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Mark’s most prominent memories begin with Donghyuck.
One day, after school, a 7-year-old Mark walks into his new room, in his new house, in his new country, and finds a little boy sitting on the floor, playing with his rocket. The kid, not noticing Mark, continues to dismantle and reassemble the rocket Mark and his father spent painstaking hours building. Mark closes the door, and walks to the kitchen, in search of his mother and an explanation.
His mother was furiously mixing batter, brows furrowed in concentration. Mark stands at the doorway. “Mom, there’s a kid in my room.”
“That’s the neighbour honey. He came over to play.” She answers, placidly, without looking at Mark.
“He broke my rocket.” His mother stops, glancing up at Mark.
“You can get a new one. Now go make friends.” With a flick of her wrist, she shoos him away. Mark trudges back to his room, pushing the door open. The kid, a small lanky little boy with tan skin and large eyes, finally looks up. He drops the wing on the floor. Mark winces.
“I’m Donghyuck. You must be Minhyung.”
“I’m Mark.”
“Your mum said your name is Minhyung.”
“Well,” Mark frowns, he didn’t like being called by his Korean name, “I like Mark.”
“Is that your Canada name?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, Mark.” The boy smiles, a big, toothy, cheeky grin.
-
“Mark!”
Mark flinches at the shrill voice calling his name. He glides across the room in his chair, looking out the window at the caller. Donghyuck.
“Look what I got!” Mark squints to see what the younger boy was eagerly holding up. The sunlight is blinding, and Donghyuck is too bright. He can’t see shit. “It’s a cicada! Loads of ‘em at the creek!”
Mark leans back in his seat, resuming back to the magazine in his hand. Collecting bugs didn’t interest him. In fact, the only reason he ever tagged along was because Donghyuck was very insistent, and would pinch his arms if he refused. Mark peered over the magazine to see Donghyuck, still standing under his window, arms outstretched with the bug enclosed in his hand, looking like an idiot. Mark sighs.
“Go away! Catch bugs with Jaemin or something!” Mark was busy. Besides, he was too old to catch bugs with Donghyuck; he was double digits now. Mark sneaks a glance at Donghyuck, who seemed taken back by the bite in Mark’s voice. Guilt crawls under Mark’s skin. He puts his hands down, and begins to shuffle away from the window.
“Suit yourself.” He mutters, kicking his feet on the ground, sending pebbles and dust flying. Immediately, Mark regrets it. He throws the magazine onto his bed, pages fluttering as it lands in a heap on the crumpled sheets. He flies down the stairs, yelling out to his mum that he was going to play with Donghyuck, then throws the door open. Donghyuck stands right before the door, sneering.
“I knew you’d come out! Can’t resist bugs, can ya!”
Yeah. Bugs.
-
“Your first day of middle school. My baby is already so grown up.” Mark’s mother coos. She smooths his hair, pats his new, pressed uniform down, and fixes his tie. Mark’s father watches from the side, a fond smile on his face. His mother finally stops fussing over him, and steps back to marvel again. The bell rings, Mark jolts at the sharp sound, watching as kids like him tear away from their mother’s grasp and run into the school. Mark gulps.
“Be good.” His father tells him. “Make new friends.” Mark thinks about Donghyuck. Is he already at school? What class is he in this year? Is he lonely too? Is he scared too? Mark shakes his head. No way. It’s Donghyuck, and he’s always easily made friends. Plus, Jeno and Jaemin are with him too. Mark misses them. He bids farewell to his parents, giving them a small smile, then follows the line of students into the foreign building.
“How was your first day?” Donghyuck asks him, when he and Mark are lying outside on his lawn. The clear spring sky, spotless and endless, seems to engulf them into its brilliant blue. Mark feels infinite. With Donghyuck by his side, he relaxes for the first time in a day.
“It was okay.” Mark replies softly. Donghyuck shifts, leaning closer so he could hear him better. “I made friends with a Chinese kid named Renjun. He is super smart. Your age, but skipped a grade.”
“Can’t relate.” Donghyuck adds, making Mark giggle.
