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Thunderbolt and Lightning (Very Very Frightening)

Summary:

"Hey, no, it's okay, no need to be sorry." Uncle Sam's kind voice helped to clear the sudden fog from their brain. It wasn't common for them to switch so quickly, but it wasn't exactly unheard of either. Thankfully, this seemed to be a smooth switch, so no dissociating for hours on end waiting for their brain to feel somewhat less numb for once.

Not-thankfully, however, they now had a frightened toddler on their hands.

Notes:

Like some of the other stories in this series, this story is loosely based on personal experiences. There are brief references to adult material, but nothing graphic.

The title is a line from "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The Falcon was going to be visiting.

The Soldier was standing in the shower, the cascading water almost boiling against his skin, completely engrossed in the conversation that should be one sided in this situation, yet entirely isn't.

"It's not that big of a deal, he's Steve's friend, and you ripped his wing off so the least you could do is play nice." Bucky's voice resonated through the echoing walls of their skull. Or maybe the walls of the shower. Did he speak out loud? Who knows at this point.

"He's a danger." The Soldier huffed.

"Everyone is a danger to you, lighten up would'ya?" Bucky huffed back, mentally slapping the Soldier's arm with the back of his hand. "Besides, you let him around Jamesy, hell Jamesy loves him! You could learn a thing or two from the little scamp."

"It's my ob-" the Soldier was cut off.

"If you say 'objective' I'm going to actually throw ourselves out the window." Bucky nearly growled, already annoyed with his system-mate's antics.

Truth be told, Bucky was grateful. Soldier had started off life as just the Asset, a horrible persecutor; an alter designed to 'keep them in line' through their own internalized abuse at the hands of Hydra. The constant belief that 'if I hurt us then they wont.

Over time, however, and with lots of help from therapists and supportive friends, the Soldier had become their most valuable protector, looking out for their well being as well as understanding what things were and were not a danger.

Well, most of the time.

The not-so one sided conversation was interrupted by a barely noticeable rumble through the tower. A sound all too familiar to the drums of war.

Thunder.

"That's strange," Bucky mumbled, glancing to the tile walls as if he could see the sky through them if he squinted hard enough. "Thor's not supposed to be back until next week? Did we miss that much time again?"

"Rain." The Soldier grumbled. He could feel Jamesy's anxiety ramping up in their guts already.

"Alright, out of the shower." Bucky all but instructed. Sure the tower had state of the art surge protectors to the point where even a plugged in toaster dropped straight into a bathtub couldn't electrocute someone, but old habits die hard, even for these leftovers of a man who died so very long ago in the ravines of the Alps.

The Soldier questioned that comment about the toaster, surely that would still electrocute someone? He isn't one to test that theory, however.

The next time any of them knew what was going on, they had already dried off, gotten dressed, grabbed a drink from the fridge, and plopped down on the couch. None of them could remember doing any of that, yet here they were: dried, dressed, and on the couch with a soda pop in their hand. They must have auto-piloted through that.

"Hey Buck," Steve interrupted their internal dialogue. "The thunder get to you? You kindof left the water of the shower on, you in a hurry to get out of the water?" He almost sounded concerned behind that humor in his voice.

'Alright which one of you assholes forgot to turn the water off again?' Bucky's irritated voice echoed through their skull. The Soldier had half a brain to not snap at him verbally where everyone could hear. Steve must have seen the confused aggression etched onto his friend's features.

"Hey, it's okay, no harm done," Steve tried to soothe, about to take a seat next to them before he was jolted up by a slightly robotic voice.

"Captain Rogers, Mister Wilson has arrived at the tower and is currently on the elevator to your floor." JARVIS piped up through the walls.

"Thank you, Jarvis." Steve pat one of the walls as if it were the AI's shoulder.

Fantastic. The Falcon was here.

'Play. Nice.' Bucky growled once again.

"Don't tell me what to do." The Soldier growled under his voice.

"What?" Steve looked over from the door of their apartment, confused at the sudden statement.

The Soldier hadn't realize he said that out loud.

The next thing they knew, the Falcon burst through the door, wiping water off of what looked like a nice leather coat. Not expensive, but nice enough to not deserve water on it.

So it begins.

"Hey there, Barnes." The Falcon waved to the Soldier, seemingly oblivious to the scowl etched across his face, or more likely choosing to ignore it. "Great weather, huh?"

The Soldier's scowl deepened.

'Play. Nice.' Bucky all but commanded inside their skull. One moment to be alone with his own thoughts would be nice.

"Here, Sam," Steve offered to take the dampened coat, hanging it from a rack to drip onto the laminate flooring. "You want something to drink?"

The two exchanged pleasantries like old friends do, and the Soldier couldn't help the blood boiling in his veins. Steve was their friend first.

Okay, technically he was Bucky's friend first, and technically he was the friend of someone who died long ago before that. But still, the point stands.

'There's no need to be jealous.' Bucky's voice interrupted the Soldier's thoughts yet again.

'Easy for you to say.' The Soldier grumbled back, and judging by the lack of reaction from Captain or the Falcon, he had not said that out loud.

'Easy for- buddy I don't know if you remember, but we are literally in the same boat.' Bucky huffed, already tired of his system-mate's bullshit.

"I remember just fine." The Soldier snapped back, and judging by the sudden, startled reactions of the other two, he had said that out loud.

'Good going, dickwad.' Bucky spat. The Soldier glared into the middle ground, as if Bucky were standing right there and he was glaring directly at him.

"You alright there?" The Falcon glanced at Captain, then back to the Soldier.

The Falcon knew about them, even gave them the label for yet another fucked up thing in their brain.

