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“I have been in love with you for so long I can’t even remember when it started” he said, the volleyball in his hands rotating in a too familiar gesture. Hinata was caught breathless for a second that stretched almost infinite, his head torn between following his movements and trying to make sense of his words. “I thought you knew, but I suppose I underestimated how much of a dumbass you truly are”
And with that, Kageyama Tobio soared to spike, the ball hitting the other side of the gym with a sound that could have been a thunder. He hit the ground with the unexpected grace he had acquired in this last year, blowing a breath, a satisfied smile in his face. It lasted a second or two, and then it was gone, and Kageyama was serious again, frowning a bit when he finally whipped his head towards the other side of the net, where Shouyo was standing.
Shouyo trembled a bit as he was caught staring, and there was this sudden moment of tension, a frightening feeling that he didn't know Kageyama at all, because this boy, in his black uniform had just said something unimaginable, and Shouyo couldn’t understand anything. He had to do something, to stop him, to talk, but he was overwhelmed, looking up because he couldn’t stop watching, his heart beating so loud he felt like he was going to die.
And then, Kageyama had teared his gaze apart, walking up to the doors of the gym, bowing deeply, muttering a ‘thanks for these three years’ that sounded too much like a goodbye and disappearing into the too bright sunset.
It was the end of their first year, and Tobio realized he could never be captain.
He remembered Daichi-san's composure more than anything else. How he keep trying to stand even when his knees gave up. He remembered how Sugawara-san, Azumane-san, Shimizu-senpai and Daichi-san had bowed to the gym of their last match, when everything had been so fast and bright, he was still breathless from the loss, but there was no anger in him.
It had been one of the best matches of his life, with Kourai golden eyes looking at him from the other side of the net. There was no shame to lose to such a team. If there was one regret, it was, of course, that Hinata was not there.
Still, he had watched them bow. It had taken a few seconds to sink in the fact that he wouldn't play with this team again. That it was over for them, even if Karasuno could try again next year. The team wouldn't be the same.
And Tobio didn't know how to feel about that. He just knew he didn't want to let go.
It was a sadness that wasn't his. And for a reason he didn't want to acknowledge, he missed Hinata more than anything.
It had been this team, this people who had accepted him completely, a king with a wild court, the first time in his life he had been the part of something, something great. This was Kageyama Tobio in first year, lost and then found.
He could see Sugawara-san crying a bit while hugging Yaku-san. But Daichi-san had looked almost regal while shaking his hand with Kuroo-san, saying their goodbyes with a smile that didn’t seem to fit the moment, demure in the edges. Like it wasn’t truly the last match of their highschool life.
Nishinoya-san had standed abruptly, walking with the confidence Kageyama had come to admire, clapping Azumane-san in the back, with glowing smile in his face. And then he was gone again, the rest of the second years following his steps, bowing at their senpais like a goodbye.
Ennoshita was going to be captain now, he realized. And then, who?
Someone else. Someone among them.
But it could never be him, for he knew that there was no way to shut down his heart when it came to volleyball. Tobio didn’t have it in him to act so reserved when he was torn inside. The court was his life, and he couldn’t fathom being there, shaking hands and smiling pleasantly when it was over. If that was what it mean to be a king, he didn’t want it.
He could never keep that sort of calm. He could never bow.
He was never going to be captain. But he thought of defiant eyes and a sunny smile, the rivals they had made along the way. He was so scared of the day he had to say goodbye to Karasuno.
Because volleyball would never be the same now.
And so, with his eyes burning, he turned around, out of the court.
Shouyo didn't know what to do with himself in second year.
He was suddenly a senpai, someone both feared and revered. Someone known.
The Decoy.
Karasuno had eager first years who had seen their match against Shiratorizawa or Aoba Johsai or Nekoma. Some of them had come to a decision seeing them battle Kourai of Kamomedai. Those were the best and worst, because he had to live up to the legend they thought he was. He found himself asking Kageyama if that how the rest of his highschool going to be.
"Of course. You are supposed to bring attention to you, that the whole point of being a decoy" he said, frowning like Shouyo was dumb for asking. So this was his place now, above the wall. This was his place, and nothing was scarier "At least it's better than being a king"
And that was his place, at Kageyama's side.
