Archive of Our Own

“I think I’m in love with you.” It’s like every part of Ted’s body, every function, has stopped cold. He can’t even hear his own heartbeat, even though it was pounding in his ears a moment ago.

He doesn’t know what reaction he’s expecting. That they fall into bed in a lovers’ embrace? That Booster laughs at him or tells him to fuck off or --

“Okay. Good.” Booster’s voice is soft, almost a whisper. “I mean -- For God's sake let's talk.”

Ted releases the breath he’s been holding, it comes out like a gasp. He can feel the bed dip again, Booster sitting down on the edge on the other side, looking at him.

“Like... Why have you had such a hard time saying it?” Booster asks, softly.

"Oh." Ted tips his head back, staring at the ceiling, trying to swallow down this fresh rush of panic. God, it took everything in him to even admit it. “I don’t know,” he mutters.

The world around them is completely silent, except for the birds.

“I guess I --” Ted begins abruptly, then stops again. “It’s all... so new and crazy and I --” Start and stop, start and stop. “Shit, I don’t even have the vocabulary for this. I guess I, I worry what other people would say if they knew, I worry about what this says about me.”

He can feel Booster shift on the other side of the bed. “What would it say about you?”

“You know. That I’m some kind of, of --” he tries to say it, tries to bring himself to say any of the number of ugly, brutal words, but he can’t.

“This age is so fucked up,” Booster adds quietly when Ted can’t continue. “I just -- I want you to know that. It’s not like that at all when I come from. It’s just this time, it’s --” He pauses. “I’ve only been here a few years, Beetle, and the way this time is, this world is, it... It's made me so ashamed about that part of me already, when I never was before.” He sighs. “If a few years can do that to me, I can’t imagine what a lifetime of that did to you.”

“But I wasn’t like that,” Ted interjects, still looking at the ceiling. “Those, those things weren’t ever, I guess, relevant to me because I’ve never felt this way about, about guys.” Until now. “They weren’t about me, I even --” He stops himself as the thought strikes him, a cold wave enveloping him, and he turns to Booster. “Shit, Booster, I’ve said those kinds of things to you.”

Booster clears his throat, looking down at the floor. “Yeah.”

“Booster, I’m so fucking sorry,” Ted says, voice shaking at the realization. He sees himself, this horrible creature making jokes about limp-wristed perverts and dropped shower soaps. Hurting Booster when he just wanted to make him laugh. “I didn’t know, I’m so, so sorry.”

Booster doesn’t look at him, just looks down at the floor, lips pressed together.

Fuck.

“So you’ve never, um,” Booster’s voice sounds thin in the morning air. “You’ve never been attracted to guys before?”

“No, never.” Ted stares at him, wanting to comfort him, hug him. Would it even be alright to hug him? “Well, I guess maybe I wouldn’t... kick Harrison Ford out of bed.”

Booster snorts and chuckles, closing his eyes. “Nobody would.”

Ted smiles weakly, feeling good that he can still make Booster laugh, even in the midst of... all this. But he can't joke himself out of this. “Look, I’m... I’m coming up on thirty, Booster. Realizing you’re somebody completely different than you thought you were at my age, it’s,” he sighs. “It’s terrifying to me. It’s like... Realizing as an adult you’ve actually had three arms all along.”

Booster turns and look at him, still with that sweet, sad smile.

“And I’m like... If I didn’t know this about myself by now, what other things don’t I know?”

“Is it so bad having three arms?” Booster says, a little bit of giggle in his voice. “Even if you didn’t know before?”

“That’s what I don’t know,” Ted replies unhappily, feeling the analogy is becoming less than perfect. “There might be downsides to it I don’t even know about.”

“Might be some good things too,” Booster smiles, looking into his eyes, and oh, there’s that heartbeat going wild again.

“Booster,” he ventures, wanting to ask before he gets too distracted. “What did you mean, that time? When you... when you said you liked me that way?”

Booster glances aside, smiling. “I thought you knew by now.”

“Can't you tell me?” Ted’s blushing, feeling like he’s demanding too much, but he knows this is a point where he wants there to be absolutely no misunderstandings. This is all new territory to him, he wants there to be no room for doubt.

“Like, I’m --” Booster snorts through his nose and looks down, so uncommonly, sweetly self-conscious Ted feels something warm vibrating in his chest. “I’m attracted to you.” Booster looks up and tilts his head, smiling. “You know. I would... like to be with you.”

“Be, as in?” Ted’s tongue feels very dry in his mouth.

Booster laughs softly, a little flush of color in his face. “Be as in... I guess, both spend time with you in general, and...” He bites his lip, almost like he’s about to laugh. “Ted, come on.”

“Go to bed together?” Ted mutters, staring at Booster’s lower lip, feeling that warm something getting hotter, burning in him.

“Yes.”

Ted would like to say more, but the wire that connects his brain to his mouth seems to have snapped.

“And you?” Booster asks quietly.

Ted exhales unevenly. When he speaks it comes out more like a choked squeak. “Yes.”

Booster shifts in bed, crawling over what seems like a vast expanse of blankets and sheets, and sits down besides Ted on the edge. The weight of him on the mattress seems magnetic, like Ted couldn't pull away from him if he wanted to. And he doesn't want to.

