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Falling Composure

Summary:

Leonard McCoy has been running himself dry trying to get all of his work done, and after two months, well, who can blame a man for crying? Luckily, Spock and Jim are there to make him feel better.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Leonard didn’t remember the last time he hadn’t slept for more than four hours at a time, and it was beginning to show. His composure was falling, and it was falling fast. He was either too tired to be snappy or so tired he would snap at everything that walked by. He had fallen asleep while reading his PADD too many times to be okay, and he was beginning to see stars in his vision when he stood up.

He couldn’t stop, though. If you were working on the Enterprise, you would know why. Being chief medical officer wasn’t something you could take days off for. He was constantly moving, fixing, writing reports. He had to be awake almost 24/7.

Jim had begun to notice, though, and Leonard was pretty sure Spock had caught on a small while before. Spock’s approach had been to remind him of when his shift ended, or he would try to make plans with him to drag him away from work, but Leonard refused to stop, thanking him every time, but refusing to indulge in any free time. Jim’s approach, however, was to try to annoy him until he gave in. It didn’t work either, though it was nice to feel Jim wrap his arms around Leonard every now and then as a persuasion method.

Leonard didn’t assume anything was that terrible, – as many creatures were able to only sleep for less than four hours a night without any health risks, though he was really just trying to downplay his symptoms – but he finally gave in after about two months of his sleep-deprived state.

The day had been an entire mess. The duplicator had been broken in his office, so he had to go to one of the lounges only to have Uhura talk to him for a good thirty minutes, wasting time he could have used to write reports. Then, when he made it back to the medbay, there were about five engineers who had gotten injured, though he didn’t care to listen to the reason, and he had slipped up three times on his work, which the nurses thankfully fixed.

But the one thing that had set it all off was when he was finally able to sit at his desk to do his work. He opened the files, began to type, and then everything crashed. His PADD malfunctioned, and he lost his past three files he had been working on. He couldn’t contain the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes, the sleep deprivation and anger boiling over until he was a blubbering mess. He pulled at his hair and wiped at his eyes continuously, trying to stop the mess he was becoming, when the door to his office slid open. He looked up to see Spock standing in the doorway, his mouth open like he was going to tell him something only to have stopped when he saw the doctor’s state.

“Leonard? Are you okay,” his voice was the same goddamn monotone voice he always had, but he could hear the little bit of curiosity and worry in his voice.

Leonard shook his head, wiping at his eyes again, but they wouldn’t stop coming. “Obviously not, you green-blooded hobgoblin.” And even though the words were inherently harsh, Spock knew they weren’t intended that way. They never really were.

Spock stepped forward, and the door shut behind him. “Do I need to get Jim,” he questioned, his voice growing softer.

Leonard shook his head again. “No, I don’t want him seeing me like this. I didn’t want you seeing me like this. I’m sorry.”

Spock took a deep inhale and moved forward to kneel down in front of Leonard. “It is most illogical for you to apologize at your emotional outburst. You have been pushing yourself for quite some time.”

Leonard let out a hoarse laugh, his tears beginning to slow down. “Never expected you to defend emotions before. That’s a new one.”

Spock’s eyebrow lifted high. “Well, it was illogical for you to push yourself in the first place, but the consequences were not something you could stop.” Leonard sighed, and Spock lifted one of his hands, lightly touching their first two fingers together at the tips. “We’ve been missing you. You’re never around when we are anymore. I’m afraid Jim was only a few days away from barging in here and dragging you out. I’ve been hearing him discuss a short shore leave for everyone.”

Leonard smiled a bit, and Spock’s other hand came up to wipe away the remaining tears. “Jim couldn’t move me if he tried, though shore leave would be nice. I wouldn’t mind having a break.”

“Then why didn’t you have one by yourself? You’re in here day and night. You only have one shift, but you work almost all three. “

“People are idiots on the ship. They don’t know how to take care of themselves, and the more injuries, the more work. You know Starfleet wants a report for everything.”

Spock nodded. “Well, come on, doctor. Your shift is over, and you are going to lay with Jim and me through the next two. No complaints allowed.”

“Not even one,” he groaned teasingly, a smile slowly filling his face as the two stood.

“Not even one. Come on.”

Spock led them out of the office, informing the head nurse that McCoy wouldn’t be back until his next shift on the way. The nurse had grinned happily and nodded, wishing Leonard a good time resting.

