Archive of Our Own ^beta

JANUARY

Raelle was not a morning person.

She very much liked to sleep in, or at least to the very last possible second before her late alarm went off. Waking up was never a happy affair, always full of swearing and yelling at the alarm to shut up, before sliding out of bed and onto the floor. She would then drag herself around her room, gradually changing clothes and eventually peeling her eyes open. A grumpy, growling, non-morning-person, was Raelle Collar.

So when someone FLUNG themself on top of her one morning at some ungodly hour, ‘grumpy’ would be an understatement.

“FUCK! Goddammit, WHY??” Raelle shouted as a weight landed square across her back, yanking her out of a lovely pre-alarm doze. Her yell was muffled by her pillow but it was loud enough that the devil spawn on top of her heard it and started laughing. Joined quickly by laughter from her bedroom doorway. Raelle shoved and squirmed and beat blindly at the unforgiving weight over her until she wiggled out and on to the floor. “I hate you both, I fucking hate you, you are DEAD to me, the banes of my existence, I will die never again knowing peace, mother FUCK.”

Raelle continued swearing and chattering angrily as she pulled herself off her bedroom floor and shed the comforter she had dragged with her. Righting herself, she shoved her messy hair out of her face and got her bearings. On the bed was the tall, lanky, red-haired Tally Craven, cackling madly with tears in her eyes as she rolled around trying to breathe. In the doorway, leaning on it for emotional support, was the even-taller-but-more-stocky Abigail Bellweather. Raelle glared at both of them before throwing the comforter on top of Tally and shoving past Abigail to stick her head through the door.

She yelled, “Pop! You know the landlord don’t like animals in the house!” 

The only response she got from downstairs was a chuckle.

Growling to herself, Raelle started making her way around her room, yanking clothes off the floor until she found some that smelled clean. She headed to the bathroom, flipping the other girls off as she left. She emerged a short time later to find Tally lounging on her bed while Abigail used a ruler she had dug up somewhere to shove dirty clothes into her hamper.

Looking up she said, “Damn Collar, you live like this?”

Raelle leveled a glare at her that could peel paint and opened her mouth to shoot back, but she was cut off.

“Ah ah, don’t start. Come on, first day back! Let’s make it a good one, shall we?” Tally said, ever the peacekeeper. 

Raelle just rolled her eyes and started stuffing her things into her backpack.

“Why are we leaving so early anyway? The whole point of me not giving Abby shit anymore for having a stupidly nice car now was that she would drive us to school. So I could sleep in , heathens.”

Tally patted Raelle on the shoulder. “It’s alright lil buddy, you can still sleep in the car. And we’re going to go see Byron before school.” Raelle winced.

Right, Byron, her best friend who broke his entire shit over the winter break playing lacrosse with her. He was going to be laid up at home for a good while now, instead of emotionally supporting Raelle through their shared science class like he had for the first semester. Crap.

“Right, Byron, my best friend who I love and cherish, who has abandoned me this semester. Him?” Raelle shouldered her bag as she headed towards the door.

Tally caught up to her and tugged the end of one of her braids reproachfully. “Yes, him, and you will be nice to your best friend or so help me I will let Abigail fireman-style carry you to class.” 

Raelle stared up at her, aghast, horrified, and Abigail made a show of stretching and flexing her arms. Instead of responding, Raelle stomped her way into the kitchen for a poptart, hugged her dad goodbye, and stomped her way out to the car.

~.~

“It should be illegal for school to start this early,” Raelle grumbled as she dragged herself out of the backseat upon the trio’s arrival at Circe High School, or ‘Fort Salem,’ as most of the students called it. It had a reputation for strict teachers and stricter administration, but it at least was weighted in the students’ favor when it came to direction and guidelines. “I wanted to hang out with Byron longer.”

“And we’ll be sure to tell him that the next time you call him annoying,” Abigail shot bad with a smug grin as they made their way towards the entrance. Already a crowd of students could be seen waiting around outside and through the cafeteria windows until it was time to get back to the slog.

Tally came up between them and slung her arms around them. “Cheer up ladies, it’s gonna be a great semester. I can feel it! You guys know I’m always right about this stuff. We shall end our Junior year with greatness.” Abigail and Raelle looked at each other past Tally and rolled their eyes together.

“You are weirdly clairvoyant sometimes Tal,” said Raelle.

“I don’t know if the dramatics are necessary though,” replied Abigail.

Nevertheless, they couldn’t help but feel optimistic as they passed through the doors and classes began again. The first part of the day was pretty simple for Raelle, subjects she didn’t have too much trouble with. Fourth period was lunch with her girls (they almost had separate lunch periods but Abigail has friends in the scheduling office), and then the afternoon classes, where it got a bit trickier. Algebra was ok even though it wasn’t her best subject because Abigail was there to help explain. Then Phys Ed where she usually tried to hide under the bleachers until Coach Quartermaine found her and dragged her out. Her last class of the day was Biology, and she was not looking forward to it. 

Easily her worst subject, Bio came way more easily to Byron, her lab partner for the year, which is why his being laid up was even worse than it already was. And now that he was out of school for a while, not only would Raelle not have anyone to explain lame science stuff to her, but she also would have a new partner.

Raelle did not love meeting new people.

She was not particularly good at it, nor did she try to be. She had been perfectly happy taking herself through life solo, like a boss. That all changed two and a half years ago when the administration decided to put the in-coming Freshman in groups of three for some unnecessary initiative to encourage healthy socializing. She was put in a group, or Unit, as the admins called it, with Tally and Abigail and to call it a “rough start” would be an understatement. They were very different, especially Raelle and Abigail who clashed constantly, with Tally trying to play mediator. The initiative meant they had most of their classes together, plus a study hall, and extra credit was given if you could prove you had done some sort of activity outside of school, like a sporting event or concert. Unfortunately for Raelle, who liked to be a hermit, calling Abigail an ‘overachiever’ would also be an understatement. It was a rough start to high school.

Eventually though, with a lot of time and patience (mostly from Tally) and some sticking up for each other when it counted, Raelle found sisters in the two girls. Now, even though they still drove her mad most days, she wouldn’t give them up for anything. And the ‘Unit’ thing stuck.

But that didn’t mean she wanted to make friends with the whole damn world, like some leggy redheads did, and despite letting her guard down with Byron (who just kind of shoved his way into being friends with her until she stopped fighting it), she wasn’t looking forward to a new lab partner that she would inevitably have to give up some of her free time for in order to handle the massive workload that Izadora (the very chill Bio teacher who lets students use her first name) liked to give out.

Raelle sighed as she shuffled into her final class of the day, resigned to whatever new person-

Oh shit .

There was a girl sitting at Raelle’s table. A very very pretty girl. She had dark har falling in light waves just past a very sharp jawline, dark blue eyes, and a soft-looking mouth that was currently twisted to the side in apparent boredom. Raelle froze in the doorway until someone rudely shoved past her trying to get in.

Oh no she’s hot.

Raelle slowly made her way to the back of the room to her table, counting each desk as she passed to make sure that one was actually hers. She approached the empty seat (technically the girl was in Raelle’s usual spot but she hadn’t found her voice yet) and dumped her bag on the floor before sitting down.

Immediately the girl sat up and pushed her textbook, open to a page Raelle couldn’t even begin to process, towards her and said, “Look at this! Talks about gene splicing and DNA and stuff. I wouldn’t mind learning to do that.” And then she smiled and that was pretty much it for Raelle’s brain capacity.

Say something Collar, you look like an idiot! SAY SOMETHING!

“Um… what?” Great. Nailed it. Dumbass.

The girl chuckled and said, “Sorry, I thought maybe we could skip the awkward introductions and go straight to the cool science stuff.” She paused awkwardly, “Unless, you know, you really hate science?” She looked curiously at Raelle who quickly gathered all her brain cells together to reply.

“Right! Yes, science, uh, I love it! I mean, not really, because it’s terrible and I don’t get it at all, but, you know, it does cool things.” Thunk! went Raelle’s head as it hit the desk. She took a deep breath and said into the wood, “Sorry. You are very pretty and I am very gay and I am trying to process this.” She didn’t entirely approve those words leaving her mouth but, fuckit , they were out, no going back.

To her relief, the girl next to her laughed. She picked her head up to see a bright smile and brighter eyes shining at her. 

Gross, is this a Disney movie? Oh my god I sound like Tally.

The girl said, “Fair enough. And you know, same to you,” and she winked.

Raelle blinked and sat up, staring at her and a smirk spreading across her face. Oh, this could be fun. Goddammit Tally was right again.  

She held her hand out.

“I think we can make this work then. I’m Raelle.” 

A small, warm hand clasped hers.

“I’m Scylla.”

Scylla.

~.~

From then on, Bio was Raelle’s most anticipated class of the day. She and Scylla would sit in the back of the class, sometimes working, sometimes ignoring everything and everyone else, always flirting. And Raelle really started to like her. It wasn’t just the flirting though, or how stupidly pretty she was, Scylla was also incredibly smart. She was good at Bio, and explained it in a way that it even made sense to Raelle. It still wasn’t her favorite subject, but now at least she wasn’t worried about falling behind.

Abigail and Tally noticed the change as well. They teased her for it, asked what was so interesting about science all of a sudden that made her eager for that class. She told them, eventually, and immediately had regrets as Tally got overexcited and started telling her to ask the girl out, and Abigail disagreed saying that she sounded like trouble. 

