Archive of Our Own

It’s been seven years since the world ended again.

One year since the group in space and the prisoners came down.

One year since the bunker opened up.

And it has honestly been one of the longest years of Clarke’s life. Even after the grounders, Mount Weather, Alie, and the world fucking ending again, the prisoners wreaked havoc on the ground. They were the ones who landed first, the ones that Clarke and Madi had to attempt to negotiate with. Needless to say, it didn’t go as planned. Instead they were on the run for a few days in the rover trying to get away from them.

They raced back to Polis, trying to stay away from the mysterious prisoners that had landed on their Earth. They hid in the rubble for a few days, but eventually the prisoners found them and asked where they were and what was going on. When, about a week later, Bellamy showed up. Bellamy and the rest of the group who left her alone, presumably dead. That’s what she was to everyone. To everyone in the bunker, and to her close friends in space. She was dead.

It was a very strange reunion. She was happy to see her friends. But Clarke felt like she no longer fit with them. Almost as if they had just reached the ground for the first time and no one fit in with anyone. Madi stuck by her, of course, and Raven had fun teasing Clarke about basically becoming a single mom. Bellamy, however, kept his space.

The group had somehow convinced the prisoners to help move all of the rubble. There was much deliberation on what was going to happen when they got it open, but in the end it was determined that the group of prisoners would be able to find life in the new society that was going to be built after it was all over.

Eventually, the bunker was unearthed. Raven had some explosives left from what she had made while up in space and they were able to use that before having to move the rocks on their own. Octavia was the first one out, cheeks pale and eyes sunken from the lack of sunlight. The survivors followed, and Clarke doesn’t remember that few of people going in to the bunker all those years ago. She remembers that the bunker would only sustain life for 1,200 people for five years, and that something probably had to be done.

Among the survivors were Abby, Kane, and Miller. Abby held on to Clarke for an extremely long time before pulling away and staring in awe. Monty and Miller exchanged a hug, and Bellamy and Octavia embraced, and the hardness from the years earlier had faded from her eyes.

Bellamy finally speaks to her two days after the bunker was opened up. He looks different. Older, more exhausted than she remembers. His hair is longer and he has a beard now. He stares at her for a long moment. She used to be able to read his expression so well. “Are you gonna say anything?” She finally spits out.

“We thought you were dead. For six years. It’s just been a shock seeing you alive.” He replies calmly, crossing his arms over his chest to stop the shaking that Clarke can still see. “I’m sorry.” He finally says and her brows furrow.

“You’re sorry?”

“I left you behind. I let you go fix the satellite and then closed the door.”

Clarke sighs and shakes her head. She knew it would come to this eventually. “It’s not your fault. I chose to stay behind. I had to do it to keep you alive.”

“We could’ve waited.”

She shakes her head again and rests her hands gingerly on his forearms. “No, you couldn’t have. A second later and the window would’ve closed. It was the only choice.” His eyes jerk up to hers, no doubt remembering one of the last conversations they shared before Praimfaya. “I survived, Bellamy. I’m alive.”

“You could’ve been with us the whole time. If we had just moved a little faster, or I went to fix the satellite, or—“

Clarke pulls him towards her and wraps his arms around his middle, resting her chin on his shoulder. He finally, finally, manages to wrap his arms around her as well, and they stay like that for a very, very long time. They’re both crying, and he can feel her tears seeping through his threadbare shirt. His hands scrunch in her hair, and he lets out his first sigh of relief since they got back on the ground. When they pull away, his hands cup her cheeks and he brushes away the tears left on her face. “I radioed every day,” she whispers and he shakes his head. She never gave up, all of those days. All of those painstaking days.

“We didn’t get it. Our communication systems were down until we made it back in space. We heard from the bunker for the first two years. Then it went silent. Never heard from you,” he whispers back, “you scared the shit out of me, Princess.” The nickname is foreign on his tongue and foreign to her ears. The only thing she’s been called is Clarke, only by Madi. He swallows thickly and wraps her in another hug. “Don’t die on me again. Please.”

Clarke nods rapidly before she hears more footsteps approach her.

“I thought he’d be taller.” Clarke pulls away and sees Madi watching them curiously. “You didn’t say he had a beard.”

Her cheeks flush and she laughs and pulls Madi into her side before looking back up at Bellamy. “Madi, this is Bellamy. Bellamy, this is Madi.” She sticks her hand out to shake his and he raises a brow before shaking hers loosely.

“Why’d you think I’d be taller?”

Madi shrugs and looks up at Clarke. “Clarke talked about you a lot. Like, all the time. Like, it was never ending—“

“Okay, that’s enough.” Clarke shushes her, and she feels her face turning beet red.

“I think he’s tall enough,” she continues and Clarke has to bite her lip to keep from smiling. Bellamy looks baffled, but a small smile is finally forming on his face. “I mean you’re not very tall but it works—“

“Madi,” Clarke laughs again, ignoring Bellamy’s brow. “I will be right over. Can you go sit with my mom for a few minutes?”

Madi finally nods, gives Bellamy one last grin before hopping away to Abby and Kane. “I found her four years ago. She was six, six, and she was alone. Her family didn’t make it, and I couldn’t just leave her there.”

“How’d she make it?”

“Nightblood.” Bellamy nods and Clarke shakes her head again. “We’ve been together ever since.”

Bellamy and Clarke finally get to talk about everything that’s happened one night about three weeks later. The survivors had been too busy removing essentials from the bunker for them to be able to talk, and they’ve been too tired to talk. They’ve had to revert back to using tents to sleep in, because everything is being transported back to the green patch.

But finally, after one day of relative quiet and no heavy labor, Bellamy finds Clarke sitting on the ground is his tent, fingers awkwardly playing with her now shorter hair. “Hey,” he forces out, raising a brow. “Everything okay?”

Clarke lets out a sigh. “I just… wanted to talk.”

“To talk? We can talk about anything.”

“No, like talk about the last six years.”

He freezes before turning towards her while an unrecognizable expression on his face. “Why do you want to do that?”

“Because I’ve talked to everyone else except you, Bellamy.”

He finally sighs again and nods, plopping down on the ground with her. “Okay.” He stares straight ahead, his eyes fixated on the side of the tent. “You first. How did you survive? We thought…”

Clarke doesn’t hesitate to jump right in. “Nightblood. I got to the lab just in time. My helmet cracked on the way back but I got in before the blast. I don’t really remember what happened after that. I don’t really know how long I was out after it happened. It’s all fuzzy, even now.” She hates thinking of that moment of her life. She doesn’t talk about it. Clarke takes a tight breath and looks down at her hands. “I tried getting in contact with the bunker and with you but it didn’t go through. I didn’t leave the lab for another three weeks after that. There was enough food and water to last me a while but I had to ration it because I didn’t know what I’d be able to find again.”

Bellamy jerks his gaze to her but she doesn’t look up. “And then I went outside and everything,” Clarke sucks in another tight breath. “Everything was gone. Blackened and singed and dead. There was ash everywhere and everything was just… gone. And it was awful. And weeks passed and things got really hard and I didn’t want to do it anymore. I was really close to…”

“You don’t have to say it.”

Clarke nods gratefully and plays with her fingers. “And then I found Polis, or what was left of it. I found what was left of the tower, and I knew the bunker was under it. Every few weeks I would try to shift some rubble around but nothing ever moved. But it gave me some sort of hope, I guess.”

“And then I moved into Becca’s old house, the house with so many rooms. We all could have stayed there, y’know? I had to fix the window that was broken, but Becca was smart and left patch kits. I found the Rover.” His rover. “I was able to fix it up and then it could be used. I found Madi two years in, after I had left Polis for that month. She was hiding in the back of a cave, covered in dirt and blood and just looked absolutely terrified. I was able to convince her to come back with me because she couldn’t be out there alone. She finally did and it took a while but she told me what happened.” Bellamy is watching her intently, trying to find words to say, but what is there to say in a moment like this? “Parents hid her as best as they could, and I guess they died during the blast. She suffered a lot of radiation poisoning, but not as bad as I thought. And then we just… lived, I guess. Made our rounds to Polis, searched for any other life, and tried to cultivate life in the green patch. Gave her lessons about hunting and gathering but also English and math, from what I remembered.” Bellamy cracks a tight smile and rests a hand on her knee, and Clarke stares at it.

“Things got hard again, when five years hit and no one came down or came out of the bunker. I didn’t get out of bed for weeks. Madi held me up, and finally just got angry at me and told me to pull myself together. And then we just made due. And then the prisoners came down, and here we are. Back on the ground.” Clarke finishes quietly, finally looking back up at Bellamy. There are questions, so many questions, lingering on his face, but she knows that he won’t ask them. Not until he knows that he can prepare himself for the answer. “Your turn.” She teases and he tries to give her a weak smile, but it flops when he sighs.

He’s very quiet for a few minutes, and for a minute Clarke thinks he’s not going to speak to her. “It uh, it was hard.”

And then he stops, as if he expects that to be the whole explanation.

She shoves his shoulder lightly. “I just poured out six years of my life to you and you give me it was hard?” He makes a face and she frowns. “I’m kidding. I get it.”

“I don’t think you do,” he grumbles, pulling his hand from her knee. The touch had been so comforting, so normal that she almost forgot it was there. It’s been a long time since anyone touched her but Madi. Her knee is cold now. “It was hard because it was seven of us. Seven of us for six years and no one understood how it felt to be me. We got up there and I just… drank. Drank myself nearly to death and Murphy was the one who finally found me, and oh he never lets me forget it. It was hard. We ate plants for at least five months, until we could figure out how to make other food. Ran around the Ark for exercise so that when we came back to Earth our legs wouldn’t give out on us. Raven worked on the pod to get back down so much during the few years. Said it had to be perfect for us, for you. She beat herself up a lot too, you know.” Clarke does know. She and Raven had a very long talk about it the week previous. Raven thought that she was part of the problem, because she didn’t check the satellite earlier. Clarke nods.

“Monty and Harper broke up at some point, because there was literally nothing else to do. Monty said that he missed Miller a lot. Murphy and Emori still going strong. Had a scare that she was pregnant at some point, but it turned out none of the girls could conceive while up there. Kind of made our lives easier. Didn’t have to worry about it.” Clarke feels her heart twinge uncomfortably as Bellamy continues. “Echo edged her way in, eventually.” He says her name in a softer tone, one that she hadn’t heard yet. Her heart twinges again.

“You’ve told me about everyone but yourself. I’ve heard what they’ve had to say, even Echo, as hard as it was. Tell me about you.” She’s pressing him, and they both know it. But, if this is how she learns Bellamy again, then so be it.

He stares at her for a minute before heaving a sigh. “I was a wreck. For the longest time.” He admits, shaking his head. “Drank a lot, didn’t really contribute much. Monty said it was part of the five stages of grief, and I didn’t believe him for a while until I just got angry, at everything. Angry at myself, angry at Raven, angry at the world for ending again, and then angry at you, because I couldn’t understand why you would offer to go, when you knew you wouldn’t make it. I yelled a lot. All the time. At literally anything I could.”

“We lost contact with the bunker two years in and that was almost as scary as going back to the Ark. I almost ejected myself from it, just to get away from it all. Murphy and Monty pulled me back, and didn’t let me do anything alone for months. Probably a good thing, looking back at it.” He pauses and Clarke nods, trying to take in all of this information. She had heard bits and pieces of how Bellamy acted, but never the full story. And now, she’s getting it, but she’s not quite sure if she wants all of it. He runs his fingers through his curls, making them unrulier than before. His hair is longer now. “I shaved my head,” he finally admits, and Clarke feels a laugh bubble out of her.

“You, what?”

He rolls his eyes and cracks a tiny smile. “I thought that if I shaved my head I would feel better. That I would forget that everything happened, but instead I just looked stupid and I missed my hair. Raven honestly probably has a picture of it somewhere, if you’re that curious.” Clarke laughs again and nods, and he grins a little. “But I shaved my head, hated it, and then told myself that I’d never do that again.” She bites her lip to keep from grinning and he shakes his head. “We did what we had to do. Worked on the rocket, found solace in each other. I got better. I was still angry at myself, and sad, but got better. When it hit five years and Raven told us we couldn’t go down, god that was the worst day of my entire life. At that point I had stopped believing that you had made it. You were dead and we wouldn’t even be able to give you a proper funeral, and it hurt. I forgot the sound of your voice, Clarke. And that was the hardest thing.”

This time, it’s Clarke that rests a hand on his knee, and he takes it with his own. She stares at their hands for a moment, marveling in the way that they fit together, before shaking back to what he’s saying. “We got back to our routine. Kept fixing up the rocket in hopes that one day we’d go back to the ground. The girls got close, and I guess Murphy and I are friends now. I guess. Echo uh,” he pauses at this, and rubs the back of his neck and tries to avoid her gaze. “We started hooking up. I don’t quite know what it was, or what it is now, but…”

“Does she make you happy?” Clarke’s stomach twinges uncomfortably. Something about this doesn’t sit well with her at all. She wants him to be happy, she does. But she didn’t quite imagine it’d be with Echo.

“I guess,” he doesn’t sound so sure, but continues. “I don’t know if I necessarily trust her all that much still, but it works.” Clarke nods, and pushes him forward, eager to get off of the topic of his love life over the past six years. “And then one day, Raven told us a few more days. Everyone worked so hard. We heard static on the radio for the first time in four years, but it was from the prisoners, and we worked harder. Got into the rocket, and here we are.”

Clarke nods again and he sighs, shaking his head. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly, “for leaving you.”

“It had to be done,” she repeats, squeezing his hand. “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not. I left you to die, Clarke. To die.”

“You didn’t have a choice.” She soothes but he isn’t having it.

“I felt so guilty, for so long. Still do,” he admits, “but now you’re alive all of the sudden, and I’m just a little thrown off. I just need some time to get used to it again.” Clarke nods.

“I need to get used to being around other people again.” She replies, and he nods. She doesn’t try to understand what he went through up there, and he won’t try it with her experiences. What happened to them makes them who they are, and even if there were some rough times, they got through it, like they always do. Together.

And now, a year later, there is some sort of a village forming. They moved away from the rubble, back to the one green patch left on the earth. They don’t know where in relation it is to the old Arkadia, or even the Dropship. It all feels millions of years ago. None of them seem to care. All that matters is that they’ve made it back.

After the fiasco of the last year in the bunker, Octavia chose to give the role of leadership to Indra and Kane. They worked well together, and had often helped Octavia make the hard choices. The grounders in the bunker are no longer grounders, really. They still have their customs and their traditions, but they had to adapt to the changes of the bunker and the technology. They’ve become one group of people, people who have grown and learned together. The clans intermingled, and children have come out of a few couples. It’s exciting to see new life on the ground just as they all get to start their new life.

Monty and Miller start dating. No one really knows how long it’s been going on, but Bellamy caught Monty sneaking out of Miller’s cabin early one morning when he had to go to Guard, and he’s never seen either of them as happy as they were. Even if they were both embarrassed beyond belief.

Abby and Kane had been married at some point in the six years. They went through a hard time at the beginning, but quickly worked past it and are now happily married. They didn’t want to do it without Clarke, but she understands why it had been done.

Bellamy and Echo ended whatever they started about two months after they landed. Bellamy has never really elaborated on why, but Clarke takes it. Something in her heart twinges again, but in a more comfortable way.

Much to her surprise, Harper moves in on Echo after that, and miraculously, it works out. They’re happy together, and everyone’s glad that they can find some happiness after another end of the world.

Clarke and Bellamy grow back together. It takes a few months, but it happens. They had to relearn each other, figure out everything that had changed. If possible, they grow even closer together. Late night conversations turn into falling asleep together, and goodnights turn into longwinded affairs that neither want to end. She knows what she feels for him, but doesn’t act on it. She can’t act on it yet, and she doesn’t know if she ever will. Raven and Harper push her to, and Octavia just rolls her eyes and says that they’re both being stupid, but Clarke refuses to act on it. For now.

Every Friday night, the delinquents (those that are left) have a tradition. They build a fire in one of the more secluded areas of the camp and just sit around and drink and be with one another. They’ve lost so many of them, and it only seems right to cherish the time they have together.

This night, in particular, is a special one.

It’s been a year since they all came down again. Since the bunker opened and the few in space found their way back to the ground. And it’s been a hard year. A hard year of rebuilding and growing back together and finding their way. But they’re here.

Monty’s made his god-awful moonshine and they’ve pooled what they can so that they can have fun. They play drinking games and cards and tell stories about funny shit that’s happened to them. They act like kids, because they never really got to.

Bellamy and Clarke sit together on a lop by the fire. Madi’s with Abby and Kane for the night, much like she usually is on a Friday as Clarke is sometimes too drunk to watch out for her. They’re both nursing a cup of moonshine, but Clarke is much more drunk than Bellamy is. “You’re such a lightweight.” He laughs, knocking his shoulder against hers.

“I am not,” Clarke says back and he laughs before taking her drink. “Hey give that back!”

“No,” he says, pouring what’s left into his drink. “Mine now.” She sticks out her bottom lip in protest and Bellamy glances down at her lips before back at her eyes. “Nuh uh, pouting isn’t gonna get you anywhere.”

“You’re no fun,” Clarke huffs as Harper jumps over, a bright smile plastered on her face. “Harper! Did you know that Bellamy’s no fun?”

She sits down on Clarke’s lap and spreads her feet across Bellamy’s. He gives a look of mock annoyance but continues to smile and sip his drink. “He’s so lame, Clarke! Never any fun. He wouldn’t play games with us up in space.”

“Because your games were lame, Harp.” Bellamy scoffs as Harper scoots away from the two and over to Echo who’s laughing with Raven about something.

“Were her games lame, Bell?”

His shoulders shrug. “Sometimes. Sometimes we had races around the Ark to see who would win. Sometimes we just got hammered on what little alcohol was left and what we could make.” Clarke snorts. “Nothing beats this shit, though.”

Clarke laughs and tries to reach for his drink to take a sip, but he doesn’t let her. So she just leans against him quietly. Clarke literally cannot deny her feelings for the man sitting next to her any longer. Glances have turned into lingering stares, her friends are starting to tease her more and more, and she almost can’t stop herself from finally kissing him. But she does, because she knows he’s still recovering from the last six years and she doesn’t want to get in the way of that recovery. But oh, her heart aches to kiss him. To finally know what she’s been missing all of these years, to understand why she’s so drawn to him.

He takes another sip before he lets her have one and she grins because she knows that she’s won. She frowns when he takes it back after one sip. “Nope. Can’t have you getting to the point of vomiting again.”

Clarke groans and covers her eyes. “That was one time, Bellamy! Once!”

“One time was enough.” Bellamy laughs, and she feels the vibration in her stomach. Dammit, she’s gotta get control on herself. She feels him press his lips to her head and then her head is spinning again. Her stomach turns from the feeling of him being so close.

Clarke and Bellamy watch their friends do stupid things with alcohol and laugh about it to each other. She wonders when they all grew up. She feels Bellamy shift as he goes to stand up. “Where are you going?” Her body whines from the lack of contact between them.

