Chapter Text
Hanging up his white coat on the hook in his locker, Kyungsoo began to fix the collar on the dress shirt he was wearing while making sure he looked somewhat presentable in the small mirror he hung in the locker.
Kyungsoo picked up his wristwatch from inside the locker and slipped it onto his wrist before securing the latch and checking the time displayed.
It was two in the afternoon and Kyungsoo had just gotten off a 16 hours on-call shift which had started yesterday morning.
Kyungsoo was thankful that there weren’t any critical emergency cases that came in during his shift which needed him to be in charge of. Thanks to that, he had managed to get some decent hours of rest while being on-call.
Kyungsoo had personally asked to be on this shift so he could get off in the afternoon and still be in time to watch the semi-finals match of the currently ongoing Samsung Fire Cup for the board game, Go.
Although Kyungsoo was not able to watch the matches live in the arena, he had managed to get some sort of staff pass to observe the game from his old friends at the Go players association.
These days, Kyungsoo preferred being a spectator to the game and playing against himself instead of being on the board himself across from another competitor.
This was better, Kyungsoo thought.
It was late spring and although the weather was warm enough to not bring a jacket, Seoul was pretty rainy and Kyungsoo dragged his umbrella along with him as he bade goodbye to his colleagues getting off the same shift as him and exited the hospital.
Kyungsoo walked down the stone pedestrian path near the row of shops and buildings under the gloomy afternoon sky. Kyungsoo was grateful that he never forgot his umbrella because it looked like it might rain.
Kyungsoo was heading down to the subway station to travel one district over so he could watch the Go matches.
As Kyungsoo passed by a shop selling grilled meat snacks, Kyungsoo managed to get a whiff of the cooking from the shop and it made his stomach growl.
Kyungsoo sighed innately, knowing that he wouldn’t make it in time if he stopped there to eat. He would just get delivery later on when he got home.
Kyungsoo arrived at the subway station which was less packed at this time of the day. One advantage of working shifts was that he got to skip the usual rush hour traffic and crowd.
Like routine, Kyungsoo swiped his fare card and headed onto the platforms but took the orange line today which would be headed to the large hall where the Go match would be held instead of using the green subway line he usually used to the residential district he lived in.
Clutching his umbrella under his arm and making sure his backpack was securely strapped to his shoulders, Kyungsoo waited for the passengers to alight before he got on the subway.
Due to the smaller crowd, there was ample space around and Kyungsoo managed to get a seat with an empty spot beside himself to put his bag and umbrella on.
There were lots of other empty seats around him so Kyungsoo did not worry about taking up spaces that someone else might need more than he did.
The subway ride would take about twenty minutes with only one stop so Kyungsoo didn’t have to worry about having to change trains.
Kyungsoo leaned his back against the subway’s glass mirror and glanced up at the advertisements plastered onto the walls of the train.
The most prominently displayed advertisement was that of some model in a tank top and holding up a beer bottle.
Kyungsoo then started to recall that he hadn’t been out and casually drinking in a social setting for a while now.
He did owe Sehun this time around for getting him some passes to the tournament and Kyungsoo thought of repaying the favor by buying Sehun a few drinks after the match.
Lately, Kyungsoo had been all about work and just work. This had lasted for about three or four years now.
Almost every day; Kyungsoo got up, got ready for work, went to work and repeated the cycle.
If he had a day off, he would spend it reading the latest news updates for Go tournaments and be going through the match transcripts of the top players and trying to figure out why the winner won and the loser lost from the records of moves played.
Kyungsoo was twenty-nine years old, a junior medical resident who was attached to a medium-sized general hospital and he was aiming to specialize in general surgery once his residency was over in three or four years.
Back when Kyungsoo was a fresh-faced fifteen-year-old high school junior in his black blazer uniform, Kyungsoo had joined the Go club because of the tall boy in his class named Park Chanyeol.
Kyungsoo closed his eyes and tried to get a little bit of rest with his head leaned back on the subway’s mirror as he reminisced the past and how a doctor like him actually got interested in Go.
Being a plump and shy kid in school who knew nobody there, Kyungsoo was quiet and didn’t make many friends initially.
Chanyeol was assigned as his seatmate and thanks to Chanyeol’s boisterousness and take charge attitude, Kyungsoo managed to get by the school year with ease before he finally eased in into high school life.