Regardless of her girls’ antics, she was very much looking forward to seeing Scylla everyday. They clicked. Raelle felt like she had found a kindred spirit of sorts in Scylla. They had similar views on the world and the “establishment”, and they never failed to make each other laugh (or blush).

Things changed one day though, a couple weeks later, as the two lingered after the final bell, chatting. Raelle had decided she wanted to spend more time with Scylla, preferably outside the classroom, and was trying to find the best way to bring it up.

“So,” she began, “doing anything after school today?” They had finally packed up and were heading out the door.

“Not really. Homework, well maybe homework, and there’s this online seminar on different fungi tonight I wanted to catch.”

Raelle rolled her eyes. “Wow, you’re tons of fun aren’t you. You should do birthday parties.” Scylla laughed and shoved her playfully with her elbow.

“What, you think I’m weird?”

Raelle winked at her, “Sexy weird.” 

Scylla nodded smugly and they emerged into the chilly January afternoon, pulling their jackets more tightly around themselves. 

As they headed towards the student parking lot, Raelle added, “So, do you want to come over for a while? My dad’s not home until late, so we have the run of the house. We can just hang out, or do homework if we must, or Netflix. Abby shares her account with me so I like to watch weird things sometimes and leave them on her profile,” Raelle chuckled. Scylla laughed as well. “So? What do you think?”

Scylla started fishing in her bag for her car keys and took a moment before she would meet Raelle’s eyes. When she did, there was regret there, but also a guard was up.

“I would but, you know, I’m supposed to go straight to the house after school. Family car, and all.” Raelle knew her well enough by now to realize she was being intentionally evasive.

“Whose rule is that?”

“The universe, for one.”

“Could you be more vague?” Raelle could feel herself getting slightly irritated now. If she doesn’t want to hang out with me, why can’t she just say so? How badly did I read this situation??

Scylla ducked her head and twisted her fingers together. “It’s… complicated.”

“I do complicated.”

They were interrupted suddenly by the loud sound of a car horn, making them both jump. Turning, they saw Abigail pulling up nearby, Tally hanging out the passenger window and shouting, “Let’s go, Rae!”

“I don’t want to make your friends wait,” Scylla said as Raelle turned back to her. Raelle scoffed in disbelief.

“Yeah guess not. Don’t drive too fast getting that car home on time.” 

Scylla’s face fell at those words and for a moment Raelle wavered, but then she turned and started towards Abigail’s car.

“I’ll see you tomorrow though? In class?” Came the hopeful query.

“Yeah, sure.” Raelle waved half-heartedly over her shoulder, but she didn’t look back.

FEBRUARY

It was a strained couple of weeks.

Raelle had been giving Scylla a bit of a cold shoulder ever since their interaction in the parking lot, and it was starting to get Scylla down. She had walked into class the next day with a smile and sat next to her partner with a cheerful, “Hey!” but had received only a grunt of acknowledgement in return. The rest of class had been spent with Scylla trying similarly to engage Raelle in their usual banter, or any conversation at all, but Raelle barely spoke two words to her.

It didn’t improve much as the weeks rolled into the only slightly less cold February. In class, Scylla had all but given up on trying to talk to Raelle the way they used to. She knew she should let it go, but part of her was still drawn to this beautiful, witty girl. Sitting in class next to her, as Izadora droned on about something, she sank back into her usual internal debate. The same argument that had been rattling around in her head almost since the day she had met Raelle.

Just tell her the truth, she’d understand. She’s not going to judge you.

But why should I? It’s my life, I don’t owe explanations to anyone.

Yeah but she’s not asking for much. She just wants to hang out more. I definitely want that.

Excellent point, consider this one: That’s exactly why I should stay away. No attachments dumbass, let’s not go here again.

Ok but consider this point also: She’s hot. Like, holy fuck she’s attractive.

Great, way to objectify her.

No no, I mean, not just that, although… No, focus. She’s- she’s sharp, she’s witty, she’s funny as hell, she’s honest and she’s not afraid to speak her mind. I mean, what’s not to like?

Oh good, now it’s a crush. Idiot.

Gradually Scylla became aware that Raelle was watching her. No, not watching. Staring. Looking up she noticed the room had nearly emptied save the two of them and Izadora and vaguely recalled hearing the bell ring. Raelle was watching her with a small amount of concern.

“Um, you ok? Seemed very intense.”

Scylla was startled. Raelle hadn’t initiated conversation in almost 2 weeks. “Uh, yeah, sorry. Just thinking about… stuff.”

“Right well, I know better than to pry.” Ouch. “So, how do you want to do this? My place or yours?” Excuse me?? Scylla panicked briefly, brain grinding to a halt, trying not to imagine anything- nope too late. The images were there. “Orrrr we can use the library here? What’s the problem?” Wait, what??

“Wait, what??”

Raelle sighed, exasperated. “The project we just got assigned? To cover this whole unit? The one that’s going to take forever to do? The one we have to do on our own precious time? Look, I get you don’t want to hang out with me and we can do our parts separately, but we still have to divide it up-”

“No I do want you!”

Well.

Raelle’s eyebrows nearly climbed into her hairline, and out of the corner of her eye Scylla could see Izadora pause in her paper-grading and look up briefly.

“Uhhh…”

“No wait, that didn’t come out right. I meant, um, shit.” Scylla shot out of her chair and started stuffing her things into her bag. “I meant, I do want to hang out with you, I just…” She furrowed her brow, frustrated. Now or never Ramshorn, decide. She paused in her task and sighed, running a hand over her face. “Look, I’m sorry I blew you off, I didn’t mean to. I’m not used to this- talking about myself.” She met Raelle’s eyes. “No one’s ever really been interested enough to ask,” she added with a half smile.

For the first time in weeks, Raelle’s eyes softened. She sighed, “I’m sorry, I know I’ve been kind of a dick about it. Look, you don’t have to tell me your life story, everyone’s allowed to have personal stuff.”

“I’ve just… been burned before. Look,” and she held up the project write-up that Izadora had handed out, “I’ll take this back to the house and show them I legitimately need the car for school stuff. And we can work at yours? Tomorrow maybe?”

Raelle smiled. “I can’t tomorrow, I’m skipping with Abby and Tal and we’ll be back late--” 

From the desk they heard a disgruntled: “I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear that I guess.” 

“--but Saturday maybe? After lunch?”

“Sounds good.” They smiled at each other and made their way out of the school, exchanging phone numbers. They barely made it to Scylla’s car before Abigail and Tally had pulled up alongside.

“Let’s go Collar, we gotta get on the road!” Abigail yelled impatiently. Tally waved at Scylla.

“Alright I’m coming! Can you not see I am having a goddam conversation? Are you feral??” Raelle shouted back before turning back to Scylla. “Sorry about the Bellweather, they raise them to believe the universe revolves around them,” she said, making Scylla giggle. “I’ll see you Saturday!” Raelle waved, walking backward to the car until Tally practically had to climb out and shove her in the back herself.

“Have fun!” Scylla shouted as they drove off. 

As they disappeared, she leaned back against the car, smiling to herself and staring at Raelle’s number in her phone. After a minute, she started heading home, trying not to let the dread creep back in.

~.~

Convincing her foster parents to give her the car for the day had not been easy. However, after much yelling and deal-making and deal-rescinding and more yelling, she was finally on her way to Raelle’s house. She even managed to snag some snacks for them before she left. She had also spent an almost absurd amount of time deciding what to wear, before settling on a dark blue sweater, high-waisted jeans and white high-top Converse.

It’s not a date, it’s just homework, don’t over-complicate it. Part of Scylla desperately wished it was a date but the other, more sensible part of her knew it could never be. You’re already too attached dumb dumb, don’t make it worse. And she was too attached. Scylla hadn’t even made it home that day after school before her phone had pinged with a text from Raelle. After that, they had talked non-stop, going well into the night and picking up right when they woke up the next morning.

Now though, she was about to be face-to-face with Raelle again and she was nervous. Head in the game, Ramshorn. Lock those feelings down you bisexual disaster. Running a hand through her hair, and begging her internal voice to shut the fuck up, Scylla approached the door of a small, slightly run-down-looking townhouse and knocked. After a moment it opened, revealing Raelle in an oversized hoodie, dark, ripped skinny jeans, and a backwards snapback.

Scylla paused and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah I get it, you’re gay.”

Raelle managed a straight face for about a second before she broke, laughing and moving back to usher Scylla in.

“Ok, ok, you’re right. It was the hat, wasn't it?” 

Scylla just winked and nodded as Raelle tossed said hat onto a nearby chair.

“Sooo… were you waiting by the door then? I didn’t hear anyone walking over,” Scylla asked, trying not to laugh.

“OK SO are we done exposing me now? Let’s get to the science! Or, you know, I could show you around, like a good host. Shit,” she said, with the last word being under her breath.

Scylla lost her fight and busted out laughing again, and patted Raelle reassuringly on the shoulder.

“Don’t worry,” she said, surprised at the softness of her own voice, “I was excited to see you too.” 

Oh good job, that didn’t sound attached at all. Here we go. But Scylla was ignoring her inner voice and focused solely on the radiant smile Raelle now gave her. It quite literally took Scylla’s breath away as she forgot to breathe for a moment. All at once she realized just how close they were standing and that her hand was still on Raelle’s shoulder.

