Work Text:
The screen showed Steve, a dark glint in his eye, slumped next to Tony’s unmoving body. He spoke in a low, dangerous voice, willing Tony to understand. Eventually he pushed his chair back and spat out a vindictive confession:
He loved you.
He loved you, and he admired you. Even when you fought.
Gazing at the screen, Yglott was stunned. “Hrnah! Come look at this!” he waved to his friend.
Hrnah flopped over, running a curious tendril across the console where Yglott sat.
“You’ll never believe what just happened. Steve told Tony that he loved him!”
Hrnah let out a burble of excitement. “No! Finally? That’s wonderful!”
“But,” Yglott’s eye stalks turned down despondently, “Steve is evil now. And Tony is in a coma, so he won’t remember any of this.”
Hrnah patted the console desolately with one tendril.
“They keep doing this, don’t they? Waiting until the other one is incapacitated or dead before they reveal their feelings.”
Yglott made a motion that could have been a shrug. “That’s humans for you. They do seem to thrive on indirect communication and poor emotional awareness.”
“But Steve and Tony,” Hrnah said with a slow exhale, “they’re even worse than most.”
Yglott wibbled in agreement, looking out over the starfield they were moving through. He and his shipmate had been following the activities of this particular pair of humans for quite some time now. It was their job, as overseers for the great T’knuc empire, to monitor the indigenous life forms in this sector - including those on Earth. Most of the broadcasts that they monitored were utterly pedestrian, but the antics of the so-called superheroes had proven most entertaining.
“Remember the last time this happened?” Yglott asked.
Hrnah burbled fondly. “Of course! Tony really laid it all out there, let Steve know exactly how he felt. When Steve came back to life, we were so hopeful that it would stick.”
The last time, it had been Tony who was sat by Steve’s body, angry tears rolling down his cheeks as he tried to justify his actions:
Guess they’ll have to learn to love me. You did.
The one thing I should have told you…
Yglott sighed at the memory. That had been his favorite update. “They never did work though it though, and it seems like this time won’t be any better. Unless…” He cocked one eye stalk cheekily. “We could help them out?”
“Yglott! You know we aren’t supposed to interfere with other species.” Hrnah jiggled uncomfortably.
He was technically correct, of course. Observing was one thing, but intervening in an alien culture was quite another. But if they didn’t act, they would have to watch this drama play out between these humans again, and again. There would never be a resolution.
“Enough is enough,” Yglott gurgled firmly. “It’s time we take action.”
Yglott peered through the observation window at their unwitting guests. The one called Steve had been the first to recover, presumably due to his enhanced physiology. He’d shaken off the relax-o-ray that they had used to subdue and transport him in record time and was looking around the room cautiously.
Yglott motioned to Hrnah to get the communications matrix ready, watching in fascination as Steve crawled over to the unconscious form of Tony and cradled him protectively.
Aww. The humans were squishing together. Bless.
“Tony,” Steve was saying in a low voice. “Wake up. I think we’ve been abducted by aliens!”
Tony sat up with a groan. “Great. Alien abduction. It must be a Thursday.”
“My communicator is down. Any bright ideas about how we can call the Avengers and let them know what happened?”
Oh dear. They couldn’t have other heroes locating them. They had already broken protocol by bringing the visitors to their ship, and more Earthers arriving could only mean trouble. They would have to begin the intervention now.
Yglott flicked a switch on the console to open the door to the observation room. As he wobbled through the doorway, he noticed that Tony’s eyes went wide with horror and Steve’s fingers twitched as if grasping for his shield.
Yglott tried not to take it personally. They were only humans, and they didn’t know any better. Still, his eye stalks turned down sadly. Primitive species were so judgemental about physical appearance.
“Greetings, friend humans!” he said to them brightly. Apparently the communication matrix was operating effectively, because instead of his usual dulcet lilting, a wheezing raspy sound was projected which the humans seemed to understand. At the sound of their Earth language, they relaxed fractionally.
“We are of the T’knuc empire. We come in peace.”
Yglott had heard that line in another transmission from Earth. It seemed apt.
“... Greetings?” Tony sounded uncertain.
Yglott burbled happily and waved through the window to Hrnah. Communication successful! “I am Yglott. My shipmate is Hrnah. We have important information for you.”
Steve leaned forward at that, snapping instantly into reconnaissance mode. “Is it Galactus?” he asked. “Kang? The Kree?”
Yglott gurgled in confusion. These names were unfamiliar - they must be from outside of his sector, and were therefore meaningless to him. “No,” he said as gently as he could in the strange human speech. “It is about yourselves. The two of you.”
Steve and Tony shared a bewildered glance.
“There is something that you need to see.”
The one thing I should have told you…
It wasn’t worth it.
The images of the older update faded to black. Steve and Tony looked away from the screen. It was hard to say who was more shaken.