"But the first years are terrified of me" he protested, only for being contrite. He couldn't help it, it was an habit brought by a whole year of being with Kageyama.”And being a King is cool, it’s just that your face is too scary for them to try to talk to you”
"They are terrified of everyone" Kageyama said, ignoring the comment and signaling with a shake of his head because he didn't know how to be discreet. The first years almost dropped the net, both scared and surprised to have Kageyama’s attention. Shouyo couldn’t blame them "We were the same."
Kageyama had grown taller, and he was a little bit intimidating now. It was unfair, really, looking up at him. His hair was shorter, his eyes sharp and he looked a little bit more mature. The first years were always whispering about him, his past in Kitagawa Daiichi no longer following his steps. Now, he was the genius setter of Karasuno, the unpredictable one with a spike that made him look like he was flying. Hinata admired him more than he would ever be able to put into words. Kageyama had grown, he was patient and sometimes he relapsed to his bad habits, but most of the time, he took care of everyone. It was a little bit like Suga-san, except with more yelling.
"That's true. Daichi-san was scary." he said, because he remembered being kicked of the gym. And all those times Daichi-san had yelled at them to go home because they always stayed too long to practice. Asahi-san had been scary too, but that was brief.
"Sugawara-san was scarier"
"Really? But Suga-san was always so nice!" he said, surprised. Kageyama gave him a weird look and scoffed, crossing his arms and shifting his weight from one feet to the other. Shouyo pretended to not notice his movements, because Kageyama had caught him staring before, and it was sort of embarrassing even if he didn’t know why.
"Ask Yamaguchi, he was the one there when Sugawara-san almost got into a fight with a referee"
"Really?"
"Stop talking, you two, we still have to clean" chimed Kinoshita-san, making them both jump. Kageyama had his scary face on, but Kinoshita-san had learned to ignore it. "Besides, he didn't get to fight him. He would have, though, if we had lost that match. Suga-san likes violence more than he lets on"
"See? He was the scary one"
"Shut up, Bakageyama" he hissed, earning a grin from Kageyama. Shouyo scowled at him, another habit he had yet to acknowledge, baring his teeth at him when Kageyama snorted.
“Shouyo! Come over here or I will make Kageyama not toss to you tomorrow” roared Noya-san, making the first years giggle. It was probably an empty threat, but Shouyo complaid still. Kageyama had taken his job pilling volleyballs while bickering with Tsukishima, so he had to help too.
It was almost weird. Kageyama was a tad bit easier to speak now, at least for everybody else, but they were still together most of the time. And Shouyo knew they had been close. Closer than before, maybe. He knew things about Kageyama nobody else seemed to notice. And some weekends, Kageyama would end up in Hinata's house, playing with Natsu and jogging his way back to his own house. Sometimes Hinata called him, in the middle of the night, voicing his worries and his plans. Making them real just by putting them into words. Kageyama would always listen. And Hinata never corrected him when he said "our future" instead of mine or yours, because sometimes it felt like there was no way to have a future without him.
Some nights Kageyama would just say "I miss Karasuno" and Hinata would retell the last match, how he had seen it back in the hospital waiting room. He didn’t know how to feel about those nights, but he had learned to act like nothing happened, like this was normal. It was their new normal, maybe, being so close, almost vulnerable with each other. He really didn’t know what to make of that. So he didn’t think about it too much.
Those days were different. They hadn't played that many matches. Most teams had been all scrambled after their captains left, and Karasuno was, as Takeda-sensei put it, burn out. Aoba Johsai still was a force to be feared, but Fukurodani was too weak now, even with Akaashi-san as their captain. And they had Ennoshita-san, who could be almost as scary as Daichi-san when he wanted to be.
They had Noya-san too, who seemed to get better after every match, an unstoppable force with a ferocious smile that every team had learned to fear. He was a genius only matched by Kageyama himself, and now it was more clear than ever. And then there was Tanaka, who was their ace, tamer now that he had a girlfriend from another school, some childhood friend who also played volleyball, he didn’t pick up fights with other schools anymore, but in the court he was merciless, bickering with Kageyama when he felt like it. They had their senpais, but it was not the same.
The glory they shared in their first year didn't come back.
And so, Hinata didn't know what to do with himself.
"HEY, dumbass, stop stalling and help out" he heard Kageyama, because of course. Every time he would felt out of place, Kageyama was there.
