Chapter Text
So the best (fight me) 4th wall breaker is back! I'm making it up as I go along so it's 50/50 whether this ever gets finished. (you better finish! - gwen)
It was for once a normal morning in New York. The crisp sun shone, the people bustled underneath the towering skyscrapers, and not a single supervillain was carrying out an evil deed (understandable, one of the first rules of being a villain is that they are absolutely not morning people).
From the top of one of these skyscrapers there crouched a masked figure, a very distinctive masked figure, her costume pink and white, and rather lacking in the leg department-
"Where has the comic gone!"
Her shriek startled the pigeons around Gwenpool and they scattered into the air, disturbing the previously tranquil scene.
[umm]
"Why is everything blank text right now...where is the badass comic art showing off how awesome I am...and most importantly, what's happening?!" Gwenpool exclaimed, crossing her arms in a huff and glaring at the sky in absence of any 4th wall she could physically break.
[well…]
"Am I in a book? Already? I didn't think I was that famous yet...wait... Don't tell me. I'm not in a fan fiction, am I? Ewww no, get me out! Get me out of this right now, I don't want to be teamed up with an edgy teenager's self insert character, that’ll totally ruin my style. Oh wait, please i beg you, don't let this be smut! The internet is evil sometimes…”
[Hold your horses, calm down!]
"Who the hell are you?". Gwenpool jumped several feet into the air, actually shocked for once. While she’s always been allowed to break the 4th wall, it certainly wasn’t usual to get a response.
[I'm the author. Look I know fanfic are not ideal but right now you don't have many choices do you? You are out of print and need fan support until they get you into the x-men or something]
"Well when you put it like that..."
[plus I promise no fluff, or that self insert whatsit]
"In that case... Hey true believers! It's the unbelievable Gwenpool here to show off my awesomeness and prove I can still hold down a fandom even without my own comic book at the moment! I definitely know what I'm doing at the top of this huge tower block, and not the slightest bit confused at all! I'm gonna do my superhero thing now, as soon as I... Uh, author guy, what am I doing up here? I mean I'm all for dramatic opening shots but I can't actually, you know, be a superhero from up here."
As Gwenpool looked around she saw that there seemed to be no way off the skyscraper, and since the story started with her on top she had no clue how she got up there either.
[uh about that...]
"You have no idea either, do you." it was a statement, not a question.
[just give me a sec...]
"Well someone needs to figure a way down, and it's not like I've got flying powers. I could just jump off and rely on my plot armour to save me, but I've not exactly got confidence in your writing skills just yet. Also aren't I a little too omniscient for my character? I don't remember being able to talk to the writers before.” Gwenpool thought to herself that it's probably something this author guy thought up to make up for the lack of a gutterverse in this format...hey! Stop putting words in my head! I don't even let Quentin do that...um, you saw nothing.
[I am starting to see why they decided to stay quiet… Hold on a sec, I think I know how to sort this out]
"Sort what out? Have you figured out a way to get me back dow-"
Some time later, Gwen found herself seated in a fast food joint, back out of her costume and in street clothes, slurping on a strawberry and vanilla milkshake. "Lazy writing, but convenient I guess" she quipped, taking a slurp on the shake.
"So what kinda story am I in? A heist movie? A buddy road trip?" Gwen wondered to herself. Then suddenly her phone buzzes.
"Ah, the exposition".
Accepting the call, Gwen put the phone to her ear. " 'Ello, Gwenpool here, (former) mercenary extraordinaire and current vigilante hero. Who's this, and what's the plot device?"
"This is billionaire playboy philanthropist Tony stark, who does not appreciate being called a 'plot device'"
Gwen immediately perked up, Iron man was calling her! "umm oh yes, sorry iron man-I mean Mr Tony-um Mr Stark"
"yes yes enough of all that, now spideys little protégé told me that a certain deadpool knock off" Gwen almost interrupted here but held back because it was freakin iron man! "are looking to get out of the mercenary business and become a bona fide hero."
Does this mean I'm gonna become an avenger!? Gwen excitedly thought to herself, to be swiftly crushed by Iron man's next words.
"This is not, I repeat, not, an invitation to the avengers". Gwen smiled ruefully, yeah not even her biggest fans would put her in the avengers just yet. (though gwen stares meaningfully at the sky and winks at the word yet).
"However I have a slight issue and I figured, why not kill two birds with one stone? You do this for me and it'll prove you are on the up and up, and in return we don't look too closely at your past. So what do you say?”
“Aye Aye Mr Stark! No more mercenary work for me, whatever you want I’m your Gal!...what is it that you want?”
“You see, this artifact was recently stolen from one of our deep storage locations and is somewhere in New York. we need to use your mercenary contacts to hunt it down. Its no exaggeration to say that if it fell into the wrong hands it could tear apart the Avengers”
“But what is it?” Gwen persisted.
“Is there any way of getting you to do this without knowing? No, I guess not...Fine, what is it called Thor? Uatu the watchers eye? What sort of name is that? Anyway did you get that Gwenpool, I hope you know what it is because I sure as hell don’t. Get it and bring it back before whoever took it uses it for… whatever it does. Ciao (i need another drink…)”
Iron Man hung up before Gwen could respond and she sat back in her seat, grinning from ear to ear. “I’m working for Iron Man!” she exclaimed quietly to herself, then directed her next works into the air “Okay mr author guy Ii take back everything i've said about you so far, That was so cool...buuut i'm leaving the explanation of what the eye of the watcher actually is to you because that's super boring”. With that Gwenpool got up and left the fast food restaurant, headed for her apartment… and very intentionally ignoring the shouted question from the counter as to whether she had paid.
[Nice to be appreciated, heh]
Notes: Uatu was a Watcher (one of the oldest and most powerful beings in the universe) who spent all their time observing the earth from the moon. Since all this knowledge was stored in its eyes when it was killed they became extremely valuable, and hold very important and damaging secrets that could cause another superhero civil war, stuff like the Human Torches unethical experiments on the Thing, or the real identities of all the spidermen.