Kyungsoo went wherever Chanyeol went. They were in the same groups in class, ate together in the cafeteria, played dodge balls against each other in P.E, walked together to the subway station after school every day and of course Kyungsoo ended up joining the Go club because Chanyeol did too.
Except, Kyungsoo had no idea how to play Go or how the game even worked. He had only joined it because of Chanyeol.
All he knew was that it some sort of traditional board game sort of like chess but played with black and white pieces that looked like stones and that there were way more pieces than a chess board.
Kyungsoo had seen his grandfather play Go sometimes with friends but merely as a hobby and not competitively, whenever his grandfather had friends over during the holidays.
After joining the club, Chanyeol volunteered to teach Kyungsoo how to play Go and the two would often stay back after school hours to play in an empty classroom.
First, it was about the game but soon Kyungsoo began staying back more to play Go because of how enamored he became towards Chanyeol.
“Listen, black always plays first,” Chanyeol informed, pouring out the white pieces from a small velvet bag before arranging them onto the 19x19 board.
“Alright,” Kyungsoo nodded in understanding.
“I’ll let you play black to give myself a handicap since this is your first time. I’m going to reduce the board size too so we’ll only play within the boundaries I draw out,” Chanyeol added, marking a square on the board with a marker to distinguish the new space to play in. “Just use 40 pieces for now.”
Kyungsoo began counting the pieces and adding the number to a bowl on his side.
“Wait, take four or five pieces more,” Chanyeol pointed out.
“But then we won’t have the same number of pieces?”, Kyungsoo scrunched his nose, looking up at Chanyeol through glasses that were slipping off his face.
“I’m playing at a handicap so you’ll have more pieces to beat me with. It wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t give you an advantage,” Chanyeol grinned.
“Oh, I see,” Kyungsoo gaped, nodding and doing as told by Chanyeol.
“I’m honored to be playing with you. I hope it’ll be a good game,” Chanyeol bowed in front of the board.
“You don’t have to. It’s nothing really. I’m no one great,” Kyungsoo tried to brush it off.
“Well then…but you really should bow to your opponent before a match,” Chanyeol smiled.
“I do? I’m so sorry,” Kyungsoo promptly apologized, bowing his head too hard and smacking his forehead against the board.
Chanyeol broke out into laughter, assuring, “Don’t be so nervous. I’m no one great either. It’s not like you’re going against a top player.”
Kyungsoo lost that first match but he gained an invaluable friend in Chanyeol that day.
Chanyeol walked Kyungsoo home after his first loss and began talking about the strategies of Go. Chanyeol insisted to properly teach Kyungsoo how to play Go until Kyungsoo could at least reach the official amateur player rank.
As they passed down the streets and rows of houses in the late spring weather, Chanyeol went on and on about Go and on how he planned to teach Kyungsoo to play.
Kyungsoo noticed how heavily Chanyeol emphasized his growth and potential in Go. It was all about Go and about Kyungsoo that came out from Chanyeol’s mouth, and there seemed to be a glimmer in Chanyeol’s eye when he was rambling about Go.
Chanyeol really loved Go.
Kyungsoo didn’t understand half the things Chanyeol was talking about but he did know someone who made him feel important and like an equal.
With Chanyeol’s help; Kyungsoo was enrolled into the Go players association and assigned the “30- geup” rank, the lowest attainable rank for a Go beginner.
Kyungsoo too found out that Chanyeol despite being the same age, already held an amateur 7-dan rank; the highest rank for an amateur and just one below a professional. Chanyeol was the youngest person to hold that rank so far in the country.
Due to having two working parents and to cut costs on daycare, Chanyeol was sent to play Go at the association after schooling hours since preschool where his mother’s friend worked at.
Chanyeol proved to be gifted at Go and from a pastime, it became Chanyeol’s life.
Soon enough, he was beating people old enough to be his parent and gaining traction as the youngest soon to be a professional player in the country.
But even during the Go association meetings and the school clubs meetups; where all the attention of the other players was on Chanyeol for being a gifted prodigy, Chanyeol always made Kyungsoo a priority too and never made him feel left out in such a new place.