Tony had gone a strange green color. Yglott hoped that he would not vomit - one of those human habits he tried to not be speciesist about but found most unpleasant.
Steve was staring at his hands and blinking back tears.
Neither of them said a word to each other. These obstinate humans. Would it kill them to flap their mouth holes for some meaningful purpose for once?
“There is more,” Yglott informed them. They both looked up with a mixture of terror and desperation.
Yglott flicked the screen to display the more recent update.
I know every thought he ever had about you.
He loved you. He loved you, and he admired you. Even when you fought.
The screen went blank and slid back into the console.
“I know this is confusing.” Yglott did his best to telegraph compassion. “I know neither of you remember any of this.”
Steve seemed to be considering hiding beneath his chair.
“We - Hrnah and I - we thought it was important that you see these updates. You needed to know.”
The oppressive silence continued. Yglott considered that perhaps his presence was making them uncomfortable. Perhaps they were questioning his motives?
“As members of the T’knuc empire, we promote unity,” he explained. “For all creatures. We seek harmony and togetherness. We wish for unity between you two.”
Tony and Steve glanced at each other meaningfully. This, at least, was progress.
“I will leave you to discuss this, and to find your unity.”
Yglott wobbled out of the room, satisfied at a job well done.
After that, the humans talked. They talked a lot, actually, and at quite some volume. For a species who didn’t have much of substance to say, they sure did use a lot of words.
Sounds of their commotion carried through the ship.
“You were dead, Steve. How did you expect me to cope?”
Yglott hummed contentedly. Uproar meant emotion, and through emotion came truth, and from truth came unity.
The shouting continued. “How could you ever forgive me for what that monster did in my name? With my face?”
There was more yelling, and then there was crying, and then there was both at the same time when Steve stood up with tears running down his face and bellowed, “I’ve been in love with you for years, Tony!”
Hrnah pressed one tendril to his buccal cavity in shock, and Yglott gasped in surprise. Could they really be making headway? For Steve to admit his feelings like this, that was big.
Yglott and Hrnah crowded around the screen to view the events in the observation room more closely.
“Steve -” Tony looked shaken to his core. “I never- I thought-” He gulped a deep breath. “I’ve loved you since the day we pulled you out of the ice. You’re everything I always wanted and never thought I could have.”
Wiping the tears from his eyes, Steve threw his arms and Tony and hugged him tight.
Yglott vibrated with gratification. At last! After so long, the humans had achieved unity. Perhaps now there could be harmony among the Earth heroes.
Next to him, Hrnah trilled joyfully. “Good job, Yglott. Our work here is done. Shall we return them to their planet now?”
Yglott started to enter the coordinates for Earth, but he noticed that the humans were still deep in conversation.
“Did you hear what they said?” Tony asked nervously. “They want us to find our unity.”
Steve scrunched his nose. “What on earth does that mean?”
Tony took a deep breath and averted his eyes. “We’re trapped here until we do what they want. I think- they want- Steve, I think we have to fuck.”
Steve’s eye widened. “You mean -- the aliens will make us do it?!”
Tony chewed a nail nervously. “This isn’t how I imagined our first time. But it’s the only way that we can get free.”
Steve paused for a moment and then nodded firmly. “For the good of the mission,” he said, stepping close to Tony, sliding a hand around the back of his neck, and kissing him deeply.
Outside the observation room, Hrnah looked at Yglott uncertainly. “They seem somewhat confused about our motives in bringing them here. Should we - ahh - say something?”
Yglott squinted. Steve had pulled Tony into his lap and they were making out as if their lives depending on it. Which, presumably, they thought they actually were.
Hrnah and Yglott observed for a few seconds more, glued to the screen. Steve’s arms went around Tony and tugged him closer, and Tony gasped expressively.
“It seems rude to interrupt,” Yglott decided eventually. “Especially when they are getting on so well.”
On the bridge, Yglott looked at Hrnah in embarrassment as the sounds of heavy panting emanated from the observation room.
“What are they doing now?” he asked, eye stalks bobbing incredulously.
“I believe the humans call it a blowie,” Hrnah explained. He had always been the scholar regarding Earth culture.
Yglott tilted his head. “A blow-ee? How strange.” The humans certainly seemed enthusiastically engaged: Tony was on his knees before Steve, who was thrashing and moaning with vigor. “They didn’t mention that in the updates.”
“No,” Hrnah agreed. “Too provocative for the updates, apparently.”
“Do you think they are nearing completion?”
Hrnah peered at the screen. “I think - ahh. I think they will be going for some time longer. Steve in particular seems to have considerable stamina.”
Yglott made a conscious effort not to shudder. “Yikes.”
“It should only be a few hours. Then we can return them to their home.”
“We’re going to need to do a full decontamination sweep of the observation room once they’re done.”
Hrnah shrugged. “That’s just how humans are. Lots of potential, but ever so sticky.”
Yglott sighed. “At least they found their unity. It really was about time.”