Archive of Our Own

What the Cat?

-F. Worthy

Intro

Once apon a time there was an insanely evil cat called Jasper.
The less said the better.
But this story won't be 'better'.

Jasper was a big orange cat with lots and lots of fur, so when he jumped into puddles of you don't wanna know what, he looked really wet and saggy and scary if your a six year old with a thing for squeeling and overreacting.
In other words, my cousin, Josie.

This is the story of our adventures with Jasper, the insane cat.

It was a sunny day in Candelo. Not that we were near Candelo, it was just the closest town to where we lived.
Which is considerabley sad.
Because Candelo actually consisted of 1 pub, 1 post office, 1 groceries store, a take away shop, a garage and a church.
And a next to nothing school called Candelo Primary.

My family and I lived in Buckajo, about 5 or 7 k's east from Candelo.
My family are farmers, in a sense.
We have cows and horses and pigs and chickens and craff, but we don't do anything with them.
We move the cows from paddock to paddock, but we don't sell them or anything.
But I do use them for milk.
But that's just me.

My parents are highly technical people.
My father, Johnathan Mytchel, worked (past tense) for a big I.T company in Sydney or something, before he met my mum and moved out to Buggery.
My Mum, Maria Mytchel, got a p.H.D in engineering or whatever, before she met my dad in some run down coffee house wich they were both regulars.
Aparrently it was an incredible story about love and fate, but I was never any good with 'touching' stories.
I was always more of a 'Guns over Roses' kind of person.
But it was always fun watching my romantic elder brother trying to open my eyes to his own, psychotic world.
He would always cheer me up, even if he wasn't trying to.

I have three elder brothers.
I am the youngest and the only girl (apart from my Maria) in my immediate family.

My eldest brother, is Brian Konnar. He married 6 years ago and took his wife's name. She isn't realy important to this story, so I'll Just skip her name.
Brian is 13 years older than me, but he is only my half brother by my mum. Both my parents are on their second marraige, so my brothers are really only partly my brothers.
But there is always that part of us, that means we are related.
And I love them.
There family.

My second eldest brother is Michael Mytchel. He married his girlfriend at 18, like, the moment that he graduated. It only lasted about 3 or 4 months.
Michael went to Ireland after that. I think his excuse was 'I need a place that I can finish my book and be at peace with God.'
Mum and Dad believed him and they gave him 4 thousand to get him there.
I didn't though.
I knew he went there to escape all the memories that this tiny town held for him.
I told him to come back when he got over her.
I liked his face whenI said that. It made me smile for hours after.
He is from dad's side of the family.

Then lastly, there's Samson, he's only a year older than me.
We get along realy well, but sometimes we have these realy bad fights that can last up to months.
But I think that in some weird way that gives us a realy good relationship

Anyway, this story is about my psychotic cat, Jasper, and how he got me and Sam into the most terrifying ordeal of our entire lives.

Any way, I remember when it all began.
Well, it would actually, I think, it would be best to go back a bit before Maria and Dad got kidnapped by striking up cows.

Chapter One

Racing and Snakes

My Dad was guiding the cows into the west paddock, and Maria was exercising the horses in the south paddock.
So I had the east paddock all to myself. Kind've.

I was racing our family dog, Litte to the tree in the middle of the field.
I wasn't winning.
Wich was rather disapointing. Because I could keep up with the Quad-bike.
Dang.
Not fast enough.

Litte reached the tree and ran around it barking and wagging his tail.
“There is no need to brag about it!” I cried reaching the tree and sitting down. “I admit that you are faster than me, but that doesn't mean that you will always be. And I think we should both accept these facts gracefully and move on.”
Litte barked happily.
“Please don't shout at me.” I said holding up a finger sternly. “I find it somewhat irritating.”
Litte turned his head to the side and whined slightly.
He was giving me a very sad, very cute look.
“Oh, don't try that with me young dog.” I warned. “That will only partly work on me.”
Litte barked again. But it sounded more like a warning than a 'what?'

I looked around and froze.
There was a brown snake, coming towards me.
I didn't like snakes. I do now though.
Well, I prefer poisonous to constrictors.
The poisonous ones, tend to have better manners

The snake stopped and kind of looked around. tasting the air with it's tongue.

