was different. He had developed an attachment, and with that came a burden. This remorse was foreign; he did not care for it… but yet, he did care for Starscream. So he lied:
“Soundwave: Uncertain trine will accept.”
Starscream frowned at his admission, optics boring into his partner’s facemask. For a long moment, Soundwave feared his fib would be seen through, especially as Laserbeak had frozen where she clung, as though caught in the same spotlight. But Starscream’s wings flicked down from their suspicious angle, and he snorted.
“They’ll have no choice. I’m the trine leader, and what I say, goes.”
A brief sense of relief flashed through Soundwave’s circuits, accompanied by a greater sense of guilt. It didn’t go away.
They refueled and left Soundwave’s quarters, reporting for duty as usual. Laserbeak docked in Soundwave’s chest as he took up his station on the bridge and began work. She was considerately quiet, understanding his decision to lie. But her empathy did nothing to shake his culpability. It stuck with him throughout the day and the following night, and to his dismay, it seemed to escalate as time dragged by. He couldn’t recall when he had last felt harassed by a negative feeling; before this arrangement had begun he had maintained a perfect state of impassivity, and his only experiences with emotion were those of concern for Laserbeak during the few times she had been injured. Starscream had upset his carefully balanced disposition, and it was too late to rectify.
His minicon chirred softly at him towards the end of his long shift, prodding him for a course of action he wasn’t sure he could take. She was right, it would alleviate his guilt. But it could also cost him something he didn’t want to lose.
His quarters were empty when he returned to them, and so he set himself prone of the berth and slid into recharge, hoping to escape the feeling that had plagued him relentlessly. Laserbeak pulsed comfortingly at him as he shut down, quickly following him into sleep.
…
He became aware of a weight over half his frame some time later. Having long since adjusted to Starscream’s irregular presence, his attack protocols registered the lack of threat and allowed him to rise from recharge gracefully. Laserbeak awoke with him.
“Well, now you’re online…” Starscream drawled, draping himself comfortably across Soundwave’s left side. “How about a tired frag?”
A faint throb of desire followed the echo of his words through Soundwave’s audials, but the accursed guilt robbed him of enjoyment, and his ardor died. His EM filed deflated with it.
Of course, Starscream noticed.
“What is it?” He demanded, pulling his helm back to look down on the glowing visor. Despite the lack of lighting, their optics and biolights provided just enough illumination. “You’ve been strange today, and not in the good sense.”
Laserbeak pinged him encouragement, urging him to reveal. Starscream needed to know. He deserved to know.
Soundwave coaxed the Seeker from his frame as he sat up. For a long time he said nothing. He watched Starscream’s faceplate, watched the small shift in his optic ridges, the tiny flick of curiosity across his wings, and felt the borderline patience in his field.
Soundwave came to the conclusion: Starscream deserved to know the truth. Soundwave had to confess.
“This is something to do with my trine,” the jet suspected, evaluating the weightiness in Soundwave’s field and posture.
Soundwave gave a single, hesitant nod.
Starscream’s wings inched inward and down, a clear indicator of his caution. Soundwave wished he didn’t know how to read him so well.
“Tell me.”
Soundwave paused a moment longer. Laserbeak waited with baited vents.
“Starscream’s trine: Soundwave’s fault.”
The hollow echo of his vocalizer seemed to die in the air between them, and yet haunt his entire cabin.
Starscream turned his helm, though his optics remained locked with unnerving control upon Soundwave’s visor. “What?”
The ex-gladiator held his gaze. He knew Starscream had heard him, he knew he understood him.
“Before Earth arrival: Skywarp and Thundercracker assigned off world.”
Starscream’s expression darkened. He had not been in favor of his trine’s separation, and that was putting it mildly. It was what many would remember as the first time Starscream let loose his rage at Megatron, and the first, lethal beating he had suffered in response.
“Decision: Not Megatron’s.”
The Seeker’s frown increased.
“Trine condition: Unruly. Soundwave: Advised Megatron to divide trine. Goal: Starscream’s potential via separation.”