Clearing her throat awkwardly, Raelle stepped back and said, “Right, well, this is the living room. Over there is the kitchen,” she said, pointing to the adjacent room. “Do you want anything before we- oh nice!” She exclaimed as Scylla shook her head and held up the cooler she had brought. “Well you’re awesome, totally meant for that to be an internal thought, so anyway,” she began walking towards the stairs at the back of the living room, where there was also a hallway. “Down there is my dad’s area. We’re going up.”

As she moved through Raelle’s house, Scylla looked around, taking in the details. Sure, it was a bit messy and shabby looking, but it felt warm and lived-in. Like a home should feel. A pang of loneliness went through her as she followed Raelle upstairs.

“Up the stairs we go, we are not looking at my baby pictures on the wall,” she said, slapping a hand over one and ushering Scylla to pass her. “On we go, past the danger zone, and here we are!” 

Just off the right of the landing was a closed-door room with a sign on it bearing Raelle’s name in stunning calligraphy (“A gift from Tally,” Raelle said). To the left was another hallway with one door in the middle and one at the end. 

“Down there is the bathroom and an office. We’ll work in my room if that’s ok though?”

Scylla nodded and peeked past Raelle’s shoulder as the girl pushed open the door to her room. Inside was a bed, tucked in one corner, a desk, a pile of shoes next to a dresser, a couple of small bookcases, and a pile of clothes inside and around a hamper. Hearing a squeaking sound, Scylla looked around and found a cage in a corner, containing two large-ish rats: one white, one black and white.

“Um, sorry about the mess, I was trying to clean up before you got here but… I failed,” Raelle shrugged at her apologetically as she scooped up some clothes to dump in the hamper. Scylla waved off her apology and bent to look at the rats. They came to the edge of their cage to inspect the newcomer. “Oh! Uh, sorry I can put them somewhere else if you want.”

Scylla looked up from where she was crouched. “No! I think they’re cute! Plus, rats are super cool. They’re really smart right? And clean?”

Raelle brightened as she knelt next to Scylla. “Yeah! They’re pretty amazing, they even litter-train themselves. I can let them out if you want, they like to hang out while I’m working.” 

Scylla nodded enthusiastically and Raelle opened the cage. “Look, I trained them not to come out unless I pull them out.” 

Sure enough, even with the door open the rats waited, up on their hind legs, sniffing the air.

Raelle pulled out the white one. “This is Jenn, she’s the more rambunctious of the two. She likes to think she’s the boss but she’s not.” She put the rat down and immediately it began to crawl over Scylla, up her legs and side until it reached her shoulder, where it proceeded to sit and sniff every inch of her it could reach. Scylla giggled as the whiskers tickled her face and Raelle picked up the other one. “And this is Donut. Don’t let the fatness fool you, she’s fast and she can get into the tiniest places. Also, she can probably open that cooler you brought so let’s keep an eye on it,” she added, laughing. Donut spared Scylla a few sniffs before ambling over to the aforementioned cooler.

They spent a few minutes playing with the rats, Raelle showing off some of the tricks they knew, but eventually they found themselves on Raelle’s bed with an old laptop, pouring over their class notes and figuring out a topic for their project.

Once they had settled on a topic however, it was smooth sailing. Biology came naturally to Scylla, who handled the research and graph boards, and she was able to explain their concept easily, even to Raelle who usually didn’t bother to learn the material very well when she was with Byron. But with Scylla, something about the passion in her voice when she talked about the science pulled Raelle in, and she found herself understanding without having to struggle. And Raelle handled writing the paper, being the slightly more eloquent of the two. And if need be, she could bullshit (her words).

They worked together flawlessly, like they’d done it a hundred times before. Scylla couldn’t help but notice that they moved like mirrors of each other, never getting in the other’s way, seeming to have an answer ready almost before a question was asked. It made her nervous, but only because she was trying not to want what she couldn’t have.

After a few hours, they had called it a day and were now reclining against the wall, still sitting on Raelle’s bed, relaxing as Scylla heard the story of how the Unit was formed.

“-and to this day, Tally still calls it Unit Unity whenever we do something together,” she finished with a laugh. 

Scylla laughed with her and capped her Gatorade that Donut was trying to shove her head into. The chunky rat had eventually warmed up to her, but only after she had brought the food out. Scylla was suspicious of the timing.

She grinned and turned her head toward Raelle. “I like listening to you talk about them, you smile a lot. It’s good to have people like that in your life.”

Raelle blushed and looked away, scratching the back of her neck. “Yeah, they’re alright I guess,” she said, but her fond smile betrayed her. She shook her head and turned back to Scylla. “So what about you? Are you close with your parents?”

Ah.

It was inevitable, really, and a perfectly reasonable question. Scylla had been bracing herself for it all day, but now that it was here and asked, she felt totally unprepared.

She must’ve taken too long to respond because she heard, “Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry again. I said you didn’t have to tell me anything and I meant-”

“No! No, it’s ok.” Scylla took a deep breath. Ok, it’s fine, it’s Raelle, you can trust her. Thinking that to herself, she decided to believe and hope she was right. “I’m a foster kid. Have been since I was fourteen. If it’s ok, I’d rather not talk about why. But yeah, that’s the story.” Scylla stared down at her lap and waited.

And waited.

It felt like an eternity but it couldn’t have been more than half a minute before she felt a warm hand tentatively encase hers. Her eyes hot open and she looked down, seeing her hand wrapped carefully in Raelle’s fingers. She looked up into her eyes, which were watching her back, and she found no judgement, no condescending pity, only empathy. And warmth.

A soft feeling found its way into Scylla’s chest and took root.

Raelle glanced down at their hands and asked, “Is this ok?” 

Scylla could only nod wordlessly. 

“I’m sorry, I’m not very good at this, so I’m not really sure what to say. Do you… want to talk about it? Is it, I don’t know, ok there? Shit, I’m sorry, I’m really terrible at this.” Raelle ran a hand through her hair frustratedly, giving a Scylla an apologetic look.

Scylla squeezed her hand reassuringly. “You don’t have to apologize, don’t worry about it too much. Look, Raelle…” She took a deep breath and decided to take the plunge. “I like you, ok? A lot.” She tried not to be distracted (or swayed) by the breathtakingly hopeful smile now spreading across Raelle’s face and continued, “But, I’m a foster kid. Which means, I don’t stay in one place very long. And when I do get moved, it’s usually with no notice, so I disappear. Which means,” she paused and looked up at Raelle, who now, heartbreakingly, had a look of realization spreading across her face. “I don’t really do attachments. I can’t. Because one day I’ll be gone, and it’s just hard on everyone involved. Do you… understand? Is that, um, ok?” She asked, not bothering to hide the hope on her face.

Please. Please don’t burn me.

Raelle looked at their joined hands for a long moment. Scylla’s unspoken meaning was clear: we can be friends, but nothing more. And even more unspoken: I like you, I want more.  

But eventually, she locked eyes with Scylla once more, sad, but reassuring.

“Yeah Scyl,” she said, running her thumb over the back of her hand. 

Scylla tried to ignore her heart fluttering in her chest. 

Raelle smiled, “It’s ok.”

MARCH

It was not ok. After Scylla had left that day, Raelle had walked the two miles or so over to Tally’s house and let herself in. Tally and her mother had taken one look at Raelle, standing miserable and gazing pleadingly at Tally (she was never good at asking for help), before Tally had bundled her off to her own bedroom while her mother was already on the phone with Abigail and starting to put a hot meal together. 

The rest of the day had been spent wedged between her sisters while they chattered over the pasta Tally’s mom had made (and delivered with a comforting hand on Raelle’s shoulder), followed by a High School Musical marathon that Abigail tried in vain to prevent Tally from singing her way through. They knew Raelle wanted the noise though, even if she was silent herself. They didn’t pry either. She would talk when she was ready.

Eventually she had fallen asleep in Tally’s bed with the girl’s arms wrapped around her while Abigail had crashed on the floor. In the morning she told them what happened, minus Scylla’s personal stuff, and they sympathized with her. Abigail, ever the realist, had suggested that now she knew it couldn’t happen, the crush would fade.

The one time Raelle wanted Abigail to be right, she wasn’t. 

At first, they played it off pretty well. She met Scylla after school a few times at the library to work on their project, and on Saturdays they got accustomed to meeting at Raelle’s house to knock out bulk work, after which they would spend a few hours just hanging out. The day of the project came and went, but they still met up after school a few times a week. They were friends, and as February rolled into March, they even started opening up more to each other.

Scylla didn’t bring up her parents, but told her more about life in the house she currently resided in. Raelle now realized she had never heard Scylla refer to it as ‘home,’ and now she knew why. The fosters she lived with were… ok, but not great. She got the impression that they viewed Scylla as a convenient source of income. Scylla assured her they weren’t abusive or neglectful; more like, indifferent. They didn’t particularly care about her. 

That night, Raelle lay awake in bed for a long, long time.

She also told Scylla more about her own life. 

With her mother she said simply, “She’s gone a lot, and if it’s ok I’d rather not talk about it.” 

But as for her dad- they were pretty close, and even though he worked a lot, he always tried to be present in her life. Scylla had smiled fondly at that. She even met him, eventually. She had stayed a little later than usual one day and Edwin had come home early. It was slightly awkward at first when Edwin said it was “nice to meet your girlfriend Rae” but she quickly corrected him and it passed.

