Chapter Text
This morning is the same as the last ones have been. Dew lies softly on the ground. Birds sing their brittle songs. The heavy, late-summer air shifts around Jude as she sprints down paved roads, sweat rolling down her neck, heart pumping. Her sneakers grip the gravel just right as she propels herself forward, forcing her body faster and faster. Jude loves running, she started doing it regularly three years ago when she would visit Vivi in the mortal world. She doesn’t remember why it began, but it had something to do with not wanting to be closed up indoors, or feeling anxious and jittery. Perhaps both. From then, it became something she liked even when she felt perfectly fine.
Jude has not felt fine lately.
She arrived at Vivi’s house a week ago, a month or so earlier than they had planned for her to. It was unannounced, but Vivi and her latest girlfriend, Aleena, didn’t seem to mind. They let her take the guest bedroom with no questions asked, which worked well for Jude because she had no answers to give.
She’s been restless. Jude knows something is off with herself, but she hasn’t been able to pinpoint the reason. It’s kept her awake for so many days she’s begun to lose count. Cardan has noticed, and is convinced it has to do with a recent fight they had. It was ugly and loud, but they made up quickly, and Jude paid no mind to it after. She thought for a short time that it might have to do with the pressure of ruling, but dismissed it eventually because she genuinely feels comfortable with her status now.
Six years have passed since she’s been the High Queen. In that time, the unrest at Jude’s position has dwindled. There are still the occasional threats, but no more than there are to the High King himself. Most of the Folk have come to terms with her, or have been thoroughly distracted by the many feasts and revels the over time to care much. At one point, a small war was fought between the Crown and a sizable group of those opposing their rule, and it was won after mere months. Oak returned, for what was supposed to be permanently, sometime over a year ago. Cardan and Jude, with palpable tension, were nevertheless fully ready to step down so that he may take the throne, as promised.
He refuses to rule to this day, and splits his time between the mortal world and Faerie, claiming he wants nothing to do with being king.
So Cardan and Jude have continued to reign side by side. Jude is happier than she could ever hope to describe, despite the pull in her gut that tells her something isn’t quite right anymore.
Her thighs shake, the burn scorching through to her feet. Her fingers have gone numb, and she stumbles to a stop in front of Vivi’s front lawn. As she laces her fingers behind her head, sucking in air, she begins to walk up the driveway.
Inside, no one is awake yet. Jude grabs a glass of water, and a short glance at the clock on the microwave tells her it’s 8:13 AM. Jude left at 5:30. Her eyes squeeze shut as she attempts to calm her breathing, but her heartbeat is still wild behind her ribs. She can feel the lingering flush on her skin The sweat on her body turns cold and sticky too quickly.
Almost too late, she recognizes what’s going to happen.
She’s in the bathroom down the hall in seconds, slamming the door behind her, hunching over the toilet, the back of her throat becoming wet before an overwhelming wave of nausea has her gagging, throwing up the water she just drank.
This is another reason why she’s been on edge: bouts of nausea. It has been happening for over a month and trying to hide it from Cardan was getting to be too tiring. That’s how she found herself in the mortal world earlier than scheduled. Jude’s never had a problem like this before and she’s been chalking it up to stress, but the longer it goes on, the less sure she is about it. About anything, really.
At some point, Vivi knocks on the door.
“Jude?” Her voice is tired and annoyed. “Are you throwing up again?”
Jude wipes at her mouth and leans her cheek against her arm across the toilet. “Go away.”
“That’s the fourth time this week,” Vivi says. Jude can hear footsteps outside the bathroom and harsh whispers, before they recede. She doesn’t know how long she sits there on the floor, but she feels groggy and frustrated, and after all that’s been going on, she wants to cry.
There’s another knock on the door. Jude lifts her head as Aleena walks in, all long legs and deep, dark skin. She kneels before Jude with a bag in her hands, worry etched across the smooth skin of her face. Her winged eyeliner is sharp and bright yellow.
“Are you alright?” She asks softly, pressing the back of her hand to Jude’s forehead. Jude really likes Aleena, she’s sweet, brilliant, and doesn’t put up with Vivi’s shit. She also doesn’t mind the whole Faerie thing. “How’s the Queen doing?”
Jude huffs a small laugh and gives her a tired smile. “I’m fine. Just pushed myself too hard, I suppose.”
Aleena raises an eyebrow. After a moment, she says, “These are from Vi and me. Come out when you’re ready,” and she leaves, gently shutting the door behind her. Jude looks down at the bag she’s left her with and hesitates before reaching for it.
As soon as she processes what the contents of the bag are, the color drains from her face and she’s immediately embarrassed.
The boxes stare back at her, intimidating and filling her with a sense of dread.
That’s —
Jude drops the bag, her hands shaking. She takes a deep breath, then another, and dares to look down again, and, yes, those are most definitely what she thinks they are. Humans use them to test for pregnancy.
Heat takes over her. It shouldn’t be possible, they’ve been too busy to spend that much time together recently save for some early walks and lounging around, and then the unsettling feeling Jude’s suffering from started and things between them became slightly strained. She can’t remember if they—
No, wait, yes, there was one time, recently —
Shit.
Her body stills as it dawns on her that there really could be a possibility. It was a few months ago, maybe. They had just woken up, and the gentle touching slowly turned to soft kisses, which turned to sleepy sex and Jude had honestly forgotten about it completely.
Panic pierces through her and she tears open the first box, the two tests inside falling into her palm. She doesn’t know exactly how to use them, but she can guess, and after the quickest skim over the instructions, Jude is yanking her tight leggings down and sticking one between her legs.