“To get some water?” She huffs and he makes a face. “Do you want to come with me?” When she smiles, he rolls his eyes and offers a hand to help her up. She has to steady herself, and when they start walking, he doesn’t drop her hand. The water barrel is in a dark place around the campfire. Monty’s reasoning was that no one should get water while drinking, and that’s why he put it in the corner. Clarke tried to tell him that it was stupid, but he waved her off. And like usual, there’s no one there.

Bellamy drops her hand and pours a cup for her and then for him and they stand there for a moment in silence, listening to the laughter come from the campfire. “Drink.” He says gently, tipping the cup in her hand. “It’ll help with the hangover you’re bound to have.”

Clarke narrows her eyes as Bellamy guides the cup to her lips as if she’s a child. She can’t stop looking at his own lips. Finally, she’s able to force out words. “I can do it.” He laughs as she sloshes the water. “You messed me up!”

Bellamy leans closer to her and rests one of his shoulders on the wall, taking both of their cups and placing them on the barrel. “You messed that one up by yourself, Princess.” Clarke goes to argue and he laughs again, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear. “That piece never seems to stay,” he murmurs quietly.

“Do you notice that?”

He tips his head up in a nod quickly, before cradling one of her cheeks in his hand. “I do,” his voice comes out gravely, and Clarke has to stop herself from shivering. She isn’t even cold, but the night isn’t doing this to her. This is all Bellamy. “I notice a lot, Clarke.”

“Mmhmm,” she doesn’t trust herself to speak. His eyes search her face, trying to find some sort of emotion on it. She doesn’t stop staring. “Like what?” Clarke breathes and he takes a step closer to her. She feels his free hand drop and wrap around her waist tightly. His hand is large on her back and she has to remind herself to breathe. She feels her heart pounding and she wonders if he can hear it. Her brain is hazy but she doesn’t know if it’s from the alcohol or from Bellamy. Probably a little bit of both.

“I notice that you love everyone here more than you love yourself,” he whispers, his face a few inches from hers, “I notice that you love and care for Madi more than anyone you’ve ever known. I notice that you say that you love working with your mom but I know that you’d rather be doing anything else.” Clarke lets out a shaky laugh and nods her head. Her fingers latch on to his jacket and try to pull him closer. “I’m going to kiss you now.” Bellamy murmurs again, and before she has time to process it, his lips are finally, finally, on hers.

There’s almost an immediate explosion between them. He pulls her right up against him and continues to pull her closer. Her senses are on fire and all she can feel and think is Bellamy. The warmth of his mouth, the largeness of his hands, everything. Clarke doesn’t have any other sense as to what’s going on besides Bellamy. All she can register is Bellamy. She’s feels so warm. The warmth has traveled from her chest to her arms and to other places of her body. Her fingers fly into his hair as she stands on her toes to reach him. There’s a low growl in the back of his throat and Clarke pants when he pulls away to press kisses down her neck.

Clarke doesn’t know what to do, she doesn’t know where to touch, all she knows is that this is happening. “Bellamy,” she breathes, when he finds his way back to her mouth. He manages to press her to the wall and she wants to be inside, she wants to be in a bed, and she wants him. Bellamy’s hands start to travel downwards towards her ass when he finally breaks himself away. Clarke whines with the cold, but her heart thumps out of her chest at the looks of him. His lips are swollen and his hair is everywhere. But she doesn’t want it to stop. They’re still very close. “Bellamy,” she forces out again, and he brushes their lips together, much more gently this time, as if he’ll never be able to do it again. Her fingers search for the end of his shirt rapidly, and he groans as she grinds against him.

“Clarke,” he pulls away further and her eyes meet his. “You’re drunk.” She curses herself for having as much alcohol as she did. She starts to protest and he shakes his head. “No, you are. I don’t want this to be how it happens.” Clarke makes a grumbling noise and pulls him back towards her. His hands slide to her waist and he has to shake himself away from kissing her again. “I want to,” he stresses, “I want this and I want you, but we can’t.”

Clarke presses on her toes to kiss him and he relents for a moment, taking her in and kissing into her mouth. She can’t stop and doesn’t want to stop kissing him. It’s like she’s been waiting for that breath of life for years and he’s the only one who can give it to her. “I will be fine in a few hours.” She mumbles against his lips and he chokes on his laugh. She wants this. The heat pooling in her belly isn’t going anywhere anytime soon and she desperately pulls him closer. “We’re not getting anywhere standing by the water bin, Bellamy.”

Bellamy has to physically force himself away from her and she takes in the look in his eyes. Dark, and hungry with want for her. “Stay with me tonight.” He finally says, obviously trying to keep his sanity. Clarke doesn’t hesitate to nod, and then her lips are on his again, greedily taking him in. He lets out a low laugh before shaking his head. His eyes are bright and his smile can’t be shaken. “You’re gonna kill me, Clarke.” He takes her hand again and leads her back out to the fire. She kind of hears Bellamy tell Monty that he’s taking her home but she’s too wrapped in him to notice. She does notice the pointed look that Monty gives her, but he doesn’t say anything.

Within minutes, they’re right back where they left off, but only this time they’re inside his cabin and losing clothing. Their jackets, along with their shoes and socks, have been discarded by the door and he has her pressed up against the wall burning hot kisses down her throat. Clarke’s hands fist in his hair and he makes a groaning noise. “I thought you said you wanted to wait.” She manages and he slowly starts to pull away. Clarke groans. “I didn’t mean that meant to stop! I am not drunk, Bellamy.” Drunk on him, maybe. The alcohol has left her system.

“Clarke,” he pulls away and rests his arms above her on the wall. “I don’t want this to be how this happens. Both of us being intoxicated.”

“We had water,” she says and he shakes his head and smiles sadly.

“I’m going to go change. There are shirts in the dresser if you want to change too.” He gives her another kiss that escalates, again, before he’s finally able to pull away and into the bathroom. Clarke stands disappointed for a moment, before she moves towards Bellamy’s dresser and pulls out an old tan shirt that he used to wear all the time. The one he wore when he went back to space. She takes her own shirt off before pulling his on, and then shimmies out of her jeans and goes back into the front room to wait for him.

He was so eager, so willing, so ready. And he still stopped them from continuing. She’s wanted this for months, years really. And now she’s getting robbed of it? It seems a little unfair to her. She sits quietly in front of the unlit fireplace, playing with the ends of her hair when he reemerges. He stops for a second and takes in the sight in front of him. “C’mere.” He says quietly, and opens his arms for her to wrap herself in. She stands there for a minute, relishing in the feeling of his body against hers. “Let’s go to bed.” Her eyes prick with tears and she buries her face in his chest.

“I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be in in a minute.” She manages shakily and hurries into the bathroom. He tries to catch her but she’s too quick. Clarke stands in the small room, facing the mirror. More tears threaten her eyes and she wipes them away furiously. She doesn’t even know why she’s crying. Because she isn’t going to have sex with Bellamy? She definitely thinks that’s something to cry about when she’s wanted it for so long. He just stopped. And yeah, it took him a while, but he still stopped. There’s a knock on the door a few minutes later and she wipes her eyes again. “I’m fine. I’ll be out in a second.”

Clarke gathers herself again before opening the door and finding Bellamy standing. “Clarke,” he starts and she shakes her head.

“Let’s just go to bed.” He takes her hand and follows her to his bed where she lays down quickly.

“What’s going on? I know when you’re upset.” He doesn’t sit on the bed but instead kneels on the floor. “Is this because I stopped?” She takes a shaky breath and then she nods a little. “Clarke, you know why we can’t. Not tonight at least.” The memory of his hands sliding down her body and his tongue in her throat take over her head. “Alcohol affects decisions, and I don’t want to do something and then have you regret it.”

“Regret what?” Clarke sits up, almost violently. Her eyes are in flames and she looks furious.

“Sex. Regret sex.”

She rolls off the bed so that she’s kneeling next to him. “Bellamy, I’ve literally been trying to figure out how to jump you for weeks now.” She feels her cheeks and body flush and she’s grateful that there’s only one low light coming from the gas lamp in the corner. “I’m not as drunk as you think I am. Look, you can even test me if you want.” She says quickly and he makes a face. “I want to have sex with you, Bellamy. But if you don’t want to, then we don’t have to.

“God, I want to.” He groans, rubbing his hand on his face.

“Then why don’t you?” It’s a challenge and he knows it. She’s sober now. Or, at least becoming soberer as this conversation goes on. It’s killing her.

His eyes darken and his eyes flirt back to her mouth. “Are you sure, Clarke? We can wait,” he’s cut off by her finding his lips again. The spark is back, and it’s even more so than before. Bellamy presses her to him and she can feel everything. He nips at her bottom lip and she moans and scrambles into his lap. He lets out a string of curse words as she lands kisses on his jaw and her fingers travel up his shirt, begging to get it off. Bellamy lets her pull it off quickly and immediately sucks on her neck. Clarke grinds her hips into his to create more of that wonderful friction between them and that about does it. He lifts her up swiftly and dropping her on the mattress. And when he looks at her, she sees nothing but want.

Bellamy presses her into the bed as his fingers skirt up her stomach and waist and her body arches into him. She can see the bulge in his pants and in between her thighs grows hotter. Quick fingers pull the shirt off of her and then she’s exposed, in just her panties and bra. She feels herself blush as Bellamy’s eyes soften. “You’re incredible. God.” He kisses down her chest to her bra and he sucks softly again. Clarke lets out a gasp and he grins wickedly, making quick work to get her bra off. When it is, he pauses again. “Are you sure?”

Clarke rolls her eyes and runs her fingers through her hair. “Bellamy Blake, I would not be half naked, incredibly turned on, and in your bed if I did not want to have sex with you. Kiss me.” She pleads, and he does. He dips down to kiss her again, capturing her lips with his and she groans. His hands grip onto her hips and he presses a kiss to her shoulder. “It’s ah,” Clarke pauses as his trails his mouth down her stomach, “it’s been a while. Seven years, actually.”

Bellamy snorts and looks up her, a smirk very present on his face.

“I’ll make it good.” Clarke groans, and oh, he lives up to his promise. The only name she remembers is his and the only feeling she remembers is his hands on her body, in her hair, in her, all around her. His lips leave love bites all down her body and her senses are filled with only Bellamy. It’s awkward, it’s uncoordinated, but fuck it’s the best that Clarke has felt in years. They’re both panting heavily when they finally finish and Bellamy leans up to kiss her sweetly, his body spent. Clarke laughs breathlessly.  

Bellamy looks confused. “What’s so funny?”

“We just had sex, Bellamy.”

He raises a brow as she rolls them so she’s straddling him, their sweaty bodies rubbing together again. “Is that supposed to be funny?” He lets out in a strangled voice as she leans down to kiss him again, her mouth moving to suck on his throat for a moment. His curls stick to his forehead, but he looks thrilled.

“Yes. Because it’s us and we had sex.”

“I’m sorry, I’m not following. Why is this so funny?”

Clarke laughs against his neck and his hands wrap on her waist, kneading into her skin. “Because it’s us, Bell. Everyone’s had bets on us for years. I didn’t know if those bets were off when the world ended, but I think Monty won.”

Bellamy lets out a sharp laugh and leans up to kiss her sweetly. Words hesitate on the tip of her tongue, but she knows she can’t say them. Not yet, not when it’s so soon. This kiss is much gentler than the last few. His lips are soft and warm and she wants to melt into them as much as possible. She wants to savor this moment, because she doesn’t know if it’ll be the last time she gets to kiss him.

They lay in bed an hour later. It’s very late, well into the night but they’re both wide awake. Their bodies are sticky, but neither seem to care. His fingers curl through her hair and hers frame his face, like it’s the last time she’ll ever see him. Bellamy’s propped up on his elbow as he lays next to her, with the sweetest smile on his face.

“What?” Clarke says, finally dropping her hands.

Bellamy shrugs and grins sheepishly. “I dunno. I just,” he pauses and smiles again, “I just never thought we’d be here.

“Laying naked in a bed together?” Clarke teases and he shakes his head, his bangs flying in his eyes.

“No, well, yes, but,” he lets out a sigh and leans over her to kiss her gently. “Yes. I never thought we’d be here. Ever. Especially when I spent six years in space.”

She laughs. “Don’t do that again. Spend six years in space away from me. I didn’t appreciate it.” He laughs and dips down to kiss her again. She hesitates on her next words and he frowns. “Is this more than a one-time thing? Or is this it?”

His brows furrow and his frown deepens. “Depends on what you want.” He’s suddenly retreated back into his shell, closing himself off to her and this time she frowns.

“Bellamy.”

“Clarke,” he rolls onto his back and she leans up on her elbow this time. “I could spend the rest of my life kissing you. But if that’s not what you want then I won’t.”

She feels the wind get knocked out of her and then she frowns. “Bellamy Blake, you’re an idiot. You are such an idiot.” Clarke presses a soft kiss to his shoulder and then to his cheek. “I’ve wanted this for a while. I just didn’t know how to get it, especially with everything that’s happened. I wanted to make sure you were ready.”

“I’ve been ready for years.”

“And you didn’t do anything about it?” She swats him playfully and he smiles, turning to face her.

“You were too concerned about saving the world to notice.”

Clarke rolls her eyes and he rolls his back, before kissing her head. “Still would’ve been nice to know.” She grumbles. Bellamy chuckles and goes to say something when the door flings open.

“Bellamy have you—?” Clarke rushes to pull the covers around her body as Murphy waltzes into the room “Oh for fuck’s sake!” He plasters his hands over his eyes and backs out drunkenly, bumping into the door frame as he goes. “It’s about damn time! Only took 7 years! Monty you owe me!” The door closes again and Clarke collapses into giggles. Her cheeks are flaming pink and she can barely look Bellamy in the eye.

He rolls so he’s hovering over her and she finally does look, only to find the most beautiful smile on his face. “It did take seven years. Have to make up for lost time.” He whispers as he leans down to kiss her again, and take her into the night, again. 

It’s a few weeks later when she notices that something is off. Her body aches. Constantly. She’s been throwing up, she’s exhausted, and just overall has not been feeling well. Most importantly, her period’s been off. Everyone’s has been off since being back on the ground or outside of the bunker, but hers completely skipped. She chalks it up to her body not being used to a steady supply of food and water and comfort.

But, Bellamy, nothing’s wrong with Bellamy. She doesn’t quite know what they are exactly. Sometimes she spends the night in his cabin, and sometimes he spends the night in her cabin. Sometimes there’s sex, and sometimes there’s not. All the time, however, are the lingering smiles and kisses and looks across the settlement when Murphy or Miller says something stupid. She thinks they’ve developed a nice system. Clarke just doesn’t know what to call it. But she’s happy. She knows that they’re together, but after that she doesn’t know much.

She goes to Medical a week later, finally fed up with everything that’s been going on and gives herself a blood test. She doesn’t want to bother her mother with something as mundane as this, as there are still people healing up from being in the bunker for so long. As she’s finishing, Madi scurries into the room and gives her a smile, and then a frown.

“What are you doing?”

Clarke holds up the vial of blood before putting it in the bag to be tested. “Haven’t been feeling well and just want to make sure I’m not dying.”

Madi puts her hands on her hips in a very Clarke-like way. “I’ve heard you throwing up in the morning. Do you think it’s the stomach flu? Did Bellamy get you sick?” Clarke bites her lip and Madi smirks. She’s more observant than Clarke thought she was.

Clarke shakes her head and grabs the bag to bring to her mother. “No, I don’t. And no, he didn’t. I’ve only been throwing up. I’m not feverish or anything. Just throwing up.” Madi raises an eyebrow and Clarke shrugs again. “I’m sure it’s nothing. I’m probably just eating something that doesn’t agree with me.” Deep down, though, she knows that something’s wrong. “C’mon, off to school, Madi.” The girl groans and Clarke shoos her towards the building they’ve designated as the school. There are only a few kids her age, because of how things went in the bunker, but it’s still a school. Clarke watches her disappear into the building before grabbing the bag and bringing it inside to start testing.

Two days later she gets the news. She’s finishing up carrying a load of medical supplies into the medical station when Abby comes up to her, her eyes wide. She’s carrying a piece of paper. Clarke’s brows shoot to her forehead as Abby pulls her into the small examination room. “I think you need to read this. Now.”

Clarke’s eyes skim over the paper, looking for any type of abnormality. She doesn’t see one until she gets to the bottom of the page, and then her heart stops.

Pregnant. Positive.

It feels as if the wind has been knocked out of her. “I…” She stumbles on her feet and her mother helps her sit down. Her legs seem to have lost all feeling. Abby searches Clarke’s eyes trying to find some sort of answer to her questions.

“Do you know…”

Clarke nods and presses her hands into her eyes to stop from crying. “Bellamy.” She chokes out, “I don’t—we didn’t—“

Abby holds Clarke to her and she cries into her mother’s shoulder. Everything Clarke has ever done has been calculated. Made sense, even if it didn’t work out in the end. This was not in the plan. The plan was to figure out what they were before going any further; to let this develop naturally. “The implants stopped working about a year after we went underground. Yours would have stopped too. That’s how it happened.” Abby soothes, rubbing her daughter’s shoulder. “You didn’t know.”

“I f-feel like I should have,” she sobs, shaking her head. “What do I do?”

Abby shakes her head. “I’m not the one who needs to make that decision. You need to talk to him.” No longer the woman who wants to dictate Clarke’s life, but instead the one who only wants to help her.

Madi finds her later in her bed. She’s been crying for hours. There’s obviously something wrong, but she doesn’t dare ask. Instead, she just climbs into bed with her. They did this during those six years. They lay facing each other and Madi starts to talk. Talks about anything and everything and makes up stories for Clarke. When Clarke got depressed halfway through the time, this is what they did, and they ended up okay. And Clarke tries to listen, she really does. She’s just too lost in thought about what happened, about what they did that caused this. When there’s a knock on the door, neither of them move, but Madi just keeps talking. When the door opens, and they hear Bellamy’s voice, Clarke rolls over and pretends to be asleep. Madi doesn’t ask questions, but instead tells Bellamy that she doesn’t feel well and is asleep. Clarke sends up a silent thanks to whatever is watching down on them that Madi was sent into her life.

Clarke avoids Bellamy like the plague for two days. She uses the excuse of being sick and not feeling up to being around anyone to hide from him and everyone else. Raven knows that something is up, and figured it out when she walked in on Clarke throwing up. Clarke begged her not to tell any of their other friends, especially not Bellamy, and she promised she wouldn’t.

But Bellamy finally gets fed up and corners her by the gate. “What’s going on?” he pleads, trying to find some sort of answer. When she doesn’t reply, he pulls her away from the guard and away from Miller and Murphy who are almost as concerned as Bellamy. “Clarke. Talk to me. Did I do something? I need you to say something so I know that you’re okay.” His hands reach up to cup her face gently and she feels a lump forming in her throat.

She shakes her head and then takes a shuddering breath. “You didn’t do anything, Bellamy.”

“Then what—“

“I just don’t know how you’re going to take it.”

“Take what, Clarke? If you’re telling me that the world is ending again and that we have to save everyone, again, then we can figure it out, we can do it, we’ve done it before you just need to tell me.”

