Chapter Text
The early morning sunlight stretches across Fai’s face and with laser-like precision it lands right across Fai’s eyes. His face twists at the unwelcome stimulus and he turns over, putting his face right in Kurogane’s back. He takes a deep breath knowing he won’t fall back asleep despite refusing to open his eyes.
Kurogane smells so good in the morning, just enough of his body wash has come off in his sleep that his natural scent begins to come through. Fai breathes it in, pressing his face to the sun warmed skin of Kurogane’s back, and indulging in the muted minty scent.
Kurogane is so familiar now. His scent, his mannerisms, his body, his presence. Eighteen months ago Fai would have never believed this is how he’d be waking up. Hell, he might not have even believed that one person could feel so much. He’s twenty-six and in love for the first time. Sure, he’s had lovers, boyfriends, girlfriends, but Kurogane has always been more than any of the people before him.
Remembering this, Fai pushes himself closer and pokes his fingers into the dimples on Kurogane’s back. He smiles to himself as Kurogane begins to stir, the movements are slight, but Fai doesn’t miss how Kurogane’s neck tenses with awareness.
“Ku. Ro. Ga. Ne.” Fai sends a chilled breath across Kurogane’s neck and almost immediately finds himself breathlessly pinned to the bed.
Kurogane stares down at him with a blank face before a tiny smirk appears. He leans in as Fai struggles to crane his neck and meet Kurogane half way. After a half-hearted struggle Fai gives up and lets his head flop back onto the pillow with a pout.
With a smug snort Kurogane closes the distance between them. His body relaxes over Fai’s as they fall into each other. Fai smiles into their kiss and chases Kurogane’s mouth when he pulls away.
“Good morning,” Kurogane says, pushing a stray chunk of hair behind Fai’s ear.
Fai smiles at the gesture, closing his eyes and letting out a low hum. “Good morning, Kuro-cute.”
“You’re up early.”
“You didn’t close the curtains right, so the sunlight attacked my face this morning.”
“Oh. Poor you.” Kurogane rolls his eyes.
“You don’t seem very sorry.”
“What was your first clue?”
They both grin.
“Sorry about the curtain,” Kurogane relents.
Fai’s fingers lace behind Kurogane’s head. “It’s okay. Now we can spend some time together before we need to get ready for work.”
Kurogane’s hands roam over Fai’s hips. “Did you have something in mind?”
Fai looks up and to his left. “Well, I just don’t know. We could watch a documentary on stamps I’ve been meaning to get to.” He looks back to Kurogane and holds his gaze. “Thoughts?”
“Or we could fuck.”
Fai feigns surprise. “Oh, yeah! Let’s do that!”
~~~
“Kuro! Where’s my backpack?”
Kurogane comes out of the bedroom tugging at his belt. “I don’t know. Is it behind the boxes I haven’t unpacked in the corner?”
Fai goes to the boxes in question and pulls his backpack out of the one holding all of Kurogane’s coats, failing to notice the open front pocket. “Got it. Babe, we have to finish unpacking your things today. I can’t take the clutter for another day.”
“We’ll finish when we get home. What time will you be back?”
Fai pauses at the door waiting for Kurogane so they can leave together. “Probably around six, but before seven.” Kurogane nods in acknowledgement. “C’mon. We’re running late.”
“You’re the one that took the bedroom mood to the shower.”
“Are you saying it’s my fault?”
Kurogane levels him with a gaze as he comes to Fai’s side. He sets his hand on Fai’s hip and they kiss. “Yes.”
Fai locks the door behind them and chases after him. “If that’s how you feel you can just move back in with Ben.”
“Can’t. He already rented my room. You’re stuck with me.”
They emerge from their apartment building, the sounds of the city in the early morning is a startling reminder of the world outside the space they’ve made for themselves. Fai squeezes Kurogane’s hand. “I’ll see you when I get home.”
“Yeah, I’ll be home around six.”
Fai grins.
“What are you smiling about?”
“Nothing. It’s just. We’re going to see each other at home. Our home.”
Kurogane pulls him in for a quick, but solid hug. It’s all the more meaningful knowing that Kurogane is rather private with displaying affection.
“I love you,” Fai says when they pull apart.
“Yeah. Me too.”
Kurogane steps away from him, turning reluctantly to head towards work. Fai waves after him before turning and heading in the opposite direction.
