Work Text:
It was supposed to be a joke. Dan had bought it for Phil ironically. He’d come across a weird ad for it, and he just couldn’t resist. Someone out there somewhere had thought it would be a good idea to make a hoodie with the words “Dan Howell is my boyfriend” printed on it. He imagined it was part of the same demographic who had made the quiz “Would Dan date you?” To those people he said, “no I’m not” and “no he wouldn’t”. It made him cringe on every level to imagine some thirteen year old out there wearing that hoodie. Jesus Christ. That was fucked up and people needed to stop.
Besides, Dan had been off the market for nearly a decade now, and that was never going to change. There was only one person who should be wearing a “Dan Howell is my boyfriend” hoodie and that man was currently in the kitchen eating the last of Dan’s Crunchy Nut.
So, yes, when Dan bought the “Dan Howell is my boyfriend” hoodie and had it shipped to them, when he’d wrapped it up and given it to Phil for his birthday, he hadn’t expected this. He probably wouldn’t have bought the damn thing if he’d seen it coming. Phil—the little shit—would not stop wearing it.
Phil had glared at Dan when he’d read the text for the first time, and Dan had just thrown his head back and laughed. He always loved seeing Phil get a little flushed and flustered. He hadn’t expected, however, the way that Phil had squared his shoulders back and then just tugged the hoodie on over his t-shirt. He had definitely not expected that . He also hadn’t expected the thing to look so fucking good on him. Phil had always looked good in black so maybe he should have seen that one coming.
It was a week later and Phil had only taken it off whenever they went outside and the one time he’d washed it. Dan had made a solid effort to steal it, but Phil knew him too well and Phil had sat on top of the dryer with his Nintendo Switch and refused to let Dan anywhere near it. At this point, Dan wasn’t sure Phil would ever take the damn thing off. He was starting to think he’d have to propose just so they could get married and he’d have to take if off because “Dan Howell is my boyfriend” would no longer be accurate.
When he suggested the idea to Phil, Phil just shrugged and said, “I’ll just stitch me on a little patch that says husband over it.”
“I literally hate you.”
Phil snorted. “You asked me to marry you ten seconds ago.”
“It’s called a hate marriage. Straight people have been doing it for centuries.”
Phil just tossed the hood over his head and pulled on the drawstring until the only visible part of his face was his nose and mouth.
Dan walked over and surprised Phil with a kiss on the mouth. “Take the damn thing off.”
“No thanks, rat,” Phil said, then pushed his head out of his weird cotton cocoon.
When Phil started to walked away, Dan reached out and grabbed his wrist to stop him. “Take it off.”
“Why?”
“Cause it was meant to be an ironic joke, not your new uniform.”
“But it’s cozy,” Phil said. “You could try it on and you’ll understand.”
“I don’t need to give any fuel to the fire that is the dancest tumblr tag.”
Phil gave him a cheeky look. “I frequent that tag. I once read a fic where you ate your own ass.”
Dan snorted. “Really?”
Phil’s voice got a lot lower. “Want to know what else I’ve read?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“There’s one where the 2012 version of you is on his knees for you, his lips wrapped around your dick. You came all over his face.”
Dan laughed so hard and unexpectedly that he spit a little.
Phil narrowed his eyes. “What?”
“You’re just saying that in a voice that like I’m going to find watching one Dan come on another Dan’s face hot. Two Dans is definitely your kink, mate. Not mine.” Though Phil did happen to know that Dan loved when Phil would come on his face so he was probably just trying to use that against Dan, but Dan would not let it get to him. Nope, not at all.
“Fine, then how would you feel about two Phils?” Phil asked.
“Two Phils would eat me out of house and home.”
“Shut up.” Phil pouted, his bottom lip sticking out
Dan, unfortunately, found that absolutely irresistible, so he gave in a little. “Knowing me I’d probably still get jealous of you fucking yourself.” He was mostly out of his jealousy phase, but sometimes it could still kick in pretty hard. “Jesus Christ, how did we start talking about this? Oh right, this fucking hoodie.” Dan tugged on one of the strings.
“Honestly, I kind of thought you’d find it hot.”
“I mean, you look good. You always look good, especially in black, but it was meant as an ironic purchase. Not the only top you wear for the rest of eternity.”
Phil shrugged. “You mean you don’t get anything out of me walking around wearing your name?” He leaned in and whispered in Dan’s ear. “Dan Howell is my boyfriend, you know?”
Dan shuddered, a tingle of heat rolling through him. “ Phil ."
Phil smiled. He was wearing his Calvin Klein shorts and clearly no pants because Dan could clearly see the shape of his huge cock through the fabric. He really was so damn big even when he was soft. Dan would never forget the first time he’d seen it. When Phil had pulled it out on Skype just because Dan had asked to see. It still made him hot, just thinking about it.
Dan must have been looking at Phil in a way that expressed what he was thinking because Phil just laughed and said, “Do you want to fuck me?”
“Fuck yeah.”