Clarke finally looks up at him and finds fear in his eyes. Real fear, the kind of fear she hadn’t seen since that fateful day when she was left here. “I’m pregnant.” His brows furrow as he processes her words, and then he finally looks down at her stomach. His tongue darts out to wet his lips, and he opens his mouth to talk, but no words come out. “Say something,” croaks Clarke, “please.”

“Is it mine?” His voice is gruff. Closed off. His hands drop from her face.

Clarke nods. “You’re the only person I’ve had sex with in years, Bellamy.” He finally looks up to meet her eyes and she finds that there are tears glossing over them.

“I need,” he pulls away from her and glances back down at her stomach. “I need to get some air. I’ll, I’ll talk to you in a little.” He manages, and then hurries away from her and out of the gate. Murphy’s the one who helps her back to her room when her legs physically don’t work. Miller’s the one who runs to get Raven. Raven’s the one who sits with her for hours.

“If you want to talk, go for it. If not, we can just sit.” Raven tells her when she walks in and Clarke nods, staring at the empty fireplace. She’s lucky that Madi’s in school. She doesn’t want her to see this.

There’s silence for a while. “He just… walked away.” Clarke finally says, her head in her hands. “Didn’t even say anything.”

Raven sighs. “You dropped a big thing on him, in his defense. He shouldn’t have left you standing there alone, but he needed to get out.” She pauses, waiting for some sort of acknowledgement from Clarke. “He spent a lot of time alone when we were in space. The first couple years, at least. He felt so guilty about what happened that he could barely face any of us for the longest time. We didn’t blame him, and we told him that you didn’t either, but he wouldn’t listen. It hurt every day for him, for all of us really, but especially him.” Raven adds, “he didn’t know what to do with himself. And then he started hooking up with Echo and that lasted until we came back down, and he started to turn himself around but it was hard. And now, you’re here. You’re here and you’re alive and he just didn’t expect it. I don’t think he expected anything with you to ever happen. And now you’re telling him you’re pregnant with his child? That’s a lot to take in, Clarke. But he shouldn’t have walked away.”

Clarke nods and then rubs her eyes. “He’s been gone for hours. I don’t even know if he’s okay.”

“He knows the area surrounding us better than anyone. He’ll be okay.”

It’s within the next few minutes that both Madi and Bellamy walk in at the same time. Madi’s jabbering about something that happened at school today and Bellamy’s trying with all his might to pay attention to what the ten-year-old is saying. When he walks in and sees both Raven and Clarke, the latter of the two looking disastrous, he stops in his tracks. Raven pops up and herds Madi out, talking about the great dinner she’s going to cook. Raven can’t cook. All of them know that.

Bellamy approaches Clarke like she’s a wounded animal. She looks up from staring at the fireplace and she lets out a sigh. “I was wondering when you were going to make it back. If you were.”

“Clarke—”

“I’m keeping it. Whether you want me to or not. Life is too precious down here to throw it away. We don’t really have the capabilities for abortion.” She spits out, looking up at him. There’s always the grounder herbal tea that they have for instances like this but she doesn’t mention it.

Bellamy drops to the ground and sits a lengthy distance from her. “I wasn’t going to ask you to just get rid of it,” he spits out the last few words as if they’re vile in his mouth, “I just don’t understand.”

“Well, Bellamy, when a man and a woman have sex, there’s always a possibility—“

“Clarke,” he growls, apparently not appreciating her humor at the moment. “The implants.”

“Implants went dead five years ago.” Clarke supplies dully, looking at her boots. “Bellamy, it’s not like I asked for this to happen! I didn’t ask to get pregnant after only a few weeks of whatever this is.” She adds, gesturing between the two of them.

“I know that,” he says as calmly as he can, “it’s just a lot.”

“And I know that.” Clarke replies, finally looking at him. “And I understand if you don’t want to be a part of it,” she says bitterly, and Bellamy looks like he’s been slapped. “But I’m not getting rid of it.”

He takes a shuddering breath and then crawls so he’s sitting next to her. “And I’m not asking you to get rid of it. That’s your decision because it’s your body and your life. I’m just asking you to give me some time.” Bellamy looks as if he’s in severe pain. “I need, I need to figure out what I’m going to do. I don’t know how to be a father, Clarke. The last kid who looked up to me jumped off of a cliff. And I know that that can be chalked up to both of us not being attentive,” he hurries, when he realizes she’s about to argue. “But I just, I need time.”

“Okay,” she says dully, looking back towards the fireplace.

“I’m not saying no.”

“But you’re not saying yes,” she replies, fiddling with your fingers. He sighs and then pulls his head into a nod before resting his hand on top of hers. She resists the urge to pull away. “I get it. I do. It’s a lot to take in, especially now when we’ve only…” he nods and she shakes her head again. “I just need to know.” Bellamy tips his head into another nod and brushes at her face, and only then does she pull away. Again, he looks like he’s been slapped. “Don’t do that.”

He lets out a sigh and then stands, pressing a kiss to her head before he goes. “I’ll let you know. I just need some time.”

She cries for hours that night, her hands pressed to her stomach and her body curled into a ball.

 There’s a big storm a few nights later. One that almost rivals the hurricane they went through during the first few days on the ground. It mostly reminds her of the blast of Praimfaya. It scares her. It chills Clarke’s bones and shakes her to her core. They knew it was coming from the changes in the weather around them and the weird vibe they were all getting. It didn’t prepare them for what it actually ends up like.

Clarke’s in Bellamy’s cabin when it hits. They were going over some of the guard rotations when he had to go to his shift, and she just stayed in the cabin. She flinches when the first gust of wind hits, and she knows that everyone will be sent home soon. Her mind momentarily goes to Madi, before she remembers that she was in med bay with Abby hunkering down the patients. Clarke wishes that Bellamy was here, even if their relationship is strained. He hasn’t given her an answer, and she starting to think that she won’t get one. But, despite this, she still wishes that he was here to tell her it was going to be alright.

Clarke sits on the ground with her knees wrapped to her chest. She’s shaking. It’s cold and the wind and rain is freaking her out. Her hands are shaking with fear and she can’t get her mind to stop spinning. She has to remind herself that this is just rain, not fire. Not the end of the world. But, it wouldn’t take much to knock the entire settlement to the ground, honestly. It’s a fragile set up but they’ve done what they can to keep things in the ground. She tries to keep the fire going to get some sort of warmth and light in the small room, but it’s difficult.

After what feels like years, Bellamy finally pushes his way into the cabin. Water flies through the door just as he does before he gets inside and shoves it shut, locking it. He’s dripping wet and shivering. He looks at her a moment, confused as to why she’s still here but then quickly remembers. Clarke stands quickly to help and he shakes his head. “I got it. Stay by the fire.” She watches him shuck off his jacket and throw it onto the chair by the fire. His curls are drenched and he uses a towel to dry them out before he disappears into his bedroom to change. When he reemerges, he’s dry but still slightly shivering. Clarke stands again. “I’ll head back.”

Bellamy shakes his head immediately. “No. Definitely not. I could barely make it back here without blowing away. You’re small.”

Her hands go to her hips and she makes a face. “I live two hundred feet to the left.”

“Two hundred feet for you to get blown away in.” He replies quietly, stepping towards her. He pushes that one stubborn piece of hair behind her ears. “Stay. Here.”

“I don’t—“

“Clarke,” he growls and shakes his head again. “I don’t want to risk it.” He glances down at her stomach ever so slightly and she finally nods sadly. “Stay here tonight. Please.” He says pleadingly, and she tips her head into a nod again just as a gust of wind nearly knocks the hut down. She tries to hide her fear, but he notices.

It’s about thirty minutes later when they’re curled in his bed. The blankets are wrapped around them as the storm rages outside of the cabin. “Do you think everyone’s okay?” Clarke whispers, looking up at him. They lay facing each other, their feet tangled up. He’s upset and confused and she knows it, but she’s still grateful that he wants to protect her from the things that she’s scared of.

Bellamy sighs. “Dunno. Everyone was inside when it hit. I’m sure they’re fine.” Still, she chews on her lip. He runs his hand down her arm and eventually finds her hand. “Madi is fine. She went in with your mom and Kane in the med bay. If anything, that’s the safest place in the camp.” Clarke nods but she’s still not reassured. She’s cold and scared and worried. Bellamy sighs and gently tugs her closer as the rain beats the side of the cabin. His arms wrap around her and she presses her forehead into his chest, letting out a shaky breath.

“I-It reminds me of the blast of Praimfaya.” Clarke admits quietly, and he nods. She rarely talks about that moment in her life. When the wall of fire approached her, only a few seconds away from burning her to a crisp. She talks about everything before and after, but never that moment.

“I know. But it’s not,” Bellamy soothes, “it’s just a storm. Not the wrath of fire coming to kill us all, again.” She snorts and he wraps his fingers into her hair, curling her locks around his fingers. She’s always appreciated his shitty sense of humor. “I promise.” Clarke nods and he kisses the top of her head ever so slightly. “Won’t let it hurt you. Or the baby.” She lets out a shaky breath with the mention of the baby.

“Don’t bring it up.” She mumbles, and he pretends not to hear. She doesn’t want him to talk about it if he’s not going to be involved. It’ll somehow only hurt more in the end.

The rain continues to pound against the hut and Clarke only presses herself closer. With every rush of wind Bellamy whispers soothing words to her. He starts talking about anything and everything, trying to keep her mind off of the storm raging outside. Eventually, he starts talking about mythology and the stars and everything that comes with that and Clarke rolls her eyes sleepily. “You’re going to bore me to sleep, Bellamy.”

He snorts. “I am not boring.”

“Yeah, you are.”

Bellamy scoffs in fake annoyance and presses a kiss to her temple before she rolls and faces the rest of the room. His arms pull her flush against him and his body molds to hers. She feels his hand move towards her stomach, where the baby is. And when she tries to pull away, to prevent this type of contact, to prevent her from getting her hopes up, he only pulls her closer. Bellamy presses his face into her neck and lets out a sigh. “God,” he mumbles, “where would I be without you?”

Clarke laughs tiredly, “I dunno, Bell.” He wouldn’t have a pregnant Clarke, that’s for sure.

“For real,” he grumbles, “you’re just everything. Fuck, I don’t, God.” Clarke frowns as his thumb rubs circles on her abdomen. “Wouldn’t be here without you. Literally, would be dead.” There’s a big clap of thunder outside, but Clarke can barely hear it over the magnitude of what Bellamy is saying. “I don’t even know. You’re—god. You’re the best.” He presses a sleepy kiss to her cheek. “Try to get some sleep, Clarke. You too, baby.” He pats her stomach lightly, and he drifts off quickly after. Clarke, however, Clarke does not sleep. She can only think about his words and actions tonight. Her brain doesn’t shut off for hours, and she knows that she tosses and turns all night. But he doesn’t wake up to her movement, and instead just stays asleep. She finally huffs and turns to face him, frowning as his arm unconsciously tries to pull her closer to him.

He’s confusing her. One second he’s angry at her for being pregnant, and the next he’s telling the baby to get some sleep. She just doesn’t get it. She’s gotten better at reading him over the last few months, but this just doesn’t add up. Clarke peers at his sleeping form and frowns again. He looks young again when he sleeps, like he doesn’t have the weight of the world on his shoulders. He doesn’t anymore; the time for problems as big as that have passed. The only problem now is this one.

She sighs and starts to count the freckles on his face. They’re like constellations, and the freckles are the stars. She’d count the stars sometimes when she had trouble sleeping before Madi came along, and they often reminded her of Bellamy. That’s what she told Madi about. About the man with the freckles like constellations scattered over his body.

Her eyes well with tears when she thinks about Madi and Bellamy. Bellamy treats her so well, like it’s as if he’s known her as long as Clarke has. She didn’t ask him to do that, he just did it. He knew that Madi was someone important to Clarke and made Madi someone important to him. He’s just so good to her, and Clarke knows that he’d be good to the baby. He’d be an extraordinary father, even if he doesn’t think so. She just doesn’t know how to tell him that.

When they wake the next morning, it’s still raining. It’s not as bad as it was a few hours ago, but it’s definitely still raining. Clarke is, if possible, even closer to Bellamy than she was when she finally fell asleep. His face is buried in her hair and his arms keep her tight to him. He mumbles something incoherent in his sleep and she curls into the blankets more. For a moment, she forgets what’s happened and thinks that it’s just a normal morning for the two of them. That is, until the urge to vomit comes out of nowhere. Clarke pushes herself up and out of the bed and races towards the toilet in the other room.

She throws up most of the food in her stomach and then sits by the bucket in case it happens again. Bellamy trots into the room, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes to wake himself up. His hair is everywhere and he looks utterly confused. “You okay?” He asks, his voice still thick with sleep.

“Morning sickness. Sorry if I woke you.” He shakes his head as she goes to throw up again. Bellamy pulls her hair back so it doesn’t get puke in it. A few minutes later when she thinks she’s done, she stands up shakily.

“How long is it supposed to last?” He hands her a towel and water to rinse out her mouth.

“Few more weeks,” Clarke sighs and goes back to the bedroom to sit back down. He follows and sits down gingerly next to her. Another gust of wind shakes the cabin. “How long is this supposed to last?” She groans and falls backwards onto the blankets and pillows.

Bellamy shrugs. “What, are you that eager to get away from me?” She makes a face and he smirks. “I don’t know. At least a few more hours.”

Clarke groans. “It’s the middle of fall and we’re still getting this awful rain. I’m going back to sleep.” She reaches for the blankets and he helps her pull them around her.

He pauses for a second. “I’m all in. With the baby. Just so you know.” His eyes search hers and finally, finally, a smile breaks onto her face.

“Really?” He nods. “Thank you.”

Bellamy smiles back. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He leans down to kiss her, and she lets him.

“What changed your mind?” Clarke forces out between their lips. Bellamy gently kisses her once more before pulling up.

He sits up on his bed and leans against the wall as the rain batters the outside wall. “I don’t,” Clarke watches him take a breath and run his fingers through his hair. “I don’t want any kid to grow up without their dad. Or either parent. I never knew my dad,” Bellamy tells her, and Clarke sits up so she’s sitting beside him. “And I don’t want the baby to feel that way. I don’t want it to be like Madi and not really know it’s parents. Madi turned out fine, you did a good job keeping her alive and happy, but I don’t want our baby to always wonder who I am and why I didn’t stay.”

“Bellamy,” Clarke says softly before crawling onto his lap so she can face him. He slides his hands down her waist and rests them on her hips. His eyes don’t leave her stomach.

“We thought we lost you. For six years, you were dead. And I,” he lets out a shaky laugh, “I made some horrible choices up there. Because I didn’t know what to do. And now you’re here, and you’re alive, and you’re everything, Clarke. I can’t lose you. Not again.” Tears fill her eyes but he carries on. “And we’re having a baby. It feels like a second chance. A way to show that there’s still some good in the world. You got to do it with Madi. And I get to do it with you. Get to have a baby and raise the baby and just…” his eyes finally jerk back up to hers and she plays with the hair on the nape of his neck. “And just be. Be with you, and be happy again. Because you’re pregnant and it’s ours and we’re doing this. Okay?”

Clarke sniffles and bobs her head rapidly. “Yes. Okay. Let’s do it.” He lets out a watery laugh and finally lets himself touch her stomach. “You’re not going to feel anything yet, Bell. Only been a few weeks.”

“I know,” he murmurs, pressing his hand down again, “I was there when my mom was pregnant with Octavia. It’s just the principle of it. That it’s ours and that it’s there.” Clarke smiles again and rests her cheek against his shoulder. He holds her close as the rain patters the ground outside and the thunder and lightning strikes against the sky.

Clarke sits restlessly on the examination table waiting for her mother. Abby wanted to do a routine check on her body and the baby, and now she’s just waiting. Bellamy isn’t here. He knew about the appointment and he still isn’t here, and Clarke worries that he changed his mind and doesn’t want to be a part of this. Her heart twists uncomfortably at the thought and she wrings her hands together tightly as the door opens.

Bellamy pokes his head in before slipping in quietly. “Sorry. Had to shake Murphy off before I could head over.” Clarke nods and he crosses the room and plants a kiss on her head. They decided against telling their friends until after Madi knew. Raven knows, because it’s Raven but that’s it.

“It’s okay,” she bites her lip nervously and he frowns. “I’m okay. I thought you weren’t going to come.”

Bellamy shakes his head and wraps his arms tightly around her. “Of course I was going to come. I’m in this for the long haul, Clarke. I told you that.”

“I know, I just…” She lets out a sigh. “I got scared.”

“Not going anywhere.” He mumbles into her hair and only lets go of her when the door opens quietly. Abby walks in and grins before crossing and giving Bellamy one of the biggest hugs she’s ever given him.

“Congratulations.” He smiles back and she pats his cheek before looking over at Clarke. She and her mother have already had their tearful exchange. Abby was thrilled to learn that Clarke was going to keep it. Worried, but happy. “Alright, you ready?”

Clarke nods and watches as her mother gets the tools figured out. “As I’ll ever be.” They were able to take most of what was in the bunker out, especially the medical supplies. The people who built it were prepared for anything, including the possibility of childbirth.

After a few minutes of a moving around and shuffling, Abby puts a cold gel on Clarke’s stomach and she hisses. “Nothing bad, just so that we can see the baby and figure out how far along you are.” Clarke looks at Bellamy and he nods, urging her forward. Her fingers grip his tightly and he squeezes gently. The gel is a weird sensation to her. After a few more minutes of Abby running the wand over Clarke’s stomach, she stops and smiles. “Well, there you have it.” She turns the screen and for a moment everything freezes and she peers at the screen.

“I don’t see anything.” Bellamy grumbles, squinting and Abby laughs.

“It’s okay. It’s hard to see.” She points to something on the screen. “That looks to be the head, and from there is the torso, then the arms, and everything else.” Bellamy looks like he’s going to cry, but she knows that he won’t. Abby turns the screen back to her and examines it closely for a little longer and then smiles. “It looks like you’re around eight weeks along. Congratulations.” Clarke smiles but her mind zooms back to how long it’s been since she and Bellamy got together. She thinks it’s been almost eight weeks, which lets her know that she got pregnant one of the first times they had sex. She can tell he’s thinking the same thing, but the only thing he can do is smile at her. “I would expect that you’ll be due late April. April 25^th.” Clarke nods again and Abby helps clean her up. “I’ll be right back. I need to run some samples on the blood I took but I’ll be right back.” Abby gives Clarke a tight hug and a tight smile before she disappears into the testing room.

Bellamy looks at Clarke and she smacks him, but she’s smiling. “You got me pregnant the first time we had sex, Bellamy.”

He grins sheepishly and takes her hand. “Listen, I think we were both a little too preoccupied to think about any form of protection. We also had sex multiple times that night. It may have not been the first time.”

She rolls her eyes and looks at their hands. “If you changed your mind, you can still go. I would understand.”

He looks at her and frowns, unamused by her words. “Clarke,” he looks down at her stomach and then back up to her face. “After seeing that, I’m not going anywhere. Not today, not in nine months, not in eighteen years. You can count on me, you know.”

