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The first time Derek Hale remembered hearing the song was when he was standing in his family's kitchen. He was barely 7 years old in footie pajamas watching his mother cook something that his memory tells him was savory and robust. She was always a big lover of lamb and the scent of it never fails to make Derek famished. He loved to watch her cook as she treated the meat and vegetables with delicate hands. The lights that shone in from the Christmas decorations outside created a glow around the woman he wouldn't have nearly as long as he needed.
"Have yourself a merry little Christmas Make the Yuletide gay From now on your troubles will be miles away"
Her voice was soft and demure, betraying the powerful stature that commanded any room she was in and from that day on he held the moment and the song close to his heart.
-----
Derek is used to getting the weird looks when he tells anyone what his favorite song is. Most people expect some sort of classic rock song with heavy guitar and thumping bass, but while he can enjoy that sort of music, when it comes to the one song that invokes anything beyond mild enjoyment it's "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"
It puts him right back in that kitchen so long ago filled with a sense of security he had been chasing ever since.
He's sitting with Scott over a lukewarm bowl of soup outside of Minneapolis on a hunt for a group of young betas causing havoc when the question is brought up and Derek is either too distracted or too tired to lie. It's only when the silence last more than 60 seconds that Derek looks up and he sees Scott smiling at him and he rolls his eyes.
"Don't" he warns.
"I didn't say anything!"
"Still, don't" and to his credit Scott doesn't ask him to tell the story of why the song means so much to him and for that he's grateful.
---
It's three years later and they've just buried Stiles from a death that seemed almost insulting after everything they had been through. His first year as a full-fledged agent and he's shot in the back by a suspect who is too high and too scared to even know who it was he was shooting at.
Derek knows that Scott can't be alone, but he won't try and put the burden of his grief on anyone else. Derek doesn't give him a choice as he drives him home and walks side by side to the front door. When Scott looks at him Derek doesn't let his gaze waver for one second and Scott pushes the key into the lock and opens the door, leaving Derek the option to follow or not.
Scott collapses into the nearest chair and doesn't move or speak for an hour. He doesn't even bother changing out of the black suit he spent two hours before the funeral trying to decide on the respectability of the white striped tie it came with.
Derek doesn't know why he tells Scott the story of his mother and the song and how hearing it makes him feel like a part of her is still here with him, but it’s all he has to offer and he was sure Scott heard enough platitudes to last a lifetime. Scott doesn't interrupt him once and after he's done Derek feels terrified that it had no effect. That Scott heard one of Derek's most personal moments and feels absolutely nothing.
It's only when Scott stands and wraps his arms around Derek's neck as tears fall freely that the fear lets go of his heart and Scott's soft "Thank You" makes Derek squeeze him tighter.
---
Grief is something that can’t be planned or reasoned with, but it can manifest into something one might not expect and for Derek it blindsided him completely.
That night had changed things between he and Scott. It was the night they shared their first kiss, which lead to their first date a month later, and now after another three years they stand in front of everyone they love pledging their lives to one another.
The sky is clear and it's the kind of June day that weddings were made for. He can see Scott's mother taking a million pictures despite a photographer being a couple feet away trying to get a good angle as the two newlyweds head to the center of the ballroom for their first dance.
Derek's arms stay around Scott's waist as he looks at the man and wonders how he was able to do enough good in this world to have the gift of getting to call Scott McCall-Hale his now and forever. He's so lost in thought he doesn't even hear the start of the song as he buries his face in Scott's neck. Only when confused murmurs from the guest surrounding them gets louder does he finally catch it.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas Let your heart be light From now on, our troubles will be out of sight Have yourself a merry little Christmas Make the Yuletide gay From now on, our troubles will be miles away Here we are as in olden days Happy golden days of yore Faithful friends who are dear to us Gather near to us once more Through the years we all will be together If the fates allow So hang a shining star upon the highest bough And have yourself a merry little Christmas now Have yourself a merry little Christmas Let your heart be light From now on, our troubles will be out of sight Have yourself a merry little Christmas Make the Yuletide gay From now on, our troubles will be miles away Here we are as in olden days Happy golden days of yore Faithful friends who are dear to us Gather near to us once more Through the years we all will be together If the fates allow So hang a shining star upon the highest bough And have yourself a merry little Christmas now
Scott wipes away a tear from Derek's cheek as the woman's voice fills the room and before the emotions can overtake Derek completely Scott kisses him and for the first time since that day when he was 7 and watching his mother sing he feels safe and complete.
"I love you so much" he tells Scott and rest his forehead against his husband's.
"I love you too baby"