'Can it see us?' I thought. 'Maybe I should run now? I could climb the tree, but then Litte would be in danger.'
Then without warning, a big orange fuzz, ran from the cover of some uneaten grass and tackled the snake, full on.
“Jasper!” I shouted leaping up.
Jasper was in fact, my cat. The family owned 4 or 5 cats, but Jasper was my very own.

I think.
Jasper had a few 'owners' that he went to.
I think.
Jasper is a very mysterious cat.
He's also fairly psychotic.

Jasper was biting and scratching the snake, but the snake was kind of playing dead, wich was weird for a snake to do.
Maybe.
I didn't realy like snakes. Like that Indiana Jones guy.
I love his movies!

Then, Jasper just stopped, stood up and, with the live snake, went off towards the creek that he went to and did God knows what.
It was too difficult for me to get to, and Litte always started to whine and bark about 10 metres from the trees that surrounded the creek.

“That is one crazy cat.” I commented, watching Jasper trot off happily. ”Do you think they have animal psychologists yet?” I asked.
Litte sneezed and started off for the house.
“Nah, didn't think so.” I said, walking after him. “Come on, let's nic some icecream from the kitchen.” I thought for a moment. “Do you think we have any soy-malt-coffee flavoured icecream yet?” I called.
Litte barked happily and started to run towards the house.

“Hey! you can't have it all to your self! And besides, you need thumbs to get it!” I laughed, racing up to the house.
Litte barked back at me.
“Yeah, we'll see about that!” I shouted.
and as I ran, I forgot all about the minor adventure I had just witnessed.
And I didn't give a secon thought to Jasper, or the snake.
I mean, Jasper was psychotic.

@*@*@

chapter two

Vanilla and Smoked Ham

I sat down at the kitchen table and swallowed a spoonful of icecream.
Vanilla icecream.

“You liar Litte!” I cried angrily, and he looked up from his bowl of icecream. “You siad that we had soy-malt-coffee flavoured icecream. But we don't. It's only vanilla!”

Litte whined slightly.

“Don't try to apologize!” I cried. “It was a blatant lie and you know it!”
I was very angry. I was always serious when it came to deserts, or any kind of food really.
“I expected exotic, but I got plain, and it's all your faul...” I trailed off and my eyebrows went up, blending into the rest of my hair.
“Now there's a thought.” I murmered, and litte barked.
I am, admittedly strange. When something peaks my curiousity, my eyebrows go up, and then theres no stopping me until I've worked through the entire subject. And Lord only knows where I'll end up.
Litte whined and came to sit by my chair.
I looked down at him with glazed eyes.
“Is vanilla plain?” I asked and swallowed another spoonful, tasting it carefuly. “Vanilla is a flavour. If it was actually plain, then it wouldn't taste like vanilla. So what would it taste like?”
Litte whined and shuffled on his paws.
“You think it tastes like air?” I asked. “ Sorry, no go. Air has a taste aswell. And if the air is tastey, then it's not plain. And if the air is smokey, then it's smoke flavoured air. Or maybe it would even be smoked air. You know, like that gross smoked ham stuff.”

I frowned. “Ew!” I cried.

I made a scrunched up face down to litte and had more icecream.
“Maybe, they force those poor pigs to smoke cigarettes, and thats why it tastes so gross!
“So smoked ham flavour is actually cancer and gangreen flavour! That is disgusting! Oh my God! How the hell do they get smoked salmon?!”
Litte barked.
”That's it! I've had enough with all these over proccessed gross meats, I'm goin' vegetarian!”
Litte whined, and shuffled again.
“I know, it is a serious problem. I guess I'll just have to learn to eat vegetables.”

“Lauren, your speaking to yourself again.”
Yuh oh, Maria, I thought. She snuck in while I was ranting.
“You should not talk to yourself, Lauren, it is somewhat, rude.”
Maria is my mother. She, as I've said is a technical whizz. She has the need to be in the lime light and does not like that I can think for myself.
She hides that particular dark part of her soul by telling me that it is rude to think and day-dream, and talk to Litte, and well, any thing else that seperates me from the crowd.