She goes to say something else, to tell him thank you, but Abby comes back into the room, and she looks unhappy. “What? What’s wrong?” Abby doesn’t say anything, but instead sits in the other chair next to Clarke and Bellamy. “Mom.” Clarke’s voice takes on a panicked pitch, and Bellamy looks at Abby expectantly.

“We ran some tests on your blood, Clarke.” The blonde nods, and Abby continues. “We don’t know how being a nightblood will affect the baby, or the birth. We don’t know if the trait gets passed down to the baby or if it’ll affect the growth of the child. We don’t think so,” she quickly adds when Clarke’s face falls, “but we’re going to talk to some of the grounder healers to see what they know about the process. We assume that it might mean that your chances of bleeding more go up, which means we’ll have to be ready for anything. The chances of it all going wrong are so slim, Clarke. It’s not the end of the world.”

Bellamy’s grip on her hand is almost painful when he says, “but that’s not everything. There’s more, isn’t there?”

Abby sighs and nods. “You have been exposed to copious amounts of radiation, especially when the first blast hit seven years ago. We don’t know how that’ll affect the child’s growth. We’ll continue to watch it carefully, but we don’t know. Again, we’ll talk to the grounders and see what they know.”

“I don’t care,” Clarke huffs out, putting her hand on her stomach protectively, “I’m still going to love it no matter what it’s like.”

“I know,” Abby soothes, looking at her daughter. “I just wanted to give you a warning, just in case.” Clarke starts to tear up, and Bellamy goes to move, but Abby’s quicker. Clarke latches onto her mother and cries silently for a minute and then shakes her head. “I know that you’re both still going to love the child no matter what. I wanted to let you both know just in case something does go wrong and there’s some sort of shock. Honey, it’s okay. We’re going to do all that we can.” Clarke sniffles as her mother pulls away. “The healers are outside, looking over your samples. I can have them come talk to you when they know.” Clarke nods and attaches herself to Bellamy, who’s been very quiet this whole time. “I’ll be back.”

“I’m still here. Not going anywere,” he breathes and she nods. “Are you scared?”

Clarke shrugs into his shoulder. “Yes. But I’m still going to love the baby no matter what happens.”

“Abby talked about the birth. That you may bleed more. What if something…”

“She said it was a small chance. Still a chance, but small chance.” He’s closing up again, and she knows it. He does this far too often for her to feel okay. “Bellamy, I’m going to be fine. Okay? I’m going to be fine, and the baby’s going to be fine. Take a breath, please.” He lets out a deep sigh and starts to pace.

The healers come in within five minutes and he stops, looking towards them expectedly. “The nightblood will probably be passed down to the child. It’s a fifty-fifty shot,” the man starts, eyes staring into Clarke. “We won’t really know until the child is born. It will not affect the development, but the chances of bleeding an abnormal amount at birth do increase. Nothing to be worried about, our people have been handling this for years.” Clarke nods and takes Bellamy’s hand again to prevent him from pacing rapidly. “There is a chance that there will be deformities in the child. We think that the nightblood will cancel out the chance of deformities, but we also still do not know. We think that you should make more trips to Medical, so Abby can examine the child.”

“Okay.” This has calmed her. She’s not completely calm, she’s a little horrified at herself for letting this happen, but Abby said that the development looked normal so far, and that’s what’s keeping her going. “Thank you.” He nods and leaves the room before she turns to Bellamy. His hands are shaking. “Bellamy,” she says quietly, trying to pull him from his trance. He gets like this sometimes. They all do, honestly. “It’s okay. I’m okay. Baby’s okay.”

“What if he’s not?”

“Then we’ll still love him or her with everything that we have.”

He nods tightly and tries to pace again but she doesn’t let him. “I need to know that you know it’s going to be okay. I’ll come every few weeks to get checked out and I’ll talk to my mom and the healers about preparing for birth and what comes after. I’m going to be okay. Tell me that you know that.”

“I know that. I just don’t like hearing that you’ll have some trouble.”

“When have I not had trouble?” She raises a brow and gives him a smile. “Besides, you’ll keep me alive.” He nods again and she points to the screen that’s been frozen on the baby. “But hey, for now, just look at that screen. That’s ours, Bell. We did that.”

“On complete accident, but…” he grins at her finally and she gives him one back. “Yeah. Ours.”

They tell Madi two weeks later. She’s been having a particularly bad week because of what she’s being tested over, and Bellamy told her she couldn’t go out of the gates for the week because of the cold weather getting closer and closer to them. “I lived on my own when I was six,” she had huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, but Bellamy just laughed and ruffled her hair. “Doesn’t mean you can wander wherever and whenever you want.” He had replied, and she was still being grouchy.

“Do you think she’s going to be okay with it?” Clarke asks anxiously, wringing her fingers together. “It’s just been the two of us for a while. Adding a couple more people could cause problems.”

“Clarke,” Bellamy groans, grabbing her chin and making her look at him. “I don’t know how she’s going to react. But I know that she loves you, and she tolerates me enough that I hope she’ll be okay with it. And love it like we will.”

“She does not just tolerate you, Bellamy. She loves you.” She sighs and jerks her head out of his grasp as Madi approaches.

“This has been the worst week of my entire life,” she huffs, standing in front of the two adults. “Not counting that one week where Clarke made me move boulders for a week.” She glares at Clarke but cracks when the older of the two gives her a grin. Finally, she caves and gives Clarke a hug.

“Well, you’ll be pleased to know that today we are going out of the gate.”

Her eyes light up and she smiles one of the brightest smiles Clarke thinks she’s ever seen come from the girl. “Really?” She bounces up and down on her toes.

“Really.” Bellamy replies, laughing at her enthusiasm.

Her eyes narrow and she looks between the two of them. “What do you want? You never let me go out of the gate unless you want something!”

“Madi,” Clarke scolds but bites her lip to keep from laughing.

“We just want to take you out of the gate,” Bellamy says easily, raising a brow. “Unless you don’t want to go.”

“No!” Her excitement about going outside wins over her curiosity of what they want. She can’t contain it. “I want to go. Let’s go!” She pushes against Bellamy and moves him towards the gate. “Let’s go! Let’s go! Come on old man I’m not getting any younger!”

Bellamy puts a hand to his chest as if he’s been wounded. “Old? Is that really what you think of me, Madi? Do you think I’m old?”

“If you keep moving this slow you will be old! Bellamy, please!” She pleads and finally he grins.

“Let me grab my pack. Clarke do you need a gun?” She shakes her head as he walks to the guard tower to grab his stuff.

“Do you really think he’s old?” She asks Madi and she collapses into giggles.

“Yes. Everyone is old.” Clarke rolls her eyes as Bellamy reappears and then motions to the gate.

“Lead the way, Madi.”

Bellamy and Clarke follow Madi closely behind as she scurries through the forest. She’s back in her element and it’s clear. She grew up in the forest, and that’s where she needs to be. They don’t really know where they’re going. They’re just letting her run around and get her energy out before they stop to take a break and eat something. She leans into Clarke’s side, her cheeks rosy from running around and her eyes bright. Bellamy hands her some bread and she quickly eats that. Bellamy raises a brow at Clarke and she nods a little before looking down at Madi again.

“Madi?” The girl in question looks up and Clarke continues. “Can we talk to you about something?” Her dark brows furrow and she nods before sitting up. “We just wanted to ask how you’d feel about something. It’s a pretty big thing and we wanted to hear from you.”

Madi nods and looks down at her hands before looking back up. “Okay.”

Clarke looks back at Bellamy and he nods, giving her an encouraging smile. “We wanted to tell you that I’m having a baby. And we wanted to make sure that was okay.” Clarke prays to a god that she doesn’t even know that exists for a good answer.

The ten-year-old looks back at her hands and blinks quickly. “Does that mean you’re going to forget me?”

Clarke feels her heart start to break and quickly recovers. “Oh, Madi, no. How could I forget about you?”

There are tears in her brown eyes when she looks up at Clarke. “Babies are a lot of work. I learned it in school. And now you’re having one and you’re going to forget about me.”

The blonde pulls Madi into a tight hug and looks at Bellamy helplessly. “I could never forget about you, Madi. Never ever. I promise. And yeah, babies are a lot of work. But you have been, and always will be, my top priority. When the baby finally comes, it will take up some of my time. But not all of it.”

She looks up at Clarke as Bellamy moves to sit on the other side of Madi. “You can’t forget about me.” She pleads, and Clarke knows that she’s thinking of the day that Clarke found her, when she was alone without her family.

“Never.” Clarke reassures her, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “Wouldn’t even dream about it.” Madi sniffles and then looks at Bellamy.

“Does this mean you’re the baby’s dad?”

He nods and looks at her intently. “That’s exactly what it means, Madi.” She looks back at Clarke and he takes a deep breath. “Do you know what else it means? Madi shakes her head. “Means you’re a big sister.”

“Really?” Bellamy nods and she looks back at Clarke, this time smiling a little more. “I’m a big sister?”

Clarke lets out a teary laugh and nods. “You are. And the baby is gonna love you so much.”

Madi hesitantly reaches out her hands and puts them on Clarke’s belly. Only showing a little bit. “Is the baby here?” Clarke nods. “When will it start moving? How big is it? How did it get there? When is it coming? Is it a boy or a girl?” Bellamy laughs as she attacks Clarke with questions that she answers diligently, tactfully ignoring the question about how it got there. There will be a time for that, but it is not now.

“Are you okay with it?” Clarke asks later, as they’re walking back to their settlement. Both Clarke and Madi are tired, Clarke from the baby, and Madi from her running around and the excitement.

Madi nods. “I think so. As long as you don’t forget me and you name the baby after me.” Bellamy’s laugh booms from behind them and Madi smiles. “No, we can think of a better name. I’m sure of it.” They’re walking into the gate when she has another idea. “Also that I can hold it! I’m gonna be the best big sister ever, Clarke, I’m gonna be awesome.” 

Their friends find out the next week. They’re at the fire again, like they always are on Friday nights. Clarke is sipping some water that she got from the bin and Bellamy once again has some of Monty’s moonshine. He’s going slower this time, and she’s grateful. When he’s drunk he gets heavy and harder to get back to his cabin. It’s cold now, and it’s going to start snowing any day now. Clarke can see her breath and she’s thankful that she and Bellamy are sitting close to the fire.

They’re in the exact same spot they were in when this all started. Things are obviously different, but neither of them seem to have a care in the world. His arm is wrapped tightly around her back, resting on her hip. Clarke’s head is on his shoulder and he hums a tune that Clarke doesn’t recognize, but she doesn’t mind.

“You two are disgusting,” Octavia says as she sits down on the log across from them.

Bellamy sticks his tongue out at her and Clarke has to bite her lip to keep from laughing. “I think that you’re just disgusting in general.” Bellamy says back and both girls laugh. Clarke is thankful that they’ve worked past their differences. It took a while, even after being separated for six years. They did a lot of talking and yelling, but it all worked out. They’re still working on it every day, and it gets better every day.

The three of them sit and watch for a moment, before Octavia turns to Clarke. Clarke raises a brow, but Octavia shakes her head and turns back to the fire and their friends. Bellamy shrugs and goes to sip his drink.

Monty starts yelling about a drinking game Bellamy hangs back for a moment before Clarke tells him to go. “I’ll be fine. Go.” He grins, kissing her before joining their friends.

Octavia’s the one to raise a brow this time. “You love drinking games.”

Clarke shrugs. “Not feeling it tonight.”

Octavia’s brow goes even higher, if possible. “You’re never not feeling it. Are you even drinking?”

The blonde shakes her head. “No. Just have water tonight. I haven’t been feeling well and don’t want to make it worse.”

Clarke watches Octavia’s eyes narrow, almost seeing the gears turning in her head. She moves so she’s sitting where Bellamy sat seconds before and tips her head to the side. “What’s going on?” Clarke feels her cheeks heat up and she tries to find the words to speak, to prevent this from happening. She and Bellamy haven’t exactly talked about telling people yet. The only people who know as of right now are Madi, Abby and Raven. She assumed that he wanted to be the one to tell Octavia, and to be honest she figured that she already knew. “If you don’t tell me I’m going to start making guesses, very loud guesses, and I can promise you they aren’t good!” Octavia teases and Clarke laughs, taking a long drink of her water to pass the time. Octavia gets impatient and takes the cup from her, laughing when Clarke spills it down her front. “Okay, come on. Tell me!”

Clarke looks over to where Bellamy is standing with the rest of her friends and he glances over and gives her a wink and a smile. “Does this have something to do with Bellamy?” She looks over at him and can’t seem to find the words. “It does! What is it? We all know that you’ve been sleeping together and we’re pretty sure that you’re actually together now but—“

“O,” Clarke laughs, shaking her head. “I think we’re together. I’m not really sure.” Octavia rolls her eyes. “But I don’t think that’s what you want.” Octavia shakes her head, smiling triumphantly. Clarke takes another breath before frowning. “I don’t know if it’s my place to tell you,” she admits. “I don’t know if Bellamy wanted to tell you…”

“Tell me what?” Clarke bites her lip, trying to keep her smile from forming. “What could be possibly so important that Bellamy should be the one to tell…”

The gears click and Octavia looks at Clarke, before looking at the cup of water, then back to Bellamy. For a moment, Clarke thinks that she’s going to start yelling. She starts to inch away and then—

“Yes!” Octavia tackles her into a hug and Clarke nervously laughs, the water spilling out of her cup. Their friends look over momentarily, but go back to their game. “I knew it!”

“You knew it and you still made me almost say it?”

Octavia laughs again and looks at Clarke, a bright smile etched across her face. “I had an idea. Madi had mentioned to me that you had been throwing up.” Clarke rolls her eyes.

“Girl doesn’t know how to keep her mouth shut.”

“And then when you said you weren’t drinking, it all kind of fit.” Octavia says, her words coming out so quickly Clarke can barely hear them. “When are you due?”

“They think April. Near the end of it, around that time.”

Octavia nods and then looks back at Bellamy’s. “It is Bellamy’s, right? Just have to make sure.”

Clarke snorts. “He’s the only one I’ve been with since I’ve been back on the ground, Octavia.” She watches as the brunette wrinkles her nose. “What! You wanted to know so I told you!”

Octavia finally smiles and gives Clarke a tight hug. “Congratulations. Honestly. Who else knows?”

“Right now, you, Raven, my mom, and Madi. And Bellamy.” Clarke adds quickly and Octavia nods. “Don’t say anything to everyone yet. I don’t even know if I was supposed to tell you.”

Octavia rolls his eyes. “Bell will be too happy to even care who told me. Am I allowed to talk to him?”

Clarke watches as Octavia marches over to Bellamy and pulls him away, ignoring the protests from both him and their friends. Clarke ends up standing by Harper, Echo, and Raven as they continue playing. “Are you in?” Harper asks, and she shakes her head.

“Not tonight.” Harper raises a brow and Raven gives her a look as if to say, ‘could you be any more obvious’? Clarke makes a face. She watches Bellamy and Octavia out of the corner of her eye and sees a smile grow on his face before she’s throwing her arms around him in a hug. Clarke feels stress leave her body, and even more so when Bellamy and Octavia both come back, the older of the two immediately gluing himself to her side. Bellamy’s hand rests gently at her hip. He presses his lips to the top of her head and she can almost feel several sets of eyes rolling.

“Can you two get a room?” Murphy finally says.

“We have one.” Bellamy replies, planting a long kiss on Clarke’s lips. She can almost taste the alcohol and pulls away, patting his cheek lovingly.

“You two are gross!” Harper groans.

“You sound like Madi,” Clarke laughs, taking a sip of her water.

Murphy grabs her cup and takes a sniff. “Are you drinking water, Clarke?”  He drones drunkenly, and Clarke almost laughs. Emori manages to get him back to his side of the table as Clarke nods.

“I just didn’t want to drink tonight.” Clarke feels Bellamy’s fingers tighten on her side and Octavia’s eyes brighten, and she grins wickedly.

“You never don’t want to drink,” Miller points out, taking a sip of his own.

Clarke starts to panic slightly. “I just don’t want to tonight.”

Monty and Murphy both roll their eyes. “The last time you didn’t want to drink was literally seven years ago. You deserve a drink.”

She laughs nervously as Monty pushes a drink in her direction. Clarke manages to look up at Bellamy, expecting a tense jaw, but instead he’s grinning. He gives her a tiny nod and a smile. “I can’t drink.” Clarke says carefully, pushing it back towards Monty. “Not for nine months.”

Emori and Harper are the first two to figure it out. And then there’s shrieking and crying and people reaching out to hug her and clap Bellamy hard on the shoulder. Murphy actually smiles, and then gives Bellamy one of those man-hugs that they do when they have to hug each other. Echo looks a little shocked at first, but then gives her a hug, expressing her congratulations. By the end of it all, Clarke is crying because Monty cried into her shoulder for three minutes and only stepped away when Miller pulled him away.

Bellamy is drunk. Very drunk. Miller and Murphy kept feeding him moonshine as their congratulations. Monty finally made them stop, and forces some water down Bellamy’s throat. “I think it is time if we left. If he drinks anymore he might turn into alcohol.” Monty snickers and nods. It takes a little longer for them to get out, as everyone wants to shout their congratulations one last time.

Clarke has an arm slung around his back and his is on her shoulder as she leads him back to his cabin. He’s humming the same tune he was humming early and while his smile is drunk, it’s also bright. Clarke has a very warm feeling in her chest. A feeling of pride and love, something she didn’t feel much when it was just her on the ground. Not until Madi, at least.

Bellamy stumbles a bit and Clarke stops as he adjusts himself. “You’re so drunk, Bell.”

He scoffs. “Are you… judging me, Clarke?”

She adjusts her hold on him to open the door to his cabin. They slowly walk into the room and she shuts the door, locking it from behind. “Not at all. I just think it’s kind of funny.” Her voice gets muffled at the end as Bellamy plants his lips back on hers, breathing her in. His fingers try to pull her closer and she lets him for a moment, taking in his scent, before pulling away gently. “You’re drunk.”

“I am not drunk enough to think that this isn’t a good idea. Because it is.” Clarke laughs again when he kisses her, his fingers edging her jacket off. A laugh bubbles out of her and he stops in spite of himself.

“C’mon. Go get changed.” Bellamy groans as she pushes his chest a bit, and tries his best to get a hold on her, but she’s too quick. “Nope. Get changed.”

He smiles lopsidedly, and Clarke feels her stomach flop. Even incredibly drunk, he’s still incredibly attractive and she’s incredibly attracted to him. “Little minx.”

She throws a pair of clean clothes at him to change into and watches as he stumbles into the bathroom, still humming and smiling. She bites her lip to keep from smiling and changes into the shirt she wears when she stays over.

Her heart is happy. Her friends are happy, Bellamy is happy, and Octavia was thrilled to find out about getting a niece or nephew. She finds herself smiling as she pulls down the blankets and furs on the bed. The door opens behind her and she hears a low whistle.

“What?”

Bellamy lumbers towards her, putting his hands on her hips and scrunching up the fabric there. “I like seeing you in this.”