Once Booster’s settled he turns to Ted, their faces so close. He smiles gently, searching Ted's face, leaning in a little closer. "So what's our problem then?" he murmurs softly.

“W-wait,” Ted stutters, flinching back, hating himself for doing so. “What if -- Like, what if this is a mistake? Aren’t you worried --” He nervously wipes his palm over his face, trying to gather his thoughts before they dissolve completely. “How do you know we wouldn't be ruining everything? With this?” What if I lose you forever because we decided to act on this?

Booster sits back and stares at his hands. “Look, Ted.” He pauses. “I don’t know. ‘What happened to Blue and Gold’ wasn't on my curriculum in school, you know?” He smiles. “I just think -- How can anything after this be much worse than what we’ve already been going through lately?”

Ted smiles bitterly.

“Like how do you know it won’t turn out to be...” Booster smirks. “Maybe... kinda good?”

Ted takes a deep uneven breath and presses his eyes shut. Then he turns and looks at Booster, kind, wonderful, so-beautiful-it-hurts Booster. And he knows Booster's right, they can't fuck up much more after all the fucking up they've been doing lately.

Booster looks into his eyes with kind, soft eyes. “Okay?”

“Okay,” Ted whispers.

Booster leans forward and kisses him. Ted makes a noise, an odd little nasal squeak he didn’t mean to make, because... Because this is a different kiss. Not like at the party, not hard and urgent and eager, just...

It’s gentle. The soft pressure of Booster’s lips against his, the little tickle of Booster’s breath against his skin. It almost reminds Ted of something, a dream he had long ago. Ted leans forward into the kiss, getting that urge again to press against Booster, be as close to Booster as he can possibly be, not even necessarily in a... a sexual way. Just to be close, to feel him.

Booster opens his mouth slightly and teases the tip of his tongue along Ted’s upper lip and yeah, no, Ted thinks maybe he could stand to be close to Booster in a sexual way, too.

Booster pulls gently away, Ted leaning forward, wanting more.

“Maybe, um,” Booster grins. “Maybe brush our teeth first?”

“S-sure,” Ted stammers and sits back. God, he’s probably got morning breath that could kill a horse.

“To be continued,” Booster declares brightly as he gets up and slips into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Ted sits for a moment, staring at the bathroom door. There are cracks in the paint, going from the bottom. The paint around the doorknob is worn all the way down to the wood too, and he wonders how many thousands of times that doorknob has been turned, how many people have stayed in this room before, lain in this bed, if any of them ever came close to feeling a fraction of the terror he’s feeling right now.

God, Ted, what the hell do you think you’re doing?

He flops down on his back in bed, and pinches his eyes shut. He feels like... this is the big event, right? The thing that will mark the turning point, make the “before” into the “after”. And he’s unprepared. He’s... completely helpless. Hopeless.

One thing is what happens after this day, this turning point.

What the fuck is going to happen once they’ve both brushed their teeth?

Obviously Booster -- he’s a decent guy, he wouldn’t do anything Ted doesn’t want. He’s certain of that. He regularly trusts Booster with his life, he can certainly trust him with his... With himself.

But that places the onus on Ted, he needs to know what he’s comfortable with and... He has no idea what he’s comfortable with. He’s perpetually uncomfortable with himself lately. He hasn’t done any of this before.

He sighs dejectedly. He feels like some kind of blushing bride on her wedding night, no concept of -- well, a very vague concept of what’s supposed to happen.

Because. Because he wants something to happen. If they just wind up making out or, or cuddling, that’s... that’s fine, obviously. But... He wants to know. Wants to learn. See what it's like.

At least with his first girlfriend he had years of imagining exactly what he wanted to do once he had a chance, but today... Jeez, it feels like he’s heading for an exam he hasn’t studied for.

Or maybe that’s what he should do, just... Just postpone it, and once he gets home he can go to the library, or find some... some movies. Figure out what he should do so that Booster gets some enjoyment out of this too.

Oh God does he want Booster to enjoy this.

“All yours.”

Ted jumps upright, heart beating against his chest wall, and sees Booster holding open the door to the bathroom. Oh right. Preparations.

They grin self-consciously as they pass each other. Ted wishes he had something funny and lighthearted to say but he just makes a weird kind of guffaw and quickly closes the door behind him.

Wow. You suave Don Juan, you.

He brushes his teeth with the toothbrush he bought down at the reception desk, avoiding looking at himself too closely in the mirror. Once he’s done he makes a status check; He breathes into his cupped hand and it smells only of mint. Good. He should... Pee, definitely. Don’t need to lie there feeling like his bladder is about to explode. Should he shave? Did Booster shave? He should have looked more closely. Not like he can go back out there, stare at him and then excuse himself again, just to rid himself of the stubble.

He should probably shower, but he’s fairly certain Booster didn’t, and if Booster hears him showering the implication is that Ted’s expecting something to happen, and it’ll seem so overly confident and --

Jeez, Ted, calm down. A neurotic teenager, that's what you are.

He washes his hands, his face, splashes some water under his arms, and dries himself off. He’s about to head out again when he pauses, pulls down his boxer shorts and gives his flaccid dick a quick wash, feeling like an absolute idiot.

Okay then. He pulls up his underwear, takes a deep breath, opens the door and slips inside their room again. The sun’s shining outside, the white paint of the walls reflecting the light, making everything very bright, very real.

