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The rhythm of Abby’s heartbeat feels hollow, lonely in a world where his is frozen. Their hearts were always meant to beat together, and they had. It had taken a while, many months spent slowly slipping into perfect synchronicity but once they had clicked, from the very first moment he had seized her lips, she hadn’t lived a single moment to any other rhythm. Not until now.
He’s frozen in time and she’s getting older without him. It feels wrong in every possible way. She can’t even reach out to touch him, all she is allowed is a trembling hand against his coffin of glass. His body would be cold to the touch, she knows that, cold and without even the faintest trace of life, but oh how she wishes she could hold his hand in hers, brush her fingers through his hair, or press a kiss to his forehead. But he is too far away. Separated by a thin pane of glass and by every ticking moment of time that passes for her and not for him.
He is not lost yet. Hope is not lost yet, but by some cruel design of the universe to bring him back will also mean putting his life at risk. He’s frozen in time, not dead, but maybe he will be.
It’s her decision. One push of a button and his cells are woken up, brought back to a reality where his heart will beat and lungs will fill with air, where blood will flow and life can slip away so easily. She won’t let that happen. She can’t. She has endured too much - they have endured too much - to let this be the end. But when your entire future is balancing on the thin, rugged blade of a knife it’s hard not to feel utterly and completely powerless.
It’s hard not to hate yourself when you look down at your shaking hands not knowing if it’s lack of sleep, nerves, or remnants of your darkest days. It’s hard knowing that the person you need to be to save the man you love is not a person you can be in this moment. Because your mind is too frayed and your body too tired to do what needs to be done. And everything is only getting worse because nothing gets better while you’re in this world without him.
Rest evades her and is replaced, instead, by worries: What if I fail? What if he dies and it’s my fault? And without rest, it’s impossible to move forward. She's caught. Running in circles on a downward spiral.
She can fix this. In time she will. Stress and trauma and the remnants of addiction be damned. She can save him. Repay the favour for the countless times he’s saved her. This is what they do, save each other. It’s a tragic loop of falling down and helping each other back up but the quiet moments, the moments before the inevitable return to chaos and fear, make it worth it in the end. The moments when they’re not taking turns carrying each other’s burdens or fighting to stay alive are what drives them forward. Like a small taste of what life could be on the other side of the wars that keep finding them. And she believes in that life. With him, she believes in the possibility of that future.
Maybe on this new planet, they will have a chance. Earth was not the paradise Vera Kane dreamt of, but maybe this could be. A clean slate. Green forests and snow-capped mountains untouched by the darker parts of humanity. Maybe this time they can truly do better. Marcus needs to see that and she will make sure that he does.