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Patton is tired of pretending.
Ever since he was created, he was forced to pretend to be someone he's not- a happy, bumbling idiot. Even when he tried to explain to Thomas that that wasn't his only function, he was shot down almost instantly. So, he kept his mouth shut. He continued being the happy idiot that everyone saw; he continued to push his true feelings down, even though he knows that it isn't healthy. He continued smiling through his pain; he continued telling jokes to hide how much he hates himself; he continued being pushed around by the others. He continued wearing the mask, and he found himself unable to take it off now.
That was what he was doing now.
Thomas summoned them to solve yet another problem, and yet he couldn't give it his all this time. He was just so tired that he opted not to talk at all. It stayed that way for a large portion of the video, yet Virgil was the only one who noticed. Logan and Roman were so absorbed in their conversation that they didn't even noticed his lack of input. Thomas did spared him a glance but was pulled back into the conversation by Logan, and the realization that they didn't need him left a bitter taste in his mouth. He untied the cat sweater around his neck and put it on, his movements slow so as to not catch the others attention. Only dark purple eyes followed him, and Patton found himself wishing that the earth would just open up and swallow him more appealing as the seconds passed.
Of course Virgil would noticed that something was off with him. He was more in tune with negative emotions than the others, and he was sure that he was able to see every single flaw he had.
"Patton? Are you okay?"
Heads turned, and for once Patton wished that he could just disappear. Instead, he smiled brightly- Virgil eyes narrowed at the sight of it -and laughed. "You don't need to worry about me, kiddo! I'm just a bit tired, that's all."
The others simply nodded, yet Virgil wasn't going to drop the conversation so quickly. He blinked out of view and appeared at Patton's side, causing him to jump in surprise. The anxious side would never leave his spot on the stairs even if was forced too, so seeing him do this unprovoked was a shock. Roman noticed immediately and cocked his head to the side.
"Woah, looks like My Chemical Disaster decided to move from the stairs for once!"
He rolled his eyes at the comment but ignored him, instead opting to focus his attention on Patton. "Are you really okay, Patton? You've been quiet ever since Thomas summoned us."
Patton could only give him a tight smile and laugh off the question, replying that he wasn't important at the moment. Logan raised an eyebrow at that and quipped, "Actually, Patton, this problem seems to be affecting Thomas on a emotional level. If anything, you are important in this context."
In this context. Of course he was only useful in this type of situations. None of them were equipped to handle Thomas emotions. Not even himself. He flicked the hood over his head and avoided looking at them, his eyes directed on the floor. The desire to disappear grew, and something cold clutched at his heart. "Do you really need me?" His voice was low and cold, yet the others were able to hear it as clear as day.
Thomas sent him a confused smile and nodded. "Of course I need you, buddy. You're the one who's in charge of my happy feelings."
"I'm in charge of your feelings, Thomas. Not just you're happy ones."
That's why they summoned him. They wanted him to just flip the switch and make Thomas happy again. That's all they see him as. That's the only reason why they tolerate him.
His throat tighten as he dug his nails into his skin. Roman looked confused, and Virgil placed a hand on his shoulder to try and calm him down. He shrugged it off the minute it touched him, and he ignored the pained look that flashed on his face. "Patton, are you feeling okay? You're not high off rainbows and glitters like you always are."
"Oh, shut the fuck up Disney Reject."
Silence filled the room, and the only sounds that he heard was the blood pounding in his ears. They all looked at him in shock, and even Virgil took a step back. The mask was beginning to crack.
"Patton-"
"Shut up! Everybody just- just shut up!" His voice grew louder until his was almost shouting. "I'm tired of everybody treating me like I'm a child! I'm tried of everybody ignoring me when I want to speak my goddamn mind for once!"
"W-we do listen to you, Patton." Logan tried, but Patton jabbed a finger in his direction, all of the anger that he bottled for years washing over him in waves.
"Falsehood. Every time I try to help Thomas, you two-" he pointed his finger at Roman "- would treat my ideas as invalid! I didn't appeared for three videos, and in two of them you made it your fucking business to keep it that way. Have you ever thought for even a second how that made me feel? Have you ever stopped to realize that I'm not as dumb as I appear? I'm multidimensional, dammit! I have a beating heart! So why do you treat me like shit? Why? I don't-" his voice cracked, fat tears streaming down his cheeks. "I don't understand what I did wrong."