And Booster isn’t delicately laid on a bed of roses, naked or oiled or anything, he just sits on the edge of the bed in his tank top and Y-fronts, like before, and smiles at him.

“You good?” Booster asks.

“Fresh as a daisy.”

There's a pause.

They’re ready. What the hell’s he supposed to do now?

Should he -- should he jump Booster and tear off his clothes, should he give him a massage or, or, or read him poetry and gaze into his eyes? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know and he just sees himself standing there, like an idiot, not daring to approach or say anything. And he tries telling himself nothing’s changed, they’re where they were ten minutes ago, after their talk, after their kissing. They should kiss. Go and kiss him. Go.

At last Booster rises from the bed and approaches him, looking at him like... Looking at him in a way that makes Ted a little dizzy. He comes up to him, close, so close their bodies meet and just that makes Ted jump and bump into the closed door behind him.

“You okay?” Booster asks, and there’s the hint of a frown in his face. Like he’s unsure.

“Yes,” Ted breathes, looking into his eyes. And he realizes he’s making Booster believe that he doesn’t want this, or that he’s backing out. And nothing on earth could make him back out right now. Not even himself.

Ted remembers the party, the catastrophically bad kiss he lead with, and he doesn’t know how to do this but he tells himself he can’t do it any worse than he did that night. He raises his hand, even if he can feel it trembling, and cups Booster’s face in it.

Okay, good, he didn’t shave either. Good call. Good.

He leans forward, hand still cradling Booster's face, fingertips resting against the smooth skin right behind his ear, and kisses him. Kisses Booster. Parting his lips, gently finding Booster’s tongue with his own.

And Booster kisses back with a sigh.

It’s still different from that night. Ted’s so much more present, everything is so real. Hyper real. He’s so aware of their bodies, his hands, the way he’s standing, the taste of mint in Booster’s mouth, the prickle of Booster’s blonde stubble against his face, and then he’s very aware of Booster’s warm hand, moving along his hip over his clothes, sliding against the small of his back, pressing him closer.

And maybe it’s the wrong kind of kiss, because immediately he feels a stir in his boxers, feels unmistakably excited from being pressed between Booster and the wall. He gasps into Booster’s mouth, wondering if he himself is the one who’s moving too fast, if he should make them dial it back, just... just tenderly smooch a bit. Is that what they’re supposed to be doing?

But he doesn’t want to dial it back. Pulling Booster even closer, feeling the full length of Booster’s body pressing against his, and it’s exactly what he’s been wanting. It’s exactly the feeling he’s been obsessed with, just being close, feeling the warmth of Booster, the shape of him.

He’s also aware that he’s getting hard again, hard already, and he’s pretty sure that firmness pressing against his hip is Booster, that even Booster might possibly want this like he wants this and -- and Ted feels like he wants even more.

Exactly what is still up for debate, but the need in him, this want encompasses more than just being pressed against Booster’s body.

Booster’s other hand moves to the area right below Ted’s chest, splaying his fingers over the fabric of his T-shirt, and the pressure of Booster’s hand, the tension in his fingers is somehow really sexy too, like he... Like he wants to touch Ted. Like he’s turned on by his body.

Booster angles his head, kissing him a little harder, a little more intensely, and Ted groans softly in response. He pulls Booster closer again, loving the squeeze between Booster and the door. Booster’s hand moves to his chest, grasping, and Ted tenses because it feels good but also it... It’s something he would do if he was with a woman and it’s not like he --

Booster seems to pick up on his reaction and pulls back, looking at him, out of breath. “You still, um, doing okay?”

“Sure,” Ted swallows in between deep breaths. “It’s fine, it’s... it’s good.”

“Good,” Booster replies, a flush in his cheeks Ted is finding really irresistible. “Just let me know if, ah, if I’m going too fast or you want to stop or, or there’s something specific you want me to do. Or not to do.”

“Yes,” Ted breathes, no more words coming to him, and pulls him into a kiss again, fingers pressing against the warm soft skin of Booster’s neck. He can feel Booster smile as they kiss, feel the soft exhale into his mouth.

You’re not going too fast, if anything you’re not going fast enough.

Booster’s hand leaves Ted’s chest and next thing Ted knows he feels fingers pulling through his hair, grabbing a gentle fistful of curls and it’s good, it’s great, it’s wonderful, absolutely overwhelming. He hears himself whimper, is dimly aware as he rolls his hips against Booster.

Booster pulls out of the kiss, slowly, deliciously, and Ted’s vaguely ashamed at how hard he’s breathing, how turned on he is by this when he’s never even done or seen or fantasized about this before. Or not in detail, anyway.

With a still gentle hold of his curls, Booster moves lower to kiss Ted’s neck, all the way from right below Ted’s ear to where his neck meets his shoulder, right where his T-shirt begins, and for a wild moment Ted would like to pull off his shirt entirely, give Booster more access, but he won’t.

“Is this okay? You want to do more?” Booster breathes into his ear.

“Uh huh,” Ted whimpers, and then if it wasn’t clear he meant to answer affirmative to both questions, he adds. “Yes.”

Booster groans against his neck, and it makes Ted stand on his toes trying to meet his lips.

“Anything you want in particular?” Booster asks.

“I don’t, ah,” Ted gasps as Booster angles his head and kisses along the bottom of his jaw. “I have no idea about... About anything. This is all, um, all new to me.”

