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Arin had been feeling conflicted for months upon months. New feelings had started growing in the pit of his stomach, and for a while he let them grow; he didn’t know any better then. Now? It was getting out of control. Instead of tiny butterflies, there was an intense, untie-able knot in his stomach, one that grew larger each time he thought about it. So he tried not to think about it, but of course that didn’t work. He was around the doofus nearly every day, for most of the day. He wasn’t bisexual. He thought he could have been at one time, a long time ago. But now? He loved his wife. He loved women. Of course he did. But just those statements did not make the knot go away. He knew that this time things were different, that if he would reach out and make a move, that things might change. He might change.
Frustration coursed through his veins for more than one reason. First, he was confused; he didn’t know who he was anymore. If he was falling for a guy, was he really the person he claimed to be? Was he confident in his identity? And second, he was playing Mario Maker, the most infuriating game he’d ever come across. Every level was agony – pure, undiluted agony. And yet, having Dan there with him calmed him to a manageable level. Every time his anger began growing out of control, he heard Dan, somewhat distantly, chiding, “You’ve got this, baby.”
He pretended like he hadn’t heard it at first. I misheard him. That was it. Of course he’d misheard him. Would Dan actually call him ‘baby?’ Arin glanced over to find his friend basically drowning in blankets. He was wearing his NY Giant’s hat, which was pulled down until it just barely covered his eyebrows, and he had two blankets wrapped around himself as if he were part of a burrito. Even now, dressed casually and comfortably, he was still beautiful. Arin admired him for a short second, and then he heard it again… and again. The third time, it wasn’t distant anymore, and he was getting angry on purpose, trying to trigger the little comment to make sure it was real. And then he said it again, “Calm down, baby. You can do it.” Arin’s stomach flipped entirely, the knot growing fifty times its original size. He took deep breaths, doing his best to pretend like those words didn’t affect him, but there was an obvious shift in his demeanor; something about the way he was sitting suddenly looked cramped, uncomfortable, anxious. He was aware of his breathing, how loud his breathing was, and he tried to stop it, only making everything worse. His face started heating up, growing more and more red each second partially from the lack of airflow but also from the actual hate and frustration he felt while playing the game.
Dan had absolutely intended to call Arin baby the first time. And the second. And the third. And every time after that. He didn’t know, but Dan would watch Arin every time the words flowed from his mouth, and each time he would stiffen, his face would grow red, and he would stumble over his words for a couple seconds. The sight of him getting all flustered in turn got Dan flustered, too. It made him weak in the knees, made his breath short and choppy, made his heart pump harder, faster. He loved how nervous Arin looked, how obvious his crush was. Dan had only hoped he was just as obvious.
Arin glanced up at the clock. It was a little short, but he had to end the episode.
Pause. “And next time on Game Grumps, I’m gonna… I don’t know, fuckin’, lose my mind probably.” Dan chuckled and finished shutting down the recording equipment. It was the late, nearly ten o’ clock at that point.
“That was a short one. You feelin’ sleepy or something?” Dan playfully teased, putting his mic and various cords back in their rightful spot, trying his best to tidy the room.
Arin, however, didn’t move. “Can I… ask you something?” His stomach felt tighter.
Dan turned, facing his friend who was clearly struggling to speak. “Of course, dude. What’s going on?”
With a clammy hand, Arin smoothed his hair back and pulled it into a messy bun. “You… you called me ‘baby’ today, didn’t you? I wasn’t just imagining that?”
Dan flashed a dazzling smile. “Yeah man. Why? Didn’t you like that?”
“It’s not that it’s just…” How could he say it? Why did he even say anything? Things had been going fine; Dan was just being himself, and Arin was letting these new feelings get way out of hand. Jesus, they were practically controlling what he was saying. He was looking down when he felt Dan’s gaze upon his face. Blushing, he finally sucked in a deep breath and said, “Could you… not call me that?”
Dan sat back down on the couch, taking off his hat and setting it next to him. He was taken aback by this, and it almost hurt to hear him say those words for some reason. “Was I crossing a line? I just figured—”
Arin was shaking his head before he could finish. “You’re not crossing a line it’s just…” Another deep breath. His body felt electrified, like he had been zapped by lightning. “I think you mean in it a different way than I wish you did.” As soon as those words were out of his mouth, he felt almost relieved. Of course, that relief didn’t last too long, because it was almost instantly replaced with dread, fear, guilt…
“I-I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said that,” Arin quickly tried to backtrack, frantically apologizing for his indirect confession. His eyes darted down to his hands, trying to avoid the looks of confusion and guilt he had seen too many times before.
Dan was smiling, though. Not only was he smiling, but his hands were clasped together against his lips, supposedly holding in some kind of squeal or shriek. His eyes were full of love and happiness and tears. “Why would you apologize?”
“W-well… I just thought maybe you didn’t… feel the same, or something.” Arin’s heart was beating out of control, making it hard for him to breathe.
Dan sprang across the couch, wrapping his long arms around Arin’s neck and nuzzling into his neck. “You fuckin’ idiot. You really didn’t know?”
His heart was in his throat now. He gingerly placed a hand on Dan’s head, smoothing his fluffy hair. Arin was completely confused; not in a million years did he expect a reaction like this. “What?” he asked, his voice cracking.
Dan sat back up, but a hand lingered on Arin’s thigh. “You didn’t know? I’ve been in love with you since day one, dude. I really thought Suzy would have let it slip by now,” he giggled, every movement he made giving off the essence of giddiness. “I have loved you for as long as I’ve known you, Ar. I thought I was being obvious as shit, but maybe you were too in looooove with me to notice,” Dan teased, squeezing the sensitive part on Arin’s thigh, making him yelp.
“Of course I was too in love with you to notice. I mean, fuck dude, have you ever seen yourself?” Arin exclaimed with a cheeky grin. His face was hot, and he wondered if his blush was showing. “You’re probably the most beautiful man I’ve ever met. It’s kinda hard not to fall head over heels for someone like you.” Arin felt like he was being a little too forward, but he didn’t care. It was Dan. His Dan. Was it even possible to be to forward with him? Their friendship had already been extremely intimate, so why would anything else be different?
Dan’s face turned pink. “Y-you think I’m beautiful?”
Arin’s hand covered Dan’s, his thumb rubbing over his bony knuckles. “I know you’re beautiful.”
Dan chuckled, leaning his head on Arin’s shoulder. “You’re pretty beautiful, yourself. Everything about you… you’re just so fuckin’ pretty.”
And in that moment, they were both perfectly happy. They were cuddled together on the couch, limbs tangled everywhere you looked, their breathing synced along with their heartbeats.