When he realized what he said, he felt fear stabbed his heart. He refused to look up and did the only thing that felt right. He sank to the floor and entered the Mind Palace.
Virgil entered his room, his hands shaking in agitation as he looked around. When they didn't find Patton in his room, they all decided to split up to cover more ground. He had no idea why he decided to start in his bedroom first, but it was worth a shot.
His judgement proved to be correct as he saw a mass of curly brown hair poking from underneath a thick blanket. The huddled form didn't moved, although he heard soft sniffles coming from it. He sighed and walked over to the couch, tapping the bundle once, a distant memory of him doing the very same thing surfacing in his mind.
"Patty-Cakes? You in there?"
For a moment, he stayed silent. Then he nodded slowly, refusing to show his face to Virgil. That's okay- he didn't need to see him to comfort him. He sat down on the small space left and thought for a moment on what he should do. "Justice is a dish best served cold. Do you wanna know why?"
Nothing. He knew that he was still listening to him though and continued.
"If it was served warm it would be just water."
There was a pause before he heard a soft snicker, and Patton pushed the blanket back to reveal his tear-stained face. "That was horrible." He sounded so tired, and even though a few minutes passed since his outburst, his blood-shot eyes were considerably dark underneath. Despite that, he refused to move from his spot. Virgil laid on top of him, and when Patton didn't told him to get off, he resumed the conversation.
"Do you mind telling me what happened back there?"
The response was immediate. "No."
He shrugged. "That's fine. Do you want me to tell you more puns?"
They stayed like that for God knows how long. Patton was no longer hiding himself from Virgil, yet he still kept the blanket wrapped tightly around his body. He stopped crying, and the dark circles seemed to stop growing, so they weren't in any immediate danger. Still, they were dancing around the topic for far too long. "Dad, when was the last time you confronted your feelings?"
The answer didn't came immediately. The tired smile from before came back with a vengeance and he avoided his gaze when he finally responded. "Apart from Moving On, years." He laughed dryly. "You probably think I'm useless, don't you? The only thing I'm good for is comedic relief. The others seem to agree."
Virgil took his hand and looked him dead in the eyes. "Patton, I swear to God if you say one more negative thing about yourself, I will physically fight you. You are not useless, you're amazing."
Patton rolled his eyes. "You know that's how everyone see me as. Thomas only view me as being this endless pocket of happiness, Logan only views me as an idiot, and Roman only see me as a clumsy prince who needs saving. That's what they think I am. Why should I let my true emotions show when they only want me for what they see me as?"
Anxiety shook his head. "Patton, that's not what we see you as. Sure, you're the goofball of the family, but that's not who you are. You are multidimensional, and if the others can't see that, then they're the ones who need to change. What you're feeling right now isn't wrong, and it's okay to take it out in a positive way." He could not emphasize that enough. Fresh tears welled in Patton's eyes and he collapsed into his arms with a sob. Virgil soothed him with kind words and compliments, and when he was finally finished, the light side gave him a watery yet genuine smile. It was the first time he'd seen him smile like that in a long time.
"Do you feel better?"
"I still feel like shit, but otherwise I'm fine." Patton's eyes widen when he realized what he said and pressed his hands over his mouth, a look of shame washing over his face. "I should probably stop cursing now, should I? This is the second time I'm cursing around you, and I'm not exactly living up to my father reputation if I swear every minute."
Virgil gave him a playful smirk. "I dunno Dad. I think you should continue!"
"Fuck off."
The anxious side laughed, and even Patton giggled under his breath. When they lapsed into silence, he spoke again. "Thanks for helping me, kiddo."
He shrugged. "Anything for you, padre. Just remember that you can talk to us if you ever feel this way again."
He nodded and reached over to give him one final hug before leaving the room with his dad's hand in his. He knew that he was absolutely terrified of what might happen once they leave his room, but he was willing to face the others and their questions. Virgil knew that what Patton is feeling won't go away in a day- he should know, he's been dealing with thoughts like that ever since he was created. But he knew how important it is to talk about it, and he could already see the difference on Patton's face now.
Virgil knew that Patton is going to be okay. He wished he could say the same to himself.