“He’s really nice. Talks a lot though.” Donghyuck hums. He sits up, shading Mark from the sun. The bright light behind him forms a ring around his body, outlining him in gold. Mark’s breath hitches.
“Do you miss me?”
Mark squints. “Hmm?”
“Do you miss me?” Donghyuck repeats, a soft mumble. “Do you wish I skipped a grade?” He stares at Mark, waiting for an answer. Mark shifts, skin scrawling, all of a sudden. He blames the heat.
“No.” He lies. “You’d never be able to skip a grade anyways. Not with your brain.” Mark chuckles lightly, but doesn’t feel it in his heart. He sits up, lightly pokes Donghyuck’s chest, as he stares at Mark. He rubs the back of his nape, averting his eyes away from Donghyuck’s. He looks down at the grass, choosing to yank out the daisies that just bloomed. Donghyuck swats his hand away from ruining anymore of his mum’s lawn.
“Yeah.” He mumbles. “School’s much better without you anyways, now that your boring ass is gone.”
Mark’s chest feels tight.
-
The sun is scorching against Mark’s bare arms. He shouldn’t have agreed to meeting Donghyuck and the others at the creek. It’s too hot, and Mark would have preferred to stay indoors with the air conditioner. But, Donghyuck had insisted, also pinched his arms. Mark hears laughter, immediately recognising it to be Renjun’s, and pushes through the final line of trees, leading to the stream of water. Donghyuck, latches on to a shrieking Renjun, attempting to drag the boy into the water.
Ever since Donghyuck, along with Jeno and Jaemin, caught up with him this year, he has been attached to the hip with Renjun, completely disregarding Mark. At school, though, at home was a different story. Mark thinks it’s fine. Renjun is nice, unless Donghyuck is around, then they are always bickering or play-fighting or teasing Mark. Really. It’s fine. He watches Donghyuck wrap his arms around Renjun’s waist, throwing him into the water as he screeches. Mark frowns. It’s fine. He looks over at Jeno and catches him scowling at the scene. Mark gets it, he thinks. Renjun’s nice and Donghyuck is tainting him. Yeah. That’s it.
Amidst his thoughts, he fails to notice a tall figure creep up behind him. Mark hits the water with a splash, spluttering as he rises. Jaemin cackles, hands on his hips, then skids down into the water. As Mark exacts revenge by tackling Jaemin, he forgets, and fails to notice as Donghyuck watches him. Donghyuck looks away after minute, turning his attention back to Renjun, as they try to pull Jeno into the water as well.
The summer air is thick.
-
“I hate the cold.” Donghyuck grumbles, marching across the thick snow that blankets Mark’s once green and lush lawn. Mark shuts the door behind him, and follows Donghyuck out to the park. It’s no wonder Donghyuck hates the cold, Mark thinks, the boy is summer incarnated; bright, bold, and blinding. His sun-kissed skin greatly contrasts against the pure white snow that covers the world. It’s no longer golden, but pale under the brutal, numbing temperature. Donghyuck looks out of place in winter. Mark figures, as he scrunches his nose, he doesn’t like the cold much either.
Donghyuck wipes the snow off the swing before sitting down. He kicks his feet, shaking the seat.
“Push me.”
Mark complies. Donghyuck swings, while Mark sits and watches him reach new heights, silently. “Your graduation is in a few days.” Mark blinks out of trance, focusing on Donghyuck’s face. He has stopped swinging for a while now, Mark realises. “Which high school are you applying to?”
“Not too sure yet. Probably the local one everyone goes to.” Mark says, looking down as he squishes snow between his gloved fingers. He glances up at Donghyuck’s hand. They are bare, and blue. Of course. He pulls the gloves of his hands, throwing them onto Donghyuck’s lap. “Wear them, idiot.”
“Your hands will be cold.”
“I have pockets.”
“So do I.”
Mark glares at him, and Donghyuck closes his mouth, tugging the soft material onto his hands. They fit loosely. Mark is bigger, older, than Donghyuck, after all.
“How about you?” Mark asks, eyes on Donghyuck’s hands. “Where do you plan on going, after your done next year?”
“Oh,” Donghyuck smiles softly, looking down at his hands, he fiddles with the gloves, “you know me. I’ll go wherever you go.”