So Hinata scowled without any meaning behind it and put himself to work.
They still had a year.
It took Tobio until the end of their second year to admit that it had to be Hinata.
He was not stupid enough to not notice how close they were now, even if Tsukishima, years later, would point out that he only found out because of Yamaguchi. There were changes in their routine, sure, but he hadn’t really noticed that now it was their instead of his. The early morning runs, the long talks at night. The hide-and-seek with Natsu, the shared lunch break, the milk Hinata bought him without thinking at least thrice a week, and the bread Tobio would have packed for Hinata to eat after practice. All the little things, making everyday theirs instead of his.
“You know, it’s almost scary how you two are always together this days” was how Yamaguchi started the conversation, his voice sleepy, head against the window. They had just lost a practice match against Yahaba-san and his Mad Dog, Aoba Johsai still scary even after Oikawa had left. Tsukishima had almost cried because he had been off all day, and Yamaguchi had hit him so hard that Hinata had literally jumped between them to try to break the fight “I mean, you were always close, since the start, but now its something more, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know what you meant” he said, trying to sound bored because it was not his responsibility to entertain Yamaguchi just because Tsukishima was pissed with him. Or maybe Yamaguchi was the one pissed off. He really didn’t know. Tobio tried to ignore the way Yamaguchi tilted his head, raising his eyebrows at Hinata nestled by Tobio’s side, deeply asleep. “He is just tired and it would be a pain if he wakes up.”
It was the truth, or at least half of it. Hinata had tired himself trying to make Yamaguchi apologize, and Noya-san had to drag them all to the bus, yelling to them about how stupid it had been to take their personal matters to the court. Kinoshita-san had chimed in to remember him that he had done the exact same in first year. And before it became a bloodbath, Ennoshita had said that none of them were first years anymore. Tanaka-san had been trying to stop Noya-san from saying something else, with Kinoshita-san taking refuge against Narita-san, and all of them had stopped at once, muttering ‘yes, captain’. And just like that, it was over. They had been sprawled over the bus, the first years trying to avoid being near any of them, because at least they were smart. It was a time bomb, with Tsukishima sitting alone in the front.
“Right” Yamaguchi said, dragging the word with a little snicker that sounded too much like Tsukishima. He didn’t comment, because the answer was obvious. After Hinata had tried to break things up between Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, he had basically collapsed by Kageyama’s side in the last seat of the bus. They didn’t get to play often now, and it had been a long match, of course they were all tired “If it wasn’t you two, it would almost be creepy how much you know him”
“I need to know him so I can play my best”
“Yeah, in the court. We are not in the court right now, are we? And yet, you care how he feels.” Yamaguchi said, turning to face Kageyama with a no-nonse attitude that he had been showing more lately. Tobio squirmed a bit under his gaze, the movement making Hinata tug at his sleeve, still sleep “You were worried for the team because of the whole thing between Tsukki and me. But, honestly, you were more worried about Hinata. I mean, we all saw your face when Hinata started panicking in the middle of the court. That’s what you meant by a pain, I think”
“I don’t want the team to fall back because you both can’t control yourselves” he snarled, and Yamaguchi grinned at that. Like he hadn’t punched Tsukishima and left half the team speechless. Even now, Tsukishima was sitting in the front by himself, headphones in place, with Tanaka-san muttering while throwing glances at him. “You can’t do that again in a practice match. Yahaba-san may have found it funny, but otherwise we would have been kicked out. Don’t get in the way of my volleyball”
Yamaguchi looked surprised, and Tobio could almost feel Tsukishima gaze even when he hadn’t turned around. He was sure Tsukishima was listening, at least, because he had tilted his head slightly at that, like he was taken aback too. Tobio could almost hear him, in his head, saying again There is the King.
But he had his answer for that, he thought.
“We will be fine” Yamaguchi muttered, finally. He seemed to notice that Tsukishima was listening, because his whole demeanor had changed. His shoulders dropped, a lopsided grin spreading throughout his face “We have been friends for a long time, after all. But I know you only said that to piss me off so I would stop asking about Hinata”
“That’s not true”
“It’s half true, I think.” he corrected quickly, tapping his head against the window. The grin was still there, and suddenly, he was reminded of Sugawara-san. Ugh. That explained a lot, actually. “I can say that we will be fine because Tsukki and I are childhood friends. But that’s exactly what I don’t understand about you two. What is Hinata to you?”
