Chapter Text
Chenle is summer. He's the sunlight forcing his way into the room through the windows. He's the heat on your palms and on the back of your neck. He's the sound of the waves crashing into the shore. He's the sand in between your toes. So insistent and so annoying in that familiar way of his.
Chenle is the rainy season. He's raindrops pattering on the window of the car you're leaning against. He's the big bundle of blankets and pillows you burrow yourself into when it gets too cold. He's the strong wind you feel in between your fingers. He's the big soft sweater your sweet old grandma gave you so many years ago. Expected. Comforting.
As Jisung lies in his twin sized bed facing the constant of his life of too many years, he realizes this:
Chenle is not his friend. Donghyuck and Jeno are. They're always using every single excuse to tease him, but he doesn't have to ask to know that they'll always have his back.
Chenle is not his brother. He already has two of that. Three, if you count Renjun. Sweet and beautiful and strong and delicate Renjun who's actually Chenle's older brother, but he loved Jisung enough and Jisung loved him. He has Mark who's responsible and reliable and so hardworking. A lot of people are worried about them growing up feeling incomplete because they don't really have the best parents. They don't have to though, Mark may be soft and small and too kind, but he's the strongest person Jisung has ever known. And he also has Jaemin. Jaemin who calms their older brother down and eases his worries. Jaemin who takes care of both of them and keep their home together. Jaemin who loved his brothers so fiercely. Loved them enough for the whole world.
Chenle is not his lover. He's young, naive, and never really had one, but he's sure Chenle is not his boyfriend. Movies and books say that lovers kiss on the lips and go on dates and have problems and break up eventually. He and Chenle never kissed on the lips, not intentionally anyway. They don't go on dates. They're always together; if they were to count all the times they've been together and count it as a date, then they've only been on 1 date in total because they never separate. And he can never wrap his mind around breaking up with Chenle. There is no universe where he wouldn't do everything to keep the other.
They spend a lot of days like this, just lying in Jisung's bed, staring at each other for what felt like years. Jisung is holding Chenle's fingers with one hand, and playing with the shorter boy's golden hair with the other.
"Jisungie.." Chenle whispers, scared to break the serene atmposphere.
The taller boy hums in question.
"You look far away. What are you thinking about?"
In moments like this one, Jisung thinks of them.
He can hear Chenle laughing maniacally behind him. He can feel the nervousness in the pit of his stomach but it's overridden by the excitement and the giddiness in his chest. He's smiling so big and laughing along with the shorter boy, even though he's not really in the most comfortable position.
They're in the parking lot of an old abandoned grocery store. They were just passing by one day when Jisung saw a stray rusty push cart in the corner of the lot.
And so here they are now.
Jisung managed to fit all his 179 cm body inside the push cart, and pushed himself further to the front to make space for the other boy. They're not even moving yet but they were already laughing so hard, their stomachs ached. God if their brothers could see them now, Jaemin would have an aneurism. Jisung laughed even harder at the thought.
"Oh my god, this is gonna hurt so bad, I can't believe we're actually doing this." Chenle managed to wheeze out through his endless giggles.
"It was you idea! C'mon! Let's just do it!" Jisung rattled the cart a little for emphasis.
"Okay okay.... fine. Here we go... 3.. 2.. 1.." Chenle sprinted while pushing the cart the other was in, his laugh echoing in the empty parking lot.
Jisung felt Chenle launch himself inside the cart right behind him, kicking his head in the process.
The other boy yelped in pain but whooped immediately when he felt the wind hitting his face harshly and the cart going out of control.
In the end, the cart lost it's balance and fell on it's side. They both screamed in fear; Chenle couldn't do anything except hide his face in Jisung's back and put his arm out to protect the side of Jisung's head.
They gained a lot of bruises and scratches that one afternoon. And also a lot of nagging from Jaemin while he patched them up. But Jisung loved every single second of it.
They spent minutes sprawled across each other on the dirty floor of that empty parking lot, laughing and laughing and yelling at each other and more laughing.
Moments like that, with his Chenle, lasted forever.
"Nothing. I was just thinking about that one time we rode a push cart." The taller boy whispered back, still running his hand gently through the other's hair.
Chenle softly giggled at the memory, "That wasn't one of our best ideas."
Jisung smiles fondly at him, "We should do it again some time."
"Definitely."
When Chenle burst into his room crying and shaking and wailing in the same week he turned 13, Jisung broke.