Soon after that, the cold finally began to release its hold on Boston, and it was becoming clearer that the two were not good at ‘just friends.’ Where once they could comfortably sling an arm around the other’s shoulder or give a playful nudge while walking together, they now realized that all these touches would all too quickly become charged with unspoken desire. 

Then, the touches stopped altogether and often one girl would find herself reaching for the other, catching herself, and dropping her hand. It wasn’t always before the other noticed, but they never said anything.

It was driving Raelle mad. She was so drawn to Scylla that she freely admitted to herself now it was more than just a crush, and she had to stop herself everyday from blurting out her feelings. 

It was affecting the rest of her life too: Abigail often had to bring her attention back to whatever conversation she was supposed to be part of or whatever assignment she was supposed to be doing. Tally stopped suggesting she try to talk to Scylla about it again after Raelle snapped at her to let it go (she felt bad later, and apologized, and Tally was understanding).

It all came to a head though, once the Junior overnight trip was announced, about midway through March.

~.~

“Hey!” The sound of Tally’s voice unexpectedly sounding in her ear made Raelle jump. “Sorry, hello, I am here.” 

Tally leaned herself against Abigail’s car as they waited for her to arrive. Raelle turned her focus to Tally and tried to pretend she hadn’t been watching Scylla across the parking lot as she went to her car. Tried to pretend she hadn’t seen her look back and gaze in her direction before she left.

They didn’t walk to her car together much anymore.

“So,” Tally continued, seemingly oblivious to Raelle’s distraction, “The trip is coming up next week, and I am HYPE if you can’t tell. I’ve never been to Salem before but Abby has and she says it’s pretty cool. There’s like a pageant thing they put on and everything. Once she comes back from getting our room information and everything, you’re gonna wanna put headphones in because I will be asking no less than 32 questions.” She held up a piece of paper. “I counted.”

Raelle chuckled affectionately and rolled her eyes. “Easy Tal or she will kick you out at my house and make you walk. You know she will. She has. ” Raelle leaned her head back against the car door and added, “At least the rooms will be easy, they’ll probably just do the unit thing again.”

The squeal from Tally was, in Raelle’s opinion, unnecessary and deafening. “Unit unity!”

They didn’t have to wait much longer until Abigail could be seen heading towards them from the sidewalk. But there was an odd expression on her face. She was staring at a paper in her hands and wearing a mixed look of confusion, distress, and apprehension.

“Something wrong?” Tally asked. She didn’t wait for an answer though and as soon as Abigail approached she was peering over the other girl’s shoulder at what she was holding. 

Abigail stared at Raelle as Tally suddenly gasped and clapped a hand over her mouth. Raelle could hear a muffle “oh shit” form under her fingers.

Now she was very curious, because Tally typically didn’t swear. “What? What’s the problem?” 

Abigail and Tally shared a Look.

Abigail said, “So, you now Izadora is one of the head chaperones on this trip right? And she was in charge of rooms.”

“Yeah, and?”

“Well… Ok so apparently some rooms will have an extra student, since there’s been transfers and whatnot over the past couple years. So… we got one of those.”

“Aaaand?” Raelle waited impatiently as an overwhelming feeling of dread began to wash over her.

“Well, we got one of them in our room. Because, Izadora figured you were friends and we wouldn’t mind, so…”

Realization and horror washed oer Raelle. “No… Oh no…” She grabbed the paper from Abigail and stared.

And stared.

And stared some more.

Eventually she conceded that staring was not going to erase what was on the page: a room assignment bearing the names of herself and her Unit mates…

And Scylla Ramshorn.

“... FUCK! ”

~.~

Sitting in science together the following day had been interesting.

“So.”

“Yep.”

And that had been the end of it. They had very intentionally not brought it up again and kept to their usual “just friends” conversation, and so it went for the rest of the week.

Saturday morning came and the Circe High Junior class waited in the early-day chill as the buses lined up and they were counted off. They stood in their room assignment groups and loaded them onto the bus in pairs.

Of course Scylla and Raelle were loaded on together, despite Tally’s attempt to put herself forward. The ride was mercifully short, but that thirty or so minutes felt like a lifetime to Raelle. She could feel Scylla pressed against her, could feel the heat coming off her through their light jackets. She could smell her shampoo and once or twice she had to stop herself from leaning in. It was a quiet ride.

Once they were released into Salem, however, with strict warnings from Coach Quartermaine to behave, it got a bit lighter. Not stuck in such a small space, they found they both could relax a little more and start to enjoy themselves. 

All the students were free to roam as they wished as long as they stayed in their units (with their plus ones if they had them). So the four of them began to wander the market area, frequently having to stop and chase down Tally who was running off in all different directions.

Soon enough, they all were laughing together and having a good time. Raelle was able to put the awkwardness aside and began to truly enjoy her time with Scylla. At one point they wandered slightly away from Tally and Abigail to find something to eat. They found a vendor selling homemade donuts, and Scylla bought one with black and white glaze and gave it Raelle with a wink.

Raelle’s stomach was doing somersaults as they meandered back to the other girls. Tally looked between the two of them and gave Raelle a knowing wink. 

Eventually, they rejoined their classmates near the middle of a large grassy area to watch the pageant of the Salem Witch Trials.

As the pageant went on, it got later, and a bit darker, and a bit colder. Raelle saw Scylla shiver next to her once, then again. She hesitated, then reached out and rubbed her back a bit, trying to help her warm up. The grateful smile Scylla sent her made her heart skip in her chest. A few minutes later though, she saw Scylla shiver again. Raelle debated with herself feverishly for several moments and then made a decision.

Taking a deep breath, she moved behind Scylla and wrapped her arms around the girl’s waist (Tally gasped so loud that Abigail elbowed her). Scylla stiffened and for a long moment neither girl moved. Then, all at once, Scylla relaxed back into her chest, bringing her arms up to rest on top of Raelle’s. Raelle, for her part, couldn’t breathe. She held her breath, afraid to move at all, lest she break the spell currently over the two of them. But gradually she realized Scylla wasn’t moving away from her. She caught Scylla with her eyes closed, a soft smile on her face, leaning her head back on to Raelle’s shoulder. 

Raelle smiled to herself, closed her own eyes (ignoring Tally’s cooing), and tucked her face into the side of Scylla’s neck, breathing deeply. She was happier and more peaceful in this moment than she could remember being in a long time, holding the girl she was falling in-

And then Abigail threw up.

~.~

Raelle swung the door to the hotel room open as wide as she could and stood out of the way as Tally and Anacostia half-dragged Abigail in and over to the bed. They laid her on to it and she rolled over with a groan. While Tally ran into the bathroom for a wet cloth, Raelle held Abigail’s hand and pushed the hair out of her sweaty face.

“Hey, Abs, it’s ok, I’m here. Me ‘n Tally are here, yeah? You’re ok.” She looked up at Anacostia worriedly.

“It’s just food poisoning Collar, she’s not dying in the trenches. She’ll be fine in the morning.” 

Abigail began gagging and leaned over the side of the bed. Raelle was able to get out of the way just as Tally dove in at the last second with an ice bucket to save the floor from what now spewed from Abigail’s mouth. 

“Nice save Craven. Ok. If she gets worse, Izadora, Berryessa, and I are down the hall.” 

As she left the room she could be heard muttering, “Why is it always these three, I swear.”

Raelle continued to hold Abigail’s hair back until she was… finished, then helped cool her down with the wet cloth. Tally began to move around the bed and started removing Abigail’s jacket, boots, and pants, leaving her in just her shirt and boxer briefs.

“It’s sweet.” Tally and Raelle jumped as the until-now-unnoticed Scylla spoke. 

They turned to her and she raised an eyebrow. 

“It’s sweet how you guys take care of each other,” she elaborated, smiling at them. 

The two sisters looked at each other for a moment before Raelle looked down, smiling and shrugging it off, and Tally smiled brightly at Scylla.

“Thanks!”

“Tal?” Came a weak groan from the bed. 

Tally looked down and squeezed Abigail’s hand. “Hey, I’ll be right back ok? Rae’s here though. Try not to kill each other, I’ll only be five minutes.” 

While Tally disappeared into the bathroom to get ready for bed, Raelle helped Abigail get herself settled under the covers, and had her take sips of water. 

As Tally came back, Raelle pressed her lips to Abigail’s forehead and heard a quiet, “I love you Shitbird.” 

“Love you too Abs, feel better,” she whispered back.

Tally clapped a hand on her shoulder and climbed into the other side of the bed. “Don’t worry Rae, I got her from here. She’ll be fine. Our Bellweather will be back up and infuriating you in no time,” she said with a fond wink. 

Raelle just rolled her eyes and turned back to the room. 

Scylla was watching them with the oddest look of longing and sadness on her face, but it was gone before Raelle could say anything.

“I’m uh, gonna use the bathroom next if that’s ok, then we can-” Scylla stopped.

It was at this point both girls had a sudden realization (as did Tally, if the “Eep!” was anything to go by). With Abigail being tended to by Tally in the bed, the only place for Scylla and Raelle to sleep would have to be the small remaining bit of floor space in their room.

~.~

Raelle paced in front of the bathroom mirror, thinking.