"It's called Dissociative Identity Disorder," Sam explained, a look of concerned sympathy in his eyes. "It's not really possible to be caused by trauma past the age of like 10 from what I remember, but given the kind of brain-stuff Hydra did, I'm not surprised. Brains will do anything to survive, even if it means splitting up to divide the pain. I can offer a few tips to work through some stuff with your therapists..."

Steve looked so worried, resting his hand on Bucky's shoulder like they were just told he had terminal prostate cancer.

The Soldier was shaken from the sudden memory when the Falcon sat down on the far side of the sofa, giving the Soldier plenty of room to not feel trapped or cornered. Smart idea.

"So, how's everyone doing? Keeping well?" The Falcon always used words like 'everyone' and 'you guys' to let them all feel included. Bucky was actually very grateful for that, it made all of them feel a little more respected and understood.

"Well." Was all the Soldier could bite out, which wasn't unusual for him anyways. He wasn't exactly the chatterbox of their fucked up little brain group.

"That's good, anything new or exciting?" The Falcon questioned.

"...I bought a new sex toy?" The Soldier stated like a question, unsure if that's what he meant by 'new' or 'exciting'.

Captain's face burned bright red as the Falcon laughed, deep in his chest and authentic. That made them feel good. They were doing good. They would get a good grade in being a mutual friend. That is definitely something normal to want and strive for.

'It most certainly is not.' Bucky's voice argued in their head.

"Oh man, yep, that's definitely exciting." The Falcon steadied his breathing, wiping a few stray tears from his eyes as he calmed himself. Captain glared playfully at the Falcon, and the Soldier no longer felt good about making him laugh.

'Jeez-us,' Bucky nearly whined. 'Stop getting so jealou-'

There was a crash. The lights flickered.

And the Soldier was already face first into the Falcon's side, hiding from the sudden explosion.

"Wooah there big guy, it's okay, it was just some thunder." Uncle Sa- the Falcon hushed them, patting their back right between their shoulders in an attempt at comfort.

" 'm sorry" their voice came out much smaller than they anticipated.

'What the- Soldier?' Bucky's confused voice pierced through the sudden fog of their brain.

'Nyet.' The Soldier huffed. Seems he was back in their headspace. That leaves just two options as to who was now in control, and both of them were young, easily frightened children.

Judging by the lack of non-verbal whining, it was Jamesy.

"Hey, no, it's okay, no need to be sorry." Uncle Sam's kind voice helped to clear the sudden fog from their brain. It wasn't common for them to switch so quickly, but it wasn't exactly unheard of either. Thankfully, this seemed to be a smooth switch, so no dissociating for hours on end waiting for their brain to feel somewhat less numb for once.

Not-thankfully, however, they now had a frightened toddler on their hands.

"Hey, lamb, you okay?" Steve asked softly, consciously avoiding putting his hands on them incase it might trigger them.

Jamesy whimpered softly, trembling at the sudden, startling fear. It was just thunder. They knew the god of thunder for crying out loud!

" 's loud..." Jamesy whispered into Uncle Sam's side, sniffling back the tears that suddenly threatened to ruin the nice shirt he currently had his face shoved against.

"I know, buddy. Thunder can be really scary, huh?" Uncle Sam hummed, patting his back gently.

Jamesy can't remember what happened after that, but the next thing he knew, Daddy, Uncle Sam, and Himself were cuddling close together on the couch, a sippy cup full of apple juice clutched tight in his little hands as The Magic Schoolbus played on the big TV.

Ms. Frizzle was teaching them how rain was made, and Ralphie was pretending to be a weather superhero named WeatherMan. That made Jamesy think of mister Thor, which made him laugh.

Jamesy took a sip of his apple juice before snuggling closer to Uncle Sam, feeling warm and safe between the two people who cared for him the most.

He could hear the Soldier sigh somewhere in their head, but he didn't sound angry, so it must be okay.

Jamesy took a peak out of one of the nearby windows, watching the gray clouds water the flowers of the world around them. He hummed and nestled back into his spot, feeling Uncle Sam rub his shoulder in a comforting, repetitive circle.
Everything was okay.

Maybe the thunder wasn't so bad after all.

Notes:

References:

The Magic School Bus episode mentioned is "Kicks Up a Storm".

Brief Explainations:

In this story, Steve, Bucky, and Sam are in an implied polyamorous relationship. This will likely be expanded upon in future stories. No one in the Winter System hates Sam, not even the Soldier. They all love and appreciate him, Soldier just has a slight, playful rivalry relationship with him.

DID is not a dangerous disorder like most media potrays it. People living with DID are actually more likely to be the victim of abuse and, more often than not, already are due to the disorder's traumagenic nature.

DID cannot form in the brain after the age of 6-9, as this is when the intergration of a sense of self takes place. DID forms when severe, chronic trauma causes an interruption in said intergration, causing the brain to 'split' in order to protect itself by placing a sort of subsitiute to handle said trauma instead.

The only reason the disorder formed in Bucky past this age in this story is because of the severe physical and psychological trauma inflicted on his brain at the hands of Hydra, thus causing these forms of 'splitting'. (That and this is a fictional universe, no living human could survive the levels of damage or trauma necessary to cause a split past the given ages).

In this story, Bucky and his system exhibit symptoms such as Dissociation and Switching between Alters, Time Jumping, or an unreliable understanding of time passage, Dissociative Amnesia, and Auto-Piloting, or performing tasks while dissociated and not remembering them afterwards.

These are all based on personal experience and is not meant to explain or educate all DID systems, symptoms, or how they work. These are simply examples from our own experiences as a traumagenic DID system. No two people or their experiences are exactly alike, so these will not apply to every single case of DID.

Kudos and comments are always appreciated, and thank you for reading!

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