Kyungsoo felt proud and felt so important to someone, that being Chanyeol. Sure, Kyungsoo’s family treated him well but somehow it felt so good to be treated like he meant something to one more person.
In the summer break of Kyungsoo’s first year in high school; Chanyeol brought over a board and Go pieces to his house and spent almost every day of the holiday there, teaching Kyungsoo the tactics and strategy of how to play Go, better.
Chanyeol spent so much time over at Kyungsoo’s that his mother even prepared a spare pillow and blanket because Chanyeol often ended up sleeping over.
The only times when Chanyeol did not come over was when he had to attend official matches that would determine his rank promotions.
Chanyeol always texted Kyungsoo after the match and most of the time, he won.
Kyungsoo had fond memories of that summer; playing Go under the window in his living room in the humid and sweaty weather, wearing baggy t-shirts and shorts while fanning themselves with a paper fan and the loser having to buy popsicles for the other.
Chanyeol almost always won though but ended up sharing half the popsicle with Kyungsoo later on as they sang along to folk songs in the night summer sky on the way back from the local convenience store.
One winter on the way back from school, Chanyeol was quieter than usual and for once, he wasn’t talking about Go.
Instead, Chanyeol talked about something else he never even touched on.
“Kyungsoo, we’ll be in our second year in less than two months. Have you thought about what you wanted to pursue after high school?” Chanyeol questioned, breath forming mist in the cold air.
“I thought about becoming a doctor. I’ll need good grades for that,” Kyungsoo replied, rubbing his gloved hands together for more warmth.
“That’s a lot of studying isn’t it,” Chanyeol noted.
“Yeah, the third year is going to be one hell of a ride because of university placement exams,” Kyungsoo sighed, pushing up his glasses on the bridge of his nose.
“There’s something I wanted to tell you about. I actually am being sponsored by the Association to move to Japan and train under a master there so I can become a professional player,” Chanyeol expressed, looking towards Kyungsoo as if asking for the confirmation.
“That’s good! Isn’t that what you always wanted?”, Kyungsoo almost leaped in joy on the snow. “I am so happy for you, Chanyeol! I can’t even dream of being in your place.”
“Yeah…” Chanyeol paused, stopping in his tracks, “It is sort of but if I do, that means playing Go is all I will do for the rest of my life. I’m not sure if that’s what I want to do. I never felt like I had a choice. I was just good at it and I just went along with it. I don’t know, Kyungsoo.”
“Hey”, Kyungsoo patted Chanyeol on the back. “I believe in you. As your friend, I will support you in whichever you choose to do. I say, do what you love.”
Pulling up the straps on his backpack, Chanyeol replied cheekily, “But I love being here with you. How about that?”
“I suck at Go though. I think you might deteriorate being around me,” Kyungsoo joked.
Chanyeol laughed so hard until he slipped on the snow and landed on his butt, laughing even harder. Kyungsoo had tried helping Chanyeol get up but only ended up falling on Chanyeol on the snow, as they both laughed it off.
This was good indeed and Kyungsoo would have wanted Chanyeol to stay but he knew that the world out there was a better place for someone like Chanyeol.
A month and a half later, Kyungsoo found himself helping pack Chanyeol’s stuff into boxes before the move.
They were mostly packing clothes and personal items that would be needed on a daily basis. Chanyeol decided to leave behind most of his books on Go strategies and guides to Kyungsoo.
“Here, this one is good for you,” Chanyeol grinned, holding up a book in front of Kyungsoo. “You take this one.”
“Beginner’s guide to Go. Suitable for ages five to seven,” Kyungsoo pressed his glasses closer to his face as he read the title. “Chanyeol, I’m sixteen now.”
“Well, just consider yourself a late beginner,” Chanyeol teased, putting the book in Kyungsoo’s hand.
“Fine”, Kyungsoo gave in, taking the book and putting it aside in another box full of belongings that Chanyeol had decided to give him which couldn’t be brought to Japan.
As Chanyeol added more things into the box for Kyungsoo to bring home, Kyungsoo couldn’t help but ask, “You’ll be staying there for a few years but it really looks like you’re moving permanently since you’re cleaning up your entire room. Don’t people leave some stuff behind at least?”
Chanyeol was bent over his drawer, cleaning it up, when he heard Kyungsoo question him. Chanyeol’s lips formed a thin smile as he turned around to face Kyungsoo and sit on the floor from him.
