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Short Episode 10 AU

Summary:

Funny alternate canon that got stuck in my head and I wrote in two hours. It amused me, hopefully it'll amuse you. T for Tatsumaki cussing. Alternate timeline.

Work Text:

Saitama followed Genos through the HA headquarters. The kid seemed to know where they were headed so he just stuck with him. They said hi to a samuri dressed guy but he dismissed Saitama until he became S rank and walked away.
“Thick headed, dumbass Samauri. In denial.” A shrill voice called from the side of the hall. “Rice Grain!”
“Hm?”
“About time you show up to one of these meetings. The Hero Association chews me out every time I skip one, you shouldn’t get a free pass.” Tornado pointed at him with her typical irritated tone.
“Oh, Brat.” Saitama belatedly recognized her.
“I’m older than you are, Dickhead, and you know it!”
“Sensei, I wasn’t aware you knew The Tornado of Terror.”
“Hm?” Saitama was reminded Genos was there. “Oh yeah, I helped her when…” His cape wrapped itself around his face before he could finish talking about their shared past.
“You trying to pick a fight, Baldy?” Tonado floated to his height and leaned threateningly into his face as he calmly righted his cape.
“Geeze, you need to calm down. You shout more than Genos.” She gave him her signature huff and floated away.
They all sat around the lit table in an otherwise obnoxiously dark room.
“Hey, Baldy, you sit here.” Tonado moved the chair next to her towards Saitama.
“Ah, I was just going to sit by Genos.” Saitama took it from her telekinetic hold and pulled it around the end of the table to sit next to Genos.
“What are you gay now? Gay Baldy.”
“That’s offensive. Are you sure you’re an adult? Maybe your memory’s messed up or something,” he said with all sincerity. Tornado flipped him off. The other heroes were confused by this interaction but didn’t comment. Bang thought he’d never seen Tornado be so friendly with someone in the 3 years since she’d appeared.
Genos whispered, “Master, you aren’t bothered by her rudeness?”
“Nah, that’s how she treats everyone.” He noticed a staff member go by. “Oh hey, can I get some tea?”
“Thank you for waiting,” a HA official entered the meeting room. “We don’t know the locations of Blast or Metal Knight nor can we contact them at this time there’s no sense in waiting any longer so let’s begin…”
“Yeah right, who are you supposed to be?” Tornado interrupted.
“You can call me Sitch, I represent the Association in this matter.”
“Well, Stitch, get someone in here who knows what the fuck they’re talking about before I lose my patience.” Tornado continued to demand with arms crossed. She not only seemed to be leading up to something, most people at the table weren’t stupid enough to interrupt her, so nobody said anything.
“Miss, I assure you I’m the highest ranked Association official assigned to this case.”
“Bullshit. Whoever’s in charge didn’t even bother to tell you what their supposed number one hero looks like.” She said this dismissively as if it were obvious but it earned her confused expressions. “What?” She glanced around accusingly at the silence. “What?! Granted he’s got a painfully boring face, like a moldy potato, but seriously?”
To everyone’s surprise Saitama answered her insult, “Hey, I’m not that bad looking. And I just joined up with this Hero Association a month ago.”
“Ugh,” Tornado rolled her eyes. “I swear you’re going senile. They call you Blast, remember?”
“No, the big-chinned brat and the big-chinned old man called me Blast.”
Tornado thrust a finger at Sitch without looking away from Saitama. “He works for the big chinned old man, you dumbass! This is his building, where the fuck did you think you were?”
“Oh.” Saitama considered that for half a second. “Okay.”
Genos recovered first. “Sensei! This means you were S class all along!”
“Yeah, I guess,” Saitama remained unfazed. Tornado turned her irritation on the rest of the room.
“What’s with all the dumb faces?”
“Ms. Tornado, I think you forget that you were the only one here to have met Blast face to face,” Bang said diplomatically.
“Then who did you think he was? You just let wierdos wander into S class meetings? What the fuck?” Nobody paid much attention to her continued gripping.
“Sensei, you’re so humble, you didn’t even need recognition as the top rank hero.”
Saitama remembered a bit more about it now that it was mentioned. “Yeah, the old man said he was going to try to get more heroes together. Didn’t think he’d get so many.” He finished his tea.
“Am I the only one here with two brain cells to rub together? What’s wrong with all of you?” Tornado continued to whine to nobody.
Atomic Samurai was already standing and walked over to Saitama. “I should have sensed how strong you are right away. Atomic Samurai.” He offered his hand.
“No problem.” Saitama shook his hand.
“Mr. Blast!” Superally Blackluster eagerly stood and hurried over.
“Just a second,” Saitama stopped him. “Can I get a refill on this?” He held out his empty cup, and the assistant that had been politely punctual before dashed over at speeds that made Flashy Flash impressed and took it with a deep bow.
“I’m Superally Blackluster, it’s an honor to meet you, sir.”
“Cool hero name.” Saitama shook his hand calmly. “Bit long though, do you shorten it at all?”
“Hey! Everyone stop drooling over the baldy. I’ve been waiting two hours already!” Tornado got them back on track.
“So he’s number one, big whoop. I want to know what’s so damn urgent. I skipped out on my little sister’s recital for this.”

Flashback:
Saitama didn’t know what happened. One second he’d punched out a monster and now he was in a small steel room. His track suit was gone. More concerning, these weren’t his boxers and he thought another patch of his hair was missing. He scratched his butt and realized there was a big needle mark there. Did someone tranqu dart him like a deer?
There was no handle on the door so he tried both pushing and pulling. When that didn't work he just tried knocking.
“Hey! I’m trying to sleep here!” Someone shouted.
“Is someone there? Can you open the door?”
“Are you stupid? We’re locked in, genius.”
“Why?”
“I’m psychic, I don’t know what you do.”
“My name’s Saitama. I’m training to be a hero.”
End Flashback:
“And that’s how I met the brat.”
“I see, how did Sensei escape?”
“I was strong enough to break down the door. Then Tornado was pretending to not be able to use her powers but I told her to stop pretending and we escaped together. She’s not so bad. She was just locked in there most of her life so nobody taught her to be polite.”