Chapter Text
The inn's maid leaves as soon as she's brought up dinner. He Xuan drops his human guise almost before the latch clicks shut behind her.
Shi Qingxuan is leaning on the window, wine cup in hand, watching the people go by on the street below. Between the drinks and the angle of the sun, his eyes are half-closed and his face looks peaceful. His freshly clean hair blows gently in the spring breeze. Even in threadbare clothes, he looks the part of the young lord pouring wine.
When He Xuan sits at the table, Shi Qingxuan turns that half-lidded look towards him. "Come eat," He Xuan orders.
"Bossy," Shi Qingxuan accuses lightly, but he slides bonelessly off the windowsill.
He's wobbly as he crawls over to the low table, already drunk. He'd answered He Xuan's invitation easily for once; He Xuan doesn't know if Shi Qingxuan is more willing to accept his forgiveness today or if he just really needed the drink, and he's not going to ask. He focuses instead on the fact that Shi Qingxuan readily picks up the chopsticks. He looks like he's finally starting to gain some weight back.
Dinner is comfortable enough, though they mostly eat in silence. He Xuan is in a good mood; he'd never let himself enjoy times like this before . Now he can pour Shi Qingxuan another cup of wine without worrying about what sort of meaningless babble will come out of his mouth later.
"He-xiong, this one's good. Have you tried it?" Shi Qingxuan doesn't even finish the question before he's scooting around the table to add some sort of vegetable to He Xuan's plate. This, too, is familiar: it would've been simpler to lean over the table, but Shi Qingxuan wants an excuse.
As expected, Shi Qingxuan doesn't move back after. He sits up long enough to grab his cup, sits back down next to He Xuan too heavily, and tips over almost into He Xuan's lap.
"Sor-" Shi Qingxuan starts to move, but He Xuan catches him and pulls him to lean against his shoulder.
"You're drunk," he says. He keeps his arm around Shi Qingxuan's waist.
Shi Qingxuan laughs. "Obviously." He wiggles, getting into a more comfortable position, and drains what's left in his miraculously unspilled cup. "This wine's really good. I wonder where the inn gets it from?"
That's the sort of thing Shi Qingxuan always wondered about when he had the money to buy as much alcohol as he wanted. He Xuan says, "It's not like we can't come back here."
Shi Qingxuan hums agreeably, tilting his head back at a ridiculous angle to look at He Xuan. He Xuan lets him stare and keeps eating.
This continues. It seems like Shi Qingxuan should be getting a crick in his neck by now.
"He-xiong?" Shi Qingxuan asks.
"Hm?" He Xuan swallows and glances over, and sees the serious look on Shi Qingxuan's face.
"Do you know I still love you?"
He Xuan goes very still, watching as Shi Qingxuan seems to realize what he's said.
"Sorry," Shi Qingxuan murmurs, shifting to move away, but He Xuan keeps him in his grip. Stymied, Shi Qingxuan curls on himself, hiding behind the curtain of his hair.
"'Still'?" He Xuan asks.
Shi Qingxuan nods.
"I thought you didn't remember," says He Xuan, "what you said when you'd had enough to get overly affectionate."
"I thought it was better if I acted that way," Shi Qingxuan says quietly, "but it wasn't like I didn't mean it. Being drunk just makes me more willing to say things when I know I shouldn't."
'Ming-xiong, I love you~' He Xuan had been so used to Shi Qingxuan's inappropriate, over-the-top expressions of friendship. He'd assumed it was the wine talking, as fake as everything else about their relationship.
Shi Qingxuan continues, "You never responded, but I kept wanting to say it in case anything ever changed." There's a long pause before Shi Qingxuan takes a deep breath and adds, "Now everything's changed, and I realized I love you again, but I don't even know what we are."
Shi Qingxuan has always been more open with his affections, while such words have been locked away deep inside He Xuan ever since he died. There are so, so many reasons he'd never answered Shi Qingxuan before.
He tugs Shi Qingxuan into his lap, and Shi Qingxuan comes easily, pliant and still too light. Smoothing the hair out of Shi Qingxuan's face reveals that same serious expression from before, maybe nervous, maybe hopeful. He Xuan presses their foreheads together, wrapping himself around Shi Qingxuan.
"I don't know either," he admits quietly. Shi Qingxuan relaxes slightly. He's still looking expectant, and He Xuan knows what he wants to hear but he can't. He Xuan shifts, rearranging them slightly so he can hold Shi Qingxuan closer. "I'm not letting you get away from me again," he says.
Shi Qingxuan bursts out laughing, tension leaving him all at once. He's never been a maudlin drunk.
"He-xiong," he manages, "why would you say it like that?" He giggles helplessly. "So creepy!"
Annoyed, He Xuan nips his neck, making Shi Qingxuan yelp. He keeps up his assault, nibbling red marks onto the sensitive skin while Shi Qingxuan squirms and laughs himself breathless. Another proper bite and Shi Qingxuan gasps, "Mercy! Mercy!"
In response to Shi Qingxuan's half-hearted struggles, He Xuan loosens his grip. Shi Qingxuan leans back, supporting himself against the table as he catches his breath. He's red-faced, eyes shining and disheveled all over.
"This is why He-xiong has so few friends," Shi Qingxuan says cheekily, like he's daring He Xuan to do something more. "You're a weirdo."
He Xuan debates for a moment before shifting Shi Qingxuan to the side, freeing one arm while keeping Shi Qingxuan against him with the other. He's feeling too sticky to let Shi Qingxuan go right now. One handed, he refills Shi Qingxuan's cup and pushes it into his hands.
"Be good and let me finish eating," He Xuan says.
"No fun," Shi Qingxuan pouts.
"We're the same age, so why are you acting like a brat?" He Xuan chides.
Shi Qingxuan nuzzles his face against He Xuan's collarbone. "I'm happy," he admits quietly. "Because, He-xiong never responded before. So even if you can't say things like a normal person, it still makes me very happy." He takes a drink, then adds, "Besides, you're the one who keeps refilling my cup, so you don't get to judge how I act."
"So this is my fault," He Xuan clarifies as he sets back in on his cooling plate.
"If you don't want me to act drunk, don't get me drunk," Shi Qingxuan explains sagely.