“The truth is, I won’t be coming back here again…I think.” Chanyeol revealed.
“Why not?” Kyungsoo questioned, somewhat taken aback. “What’s wrong?”
Chanyeol lowered his head and he really sounded like he was about to cry, “My parents are getting a divorce. My father met another woman and he’s going to marry her once this divorce is finalized. My mother is moving back to her hometown in the village with my elder sister and I won’t be able to play Go there so moving to Japan is my only chance at taking a shot in becoming a professional player.”
Kyungsoo instantly leaped forward and embraced Chanyeol in a hug, “It’s okay. I know you’ll get through it. You’re smarter and braver than me after all.”
“I hope so,” Chanyeol hugged Kyungsoo back. “We’ll stay in contact, won’t we? I might be able to come back for the summer once every two years if my mother can afford the ticket or I’ll row a boat to get back here.”
Kyungsoo chuckled lightly at Chanyeol’s joke. “Be careful though. They might mistake you as a North Korean boat.”
Chanyeol left Kyungsoo his prized possession; his Go board and stone pieces on top of all the things that Kyungsoo got from Chanyeol.
Kyungsoo cried at the airport when seeing Chanyeol off. Chanyeol was the one who wiped away Kyungsoo’s tears with his sleeve and told Kyungsoo to always be confident and keep his chin up.
Chanyeol did look like he might cry but for Kyungsoo’s sake, he held back his tears because he didn’t want his best friend to be any sadder than he was.
After Chanyeol’s move; Kyungsoo kept in touch pretty often, texting on his old flip phone at a time when cellphones plans didn’t come with free texting and international texting still cost a lot.
Personal computers weren’t a thing either in Kyungsoo’s household and he had to save up his weekly allowance to go to an internet café and write an email to Chanyeol.
They talked normal things a teenager would from school to hobbies and activities.
Thanks to Chanyeol who helped Kyungsoo make friends in school, Kyungsoo was hardly alone without Chanyeol. He soon found new friends although they were more interested in studying than playing Go.
Kyungsoo dropped out of the Go club because his new friends were in other clubs and he wanted to be there instead.
Soon, Kyungsoo too stopped going to the Go player’s association meeting because it was quite a way’s worth from where he lived and cram classes began taking most of his time.
The competition to get into university was tough and getting into medical school was tougher. Kyungsoo knew he had to be not just the best but the best of the best too.
There was no time for Go anymore. He wasn’t good at Go anyway like Chanyeol. He couldn’t make a career out of it like Chanyeol and Go wasn’t going to get him into medical school.
Soon, Go became a thing of the past too and the board gifted to him by Chanyeol continued to lie under his bed collecting dust.
In his third year, Kyungsoo was promoted to the best class in his school and began taking studying more seriously.
Kyungsoo spent almost every free hour where he was awake to study, attend cram classes and tuition for his entrance exams.
His pocket money was spent on other things like books and extra train fares to get to cram classes and back.
From texting and emailing each other almost every day; it dropped to once a week, then a few times a month and soon Kyungsoo found himself replying to Chanyeol once every other month if he remembered to.
Little by little, Kyungsoo began to fall out of contact with Chanyeol.
One night before his big exams, Kyungsoo had stayed up to study when he received a text message notification from Chanyeol.
Sighing to himself and muttering, “What does he want now?”, Kyungsoo picked up his old red flip phone and read the message sent to him by Chanyeol.
Chanyeol: Good luck for your exams tomorrow. I know you can do it! Fighting! I have a match tomorrow too for class promotion. Wish me luck :)
Kyungsoo was more annoyed than happy to receive that message because he felt self-centered in that pressuring moment.
Chanyeol was good at Go. He would probably win anyway. Why did he need to be wished for luck? Chanyeol had it easy, Kyungsoo thought.
If anything, it was Kyungsoo who believed that he needed all the luck he could get.
Kyungsoo ranked at the top five percent in the nation for his year and managed to get into the first medical school of his choice even though he was the second last pick on the list of students who were accepted into the program.
After entering college; Kyungsoo’s parents too decided to move to a town closer where his elder brother worked at while Kyungsoo himself lived in the dormitories, only returning to his parent’s for the holidays.