~~~
Fai drops into his office chair ten minutes earlier than he planned on arriving. He pulls up his calendar and takes a quick glance at his monday morning meetings as he reaches into the front pocket of his red Jansport.
His hand searches blindly for the familiar plastic tube, but comes up empty. With a frown he opens the main compartment of his bag and pushes past the binders and feels around for his meds. Still nothing, but they have to be in there. He pulls out his binders and a fistful of miscellaneous pens leaving the bag empty and most definitely devoid of his meds.
“Shit,” he mumbles to himself as he leans back in his chair trying to recall where he might have put them. After a moment he realizes the front pouch had been open, maybe they fell out on the walk to work and if that’s the case there’s no way he’s going to get them back. He closes his eyes and breathes in deep, imagining the steady push and pull of water dragging against the shore.
“Fai.”
He sits up to find his director standing over his desk. “Morning, Margot.”
She regards him with a nod. “Do you have a few minutes to grab coffee before the morning meeting?”
“Yeah.” Fai locks his computer. “Just point me in the direction of caffeine.”
Together they go to the Starbucks in the lobby of the building they rent a floor from and take a seat along the windowed entrance. “Yeah, she’s a trouble maker,” Margot digresses from a story about her three year old niece. “Anyway,” she takes a sip of her latte, “I didn’t call you down here to talk about Riley.”
“As cute as she is I figured as much.”
Margot leans in over the table. “There are some,” she pauses to consider her words, “ changes coming out in the next few months.”
Fai sets down his cup, suddenly tense. “Are we okay?”
“Yes. One-hundred percent. We’re expanding. The rest of the directors and myself have been in discussion the past few weeks about making social media marketing it’s own department. Still under me, of course, but with its own director and team that focuses solely on fulfilling the social media aspects of our clients.”
“Oh.” Fai let’s this information sink in.
“What are your thoughts?”
He sits forward, crossing his legs. “I think it’s a great idea. With the growing importance social media departmentalizing can only help us grow and specialize in that form of advertisement.”
“Exactly! I’m happy you feel that way, because I’ve recommended you as Director of Social Media Marketing.”
Fai’s jaw drops and then a smile spreads across his face. “Are you serious?”
Margot nods. “As a heart attack.”
“Oh, wow.” Fai pulls at his hair and laughs.
“So?”
“Yes! What do I need to do?”
“We have a proposal due in a few weeks for a local tech startup called Blox. I want you to head up a team of three, including yourself, and come up with a kickass soical media marketing tactic to present at the meeting.”
“Consider it done.”
~~~
“And then she offered me the position!”
Yuuko shifts, her hand rests on the yellow paper of her legal pad. “That’s fantastic. Have you told Kurogane?”
“Not yet. I want to tell him in person.”
“Yes. Of course. Did you decide to move in together? I remember at our last session you had some reservations.”
Fai sighs happily. “We did. We just moved him in over the weekend.” There’s a short pause. “I can’t believe it’s been so long since we’ve last talked.”
“Disappointed?”
“No. Just reminiscent, I guess. I use to come weekly, sometimes twice a week.”
“You’ve grown a lot since we first started seeing each other. We don’t need to see each other as often. You should be proud.”
“I am. Really,” Fai reassures her.
Yuuko clears her throat. “I take it you’ve told him about your meds, then, if you’ve let him move in.”
Fai’s face drops. “Not exactly.”
Yuuko cocks her head to the side, encouraging Fai to continue.
“I just - I’ve been doing so well. I haven’t had an episode in two years. The person I was before I started seeing you, before I met Kurogane - he’s a different person. That’s not who I am anymore.”
“You’ve always just been you, Fai. Fai with anxiety and depression is just as valid an identity as Fai with a successful career and hunky boyfriend.”
Fai snorts. “He really is a hunk. He’s so fuckable I can’t stand it. When we go out people just stare at him.”
“Does that make you insecure?”
“Pft. No. They can stare as much as they want, but they don’t know him like I do. He’s selective about the people he lets into his life. I’m lucky to be one of them.”
“He’s just as lucky to be in yours.”
Fai hums. “We’re lucky to have each other. I know not to put him on a pedestal. He has faults.”
“Such as?”
“He never closes the curtains right. He’s a fan of fish, but refuses to eat bell peppers.” Fai looks down to his lap. “He’s hard to read. He can be a little blunt, but he’s kind. I’m - I don’t know. I feel safe with him.”
