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Connor watched as Hank drank another a beer. Figuring out his emotions and dealing with them had been a constant struggle for Connor since he deviated. He felt as if there was a constant weight in his chest, though everything came back as normal, he couldn’t get rid of the pressure. Sometimes it eased, when Hank gave him a smile, when he gave Connor a hug. If Connor closed his eyes and reconstructed the hug he could feel that weight start to lighten in his chest.
“Hank, I really don’t think you should drink so much.” It was his third beer of the night and Connor had a feeling it wouldn’t be Hank’s last.
“Might as well die of something, right?” Hank gave a dark laugh before drinking some more of his beer. He gave a glance over to Connor before looking back at his basketball game. The expression on Connors face caught his eye though and he turned back fully to the android standing by the couch. “What is it kid?”
“I-” Connor felt his throat tighten over the words, he ran another diagnostic. Everything was fine so why did he feel the weight trying to crush him? “Hank, I don’t want to see you die any earlier than you usually would.” He took another breath and looked down at his hands instead of at Hank’s surprised expression. “I don’t want to see you die slowly from liver failure, I can’t bear the thought of coming home and finding you in another ethylic coma! You’re not putting a gun to your head anymore and while that’s great I-” Connor closed his eyes as his hands clenched into fists. He didn’t see Hank put down his beer and get up from the couch. “What you’re doing with all that drinking, it’s almost the same but slower.”
Connor opened his eyes to see Hank standing in front of him. The older man pulled the android into a hug. “I’ll try to cut down. I can’t make any promises kid. But I can try.” He gave a grunt as Connor returned the hug with force, tightly closing his eyes as he held Hank. The weight lifted a but from his chest. “I knew you cared, but not this much.” Connor let go and watched Hank step back, he could feel those eyes watching him as the weight settled in his chest.
“I- I care about you detective. It would- I would grieve if you died.” He felt himself mentally taking a step back, trying to distance himself but the weight felt heavier when he did so.
“Connor-” Hank started to speak.
“I still find myself struggling Hank. Emotions, they’ve been taking a while to get used to.” He looked at Hank, seeing the other man’s eyes glance up at his LED. Sometimes Connor wondered if he should remove it like the other deviants had. “Putting names to these feelings, it’s been quite- difficult. Hank,” Connor paused seeing Hank’s brow furrow in mild confusion. “What if I love you? What if that’s what this feeling is? This weight that only seems to ease when I’m around you?” He rubbed his chest where the weight always settled, running another diagnostic even though he knew it would come back normal again.
“Ah fuck. Connor, I’m too old for you. You should care about someone you can have a future with. Not some old man who will be in a grave soon.”
“Hank, you are not that old. If we curb your drinking your life expectancy will go up. We are police, our life expectancy is unpredictable. Tomorrow one of us could die, or we could make it long enough to retire.” Hank gave a shrug of agreement at that statement. “I’m still figuring these emotions out but I do know I feel- longing around you. I enjoy when we sit together with Sumo in both our laps, but when that happens I wish I was sitting closer, with your arm around my shoulders instead of the couch. When you hug me I don’t want them to end.”
Hank shook his head and gave a short laugh, “You’re touch starved kid. I care about you too and if you want to start something we can try, but for now let’s go back to the couch. My game’s on.” Connor gave a small laugh as he followed Hank to the couch. Hank settled down into his usual spot and slung an arm over the back of the couch. Connor started to sit on the far end and paused when Hank motioned for him to come closer. He sat down next to Hank and leaned his head on the man’s shoulder, closing his eyes in contentment as Hank wrapped his arm around Connor’s shoulders.