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Simon
I can’t help but feel like I’m pushing him. All this time I’ve been focused on myself when he’s the one who matters in the equation. He’s everything to me, and I’ll fuck everything up by being a self-centered ass before my loss of magic and my increasing ennui pushes him away.
“You want this, right?” I ask him between kisses. He looks at me like he’s about to attack me. Or, as I found out when we got together, like he wants to snog me. I still can’t believe he liked me for so long. I’m oblivious. Baz calls me daft. He’s right.
“What do you think, Snow,” he sneers, though it falls flat when he buries a hand in my hair and tugs on it to expose my neck. I eagerly follow his lead. His mouth is tracing lines between the freckles and the mole on my neck when I swallow and talk again.
“No, really,” I get out through a moan. He pushes up onto his elbows and leans over me. His hair is sticking to his skin with sweat and his lips are shining with spit. It’s hotter than it should be. Instinctively, I follow him up and rest back onto my own arms.
“Snow, if you think I don’t want you right now,” he groans and grabs my hand. He pulls it to his cheek and nuzzles into it, placing a soft kiss against my palm.
“You set the pace, Baz,” I tell him. Does he notice how shaky my voice is?
“Says you,” he scoffs.
“What does that mean?”
“I’m letting you set the pace, you numpty.” He calls me a numpty when he’s cross with me.
“I don’t want to,” I counter.
“What do you want then?”
Baz still has my hand held to his face, but his breathing is not as heavy as before and his pupils not as dilated. I whine, frustrated with this turn of events.
“I don’t know what I want.” I slump down into the sheets with a huff. It’s true, partly. I know some things I would like to try, but I don’t know if I want to ask him about any of them. I don’t know if he would be okay with it. I don’t know if my questions will distance him from me even more.
“How about…” He starts. “How about I take the lead, for now, and if I do anything you don’t want, you tell me no.”
I shake my head, not in disapproval of his suggestion but in fear of giving up control. He raises a perfectly shaped eyebrow at me and I sigh. He knows me too well.
“I want to, but... I’m afraid, Baz.” It’s all I can manage to say for now and I think he knows it. I can see the question burning on his tongue, What are you afraid of?, but ironically he’s afraid to ask it and I would be afraid to answer it.
“Just try,” he says instead. When I still hesitate, he continues.
“I trust you, Simon. I trust you to tell me no. Merlin knows you’ve yelled at me to stop plotting enough to last both our lifetimes.”
I close my eyes to hide away from his gaze, which now feels like it reaches all the way inside me and tugs at my heart, laying me bare. Then I open them again because even a second of looking away from him is a second too long. I don’t know what to say to assure him I’m alright to continue, so I just surge up and meet his mouth with mine instead.
His hand is on my wang.
I startle from the sudden development. Baz’s brows furrow and he pulls away.
“Too much?” He asks. Too little, I want to say. I open my mouth to speak, but no sound comes out. My heart is pounding in my chest and I’m sure Baz can feel it. I think of when I used to be brave, remember how I felt when jumping head first into danger. I borrow some of the courage from my past self, from the person Baz fell in love with. I’m a fraud who doesn't deserve it, but I have a rush of confidence that makes me clasp his hand in mine and guide it back down. He gets the message.
It feels… Fuck, it feels really good.
Baz
I’m terrified. This is the furthest we’ve gone and I don’t want Simon to push me away again. Not because I want to have sex. I do, but I don’t mind if we never get any closer to it than this. Everything is subpar to spending time with him. I don’t want him to push me away because that would mean a big step back when I’m trying to encourage him to pursue what he wants. I know he wants me. It terrifies me.
I’m scared out of my wits, but the look on Simon’s face urges me to carry on.
I let myself suck a mark into his neck. Playing with fire never felt this good. The golden haired boy beneath me groans when I start moving the hand on his cock. He looks divine. I want to devour him. (I want to bite him). I’m terrified he will ask me to.
Simon
I feel limitless. Baz’s palm is rough and unusually warm against me. His grip is tight and I can’t help but thrust up into it. I can hear moaning and after a minute I realise the sound is coming from me. It’s overwhelming. I’m greedily seeking out my pleasure from Baz, my hot vampire boyfriend, the one and same who’s currently grazing his (regular) teeth across a love bite on my neck, a love bite he left there just a few moments before.
“I love you so much,” I cry out.
Baz
Well that’s new.
Simon
Everything becomes more intense after my confession. More desperate. I think I’m crying, but I’m so happy.
Baz is jerking me off, slow strokes to rival the franticness of our kiss. I scrape my teeth against his bottom lip and he whines into my mouth. I’m reminded of his own desire when his cock twitches against my thigh. He’s still wearing jeans. They're snug in all the right places. I untangle one of my hands from his hair and slide it down to his bum. I grab him there and pull him into me as an encouragement to him to seek out his own pleasure. I give it a squeeze and he keens against me.
Baz
Magic crawls across my skin. Familiar magic that fills my nostrils with a scent of thick smoke.
Simon
I feel alive. Every nerve in my body is lit up, every neuron in my brain is firing. My lower body twitches when Baz uses his free hand to push against the base of my dick. I feel like I’m about to combust. Like I’m about to go off. I wrap my hand around the one he has wrapped around me, linking our fingers. It’s clumsy and the angle is worse, but he draws back so he can look me in the eyes and I know I would give him all that I am. He already has all of me.
I feel like I’m about to go off, but Baz is here and he's everything so I relish control and let myself go.
Baz
I don’t think he realises what’s going on. I don’t know what’s going on. I stop thinking when his climax hits. I feel him jerk in my grip and he pulses out spend that lands across our linked hands. Wave by wave, his orgasm overcomes him and channels through to me. I feel surge after surge of what I can only describe as Simon's essence enter my body and mingle and intertwine with my magic and it brings my over the edge too. I grind against Simon’s thigh and kiss him, though it’s less of a kiss and more just us breathing into each other. I think our teeth clash at one point but I can’t be bothered to care. I’ve never felt this good in all of my cursed, charmed life.
Crowley, I think when my brain reboots. I’m still hard.
Simon
I’ve given him everything and now he’s taking what’s left. Panting, I attempt to return the kiss he demands from me through aftershocks. He’s trembling in my arms. I roll us over and shove my thigh into the V of his groin, meeting his thrusts.
Baz
I’ve been reduced to a whimpering mess. The corners of my eyes are wet with unshed tears. It’s all so much. He’s so much. I come again when he whispers to me that he loves me. My jeans are chafing, Simon’s weight on my ribcage is making me short of breath, and his spunk is crusting on my hand. But I’m so warm all over and I can’t stop shaking from the sheer overwhelming pleasure this boy brings me.
“Merlin, Snow,” I moan when I find my voice again. “I love you too.”
He grins at me and even though the room is dark, it’s like the sun is rising right in front of my blessed eyes.
Simon
My skin buzzes with affection. It feels like we’re soaring, like that night when Baz brought the stars down to us. I smile into his mouth as our lips meet again.
Baz
Tomorrow I will tell Simon that I think he used magic. Tomorrow he will be back to second-guessing this, us. To doubting if I want this, if I want him. Of course I want him. He would be a fool to not realise it. (He is a fool, but so am I). (A lovesick fool). But now, removed from the insecurities of his unkind brain, Simon's eyes drift closed and his kisses turn lazy. I spell us clean, tapping into the remnant of the boost he gave me.
“I love you,” I whisper in his direction. He murmurs it back to me.
We’ll be alright.