Kyungsoo changed phone numbers and with the change of addresses, all contact with Chanyeol was ultimately lost.
After six years of medical school, Kyungsoo served his two years in the military as a medical officer before being discharged once his conscription period was over and continuing his residency in a civilian hospital.
For Kyungsoo, all the eight years after high school flew by without even hearing a word from Chanyeol.
Once Kyungsoo was serving in the civilian hospital he was now attached to, he was acquainted with Sehun; a nurse, whom he found playing Go in the break room.
Kyungsoo pointed out to Sehun that he used to play Go back in high school and for the first time in a long time, Kyungsoo actually thought of Chanyeol.
Sehun was a member of the Go player’s association which Kyungsoo used to be a member of too. With Sehun’s encouragement, Kyungsoo got back to the association and back into playing Go.
By then, Chanyeol was already a professional player and his face was plastered on the wall of honorable members of the association. Chanyeol was primarily active in Japan where he trained, although he did attend matches back home in South Korea.
Kyungsoo fished out the old Go board that Chanyeol had gifted him, which he had kept hidden at the back of his spare closet since moving to his current apartment after completing his military service.
Kyungsoo kept up with the news on Go matches and it was no surprise that Chanyeol appeared in a lot of them especially when he was winning most of his title matches with an almost perfect winning streak.
Everyone in the association talked about Chanyeol and wanted to be successful like Chanyeol. Chanyeol was obviously top of his game. There was no article written on Chanyeol that wasn’t accompanied by praise.
Chanyeol was called a genius, a prodigy, and a star.
There were a lot of times where Kyungsoo wanted to write a letter to Chanyeol’s address in Japan, which he got from Sehun thanks to him being the nephew of the Go association’s president who had all the players' contact information.
But Kyungsoo didn’t know where to start especially after all these years. Kyungsoo felt bad for the lost of contact, which he believed was his fault.
What would he say? How would Chanyeol react? More importantly, Kyungsoo wondered if Chanyeol even wanted to talk to him after all the years they spent apart.
Kyungsoo was honestly scared of the reaction from Chanyeol.
Maybe Chanyeol didn’t care about it anymore, Kyungsoo thought.
Chanyeol was a now rich and successful Go player who was idolized and adored by many people around the world. Chanyeol was a star indeed, like how the news and articles described him to be.
Meanwhile, now nearing his thirties, Kyungsoo was starting out again in the bottom rank of Go players where almost all the players in his age bracket were elementary school students.
Kyungsoo was here at the bottom while Chanyeol was the star high up above in the sky and out of reach.
But it wasn’t the star that Kyungsoo wanted; Kyungsoo just wanted his old friend back.
Kyungsoo only blamed himself for that.
After some time, Kyungsoo finally told Sehun that he was an old friend of Chanyeol and how bad he wanted to apologize and make amends to Chanyeol.
Now that Chanyeol was scheduled to play in a tournament in Seoul; Sehun made sure to inform Kyungsoo of it, and even invited Kyungsoo along to watch the match as a member of the staff of the association, even though Kyungsoo’s rank was still too low to be elected a Go association’s staff.
Kyungsoo was now peering behind the curtain from behind the stage, having arrived at the tournament hall after the train ride from work.
Sehun had taken the few days off to act as a staff member during the match and too joined Kyungsoo, peering from behind the curtains to silently observe the matches currently ongoing.
“I double checked the match lists and Park Chanyeol is actually going to play tomorrow. He already won his match earlier this morning so he’s advancing to the next stage,” Sehun informed, whispering.
“Is his match in the morning? I’m free in the morning but I’m on call later tomorrow evening,” Kyungsoo whispered back.
“Yeah, it’s in the morning. He’ll be swarmed by the press and the other players who want to talk to him though so I’m not sure if you can get to talk to him.” Sehun further informed.
“That’s alright. I can watch some live matches at least while I’m here. It’s good to see how the professionals play. I can learn a thing or two from that,” Kyungsoo mentioned.
“Sure then. Just show the pass I gave you if anyone asks who you are and why you’re backstage,” Sehun advised.
“I owe you a drink after this. Let me know when you’re free. It’s my treat,” Kyungsoo offered in gratitude, hushing to Sehun just before the latter left to perform his staff duties.