Leonard leaned on Spock the entire way back to the three’s shared room which was highly unusual for both of them. Their affection was rarely, if ever, displayed in public besides the subtle Vulcan kisses or standing just a bit too close together when they were walking around. But as Spock led the couple through the halls and up the turbolift, Leonard clung to him like Spock had his life in his hands.

The walk was long in his mind, but it was relatively short in short in distance, and soon, they were walking into their room. Leonard almost immediately fell onto the bed, relishing in the feeling of the bed. Oh, how he missed being able to relax in their bed.

He faintly recognized the sound of the shower running, and he smiled a bit at the thought of seeing Jim fresh out of the shower. That’s when Jim was always the most relaxed.

Leonard turned in the bed to face Spock who was standing by the replicator, making food. He could hear him ordering Jim and his favorite meals, and he made himself a cup of tea.

Leonard pulled himself up as he heard the shower shut off and Spock place the food on the table in the sitting area. He gingerly pulled his boots off of his feet, surprised he wasn’t asleep already. It was probably the excitement of being around them after so long, he told himself, and it was probably true.

He turned as the bathroom door opened, and Jim stopped in his tracks at seeing him. “Bones?”

He took a few steps forward, his hand clutching the towel to his waist. Leonard smiled. “Hey, I missed you.”

Jim’s face lit up, and a smile overtook his confusion. He strode over quickly and grabbed Leonard’s face, pulling him into a kiss that Leonard smiled into. As they pulled away, Jim kept his hands on Leonard’s face. “I missed you too. How long are you going to be here?”

“Until my next shift.”

Jim smiled again, and Leonard thought his heart might just stop right there.

However, their little moment was broken up by Spock. “As much as I hate to interrupt you, the food will get cold if you don’t put on your clothes and join us, Jim.”

Jim placed his hands on his hips and puffed out his chest jokingly. “You know you love the sight, Spock.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “Even though you are quite visually appealing, it does not take away from the physical properties of your food. Get dressed so you can come eat.”

Jim let out a loud laugh but complied, stepping over to the shared closet and throwing open the doors easily. “Would you like something better to wear, Bones,” he questioned as he pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a black t-shirt. The pants were the same color as his uniform with the Starfleet logo embroidered on the left-side pocket, and Leonard couldn’t think of a better thing to wear at the moment, so he nodded, and Jim threw the clothes at him, barely missing his head.

 The two changed quickly and then ate quietly. Leonard was sat in the middle of the other two, and Jim had a bit of small talk, but the two could both see how he almost nodded off a few times during their meal. Spock’s on his lower back was not helping in the slightest either. He was rubbing circles into the little dip right there, and it was enough to make him almost pass out even when he wasn’t tired.

As soon as they were done eating, all three of them moved back to the bed, and Leonard was placed in the middle again. Jim had yelled teasingly at him a simple ‘you’ve been depriving me of my boyfriend! Let me cuddle you for a night!’ Spock had nodded along, so Leonard couldn’t really say no.

So, when they were all laid down – Jim was curled around his front with his head on his shoulder, and Spock was behind him, his hand interlaced with his, and his head near the back of his neck if the feeling of his breath was anything to go by – Leonard began to cry again. This one wasn’t the blubbering kind of sob like early. No, this one was a silent barely there kind of cry that he doubted they would’ve noticed if he hadn’t started sniffling.

Jim leaned back immediately to look at him, and Spock’s hand tightened. “Hey, what’s wrong,” Jim questioned, his voice a hushed whisper that matched the setting.

Leonard shook his head and closed his eyes for a second. “I just love you guys so much, and I’m sorry I do this to myself. Y’all don’t deserve this. You don’t, and I don’t know why you put up with it.”

“Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.” Jim leaned forward, pulling into a hug. Spock pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. “We all have our bad habits. “I put myself into dangerous situations and never come to see you when I’m sick, you run yourself dry, and Spock, well, I don’t really know if Spock has any bad habits besides how logical he tries to be all the time, but that’s not the point. The point is: you should never feel any lesser than you should because we all put up with each other, and we love each other, and we stick together, and that will never change.” He took his free hand lifted it to his lips, softly kissing his knuckles. “And I’ll do anything you need to show you that.” He let go of his hand and leaned forward again, cuddling up to him like he had been before. “But right now, you need to sleep. You’ve done enough for right now, and tomorrow, we can work together to clear your work. The Starfleet can wait on whatever it is you’re working on.”

Bones smiled happily. “I love you guys.”

“We love you, too, Bones.”

Notes:

This was my first Star Trek fic, so here's McSpirk, a beloved ship :)
Hope you guys enjoyed this. <3 sending love your way