Starscream stared at him. A harsh, scrutinizing stare that cut through Soundwave. Why was he confessing this? Had he honestly thought it would be better to ease his conscience than leave Starscream in blissful ignorance?
“You…” Starscream accused acidly. “You were the one that split my trine…”
Laserbeak soothed the bolt of ice than gripped his spark. He had yet to explain the worst. “Affirmative.”
Starscream drew away, putting distance between their frames as he regarded Soundwave with cold, unforgiving optics. His wings had pinched inward. But before he could say anything, the gladiator continued.
“Shortly after dispatch: Confirmation of Autobot engagement. Skywarp and Thundercracker: ceased communications.”
Something edged onto Starscream’s face. Something that twisted Soundwave’s spark – and it was then he realized how deeply he cared for the Seeker. He forced the remainder of his secret through his vocalizer.
“Skywarp and Thundercracker: Confirmed terminated.” His spark spun colder. He had never felt hatred, not even towards the Autobots, simply for the fact he felt very little at all. But right now he hated that look of sickening shock twisted on Starscream’s face. Directed at him. “Soundwave: Advised Megatron to conceal news from Starscream.”
The silence that followed the last of his confession was heavy.
The worst part: the guilt hadn’t subsided at all. And now a plethora of other feelings he couldn’t identify squeezed his spark, ached his lines, and the more he stared at Starscream, the stronger they grew. Laserbeak squirmed in her dock.
“My trine mates are dead,” Starscream finally broke the silence, his tone strained and icy. He clenched and unclenched his denta, his wings twitched sporadically, his talons gripped and scoured the berth, and his optics glowered in utter rage. “And you held the truth from me for all these years.”
Soundwave remained silent. He could barely look at him.
Starscream lunged.
Soundwave had been prepared for it even as Laserbeak gave a shriek. His reflexes snapped online – but he didn’t resist. He allowed Starscream to slam him against the wall of the berth, allowed his talons to grip him so hard they punctured his plating and drew energon. The pain was deserved.
“Was all the manipulation worth it?!” Starscream snarled in Soundwave’s visor. “Did I behave as you and Megatron predicted?! My ‘potential’ was nothing more than an excuse to bend me to Megatron’s will – to tame me! You took my trine from me, and I came to accept their absence – but to keep the news of their deaths – was that another play of influence over my subordination?! Did I abide by your scheming script?!” He bore into Soundwave’s gaze, tearing him up from the inside out. His field lashed out, scathing, burning with rage and … betrayal. There was pain in his field. The type of pain birthed from the shattered pieces of a growing bond, and that realization hurt Soundwave more than the physical injuries.
Starscream glared at him in silence for a few moments before shoving himself away aggressively. He stalked the space of the berth room, wings hitched high, displaying his fury. He flexed his claws, and Soundwave wondered if he was itching to drive them through to his spark. The Seeker had probably removed himself from Soundwave’s proximity to avoid that temptation.
With a loud snarl, Starscream threw everything from Soundwave’s desk to the floor. The clatter was a deafening cacophony in the small room. On the empty surface of the desk, Starscream planted his palms and vented audibly, hanging his head as he calmed himself. Soundwave watched silently.
After what seemed like too long, his wings edged down marginally, and he straightened, staring at the wall.
“Why tell me now?” He demanded, his tone just shy of snappish.
Soundwave felt the seconds tick by before he was finally able to answer. “Soundwave: Experienced guilt.”
Starscream rounded a glare at him, incredulous. “How could a drone like you experience anything?” He said nastily.
That shouldn’t have stung. But it did.
The Seeker watched him in the ensuing silence, calming somewhat. “I wouldn’t expect you to even know what guilt is.”
Soundwave was silent once again, even as Starscream waited expectantly for some form of response. Several klicks later, he huffed and turned on his pede, striding to the door.
“Soundwave: Cares for Starscream.”
The Seeker paused, his servo hovering over the door release. For a foolish, hopeful second, it seemed like he might stay. Instead, he clamped his optics shut in silent denial, hit the door button and disappeared. It closed softly behind him.
Soundwave sagged into the wall. Not even Laserbeak’s coos of comfort could ease the knot in his spark…