“I know.” Ted can feel the gently puff of breath as Booster speaks against his neck. “So I figured, um... We could start with something you know.”

Ted swallows hard as Booster comes back up to face him. Booster’s face is almost mischievous.

“A-and what’s that?” Ted asks.

“Well,” Booster grins, looking at Ted's lips. “I’m pretty sure you know how to receive a blow job.”

Ted exhales sharply, a sound that comes out more like a moan. His face is burning. “God. Booster.”

Booster kisses him again, curling his tongue in Ted’s mouth as Ted feels fingers trailing down his stomach, to his navel, to his lower stomach, to his upper pubic area. Then Booster slides his palm firmly down, cupping Ted’s hard cock against his hand, just the thin fabric of his boxers separating them.

Booster pulls slightly away from the kiss again, a soft exhale escaping him. “Ohh fuck. Ted.”

Ted's sure he's burning bright red from the tip of his toes to the crown of his head, so self-conscious he could die. He’s so fucking hard. It’s like the last remnants of plausible deniability is gone. He’s not just curious. He’s not just going through a weird phase. No, he’s just about to burst from kissing his best friend. God.

Another quick kiss and then Booster drops to his knees. Just sits down on his knees like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Booster looks up and smiles and pulls up Ted’s shirt a little, exposing his stomach, and Ted feels so self-conscious at his paunch, at his chubbiness, but Booster splays his fingers against Ted’s skin and lazily, wetly kisses the area right below Ted’s navel.

A shuddering breath escapes Ted as he tilts his head back, resting it against the door. He stares at the ceiling, telling himself not to black out.

“You doing okay?” Booster murmurs as he hooks his fingers into the waistband of Ted’s boxer shorts.

Ted squeezes his eyes shut. “Uh huh,” he gasps.

“You want me to keep going?”

Ted swallows thickly. Like it isn’t obvious. Like he isn’t seconds away from bursting just from the lead-up. “Yeah,” he mutters, so quiet it’s almost a sigh.

Booster kisses his lower stomach again and gently pulls down his boxers.

Ted bites his lip so hard it almost draws blood. He’s a superheated mess of lust and shame and self-consciousness. He wants this but he shouldn't but he wants it.

“Fuck, Ted, you’re so sexy,” Booster groans, and next thing Ted knows a mouth, Booster’s mouth, has enveloped the head of his cock, an eager tongue teasing the underside of it.

He whimpers and presses his lips together, his hands fumbling down to find Booster’s soft hair, and he’s telling himself not to push, not to move, not to do anything that might stop Booster from doing exactly what he’s doing with his tongue right now. Ted tenses his legs, forcing himself to stand completely still.

Booster moves his head, taking more of Ted’s cock in his mouth, and he groans, the vibration of that noise feeling so good, the enjoyment in that groan almost being better than the other things Booster’s doing right now.

He was so sure if they’d ever do this (because yes, the concept of this wasn't ever... well, it's been on his mind) he’d make himself think of someone else, of some woman he’d been with before or some leggy supermodel. That if Booster wanted to do this Ted would have to use his imagination to enjoy it. That's what he'd kept assuring himself. But those strong hands gripping his waist are definitely Booster’s, those delicious lips wrapped around him is Booster’s, and that wet wonderful tongue --

He allows himself to look down, sees Booster’s eyelashes flutter, his neat eyebrows knotted in concentration, and he’s so beautiful, so beautiful it’s almost too much to take. But he also sees his own stomach sticking out, the fat pad of his pubic area, his coarse body hair on his thick thighs, and he gets a sinking feeling that he doesn’t deserve this.

Booster can’t want this.

Booster’s moans are muffled by the cock in his mouth, and they sound genuine, but what if all of this is just for Ted’s benefit? Just to make Ted come faster, for this to be done faster?

What if Booster is already regretting doing this?

He doesn’t know what he’s done to make Booster open his eyes and look at him, mouth still closed over Ted’s cock. Ted feels himself blush as Booster slowly pulls his head back, closing his lips around the head and sitting back on his heels, grinning.

“You doing okay?” he asks, a little out of breath.

“Yeah,” Ted swallows. “Sure.” Then he adds, stupidly, because he feels like he should say something: “It’s nice.”

“Mmm,” Booster hums contentedly. “It feels so good. I’m so fucking turned on doing this to you.”

Ted presses his lips together and exhales through his nose. What do you say to that? That’s nice? Swell?

Booster closes his eyes and opens his mouth, letting the head of Ted’s cock roll against his tongue. Ted gasps, unable to look away, though he wishes he could retouch this image, put someone else's body in place of his own, not see himself so exposed and inferior to Booster’s body.

Booster stops again, pulling back as he looks up at Ted with big earnest eyes. “Okay, Ted? You want me to keep going?”

Yes. No. Are you asking me that because you want to stop?

“I, think, uh,” Ted breathes, feeling his chest rise and fall. “I think maybe a break.”

“Sure thing,” Booster smiles and gets to his feet. He gives Ted a quick kiss. “You want a soda or something?”

“Uh. Sure,” Ted mutters. He looks down at himself and quickly pulls up his boxers again, though he’s still so aware of his thighs, his pudgy ass. He sits on the bed and accepts the can of soda Booster hands him from the hotel minifridge.