“Honestly Mum, you should be used to it by now.”
Sam, had snuck in while Maria was telling me not to do.
I beamed when I saw Sam.
I considered Sam to be knight in gothic armor.

“One should not need to get used to it my darling samson,” she said sweetly. “The speaker should just stop speaking.”

“Maybe you should cut her tongue out, that would sovle the problem.” Sam replied, opening a can of cola.

Please don't speak to me that way Samson,” Maria said frowning. “It harms my soul and darkens yours.”
Sometimes Maria went all mystical on us and I could barely hold in my laughing.
I could never help but see her in some dark tent, telling people that the satrs needed to be in line just right, before they could buy a lottery ticket.

“Then your soul must be black and Lauren's must be crippled.” Sam grinned. “Come on Lauren let's go watch a movie.”
And we were out the door befor Maria could say or do, anything.

We were running up the stairs to our Retreat, wich is what we called the rumpus room.
The Retreat was filled to the brim with bean bags, old toys and knitted rugs. We had had this room since we were realy young and we still loved it.
There were three windows with classic style openings, and only one of them had a fly screen.
The other two we used for escape.
One had vines growing way up past it to the roof, it was easy for entering the Retreat, but the other window was best for exits.
It had a big old gum tree that had a branch growing close to the window. The branch didn't look like it could hold two people, but it could quite easily, as we had proven about a thousand times.
These were called, the Thorn window and the Gum window.
And of course there was the awsome technical crud, that we could amuse ourselves with for hours. There was the smartboard, that we got for christmas, that had suround sound, and full internet connections, that could also play DVDs. We had a widescreen TV with an Xbox 360, an Xbox, PS2 and Ps3, plus a Nintendo Wii.
Then throw in all the handheld games, and board games we own, and the Retreat, was the funnest place on Earth.

“I can't stand that woman!” Sam growled sinking into a bean bag. “Why does she treat you like that?”

I smiled and sat on the ground next to him.
My brother was always the quiet type, but his personalitie clashed with his look of silver skulls and black leather.
Not that he ever wore actual leather of course, but his bracelet-strap-thing-with-lots-of-spikes was a fairly good imitation.
His hair was dyed black and was generaly left to it's own devises, and was probably only two inches long.
His face was never covered in make up, exept, of course for the big black smudges of mascara he wore around his deep blue eyes, all the time.
Even his sneakers were black, and they were always suspiciously clean.

Sam was incredibley different to Maria.

She always had her soft brown hair up in a neat little bun, and wore perfectly fitted outfits, that were arranged the night before.
She wore just enough makeup to make it seem that she didn't care, when realy she cared a great deal (I always saw her chosing her makeup carefully).
She wore good stylish flat shoes that were great for a farm, but also great for 'unexpected' visitors.

Maria was also different to Dad.

My Dad wore rough clothes, that Maria said were manly, but they seemed to make him look like a wannabe farmer. He would wear ordinary jeans and a t-shirt that was dirty more often than not.
I think that was it's a desired affect though.
But when I asked Maria, or Sam, they say that it's my overly active mind that comes up with this stuff.
Wich, does tend to be true.
Dad has a soft face, with a curly beard and shortish hair, that was the same colour as mine. And he had kind brown eyes that always seemed to smile.

But, all were oh so different, to I.

While all of them, had a persistent look going for them, I chose stuff at random.

Sometimes I would dress like a sweet little girl, and sometimes I would dress like a messy boy.
I never wore patterns with patterns though.
That was a basic rule of fashion, that was sacred, and never to be broken.

That day, I was wearing a short sleeved white t-shirt, under a pair of sunflower patterned overalls. While my wheat blonde hair was platted and tied with a yellow ribbon.
Except for one loose strand that hung down next to my brown eyes and bugged the hell out of me.

“She pisses me off so much!” Sam cried and stared angrily at the wall.
I smiled.
“It's because she always wanted boys,” I said.
“She wanted boys that are smart and and athletic and that would do what they're told.” I said shifting to a more comfortable position.
“Besides, the way she loves you, would be a bit much for me to handle.”

