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Ever since the scheme against Sharpay at Lava Springs, I have started to feel a bit off. I didn't really tell people about it, but I never have had strong crushes on girls and I always tended to look more to boys than to girls. So I had presumed that I was gay. For a while already. I am completely fine with that thought, the problem however now is that I am starting to have doubts about if I am gay or not. All thanks to my wandering thoughts to one of the Wildcats, who I really should have befriended before last summer. I shouldn’t have let Sharpay get into my head that much. At least we’re friends now, and she is fun to hang around with. So far so good, true. I just don't get why I am thinking about her in a romantic way besides this, with her being a girl. It doesn't fit me. Sure, it could also be that I just feel a good friendship blossoming and that I have this gay-or-not-gay crisis for nothing, but then I shouldn’t be thinking about her in a more than friends way.
Maybe I should talk about it with someone, but no one notices that something is off or is close enough to me to talk about this. Not even Sharpay. She still doesn’t like any of the Wildcats, and why would I talk to her about this anyway? Talking about my sister, she is now ranting to me and Tiara about how all the class in the musical won’t do the musical any good and how her one woman show idea would have worked out way better. See, that are the things she cares about most. Soo much that she even forgets me in her so called good plans. I can't believe that. I also don't see the good in her plan nor do I see the problem with the alternative. The wildcats are talented too. It would be great to share a stage with them for longer than just one song. Though it looked in class like Sharpay is not the only one against us all in one musical together. I saw the faces of everyone, and how uneasy Kelsi looked after giving the names. It must have been a spontaneous plan against Sharpay. I believe that's for the best, and I hope that the others won't bother Kelsi too much. Especially since she is finally daring to become a bit more visible. It would be a shame if that would stop.
Despite me disliking Sharpays idea, I still walk with her to the auditorium and onto the stage. Not long after we arrive on stage, Kelsi and the rest of the Wildcats storm in at the start of our free period. The Wildcats surround Kelsi at the piano, while I talk to Gabriella about the idea. We seem to agree that it would be nice to have a musical with all of us together. I look back to the others when I hear Kelsi apologize and saying that she thought that it would be nice to work on this last musical together. The wildcats disagree. I share a look with Gabriela, who sighs before she makes her point in favor of the musical. It doesn’t help much. My encouragement neither, until Troy says that it could be fun. It stops the rumor and it’s great that he is on board too. Taylor then asks how much time it would take. How would I know? Chad follows up with asking what the musical will be about. 'You,' we hear Ms. D. answer.
She walks towards us while explaining her idea. I see Sharpay fainting after hearing the news and try to help her, no matter what I think about her idea. Tiara however wants to take over helping Sharpay. Alright, then I won’t help. Also fine. I walk away from the duo to join the Wildcats instead and stand next to Kelsi behind the piano. My thought start to wander a bit as Ms. D. continues talking. I keep being distracted until I hear her say that Kelsi will compose and I choreograph. I immidiately start thinking of good dance moves to use. I'm thrilled that I get this possibility, I have to make the best of it. Kelsi nudges me. I smile at her while we share our excitement. Both of us stop talking when Ms. D. mentions four scholarships. I know Kelsi, Sharpay and I all have applied, so there is a chance. Which is excting and nerve wrecking at the same time. I really hope they found my audition good enough to be interested in me for the dancing program at Julliard.
They are interested in me! Kelsi hears the same after me. She does’t seem to believe it. She really should have more confidence. I congratulate her. We talk about Julliard and our programs for a bit. That fuels my excitement, but I also realize the pressure of that the choreography has to be the best I can give. Because I have to get into Julliard. Maybe Martha can help me with finding dancing steps that could work for anyone? I should ask her that once she arrives, since she doesn't seem to be here yet.
I forget my question when Martha finally comes in with her dancing friends. That’ll help a lot and gives me more opportunity for dance moves. Cool!
I’m starting to get hungry after our free period. Therefore, I waste no time to go to the canteen when it’s lunch time. While in line for my plate of food, Sharpay asks me about the musical and mentions that it’s our last chance. I roll my eyes and walk away from here to sit with my food. I did not forget her solo idea. Plus, I can do enough in this musical with the choreography. I am not complaining. Sharpay however doesn’t want to let the conversation go. She starts talking about how Troy doesn’t deserve the fourth consideration for Julliard. I really don’t care for that. I am way more interested in the thoughts in my head than what Sharpay is talking about at the moment. She then start talking about her- our future. That does tempt me to go with her for now. I even start imagining her idea of us famous in the future, and me line-dancing on stages of the world. That looks amazing. It would be awesome to have that future in reach. But wait. We're talking about our future here, while there is only one scholarship. Sharpay counters my complain. Not convincingly though, and I sigh to myself when she starts mentioning her plan. I am low key done with sabotaging the Wildcats. Plus, the songs Kelsi writes for Troy and Gabriella fit them. Not us, or Sharpay and Troy.
Sharpays last idea before she walks away does sound interesting though, if I do that without stealing music sheets. Sharpay can have nice idea’s, sometimes.
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Somehow I find some time to work on my sexuality crisis besides choreographing and studying. The idea to seriously ask Kelsi to prom sounds more and more like a nice idea, but I am supposed to be gay. Which makes everything confusing. I have enough of that confusion and really don't know what to make of this myself. I need to get opinions from others or just someone to talk to about this. Unfortunately that won't happen face to face, so I have to figure something else out. I start my research online and stumble on a forum in which people talk about different sexualities. It looks interesting. I end up on a topic in which someone is writing about 'bisexuality'. The more I read in that topic and other topics about it, the more it kinda explains my feelings. The stories also seem to match my experience a bit, though most first thought they were straight. It still feels strange to have a part of me changing in a way, but maybe it is not that crazy after all that I can get a crush on a girl. At least I don’t seem to be alone in this situation.
While I am slowly getting on terms with what I exactly am feeling, I have decided to choreo me and Kelsi together in the prom dance. Since it worked out well that way in the big pictur and we have a nice connection together. Crush or no crush. One of the final practices of that dance goes great and gives me a lot of energy. So I am happy after the dance. The compliment from Ms. D also lifts my spirit. I keep feeling thrilled by the energy, until Sharpay has to mention Kelsi's songs again. Can she stop? I am not going to rat on Kelsi. That being said, talking to her is a lot better than listening to Sharpay's insane plans, so I do walk up to Kelsi to talk about the song and dance of this part of the musical until the practice time is up.
That talk and our conversations the days later, make me realize that this really is a crush I am feeling. And no, I am still not sure what I am but I do am sure that I want to try out what this between us can be. That's why I am driving on my Vespa to school early this morning. I plan on passing by the music room, knowing that Kelsi will be there working on the musical. I do feel a bit nervous, she could say no after all. However, I feel like I have to try this.
As predicted, I see Kelsi working on a song for the musical. I give myself the freedom to get a bit of tea before looking at the sheet music. I smile to Kelsi before I start to play the piano and start to softly sing while reading the sheet music. It really is great music. I focus on reading the music. Then I hear Kelsi harmonizing the lyrics with me. I just have to look at her with a smile at that moment. She really should sing something on stage one day too. I stop our singing for a bit, but keep playing the same melody while I give Kelsi the compliments she more than deserves before I decide to make the jump to the actual prom. 'Speaking of prom, what are you doing?' I ask.
'Well, its two days before the show... You know, i'm writing orchestration, fixing charts. I still have to write lyrics.'
Yeah, I don't believe she needs that evening on that, with what she already has. That's why I decide to be bold. 'Great, I'll pick you up at eight.'
Her smile and our teasing while we're continuing the song gives enough confirmation for now.