Booster sprawls on the bed, soda in his hand, the obvious bulge of his erection pressing against his underwear. He smiles back warmly, if a little self-consciously, when Ted looks at him.

Okay, so... What kind of small talk fits this fine mess?

Out of options, Ted takes a long sip of his soda. Then he takes another. Ponders how they’ll get going again, if they get going again. It was hard enough to wind up here, like this, and now Ted’s made them take a stupid break and ruined the mood.

“You know,” Booster offers after what seems like five minutes of silence. “I think you’re doing well.”

“Thank you,” Ted mutters awkwardly.

Booster rolls over on his side, facing Ted. “I mean--” he frowns, trailing a finger along the sheets. “I know this isn’t your usual kinda scene.”

Ted nods slightly, unsure what to say.

“I just, uh," Booster swallows. "I really want you to let me know if you absolutely can’t stand it.”

“Booster!” It comes out louder than Ted intended it to. “Do you think I’m not enjoying this?” He motions to the obvious erection in his boxers. “Have you seen the state of me?”

“I mean, I don’t know,” Booster chuckles and stares at the ceiling, frowning even as he smiles. “I really don’t want you to just, just go along because you feel you’re supposed to. Or to please me.”

“Oh God, Booster,” Ted exhales deeply and falls down on his back next to Booster. “I was worrying about the exact the same thing, about you.” He turns his head to look at Booster, who giggles softly.

They look at each other, flushed, excited, happy. It’s almost too intimate to take. Lying in this bed together, staring into each other’s eyes. Being this present, this vulnerable.

“I appreciate that you, um,” Ted begins, looking away for a moment. “That you check in on me, during. That you make sure I’m okay.” He looks at Booster again, to make sure he knows he’s speaking truly. “I like that, but I -- I promise I’ll tell you if I’m not into it.”

“Thank you.” Booster scoots closer on his side, gaze soft, and leans in close to Ted.

He feels the breath from Booster’s mouth against his lips, moist and warm, and can’t help but part his lips as well. Booster closes his eyes and Ted can feel Booster’s tongue softly tease his own. Not a kiss, their lips barely brushing against each other, just Booster’s tongue gently against his own. He sighs and closes his eyes as well, feels his own cock twitch, like Booster’s tongue is working its magic there instead.

“Booster,” he whimpers, unsure what he means to say. That he’s overwhelmed. That he can’t take this. That he doesn’t want it to stop.

Booster pulls back again, grins with that same soft gaze. “What would you like to do?”

“God, don’t ask me that.” He can’t stop staring at Booster’s perfect wet lips, his tongue. “I told you, I, I, have zero experience here.” He swallows. “You have to take the lead, Booster.”

Booster bites his lip, and Ted has to work on steadying his breathing. “But in general?” Booster ventures gently. “Like, do you want a longer break, do you want me to touch you, do you want to touch me, do you want to touch yourself, do you want to stop?” He looks down and chuckles softly at the burst of options. Then he looks back up at Ted. “Just, just give me a clue and I’ll plot the course, I promise.”

What the hell do I want?

“I -- I think,” Ted lets his head fall down to mattress, staring unfocused at the ceiling. “I think I want to touch you.”

He can hear a soft exhale from Booster. “Come here.”

Booster looks at him, looks at him with that unashamed, mischievous look, and lies on his back in bed. Ted can barely bring himself to acknowledge the obvious bulge in Booster's Y-fronts, that thick firmness lying along the waistband, pointing to his hip.

Ted can feel his face burning as he rolls over on his side, facing him. Booster squirms closer, until they’re both lying together, Booster on his back, Ted propped up on his elbow beside him. With a soft sigh Ted kisses him, gently, perhaps to buy time, perhaps to figure out how he’d like to proceed. As Booster hums contentedly against Ted's lips Ted places his palm gently on Booster’s upper stomach, right where his tank top has been pulled up by his squirming. It seems like a safe place to start. The skin is so soft and smooth and warm as he trails his fingers down his stomach, feeling the curve of his abs, sensing the rise and fall of Booster’s excited breathing.

Once he reaches the navel area he chickens out, taking a detour down the side of Booster’s abdomen, pressing and grasping a little harder to make up for the pause.

Booster groans softly into Ted’s mouth and rolls his hips, earning a soft exhale from Ted in return.

Booster’s turned on by this. By him. By the things he’s doing to him.

Feeling a little bolder, he resumes his course from the lower stomach and lets his fingers lightly glide over the smooth fabric of Booster’s underwear, his fingertips feeling the warmth and firmness of Booster’s cock.

Booster sighs again and jerks his hips involuntarily to meet Ted’s hand. He turns his head and gasps, “Fuck, I -- ah God, is it okay with you if I take those off?”

“Sure,” Ted mutters, his hand trembling. “Go ahead.”

Booster immediately rolls his shoulders back, under him, raises his hips and ungracefully shimmies out of his underwear, looking down as he’s doing it. It takes a bit of contorting to get them all the way down to the ankles without sitting up, but he finally vigorously kicks them off and falls back into bed, a little out of breath, a little embarrassed.

“Okay. Okay,” he gasps, looking up at Ted with a smile. “Go ahead. Please go ahead.”

Ted loves Booster's enthusiasm. He'd kiss him again, only he can't stop himself from looking at the sight that's been revealed.

