Chapter Text
Shuichi is beginning to suspect that Kirumi is secretly a cat.
He ponders his hypothesis as he sits on a bench in the Ultimate Academy courtyard, soaking in the warm afternoon sun. He's had a hunch for several days now, gathered from closely observing the maid's behavior, but as a wise man once said, extraordinary claims require extraordinary proofs. Only with a rigorous forensic investigation will he be able to definitively prove his suspicions.
A perfect mission for the Ultimate Detective.
He pulls a small notebook and a retractable pen out of his breast pocket, clicking the pen several times with his thumb. He flips through the faded pages, stopping on a page headlined The Cat of the Baskervilles, and taps a finger on the line reading EVIDENCE.
First on the list is behavioral analysis. In public, she acts as aloof and detached as always, presenting the very image of elegance and subservience as she serves the other students with an admirable neutrality. But as soon as the two of them were alone on a night she'd all but pounce on him, wrapping her arms around him and nuzzling him affectionately. Sometimes, he'd swear he could practically hear her purring.
Shuichi nods. A distaste for public affection, coupled with a hunter-like tenacity. Very, very feline. Satisfied with this point, he clicks the pen twice more and heads to the next line.
She seems to like fish, even taking into consideration the heavily maritime Japanese diet, and it frequently finds its way onto the menu she prepares for the class every day. But on the other hand, she doesn't seem to care for canned tuna, writing it off as tasteless "mass-produced swill."
Shuichi frowns, regrettably crossing the line out. Not the crystal-clear evidence he was hoping for.
There's circumstantial evidence supporting his claims, too. Tsumugi had crafted for her an adorable cat-eared headband not long ago - Angie had wanted to paint a fresco of some ancient feline god, apparently, with the maid reluctantly agreeing to be the model. Once the whole affair was over she had quietly stowed the accessory away, promising to 'dispose of it later,' only to surprise Shuichi later by greeting him with it on. She'd done her damnedest to stay her usual, composed self, pretending that nothing was different, but try though she might she could never hide the blush coloring her cheeks. He smiles, just thinking of the memory. God, that was adorable. Refocusing on the task at hand, he records this evidence under "possible feral instinct."
Elementary, thought he.
He jots down several more clues in quick succession. She doesn't seem to like swimming, and has never set foot in the pool. She takes her coffee with a ridiculous amount of milk. She has little patience for Kaito's antics, and he's definitely the most dog-like of the bunch.
Lastly, perhaps the biggest clue of all, is the sound she makes when he kisses that one spot on the back of her neck, a sound suspiciously, undeniably, like mewling. He blushes despite himself just thinking about it. The side everyone always saw to her was so refined, so calm, so chaste - he likes to think details like this are their best-kept secrets, reserved for him and him alone. If this evidence ever got loose, he'd never hear the end of it.
Shuichi pauses his scribbling and taps a finger to his lip, deep in thought. Any other sounds that might bolster this point? After some time, he writes "further experimentation required" underneath the bulleted line.
He lifts the pen from the notebook and nods enthusiastically, heart swelling with the thrill of the chase. For being so capable, Kirumi was so foolish! She's left a paper trail a mile wide in her wake. All Shuichi had to do was follow. Yes, the Ultimate Detective is hot on her tail. Not that she has a tail, of course.
That he knows of.
Reviewing his case notes, his enthusiasm suddenly falters as he makes a disturbing realization. Something is missing.
He slaps a hand to his forehead and curses himself for having missed it, a glaring, gaping hole threatening to tear his entire argument asunder.
Cats like playing with yarn, right?
He grimaces, furrowing his brow in frustration, as his mind works itself into a frenzy. A critical piece of evidence, still missing from the puzzle - the final bullet of truth essential for his breakthrough.
She seemed to like knitting, sure, and was definitely handy with a needle and thread, but that wasn't quite the same thing. What clue was he missing? How could he wring the solution to this persistent, final problem out of her?
An idea dawns upon him. Maybe he could ask Kiyo for some rope.
He makes a quick note of this and leans back, marveling at his assembled arsenal of evidence. The incriminating intelligence stretches across several pages of his trusty notebook. One last bit of legwork, and the last piece of the puzzle will finally fall into place. He'll confront Kirumi soon enough, and no matter how much she might squirm, she'll never be able to deny the charges, guilty beyond all reasonable doubt.
Shuichi slams the book shut. He leaps to his feet, pumping a fist in determination.
"I promised to find the truth, absolutely no matter where it leads.
I'll expose Kirumi's lies, and make her face that same truth herself...
...I'll conquer my fears, and find the true path forward! I will fight with truth and lies in this class tri-"
His inner monologue grinds to a halt. His determination withers and dies, and in its place the seed of doubt takes root. He flips open the notebook, still clutched in one hand, and pores over its contents once more. He purses his lips and tenses suddenly, threatening to crush the flimsy book in his grip.
"...What the hell am I doing?"
Shuichi feels the burning shame that comes with a joke that has overstayed its welcome. He claps a hand over his face, mumbling hopelessly under his breath. Tearing the offending pages out of his notebook, he tosses them lazily over his shoulder. He stuffs the booklet back into his pocket and trudges away hanging his head, embarrassed at his little flight-of-fancy.
Maybe he'll go bother Kaito. A spot of exercise might help him forget this whole business sooner.
***
Elsewhere, Kirumi Tojo sets down a pair of garden shears, wiping the sweat from her brow with the back of her gloved hand. Satisfied with her handiwork, she rises to her feet and dusts off her dress. She sets off walking, admiring the newly beautified hedges lining the Ultimate Academy pathways.
Their animatronic headmaster had requested that she "trim a few plants", promising it a "simple, five-minute gardening job." She should have known something was up when he broke into a fit of giggling halfway through his orders. He had neglected to mention that a "few" just so happened to constitute every hedge, vine, and tree within the Academy grounds. What should have been an easy chore had ballooned into an entire day of back-breaking work.
But it was not, of course, beyond the Ultimate Maid's ability.
A glimmer of white amongst the rows of green catches her attention. She twitches slightly, her perfectionist streak irked by the sight, and makes her way to the offending hedge, searching for the source of the blemish. She soon has her answer - a few mangled bits of paper lie stuck amongst the leaves, fluttering loosely in the wind. Kirumi sighs, bending down to retrieve the scraps. She enjoyed her job, sure, but it would be a far easier job if the other Ultimates would only stop littering everywhere. She makes a mental note to chide her classmates on the subject later.
A familiar piece of handwriting catches her eye. Intrigued, she delicately unfolds the wrinkled pages, careful not to damage their contents. The word EVIDENCE stares back at her in all capitals, the Ultimate Detective's unique script unmistakeable.
She scans the document quickly, eyes dancing over the neat lettering filling it to the margins. Her eyes widen slightly, and she touches a hand to her lips, her face ever-so-slightly tinted a fine rouge.
"Most intriguing indeed," she murmurs aloud. Smiling, she folds the pages into her apron and sets off walking again.
Perhaps she'll wear the headband when she goes to see him next. Or perhaps she'll address him as 'Meow-ster', just to see how much he squirms.
One thing remains certain. Shuichi is in for a very interesting night.