Chapter Text
- Soldier loves his tiny boyfriend dearly:
“You call me tiny one more time, doll, I’m gonna boot you onto the couch tonight.”
“Can’t do much with those little legs, bite-size.”
“You’re grounded.”
- The two celebrate the Fourth of July together with a big barbecue. Jane setting off fireworks in their yard:
“Jane, the roof is on fire again.”
“On fire with PATRIOTISM!”
“Right, right, Hun, the fire brigade has our phone numbers and knows us by first name.”
- The Soldier brings home various woodland critters just because he can:
“Jane, why’s there a raccoon sleeping in the cupboard?”
“He is not ‘a raccoon’ he is our child and his name is Jane Jr.”
“... ‘kay, darlin’, whatever suits ya.”
- The Soldier cannot cook and requires the Engineer’s assistance:
“Look, hun, there’s a reason I’m the cook.”
“But—“
“You burnt a hole in my favourite potholder, you’re banned from touching the stove.”
- The Engineer likes to drag his tall boyfriend places like bookstores:
“De–ell.”
“Quit your bellyaching, Jane. Knowledge is power.”
“Uuuuugh.”
—Likewise, the Soldier likes to take the Engineer out to car shows:
“Oh my god, is that a 1970 Chevrolet Chevelle SS 454 LS-6?”
“Um... I guess.”
- The two of them enjoy musicals, though the Soldier more so than the Engineer:
“... You can be my best friend
I can be your right arm
We'll go through a fight or two—
No harm, no harm...”
“... Jane, you’re so goddamn perfect.”
- Dancing can either be a messy business, or the sweetest thing ever:
“Jane, if you dip me one more time and I hit my head on the countertop again, I’ll kill ya.”
“Relax, I only did it three times.”
“A fourth time and I’m kicking you in the pants and leaving you to die.”
— When it’s sweet:
“You act like a big ole moron, but you’re light on your feet, ain’tcha?”
- When going out, sometimes neither of them knows where they’re going and Soldier is too stubborn to ask for help:
“Dadgummit, Jane, we’ve passed this corner about five times now, you sure you know where we’re headed?”
“I don’t need directions.”
“I didn’t say that, but that’s some mighty specific denial, ya dummy.”
- Cuddling. Just cuddling:
“Jane, you‘re my blanket now.”
“Can I be the big spoon at least?”
“Keep dreamin’, rocket-man.”
- When out to eat, the Soldier is often far too indecisive:
“For the love of God and all that is holy, Jane, pick something.”
“Hold on, I’m thinking.”
“You’ve been thinking for half an hour, doll, start choosing.”
- Dressing up for a special occasion is usually pushed by the Engineer, who enjoys his special someone looking dapper:
“Y’all oughtta dress up more, Janie, you got a pretty behind in them slacks.”
“And you never told me?!”
— However, the Engineer can sometimes be too overzealous in looking good for occasions:
“Black jacket, Jane, not Navy. Where is your tie? Your hair is a mess and you haven’t shaved, Mister.”
“It’s business casual, Dell.”
“Don’t sass me, darl’. I am not wearing a Hawaiian shirt and jeans to the work party.”
- Arguments can be loud but are usually none too bad:
“I can deal with the raccoons, the drilling, the hourly exercises—but I if catch you goin’ through my workshop again you’re losing some fingers.”
“But I needed a screwdriver.”
“You heard me, Mister Doe, you ask before you touch anything in my workshop, buddy.”
- Out of the two of them, the Soldier is the most likely to express PDA and smother his boy in adoration, much to the Engineer’s mortification:
“Everyone,”
“Hun, sit down, please—“
“This is my significant other, he is small, he is smart, and he is the best cuddle buddy ever.”
“Oh my god, you’re mighty sweet ‘n’ all but please get down off the table...”
— The Engineer can sometimes show his own quiet brand of PDA. It makes the Soldier melt with how saccharine it is:
“I would have preferred you made a bigger show...”
“O’ course you would, hun. But until then, let’s just hold hands, right?”
- Out of the two of them, the Engineer is the one who’s a stickler about cleanliness and cannot stand messes:
“Jane, we are doing spring cleaning this year and we’re doin’ it right.”
“Okay, okay... can I wear the apron?”
“If it’ll get you to mop the kitchen floor, then fine, go ahead.”
- At work, it is usually all business but sometimes nicknames slip out:
“Yo, did you just call the Engie ‘sweetie’?”
“Private, do not put words in my mouth... but yes, I did.”
— The Engineer is not exempt from misspeaking:
“Aye, did you refer tae the Soldier as ‘charmer’?”
“Shush.”
- Both of them enjoy gun shows but often get into squabbles about the better firearms:
“Jane, I hate to disagree with ya, but the obvious choice is the Remington Model 1100.”
“Excuse me, no sir, the Winchester Model 1200 is clearly the better call.”
“Boy, I’ll fight you.”
- The Engineer prides himself in being very traditional:
“So one question, Dell.”
“Yes?”
“Is the white picket fence really necessary?”
“Yes.”
- The Engineer tends to play mediator if his babe gets too worked up:
“Dell, I’m about two seconds from ramming my boot up his ass.”
“Shhh, doll, let’s go get a drink, okay, and we’ll smooth it over.”
— But sometimes the Engineer just isn’t having it:
“Look, I’mma be square with ya, bozo, you make one more smart remark and I’m gonna have ta get mean.”
“... you go, hun.”
- The Engineer is a blanket hog and the Soldier is a bed hog:
“You look so tired, Dell, what’s wrong?”
“You kicked me out of bed five times so I slept in the truck.”
“Oh.”
“And I took all the blankets with me, too.”
- The Engineer is the biggest workaholic out of both of them:
“Dell, come to bed, you’ve been at this all night.”
“I know.”
- Being sick, the Soldier is the biggest child:
“Deeeellll,”
“I’m making your soup, what’s wrong?”
“Can you kiss me better?”
“You just wanna get me sick, darl’.”
“But sharing is caring.”
— The Engineer is the opposite, being as active as ever but obviously suffering:
“You’re shivering.”
“I-I’m okay, just fine. I just have to fix the microwave and—“
“Hell no, you are going to lie down and I’ll fix the microwave.”
“Over. My. Dead. Body.”
- During heavy thunderstorms, they tend to like sticking close to one another:
“That there last thunder-strike sent you flying into my arms, you scared?”
“No, of course not.”
“That’s a shame.”
“Why?”
“I’d love the excuse of keeping ya safe from the lightning.”
- On days off, the two sometimes divide over their lazy day schedules:
“I don’t think that fixing the truck, painting the shed, and repairing the breakers is lazy-day appropriate.”
“You unwind your way, I unwind my way.”
- The Engineer is fond of playing music for the Soldier at times, whipping out the guitar just so he can properly serenade him:
“—Ooh, baby, when I see your face
Mellow as the month of May
Oh, darling, I can't stand it
When you look at me that way, hey...!”
“I‘m so lucky.”