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Illumi was wandering throughout the mansion hall, he couldn’t help but notice the deafening silence surrounding him. It wasn’t that unusual for the estate to be shrouded by silence, but it seemed more unbearable than before. While lost in his thoughts, Illumi suddenly stopped in front of a particular door. He didn’t know why his subconscious brought him here; even if the person who occupied this room was here, he wouldn’t have received a response either way. The room he continued to stare blankly at belonged to Killua, the reason for the suffocating silence.
Illumi didn’t know what possessed him to enter Killua’s room, but here he was standing beyond the door frame examining every corner of the room. He saw a multitude of those little figurines that come in the candy boxes he liked to buy. There was also a deck of cards that lay scattered on the floor along with its box. Despite his better judgment not to touch anything he picks up the box hearing something rattling in the empty box. Keeping his focus on the box and the state of his room; this must have been the last thing he did in this room before leaving for the Hunter’s Exam.
Killua must have snuck ‘her’ into his room and played games all while making a promise to rescue her! That thought alone stung Illumi. ‘Why Kil? Couldn’t you see he was a danger. Why choose someone like that over your family? Over me?’
“If Killua held you in such a high regard he would’ve stayed? But that doesn’t seem like that’s the case hm~.”
Another voice invaded his mind a voice he knew all too well, Hisoka.
“You believe once he’s gotten a taste of freedom, he’ll come realize what he’s meant to do. How wonderful his family truly is?”
“He will. Father and I trained an raised him to know the weight the Zoldyck name has. We alone have his best interest.”
“Oh Illu~ can’t you even be honest with yourself? He escaped your influence and when he returns home, he disregards you to save his sister. The one you cast aside. Is that what a perfect family would do?” Illumi could feel the presence of Hisoka’s smug smirk that he was the usual recipient of. He doesn’t know why he feels angry he would never let Hisoka’s words get to him before. Maybe because it’s his own subconscious goading him. Feeling like he’s back in his body Illumi noticed he was clutching onto something. Looking at his clenched fist he sees the edge of the card box crushed within his hand. What caught his attention was the now revealed card that was hidden from his sight in the box. Of all the cards that had to be in the box it was the Joker.
Just looking at the card he could envision those golden orbs that consistently looking for a new challenge, gelled up red hair like fire to solidify how dangerous he was, and then the ridiculous make up that he wore to complete his persona. Illumi never thought that this give and take relationship would still be as beneficial then when they first partnered up. Just like the Joker, Hisoka belonged to nothing and no one. Unlike Illumi who had everything and part of a family with prestige. Hisoka was a book that refused to divulge its contents; when he talked about his past it wasn’t worth remembering. The only thing consistent was that he only acknowledges the strong and lived off the thrill of the fight and denying them the victory. He would even go as far to keeping people live at the thought of hidden potential not yet awakened; another difference between them. Despite all the differences between them Illumi continued to lend aid even when there’s nothing in it for him, they’ve even been out casually. ‘What is about him that keeps me helping him out and vice versa?’
With his mind clouded by uncertainty he sets his sights back to the crushed card in his hand. Regaining back his focus the picture in his mind became clear, to stop more of the senseless thoughts of the clown. He would have to get rid of him with his own hands. That was something Hisoka always wanted an end by his hand, but Illumi wasn’t sure if that was something he wanted. The thought of killing Hisoka made his heart tighten, this strange feeling has emerged before when Killua made his choice on defending ‘her’. Why would such a feeling reveal its self for Hisoka? He wasn’t a Zoldyck he shouldn’t care about taking his life; he’s never cared before. Illumi tried to continue his thoughts on killing Hisoka the more his heart hurt. He didn’t want to admit to himself or to anyone that if Hisoka were to die he would feel alone; the only person outside the Zoldyck family that has a decent understanding of him. Someone he would call a friend-; Illumi didn’t dare finish that line of thought.
A Zoldyck has no need for friends. That word felt like gum that harden and it was stuck on his skin. If Illumi didn’t know any better he would think he’s been caught up in Bungee gum waiting to be released. The pink gum like texture turned into a black vortex surrounding him. No it was more accurate to say that he was caught in a blackhole and made no attempt to get out.