Booster’s smoothness, the only touch of hair the blonde, soft tuft above his cock, and it’s... Even Ted, with his lack of comparisons, thinks it’s a strangely good looking cock. Thick and virile and uncut, with that youthful curve upwards, a thick ridge along the underside, and even if it’s bigger than Ted’s he... He can’t find it in him to feel self-conscious, because he’s bowled over by the fact that there’s such a thing as a handsome cock. But it's only logical, it's Booster. Every part of Booster is so perfect.

He realizes he’s staring, and quickly turns to Booster’s face. Booster chuckles breathlessly, a flush of color in his cheeks.

“Ted,” he breathes out softly and closes his eyes. “Please.”

There’s foreplay and then there’s stalling for time. He glances down again and closes his fist around Booster’s cock, which twitches in his grasp.

“Mmm,” Booster groans, arching his back slightly.

Ted firms his grip, trying not to think that this is the first time he’s ever touched a cock that wasn’t his own, and he moves his hand, up. Down. Up. He feels strange, a narrator outside himself telling him this bizarre thing he’s doing, jerking off his best friend. It’s some kind of line, and he’s crossing it. He feels a little flush of panic in his chest, and not just because he has no idea what to do with the whole uncut situation.

“Ahh, Ted,” Booster sighs, looking at him through half-lidded eyes.

“Is -- Am I doing it right?” Ted asks, stupidly. Like the basic concept wasn’t familiar to him by the age of thirteen. “Tell me how you like it,” he adds, immediately flinching at the demand, the order. He tries again; “How -- how do you like to do this, normally?” When it isn’t me doing it.

“Mm, just, ah,” Booster grins at him, breathing heavily. “It’s great, but maybe a little looser?”

Ted adjusts his grip, and Booster rocks his hips to meet his hand.

“And if you could, ah --”

Ted feels Booster’s fingers close over his hand, and something about that makes the breath hitch in his throat. Booster guiding him, teaching him how to please him. He's surprised at his own enjoyment of it.

Booster moves Ted's hand, showing him how to let every finger glide over the head, slick with precum, gently closing it in a fist and then pushing it down all the way to the base. Booster immediately moans in response, a sharp sound, like he’s surprised by the pleasure, and Ted feels a warm tightness travel down his spine at the sound.

“Fuck, Ted, just like that.” Booster’s hand falls to his side as Ted continues working his cock like he’s been shown, and as beautiful as Booster’s cock is, how warm and full it feels in his hand, he can’t stop looking at Booster’s flushed face, his parted lips, his eyes gently closed but with eyelashes fluttering. He’s never looked more beautiful than at this moment, right now.

Ted leans down and kisses him, but immediately his rhythm is thrown off, the angle of his arm is wrong, so he sits back up and finds the right pace again as Booster's breath quickens.

Booster is rolling his hips with every stroke, fucking Ted’s hand, softly groaning, moaning, breathing a little harder, a little more shakily at each stroke. Ted feels a tug on the back of his shirt, Booster’s hand gripping it. Booster opens his eyes, lifting his head slightly and looks down, watching himself, watching Ted’s hand working his cock. Booster quickly pulls his own shirt further up, securing it under his chin. Looks down at himself with low-lidded eyes, taking in the sight of Ted's eager hand.

“God, Ted, Ted, keep going,” Booster whimpers, letting his head fall heavily back onto the mattress again, eyes closed, brow knotted in concentration. “Please. Don’t stop. It’s perfect, don’t stop.”

“Fuck, Booster,” Ted groans, feeling a wave of warmth travel up his own spine, at the noises Booster’s making, at the eager way Booster moves his hips to meet his hand, Booster’s hips and his short little moans are in unison now, his hand tugging harder at the back of Ted’s shirt, and Ted likes that most of all, that fistful of fabric, the insistent tugging that Booster probably doesn’t know he’s even doing.

Ted can’t remember the last time he was this focused, keeping the rhythm, the speed, the pressure exactly the same, all the while feeling that tug, hearing Booster little moans rise slightly in pitch.

“Nnn fuck,” Booster whimpers, his voice hoarse. “I’m gonna come, I’m gonna --”

A choked noise escapes Booster, and seeing the way his mouth opens, the way he raises his eyebrows, eyes squeezed shut, feeling the way his hips twitch upward with each spurt of milky cum that then pools in his abs, runs down his side -- it’s almost orgasmic in itself. Ted stops, his pulse thrumming in his ears.

“No, no, no, fuck,” Booster’s hands shoots up, cupping Ted’s fist in his, squeezing him tighter around his cock, guiding his hand to squeeze the shaft, slowly up and down, milking him even after the last drops of cum runs down Ted’s knuckles.

Booster’s body shudders and he opens his eyes, staring unfocused at the ceiling. Then he abruptly pulls at Ted’s hand. “Okay. Ah. Stop stop stop.”

Ted quickly lets go, still breathing hard, still feeling like a virgin on the wedding night. “I’m sorry,” he mutters softly. “I quit too early, I should have --”

“No, no, I promise,” Booster turns his head, exhaling heavily. “I was already way past the edge, I just, I --” his head lolls back again, facing the ceiling. “It was so good I wanted to get every last... little --” He waves his hand, his voice trailing off as his hand then falls limply to the bed. “Thing.”