A breath Mark didn’t know he was holding, finally escapes his nose in a puff of air, thick and grey from the cold.
-
“I think I like Jaemin.”
Mark drops his pencil. He looks up at Renjun, who teeters on his chair, hovering over Mark’s desk. He doesn’t look at Mark.
“What.” It wasn’t a question, more an expression of utter bewilderment. Renjun presses his lips together firmly, a faint blush creeping to his cheeks. “Renjun, he’s one of our best friends-how did this-when did you-why-what?”
Renjun tilts back on his chair, wooden legs hitting the ground with a thud. “I don’t know. One minute, we were all huddled in front of your TV, next minute,” Renjun pauses, reddening deeper, “he was leaning against me and I looked at him and our eyes met and-“ Renjun stops, curling inwards, squeezing his eyes shut.
That was all on Saturday, when the group had reunited after weeks of separation due to school. How did he miss his friend going all googly eye for his other friend? He was right there.
Oh. Right. Mark was too busy arguing with Donghyuck, that he didn’t cheat in the last round of Mortal Kombat. Mark refocuses on Renjun, wanting to say something, but he can’t. The feeling of liking someone, too foreign and unfamiliar, for Mark to be able to sympathise. He also doesn’t understand how you can like-like someone you’ve been friends with for 3 years. He supposes, that at the young age of 15, first loves are bound to occur.
Mark is 16, but he hasn’t thought about love yet.
All he thinks about is Donghyuck.
-
“I hate high school math.” Donghyuck whines, scratching the side of his nose with the butt of his pencil. He rolls over on his bed and stretches, his shirt hiking up to reveal smooth flesh. Mark reaches over and pulls it down.
“Stop whining. Why would you not do a whole week’s worth of algebra anyways?” Mark rubs his page; he wrote the wrong formula due to Donghyuck distracting him.
“Because,” Donghyuck huffs, sitting up on the bed, “the bunny never checks homework anyways. He’s only checking tomorrow because that snooty Mr. Lee told him too.”
“Mr. Kim does look like a bunny, doesn’t he- no. Stop distracting me. And Mr. Lee isn’t snooty.” Mark chides, closing his books, finally done with his calculus homework. He faces Donghyuck. “He is nice.”
“Of course you would think that, golden boy Mark Lee, class captain Mark Lee, goody two shoes Mark Lee-“
“Who calls me golden boy?” Mark cuts him off. He had heard the other nicknames, but not that one.
“No one.” Donghyuck says, hugging his Molang plush to his chest, “I came up with that.”
Mark doesn’t argue against it.
“Are you going to the dance?” Donghyuck asks, voice muffled through the pressure of the toy against his mouth.
“I don’t know.”
Donghyuck hums, looking to the side. “I think Jeno’s going to ask Renjun.”
Mark stares at him blankly. As far as he knows, Renjun’s going to ask Jaemin.
“What?” Oh. Mark said that out loud. Donghyuck isn’t supposed to know. He silently prays for Renjun to have mercy on him, if-when- Donghyuck corners him tomorrow. Mark swallows thickly, simply staring at the other until Donghyuck sighs in understanding.
“Yikes. That’s messy.”
Mark agrees.
Mark goes alone to the dance. Well, he goes with Jeno, who is also alone, so they kind of go alone together. Renjun goes with Jaemin. Jeno watches them dance they whole night, eyes distant and sad. Donghyuck doesn’t go at all, said he has mountains of homework to catch up on. Lies. Mark knows Donghyuck doesn’t care for his homework. Yet, he doesn’t question him.
The hall was too dark, despite the rows of fairy lights that aligned the walls. Mark felt bleak, empty, and cold. The space beside him was empty, and Mark felt lost.
He leaves after downing his glass of grape-fruit punch. He struggles to swallow.
Donghyuck loves grape-fruit.