Sam looked at me, as though looking for a hidden meaning in my words.
Then he smiled, and his whole being seemed to glow.
“I love you lil' sis,” he said, swigging the cola.
“But you had better wait to get back at her until next weekend, Brian and Josie are coming up for a while. And he's not bringing his wife, she caught pneumonia and can't make it.”

After Brian got married, he moved away to Queensland, Cairns I think. He came down to vist every now and again, but it wasn't enough in my opinion.
Josie is Brians first born, she was 6 years old and incredibly adorable. She had pretty black hair and clear green eyes and was gonna be famous someday.
6 years old and already the voice of an angel.
But, Josie was also very sarcastic.

“That's great!” I laughed. “ Not the pneumonia part, I'm not that twisted!”
“Oh, I beg to differ, my sweet little sister. I think you realy are that twisted!” Sam luaghed.
And I laughed with him.
“Hey, are we going to watch a movie, or go and do something that will freak Maria out of here overly posessive mind?” I asked grabbing his arm.

“Sis', I think we both know the answer to that,” he said and drained the rest of the cola.

“To the Gum Window!” I cried leaping over my brother and made for the window.
But he beat me there by a hairs breadth.
He opened the window and bowed saying “Ladies first.”
I smiled and slapped his back, then jumped out the window, shouting, “Sexist pig.”
I grabbed ahold of the branch then hauled myself up and sat to watch Sam jump out after me.
Then we climbed down the trunk of the tree, and talked about what we should do next.

“What are we going to do?” I asked. “The horses are exercised, and I don't think that the Quad-bikes have any petrol left in them.”

Sam sighed and patted my shoulder. “Sis', I think we can afford to ride our bycicle's, don't you?”

“Firstly, yes. Secondly, don't say 'bycicle' it's weird when you say it in your weird craff.” I gestered vaguely at his clothes.
'Craff' was the cross I invented for 'stuff' and 'crap'.
Fairly useful for talking to parents and authourity
figures.
Sam luaghed and grabbed my hand. “Come on lets go!”
Then we ran off together to spend the rest of the day in relative peace.

Chapter three

Bad Mums And Good Stories

I loved the day I spent with Sam, I will never forget it.
I won't go into the specifics, that would take too long with my dreaming mind and wondering mouth.
But I can safely say, that we went swimming, and fishing, then had to get takeaway cause we didn't catch anything.
Then after we ate, we practicaly vandalised the bridge, and finished it all off with a race home.

Wich I won!

“I let you win!” Sam cried, locking his bike in next to mine. “Otherwise you would never have won.”
“Yep, you keep telling yourself that Sammi-boy, but you can't escape the truth.” I called over my shoulder. “Now, on a slightly more serious note, do you know what time it is?” I asked turning and facing him.
“It must just be around sixish,” Sam said shrugging. “But we have been gone for a long time, so it's pretty likley we're going to be in deep shit as soon as we walk through that door.”
“Ain't that the sorry truth?” I grinned.

Our garden was fairly pretty. we had lots of tree's and nice little flowers that i had planted randomly throughout the garden And there was a small pebble trail that led to the house from the little gate thet could easily be stepped over.
Our house was surounded by a metal fence that was a disgusting orange colour, like a squirrels up-chuck.

When we were inside, Maria wa sitting calmly at the kitchen table reading her book.
She barely looked up when we walked in, and I could hear the shower on upstairs.
“What's for dinner?” I asked cautiously, spotting the saucepan simmering on the stove. “It smells like spag bog.”
In my house, 'spag bog' is code for spaggetti bologneise.

“It's whatever you want it to be Lauren dear.” Maria said in a droning kind of way. “Your Father and I have already eaten, so help yourselves.”

I frowned thoughtfully.
Dad usualy waited for us to eat dinner, so that we can all eat to gether and feel like a family, or so that he can scold us to his hearts content.
And the fact that we ran off assured us that he would be waiting to give us a good talking to.
I gave sam a look and I could tell he was thinking the same as me.
We went over and peered into the strange mixture of spag bog.
Sam leaned over and sniffed the strange mixture.

“It doesn't smell poisoned.” He reported. “But maria isn't dumb enough to put detectable poisons in our food, is she?”

“Yeah, but some poisons can take hours to actualy take affect!” I whispered. “That could give her enough time to give you the antidote!”