Clarke blushes and her heart beats faster. “I like wearing it.”

He leans down to kiss her again and she laughs in between their lips. He tries to pick her up, but miserably fails and they both end up laying halfway on the bed and halfway on the floor in hysterics.

Bellamy’s curls shake and she helps him get into bed for real this time, but he isn’t having it, instead rolling so he’s above her. She runs his hands on his cheeks and his eyes close momentarily before his lips are back on hers hungrily.

“You’re the best, Clarke.” His fingers work on her shirt, pushing it upwards. “Like, baby, you have no idea.”

Her breath hitches when he moves to press kisses up her stomach. “Yeah?” She’s almost angry that her voice comes out in a squeak, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

“Mhm. The absolute best. You, I don’t know, you just, you’re the…fuck.”

“Are you always this eloquent when you’re drunk, Bellamy Blake?” She pushes out when he manages to get her shirt over her head.

“I’m not good at words,” he grumbles, suckling in the valley between her breasts.

Clarke lets out a whine when he pulls back up to her lips. “I like hearing you talk.”

Bellamy gives her another sloppy kiss before she moves so she’s straddling him. His eyes linger on her breasts, which he exposed and did nothing about. He tries to pull her down so she’s pressed against his chest, but she shakes her head and he groans. “Baby, c’mon. You know you want to.” He waggles his brows and she laughs again, bending down to kiss him lightly.

“You’re so drunk. You never call me baby when you’re sober.”

He frowns. “I will have to change that.”

Clarke rolls her eyes. “You don’t have to.” She hovers a few inches from her face, her body pressed to his, but suddenly he’s more concerned with the fact that he doesn’t call her baby when he’s sober. She wants to be upset, that she’s literally on a silver platter on top of him, but he looks so sad. “Bellamy.”

“I’m gonna change it, okay Clarke?” Clarke nods slowly and he grins. “Yes. I’m going to. I haven’t gotten to call anyone baby in a while. And we have a baby coming! It’s perfect!”

Clarke rolls her eyes. “If you say so.” He grins again as Clarke crawls off of him to slip on her shirt again. He protests immediately, reaching out to her. “I’m just getting you some water. You’re going to have a massive hangover.”

He pouts for a moment but lets her go, and then chugs the water. “Can we sleep now?” Clarke nods and then smiles to herself. Everything from the last ten minutes was forgotten, all over the word baby. Clarke gets into bed and pulls the blankets tight around her, looking up at him from her cocoon. “Mm you’re the best.” He nuzzles into her neck and she laughs before pulling back and looking at him.

“You’re so drunk.”

He finally nods and laughs. “I am. But I still know that you’re the best. No amount of drunkness could make me think otherwise.” Clarke sticks her tongue out at him and rests her head on his chest while he pulls her towards him. His hand brushes her stomach and he grins wildly. “Goodnight, baby. Lov—“ He stops himself abruptly, but Clarke is already starting to drift. “Goodnight, Clarke.”

“Night, Bell.” She whispers.

As suspected, Bellamy has a massive hangover the next day.

The snow builds up outside quicker than anyone thought it would. They’ve been preparing for winter, sure, but with more people to feed it gets harder to keep the rations up. They have enough to get by, but they all wish that they had been more prepared. Clarke pulls her jacket tighter around her and tells Madi to do the same.

“We aren’t even walking that far,” she complains and Clarke shakes her head.

“I know. But this snow is nothing like the snow you and I dealt with all of those years. There’s more of it, and it’s colder. I don’t want your toes to freeze off.” Madi huffs and Clarke gives her a look. “C’mon, Madi. Put on your jacket.”

She finally does as she’s told, seemingly annoyed with Clarke. But when they step out into the cold, Madi presses herself closer to Clarke and the older of the two smirks.

The trek to Bellamy’s takes longer than normal and by the time they arrive, Madi is shivering and more than happy to sit right by the fire. Bellamy laughs as he takes their jackets. “Someone cold?”

Madi crosses her arms. “Clarke was right. It is cold.” Clarke laughs and Bellamy bends down to press a quick kiss to her lips.

“Clarke usually is right,” he muses, winking at her. Madi huffs again as Clarke goes to sit down next to her. She takes off her boots to let her feet warm up and Madi hides in her side.

“I hate it when you’re right.” Bellamy laughs from behind them and gives Madi one of the blankets from his bed. She wraps it around herself and scoots closer to the fire.

“How are you feeling?” Bellamy asks Clarke from the other room.

Madi makes a face and Clarke smiles. “Better. The kicking throws me off sometimes but it’s getting better.” Madi puts a hand on Clarke’s protruding stomach as if expecting there to be movement.

“Anything today?”

“Not really,” Clarke replies honestly, “I think she’s tired.”

Bellamy pops his head out. “Oh, so you think we’re having a girl?”

Her cheeks burst pink. “No, I don’t know. I don’t want to just keep calling it ‘it’, Bellamy.” He grins and walks over to them. “Why, do you want a girl?”

“I’ll take whatever we have. Love them just the same.”

“You two are gross,” Madi groans and the two adults can only smile.

Later, when the sun has gone down and the settlement has quieted down, Madi falls asleep on the floor of Bellamy’s cabin. Clarke is even getting sleepy, dozing on Bellamy’s shoulder on the couch. He shifts under her and she whines when he stands up to pull on his jacket. “What’re you doing?”

“Taking you two back to your cabin? Put on your jacket and I’ll get Madi’s on.”

Clarke shakes her head and falls so she’s laying on the couch. “We’ll just stay here. It’s warmer here anyways.” Clarke feels her cheeks twinge pink when he looks at her with a sad smile.

“I only have one bed, baby.” Clarke curls into the couch more and frowns.

“I’ll just stay on the couch and you and Madi take the bed. I’m comfy.”

“Clarke,” he mutters, “you’re not sleeping on my couch. I’ll sleep on the couch and you two take in the bed.”

Clarke groans. “But I wanted to lay with you.”

He stares at her for a moment and then sighs. “We’ll figure it out.”

She rolls onto her back and frowns. “Can we at least move the couch into the other room? So we’re all together.”

He nods and gently nudges her before helping her up. She latches onto him sleepily and he smiles before pressing his lips to her head. “Stay out here with Madi and I’ll move it, okay?”

A couple minutes later Bellamy comes back and nods, scooping Madi up into his arms. “I got her.” He says quietly when she tries to help, and then Clarke follows as he deposits her onto the couch. Madi curls into the blankets and pillows that he’s set up. “I’m too tall for the couch,” he tells her, “or she’d be here with you.”

Clarke sits on his bed and leans against him tiredly. “Thank you. I just don’t like the idea of any of us being alone. Especially her. She was alone for so long, Bell.”

“I know,” he whispers, kicking off his boots and quickly changing into what he wears to bed. “I felt the same way with Octavia when we first came down. Didn’t want her to be alone. Here,” he throws her the t shirt she wears and she changes before laying down.

He finally gets into bed, after making sure the door was locked and the fire was contained. He checks on Madi one more time and then snuggles close to Clarke. She’s cold. It’s snowing outside and it only gets colder in the night. The fire’s warmth doesn’t quite reach the bedroom, but she doesn’t mind, and instead curls closer to him. “You cold?”

She nods and he pulls the blankets tighter around her and gives her a quick peck on the lips. “Get some sleep. I’ll make sure you stay warm.” He then frowns and pulls the blankets back quickly before dipping down to kiss Clarke’s stomach. “I’ll keep the baby warm too.”

“Bell, he’s in the warmest place in the entire world right now.”

He shrugs and smiles widely before pulling her close.

She wakes the next morning with someone crawling over her. She groans and tries to go back to sleep but the crawling persists. Clarke pulls the blankets tighter around her but something is pulling back.

“The hell is going on?” Bellamy grunts from next to her, and then a childish giggle bursts out from between them. “Madi? What are you doing?”

“I am cold. And this is warm.” Clarke groans again as she feels a rush of cold air. Bellamy has scooted over to give Madi space to lay in between them, taking Bellamy’s warmth away from her. “You’re grumpy. Bellamy did you know that Clarke is grumpy in the morning?”

She feels him fall back onto the bed. “Oh, I’m aware of it, Madi.”

Clarke grumbles again before finally rolling to face the two. Her heart nearly stops with the sight in front of her. She squints to see Madi smiling down at her and Bellamy smiling at Madi. Bellamy has a wild case of bedhead, and Madi’s is just as tangled, but they both look genuinely happy to be there. Madi’s grin is the size of the earth and Bellamy watches them fondly. Clarke quickly runs her fingers through both Madi’s and then Bellamy’s bedhead and their smiles only grow.

“Y’know,” she murmurs sleepily after resting her head back on the pillow, “you’re both cute, but I would really appreciate going back to bed.” Bellamy chuckles and nods, and Madi finally lays back down, curling to face Clarke. She tucks her head under Clarke’s chin and Clarke makes eye contact with Bellamy, and there’s a strange look in his eyes. A happy one, but not one she’s seen. She raises a brow at him, but he only shakes his head before leaning over to kiss her head, and then Madi’s. He smiles again and eventually, they all drift back off to sleep.

Four times a year, a group goes out to scout the area and see if there are any signs of life besides the patch of green they’ve chosen as theirs. They look for any other sign of green at all, because they know that there aren’t any other humans alive besides them. This time, Bellamy has the pleasure of going, and Clarke does not want him to.

Clarke tightens his jacket again around him as the group prepares to leave. “It’s still chilly.” She says quietly, and he laughs. She’s nervous. He hasn’t had to leave since the second time, before all of this happened. Clarke doesn’t particularly like the idea of him out in the wilderness without much contact with them. Especially during the harsh January weather, where literally anything can happen.

“Clarke,” Bellamy says soothingly, “it’s gonna be fine. We have the rover, and we have the radios. If something happens, which it won’t, you will know. It’s only a week.”

“A week for things to go wrong,” she grumbles, and the baby kicks again. “Even the baby doesn’t want you to leave!” She’s around six months pregnant, and becoming increasingly larger as the weeks go by.

“You are making this harder than it already is,” he sighs, running his fingers on her hips.

“What if something happens here? What if I go into labor early and then—“

“Clarke,”

“—you’re not here and something happens to you and then something happens to me, then what happens to the baby? And Madi?”

Bellamy makes a face. “Don’t talk like that, okay? Nothing is going to happen. You’ve gotta trust me.”

The blonde finally nods and he grabs her into a hug. Her fingers latch around him and he sighs before pulling away. Bellamy’s hands rest on her stomach as the baby kicks again and he smiles before giving Clarke a kiss. “I’ll see you in a week.” He hops into the rover, followed by Miller and Echo, two others on the small list of people on this scouting rotation. She almost wishes that she was on it too, but she knows that Bellamy would have had a cow if she even suggested it.

When the scouting group doesn’t return the next Sunday, Clarke tells herself not to panic. They’ve been late before, and it’s usually just because of the weather or the Rover had to charge up. But, when it’s Monday, and then Tuesday without a sign of them, Clarke starts to get panicky. The radios stopped receiving transmissions on Sunday. They have no contact with the group outside.

Madi tries to tell her that everything’s alright, but Clarke can even tell that she’s worried too. Bellamy’s someone she looks up to, and Clarke can tell that Madi desperately wants him to be okay. Every time she hears the gate open, or someone shouts at the gate, her hands get shaky and she turns to look, but it’s never them.

By Wednesday she’s in full on Disaster Mode. Her mother sends her away because she can’t get anything done correctly. She stomps to Raven’s cabin and bangs open the door, trying to ignore the ache in her back and her heart.

“I’m sure they’re fine,” Raven hopes, “stuff happens out there.”

“Stuff doesn’t happen that causes them to be three days late,” Clarke growls sitting down in one of Raven’s chairs.  Clarke takes a deep breath and rubs her face, trying to steady herself. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have stormed in here.”

Raven shrugs. “Don’t worry about it. It’s okay to be worried. Monty was in here an hour ago. Harper last night.” It’s not like they can help it. With everything that’s happened in their lives, they’re all basically hardwired to worry about everything that could happen.

Clarke takes another breath and examines what Raven’s making, trying to think of anything but the scouting trip. It’s wood, and a lot of it. “What are you making?”

Raven glances at her and then back at her work. “I’m not allowed to tell you. Strict orders from Bellamy.”

Clarke rolls her eyes. “When have you ever listened to him?”

“You’re right, but I’m listening to him now.” Clarke lets out another huff as she hears commotion outside. “You want to go check?”

She shakes her head. “If it was something important they’d come find me. I’m too tired to move right now. My back is killing me.”

“That’s what you get for being pregnant.” Raven snorts playfully and Clarke rolls her eyes.

It’s not even a minute later when Monty flies into the room, panting and looking fear-stricken. The two women stare at him in shock, looking for an answer. “They’re back.” The way he says it makes Clarke’s heart drop to her feet.

She and Raven follow Monty as quickly as they can out of the cabin and to the gate. Clarke’s heart pounds uncomfortably and her hands shake. She can’t breathe. Raven has to help her breathe again as they approach the gates. The commotion at the gate does not sound like good commotion. There are people running everywhere. The Rover looks banged up and so do the people. Her eyes frantically assess the situation. There’s blood. There’s bruises. Miller’s sitting on the ground next to Kane, the younger of the two with a big gash on his head. Monty nearly catapults himself at Miller when he sees him and Miller holds him tightly. Echo looks relatively okay, a few cuts and bruises, but it doesn’t stop her from finding Harper in the crowd. But she can’t find Bellamy. Where is Bellamy?

Kane sees her and Raven standing to the side and does his best to stand up. He’s wincing when he walks and he holds his right side. “What happened?” Raven demands, looking up at the older man.

“Rover crashed. We didn’t see the ridge, and rolled off. Took us a day to get out of the wreckage and get it back working. Had to find a different way back. Have you seen your mother?”

“Have you seen Bellamy?” Clarke counters back, biting her lip.

Kane falters for a moment and Clarke wants to cry. Kane’s going to tell her that he’s dead and he died in the accident. That she’s alone in this and without the man she loves. Her hands start to shake again and she rests them gingerly on her belly. “I haven’t. He’s alive, but I haven’t seen him since we pulled up.”

“My mom’s in Medical,” Clarke forces out and then rubs her face. At that moment, school gets out and Clarke sees Madi sprint across the street to crash into Clarke.

“Where’s Bellamy? We saw the rover pull up from inside.”

“I don’t know.” Clarke says shakily, shaking her head quickly. “Madi, I need you to go put your school bag up. Put your school bag up, and then go to med bay with Abby. She’ll need your help.”

“But Bellamy—“

Clarke shoots her a look and she does as she’s told, sprinting off to their cabin. Clarke turns back to Raven and Raven gives her an apologetic look. “Go to Medical. If he’s hurt he might be there.” Clarke nods frantically and Raven gives her a tight hug. “I have to go help with the Rover. I’ll be here if you need anything.”

Clarke does her best to walk to med bay without falling over in fear or loss of feeling in her legs. Her mind is reeling. Kane said he was alive, but to what extent? Is he dying? Is he already dead? The thoughts only push her faster. When she arrives, it’s chaos. Almost everyone on the scouting trip is injured in some way. Her eyes search the room, but she doesn’t find the person she’s looking for. She goes to the back room of the station, but doesn’t see him there either. Then Madi comes running in and immediately starts assisting and Clarke has to get out.

So she looks. She looks all day and doesn’t find him. She looks in the mess hall, in the school, even in the damn public showers, but she doesn’t find him. She’s defeated. Clarke doesn’t know what to do.

She picks up Madi from Medical, and they trek back to their cabin, both tired and sad. Madi’s eyes are drooping and Clarke admits that even she can’t stay awake much longer. The baby hasn’t kicked since the morning.

They open the door and Madi immediately flops down on the couch. Clarke smiles softly as Madi complains, “Abby didn’t let me do anything today. I just had to get water and bandages.”

“It was a big day,” Clarke says softly and Madi pouts. “Next time I’m sure she’ll let you do something big.”

There’s a shuffling from Clarke’s room, and then the door opens. There, standing in front of them, bruised and battered, is Bellamy.

Madi jumps up from the couch and crashes into him, hugging him tightly around the waist. Clarke can’t move. Bellamy gives Madi a tight hug, but his eyes don’t leave Clarke’s. Her eyes devour his body, looking for any sort of pain or missing limb, anything wrong with him, but eventually she gives in to the urge to hold him. Utter relief floods her body and she lets out a strangled cry before moving over to the two of them. Bellamy manages to get his arms around both of them and Clarke gets her arms around him. He winces a bit but lets it happen.

When Clarke finally pulls away, there are tears on her face. But then she’s angry. She can feel anger seeping into her body, so she acts on it. She shoves him, hard. “Where have you been? What were you thinking, Bellamy!?” His eyes widen at her and Madi doesn’t let go of him. “You could have told someone where you were going! I spent the whole day looking for you only to see that you’ve been here all day!” She shoves him again and Bellamy finally finds her wrists and holds her tight.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly and she shakes her head, her face scrunching up, “I should have told someone where I was. I saw Madi come in here and I followed. She was gone before I made it here. I thought you would be here, and when I got back I fell asleep. I woke up two minutes ago, Clarke.”

“I-I t-thought,” her chin quivers and her heart hurts. “I thought you were dead.”

“I’m right here.” Bellamy whispers and she finally nods. “I’m not going anywhere. Not when I have so much to come home to.” He glances down at her extended stomach and brushes his fingers on it. Clarke lets out another sob and buries her face back in his chest. Madi shifts her hold to Clarke and they stand there for a little, before Clarke finally pulls away.

It takes Madi a little bit of time to finally get in to bed, as she wants to latch onto Bellamy to prevent him from ever leaving again. Personally, Clarke feels the same. It takes a promise of waking her up and going to breakfast together, but Bellamy finally gets her in bed and to go to sleep.

He lumbers back into Clarke’s bedroom to find her sitting on the bed, tugging on the tips of her hair. “Don’t do that again,” she whispers, not looking up.

Bellamy shakes his head. “I won’t. I’m sorry.” Clarke sniffles and he crosses the room slowly before pulling her into his arms. She takes a shaky breath and he holds her tightly to him. “I wasn’t thinking.”

Clarke lets out a watery laugh before turning to him and pressing her lips to his gently. She thought that she had lost him. The thought makes her heart hurt. “Are you hurt?”

He pulls away from her and nods. “Yeah. Couple ribs are broken but nothing too severe.”

“Let me see.”

“Clarke,” he starts to protest but she shakes her head.

“Did you go to Medical?” His silence is her answer, and then she’s tugging his shirt over his head. There are bruises covering the left side of his chest, along with several cuts and scrapes. “Bell,” Clarke breathes and then looks back up at him. He looks incredibly guilty. “You’re hurt. You need to get treated.”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle. Besides, I’ve got you.” Clarke stares at him seriously for a moment, eyes pleading for him to listen to her, and then he relents. “Fine. I’ll go tomorrow. Have your mom look at me. Happy?” She nods quickly before he changes for bed, tactfully leaving his shirt on, as if it’s going to prevent Clarke from seeing the bruises. She’s partly angry at him for not getting treated and partly angry at him for going straight to bed. But, she’s whole heartedly happy that he’s alive, though.

