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Remus still couldn’t believe the cute guy he kept bumping into while reading at the park had asked him out, much less that it had gone so well they had now been on three dates. Each had been more wonderful than the last. First was just an easy coffee date, a small shop near both of them, learning a bit more about each other, and Sirius making him laugh so hard his sides hurt for the rest of the day. Second date, which Sirius insisted on planning, took them to the zoo, where Remus discovered just how adorable the man was when he talked about something he enjoyed, specifically when Sirius got to talking about penguins. Then last night, the two went out to dinner and Remus got to fulfill his hopeless romantic dream of a walk in the park, holding hands with a gorgeous man who walks him home to his doorstep, only for the dream to end there.
Sirius hadn’t kissed him goodnight. Hadn’t kissed him at all actually. They flirted almost constantly, both made their fair share of innuendos while joking, and certainly Remus felt like there were moments they both started to lean in, yet Sirius still had not kissed him. It wasn’t for lack of trying either. Remus had figured maybe he was just insecure, even though as soon as Remus had taken a look into those grey eyes he knew no one else would compare, or just was waiting for a sign so the freckled man thought he could take charge. Leaning in, kissing Sirius’ knuckles when they held hands, and there were now a couple of times they were just talking and leaning closer and as soon as Remus built up the courage to seal the deal, Sirius leant back.
For the life of him, Remus couldn’t figure out why Sirius was so hesitant if he kept trying to see him as often as they could and texted or called almost constantly. The insanely insecure part of himself was slowly becoming more convinced Sirius just didn’t like him that way, and all the flirting was just harmless fun. Because of that voice, Remus had decided that on their next date, tonight actually, he would just ask Sirius why he hadn’t kissed him. If his worst fears were true, then at least he got it out of the way, and if that wasn’t the case, then at least he’d damn well get some answers.
So that’s how he found himself on his couch with Sirius, watching some mindless comedy, and completely lost in his own thoughts, so much so that when the movie ended it took a minute or two of Sirius calling his name for Remus to realize the tv was off. Turning his head to look at Sirius, he was met with a small smile but his eyes gave away his worry.
“Re, love, you good?”
He meant to start a conversation, had rehearsed in his head at least twenty times by now. And yet, what came out of his mouth was “Why won’t you kiss me?” Remus all but blurted out the question, a lot louder than he had intended if the surprised look on Sirius’ face was anything to go by. “Okay definitely not how I meant to ask that, but straight to the point right?” He gave a small chuckle and looked away from Sirius, now suddenly very interested in his hands as he tugged at the hem of his sweatshirt — actually it was Sirius’ now that he thought about it. “I just, we’ve hung out so much and been on three official dates and I just want to know if you even want to kiss me because if you don’t I get that but I really need to know for my own sanity and wow this just —”
His rambling was cut off by Sirius taking one of his hands and lacing their fingers together, placing his other hand on Remus’ jaw to turn his attention back to Sirius.
“Love, just take a breath okay?” Remus did, realizing his breathing had actually sped up a bit and sent Sirius a small smile as a thanks, “I’d first like to say, I absolutely want to kiss you,” Remus chuckled, but already felt a lighter from that reassurance, “I’m also glad you decided to actually talk to me instead of just keeping those worries in that big brain like I know you usually do.”
Remus ducked his head at that, heat rising to his cheeks, even more when Sirius playfully poked his cheek, “Okay yes I may have started going down the thinking rabbit hole,” he raised his head to look at Sirius again, almost letting himself get lost in the soft blues and grays, “but you still haven’t answered the question.”
Sirius met him with a small smile, never breaking eye contact, “You remember how I said I haven’t really dated anyone in a while?” Remus nodded, curious to see where this would go. “Well what I meant by that was that I have not had more than a one night stand in over five years.” He paused, as if he expected some big reaction.
“Okay, and?” Remus urged him to go on.
“You’re not– You don’t care?”
“What do you mean?”
Sirius looked down for the first time, showing the shy part of himself few saw but Remus was slowly getting to experience more often, “Well I know some people are put off by that, think it’s something, I don’t know… dirty?”
Remus immediately wanted to yell at all the people who had said that to Sirius, “Do you think it’s dirty?”
Sirius’ head shot up, face stunned as if no one had asked him that before, and took a moment before answering, “Well no, I wasn’t ready for a relationship and it was just sex. I got what I wanted and so did the other person.”
“Exactly, so why should I care? And more importantly, what does that have to do with why you haven’t kissed me?”
A smile broke out on Sirius’ face, so radiant Remus had to look down at his hands as he waited for what Sirius would say. “Have I mentioned how amazing you are?”
This time it was Remus’ head that shot up, cheeks bright red, “What?”
“You just didn’t judge me at all and just thought you should know that you’re amazing,” Remus’ flush made its way down to his shoulders at that, “But I still haven’t answered your question.” He brought his hand up to scratch at the back of his neck, a nervous habit he never managed to break and continued, “I guess just those people saying how because I was sleeping around for so long, I’d only get into a relationship for sex, kinda just got to me. I think I was just trying to prove to myself, and them too I guess, that I could actually have an emotional connection to someone. And I really, really didn’t want you to think I was just in this for sex, so I figured we could just take it slow.”
After that long explanation, Sirius fell silent, waiting to see what Remus would say. “Sirius, are you telling me you haven’t kissed me because you were being a gentleman?”
Sirius let out a loud laugh, the question taking him completely by surprise, and as he managed to calm down to some giggles, he took Remus’ face in his hands and managed to say, “Love, I was trying to be the best gentleman and get you to swoon so fucking hard.”
Remus broke into his own fit of laughter, and when he calmed, the two just stared at each other, bright smiles lighting both their faces. Sirius was the one to break the silence, smiling as he asked, “Re, are you saying you’d like me to kiss you?”
He nodded, nerves coming back and flushing his face with a light blush. At some point Sirius had dropped one of his hands, but the one still framing Remus’ face moved to cup his jaw, leaning in until they were sharing the same breaths. His eyes fluttered close, Sirius leaning in, his own nerves stopping him for a moment before he closed the distance, lips brushing lightly, a short sweet kiss. Remus felt a shiver run down his body, suddenly aware of every part of him touching Sirius, their knees brushing, his hand still on his face, all of it. Meanwhile Sirius felt as though his body was on fire in the best way, lit from the inside, and burning just to keep Remus close.
That single moment, that small kiss, seemed to last forever yet be over entirely too soon, but they both pulled back, opening their eyes and meeting the other’s immediately. Sirius couldn’t help but smile, which sent Remus into his own blushy smile before he took Sirius’ hand from his face, fitting their hands together, but not stopping there, sliding them across one another until Sirius linked their pinkies together.
Remus’ gaze went down to their hands, cataloging all the differences, his pale freckled skin compared to Sirius’ tanned, seemingly flawless yet calloused hand. Sirius however couldn’t take his eyes off the face of the freckled boy in front of him, trying to figure out if there was more brown or green in his eyes, and unable to stop the small smile on his face. The two stayed like that for a while, in comfortable silence until Remus brought his gaze back up to the beautiful man in front of him.
“Hey Sirius?”
“Yeah love?”
“Can you kiss me again?”
Sirius let out another loud laugh, cutting it off quickly as he leant in again, “You don’t always have to ask.”
Remus smiled and closed his eyes, leaning in and whispering “I know,” before his lips met Sirius’ again, the two rarely parting for the rest of the night.