Ok I can’t stay in here forever. It’s late, I’m tired, I gotta go sleep. I just have to play it cool and not focus on the fact that the girl I’m in- that I like is going to be sleeping about a foot away from me. Raelle ran a frustrated hand over her face.

Get it together Collar. It’s just one night, you can handle this. BOUNDARIES, you useless lesbian. She asked for them, she trusts you, do NOT blow this. Part of her couldn’t help but think back to earlier, when she had held Scylla during the pageant. It had been such a fleeting moment and yet, already she was addicted. She braced her arms against the bathroom counter and lowered her head, remembering.

Scylla’s scent was intoxicating, her skin was incredibly soft. Raelle could still feel the warmth of her neck against her own cheek. Could still feel the heat of Scylla’s blush burning into her skin. Her arms ached already to hold her again, feel how soft she was in her arms, fold her protectively in an embrace and protect her from the world-

This is not what I would call ‘keeping it together.’

Raelle pushed herself back from the counter and took a deep breath. Ok. I can do this. Just, face away from her and try not to think about it too much.  

Not even slightly convinced, she left the bathroom and returned to the little sleeping area Scylla had laid out while she was hiding.

They had piled up some extra blankets to lay on and got some extra pillows from the front desk. Scylla had already chosen a side (Raelle couldn’t help but notice they naturally slept on opposite sides of the bed) and was lying on her back, watching Raelle as she came in. Raelle hesitated only briefly, before laying down next to Scylla and scooting under the blanket.

They lay there awkwardly for a minute before Raelle said, “So, um, the pageant was cool, right?”

Scylla was silent for a moment and then laughed softly. “Raelle, it’s ok. We can just sleep.”

Raelle smiled and looked at her for the first time. “Yeah, you’re right, as usual. ‘Night, Scyl.”

“Good night.”

Raelle turned on her side, facing away from Scylla and tried to go to sleep. For the longest time she laid there, trying not to focus on the breathing she could hear behind her, or the warmth she could feel spilling off the body next to her, but it was for naught. She was hyper-aware of the girl next to her and it completely prevented her from falling asleep.

So hyper-aware, in fact, that she noticed when the breathing changed.

It was subtle at first, but gradually a stutter became more pronounced. Raelle frowned and cracked an eye open, listening. Then she heard a sniffle.

Scylla was crying.

Raelle sat up a little and whipped herself around and saw, to her horror, that Scylla was on her side, crying quietly into her pillow.

“Scylla??” Raelle whisper-yelled. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” She reached out and tentatively laid a hand on Scylla’s shoulder.

The girl froze and tried to wipe her face. “I’m fine, Raelle, go back to sleep.”

“Hey, no, don’t do that. Not to me.” Gently, Raelle rolled Scylla over so she could see her face. She moved the girl’s hand aside and brushed the hair from her face. “Scyl, it’s me. I’m here for you, always. You can talk to me.”

Scylla stared at her for a long moment, an unreadable look on her face. For a minute, Raelle thought she would turn away but then:

“Watching you. With them. Tally and Abigail. It’s just,” Scylla paused and looked over Raelle’s shoulder to the girls asleep on the bed. The next words were said in a whisper Raelle could barely hear, “I wish I had that.” Fresh tears began to leak from Scylla’s eyes as she curled up into herself and began to cry anew.

“Oh Scyl,” Raelle’s heart broke to watch Scylla cry like this. She didn’t think too hard about it: she laid down and pulled Scylla against her, tucking the girl’s head beneath her chin and holding her tightly. “Shhh, it’s ok. I’ve got you.” 

Scylla wrapped her arms just as tightly around Raelle and burrowed into her neck like it was the last safe place on Earth. Their legs tangled together as Scylla cried and Raelle held her, humming softly.

When at last the sobs died down, and Scylla’s breathing evened out, Raelle buried her face into Scylla’s hair, breathing deep once again as she felt exhaustion overcome her.

As sleep took her, she whispered, so quiet she barely heard it herself, “Scyl, I’m your family. And you can be mine.”

APRIL

Things were different after that night. 

Scylla had woken up late the following morning, head pounding, with Raelle’s chest pressed flush against her back and the girl’s arms still wrapped tightly around her. Raelle had already been awake, and was softly running her nose along the back of Scylla’s neck. They both had lain there, for a brief moment wrapped up in the warmth and comfort of each other, but then reality slammed back in, and Scylla went stiff in Raelle’s arms, mind racing.

Shit shit shit. Ohhh not good. The hell were you thinking?! Shit, fuck, no no no.

Scylla laid there, eyes squeezed shut, not moving, until Raelle finally extracted herself from their cocoon, with only a soft, “Ok.”

Scylla had spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon holed up in the hotel room, feigning illness, until, mercifully, it was time to return to Boston. Equally as merciful, she was able to sit next to Abigail for the ride home, watching (with no small amount of jealousy) as Tally sat with Raelle tucked under her arm for the duration of the trip.

The last bit of March saw Scylla doing everything she could to avoid Raelle. She didn’t respond to her texts or phone calls, ignored requests from Jenn and Donut to come play with them (she smiled and teared up at the thought of Raelle doing that), and in class, she huddled on her side of the table, interacting with Raelle as little as possible.

She knew she was hurting Raelle, that it wasn’t fair to just ghost her like this, but she also knew she had crossed a line in Salem.

No attachments, no ATTACHMENTS, and you went and did the dumbest possible thing you could do? Congratulations, you flew right past ‘attached’ and straight into lo-

No! Shut up. I- I didn’t- I’m not-

But she was.

April came ‘round and Scylla was faced with the undeniable truth: She was in love with Raelle. She cried herself to sleep more than once, and everyday in science class she ached to slide herself over, tuck herself under Raelle’s arm, and hide her face in the girls’ neck: the last place she felt safe.

But the looming threat of her inevitable departure kept her firmly on her side of the table and away from the girl she loved.

Until.

Until one day, after the final bell rang, Scylla went out to her car only to find Raelle, beautiful, funny, strong Raelle, perched cross-legged on the hood of her car.

Scylla stopped about a foot away from her car, perplexed, tilting her head questioningly at Raelle. The girl propped an elbow on her knee and rested her chin in her hand.

She said, “You’re coming with me today. Or you can drive home with me as your new hood ornament.” She raised an eyebrow in challenge, daring Scylla to refuse. “Don’t test me, Scyl, I have something to show you.”

It had been a long couple of weeks, and Scylla was drained. Looking at the determination on Raelle’s face, another thing she loved about her, she sighed and dropped her head, nodding. With a smug grin, Raelle slid off the hood of the car and into the passenger seat.

~.~

Scylla was surprised to learn she was just going to Raelle’s house, but Raelle assured her that, “You’ll see when we get there,” and she trusted Raelle, no matter what else, so home they went.

Once there, Raelle led her to the door with a reassuring smile thrown over her shoulder, distracting Scylla enough that she didn’t notice the other two cars in the drive.

Once inside, however, there was no way to miss the small gathering in the living room: Abigail and Tally took up one armchair, with Tally perched precariously on the back of it as she put braids into her sister’s hair. The other armchair was occupied by Edwin, who Scylla had never seen home this early (early enough even to have already showered and changed out of his work clothes). Jenn and Donut were running around a small track in a playpen on the floor, right in the middle of everyone.

Scylla froze in the doorway, confused, looking to Raelle for answers.

Raelle gave her a soft smile and said, “Once a month we do family night, either here or at Tally’s house. I thought: it’s about time you joined us. You know, so the whole family’s here.”

Scylla had to duck her head to hide the tears that threatened to spill over until she felt a hand wrap gently around her wrist and tug her into the room. She allowed Raelle to tow her over to the remaining two-seater sofa and sat down (stopping first to greet the rats, of course).

The night was incredible. They laughed, watched movies, Edwin told stories, and they pooled some money together for pizza and ice cream. At one point, Edwin produced an old-school Polaroid camera and they took (surprisingly decent) pictures for a bit. Scylla couldn’t remember the last time she felt this free and included. She found herself more than once looking around just to take it all in and for the first time in over two years, she felt part of a family again.

~.~

Much later, after Edwin had gone to bed and Abigail and Tally had passed out in the armchairs, Scylla and Raelle were still sitting on the two-seater, laughing quietly as they thumb-wrestled.

“Why do you keep winning? This is homophobic.”

“What the fuck Ramshorm, I’m gay too, you’re just a sore loser,” Raelle replied with a shove and a laugh. Scylla smiled and leaned against the arm of the sofa, stretching her legs out over Raelle’s lap. Raelle arranged herself similarly, so they were facing each other. The sofa was small but so were they and they fit pretty comfortably.

“Hey um, I just wanted to say… thanks. For bringing me here.” Scylla fiddled her thumbs together as she spoke, avoiding Raelle’s eyes.

“Of course, we all wanted you here. Jenn and Donut especially,” Raelle added with a wink. It was enough to make Scylla chuckle and look up.

“Well, you know I only came here for them,” she said, ignoring the light kick she received. Sobering up a bit she added, “But really, I…” She trailed off.

She felt a hand gently cover hers. “Hey, Scyl, it’s ok. You don’t have to say anything else. It’s just me.” The soft smile Raelle gave her was enough to completely wipe the last of her reservations and she took a deep breath.

“No. I think I do want to tell you. My parents-” Her heart squeezed painfully but she pushed on- “they were killed. When I was fourteen. Robbery gone wrong. I hid in the garage.” Scylla clenched her eyes shut as memories threatened to overwhelm her and tears filled her eyes, until she felt both her hands encased in Raelle’s.