Bellamy crawls into bed slowly and then pulls Clarke down with him. His hands go to her belly and he stares at it for a moment. “What happened?” Finally, Clarke asks the question she’s been begging to ask all day. “Kane told me a little bit, but…” she trails off and he takes a breath.

“There was something in the path. We think it was a boulder or some shit, I don’t even know, but we hit it hard, and then spun out and rolled. Kept rolling until we rolled off a cliff and then landed. It’s a miracle we’re all alive. Rover held up. It took us a while to get everyone out of it, and then we had to repair it as best we could so we could get back.” Bellamy takes a sharp breath and she notices his eyes are tightly closed. “Then we had to find a new route. God, Clarke, it was scary. The only thing I can compare it to is landing on earth both times, but this was something different. It was awful.” Her hand cups his cheek and he leans into it. “I saw my life literally flash before my eyes and I didn’t want to see it. I thought we were all dead. Miller was knocked out for so long and I thought I was going to have to tell Monty.”

She rests her chin on his chest. “But you’re not. You’re not dead, and Miller’s not dead, and you’re all alive.”

“I thought I was.”

“Bell—“

“And then there was just so much that I thought about. About you and Madi and the baby and that if I was dead, I would never get to meet the baby, and I just,” he pauses and his eyes open again. “I couldn’t stop thinking about what we said, before I left, I mean. How everything was going to be fine. And then it wasn’t, and I felt like an idiot.” Clarke’s heart aches.

“You’re alive, Bellamy. You’re alive, and yeah, you’re a little banged up. But you’re alive, and you’re still here with us, and you’re going to meet the baby. Okay?” Her hands cup his cheeks gently, running her thumb down them.

Bellamy bobs his head quickly before dipping down to kiss her. It seems he can’t pull away, like every time he kisses her it’ll be the last time. Clarke doesn’t complain, but takes it easy. “God,” he rasps, rolling so he can hover over her. Her belly gets in the way but he makes due. “God, I love you so much. I’m so in love with you.”

Clarke pulls away and looks up at him. Her head is spinning and it takes her a moment to process what he’s just said. “You love me?”

He rolls his eyes exasperatedly, but she can see the underlying fear in them. “Yes, you dumbass, I love you. Have for years. I thought it was obvious.”

A laugh bubbles out of her and she pulls him down to kiss her happily. He laughs into her mouth as her hands cup her cheeks to keep him there. “I love you too, idiot.”

Bellamy smiles into the kiss and pulls away, but not before giving her another gentle kiss. He lowers himself back down beside her before pulling up her shirt over her belly and pressing a kiss to the bump. “I love you too, baby.” Clarke laughs and he looks up at her, a shit-eating grin on his face. “Almost as much as I love your mom. And Madi. Can’t forget about Madi.”

Clarke smiles at him warmly before a thought springs to her head. She wants him here, all the time. Especially now that it’s getting closer and closer to her due date and the baby actually being there. It’s becoming more and more real. And it’s easier to move into her cabin, as Madi already has a room and it wouldn’t make sense for the pregnant woman to have to move all of her stuff to another cabin. “Bellamy?”

“Hm?”

“Move in.” His brows raise and she quickly explains her reasoning, spitting them out quickly and quietly and he finally laughs and moves to kiss her again.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes. I’ll move in.”

She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in. “I’ll have to talk to Madi first. To make sure it’s okay.” He nods and then grins again. “I love you.”

His smile grows and he drops himself next to her, pulling her close to him. “Mm. Could get used to you saying that.”

Bellamy moves in two days later, after Clarke talked to Madi. She was ecstatic, jumping up and down demanding that he move in at that second. A grounder couple takes Bellamy’s old house, and he moves into Clarke and Madi’s. Well, now it’s Clarke and Bellamy and Madi’s cabin. She watches him move his stuff around the rooms, putting books here and there and his clothes in the dresser in their room. Their room. He had collected stuff over the year they’d been back. He catches her watching him and grins. “What? See something you like?”

Clarke rolls her eyes and rests a hand on his back. “Well, I do like the books you brought. And I guess I like you too.” He laughs and rests his hands on her stomach as the baby starts to kick.

“Love it when that happens,” he smiles and Clarke smiles brightly back.

“You might. Feels like she’s swimming in there and using me to push off.”

“Still think we’re having a girl?”

Clarke shrugs. “I don’t know. I go back and forth between the two. Sometimes she’s she and sometimes he’s he. Which do you want?”

Bellamy thinks for a long moment. “I don’t know. I don’t care, really. Either way, I’m going to love them. If it’s a boy he’s gonna do the same shit that I did growing up, which would make it harder for us.” Clarke laughs. “But if it’s a girl she’s gonna she’s gonna be absolutely insufferable, much like you were a few years ago,” Clarke shoves him and makes a face, “but I will love either of them equally the same. What do you want?”

“A boy. Even if he’s going to be just like you, I’d rather that than just like me. I just managed to get myself in a lot of trouble all the time.” Bellamy laughs and plants a quick kiss to her lips before moving back to his stuff to finish unpacking. 

On a rare night that it’s just the two of them, Bellamy makes dinner. They have a mess hall on the other side of the settlement, but each cabin has a small kitchen for those nights when it’s too hard to go to dinner. Madi’s staying at a friends house, and Clarke is grateful for the break. She’s exhausted. Her body aches and her skin hurts from being stretched. That’s why Bellamy offered to cook, to keep her off of her feet for as long as possible. Her mood is impossibly horrible and she’s been grumbling all day about how he did this to her.

It’s nearing the end of winter, but she’s still chilly. Clarke is wrapped in a blanket in front of the fire, wearing some of Bellamy’s wool socks and one of his long sleeve shirts, as she’s starting not to fit into her own. He passes by the fireplace as he walks back into the kitchen to get the food. “You’re cute, you know that?”

Clarke grumbles. “You did this to me. You put a baby in me and now everything is wrong.”

“Takes two to make a baby, Clarke. Didn’t you take anatomy?” Clarke flips him off and curls back into her blankets as he tells her that dinner is ready. She forces herself up and to the table, the blanket still wrapped tight around her.

“I did take anatomy,” she hisses, forcing herself to eat the without a doubt great dinner he’s prepared.

Bellamy gives her a look but decides against saying anything. She almost wishes he’d pick a fight with her. She’s angry and she’s upset and she wants to yell. And more importantly, she’s tired. She’s tired of having a baby inside of her who thinks it’s okay to kick in the middle of the damn night and sit on her bladder throughout the day. She’s tired of the fucking mood swings and snapping at anything and everything that happens. She’s just fucking tired.

Dinner is silent. The tension in the room is so thick that it could be cut with a knife. Clarke pushes her food around her plate but ends up eating all of it. Annoyingly good. She starts to gather their dishes but Bellamy takes them from her before she can stand. Anger starts to build up.

“I’m not fucking useless, you know.” Clarke finally grumbles and he turns around quickly.

“I know that. I just figured that because you had been complaining twelve hours ago about being tired that I’d do something nice for you.” He says back calmly and that somehow makes her angrier. She huffs loudly and he turns around sharply, his nostrils flaring. “Is there something wrong, Clarke?”

“Do you want to know what’s wrong, Bellamy?”

“Yes, for the love of God please tell me so I can stop dancing on eggshells with you!”

Clarke throws her hands up in exasperation. “I’m tired! I’m so fucking tired of having this baby inside of me making every single thing hard! I’m tired of being pregnant! Everything hurts all the time and I want it to be over! I want this baby out of me and I want this to be over!” Clarke finally gets to yell, and God, it feels good. It doesn’t feel too great when Bellamy starts yelling back.

“Do you even want this, Clarke? Do you even want to have a baby with me? Because it sure as hell sounds like you’re second guessing it!”

“You can’t pull that card!” She yells back, jabbing a finger into his chest.

“Why, because you’re pregnant and the one carrying it? You just said that you wanted this to be over!” Clarke lets out a loud “UGH” as Bellamy carries on. “And if you didn’t get the memo, Clarke, being a parent is a full-time job! This doesn’t just end! It lasts forever after this and I understand if you’re scared but this isn’t going to just end!” He stalks into the living room and into Madi’s room as Clarke yells back.

“No, you come back here! We aren’t finished!”

He wheels something into the room. A crib. A beautiful, wooden crib. “Do you even want this?” He growls, looking at her with very, very angry eyes. She stares at it for a second until—

She bursts into tears that she can’t control. Tears are pouring from her eyes and Clarke doesn’t even understand why she’s crying. Bellamy looks absolutely bewildered. He doesn’t know whether to stay away or hold her and Clarke doesn’t know what she wants either. In the end, he inches closer towards her, holding up his hands in surrender. Sobs wrack her body and she desperately tries to wipe her tears but they keep coming. Bellamy finally gets a hold of her and she tries to pull away, but he doesn’t let it happen.

She cries for a good fifteen minutes. She’s crying because she fought with Bellamy and she’s crying because she feels useless and she’s crying because there’s a damn crib in her living room for their baby. When she’s all cried out and her tears have mostly dried on her face, she sits numbly in Bellamy’s lap on the floor. She doesn’t have the strength to talk at the moment, and instead stares at the crib.

“I had Raven make it,” Bellamy whispers. “She’s been working on it for a while. I wanted to surprise you, but…” he trails, and when he realizes she’s not going to speak, he keeps talking. “Madi let me hide it in her room the last couple of weeks. She wanted to tell you as soon as she knew but I made her stay quiet.” Clarke sniffles again and wipes her face with the back of her hand. “Clarke, are you okay?”

The blonde lets out a shaky breath. “I don’t know.” She says desperately. “I just don’t know.”

Bellamy nods a little and tries to get her to turn her head towards him. “Talk to me, baby. C’mon. What’s going on?”

“I’m just so t-tired.” Clarke squeaks, and lets out a defeated breath. “I don’t know. Everything just feels so hard now. My entire body hurts all of the time and I’m exhausted and everyone thinks I’m useless because I’m seven months pregnant and I’m just…”

“Tired.” He supplies and she nods.

“Tired.”

Bellamy takes another breath as Clarke leans into his chest. “It’s okay to be tired, Clarke. You’re growing another human inside of you. That’s bound to be uncomfortable sometimes. I get it. I do. But you’re not useless. You know that and the rest of us know that. We’ve only been trying to do more because you’ve been saying how tired you are. We don’t want you to strain yourself, and give yourself more reason to be tired.”

“I get that. It just feels like I’m useless.”

“We can work on it. Find some stuff for you to do that isn’t going to hurt you or the baby but still keeps you busy.”

Clarke nods again and finally looks at him. His eyes are sad. Like he doesn’t know what to say, and that only makes her want to cry again. He always knows what to say. They’re quiet for a second as Clarke sniffles. Then he speaks again. His voice is guarded and almost empty of emotion. She can hear it, though. The underlying fear of what he’s implying. “Do you even want this baby, Clarke?”

Tears well in her eyes and she nods her head rapidly. “Yes,” she cries, burying her face back in her hands. “I do want the baby, Bellamy. I do.” She looks at him quickly, trying to get him to understand that she does want the baby! She wants it more than anything in the entire world! It’s just so hard right now and she feels so defeated. He won’t look at her. “I know what I said and I didn’t mean it and I’m sorry.”

“If you don’t want it we can just—“

“No!” Clarke yells and he quiets himself, looking at her intently. “Let me talk.” She has to take another deep breath to steady herself and her thoughts. “I want the baby,” Clarke says carefully, “I do. I’m just so tired. And it’s hard right now. Because it’s almost over and he’s almost here and I’m just ready for it to happen and be done. I don’t particularly like everything that comes with being pregnant, but I want this baby.”

“Clarke.”

“But I’m scared. I’m scared out of my damn mind, Bellamy. I don’t know how to raise a baby. I’ve got Madi this far only because she was terrified when I found her and latched on to anything that she could. I don’t know how to give birth. I don’t know how to do anything that I’d have to do for the baby when she gets here. I’m so scared.”

Bellamy stresses, “I am too. I’m scared too. But what you said,” he runs his free hand over his face, “it really hurt to hear that from you. That you just wanted it to be out and over. Once a baby is born it isn’t over. Please tell me you know that, Clarke.” She nods quickly and he continues. “I want this. I have for a while. But if you don’t, we can figure something out. Give the baby to Monty and Miller, I don’t know.”

“No,” Clarke frantically spits out, “no. It’s ours and we’re keeping it. Because we both want this, we’re just scared.” She stares at him, searching for some sort of acknowledgement in his face. Finally, he nods, his eyes closing. “I’m sorry I yelled. And I’m sorry I said what I said. I wanted to yell. I thought it would make me feel better.”

Bellamy snorts. “Did it?”

“For a minute. And then we both started yelling and I didn’t like it. But I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said and I wish I could take it back.”

“S’okay,” he grunts, but she knows it isn’t. He’s hurt and he has every right to be. “I’m sorry I yelled back. Parenting is hard, and it’s going to be hard to figure it out. Please, just promise me,” he tips her chin so she’s forced to look at him and he’s almost pleading, “promise me that you want this. That you want this and you understand what’s coming.”

“I promise.”

“And that you won’t say that again. That you just want it to be over.”

Clarke nods heavily. “I promise, Bellamy.” His eyes are sad when he lets her chin drop. She gives him a hug, but she can tell he’s still upset about everything that she said.

They’re quiet for a few minutes, and Clarke wills herself not to cry again. Everything hurts. Her body hurts and her head hurts and her heart aches for what she did tonight. What she said almost feels irreversible. He’s never going to stop thinking about it, and she knows it. Clarke doesn’t know what to do.

“Go look at it.” Bellamy says softly, and she looks back up at him. “The crib. Go look at it.” Clarke glances back over at it and starts to stand, stumbling a bit but otherwise making it okay.

It’s a beautiful crib, really. A deep brown, sanded and shaded just right. Nothing to nick herself on while putting a baby in it. Her hands grip the side of it as she’s able to move one side down. And then she’s crying all over again and Bellamy’s arms find their way back around her. They stand by the crib wrapped tightly together.

“Why are you crying again?”

“I don’t know!” She cries, wiping her tears frantically, “because of the damn mood swings and because you and Raven spent time on it for me and you and the baby and I love it and I love you, and—“

“Clarke,” Bellamy says again, “it’s okay. Please stop crying.” He turns her around so she’s leaning up against the side of the crib and so that he’s caging her in. As if to prevent her from running away. “Clarke,” he whispers more gently than before, “baby, c’mon.” Clarke hiccups again before taking a shuddering breath. “Do you like it?”

“I love it.” He nods proudly and looks back in it.

“We didn’t get a mattress or anything. Not yet. I wanted your mom to look at it first to make sure it would be safe for a baby.”

Clarke looks back up at him and rests her hand on his chest. “Thank you. I love it.” He nods and wraps her in another tight hug. “I’m sorry. About tonight. It was supposed to be a nice night.”

His hand cups the back of her head and she can feel his hands scrunching in her hair. “It’s okay. We’ll get past it. We always do.”

When he pulls back, she presses herself up on her toes to kiss him, to tell him that she’s sorry. Clarke expects him to pull away after a few moments but he only pulls her closer, his arms surging around her and tightening his grip. He makes a noise into her throat as her hands twist in his hair. Very, very quickly, Bellamy has her pressed into a wall and she feels herself go very warm as his hands dip lower and lower on her body. “Bell,” she whines, her fingers tugging his shirt up as much as she can, “please.” He obliges and pulls his shirt over his head before lifting her up and shuffling to the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him.

Clarke feels the most level-headed that she has in days. She lays next to Bellamy on her side, her fingers curling through his curls. He’s been quiet since they finished, but she doesn’t mind. It’s been a long night.

Finally, he speaks up. “I hate makeup sex.” Clarke raises a brow and props herself up on her elbow. “Okay, I don’t hate it. I like sex and I like makeup sex and most importantly I like it with you, but,” he lets out a sigh. “I hate fighting. If we could just have makeup sex without the fighting then that would be great.”

Clarke snorts a bit and then resumes playing with his hair. “I don’t like fighting either,” she admits quietly, “but it’s gonna be something we have to work on. It’ll get harder when the baby gets here and we don’t sleep for days at a time.” He chortles and rolls to look at her, his eyes only momentarily going to her exposed body. “But we’ll work on it. I don’t like fighting with you.”

He shakes his head and leans to give her a gentle kiss. “I still love you, you know.”

“And I still love you.”

“It’ll just be something to work on.” Clarke nods and he nuzzles into her neck gently and she sighs. “Clarke?”

“Hm?”

“Have you thought about names?”

“Names?”

“For the baby.”

She shakes her head. “Have you?”

“No,” he admits, pulling his face from her neck to kiss her cheek. “We should probably start thinking about it, though. Baby’s coming in two months.” She’s not sure whether that scares her or excites her. A little bit of both. “Do you want to name it after anyone?”

Clarke looks down at her stomach as Bellamy places a hand there. “Is there anyone we would want to name it after?”

Bellamy shrugs. “I thought about Jasper or even Jordan for a little.” He whispers, thinking of their late friend. “I don’t know, I figured Monty might want to use that one if he and Miller are able to adopt.”

“I think that’s his.” Clarke whispers back, as the baby kicks Bellamy’s hand. He smiles softly. “We’ve lost a lot of people. I don’t know if I want to name our baby after someone we lost.” She thinks that would only make her remember everything that happened.

Bellamy nods. “Do we want a grounder name?” Clarke makes a face and he laughs. “Okay, so no grounder names. One of our names. Of our people from the Ark.” Everyone on the ground is their people now, but sometimes it’s best to remember your roots.

“Are you gonna make me name our kid after the stars, Bellamy?” He feigns shock and places his hand on his chest like he’s been hurt. It makes her laugh, and he smiles.

They’re not great yet. Not from earlier, at least. Clarke knows that it’ll take some time to get over what she said and didn’t say and how she acted and how he reacted. She knows that, and she’s ready to figure it out. Because that’s what they do. They get angry, yell, have mind blowing makeup sex, and then figure it out. They love each other, and she knows that. Like they said earlier, it’ll just take some time. 

“For the last time, we are not naming our son Augustus.”

“Oh c’mon! It could be Gus for short!” Bellamy laughs, following Clarke through Medical. He’s been following her for an hour spouting out names that they could name their kid. He’s brought up Augustus at least six times. “How cute would that be?”

Clarke wrinkles her nose. She doesn’t particularly like the name Gus or Augustus. “Didn’t you name Octavia based on Augustus?” Bellamy nods and she grins. “Then we’re not going to do that. Or Promethesus. Do you want him to get made fun of the rest of his life? Especially by his own mother?”

Bellamy lets out a laugh and nods, continuing to follow her out of the door. He’s even enlisted their friends to shout out names whenever they see her, so she hears a chorus of names across camp.

“Amos!”

“Dexter!”

“Mara!”

“Bambi!”

