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“I see that your preference lies with the…organic…interface this time ‘round.”
The Doctor frowned as he flicked another lever, obviously more focused on his task than his unexpected companion. “Yeah, what of it?”
“Nothing.” The other man shrugged. “It's hardly surprising now that I’ve seen you.”
The Doctor looked up from the console, blue eyes narrowing. “An’ what’s that supposed to mean then?”
“My, we are prickly this go round,” the man in the red-lined cape and ruffled shirt muttered. “All I meant was that the TARDIS reflects our incarnation and this time round, we are rather…well, utilitarian.”
The Doctor’s eyes narrowed further. “Are you sayin’ my TARDIS is too plain for your tastes? Livin’ coral not good enough for you? My ship not posh enough for you or sommat?”
“Of course not!” The other man protested, hearing the ship’s angry hum. “I’d never speak of her in such a way- she’s my TARDIS too! Really, there’s no need to take offence, old chap.” He shifted uncomfortably. “Would you like me to give you a hand with that reverse temporolocator scan? Have you tried-”
The Doctor glared at his third incarnation. “I’m tellin’ you, if you’re about to tell me to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, past self or no, I’m flushin’ you out the air lock.”
“Now, listen to me- there’s no need for violence,” the other man soothed. “You know we’ve always said violence never gets you anywhere, and anyway, I was only trying to help. You know that the humans have a saying about two heads being better than one.”
The Northern Doctor snorted. “They didn’t have to put up with more than one of us in the same place. Now shut it and let me get this sorted so I can get you back to your TARDIS and out of my hair!” He scowled at the eccentric man across the console. “I’m tellin’ you now though, you say one more thing about my TARDIS and you’ll regret it.”
The Third Doctor sighed. “Really, I don’t recall ever having such violent impulses towards myself before. Nonetheless, in the interests of harmony, I give you my word I shall not give you cause for anger.”
The Northern Doctor grinned evilly before bending over the console. “Oh, it’s not me you should be worried about.”
Seconds later, Rose charged into the console room clad in sleep shorts and vest top, scowling at the younger Doctor. “You take that back!”
The Third Doctor blinked. “I beg your pardon?”
“You take it back right now, Doctor! What’d you call her plain for? You hurt her feelin’s!”
The cape-wearing man turned to the current Doctor. “Who is this angry young woman? And why is she angry?”
Rose glared and folded her arms. “I’m the woman who’s gonna slap you if you don’t apologise to the TARDIS right now, Doctor! Don’t you think I won’t!”
“You can…speak…to the TARDIS? You understand her?” He shook his head and turned to his future self. “And how did she know who I was?”
“I’d know you anywhere!” Rose rolled her eyes. “And yeah I understand her! She told me what you said- just like she told me about those ugly white disks you’ve got her wearin’ at the moment.”
“I…how did you…why….”
“Never mind that! You apologise right now or I’m gettin’ her to hide every last bottle of wine and all the Gorgonzola!”
“Of all the outrageous, presumptuous…by what right do you make such a cruel threat?” The baffled and beleaguered Third Doctor demanded. “What makes you think my TARDIS would even permit you to command her in such a fashion? Who are you, madam, to threaten such things?”
“Oh, we haven't had introductions, have we?” The Northern Doctor smirked. “Allow me to introduce Rose Tyler…my wife.”
The Third Doctor’s eyes grew round as the TARDIS hummed smugly. “Wife?”
“Wife,” the Northern Doctor nodded, slipping an arm about Rose’s waist. “An’ she’s not kiddin’ about the cheese.”
The TARDIS hummed again.
“Good grief!”
Fin