Tobio had opened his mouth to say something, but found no words. His ‘rival’ didn’t quite fit anymore. His ‘friend’ made him had goosebumps. His ‘teammate’ was true, probably, but it was not enough. Hinata was his Decoy, and he was who made the word King lest of an insult and more of a strength. Tobio had never been this close to another person. He didn’t have a word for it.
“I. That’s. He is.” he sputtered, suddenly angry. Yamaguchi tried to hide his laugh, failing miserably and ducking when Tobio made a half-hearted attempt to grab him. The movement had made Hinata tug harder at his sleeve, frowning in his sleep. “Shut up!”
“You shut up, Yamayama-kun” Hinata muttered, and Tobio got madder, with Yamaguchi laughing out loud, his head against the window. The bus was almost there already, and Kageyama wanted to run.
“Who the hell is Yamayama anyway” he hissed, because Hinata was still half asleep, and he was not pissed enough to wake him. Tsukishima had taken down his headphones, and Tanaka-san was talking to him, voice too quiet to hear. He could see Karasuno already.
“Yamaguchi” Hinata muttered, frowning like he was unsure. Kageyama raised an eyebrow at that, but said nothing, busy trying to fake he didn’t feel Yamaguchi staring at them. “Tobio”
And with just that, he tensed. Hinata muttered something more, but he didnt hear. No matter how close they were, they didn't call each others by their given name. It was just not right, too weird. But right now, hearing him, Tobio felt inexplicably embarrassed.
“You were saying, Tobio?” asked Yamaguchi, still laughing like it was way too funny. Tobio wanted him to make peace with Tsukishima now more than ever just so he could leave them alone. Still, the name made him felt even weirder, now.
“It sounds weird when you said it” he said without thinking, and Yamaguchi grinned again, instantly making him regret it.
“And when Hinata said it?”
Weird, too. But different weird. Warm weird. The bus stopped and Yamaguchi got to his feet, eyes following Tsukishima as he got up. Kageyama hoped they made up, for his sanity sake. And the team as well.
“Different” he huffed, because there was no other answer he could make sense of. Yamaguchi smiled, eyes still glued to Tsukishima as he stepped off the bus.
“Right” he said again, walking towards the exit, not bothering to look back.
Tobio shaked Hinata a couple of times, until he was awake enough to stand, and by the time they got off the bus, Tsukishima was bowing to Yamaguchi, who keep apologizing in panic. Hinata had been fully awake by then, and jumped to them, probably making everything worse by hugging them.
Different, he thought, the rest of the year. Different, when their shoulders bumped together. When they changed in the locker room. When they walked halfway to Hinata’s house. When they had a perfect hit in the court.
Different.
Tsukishima would say it had been obvious, years later. And maybe it had been.
Because whatever Kageyama decided to do, he couldn’t imagine not having Hinata by his side.
Third year found them in a daze.
They didn’t qualify to the nationals last year, and this year, a whole new team made it look impossible to pass. The glory had ended in their first year, and there was no denying it, no going back now. Still, they played with all their passion in the court. They gave their all.
It was not enough.
Yamaguchi had been made captain, and he guided them match after match, rarely losing his calm. All the nervousness and fumbling words were gone, and his confidence made him radiant. Shouyo was proud of him, looking how the new first years came asking ‘Tadashi-san’ for advise. Most first years were still terrified of him, but now he was a third year, so it was to be expected. Kageyama was the scariest, anyway.
Or so it should have been, but he had gathered admirers that feared him as much as they liked him. And there was a new genius in the court of Karasuno, who looked at Kageyama as if he had hanged the stars. He knew how deeply uncomfortable it was, because he had his own firsts years to take care of.
Still, the team barely made it to the nationals. It was better than last year, when they had lost almost every match, and Hinata could still see Kenma’s disappointed face when they didn’t make it to the Inter High. They had played against Shiratorizawa again, and Date Tech. It had been challenging, and Hinata was starting to feel like he could finally breathe again, soaring to spike with all the strength he had been gaining this last year. He knew himself, compact but full of power, he hadn’t grown at all, but he made sure to make himself stronger, because he needed all the strength he could have to match the other aces in the court.