-
The summer before Mark’s final year of high school, he goes to Canada. Donghyuck cries, swearing that it’s allergies, to what Mark has no idea, because he knows everything about the boy and he has no allergies. Mark promises that he’ll be back in no time, and Donghyuck makes him swear on his nose. Mark whines that they aren’t kids anymore, but does it anyways. Donghyuck smiles in satisfaction, wiping his nose on the back of his sleeve. As they drive away from the porch, and Donghyuck’s figure gets smaller and smaller, Mark cries.
Canada is dull. Mark hates it. He realises, that he hates anywhere that isn’t with Donghyuck. They’ve spent far too much time together, and Mark no longer remembers a time before him. He wants to go home to him already.
Mark comes back 3 weeks before the start of the new school year. He opens the car door and is immediately pulled into a bone-crushing embrace.
“Back in no time my ass.“ Donghyuck says, no bite to his voice. He sniffs against Mark’s shoulder. “You were gone forever.”
Mark drops his bags onto the pavement, wrapping his arms around Donghyuck’s smaller frame, deeply breathing in his scent. A smile forms on his face. He fits perfectly against Mark’s taller, more lean body, Mark thinks. He then shakes the thought away. “Well, I’m home now.”
Donghyuck nuzzles into his neck.
As they enter Mark’s house and head to his room, Donghyuck proceeds to update Mark on all that he’s missed in a month and a half, even though he told him via text, and through phone calls at ungodly hours.
“-and I opened the door and MY VIRGIN EYES WERE SCARRED! TAINTED!” Donghyuck flails his arms around violently. Mark laughs. “Seriously! I haven’t been able to look at the world the same since! I mean, sure, I’m happy for Jeno and Renjun but, you’d think they’d choose a better place to furiously make out in!”
“They were in Jeno’s room.” Mark reminds him, matter-of-factly. “You were the one that barged in.”
“Yeah, with the permission of his mother!” Donghyuck defends, folding his arms over his chest. Mark smiles. He missed this. He missed Donghyuck. His mind flitters to Jaemin, and as if reading his mind, Donghyuck clarifies his concerns. “Jaemin’s happy for them. Very happy. I don’t think he actually knew Renjun liked him like that.” Mark relaxes, glad that his group of friends weren’t in shambles due to the recent developments. Donghyuck regards Mark’s still form, then pounces on him, tackling him to the bed. Mark yelps, hitting the mattress with an oof! He laughs, as Donghyuck proceeds to tickles him.
“Tell me about Canada, golden boy.”
-
Mark doesn’t know when it started. When his heart started beating so fast when Donghyuck leaned close to steal his egg roll. When butterflies made a sanctuary in his stomach whenever Donghyuck breathed near him. He recalls back to the second day of the school year, when Donghyuck announced that he would be joining the choir. Mark frowned. He didn’t know Donghyuck liked singing.
“Ever since you went on that holiday, he busied himself in lots of hobbies. He liked singing the best, I guess.” Renjun had told him, when Mark had asked him later that day.
Mark doesn’t get to hear Donghyuck sing until the talent show half way through the term, because Donghyuck kept refusing, insisting he was saving it and he wouldn’t ruin his delicate voice for the likes of Mark. When Donghyuck sings in front on the school that night, illuminated by a single beacon of light, he shines. Mark is left breathless. His voice fills Mark from within, with emotion and love. Donghyuck has never looked so beautiful. On that stage, Donghyuck was the brightest star Mark had ever seen, blinding. Maybe, that’s when it started.
Donghyuck becomes popular after that. Both guys and girls flood him with confessions and requests to sing. Mark frowns. It disrupts their lunch time, and any other time he has Donghyuck to himself. Donghyuck also becomes busy after that, with choir rehearsals. Mark understands. He has to study and prepare for his future anyways. Each time the question about his future is brought before him, Mark thinks about Donghyuck. He can’t see a future without Donghyuck in it. He thinks about Donghyuck and his passion for singing. Mark’s only passion was Donghyuck, now that he thinks about it. Everything always leads back to Donghyuck.
On his form to the guidance counsellor, he writes down the stars, because they remind him of Donghyuck, plus, Mark’s good at physics. That was sorted rather smoothly.
“You’re going to study the stars, golden boy?” Donghyuck says, holding on to Mark’s clammy fingers as he walks along the ledge on the side of the school building. “What a sap.”
