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After I had met up with Mickey and he had told me that he is heading to Mexico because he would not be save in the US while the US Marshall and Police are looking him. He gave me choice to come along with him or stay in Chicago and never see him again. Although I consider staying here for a minute but then I think about never seeing him again and I cannot do that either .
So I go up to my room and grab a duffle bag and my backpack but before I start packing draft a mail to quite my job to give them a chance to find replacement. I go into the bedroom and I rummage through the wardrobe trying to find my clothes because my brothers and I would always share our clothes it was little difficult. I pack up some t-shirt, short, trousers and underwear as well as a couple of hoodies and it seems like some of the clothes mixed in used to belong to Mickey so I am packing them as well.
In my backpack i put some food , water , my medication, money and a passport that i got when Fiona was still dating Jimmy/Steve who was a con man. I also grab my sleeping bag from when i used to do ROTC so in case we might need it.
Once I am standing in the kitchen a wave of sadness hits me because I am about to leave my childhood home and even though it was tough growing up here i still have some good memories but nearly everyone in my family is moving on and my mother just died last month so nothing is really keeping me here. The last thing that I put into my bag are a couple of pictures of my family , Mandy , V and Kev. Then I write a small letter to my family and friend to let them know that I am leaving with Mickey and and I am going to miss them. I also write that I am going to call them once everything has settled down.
I leave Letter on the Table and outside the House to close the door for the last time. As the sadness is wearing of and as I am heading to the meeting point I am feeling excited.
Once i could see the Mexican Boarder i started to get nervous and my thoughts starting spinning around my head faster and faster . I thought of all those scenarios where this could go wrong i will be left with nothing . All those what if’s and fear from all those years ago starting bubbling up. Even if me and Mickey make it over the boarder and we stay together all the other unpredictable variables that make me fear the future such Mickey being arrested again, us not being happy or generally something bad happening. I do not notice that we are getting closer and closer to the boarder and the checkpoint because i am so deep in my thoughts.
Mickey calling my name is bringing me back and i look at him and he asks me “ Ian are you ok? “ “ I am not sure . Do we have a plan or something ? Also what if something happens to you or they somehow arrest you again or bring you back to Prison. “ Fuck Ian , please stay with me. I told you before that i do not blurt out my feelings at every fucking second but i also told that what we have makes us free . So please come with me because now we do not have the Southside or Terry or anyone giving us shit.” “ Shit Mickey, i will not leave you but i just got caught up in my thoughts . Sometimes i think you coming back is just one big dream and also since my diagnosis i do not trust my own judgment. Since i do not always trust myself and i would rely on my family to be there for me but they only see my Mom Monica . You are the only Family that i need and we managed to get through all the shit that has happened over the years.” I see how there is a blinding smile and even a stray teardrop which he quickly wipe away and i lean over to him and kiss his cheek.
Now that i voiced my thoughts i felt much more optimistic and i could see that we could really have something . Now that we finally had crossed the boarder i felt a weight being lifted of my shoulders and i could also see that Mickey started to relax. “ Mick , what is the plan now?” “ Let’s drive a little further and then we will get a Motel room and i can phone up my contacts to help us get set up. “ That sounds good also we should pick up some food and stuff.”
I keep thinking about freedom and happiness that we could find here together and it was making me a little lightheaded and i wanted some music that matched my new mood. So i started to fidel with the radio and i stop when i hear I gotta be by Des’ree. I have not heard that song is such a long time and it brings a small smile to my face and i cannot resist the urge to start singing along to it. Half way through the song i look over to Mickey who is looking at me with a teasing raised eyebrow. “ What Mick? do you have something to say ?” No, not at all Gallagher , continue.” I start singing again but this time i am going totally over the top and encrouching in Mickey’s space. He pretends like he is annoyed with me but i can see the small smile that even is reflected in his eyes. This sight makes me so happy and so i lean in closer and kiss him. We drive for a little longer and then we take the exit from the highway to a Motel. At the Motel we get a room and drop our things off and then go to the near by supermarket to get some things for dinner and breakfast on the next day. So we enter the Mexican Supermarket and i see how Mickey is going towards the yogurt and such section where he is looking for Jello. This was makes me actually laugh out loud because i missed this and him soo much and i really like this new found balance between us.