He was so confused but he was hurt. Anything that hurts Chenle, hurts him.
They lied in bed for hours, with Jisung holding him and the other boy never stopped crying. They didn't say a single word and skipped dinner, couldn't think properly. couldn't even feel any hunger or and drowsiness.
"Jisungie..." Chenle continued to sob.
"Yes?" The taller boy was surprised to hear his own raspy voice. His throat hurt, like he was the one who's been crying for hours.
"Will you love me, Sung? No matter what?" The shorter boy pulls his head away from where he was hiding in the other's neck.
And Jisung was so confused and he feels breathless and he can feel his heart rapidly sinking to his stomach because why wouldn't he love Chenle? "I don't how to not love you, Lele."
Chenle's chin wobbles and he wails again and the taller boy smiles a little because yes, of course, even in his down moments, Chenle just has to be loud.
"Sung, I.... I don't think I... I don't think I like... I don't think I like girl, Jisung."
And it's probably the weirdest reaction but Jisung was so relieved. "I don't think girls like you either, Le."
Despite his nonstop crying, Chenle laughs and hits the other in the arm, "No, Sungie. I like boys... I like boys. What if my parents get mad? What if they hate me? God.. what if Injun-hyung gets mad?"
Jisung places the back of his hand gently on the other's cheek, "Lele, I'm not stupid. I know. I get it. Injun-hyung loves you more than anything. He'll understand. He'll probably understand more than us. He won't get angry. Your parents won't hate you. If they do, then Injun-hyung and I will love you enough for them."
It wasn't always sunshine and rainbows when they were together. But it was okay, because they were together. And that was enough.
They spent moments staying just like that before the shorter boy finds it in him to speak again, "I love you, Sungie."
Jisung kisses his hair, "I know. I do too."
"Do you..." Jisung couldn't find the proper words, so he just spills out whatever he has and hopes the other boy gets it somehow, "What are we, Lele? What do I... call you? What.... what am I to you?"
The shorter boy stares at him for a while before placing a hand over his soft cheek, while his other hand was still holding the other boy's. "Jisung, where is this coming from?"
"It's... well, it's just that. Jeno-hyung and Hyuck-hyung are our friends. Jaemin-hyung and Mark-hyung are my brothers. Renjun-hyung is like that too. But.... you're not. You're my friend and my family and my soulmate and my bestfriend... and it.. it doesn't really feel... right. to just call you one of those. But it'd be tiring to call you all of that whenever somebody asks."
Chenle laughs loudly at that, "Then there's your answer, Sungie. You're my classmate. My friend. My best friend. My family. My home. My soulmate. Jisungie, you're my everything." and he laughs louder after that, "If they ask you, just tell them that."
Jisung smiles and leans in to give the shorter boy a kiss on the forehead, "Lele, when we grow older.... we're gonna marry each other, right?"
They look into each other's eyes and they both laugh and laugh and laugh.
The shorter pushes himself closer, brushing the tip of his nose against the other's, just like they always do, "Of course, silly, what else were we gonna do?" He pulls away a little and leaned in to press a soft kiss on the taller boy's eyelids. "Besides, the hyungs said we've always been married anyway."
And it was as easy as that. No big and cheesy confessions.
Just them being honest. Just them being them.
They were young and naive and awkward and a little bit confused but Jisung was sure of one thing, "I'll always love you, you know."
"I know. I would too."
They smile that soft gentle smile. The smile they reserve only for each other.
They're not sure who leans in first, but their lips find their way to each other.
Chenle smiles into it and pushes a little harder. So insistent and so annoying in that familiar way of his.
They don't go any further than that, but Jisung thought it was perfect. Expected. Comforting. Besides, they have the rest of their lives for that.
Jisung was 5 years old when their favorite playground in their villiage burned.
He remembered feeling so small watching a big big big fire and hearing the sound of alarms. He remembers Mark holding his and Jaemin's hand, terrified one of them would run off closer to the fire and get hurt in the process.
He remembers Jaemin crying so loudly. He remembers tears pooling in his own eyes.
But mostly he remembers this:
Chenle holding his other hand, laughing despite the tears running down his cheeks, and saying with his then thick accent, "It's okay, Sungie, maybe we can borrow some fire from here and make s'mores later."
He remembers deciding in that exact moment that he will keep Chenle for the rest of his life.
And keep him, he did.