“I have not poisoned your food children,” Maria said.

“Yeah, you would much rather drown us while we were swimming, huh Mum?” Sam said.

'Well, there goes our summer fun in the sun,' I thought grimly.

“Lauren,” Maria said, snapping to attention when she looked up and saw me. “I want you- no, we mant you to go to your room after supper, and you are not permitted to leave your room until your father and I come and speak to you.”

“What?! Why?!” We both screeched. Dad, had never, never, in the history of nevers, ever grounded any of his children!

“Why now, and why me?” I demanded. “ I want a good reason and I want it now!”

“Want, Want, want!” Maria snapped, closing her book and standing. “Is that all you know how to do? You are the most greedy, ungrateful child in all the universe! You want a cat, you want a dog, you want to know! Does it never end?”

Maria started to walk towards me, but I held my ground.

“You should just be happy that you are not in an orphanage right now!” Maria growled. “You are stupid and psychotic! You talk to the animals, like they understand what you say for heavens sake. It is disgusting the way you act towards other people, treating them like they don't deserve your manners and respect!”

“All I do is mess around with them!” I cried. “ It's how I make friends!”

“Friends? Friends?!” Maria cried. “What friends? You don't have any friends! Your a freaK! Why would you have friends?! All your do all day is sit around and expect us to understand what goes on in your little head! We aren't psychics Lauren, you need to talk to people, not animals, people!”

“She does!” Sam cried, stepping forward to face Maria's rage. “She talks to me!”

“That does not count! She needs to talk to her parents, not her brother!” Maria spat.

“You don't deserve her to even look down at you, let alone talk to you!”

“Don't speak to me that way, you little...” Maria yelled and she raised her hand up to slap him.

“Stop right there Maria!”
Dad was out of the shower, and was standing in the door way to the living room.

Maria's face went so pale, she almost blended with the white tiles of our kitchen.

Dad?
The shower was still on upstairs.
Who was in our shower?!

Then, my mind went wild.

Was it a theif? No, dad knew karate and and was a black belt even.
Wha-sha!
So, no theif would servive the door.
Unless it was a friend of Maria's who was in the shower, maybe she was in cohorts with the theif!
The romantic type of cohorts!

The bitch! She was cheating on Dad!
My dad!
But how will I prove it?

I know! All I need is candles, takeout, a bucket full of cow muck and a camera phone.
Then I can get to work at getting her back. For wich I'll need much the same thing except extra candles a lighter and some hairspray.
Ha ha ha! I'll show her alright!

Sam grabbed my hand, jerking me from my thoughts.

“Come on Lauren, let's give these two some space.” He said softly, leading me away from the yelling pair and up into the Retreat.

The Retreat was completely sound proof.
Apparently the last people to live here were musicians, so they found the need for a sound proof room.
Wich is now known as The Retreat.

“Sam, do you know who's in the shower?” I asked.

“I cannot believe Her!” Sam yelled, ignoreing my question. “ I mean, we knew all that already, well, not the greedy part, but we knew that she hated you!”

The sound proof walls worked both ways, so we were safe from them hearing us aswell.

“It's okay Sam,” I said sitting in a bean bag. “It makes no difference that she said it all. It's alright.”

“How can you take this so- so calmly?” He demanded. “ She just said that she hates you and you think that it's alright? Because it's not 'alright', it's about as far from 'alright' as humanly possible!”

Sam started to pace the room and he started to rant on about how this was terrible and that she was barely human and blahdy blahdy daar.
I looked at him and giggled softly.

“What are laughing about?” He asked, mid step.

“I'm just remembering when we were young.” I said, scratching my cheek. “ Do you remember when I fell out of that tree, and you said we should go to the hospital, but Maria said no?”

Sam frowned and shook his head. “ I don't remember that. What happened?”
He sounded calmer now.

“Well I fell out of a tree and I hurt my anchle realy bad. You had to carry me all the way home, on your back.” I said smiling. “ We must have only been 8 or 9.
“Anyway, when we got home, Dad was still at work and Maria was at home, watching some sappy TV show that she just had been dieing to watch all week.”
Sam came and sat down next to me, listening and trying to figure out wher this was going.