Kageyama had been brilliant, his genius noticed by every recruiter they found, getting opportunities for college all over the country, and some abroad. He played every match like it was the last, and there was a moment after a particularly satisfying combo that he had laughed, right there, in the middle of the court, and Shouyo had felt his chest on fire, seeing him so much like himself, like he was finally whole.
It was the best, to be together against power houses again. Tsukishima’s blocks matching the best teams of their first year, all smug with golden eyes looking down at their rivals, and Tadashi’s serves were feared among every team, all smiles until the ball hit the ground, always scoring them a new point. Their senpais had come to watch, when they finally made it to the nationals, gathering a cheering team lead by Suga-san. Shouyo couldn’t be happier, standing in the biggest court, in Tokyo, staring at new rivals, wanting to play forever.
And suddenly, they lost.
It was a hit to his chest, almost like a bullet, but he had expected it. Their rival team had been too good, and they hadn’t been able to break them. It was first year all over again, except this time they didn’t have another year to improve, to change. It was over, and that hurt more than he could put into words. All he could do was straighten his back, bowing to the other team, biting his lips because no way in hell he was going to cry when Tadashi had to be composed enough to give his farewells to the other captain.
Their first years were crying, and he remembered he had cried too, years ago. He knew his senpais were looking at them up in the benches, and he couldn’t forgive himself if he made them feel bad for them. He couldn’t disappoint them more than this. He had lost. They had lost. And Karasuno was no longer theirs.
Shouyo didn’t want to cry, but it hurt. It hurt so damn much.
And then, a clap to his back, making him almost jump, but Shouyo knew better than to be surprised by how tacless he was. Shouyo closed his eyes, a smile making his way to the corners of his mouth even without meaning to, because it was honestly a bit embarrassing.
“Come on” Kageyama said, the hand in his back moving to grip him by his waist. Shouyo moved with him, letting Kageyama guide him without caring too much where they were going. He was sure that he knew what they were going to do, and he wasn’t ready “Dumbass, don’t cry”
“I’m not crying”
“Then stop making that face”
“Can you two shut up for two fucking seconds? This is the last time, so I want at least a bit of silence” snapped Tsukishima, and Hinata had to look up, noticing that the were in line, standing in front of the big court. Tadashi was by his left side, and Kageyama on the right, his hand still resting on Hinata’s waist. Tsukishima was standing with Tadashi, shifting his weight from one feet to the other, restless, tugging the ends of his curly hair that had grown long enough to get in his eyes. Tadashi smacked him in the chest without taking his gaze of the court, eyes full of tears. “Yamaguchi, stop”
“Shut up, Tsukki”
Oh, this was their goodbye. God, Shouyo wasn’t ready. He took a shaky breath, but it was suffocating, all the emotion too much, hitting him right in the heart. Shouyo felt like his legs would give out any second now, and there was the tightening of his stomach making him almost sick. He didn’t think he could do it. But Kageyama was by his side, shoulders thrown back, regal as a king, and he couldn’t lose. So he took another breath, making a noise like a roar that had Tsukishima scoffing at him.
“For fuck’s sake, Hinata”
“Come on, Shouyo” Tadashi said, laughing a bit even when his voice was trembling. Shouyo felt the tears in his eyes, and Kageyama gave a squeeze to the side of his waist, letting go a second after.
The sudden absence made him a little bit fragile, like Kageyama had been the one holding him together, and now he was breaking into pieces. And he couldn’t take it, all the intense longing, the frustration, the plain sadness. So he bowed deeply to the court, saying nothing, his tears falling to the floor beneath them. He felt the movement, when the others bowed too, and he was sure Tadashi was crying too, sobbing quietly.
It was over.
Just like that, Karasuno was over.
Shouyo suddenly felt like he couldn’t breath, reality sinking in, because he wouldn’t see them again, they wouldn’t wear the same uniform, they wouldn’t be together anymore. This was Karasuno, and it was over. It was too much. Before he could stop himself, the air had left his lungs, the uncertainty of their future rushing in his veins like ice, making him tremble, and he couldn't stay still, because he was going to crumble, and he didn’t want anybody to see. Shouyo felt himself straightening his back, taking in the sight of the the gym one last time, a noise like a sob struck in his throat, and the lights were blinding, the court to bright, too empty, and suddenly, he was sprinting away from them. He had to push other people, other teams, he keep hitting people in his rush and he didn’t know where to go. He just knew he had to go go go leave move now now now.