“I’ve got you.”

A strangled sob escaped before Scylla could reign it in, but she pulled herself together and looked up at Raelle with a grateful smile.

“Thank you. I’m ok, I just- Some days I miss them more than others. And today, here, with all of you, I remembered what having a family that loves you feels like again.”

For the next hour or so, Scylla told Raelle all about her parents. She told stories of birthdays and hikes and star-gazing, and any time she couldn’t go on, Raelle was there with a smile and a squeeze of her hands, endlessly patient.

It was cathartic. Scylla had never spoken to anyone about her parents since they died, not the child psychologist she had been sent to for a while after it happened (before she was sucked into the foster system and no one cared anymore). But now, it was all coming out in waves, and Raelle was there to hold her head above the water.

And then it was Raelle’s turn.

Scylla had long since turned herself around and they were now laying side by side, arms smushed together, on the small sofa. Raelle was playing with the fingers on Scylla’s right hand (and trying not to fall off the edge of the couch).

“So, my mom…” Scylla waited, as patient as Raelle had been for her. “She’s a doctor. She does a lot of work with Médecins Sans Frontières, Doctors Without Borders. She’s somewhere in Cambodia right now. Will be, for a couple more months.”

Scylla was surprised. She didn’t know anything about Raelle’s mom really, but having never seen her nor sign of her, she had assumed Willa Collar had perhaps left the picture entirely.

“That’s… good? Is that not good?”

Raelle sighed, “Yeah it’s amazing. She’s amazing. She’s a great doctor and she helps countless people. Who are very far away. All year round…” Raelle trailed off again and Scylla began to understand.

“Ah. I see. So… how long has it been since she was here?” She felt the shrug against her shoulder.

“Months. She was here in December but she left New Years Day. She’ll be back sometime in the early summer before she heads out again.”

“I’m sorry, I know that must be hard.” Raelle huffed and flipped onto her stomach, shoving her face into the pillow they had propped behind their heads.

“She’s doing amazing work and saving lives and I know all that, but I wish…” Another pause, “I wish she were here more. I miss her.” Raelle turned her head to the side to look at Scylla. 

“It’s selfish, I know, and I never tell people about her because they just say how wonderful it is, and how many people she’s helping, and how I should be more supportive and whatever. Case in point, that’s what Abby said when she found out,” she said, rolling her eyes. “But she understands now, they both do. I am proud of my mom, but I miss her and… I want her home.”

Scylla brushed some loose hairs out of Raelle’s face, running her hand along the girl’s braids. Raelle swiped a few tears from her eyes and smiled up at Scylla.

“Thanks. For listening. And you know, not judging.”

And Scylla smiled back.

“Of course. I’ve got you.”

~.~

The next morning had dawned, bright and early, with Tally shaking Scylla awake. She didn’t say anything as Scylla extracted herself from Raelle’s embrace where they had fallen asleep together on the sofa. Tally just gave her a Look before pressing a kiss to Raelle’s head and departing with Abigail.

Scylla stood and stretched, looking around the room to get her bearings. Jenn and Donut were still curled up together, snoozing away the morning.

“They’re just like their mom.”

Scylla jumped, mid-stretch, as Edwin came up behind her and spoke.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to spook ya.” He came around where she could see him and pointed at the rats. “Jenn and Donut. They’re just like Rae. Like to sleep in,” he said, chuckling fondly.

Scylla smiled hesitantly, not entirely sure where she stood with this man who was the father of the girl she was (probably pretty obviously) in love with.

“Yeah,” she said, “Raelle’s not much of a morning person. Not much of a ‘person’ person before noon, really.”

Edwin laughed, “You’re not wrong. Come on, I’ll walk you out.”

Ominous.

He headed towards the door as Scylla grabbed up her stuff, petted the rats goodbye, and spared one last look at Raelle before leaving also.

Edwin was waiting by her car.

“So,” he began, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. Scylla was starting to really see the resemblance here. “Ah, apologies in advance, I have never done this before and I’m really not much better at talking to people than my daughter is.” They both fidgeted uncomfortably for a moment before Edwin continued.

“So, you and Rae, I uh, couldn’t help but notice…” He ran a hand frustratedly over his face as he trailed off again.

Yeah, strong resemblance.

“Look, Mr. Collar, um, sir, me ‘n Raelle, we’re not- I mean, we’re just- we’re… friends,” Scylla finished lamely. That didn’t sound convincing in the slightest. Tell him you’re a shapeshifter next, because that would sound way more believable.

Edwin raised a disbelieving eyebrow at her. “Right. Yeah I heard all about that, just not sure if I believe it or not. Not sure if you do either.” He sighed and rested a kind hand on Scylla’s shoulder. “Look, I don’t pretend to understand what all is goin’ on between you two, but even I can see the effect it’s having. I’ll leave it to the two of you to work out but… I don’t know. I hope you figure out what’s important, Scylla Ramshorn, and cling to it.”

He squeezed her shoulder and pressed something into her free hand before departing back into the house. She watched him go, thinking hard, before looking at what he had given her.

Two pictures had been pressed into her hand: one was the group shot from last night. All of them were piled on the two-seater together, smiling (Raelle’s arm wrapped snugly around Scylla’s shoulders), and Long-Arm Bellweather had taken it with the Polaroid. The second was a candid, taken in the early hours of the morning: Raelle on her back on the sofa, one arm thrown over her head and mouth hanging slightly open, the other arm wrapped tightly around Scylla, who was laying on top of her, one arm tuck between them, the other grasping Raelle’s shoulder. They looked peaceful, quiet.

They looked like lovers.

Scylla took those pictures back to the house she lived in, not home (she had the feeling she was driving away from home now), and looked at them for a long, long time.

~.~

After family night, things improved for Scylla. Mostly.

She and Raelle started talking again during Biology. They went back to giggling in the back of the classroom, heads together as they talked about after-school plans, weekend adventures with Tally and Abigail, and (occasionally) actual science things.

Outside of school, they spent more time together than ever. Recovering from their first awkward encounter, Edwin and Scylla discovered they got on pretty well, to the point that they were comfortable alone in the house together while Raelle made a snack run down the street. 

With April, and the first touch of Spring, Scylla became a fairly regular guest at the Collar house, far preferring to be there than with her foster parents. At one time, during one of the Unit’s weekend escapes (Scylla didn’t feel left out, she knew it was important for them to get away together sometimes), she stayed in the house by herself, taking care of Jenn and Donut and watching old black and white films with Edwin. Other than that though, the girls would spend hours in Raelle’s room, playing with the rats, watching movies, and relaxing in each other’s company.

But they sat on opposite sides of the bed. They didn’t fall asleep near each other. They didn’t share the two-seater; at least one of them would always take an armchair. In class, there was always a fat textbook between them, and when they walked out to the parking lot, it was always with their hands stuffed carefully into their pockets.

Scylla wasn’t sure at all what to make of this new dynamic. On the one hand, she loved having her friendship with Raelle restrengthened. She’d felt lost these past weeks without her, and alone. And she wouldn’t trade having a home to hide away in for anything. On the other hand, however, being closer than ever to Raelle just drove it in even harder how much she wanted her. Needed her.

Scylla realized now more than ever how in over her head she was. It was harder and harder each day to remember why she was keeping Raelle at arm’s length. Everytime she found herself gazing at the girl for too long, or reaching out to touch her, or longing for the feel of her skin against her own face though, she steeled herself and shut it down.

It’s bad enough as it is. It’s going to kill you when you have to leave. Don’t make it worse. Just, shit, just be friends. You can do this.

But she couldn’t. The pure, raw, want she felt every time she was near Raelle was eating at her. Her chest ached every time Raelle smiled at her. She absolutely could not be ‘just friends’ with this girl, but she absolutely could not be without her. Scylla was riding on a razor’s edge, entirely unsure about which way she would fall, or when.

~.~

It happened April 30th, at the Spring Fling.

The dance had been announced about halfway through April, and it was all anyone was talking about for a while. Abigail feigned a cool disinterest, despite already having her dress picked out and everything, and Tally was beside herself with excitement, dragging all three girls with her to every conceivable dress shop in Boston to find the perfect one. Both girls had dates: Abigail with the new exchange student, Adil (who chilled her out considerably, making him a good person in Scylla’s opinion), and Tally with Gerit, a boy from Byron’s lacrosse team who she had been flirting with on and off for a while.

Scylla knew Raelle was very proud of her stand-offish nature, her ability to look at someone sideways and get them to fuck off, the way she let nothing and no one push her around, but even Raelle Collar is no match for Tally’s puppydog eyes. And apparently, neither was Scylla.

Which is how they both ended up in Raelle’s house on a Friday night, dressed to the nines, waiting for Tally and Abigail to pick them up and head to a dance neither of them really wanted to go to. Scylla had used the upstairs bathroom to get ready, and now was waiting in the living room for Raelle. Edwin had already complimented her, in his awkward way, and told her she looked lovely. She had on a dark blue dress that fell just past her knees, a light denim jacket, and shoes with a small heel (at Tally’s insistence). She fidgeted with the hem of her jacket while she waited for Raelle to emerge.

When she did though, Scylla’s jaw dropped .