Clarke rolls her eyes at Monty, Miller, Murphy and Emori and they grin back at her before resuming the work they were previously doing. “Who said Bambi?” Clarke asks when she waddles over to them.

Murphy jabs a thumb at Emori. “She thought it was cute!”

“It is!” Emori protests, laughing.

“Isn’t that the name of that deer from one of those old movies?” Bellamy asks, following closely behind Clarke.

Murphy gives Emori the ‘I told you so’ look and she sticks out her tongue. “Any luck on names?”

“Obviously not or you wouldn’t be shouting names at me.” Clarke mutters and her friends roll their eyes.

“Gotta get a move on,” Monty says, popping his head back up. “Baby’s coming in a month.” Clarke nods slowly and turns to find Bellamy grinning broadly. He’s been getting more and more excited the last couple days which in turn is making her more excited. She’s scared out of her mind, but excited. “Are you ready for that?”

“I think so,” Clarke admits. “I’m scared but I’m ready. Ready to not be pregnant anymore,” she laughs and Emori looks at her closely.

“What does it feel like? Being pregnant.”

“It’s so weird. Like it’s great and it’s this new life but also I have feet and elbows in my stomach doing whatever they please.” Clarke says and Emori nods. “But it’s good. For the most part. It gets in the way sometimes but…”

Emori nods again and Clarke raises an eyebrow suspiciously. Emori notices and covers up quickly. “I’ve just never been around pregnant women. When I was in the Dead Zone it was just me and a few others and we never really were exposed to it. I’m just curious.” Clarke nods, still suspicious, but takes the answer. She glances at Murphy, but he’s stopped paying attention.

“I have to go for my guard shift.” Bellamy tells her, wrapping an arm around her back and patting her stomach quickly with the other one. Clarke nods and leans into his hug before pressing on her toes to kiss him. “I’ll see you in a few hours. I have a surprise for you.”

She raises another eyebrow. “Bellamy, the last time you gave me a surprise I vomited all over the floor.”

He rolls his eyes and kisses her cheek. “I promise this one will be better, okay?” Clarke nods as he kisses her cheek again. “I love you.”

“Love you too!” She laughs as he trots away, turning around momentarily to smile at her. He’s been overly affectionate recently, but she’s not complaining. Affection will be hard to come by in the coming weeks when the baby takes up most of their time.

Clarke forgets all about Bellamy’s surprise until she’s heading back to their cabin after going through supplies for the thousandth time. Her feet hurt and she just wants to lay down for a while with one of Bellamy’s books. However, when she gets to her cabin, she finds that she’s not going to be able to do that. There are people in there. Her friends and her family are all waiting for her with a big bag in the middle of the room. Bellamy has the brightest smile on his face when he crosses the room.

“What’s going on?” She asks, winding an arm around Bellamy’s back.

Abby’s the one who finally speaks up, after looking around at her friends with a happy glint in her eyes. “We have something for you two.” Clarke raises a brow and Bellamy nudges her towards the bag. She edges towards it slowly, before finally opening it and then she just wants to cry. It has baby clothes in it. Soft, downy baby clothes. Clothes and a couple blankets and a mattress for the crib. Clarke feels tears well up in her eyes as she looks up at her mother, and then reaches towards her for a hug. Abby holds her tightly as everyone laughs.

“I knew she’d cry,” Clarke hears Murphy say and she turns to him and rolls her eyes.

“It’s the hormones, nothing more.”

Her mother gives her another gentle hug before resting her hand on Clarke’s extended belly. “Only a few more weeks. I’m so proud of you, Clarke.” Abby kisses Clarke’s forehead before passing her around the room as their friends give her their congratulations. She’s thankful for them. For their support and their willingness to help her through this. Octavia doesn’t let her go for a very long time, and when they pull away both women are crying happy tears. Finally, she gets back around to Bellamy, who just looks absolutely stunned with happiness.

“Where did you all get this?” She asks, leaning back into Bellamy’s side.

Octavia smiles and looks around the room at their friends. “We had some in the bunker, but we wanted to do something special for you two. We’ve been making them for the last few months for you.” Clarke feels another bout of tears come into her eyes, and then her friends are laughing again, but all she can do is smile.

“I am dying, Bellamy. I want this baby out of me, now.” Clarke groans, laying back on the blankets. She’s carried to term. It has been forty weeks. The baby has not left the building yet.

“Baby’s not ready to be out of you,” he replies, handing her a cup of water. “I know you’re ready to be done. I know. But we have nothing to induce labor or tell the baby it’s time to come out. That’s on her own time.” Clarke groans again. There are very few women on the ground that carry to term. Clarke wonders why she was one of the ones who had to carry to term. “You’ve done amazing. And you’re almost there.”

“What if the baby just decides to stay there forever, hm? What do I do then?”

Bellamy looks at her and then shakes his head. “The baby will come out, Clarke. Just a matter of when she decides to come out.”

“You know, Bellamy, they say that sex sometimes induces labor.”

Bellamy laughs. “Clarke, I would love to have sex with you, but you don’t exactly look like you’re up for it.” Clarke groans again and buries her face in a pillow as Madi gets home from school.

“Clarke!”

“Bedroom!” She calls back, her voice muffled by the pillow. She hears feet trample into the room and when she looks out she sees Madi holding a paper up.

“I got a 100! On my math test!”

Clarke smiles tiredly and kisses her head. “I’m so proud of you. You did good.”

Bellamy gives her a hug as she scurries back out of the room to put her bag down. “Don’t forget who helped you learn all of that!”

“Thank you, Bellamy.” She says back, before coming into the room and giving him another hug. “When’s the baby coming? Last week you said any day.”

Clarke groans and rolls onto her side. “I know what I said,” she mumbles, “baby obviously doesn’t want to come yet.”

Madi marches over and sits on the ground to stare at Clarke’s belly. “Hi, baby. Can you come out now? I want to meet you. And so do Clarke and Bellamy.” Clarke feels the baby shift as Madi talks and groans again. “Did he move?”

Clarke nods. “He’s been moving a lot.” She grimaces again as she tries to get comfortable and Madi frowns.

“Is this what babies do? Just move around?”

Bellamy laugh and Clarke groans again, pulling a pillow back over her head. “At this point I think I want my mom to just numb me and go in and get her.”

Bellamy rolls his eyes. “You’d deliver Cesarean?”

“Not that I want to. If I have to, though…”

It’s two days later when it finally happens. Clarke has gotten to the point where she’s considering taking a knife to her own stomach to get the damn thing out when she feels it. The twinge that spikes through her body. She pauses for a moment at the sink, cocking her head to the side as if to question it. She goes back to washing dishes, and it happens again a few minutes later. She’s slowly becoming increasingly more uncomfortable and she keeps fidgeting trying to find a comfortable position to stand.

And then her water breaks and Clarke lets out a tight breath and nearly cries in relief.

“Bell,” she calls, surprisingly calm.

“Yeah?” He’s in the bedroom folding the baby clothes again.

Clarke takes another breath. “We uh,” she doesn’t know whether to laugh or to cry, “we need to go to Medical. Pretty soon.”

“Why? You don’t work till two and it’s only noon.”

She nearly rolls her eyes. He’s been waiting for months and now even when she says it’s time he doesn’t get it. “No, Bellamy, we need to go to Medical.”

She hears movement from the other room and an exhausted sigh. “What do you mean we need to go to—” Bellamy stops abruptly and stares at her with a question on his face. Clarke gives him a weak smile and kind of gestures to the floor and then her belly.

“I think we need to go to Medical.” She repeats firmly, and he finally takes a sharp breath, his eyes wide.

“You, it’s time?” Clarke suppresses a small smile as he stutters on his words and stumbles closer to her, graciously avoiding the water on the floor. He puts his hands on her extended belly for the last time as she nods, and another twinge shoots through her. Bellamy lets out a loud nervous laugh and then looks back up at her. “Are you ready?”

“Are you?” She supplies back and he takes another nervous breath before they finally make their way to Medical. They’re only stopped a couple times, once by Raven and another time by Murphy and Clarke couldn’t quite tell who was the most excited for this to happen.

By the time they get inside, she’d had another small contraction and Bellamy’s probably going to explode either with nerves or excitement. Abby quickly realizes what’s going on and is able to pull them into one of the rooms that they had built for surgery or labor, whichever was needed. Clarke is thankful that there are very few people in Medical today; she wants her mother there and ready in case anything goes wrong. And it’s not like she doesn’t trust Jackson, she does, but she would much rather have her mother helping her out.

She gets situated into a bed and changed into one of the gowns her mother reserves for childbirth and she gets checked out.

“You’re not really dilated yet,” Abby muses, looking up at Clarke. “It’s gonna be a while. Sit tight, get comfortable, drink some water, try to get some sleep.” Clarke nods. “No, I mean it Clarke. Get some sleep. You won’t sleep for the next eighteen years so I suggest you do it now.” Abby smiles a bit and kisses Clarke on the cheek before venturing out of the room.

Bellamy gives her a nervous look and tries to smile. “What now?”

“We wait. Someone needs to get Madi.”  Bellamy nods and stands quickly, before hesitating. “Go. I’ll be fine for twenty minutes when you get her. Take her to Raven or Monty and Miller, whoever you can. Tell her that I love her and we’ll send someone to get her when it’s over.” Bellamy nods and leans down to kiss her, savoring the feel of her lips on his.

Clarke manages to sleep through a few contractions before they get closer together and worse. She feels like her body is splitting in half and nearly vomits after one particularly difficult contraction. She doesn’t even know how long it’s been since she got here.

Bellamy wipes her forehead with a rag and she collapses back onto the bed. “This is awful.” She groans, rubbing her eyes. “What time is it?”

He checks his watch and sighs. “Midnight. Been here around twelve hours.”

She groans again and tries to curl herself into a ball, but another contraction hits and she’s grimacing again. And this is how the next several hours go, with it getting worse over and over again. Abby comes in to check a few times, and when she tells her that she’s only at eight centimeters she wants to cry because she’s been doing this for nineteen hours and not even there yet.

Her body hurts and tears and she’s pretty sure she’s broken a few of Bellamy’s fingers but she doesn’t care, quite frankly. It’s partly his fault that she’s in this mess. She’s cried at least three times in the last hour and knows she’ll cry more. She thinks that her body actually splits in half at some point and she feels her vision go hazy. And Clarke is scared. It’s as simple as that. She feels more tears leak out of her eyes and Bellamy goes to wipe them away, but she snaps at him and he relents.

And then her mother comes back in and announces that it’s time and the fear and the pain is back and it’s everywhere. She sees her mother put on a mask, robe and gloves and then sits down between her legs, preparing for the baby that’s going to appear hopefully sooner rather than later. She hears her mother saying her name and it takes a moment to focus on her and her voice. “You need to wait to push until I tell you to, okay? You’re going to want to push, but not just yet.”

Clarke nods numbly and her trembling hand reaches out to Bellamy’s, and like he always does, he takes it with a firm squeeze. She has to blink a few times when her body is screaming at her to push and then she just starts yelling and screaming, and oh fuck, she can’t feel anything at all.

And then her mother is telling her to push and she’s pushing with all she’s got and it still doesn’t feel like enough. Then the baby’s head is there and she’s screaming at Bellamy and breaking his fingers, and with another push, she feels something leave her body.

Her vision goes hazy again.

Everything becomes muffled and she can’t move, her body is stuck and she feels herself slipping away.

The last thing she registers is Bellamy’s panicked voice and a sharp cry of a baby. 

Bellamy’s quiet voice wakes her out of her unconsciousness. Her body aches and she feels sticky and gross and exhausted. It takes her a little bit to open her eyes, to face what lies ahead of her, but when she does, the pain she was feeling fades away.

Bellamy is holding a bundle of blankets in the crook of his elbow. His head is downturned and he’s talking to the bundle. “…and your momma’s gonna be just fine, little man, she’s a fighter and she can’t wait to see you and to talk to you and love you. We love you so much already.”

“Bell,” Clarke whispers, and it takes him a second to drag his eyes from the baby. His eyes search her face, looking for any discomfort or pain and he swallows. He’s tired and looks like he hasn’t slept in a while. He’s still wearing the same clothes she remembers seeing him in last. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he repeats and looks back down at his arm. “We didn’t know…” he swallows thickly. “You lost a lot of blood during delivery. We d-didn’t know if you were gonna be okay. I don’t know what I would’ve, I t-though…”

“I’m right here, Bellamy.” Clarke whispers and he nods again. “Can I see—“

His face breaks out into a bright smile and he nods. “Perfectly healthy. Seven pounds exactly, all of his fingers and toes,” Bellamy says moving to hand the bundle to her.

“His? We have a son? He’s healthy?” Clarke feels tears prick her eyes as Bellamy passes the baby off to her. “Oh, oh my god, Bellamy.” She can’t tear her eyes away. Her baby. Bellamy’s baby. Their baby. He’s asleep. He’s wrapped tightly in his blankets and she can’t stop looking. He’s got Bellamy’s darker skin and has a head full of hair. Her heart is bursting and she can’t keep her smile off of her face. “Bellamy,” she says again, feeling the tears seep down her face. “He’s perfect, Bell.”

The man next to her nods and sits on the edge of the bed with her, but then she scoots over (somewhat painfully) for him to sit next to her. They peer down at their son together. “He’s been asleep for an hour. You delivered three hours ago and they had to make sure you didn’t bleed out. God, Clarke you have no idea how scary it was.”

She shakes her head as she runs a finger down the boy’s cheek, sniffling. “No, I don’t. But I’m here now and our son is right here, and I think we should be happy about that. You think?” She says gently, finally looking back at him. He nods and kisses her head before looking back down, just as he’s waking up. His eyes are blue and Clarke feels another bout of tears threaten her eyes. “Hi, baby,” she whispers as his eyes look around the room and finally look at his mother, “what in the world are you looking at?”

“I haven’t named him yet. Wanted you to be awake for that.” Bellamy murmurs against her temple and she snorts.

“I appreciate the sentiment. Didn’t we decide on Luke if it was a boy?

Bellamy nods and looks back down at Clarke’s arms. “Are we good with that? Luke?”

Clarke looks at her son intently and then tips her head into a nod. “Yes. Are you?”

“Whatever the hell we want.”

Clarke lets out a sharp laugh as the door opens quietly. Luke grasps his whole fist around Clarke’s finger and she has to wipe her face. Abby pops her head in and smiles when she sees that Clarke is awake. “Mom! Mom c’mere look!” Abby laughs but follows her daughter’s instruction. She gives her a tight hug before looking at the baby.

“He’s a beaut,” Abby laughs before grabbing her medical bag. “Even when he was screaming his head off for you five seconds after he was born.” Bellamy chokes on a laugh and Clarke gives her a tired smile. “Still, good to see my grandson after all of these months. Have you nursed yet?”

Clarke shakes her head. “Has he had anything?”

This time, Abby shakes her head. “No. We didn’t want him to latch on to anything but you because of the fear of him not recognizing you as his mother.” Clarke nods just as Luke starts to whine. “Probably about time.” Bellamy helps her get situated, and it takes a few tries, but finally Luke latches onto Clarke. She leans back in the bed as Abby takes her temperature and other vitals to make sure she’s going to be okay. “You lost a lot of blood during the delivery, Clarke. Most of the blood came after the delivery, so you didn’t have to deliver Cesarean. I’m sure you’re going to be fine but we’re going to keep you here a couple days to make sure everything’s in order and that everything’s healing up properly. Baby’s perfectly healthy. No deformities from what we can see, and nightblood was passed down. No more conclaves though.” Clarke nods tiredly and looks down at the baby and then up at Bellamy.

“Have you slept?” She asks quietly and he rubs a hand over his tired face.

“Clarke, you were in labor for 23 hours. And then knocked out for 3. I have not slept, but I’m okay. I promise.” She looks up at him and makes a face. He finally says quietly, “I’m not missing any of this. We can sleep when we’re dead.” Clarke rolls her eyes as Luke finishes nursing.

About thirty minutes later, after Abby’s left and Clarke and Bellamy have just stared at Luke forever, there’s another knock on the door. Abby pokes her head back in. “There’s someone out here who’s been waiting a very long time to be a big sister.” Clarke’s eyes light up as Bellamy crawls off of the bed to go get Madi.

Clarke can’t tear her eyes away from her son. He’s so small. So, so small. His little hand is curled in a fist on top of his blanket and the tuff of dark hair sits lightly on his head. She runs her finger down his cheek again and his eyes follow her intently. Then the door opens, and Madi is pushing her way into the room.

Clarke thinks that Madi’s going to explode with happiness. She scurries over to Clarke’s bedside and peers down at the bundle. “What do you think, Madi?” Clarke asks quietly as Madi takes Luke in.

She tips her head to the side and gets a little closer. “I think he has a smushed face.” Bellamy lets out a bark of laughter and places his hands on Madi’s shoulders. “But he’s cute. And tiny. His head looks like a cone.”

Bellamy chuckles. “When babies are born they don’t really look like babies yet, Madi. He’ll look more like himself in a month or so.”

She tips her head even further and then looks from Clarke to Bellamy rapidly. “He looks like you, Bellamy. A lot like you.” He nods and looks down at his son proudly. Clarke looks between the two and agrees.

“Do you want to hold him?” Clarke asks, and Madi’s eyes go as wide as saucers. She takes that as a yes. She lets Bellamy take Luke from her and watches as he instructs Madi to sit in the chair next to her bed. She does so diligently, and waits impatiently. “Be careful with his head.” Clarke says quickly, and Bellamy looks back. “Sorry. Nervous.” Bellamy nods and gives her a gentle look.

She watches closely as he hands Madi the baby and as Madi adjusts her arms to hold him. It takes her a second, but she finally gets it. Bellamy sits back down on the bed with Clarke as she starts to tear up again. “Hi Luke.” Madi starts to talk and Clarke really starts crying. “I’m Madi. I’m your big sister. I’m gonna be the best big sister you have. Your only big sister. I’m not really your sister, but I’m Clarke’s. We found each other a few years ago. I guess I’m Bellamy’s too, even if he’s an old man.” Bellamy scoffs, but rests his cheek on Clarke’s hair. Clarke’s smiles into her hand as Madi keeps talking. “I’m gonna teach you everything I know about everything. Maybe not math, I’m not very good at math. But everything else, yeah. And you can meet all of my friends and all of Clarke’s friends and they’re going to love you because I love you! Even if your face is smushed in a little bit.” Bellamy brushes Clarke’s tears from her face and gives her a kiss. She melts into it, before pulling away and watching Madi again. “You are gonna be the best brother I’ve ever had, I know it. My only brother, but that doesn’t matter.” She finally looks back up at Clarke and Bellamy. “So when is he going to start to talk?”

Clarke lets out a watery laugh as Madi looks back down at her brother. Bellamy sneaks another kiss, and for once in her life, Madi doesn’t make a face.

Their friends circulate in and out for the rest of the day.

Octavia’s the first one in, demanding to see her nephew. Bellamy hands him carefully over to his sister and she peers down at him. “Y’know, you’d think that this was just Bellamy’s baby, not even Clarke’s.” Clarke rolls her eyes but watches the happy interaction between Bellamy and Octavia.