Mark scrunches his nose, the afternoon sun rays tickle his skin. “I like the stars.”
Donghyuck hums, hopping off the ledge as they reach the outskirts of the building. “Will you learn how to fly a rocket ship?”
“Donghyuck, I’m not learning how to go outer space, just the science behind it all.”
“So, we’re not going outer space?” Donghyuck pouts and Mark is so, so weak.
“For you,” love, “anything.” Mark says in a harmless, teasing manner. Donghyuck smiles. He lets go of Mark’s hand, humming as he skips ahead. They arrive at Mark’s house and Donghyuck casually struts in, tossing his bag onto the couch. His mum comes to greet them, kissing the top of Donghyuck’s temple, then Mark’s. She calls them to the kitchen for gingerbread biscuits- Donghyuck’s favourite.
Later in the afternoon, as they start their second hour of Mario Kart, Donghyuck leans against Mark’s side and nuzzles his face against his arm. Mark’s breathing falters, but he doesn’t let it show.
“You know,” Donghyuck begins, faintly, “Yukhei, the guy in your class, asked me out today.”
Mark stops fiddling with the controls. His heart clenches.
Donghyuck takes a sharp breath, then continues, “it was after school, when I told you to wait for a bit. He-he told me he liked me a lot, and asked if I would go to the movies with him this weekend.”
Mark stays still. Donghyuck sits up, peering at him. “What should I say?”
Mark frowns. “I don’t know. What’s it got to do with me?”
Donghyuck stares at him, eyes frantically searching his expression. “What do you mean?”
“It’s your choice, I mean, Yukhei is good-looking, and you may never get a chance like this again.” Oh god, Mark needs to stop talking.
“You’re sure about that?” By now, Donghyuck’s scowling. Mark meets his grim expression with an indifferent one, and shrugs. Donghyuck’s frown deepens, and his eyes become glassy, as he gets up from his seat.
“I’m going to go home.” He says, throwing his bag over his shoulder. “It’s getting late. Tell your mum thanks for the food.”
Mark doesn’t get a chance to stop him, before Donghyuck’s out the door. Mark is sure he saw tears streaming down Donghyuck’s face as he left, and he hates it. They don’t belong there, but they were there, because Mark was stupid and confused.
-
Mark hasn’t spoken with Donghyuck since Tuesday. The latter is clearly avoiding him, because he doesn’t answer his texts, nor sit with their group during lunch, and averts his gaze whenever Mark looks his way. He sits with Yukhei, and Mark’s stomach drops. It’s Friday, and Donghyuck has the date tomorrow.
“What did you do?” Renjun asks Mark, accusingly. Jaemin joins in glaring at him.
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit.” Jaemin calls.
Mark flinches at the sharp tone. He looks to Jeno for help, but he’s already joined his boyfriend in pointing fingers. Renjun softens his expression, gingerly cupping Mark’s hand. “Hey, seriously though, you two never fight. Donghyuck doesn’t go a minute without breathing you, so what happened?”
Mark suddenly tears up, his head feeling heavy, and his heart wrenching in his chest. “I don’t know- I- I’m-“
Taken back by the outburst of tears, Jaemin tenderly hushes him, rushing to his side to stroke his back. Mark sniffs. He wants to go home.
When his mum comes to pick him up early from school, she doesn’t question his crestfallen expression. Mark’s never gone home claiming he was sick, so she figures it’s serious.
As soon as Mark enters his room, he flops on to the bed, and stares at the ceiling. Exhaling deeply, he thinks about Donghyuck, that’s all he ever does really, and he ponders over their relationship. They’ve been together, as friends, for longer than Mark can remember. Everything in his life, began and ended with Donghyuck. He was everywhere in Mark’s life. As Mark looks around his room, he can clearly feel Donghyuck’s presence linger in every corner. For god’s sake, there’s pictures of him and Donghyuck in his family’s album. Lee Donghyuck, had etched himself into Mark’s life, and his heart, so effortlessly, so quietly, that Mark no longer knows who he is without him.