This is illegal, what the fuck, I’m too bi for this. GodDAM somebody call 911, I’m dying.

Raelle had on a matching dark navy blue suit jacket and pants, with a soft cream shirt underneath, unbuttoned so as to nearly be indecent. Her hair was let down completely and fell like the softest curtain of silk around her face.

Scylla was still staring open-mouthed by the time Raelle looked up at her, causing the girl to blush and look away. She did a double-take though as she took in the sight of Scylla.

They stood for a moment, staring, before being interrupted by someone awkwardly clearing their throat.

“Oh hello girls, so glad you made it.Thank you.” Edwin’s voice rang out slightly louder than necessary, to bring attention to Tally and Abigail, who had just arrived and were waiting in the doorway, giving Raelle a Look.

“No problem Mr. C. Looks like we’re right on time,” said Abigail, raising an eyebrow at Raelle. “Damn, Shitbird, you clean up nice! Come on, let’s get going.” She jerked her head towards the door.

As they all piled out Scylla was surprised to receive a hug from Edwin after Raelle did. He pulled away quickly, turning red, and mumbled something about having a good night before he retreated to his bedroom. Raelle smiled and winked at her before pulling her out towards the cars.

~.~

The dance looked pretty good, to be fair. The administration had gone all out with renting a DJ, good catering, and nice decorations. For a dance in a school gym, it was a solid turn-out.

In the beginning, the Unit plus Scylla and their dates decided to hang out as a group. They grabbed some food and staked out a table, laughing and talking and having a good time. Byron even made an appearance, as a surprise for Raelle. Her usual cool demeanor failed as she leapt up to hug her friend, mindful of his crutches, and dragged him to the table.

“Byron!” Was the general cry as everyone was excited to see him. For a moment Scylla only watched as the rest of the group reconnected and caught Byron up on things he had missed. She had heard about him a lot from Raelle, and she knew the girl was very happy to see him back on his feet.

Eventually though, Raelle said, “Byron, this is Scylla.”

She sat up and leaned in as Byron gave her a discerning look. He eyed her up and down and placed a hand on his chin in an exaggerated thinking gesture.

“Ah yes, I see. My replacement.”

“Correct, she is, and she's way better at Bio than you are dude. I’m keeping her.”

I’m keeping her.

Scylla lost track of the conversation after that, barely registering as Byron deemed her a worthy lab partner and punched Raelle on the shoulder for, “being rude.” She was stuck on those words. I’m keeping her. They were said so innocently, but they were so loaded. She wanted nothing more than to be Raelle’s, and for Raelle to be hers. And she imagined, briefly, a world where even if she was sent away again, Raelle would still want to keep her close, choose her, fight for her.

I would choose her. Instead of anyone else, I would choose her.

Some popular song came on and Tally and Abigail left to dance with their dates. Byron also dragged Raelle off to the dancefloor, despite the fact he couldn’t do much. She shouted an apology at Scylla, but she just waved them off to go have fun.

She sank back into her thoughts again, the same old spiral, only to be interrupted once more as Byron came back and collapsed on a chair next to her, panting.

“I’m beat, she’s all yours.”

I wish.

Nevertheless, Scylla looked up to see Raelle dancing alone, hand stretched out towards her, and decided to have just one dance with the girl she loved.

That dance turned into two, which turned into a group dance, which then split up again and went back to just Raelle and Scylla. The entire time, they never stopped holding hands.

Eventually, inevitably really, a slow song came on, towards the end of the night. All the students broke up into pairs and began to slowly dance to the music. Scylla felt Raelle’s eyes on her, questioning, but she couldn’t bring herself to look up.

The decision was made for her as an arm slid around her waist, pulling her flush against Raelle’s chest. Raelle picked up their already intertwined hands and held them loosely against her shoulder. Slowly, carefully, watching Scylla’s face for any sign she didn’t want this, she began to sway to the music.

Scylla’s heart was about to come out of her chest. She was sure Raelle had to be able to feel it pounding. She moved with Raelle, half-panicked, half-melting, feeling the warmth of the other girl’s body seep into her own. Raelle was looking at her with a mixed look of hope, adoration, and-

Oh.

Oh shit.

All at once it was too much for Scylla. She couldn’t breathe, she felt trapped, she needed to get out. She gasped and wrenched herself away from Raelle, stumbling backwards.

“Scyl? What’s wrong?” Raelle reached for her, worried. “I’m sorry, I overstepped, I didn’t mean-”

Scylla couldn’t listen anymore. Couldn’t stand to hear Raelle keep apologising for something that was not her fault. She needed to go. Disappear like she should have months ago. She started towards the door, shrugging the hands that grabbed at her (who else ?).

“Scylla, don’t. Please.” The clock on the gym wall ticked past midnight.

She ran.

MAY

Raelle’s feet pounded the pavement as she raced outside, skidding around the corner towards the parking lot.

Tally’s words ran in her ear: Go after her, Rae. Go get your girl.

She pushed herself faster, painfully aware of the head start Scylla had. Something inside her was screaming: Stop her NOW. Somehow she knew, if she didn’t catch Scylla tonight, she’d never see her again.

She wouldn’t let that happen.

She rounded a final corner and slid to a stop, scanning the sea of cars in front of her.

Fuck me, fuck me, where did we PARK??

Finally she spotted it, and with a strangled sound of relief she realized Scylla’s car was still there, and she could see the girl fumbling with the door.

No!

Raelle took off again, full speed towards the girl she absolutely refused to lose. Not like this.

“Scylla!”

Scylla jumped at the sound of her name and turned to look over her shoulder. Raelle refused to be put off by the look of dismay that crossed Scylla’s face as she realized she had been followed.

“Go back, Raelle! Please! Just go!” Scylla shouted as Raelle got closer. Defiantly, as was her nature, Ralle put on a final burst of speed and slammed into the driver’s side door just as Scylla got it open.

“Ow! Ow, fuck, ah fuck that hurt, shit!”

“Jesus Raelle, are you ok?” Scylla asked, despite herself. Raelle shook herself off and stood, rubbing her shoulder.

“Well since you asked: No Scyl, I’m not ok. Please, please talk to me, don’t go, I- just tell me what’s wrong! What do you want? What do you need, I’ll do anything, Scyl, please-”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

They both fell silent at Scylla’s words.

Raelle felt her heart begin to crack. “What do you-”

“I can’t do this anymore, Raelle. I’m sorry, I just can’t. I tried- I tried - to be ‘just friends’ but we both know that’s bullshit. We’ve never been ‘just friends’. And we’ve been the only ones trying to believe that.” Tears filled Scylla’s eyes and Raelle desperately tried to find words, but the damn had broken and Scylla was on a roll now.

“I can’t take it anymore, Raelle.” She wrapped her arms around herself, as if she were trying to hold herself together. Her head hung low as if she didn’t have the strength to support it. “I can’t- I can’t sit across a table from you when all I want is to be pressed into you. I can’t text you goodnight when all I want is to be lying next to you, holding you while you sleep. I can’t watch you laugh when all I want is to brush the hair out of your face and kiss you.” She looked up finally, tears coursing down her cheeks, and Raelle’s knees nearly gave out as she saw the desperation and the longing.

“I can’t, Raelle. I can’t be ‘just friends’ when I want so much more. I can’t be ‘just friends’ when I love you.”

Raelle stood in shock, staring at Scylla.

I- she- what now? She whAT? She loves-

Raelle couldn’t move, didn’t know what to say, her brain was frozen. Scylla, though, was still going.

“I love you, Raelle, and I would never do anything to hurt you. Please believe me. But I can’t stay here. It’s hurting both of us. So please, just- just let me go.”

The feeling of tears on her cheeks is what finally snapped Raelle out of her shock. Scylla was already turned back to her car when she was suddenly grabbed by the shoulder, spun around, and pinned to the door by a pair of very strong hands.

“No.” Raelle’s voice was oddly calm as she addressed Scylla. “No, you said your piece, now it’s my turn.” She relaxed her bruising grip on Scylla’s shoulders and rubbed them gently. “Scylla Ramshorn, you and I… are idiots.”

That’s… not really where I wanted to go with this. Too late now, let’s roll.

“We are though, we’re dumb. You said it yourself, we’re the only ones trying to convince ourselves we can ever be just friends. Everyday that goes by I remember a little less why we’re trying to pretend. It makes no sense. I know you, and you know me, better than anyone aside from the two girls behind us trying to pretend they're not eavesdropping.”

There was a brief sound of some people scrambling away.

Scylla chuckled through her tears.

“Scyl, I know the risk. But I don’t care, and I want to fight for you. Please, please stay with me, please be with me. Choose me, Scyl.”

Scylla gasped at Raelle’s words, finally looking her in the eyes.

“But- but I leave. I’ll disappear one day and-”

“Worth it.”

Raelle stepped closer to Scylla, sliding her right hand into the girl’s hair and gently scratching the back of her head, watching as Scylla’s eyes fluttered.

“If I only get to have you, hold you, kiss you, for one more month and then you leave forever- it would be worth it.”

She pressed herself fully against Scylla, leaving the car to hold them up. She brought her left hand up and gently cradled Scylla’s face, sliding her thumb back and forth across her skin.

“If I only get to kiss you once , right here, tonight, and you were gone in the morning, it would be worth it. Because Scyl-” She leaned in even closer, until she could feel Scylla’s breath on her own lips and spoke in barely more than a whisper.