He knew he was making a fool of himself, that his senpais were watching, but he couldn’t stop or he was going to break. He had reached the bathrooms when Kageyama had finally caught up to him, pulling his arm to stop him. The bathrooms, really. The irony wasn’t lost on him.
“Don’t cry” Kageyama blurted, pulling him closer and taking Shouyo by his wrist. Kageyama pulled him towards him, making Shouyo face him, but holding him close enough that nobody else could see him. It was unfair, really, how thoughtful Kageyama could be when needed, even if he was the worst at talking. Shouyo leaned into him, his forehead hitting Kageyama’s chest, and maybe he wasn’t crying anymore, but god, it hurt. It hurt so much.
“I told you I’m not crying” he muttered, because old habits die hard, he had to be contrite to Kageyama to amend whatever rule of the universe they were breaking by being so close. It felt like that, really, like they were breaking something else to keep Shouyo whole, even if he didn’t know what that ‘something else’ was.
He wasn’t trembling anymore, and Kageyama didn’t let go of his wrist, so they stayed there, breathing together, making Shouyo felt like maybe he wouldn’t be alone. He wasn’t whole, but he was not lonely either. Kageyama had been there, almost always, and they had a future planned, even if it seemed almost impossible now. This close, feeling his warm and his heart, he could almost believe.
Maybe it wasn’t over.
Maybe they could have something more.
Whatever rule they were breaking, it was worthy for this moment.
But then, there was a familiar laugh making him jump and hit Kageyama in the chin, along with a long wolf whistle that he was sure it was Noya-senpai, because Tanaka-san was still laughing, and Shouyo was to mortified to lift his head again. So he grabbed the front of Kageyama’s shirt, probably making the scene worse, but he didn’t care enough about how they looked, he cared about their senpai killing them from plain embarrassment.
“Dumbass” whispered Kageyama, almost like a hiss. Kageyama loosened the grip in Shouyo’s wrist, but he didn’t step aside, and Shoyo wasn’t sure how to take that. Until he heard Tsukishima snickering along with Tadashi and pure instinct moved him, jumping in front of their senpais.
“HEY, shut up both of you” he yelled, and Tadashi had the gall to snort at that. Noya-senpai keep whistling and now Shouyo couldn’t look at Kageyama, but he was sure they were equally embarrassed.
“Nice face you are making there, Kageyama” said Tanaka-san, and Shouyo could see Suga-san approaching quietly, a finger up to motion silence against his smiling lips, and Shoyo felt an undeserved satisfaction when Suga-san hit Tanaka-san with a not so friendly punch on his back. “Suga-san!”
“Stop bullying your kohais” he admonished, but his smile didn’t match his words, too wide and teasing. Something was coming, and it was going to be terrible, he was sure “Ah, youth”
“What an idiot couple” he heard Tsukishima, and Tadashi cupped his hands in his mouth, trying and failing to repress his laugher. Shouyo had never feel so betrayed in his life. Tadashi caught his gaze, looking a bit sheepish and punching Tsukishima’s arm, which was enough as an apology to Shouyo “Like you weren’t thinking the same, Yamaguchi”
“Now, now, let them be, Tsukki” he said, but immediately after bursted in giggles. Shouyo couldn’t believe him. And Noya-san was still whistling, because Suga-san was too busy giving Tadashi a fond glance to try to stop the whole thing. Or maybe Suga-san didn’t even meant to make them stop. Still, it was the worst.
“Noya-senpai, stop it please” he begged, because Kageyama may have lost the ability to speak, but Shouyo was prepared to fight for both of their dignities. “Suga-san, make them stop, please”
“Don’t terrorize our kohais, you two” was all Suga-san said, getting his phone out of his pocket and taking a picture of Kageyama. Shouyo almost turned to see what kind of face he was making, but he didn’t dared. “Now I’m good. Daichi is waiting for us, so let’s all calm down”
“But Suga-san!”
He realzid e didn’t know how to continue that sentence, but it didn't really matter. Suga-san was turning around already, phone in hand a smile making his eyes crinkle with mirth, and it was unfair how he could make everyone to forget and move along, just because he said so. He looked like he had taken a secret out from them, but Shouyo didn’t know what it was.