Phil bit his lip. “Can I ride you?”
“Yeah, but don’t you dare take off the damn hoodie.”
So that’s how they ended up here, Dan completely naked, Phil naked but for the silly hoodie, his mouth stuffed full of Dan’s cock.
Dan squirmed. “God, fuck, Phil. Can you go deeper?”
Phil let out a little muffled noise, then sank his mouth down even lower. His nose was buried in the curls around the base of Dan’s cock. Phil started to swallow, and the tight wet heat made Dan’s eyes roll back in his head, made his toes curl.
Phil popped off with a wet noise, then sat back, wiping spit from his lips.
“Can I sit on your cock now?” Phil asked.
“ Fuck.” Dan grabbed at the base of his cock. Phil sure did know how to say things that could push him right over the edge. “Yes, shit. Hang on.” Dan rolled over so he could grab the lube on Phil’s pillow. Dan had already worked Phil open on a couple of his fingers. He’d even resisted the urge to do one of his favorite things, which was just fuck Phil with one of their dildos until he came all over himself. He’d resisted because he wanted this—and it was what Phil kept begging him for.
Dan poured the lube into his hand and then slicked it all over his cock. As soon as he did, Phil slung his leg back over Dan and lined himself up with Dan’s cock. He teased his hole over Dan’s dick a few times, then just dropped down.
“Dan,” he whined.
“ Fuck.” Dan just bit into his cheek trying to hold himself together, but it was tight and warm and Phil was Phil.
Dan grabbed at the hoodie squeezing the fabric in his hands to steady himself.
He looked up at Phil, whose head was tossed as he slowly writhed on Dan’s cock. That big cock of his was sticking out from under the hem of the hoodie, dribbling warm onto Dan’s stomach. Dan stroked under what he still could of the foreskin. Phil was really sensitive there.
“Dan. Not fair.”
“Totally fair.” Dan pressed his hips up into Phil to throw him off balance a little. Then, he ran his fingers over the lettering on the hoodie. “You’re right, babe. This is pretty hot.”
“Told ya so.” Phil stuffed his hands into the pockets, then just rocked forward and back on Dan’s cock. “You could fuck me a little, you know?”
“I’m good.” Dan yawned, as he adjusted his pillow to prop him up more comfortably. “Like it like this.”
Phil let out a little whimper as he raised up a little and dropped back down. He looked so pink and gorgeous, Dan could barely stand it. “Really? You just usually like to make it hard for me to walk?”
Dan smiled. Phil wasn’t wrong. There were times they both loved a good, hard fuck. But Dan also liked this, Phil looking all happy and cozy and comfortable, taking Dan’s cock like it was the simplest, best thing in the world.
It wasn’t long before even slow tight heat was too much. When just the look of Phil in that hoodie, biting his lip, as he squeezed around Dan was making him tingle and twitch. Dan couldn’t resist, reaching out and taking Phil’s cock into his hand, stroking and squeezing, feeling it throb against his palm as Phil started to fuck himself just a little harder.
“You ready to come, Phil?”
He just nodded and adjusted his glasses on his nose as he sat up straighter. Dan started to work his hand faster. Then, Phil just let out a few breathy whimpers and came all over Dan’s hand, his come dripping down Dan’s wrist.
“You were so quiet,” Dan said, still teetering on the edge himself. “Was it good?”
Phil looked up at Dan and smiled. “So good.”
“Do you want me to come in you?”
Phil shook his head.
Dan used the strings to pull Phil down to kiss his mouth. His lips were perfect as always, so pliable and warm. “Okay, babe. I’ll pull out.”
Phil put his mouth against Dan’s ear and quietly breathed out, “Come all over the hoodie. I want you to ruin it.”
Those words made Dan hot all over and he pulled Phil’s mouth back to his own, pushed against him hard enough that they were both sitting up, then he pushed Phil back against the bed, and shoved his legs up so Dan could fit perfectly between them.
“Ph-Phil, I need to…”
“I know, Dan.” Phil spread his legs wider. “Fuck me as hard as you need to. You know I can take it.”
Shit. Dan let out a breath. “Jesus Christ, Lester. If people knew you had such a goddamn dirty mouth.”
Phil just smirked, but Dan did need to move a little faster and harder if he wanted to tip over the edge, so he gripped on Phil’s thighs and fucked into him, unable to stop himself from grunting each time he took Phil just a little harder, a little faster.
It was building and building and he was so close. He considered asking Phil if he actually didn't want Dan to come in him or if it was just because of the hoodie because he really wanted fill Phil up. Wanted to push on Phil’s rim afterwards just to watch his come slide back out. But then he looked down at that hoodie again, at the words ‘Dan Howell is my boyfriend’.
Dan pulled out of Phil quickly.
“Fuck,” Phil hissed.
It only took a few practiced slides of his hand before it was hot and tingling and so damn good all over every inch of his body, and he was coming in thick, white lines across the lettering.
“ Now will you take that damn thing off?” Dan asked.