“He has Clarke’s eyes,” Bellamy adds as Octavia looks back down. “I know he’s asleep now, but yeah. He’s not just mine. It takes two people to make a baby, O.”

Octavia sticks her tongue out at him. “I’m well aware, Bellamy. What did you decide on for a name?”

Kane follows Abby back into the room and immediately crosses to give Bellamy a bear hug. Clarke watches both men laugh and Kane gives Bellamy a broad smile. Clarke feels her heart grow even bigger than it already has today. “Congratulations. A son.”

“A son.” Bellamy repeats in awe, looking over at Octavia still holding Luke. “I almost can’t believe it.”

Kane leans down and gives Clarke a tight hug, expressing his congratulations as he does it. “You’ll believe it at three in the morning when he wakes you up. Can I hold him?”

Octavia passes him over to Kane and both Clarke and Abby watch closely. “Looks just like you, Bellamy.”

Clarke lets out a sigh and gives Kane a smile. “He looks like you too, Clarke, but much more like Bellamy right now. You never know, maybe he’ll end up with blonde hair.” Bellamy gives another proud smile and squeezes Clarke’s hand.

Raven comes barreling in next. “I came as soon as I could! Now let me see him!” And in a rare moment of Raven showing emotion other than pain, she gives them a wide smile when she’s handed Luke. Madi watches Raven carefully, as if she’s expecting something to go wrong. She hasn’t left her brother’s side since she got into the room. Raven holds him carefully and then looks at him. “You’ve got a lot to live up to, Luke. Both of your parents saved the world, multiple times.”

“You had a hand in that,” Bellamy laughs and Raven raises a brow.

“Alright, you’ve got to live up to your Aunt Raven too. Sorry I don’t make the rules.”

Murphy and Emori come through next, and Clarke watches them carefully. “He is going to do great things, judging by his parents.” Emori says after taking Luke from Murphy. “John, don’t you think?”

Murphy seems to be lost for words and finally nods. “You really did it. Like, actually had a kid. We never thought it would happen.” Bellamy scowls and shoves Murphy, but it’s all in good fun. “The entire time we were up there all you could talk about was Clarke this and Clarke that and finally, you did something about it. Congratulations, man. Really.” He claps Bellamy on the shoulder and gives Clarke a smile.

“That’s one of the nicest things you’ve ever said,” Clarke laughs and watches as he trots back over to Emori.

“You want one of these one day?” He asks quietly, and she shrugs, but the way she avoids everyone’s eyes tells Clarke that one day actually starts today.

Madi falls asleep in the chair as the next two venture in. Monty and Miller are next and Miller’s a natural with the baby. Monty watches him fondly and then turns to Clarke. “How did it feel? Labor, I mean.”

Clarke groans. “Like my body was being split from the inside out.” Monty grimaces just as Luke starts to cry.

“He wants his mom, I think.” Miller says hastily, passing the bundle back to Clarke. “I don’t know what I did he was fine one second.”

“That’s what babies do,” Clarke hums, adjusting her son in her arms, “What’s going on, bud? Hm?” She soothes him and he calms down again, still whimpering slightly. Then, she lifts him up to sniff and makes a face. “Monty, would you like to change his diaper?” And with that, they hurry out of the room shouting their congratulations.

“I got it,” Bellamy says quietly, before taking the baby and starting to change him. He’s careful not to make any loud noises to not wake Madi up. She’s had a big day. Clarke has to stifle a yawn so Bellamy doesn’t demand that no one else comes in. She wants her friends to see Luke, and she wants to be awake for it.

Finally, much to Clarke’s surprise, Echo comes in followed by Harper.

“We wanted to see what all of the fuss was about,” Harper says brightly before looking down at the baby. “Oh, Clarke, he’s beautiful.”

“Madi said he had a smushed face,” Bellamy adds and Harper laughs.

“May I?” Clarke nods as Harper takes him. Bellamy watches closely as Echo peers at the baby. Clarke looks between Bellamy and Echo rapidly only to find that she smiles.

“Congratulations. Really.” The bit of tension that Clarke was feeling dissolves, and the room feels much lighter. 

A couple hours later, after the most important people in their lives have come and gone, the new family sits quietly in the room. Clarke is nursing again and Bellamy now sits in the chair, with Madi asleep on his lap.

“Go home, Bellamy.” Clarke whispers. “You haven’t slept. I’m fine, we’re fine. Take Madi and go get some sleep.”

He shakes his head, either in a way to say no or to wake himself up. “I’m fine.

Clarke makes a face and adjusts Luke with a slight wince. “You’ve been falling asleep for an hour. Madi’s been asleep since eight o’clock. Please, go home. At least send Madi home with my mom and Kane or even Raven. But you need to get some sleep too.”

He rubs his face. “I’ll take Madi to Raven. And then I’ll be back.” Clarke goes to protest and he shakes his head, slowly standing up with Madi in his arms. “No, I’m coming back. I’m tired and probably going insane, but I’m not missing any of this.” Clarke finally nods and gives him a gentle smile as he leans to kiss her quickly. Then, he’s gone with Madi in tow.

Clarke looks down at her son. “Your dad’s insane, bud. Did you know that?”

It’s been three weeks since the baby was born. Three weeks of dirty diapers and crying in the middle of the night and complete and utter exhaustion. But, three weeks of complete and utter happiness.

Clarke got back on her feet a few days after the birth, and has already started doing some things back in the med station. Her mom refuses to let her do anything huge, but she’s grateful. It’s a nice change of pace from the craziness of having a baby. Currently, she’s finishing up cleaning the tables. She’s tired and is excited to go home and see her family. When she makes it outside, it seems that her family has come to her. Madi is running around chasing a couple girls from her class and gives Clarke a quick hug before running again. Bellamy isn’t facing her as she walks up, but when he turns she feels her heart nearly burst.

Luke is wrapped up in a sling against Bellamy’s chest. He’s staring up at Bellamy and occasionally his eyes dart to Madi as she chases her friends. Clarke feels her heart grow much larger when Bellamy gives her a smile and looks down at his son. “Raven made it. Said it would make it easier for us to carry him.” Clarke’s eyes well with tears and she swats them away. Damn hormones.

“I like it.” Clarke laughs, peering towards Luke. “Have you had him since lunch?”

“When you went to work, yeah. O had him for a little, but for the most part he’s been with me.” Clarke nods as Bellamy plants a kiss onto her head. The idea of Bellamy with a baby has always been a thought in her head, but now that it’s their baby, she thinks that he’s never been better. “Y’know Bell, you’re a pretty hot dad.”

Bellamy lets out a bark of laughter and looks at her. “Not so bad yourself.”

“I’m a hot dad?” Bellamy rolls his eyes as Clarke reaches into the sling and pulls Luke out, cradling him in her arms. Madi rushes over and looks down at Luke. Madi absolutely adores her brother. She tells everyone that she meets about him and Clarke finds it absolutely adorable. She’s also been incredibly helpful and both Clarke and Bellamy are grateful. Clarke also feels bad, because now there’s a crying baby in their house, but Madi doesn’t seem to mind. “He looks like a baby now.”

Bellamy laughs. “I told you he would.” Madi calls her friends over and the three girls stare at the baby in Clarke’s arms, and the only thing that she can do is smile. She’s exhausted, and her body still hurts and is figuring itself out after pregnancy, but she’s so happy. She hasn’t been this happy in a very long time.

Luke has been crying for two hours. Nonstop. He started whining for something, and Clarke has tried everything. She’s changed him, fed him, rocked him, but literally nothing has worked. She’s exhausted.

“C’mon, bud.” She mumbles as Luke starts whining again. It’s not very loud but she has the biggest headache from the last two hours. “Shh,” she whispers, walking back into their bedroom and standing by the crib. “Are you sleepy? Is that what you want?” She coos tiredly, swaddling him tightly again before trying to lower him gently to the mattress. He whines for another few minutes as Clarke stares down at him, but his eyes droop. Clarke nearly cries with happiness when his eyes shut and the cries cease for the first time in two hours.

Clarke collapses onto bed burying her face into a pillow. It seems like it’s only been seconds when the door opens loudly and Luke wakes up again, whining. She nearly screams but then Bellamy trots into the room.

He takes one look at the sight in front of him before he crosses to the crib. “I got it,” he tells her quietly, before lifting his son out of the crib gently. The crying stops almost immediately when Bellamy holds Luke tightly. “Has he been crying all afternoon?”

Clarke nods tiredly. “For the most part. Only time he stopped was when I nursed. I think he missed you.” Bellamy chuckles as Luke looks up at him. “Thank you.”

He nods and crosses the small room before sitting on the bed gently to not disturb Luke or Clarke. Luke rests against Bellamy’s chest as he lays backwards and Clarke can’t help but stare. She could look at the sight before her for the rest of her life.

She rests her chin on his shoulder and they look at Luke together. “How was Guard?”

Bellamy shrugs. “Same old, same old. There’s nothing out there for us to guard against just yet. I know why we do it, but it just feels repetitive.” Clarke nods and he turns his head to kiss her forehead. “How was your day? Besides the screaming baby, I mean.”

“It was okay. I’m sleepy. He had just quieted down when you came in.”

“I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head as he adjusts his grip on Luke. “You didn’t know. He’s quiet now at least. Missed his dad.”

Bellamy smiles and Clarke watches him look at his son. “Are you giving your mom trouble, little man?” Her heart swells with pride and happiness as Luke stares at them. “You think he knows who we are?”

Clarke thinks for a moment and then nods. “Kind of. I think he knows that he belongs to us, because he sees us the most. But I don’t know if he recognizes us as his parents yet.” He nods back and takes her hand before kissing it gently. “He will soon.”

“And then things get really hard.” Clarke rolls her eyes. As if it hasn’t been hard enough yet. She lifts her hand to Luke and watches as his eyes follow her fingers. Clarke tickles his stomach, and then there’s a small toothless grin and Clarke nearly explodes.

“He has the sweetest smile, and—“

Bellamy grins and tips his head into a nod. “I think he knows who you are.” She smiles softly and presses a kiss to her son’s head. “What, no kiss for me?”

Clarke rolls her eyes and gives Bellamy a kiss and pulls away to find him grinning. “This kid takes a lot of my Clarke time.”

She swats him and rests back down into his shoulder, looking at Luke. She frowns. They haven’t been getting to spend a lot of time together because of Luke. “Bellamy?”

“Hm?”

“Sometimes I wish we would’ve waited.”

“What do you mean?” Her brows furrow and she bites her lip a little before he nudges her. “C’mon, what’s up?”

Clarke sighs. “We didn’t really get to spend a lot of time together just us.”

Bellamy points out, “we had nine months.”

“Some people get years before kids.”

The man next to her sighs and shifts his grip on his son. “Do you regret it?”

“No!” She says quickly, sitting up so she can look at him. “Definitely not. He’s one of the things that makes me happiest, next to you and Madi.” Bellamy’s face flushes and she shakes her head. “I don’t regret it. Sometimes I just wonder what it would’ve been like if we had gotten our shit together before the world ended.”

Bellamy pulls her back close to him and presses a kiss to the top of her head. “If we had gotten our shit together before the world ended then you would’ve been left down here and I really don’t think I would’ve been able to handle anymore sadness than I already did.” He doesn’t like to talk about what he was like up there. She’s heard stories from their friends who made the journey with him, and sometimes late at night he talks about it, but never anything in depth. Not since that first conversation they had all those months ago.

“Then at least when you came back down. If we had just figured it out then,”

“Clarke,” Bellamy shakes his head before turning it to face her. “We needed time to find each other again. I needed time to figure myself out again. If we had tried this when we got back down then it would’ve been disastrous, and you know that. I wasn’t really myself for a few weeks.”

“I know,” she mumbles, looking up at him. “I just wonder sometimes. I miss spending time with you. I love Madi and I love Luke but I need a break sometimes.”

“Being a mom is hard,” he soothes, rolling so he can put Luke in between the two of them so he can look at Clarke. “And you’re doing a great job, baby.” She rests her head on her pillow and blinks to keep herself awake. “Here, how about this. I’ll ask Octavia or your mom and Kane if they can take the kids for a night. I’m sure they’d love to spend time with their grandkids and I’m sure Madi would love to hang out with Octavia for a while. And then we can just stay in and cook or do whatever we want.”

“The last time we stayed in I yelled at you a lot.” Clarke grumbles and Bellamy chuckles, brushing the hair from her face.

“We won’t yell this time.”

She nods and opens her eyes. “I’d like that.”

“I’ll ask.” He leans over and pecks her lips and then looks back at their son. “He’s asleep.”

“Thank God,” Clarke nearly cries as Bellamy gets up and deposits Luke back in his crib gently. He doesn’t make a sound and Bellamy smiles before Clarke starts whining. “C’mere.”

She reaches out to him when he crawls back onto the bed and she curls into him, burying her face into his chest. Clarke’s eyes close tightly and Bellamy holds her close to him.

She’s almost asleep when the front door bangs open and Madi comes running in, and Clarke actually cries this time. 

Two weeks later they finally get their night alone. Madi’s with Octavia for the night and Luke’s with Abby and Kane. Madi was so excited to go stay with Octavia that Bellamy could barely keep control on her as they walked over. Clarke was almost upset to leave Luke with her mother. Abby called it separation anxiety and Clarke just scowled at her. She told her directions multiple times and Abby just laughed, saying that she once did this too. Clarke finally left when she saw Kane holding Luke, obviously secure and safe in the cabin.

They’re cooking together. Clarke’s nearly asleep on her feet but she refuses to let sleep overtake her tonight. He bumps her hip with his as she nearly missing putting the onions in the pot. “Tired?”

Clarke nods but smiles. “Yeah. But I’m okay. Once I eat I’ll be fine.” He nods back at her and they finish making dinner in silence, relishing the quiet of their home for the first time in three months. They forgo the table for dinner and instead sit on the couch, Clarke’s socked feet curled up under her body.

The only thing heard for a few minutes is the clink of silverware against the plates. “I have a surprise for you.” Bellamy says, looking at her with a glint in his eyes. Her brows raise and he slips off of the couch and pads to the kitchen area. Clarke finishes her food and sets it on the small table they have in the room when Bellamy lumbers back into the room, holding something on a plate.

“Is that…” she squints at it when he hands it to her. “Is this chocolate cake? Bellamy Blake where did you get chocolate cake? And why have I not seen it until right now?”

He grins and holds up his hands in surrender. “Monty made some. We just now got around to getting all of the ingredients for it and I wanted you to try it first.

“What if it poisons me?” She teases and he rolls his eyes, scooting closer to her and throwing an arm around her shoulder.

“We tried it. Monty and I were the testers, and we’re still living.” Clarke grins and nearly devours it, laughing when Bellamy kisses her to get the chocolate off of her lips. “And you are too, so I guess that means we didn’t poison you.” He mumbles through their lips and Clarke pulls away, patting his cheek.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.” She grins and goes in to kiss him again, her hands cupping his face gently. He smiles into the kiss and maneuvers his arms to wrap around her body. Clarke’s legs straddle his hips and she lets out a whine when he tightens his grip on her body. He smirks and presses some kisses down her neck, reveling in the sound that comes out of her throat. She hasn’t wanted him this badly since the first time they had sex. Her fingers skirt up his shirt, edging it off, and finally he relents and lets her tug it over his head, and then her fingers are all over his chest, loving the feel of his skin. His mouth is back on hers, and he slips his tongue into her mouth.

Her entire body is once again on fire because of him. Clarke presses herself closer to him, grinding down and he growls, lifting her up swiftly and carrying her to the bedroom. Bellamy drops her on the bed before staring at her with some sort of awe. “What?” Clarke groans, annoyed by the lack of contact.

He leans back down and kisses her again, much gentler than it was seconds ago. “You’re literally the strongest person I know. With everything that you’ve ever done. God, Clarke, you don’t even know.” Her hands tug on his waistband and he sucks in a tight breath. “You had a baby and you continue to amaze me every single day and I don’t know how you do it, but I love it.”

“Bellamy,” she grumbles, letting him kiss down her neck and to the collar of her shirt. “I love you,” she stresses and he grins, sucking on his spot on her collarbone that he likes to ruin. “Now can you please just kiss me?”

Bellamy laughs and inches her shirt off, kissing up her body as he gets it off. And suddenly, she feels self-conscious again. The room feels chilly and she stops quickly. He notices and pulls away slightly, his lips swollen and his eyes darkened. “What? Too soon? If it’s too soon we can stop, it’s okay.”

Clarke lets out a shaky laugh and then sighs. “It’s not too soon. I got the all clear two weeks ago. I just,” she looks down at her body, “I don’t look the same.”

“Clarke,” he says gently, tipping her chin up. She tries not to look at him, because her eyes are welling with tears. “Hey, don’t do that. Not tonight.”

“I’m sorry,” she says, “I am. I want to, and I know that I can and that it’s safe but I just don’t look like I did before.”

“Do you think I care?” He asks, looking at her softly. “Clarke, I love you. I love you and everything that comes with it. Of course your body is going to look different. You had a baby! You brought something into the world. And that’s amazing. But I love you, and I promise that I love your body no matter what. If anything, you having a baby only made you hotter.” Clarke rolls her eyes. “I’m serious! You brought my son, our son, into the world and you being a mother makes you hotter.”

Clarke laughs a bit as he kisses her again, and her hands wrap around his back. “If you want to stop we can. I don’t mind. Just being able to get some time with you is enough.”

She lets out a sigh and takes his lip between her bottom teeth and he raises a brow. “I want to.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t know how different I’ll look down there,” she murmurs as he kisses back down between her breasts, his hand finding the clasp of her bra.

“I don’t care. I love you.”

“I love you too, Bell.” He grins wickedly and makes quick work of the rest of their clothes, and they disappear into the night together, and nothing matters but them.

The next morning, they still lay in bed. They’re in their undergarments and Clarke has on his shirt from the night before, but his hands are still roaming all over her body. “I feel like that’s the first time I’ve slept in months.”

“Because it is.” Bellamy laughs as he puts his mouth back on the spot he left last night. “Are you going to have to cover this?”

Clarke finds the spot Bellamy is referring to and shrugs. “I’m pretty sure most people knew what we were doing last night when we got some time away. What’s the point of covering it up?”

He groans and sucks up her neck, undoubtedly trying to leave more spots. “That doesn’t mean that I want our sexual tendencies broadcasted around the settlement.” Clarke wrinkles her nose and he makes a face. “What did I say?”

“I don’t like the fact that you just said sexual tendencies.”

“Well what do you want me to call it? The birds and the bees?” Clarke laughs as he references the old sex education video they all had to watch on the Ark. She scoots down so she can rest her chin on his chest. “Are you happy?”

She nods. “I am. I’m exhausted, but I’m happy. With you, with Madi, and with Luke. Are you?”

Bellamy tips his head and then kisses the top of her head. “I am. I’m glad we had a baby.” Clarke laughs and he checks his watch on the bedside table. “When are we supposed to get them?”

She shrugs. “Noon.”

“It’s noon.”

Clarke frowns and then kisses his cheek. “I think they can wait a little longer.”