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Hal leaned against the doorway to the furniture store they were currently calling home. He watched as Ben changed shirts and noted that the hardened and discolored skin around his younger brother’s harness spikes had spread ever-so-slightly since he’d last seen him. It probably wasn’t enough for anyone else to notice, but he was obsessed with the spread… each millimeter was just that much closer that Ben was to death.
Hal had been furious with Ben back in Charleston when he’d refused to let them remove his spikes, even knowing that he probably wouldn’t live to see his twentieth birthday. Ben didn’t want to go back to being that asthmatic kid with little to no muscle tone that he was before, he seemed ashamed of how weak he was before, but Hal had always liked him just fine like that. He liked standing up for Ben when someone bullied him about being a book worm or a nerd; he liked protecting him from whatever bad life might throw Ben’s way. The world was so different now and he couldn’t protect anyone from anything… not really.
If anything, it was Ben that protected him now. Hal couldn’t deny that he liked some of the changes the harness had made to his brother; he liked that Ben was strong now, stronger than him, his muscles more defined. It was somehow… sexy. It was sort of weird to think of him like that, but it didn’t make it any less true.
Fingers snapped in front of his face. “Hey,” Ben said, amused look on his face. “What are you doing?”
“Thinking about you,” Hal replied truthfully.
“About me?” Ben seemed surprised. “What about me?”
Hal crossed his arms over his chest and smiled. “You went and changed on me again.”
Ben frowned. “How so?”
“You just look more grown up, more… like a man instead of my kid brother.”
“Thanks… I think.” Ben shook his head, chuckling a little. “And I am a man… dad said so.”
“Well, so long as dad said so,” Hal said playfully.
Ben lightly punched Hal in the arm. “When dad told you that you were a man, you were practically beaming for days, so don’t even…”
Hal held his hands up in surrender. “Yeah, I know, I know.” He sighed. “You just… I lose sight of you for one second and it seems like you change in the blink of an eye.”
The smile fell from Ben’s face. “If this is about the spikes again...”
“It’s not about the spikes.”
“…I’m not changing my mind! Not until we win this war. Besides, we don’t even have the machine any more; I couldn’t have them removed even if I wanted to.”
“It’s not about the spikes!” Hal insisted. Ben stared at him intently. “Alright, maybe it’s a little about the spikes.”
“Hal,” Ben began, warning in his tone.
“I’m not starting, alright… I just…” Hal stared at the linoleum floor and rubbed the toe of his boot over a scuff mark. “I missed you, alright. I didn’t know if you were alright, if Matt was alright, and I spent every day trying to remember what you looked like last time I saw you and it seemed like each day things just sorta started slipping away.”
Ben placed a hand on Hal’s shoulder and squeezed lightly. “I was worried about you too.”
Hal cupped the back of Ben’s neck in his hands and pressed their foreheads together. “In case you haven't figured it out yet, you’re everything to me Ben. Everything. You understand me?”
Ben stared into Hal’s eyes, trying to define the unknown mixture of emotions swirling around in them. He nodded after a moment, though he wasn’t completely sure that he did understand. “Yeah. You, dad, Matt, Lexi… you all mean the world to me.”
Hal’s eyes dropped to the floor again and he released Ben. “Yeah… we’re all we’ve got.”
Ben could now see that he had misinterpreted what Hal was trying to say. “We are… but that’s not what you meant, is it?”
Hal put on his best fake smile. “’Course it is. What else would I mean?”
“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking.”
“I, uh… I’ve gotta go find Tector. I’ll catch up with you later,” Hal said quickly, turning and walking away before Ben could stop him.
Ben stared after him feeling like a rift had just developed between them. It wasn’t the first time something like this had happened, probably wouldn’t be the last. There just always seemed to be this thing hanging in the air between them, this thing that they occasionally verged on, but never quite made it to. Things had been tenuous between them since their dad had left with Karen and the overlord that one night. He had the feeling that Hal had figured out what that thing was and was keeping the secret to himself. He really wished that Hal would just tell him already.
Upon their dad and Weaver’s orders, Hal, Ben, Tector and the berserkers left the sanctuary on a scouting mission. They split up not long after and Ben made sure that he was with Hal; he had to figure this thing out. The silence stretched on as Hal seemed determined not to look at him.
Ben sighed as they trekked through the woods. “Will you just tell me already?”
Hal barely spared him a glance. “Tell you what?”
“You know what.”
“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Ben grabbed Hal by the arm and forced Hal to face him. “Tell me.”
Hal forced one of his fake smiles. “There’s nothing to tell Ben.”
“We both know that’s a lie, now tell me!” Ben demanded. Hal shook his head and did his best to look anywhere but at Ben. “Please, just… just tell me what it is that you’ve been trying to tell me, but are apparently too afraid to actually say out loud. Every time I see you or speak to you, it’s like it’s just right there, and I want to know!”
Hal grabbed the front of Ben’s shirt and pulled him in close. He looked him in the eyes for a moment before pressing his lips to Ben’s. The kiss was over almost as quickly as it began. “There, now you know.” Hal let go of his shirt and turned away.
Ben was shocked, but it wore off quickly. He considered it for a moment before chuckling. Somehow that seemed to be the last piece of the puzzle, the one that made it all fit together. “So that’s what it was.”
Hal turned, giving Ben a cautious look. “What?” His expression turned to one of anger. “What, you think it’s funny?”
“Yes. I mean, no… it’s just… When the Espheni invaded, the world changed. And after you saved me from that hospital and my harness was removed, it seemed like something between us changed too. I figured it was me… I mean, the changes I went through are pretty obvious. Maybe some of it was me, but… I wasn’t expecting that.”
“Yeah, neither was I,” Hal muttered, turning away again.
“Will you look at me?” Ben asked, slightly annoyed.
Hal turned and looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “Just… hit me, yell at me… whatever you need to do.”
Ben nodded. “Okay.” He grabbed a fist full of Hal’s shirt and pulled him in for a kiss.
“I wasn’t expecting that,” Hal muttered against Ben’s lips.
Ben smiled. “Get used to it.”