The waiting is the hardest part. Jude doesn’t usually bite her nails, but she finds herself chewing on them and goes to gulp water from the sink instead as a distraction. Pacing only gets her so far in the small room, shoes squeaking against the small tiles and padding over the bath mat near the toilet over and over again. She can hear her sister in the kitchen, presumably pouring bowls of cereal. Anxiety rushes in her chest, spiking in her fingers. She might throw up again.
Finally, she can’t stand waiting any longer. Jude snatches the test from the counter and tries to give herself a second to breathe before looking.
Her stomach drops.
Oh.
She doesn’t let herself think. Tears spring to her eyes involuntarily as she rips open the next test and repeats her process, pressing on her bladder.
Jude doesn’t notice the time passing now, she keeps her gaze trained on the wall in front of her until the results show up.
Sure enough, there’s a faint line glaring up at her, just like the last one.
Oh, no.
Her mind goes blank. She wrenches the door open, marching right by Aleena and Vivi to the fridge. They watch as she gulps as many glasses of water as she can, not saying a word. Then she barricades herself in the bathroom again as soon as she sets her cup down. Jude doesn’t leave until the other box of tests are sitting on the counter, four in total with soft pink symbols all telling her the same thing.
Her fear comes slow as reality sets in, then all at once.
No, no, no, no —
Jude’s back hits the wall, and then she’s sliding to the ground, her head in her hands, and all she can think is: this can’t be happening, I can’t have a baby, I won’t be a good mother, what will I tell Cardan?
Cardan.
“Fuck,” she whispers. And suddenly, her thoughts jump right into what her next steps should be. She purposely doesn’t think about what will come later, setting those aside to freak out about another time. Right now, she’s going to view this as a problem she needs to fix. She blots at sweat she didn’t realize had gathered on her face before she stands. Her feet have taken her back out the door before she really processes it. Then, she’s standing in the kitchen again, exhaustion weighing on her shoulders, Aleena and her sister looking at her expectantly.
“I’m pregnant,” she says without any warning, no real emotion behind it. A flash of amusement crosses Vivi’s face, and Aleena looks sympathetic. There’s a lengthy pause where none of them say a word, Jude’s announcement hanging thick in the air between them. Vivi clears her throat.
“Well, no surprise there,” she says, and Aleena slaps her on the shoulder.
“I don’t know what to... “ Jude trails off. She’s floundering right now, which is a state no one ever gets to see her in. “What to tell him,” she finishes, hating the vulnerability of her words.
Aleena crosses the kitchen to stand before her and takes her hands. “Just tell him the truth.”
Jude laughs stiffly. It’s funny, because though Aleena likes Cardan, every time they’re in the same room they bicker, and she calls him a drama queen. Jude wonders how Aleena would handle telling a melodramatic mythical creature that she’s pregnant with his child.
“That’s easier said than done,” she says, pulling her hands from Aleena and taking her hair out of her ponytail, combing her hands through the strands. She sighs. “How do you tell the bratty High King of Elfhame he’s going to be a father?”
Vivi snorts. Jude folds her arms in front of her.
“I’m sure he’ll take it like everyone else would,” Aleena offers.
“But Cardan has never given any indication he wants children, we always— he just—” Jude is gesturing now, words tumbling out of her mouth uncharacteristically. “His past wasn’t very — oh, damn, I just don’t know what to do.”
It isn’t until Vivi touches her, hands on her shoulders and pulling her into her arms that Jude stops rambling. They don’t get this close very often.
“It’ll be okay,” she says, voice low and confident, ”Just tell him, he’ll be fine. He loves you, you know that.”
Jude relaxes a bit. She knows Vivi is right. She needs to tell him, then they will announce it to the Court. The thought makes her queasy all over again, but she knows there will surely be some who are pleased that the High King and Queen will have an heir. After that… Well, she hasn’t gotten that far. If she thinks about it, she’ll absolutely lose it.
“Right,” she mumbles into Vivi’s shoulder before pulling away, straightening her posture, trying to compose herself. “I’m going to go. I have to… I have to go and tell him.”
Aleena looks alarmed. “Right now? Are you sure you wouldn’t want to stay and get him to come here? Summon him, or something?”
“No,” Jude says, “I want to go home. I need to go home.”
"Should I come with you?" Vivi asks. Jude shakes her head and steps away, a sudden, deep longing spreading through her chest. She's disoriented, this all feels unreal, like she's watching it happen from outside her body.
“Okay,” Aleena says, understanding in her eyes. She steps up next to her girlfriend and takes her hand. “Do you need to get anything ready?”
“No, I have everything I need, you know all of my mortal belongings stay here."
She's in a true rush to leave. It's strange. Minutes ago she wasn’t sure when she would ever go. The whiplash should be startling to her, but it isn’t.
Jude does grab Nightfell from the guest room and throws away the pregnancy tests, but aside from that, she really has nothing else with her. She’ll return in her dirty tank top and pants; she doesn’t care, she just needs to get back.
She leaves swiftly, giving a hug to Aleena and a nod to Vivi before striding toward the front door of the house. As she closes it behind her, Aleena calls after her.
“Jude!”
She looks back over her shoulder, butterflies fluttering in her belly, and meets Aleena’s dark eyes.
“Congratulations,” she says with a big smile and soft eyes. The flash of anxiety is back, and Jude tries her hardest to appreciate that Aleena is trying to make her feel better. She barely manages a smile.
“Yeah,” says Vivi, “You better make me the godmother, or something.”
And though it’s full of nerves, Jude laughs, then shuts the door. She wishes she could go back in time to when she woke this morning, but the last thirty minutes have felt so pivotal. It's almost as if she knew change was going to come. Her life, as insane as it already is, has just taken a turn once more.