“Your senpai is going to treat you to food, so better shape up. You tried your best there, Hinata”
And maybe, whatever it was, it did not matter. So he blindly reached behind him, easily finding Kageyama’s hand, to drag him to whatever restaurant Daichi-san was gonna pay.
“Yes, Suga-san!”
And Suga smiled again, like a secret.
And with Kageyama’s hand in his, Shouyo didn’t mind at all.
So, looking back, being in love shouldn’t have been a surprise.
And yet, Hinata had looked absolutely lost when Tobio finally confessed. He had carried his love for more than a year, and he had never tried to hide it. It was there, the same way volleyball was there, just a part of him that couldn’t be taken away without changing who he was.
That was just how he loved, and Tobio didn’t think he wanted to change that. But now, leaving the gym after his graduation ceremony, with Hinata’s dumbfounded expression fresh in his mind, he couldn’t help but wonder if he had been wrong all along.
It was not like he wanted to be loved. He didn’t care for relationships, not really. But the words had been burning at the tip of his tongue for far too long. He thought it wouldn’t change anything, because everything was always simple when it came to Hinata. They couldn’t change. They had their future ahead. They would be together, no matter what.
That had been his mistake.
He felt like he should be crying, but tears didn’t find him easily, so he settled for drawing his shoulders up, dragging his feet step by step, away from the gym.
After all, feelings had never been his forte. And words, too. He had Hinata for that, for the unsaid things, the ones he had buried deep down and the ones he stammered out. Hinata made it easy, with his smile and his quiet understanding.
He was leaving for Tokyo in a few days. And maybe Hinata wouldn’t even say goodbye. Maybe he wouldn’t speak with him at all.
“Kageyama” he heard, but didn’t turn back. He stopped walking though, because Hinata’s voice sounded like a command. Tobio closed his eyes, trying to get himself ready for whatever stupid question Hinata was going to ask. “I will catch up to you”
And that, the challenge in his voice, the way he made it sound like an absolute truth, was what Tobio loved the most about him. It had been that way back in first year, I will be the one standing last in the court and his eyes had been fire. Tobio felt himself smile without wanting to, and turned to face him.
“You better” he answered, and Hinata was standing at the steps of the gym, his uniform a mess from playing after the ceremony. It was the last day he would ever see him like that, all black, in the gakuran he never actually managed to fill. Tobio took a step, then two, and he was standing right in front of Hinata.
Hinata didn’t flinch. His long hair out of his eyes, making him look more mature than he actually was. His eyes were golden with the sun in his face and his stare was too intense, with the type of determination that almost made them champions. It was like he was waiting, or maybe Tobio was the one waiting. He didn’t know what else he could say, so he just took a shallow breath and pressed his mouth to Hinata’s, barely a brush, barely a kiss.
But it was enough.
“Not fair” Hinata muttered, his face a bit red. He looked down, and then up again, meeting Kageyama’s eyes. Tobio was delighted to know that even if Hinata didn’t understand his own feeling yet, something was there. They still had a future. And then, Hinata was kissing him properly, his hands moving to the lapels of Tobio’s gakuran with too much force.
Tobio kissed him back, unsure of how to move, what to do, but he felt his chest too tight, and Hinata was right there, strong hands pulling him closer, his mouth warm and making Tobio tremble. It was burning his chest, the feeling of love love love mine please be mine.
“You are not fair either” he answered, when Hinata pulled back, out of breath and looking softer, his eyes searching up in Tobio, all of him looking uncharacteristically tender. Tobio took a breath, shuddering slightly when he noticed Hinata hadn’t let go of him “Now what? Did you figure it out?”
“I am not sure, I may love you too. But I am not sure yet” he said, always honest. Hinata moved one of his hands to stroke Tobio’s cheek, a smile blooming in his face, and Tobio could die for that smile, that tender moment. “I am going to find out, and if I don’t love you yet, I will fall for you soon enough.”
“I will leave, dumbass”
“I know. That's why I told you”
“You will catch up to me”
“Yes, I will fall in love with you and play in the same court as you”
Their future was waiting, and he was sure, it was going to be beautiful. They still had gold in them, glory to share.
Tobio couldn’t wait.