Ted feels such a shock of tenderness for Booster at that moment, him lying there with closed eyes so close to him, so content and limp, so spent his vocabulary isn’t even there. And the vague warm feeling of pride in Ted’s stomach, that it was he who got Booster there, even if it was only a handjob, even if Booster had to guide him every step of the way.

Ted leans in and kisses Booster’s forehead, vaguely wondering if that’s corny, if it’s too lovey-dovey immediately after Booster coming in his hand. Booster grins and stirs, angling his face up with closed eyes, and Ted sees the invitation and kisses his lips tenderly.

None of this has any business being so good.

Booster’s breathing calms, and he stretches, making a little squeaky whimper as he does so.

“You tired?” Ted asks. “We could go get some breakfast, or --”

“Mmm, no,” Booster looks at him, that little mischievous touch in his smile, then he wraps his arms around Ted and with a soft grunt and a bit of flailing on Ted's side they’ve switched places, Ted on his back and Booster over him. “Later. I wanna take care of you first.”

Ted takes a deep unsteady breath as Booster kisses his neck, his jawline, teases warm fingertips under his T-shirt.

A touch of anxiety comes over him. What if he’s too nervous to come? What if he can’t even stay hard? If Booster wants this from him, what if Ted can’t even offer him that?

Booster shuffles a bit to reach Ted’s mouth and kisses him deeply, and shifting his weight off his elbows Ted feels the full weight of Booster on top of him, and it’s... It’s absolutely incredible. It’s even better than being pressed between Booster and the door because it’s all of Booster, and the sweet overwhelming feeling of being deliciously under him, pushed into the soft mattress.

Ted meets his kiss hard, wrapping his arms around Booster, holding him as tightly as he can. Booster makes a wonderful surprised little noise into Ted’s mouth, and angles his head as they kiss.

They could stay like this forever, and Ted would be happy.

Booster’s strong warm hand has worked itself under Ted’s shirt now, stroking and grasping. It feels good, but also brings back that little uncomfortable murmur in the back of Ted’s head, because... Because he realizes their bodies are both similar and so different. With women, he -- he’s brought something different to the table, so to speak, and even with his weight, his height, it’s been okay because... because they’ve been a woman and wanted a man. But he and Booster -- it’s so obvious how imperfect Ted’s body is when the other body involved is Booster’s.

Ted flinches as Booster begins pulling up his shirt. “Ah, please. Don’t --” he stutters, and he’s so embarrassed that he’s like this. “Can I, uh, keep that on?”

Booster looks at him, so tenderly. So beautiful. “Of course,” he gives him a quick kiss, pulling the shirt down again and then raises his hand to cradle Ted’s face. “Thank you for letting me know,” he murmurs.

“No prob,” Ted mutters, not being able to meet his gaze. He’s so angry with himself. They’re already -- already doing this and he can’t even take his clothes off. He could cry for how frustrated he is with himself. He closes his eyes, trying to focus on Booster’s lips against the sensitive skin right below his ear.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Booster murmurs in his ear.

Yeah, right.

No, jeez, Ted, don’t be like this. Not now.

He focuses on the weight of Booster again, the weight of his chest on his chest, the way their pelvises press together, the way Booster’s leg lies between his. Ted pulls him closer again, wanting to drown his own thoughts out in the sweet heavy sensation, and in response Booster rolls his hips against Ted, and it’s enough to snap Ted out of his own head entirely for a moment.

“Booster,” he groans, and squirms under the weight of him.

“You like that?” Booster murmurs with a grin and rolls his hips again. Ted gasps, and Booster does it again, settling into a rhythm, thrusting against Ted’s hard cock.

Every thrust pushes Ted’s into the mattress, and he rhythmically tenses his legs, tenses his ass to push up against Booster after each time, meeting him, before being pushed into the mattress again. The motion against the shaft of his cock and against his cockhead, the fabric of his boxer shorts being pushed back and forth feels so incredible, so delicious.

It’s just dry humping, he reminds himself. It’s just another level of your self-conscious teenager neuroses.

But it feels so good.

He can feel Booster’s heavy breathing against his face and opens his eyes. Sees Booster so close, lips parted, looking down at him, watching him hungrily with low-lidded eyes, that same sensuous gaze he remembers from that cologne ad that had him so hot and bothered. Except this time it's real, it's him Booster's looking at like that.

“Booster,” he moans, desperately thrusting back, ruining their rhythm. Fuck, this is making him come apart.

Booster grins breathlessly and resumes the pace. His face so close, his breath warming Ted’s skin. Ted squirms again, sitting up on his elbows, folding an arm over Booster’s neck to pull him into a desperate kiss. When Booster pauses his thrusting and kisses him back, Ted bucks his hips, wanting more. Fuck, this is too much.

“Mmm, you think --” Booster grins and pushes Ted onto his back again, finds the rhythm once more. “You think you’re gonna get there from this or -- or do you want more?”

“I don’t know,” Ted whimpers, closing his eyes, angling his head back. “Hahh. More.”

He feels Booster stop, shifting slightly to the side, and Ted groans, wanting that pressure back. Then he feels a sharp tug on his boxers, pulling them down, and a fist closing around his cock, finding an urgent rhythm.

“Ohhh, shit,” he moans.

Hot lips find his neck again. “Is this okay? You want something different?”