“Then what’s the worst thing that could happen if you tell him about your meds?”
The answer spills out of his mouth, like a cup knocked over at the edge of the counter. “He could realize that I’m not a real person. That everything he knows about me is only true because I have to take a little pill of compressed happiness just to get through my life and leave me.”
Yuuko makes a note. “We both know you’re fatalizing this. You’re projecting your own fears onto him. That’s not fair.”
Fai frowns. “I know, but I can’t tell him. I’ve tried. I really have, but I can never get it out.”
“Lasting relationships are built on a foundation of trust.”
He lets out a sigh and props his head up on his arm. To his left Fai studies the perpetual motion model on Yuuko’s desk. “My meds don’t have to be part of the foundation. They’re just a bottle hidden in the back of the medicine cabinet.”
Yuuko makes another note. “I urge you to consider telling him. I’d hate to see this become a point of stress for you.”
“I’m fine.”
She levels her eyes at him, hard but reassuring. “Okay. Are you still journaling?”
“On and off.”
“Good. We’re close to end of our hour. Is there anything else on your mind?”
“Not really. I feel like things are finally falling into place, like this is how my life was always meant to be. I don’t irrationally stress about work. I don’t wonder if my relationship with Kurogane is genuine. I don’t feel like I’m looking behind my back all the time waiting for something to jump out and take it all away from me. I love getting up in the morning because life is exciting.”
Yuuko nods to show her support. “You’ve come a long way since our first session.” She stands. “Well, that’s our time. I’ll see you in a month, but in the meantime remember that I’m always available via cell if you need me.”
“I don’t think I will, but thank you.”
They hug at her office door. “Be good,” Yuuko jokes.
“Not even if you paid me.”
~~~
The apartment smells like stir fry when Fai walks in. Kurogane glances over his shoulder and tips his head in greeting. “Hey.”
“Hey,” Fai leans back against the door and toes off his shoes. He’s breathless with excitement. “Smells great.”
“Should be ready in a few minutes.”
He comes up behind Kurogane, sliding his hand over his shoulder, and leaning into him. Kurogane turns his attention away from the food and leans down to kiss hello. Fai grins and taps him twice on the shoulder as he turns away. “I’m going to pour us some wine.”
“Wine?”
“Yeah.”
“Something good must of happened.”
Fai pulls a bottle of cheap red from the cabinet. “What makes you say that?”
“You don’t drink very often.”
“I drink.”
“I’ve seen you drink once. At your coworker’s wedding.”
Fai shrugs. He pops the cork from the bottle and pours two glasses. “Well, maybe there is cause of celebration.”
Kurogane takes his glass and sips. “Out with it then,” He sets the glass down next to the stove and turns off the burner.
With Kurogane’s attention on him Fai lights up, his body hums with the day’s energy. “I got offered a promotion at work. I’d be a Director.” When Kurogane doesn’t react Fai bounces in place.
Fai’s excitement melts Kurogane and he extends his arm so Fai can slip in for a hug. His arms wrap tightly around Fai’s upper back and his face dissolves into a loose smile. “Proud of you,” he says into the crown of Fai’s head.
“Thanks.” Fai gives one last squeeze and steps away. “I’m going to set up Netflix for us.”
He turns on the PlayStation and pulls up the app. “What do you want to watch?” He glances behind himself, Kurogane is still plating their food. Quietly he sets down the controler and goes to the corner where, of course, the boxes still are.
“I don’t care.”
Fai peers behind the boxes where he found his bag that morning. His heart sinks a little when there’s no orange bottle. It must have fallen out of his bag on the way to work, he thinks scratching his head. He stares a moment longer at the boxes, noting to himself he’ll have to get a prescription called in - not that he’ll be able to afford it until his next paycheck.
“What are you doing?” Kurogane asks as he rounds the couch.
Fai turns and takes a large gulp of wine. “Oh, um, the boxes...” He stumbles over the words as Kurogane sets the plates down on the coffee table.
“Yeah. I didn’t get to them after work like I wanted to.”
Fai stands there, tapping his glass, and unsure of what to say.
Kurogane raises his brow, “We could do them after we eat.”
“No! It’s fine. Let’s just relax.” He smiles hoping Kurogane doesn’t notice he hasn’t actually answered his question.
They settle in on the couch and put on the first movie that looks bearable.