Their relationship has had its ups and downs, with Donghyuck’s snarky attitude and Mark’s gullible one. But, he thinks, that he likes the simplicity it, the constant push and pull of their easy friendship. When did he start to want more? When did he have such a change of heart? When did Mark become so possessive?
Mark drowns, his thoughts pulling him under, and the world blacks out.
He wakes with a mission. Mark throws the covers off, and runs to the shower. In lightning speed, he washes up, gets dressed, and bolts out the door. He runs through the front gate, and turns to Donghyuck’s house, padding across the grass until he is standing below his window. He looks around. The street is eerily quiet and empty. He looks to the sky, a soft gold creeps its way up the dark sky. It’s dawn. Mark mentally curses himself for not realising, but he needs to see Donghyuck. He needs to speak to him. Now.
Mark takes a deep breath, calling out for Donghyuck as softly, yet as clearly as possible. He closes his eyes, and prays Donghyuck can hear him. Mark hears the window open. He opens his eyes and bless his soul, Lee Donghyuck, in all his dishevelled, confused, sleepy glory. Mark sighs, instantly feeling lighter than he had been this past week. Donghyuck squints at him. 10 years have passed, the roles are reversed, and Mark thinks, oh the irony.
“I need to speak to you.” Mark hisses, hands cupping his mouth.
Donghyuck whines. “Mark Lee, do you even know what time it is?”
“Please,” Mark practically begs, “I need to see you.”
“No.” Donghyuck huffs. “Go away.”
Mark drops his hands to his side, shoulders drooping, he backs away from the window. Donghyuck watches him, as he gives him one final look, disappointment masking his face, before he walks away.
Mark shuffles across the grass, slowly, making his way back to his house, when the door clicks open. He turns around, and grins. “Can’t resist me, can ya?”
Donghyuck rolls his eyes, tugging his blanket tighter around his body. “You better have a good fucking explanation for this, Mark Lee.” Donghyuck snaps at him, face pinched. He walks closer until he is standing right before Mark.
“I do.” Mark says, looking down at Donghyuck’s beautiful face, beautiful eyes.
“Well, go on.”
“Don’t go on the date.” He blurts. Donghyuck scowls.
“What?”
“I don’t want you to go on the date with Yukhei.”
Donghyuck glowers at him, stepping closer until his breath hits Mark’s lips. Mark tries not to flinch. “Why not?”
"Because."
“Because?” Donghyuck says, voice lilting, urging him to continue. When Mark stays mum, he tuts.
“Because what, Mark Lee? I thought this had nothing to do with you.”
“Well it does-“
“Why?” Donghyuck’s voice cracks. He’s tearing up, and Mark’s heart shatters. He wants to tell him, so bad, but the simple words that bubbled in his heart, fizz out and die in his throat.
“Because.” He croaks, then cups Donghyuck’s face and presses their lips together. Donghyuck sobs at the contact, before bringing his hands to Mark’s back. Mark pulls away, briefly, then angles his head to kiss him better. This time, their noses don’t bump. Donghyuck goes limp against Mark’s body, and Mark holds him in his arms. Donghyuck’s blanket lay in a crumpled heap around his feet.
The sun rises. A new day begins.
-
“So, does this mean you like me?” Donghyuck is sitting in Mark’s lap, on his front lawn, as they watch the world wake. Mark pulls the blanket closer around their bodies, in defence from the morning chill.
“Donghyuck, I just threw my heart at your window. I kissed you, twice, on your front lawn.”
“Yeah,” Donghyuck sniffs, “but you didn’t say you like me.”
Mark rolls his eyes. “Do you like me? You didn’t say it either.”
“You woke me up at dawn, and I didn’t kill you upon sight, golden boy, you tell me.”
Mark laughs, his heart swelling with bliss. “I think, I’ve loved you for quite a while now.”
Donghyuck gasps, hand flying to his mouth. “Love? Oh my Mark Lee-“
Mark shuts him up with his mouth, and the teasing comment dies in Donghyuck’s throat. A few minutes pass, and they break away, resting their foreheads together, noses bumping, breaths mingling.
Donghyuck sneers, breaking the moment. Of course.
“Wait till Jeno and Renjun find out they have competition.”