“Mm, s’good, keep -- keep going.” He’s so close. He’s so close. He digs his fingers into Booster’s back, his sexy, broad, strong back, and he feels the weight of Booster’s leg slung over his own, keeping him in place, keeping him right where Booster can touch him.

“Oh Ted, fuck,” Booster groans into his ear, and he loves hearing Booster’s voice, loves hearing him whispering and gasping and moaning his name. Fuck, he doesn’t deserve this. He feels a warm tight wave beginning to build in him, and he pinches his eyes shut even harder. Booster moans, his hand picking an even faster pace.

Oh God. They’re idiots. Idiots for doing this. They shouldn’t, they really fucking shouldn’t but it’s so fucking good, so incredibly perfect it’s --

Ted holds his breath as he comes, a moment of such perfect stillness, seemingly infinite. Such incredible singular presence that he finds himself gasping for air once he returns to the world. To their room. To the bed.

To Booster.

He arches his back against the mattress, a choked whimper escaping him as pushes Booster’s eager hand away, too spent, too overly sensitive for further stimulation. And he falls back against at the mattress.

Oh.

He squints into the light of the room, registering dimly the spatters of cum on his shirt. His closes his eyes again, the light too bright, and sinks into the mattress.

God.

Well. They’ve done it now. He’s done it now. With another man. So turned on by it, enjoying it so much it's almost too much. What the fuck does that make you, Ted? Doing this with a dude. And not just any dude.

Your best friend.

If things weren’t complicated enough before. He feels a cold wave of shame wash over him. Like... Like how he felt when he’d discovered masturbation as a kid and kept promising never to do it again until the urge got too strong and he’d indulge and the cycle of shame would begin again. Rinse and repeat. Is that how this is going to be?

Booster shifts, the bed creaking under them, and Ted feels a shock of panic that maybe the bed has been creaking all along, making noise with every thrust, the rhythm making it obvious to everyone in the building exactly what’s been going down in that room. That room with the two men in it.

Ted feels soft lips press against his neck.

“You alright?” Booster mutters.

“I... yeah,” Ted mutters, his heart going a hundred miles a minute. What if room service comes in unannounced? What if people can peek through the keyhole? What if a window cleaner appears outside?

“You sure?”

Ted opens his eyes, looking into Booster’s face above him, the soft light from the windows framing his golden hair, the curve of his forehead.

Ted was hoping Booster would seem less radiant, less breathtakingly beautiful once he’d... Once his curiosity was sated. But yeah, that was a fool’s hope all along.

“It’s just, um, your -- your breathing’s changed.” Booster smiles. A smile that is, if anything, about three times more handsome than his previous smiles.

Fuck. “I am, uh...” Ted’s panicking about panicking. He should get up, get dressed before they’re caught red-handed. He wants to do that, but he also absolutely does not want to do that. This is how they'll find me, this is how I'll get found out. “I’m maybe a little --”

“Freaked out?” Booster offers, looking down at him, so close to him.

“Uh huh.”

“Okay, um,” Booster shifts to his side, away from Ted, and the absence of his weight, his warmth, makes Ted’s body ache. “I’m really sorry. Did I do something, like, did I overstep or not pick up on something you were --”

“No, no, Booster,” Ted quickly replies, sitting up on his elbows. “It’s not anything you did, I swear you --” Oh God. What kind of egotistical asshole are you, Ted, just to leave him hanging? “Booster,” he looks into his eyes, wanting to be as clear as he can possibly be. “That was great. It was amazing. Thank you.”

Saying it out loud actually makes Ted feel a little better. His heart rate comes a fraction closer to his normal pace.

Booster looks at him, concern still on his face. “You sure?” he pulls his fingers through his hair, his beautiful messy bed head hair.

Ted's so mad at himself for not letting him know straight away. Fine that he's feeling vulnerable and nervous and exposed, he hadn't even considered Booster could feel anything less than absolute confidence. Because just look at him.

“Don't worry. I'm sure." Ted takes a deep breath and tries to give Booster a warm, careless smile. A Booster smile. "Come here."

Booster opens his mouth, about to say something, then seems to decide against it and shimmies to Ted's side again.

Okay. Ted sits up and pulls him close, cradling his face like Booster did to him, and kisses him gently. Insistently. Maybe he's not meant to, after. Maybe he’s making a fool out of himself, maybe Booster has had his fill of him now, had enough of his body, his clumsy kissing, his issues, for a lifetime. All Ted knows is that he wants to do this, wants to kiss him, feel him close again.

Booster relaxes in his arms, leaning against Ted, the weight of him pushing Ted down on his back again. It feels... reassuring.

Maybe that’s enough.

Booster smiles lazily as their lips part, and rests his head next to Ted’s, his face almost nuzzled against Ted’s neck.

“Okay. Good,” Booster murmurs. “So what are you freaking out about?”

“I don’t know,” Ted mutters, feeling that piano wire tensing inside him. Too many things.

“Something in here or something out there?”

Ted snorts. “Something in the library, with the candlestick.”

“Beetle.”

“Okay, sorry.” Ted sighs, resting his hand on Booster's back. “I guess... out there.”

“Is it your wife and kids?” Booster yawns.

“What?” Ted giggles. “No, Booster, I don’t have a wife and kids.”

“Well in that case,” Booster stretches, then settles back half on top of Ted. “Fuck everything out there.”