“You’re buying me a drink? Now, that’s new,” Sehun snickered, “Thanks though. I’ll let you know, maybe in a few days once this tournament is over.”
Kyungsoo had to make a mental note to make sure he remembered to bring Sehun out for a drink as promised. Kyungsoo didn’t want to forget this time because he felt like he had forgotten Chanyeol all these years.
Kyungsoo didn’t have many friends now because he had spent his years chasing his own goals and career, completely forgetting everyone else. He regretted that now and Kyungsoo didn’t want to repeat the same mistake again.
Kyungsoo knew that he probably could never make it up to Chanyeol for all these years, and thinking that Chanyeol probably didn’t even care for it either.
After all, why would a star like Chanyeol care about someone Kyungsoo?
Kyungsoo left early, even before the matches for the tournaments day were officially over since he was trying to avoid the rush hour crowd. It did not rain after all and Kyungsoo swung his umbrella around as he hummed a tune while walking to the subway station to get a train home.
At a crossroad, Kyungsoo waited for the green pedestrian light before crossing as he continued humming the tune.
Through the passing traffic, Kyungsoo looked up ahead and waiting at the other side of the road for the green light to cross was Chanyeol.
Kyungsoo thought his eyes were deceiving him at first. It had been over ten years since he last saw Chanyeol in person. Chanyeol would surely look different from back then but Kyungsoo recognized Chanyeol from the pictures on the news and hanging on the wall of the association’s building.
There Chanyeol was, wearing a grey suit and holding a briefcase in his hand as he looked puzzled and tried to read out a piece of paper in his hand.
When the light for the vehicle traffic turned red, and green for the pedestrians; Chanyeol, who had not noticed Kyungsoo yet instead walked off rather than cross the street.
Kyungsoo quickly ran on the zebra crossing to the other side of the street and chased after Chanyeol with the umbrella tucked under his armpit.
Chanyeol was way ahead of Kyungsoo and then turned to enter a restaurant. Seeing Chanyeol enter the restaurant and assuming he didn’t need to run anymore, Kyungsoo leaned against the wall of a shop as he tried to catch his breath.
So he had finally found Chanyeol. All Kyungsoo had to do was enter the restaurant, find Chanyeol and talk to him.
But what was he going to say to Chanyeol now? How was he going to start the conversation? What if Chanyeol didn’t want to see him after all?
After a while of self-contemplation, Kyungsoo braved himself to enter the restaurant where a waitress greeted him and offered to take his umbrella.
Kyungsoo was just about to decline her offer when he saw Chanyeol standing at the cashier counter, looking at the takeout menu with his wallet open in his hands.
The girl behind the counter looked puzzled as she tried talking to Chanyeol but he simply kept staring at the menu laid out on the counter.
Now, a man who looked like the manager came out and was trying to talk to Chanyeol but all he did was continue to stare at the menu as they kept asking Chanyeol what he wanted to eat.
Chanyeol looked rather blank and lost. Kyungsoo couldn’t help but notice how Chanyeol was trembling.
It didn’t take a genius to know that Chanyeol was scared and uncomfortable.
“Maybe he’s deaf? Should we write it down?” Kyungsoo heard a waitress tell the manager.
“Sir, can you hear me?” The manager reiterated, speaking louder and enunciating.
“Is he really alright?” Kyungsoo heard more whispers from the staff.
Kyungsoo couldn’t stand the sight of it anymore and walked up to Chanyeol, tapping his hand on the shoulder of his taller friend.
“Chanyeol!” Kyungsoo called out. “It’s me. Do Kyungsoo from high school. Do you remember me? Are you alright? Do you need any help?”
Chanyeol jumped when Kyungsoo tapped him on the shoulder, startling everyone in the vicinity.
Still holding the wallet with both of his hands in front of him, Chanyeol turned around to look towards Kyungsoo.
Chanyeol’s mouth hung open but only stuttering sounds came out.
“I think he’s mute,” The manager was overheard telling the girl behind the cashier.
“Chanyeol, are you alright?” Kyungsoo began to feel concerned about Chanyeol’s “different” behavior.
Chanyeol closed his mouth and his lips turned upward to form a gentle smile that Kyungsoo missed so much.
“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol rasped, whispering Kyungsoo’s name.