“-I love you, too. And we’ve already wasted enough time. So unless you stop me, I am going to kiss you tonight.”

Scylla stared up at her, wide-eyed, breath caught in her chest.

She didn’t pull away.

Raelle closed the distance between them with the softest brush of her lips against Scylla’s, eyes sliding shut. She pulled away the slightest bit as Scylla released the breath she was holding and then-

They crashed together. Raelle tightened her grip and pulled Scylla closer, sliding their lips together like they were made to fit. It wasn’t frantic, but full of passion and love. 

Scylla slung an arm around Raelle’s neck to pull her closer and the other arm clutched at her back, trying to keep herself upright.

Raelle moved her hand from Scylla’s face down to her waist, wrapping around and pulling her impossibly closer. The taste of Scylla’s mouth was… indescribable. It was sweet and warm and just a little bit like mischief- just like Scylla. And the feel of her lips- as soft as she’d ever imagined. And the sounds - Scylla made the tiniest of moans, each one made Raelle’s heart skip a beat.

Right away, Raelle knew one kiss would never be enough, but she would cling to every moment she had with Scylla with both hands, and anyone who wanted to take her away had better be prepared to fight.

Eventually, the need for air won out. Raelle fisted the hair in her right hand and gently pulled Scylla’s head back, leaning in to rest her face in the other girl’s neck. The both panted hard, out of breath, emotionally drained, but still exhilarated.

Raelle pulled back just enough to see Scylla’s face. They both had wide smiles and fierce blushes, and they clung to each other tightly, not ready to let go yet. They laughed together, and Raelle brought her head forward to rest their foreheads together.

“I love you, Scylla.”

“I love you, too, Raelle.”

Raelle’s heart soared hearing those words again. She vowed to hear them as many times as she could, in whatever time was given to them.

And then-

“Finally. Took long enough. Can we go home now? Dance is over, it’s late, et cetera.”

“Fuck off Abby.”

“Love you too, Shitbird.”

Raelle rolled her eyes and shook her head, pulling Scylla in to kiss her again.

Because one was never going to be enough.

~.~

From that night on it was… gross. According to Abigail. Who said she couldn’t walk from the living room to the kitchen without walking in on Raylla (as Tally dubbed them) making out. Twice. But her girl was finally happy so she left them alone. Mostly.

And they were happy. Scylla was now almost a permanent fixture in the Collar home. Edwin had been happy the morning after the dance when Raelle had come downstairs hand-in-hand with Scylla. They didn’t say anything but they didn’t have to. Their faces spoke volumes.

And then Edwin sat them both down and told them exactly what he did and did not ever want to walk in on, laid out some ground rules, and that was it.

It was very uncomfortable.

But then he took his daughter and her girlfriend (as he happily proclaimed) to a diner down the street and bought them a late breakfast.

They spent all the time they could together, after school, weekends, and Scylla was even invited on a Unit Unity weekend escape in mid-May. And of course, family night was always her favorite.

But more than anything else, Raelle loved that on most nights, she got to fall asleep next to Scylla, holding her close and protecting her from the world. She would take in the scent of the girls in her arms, and let the sound of her even breaths lull her to sleep. 

She loved Scylla, completely, and a night came where (with Edwin working a late late shift) she wanted to show her. And she did. Slowly, thoroughly, with so much care (her breathing wasn’t quite so even that night).

It was perfect.

~.~

And then: Life.

One day, Scylla disappeared.

She didn’t spend every single night with Raelle, so she wasn’t worried at first, but then she wasn’t at school the next day and later that evening she didn’t respond to any of Raelle’s texts.

There was a growing feeling of fear and dread in Raelle’s chest; a reality that she could not bear to face. Abigail and Tally tried to help, to comfort her, but to no avail. Eventually, they left Raelle at her house and went to drive around, see if they could catch wind of Scylla.

Raelle waited, staring at the clock, growing more numb as time ticked by.

When the first knock came, Raelle flew off the couch and answered before the second.

Scylla .

“Scyl!” Raelle grabbed the girl in front of her and crushed her to her chest, already crying. Scylla held her and they rocked back and forth in the doorway as rain poured outside. Only as the water began to soak her did Raelle realize Scylla was dripping wet and shivering, a backpack slung over one shoulder. She had scrapes on her hands, she was muddy from the knees down, and she looked pale.

Wordlessly, Raelle brought her upstairs, shooting off a text to her sisters. She dropped the backpack in the hallway and towed Scylla into the bathroom and turned the shower on. She pulled her girlfriend’s clothes off and then her own before guiding them both under the spray, holding Scylla under the warm water until she stopped shivering.

Later, both now clean and warm and dry, wrapped in a blanket and curled together on Raelle’s bed, Scylla told her what happened:

It was pretty much what she had been worried about for months. She was being moved to a new foster home, again, in another city. She didn’t even know which one; she hadn’t stayed to find out. She had panicked, thrown what little she owned into a bag, crawled out the window, and bolted sometime before dawn. The whole day she had spent hiding, not knowing what to do, terrified.

“I- I didn’t know where else to go. I just- I wanted- you.” Scylla squeezed her eyes shut and burrowed further into Raelle’s chest, who just held her tighter. “I can’t leave again, I don’t want to leave. I have a family again, finally. I have you .”

But Raelle didn’t have an answer; she was just as scared. So she rolled on top of Scylla and offered her the only thing she could: distraction.

Neither of them thought about much else for a while, just held each other close and tried to make the other forget.

Eventually though, evening found Raelle in the living room, curled on the two-seater sofa with Scylla, Edwin in an armchair, Abigail pacing, and Tally on the floor, feeding the rats.

Family meeting.

Even Tally’s mom was on speaker.

For several moments no one spoke. The air was tense and still.

Finally, Edwin spoke. “Well, first things first I suppose.” He looked at Scylla. “Are there any cops or anyone that’s gonna come lookin’ for you here?”

She shook her head. “I’m sure I’ve already been labelled a runaway. No one would care enough to look, especially not a sixteen year old. And the people I live- lived- with have probably already filed for the care of another kid. Don’t want to lose out on any income.”

A sound of what sounded suspiciously like swearing came through the phone speaker.

“Well, that’s that then. Only one thing for it. May?” Edwin asked, directed at the phone. The girls all looked at each other, confused.

“All yours Edwin, just let me know later what you need.”

“Yes ma’am, I’ll be in touch.” The line went dead.

There was a pause.

“Um, Pop? Something you’d like to share?”

He cleared his throat. “Ahem, well, ah, I’ll be honest, I’ve been thinking about this a lot. What I would do if this situation ever came to be. And May has too. And we think the only proper solution here would be if Scylla stayed here in this house.”

Jenn and Donut raced around their track in the playpen, completely oblivious to the chaos and shouting that erupted around them.

~.~

In the end, it was simple.

First, no one let Scylla protest. She got out about a single, “But-” before she was shut down. Second, Raelle confronted her dad while Tally got her mother back on the phone (“Mom, what the fuck, you can’t just hang up after that.”). Abigail just sat in the remaining armchair and picked up a magazine.

Finally, Edwin explained, in no uncertain terms, that Scylla was family now, and family looks out for each other.

The plan was simple too: after some legal stuff was sorted (emancipation maybe?) Scylla would stay in the Collar home. Most of the time. Because everyone agreed that to keep things healthy, Raelle and Scylla did need time apart, and the two girls agreed.

So, some days, Scylla would stay with Tally and her mother. Even there, she was welcomed warmly and soon enough, she got as comfortable with May as she was with Edwin.

~.~

May rolled on and the school year drew to a close. The girls were all looking forward to summer, followed by their senior year. Scylla vowed to find a job and start saving money. Edwin and May wouldn’t let her pay them rent, but she did insist on feeding herself. And life would be easier with a phone and maybe her own car.

On the last day of school, Raelle presented Scylla with a gift: a necklace with a small bird skull on it. On the inside was an engraving that read: I’ve got you. Scylla called her an ass for making her cry in front of people. The kiss she got more than made up for it though.

Byron healed fully, just in time to help plan the summer beach trips around jobs and extra classes (“Calm down Bellweather, we’re not impressed.” “Shut up, Shitbird.”).

Tally was insufferable over having been right (again) about the semester.

Their summer kick-off beach trip was scheduled for June 1st. The night before, the Unit + Scylla and Byron, token male, had a campout in the Cravens’ backyard. They had a small bonfire, roasted marshmallows (and each other), laughed, and made new memories.

As it started to wind down, Scylla wandered away from the fire a bit, so she could see the sky. Only a minute later, she was joined by Raelle.

Raelle slid her arms around Scylla’s waist, resting her chin on her shoulder, much like she had those months ago in Salem.

“Come here often?”

Scylla spluttered and laughed, “Cheesy. Yeah I get it, you’re gay.”

Raelle gave a low chuckle, “Have you seen you?” She pressed a kiss to Scylla’s cheek. “So what are you doing over here?”

Scylla sighed and leaned her head back against Raelle’s shoulder.

“You remember when I told you about my parents? How we used to star-gaze together?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“I haven’t looked at the stars since, not really.” She leaned to the side and turned to see Raelle’s face. “Will you watch with me?”

Raelle smiled softly, leaning in to press a sweet kiss to Scylla’s lips.

“Of course.” She hugged her tightly as they both looked up to the stars.

“I’ve got you.”