“Maria said that we shouldn't bother going to the doctors because i was obviously faking it. But you kept saying, - no screaming, 'If you don't take her, then I'll drive her there myself.' Maria said that if you wanted to then you could and you had her full permission.”

“What? How do you remember this stuff?” Sam asked. “ I don't remember any of this.”

“Oh shut up Sam, I'm trying to tell you the story, or don't you want to hear it?” I teased.

“No, no, please continue.” He gestered and then layed back on the bean bag.

“Well, then you said ' fine, I'm taking your wallet and phone, I'll call you when we get there.' Then you found her keys, her wallet and her phone then you went out and started her car and off we went.
Maria natrually didn't believe that you would drive and so she went back to watching her crappy show. 45 minutes later, you called and said you were at the Bega Hospital. Maria flipped out. I could hear her screaming from the phone and through a wall.
After that you called Dad, and he flipped out too. But not nearly, as much as Maria did.”

“What happened to you? What happened to me? Did Maria hit me with a mallet and I forgot the whole ordeal?” Sam asked curiously.

I laughed. ”Nope, it turned out that I had fractured my anchle and so the police came by and asked what had happened. Because you driving me from our house to the hospital alone, with me in the back seat with a broken foot, seemed a bit dodgey to all involved.”

“Did you think it was dodgey?” He asked, yawning.

“Absolutley not! I told all the nurses and doctors what I thought of the hospital smell, and how I didn't know you could drive so well. And that you let me steer for about ten minutes. Thats practicaly all I talked about for the whole 4 hours we were there!”
I laughed, but Sam didn't.
I looked down and saw that he had fallen fast asleep, and then I decided I was tired too.

“But the best part of my day was when you sang The Kookaburra song all the way back, to mask Dad and Maria's bickering.”

Then I yawned and layed back, not even bothering to go to my bed.

@*@*@

Chapter Four

Talking to strangers and Weird Places to Nap

The days after that were rather difficult for me. Maria and Dad weren't talking to each other, and they weren't talking to us, so the house was tense to say the least.

I did my best to heal the damage that had been done by trying to start conversations with the family.
It was futile.

The family seemed to be torn to shreds and I could do nothing to help the situation.
I seemed to damage it even more.
Possibly because I was at the core of the whole thing.

The day after the fight, I was out under the dead tree that I raced Litte too, and I was stareing up the sky, talking gibberish to Litte.

“I wish that grass could grow faster,” I said. “Then I could ride the lawn mower almost every day. and if grass grew faster then, trees would grow faster, then trees would grow faster as well, and if trees grew faster then there wouldn't be nearly so much carbondioxide in the air, cause the trees would suck it all in much much faster.” I sighed and looked down at Litte. “I wish grass grew faster.”

Litte looked up at me, and whined. I smiled sadly down at him. “I wish other people could hear what you say Litte. Then they wouldn't call you 'Lissette' because they would know that your a boy and don't like the name 'Lissette.”

Litte's full name was Lissette Ariana Torciell Mytchel. But we named him before we knew what gender he was and it was too late to name hime any thing else, because everyone knew him as Lissette
So, I just christened him Litte and the world kept spinning.
But there was those many annoying people that called him 'Lissette.'

Litte had been the family dog for a long, long time. He was a labrador/border collie cross, with a creamy coloured coat, and one floppy black ear.

I sighed. “You've been my friend for such a long time. And I want to return the favour, but I don't know how.”

Litte whined and sat his head on my leg.

“Thanks for the gesture Litte, But I will one day, whether you think I should or not.” I smiled, and my mind went back to Maria and Dads fight, and sighed again.

'Today must be the day for sighing.'

I jumped and looked around. No one was there.
“Where are you?” I asked loudly, my curiousity effectivley unsettled.

'I am no where that you can reach human.'

I turned my head to the side. Human?
“So your not human, I take it.” I inquired cautiously.

The something laughed. 'Not exactly, no.'

“Can you come out? Can I see You?” I asked.

It laughed again. 'No, I'm sorry but that would be impossible. please forgive me.'

“My name is Lauren, it's a pleasure to meet you Mr Voice.” I paused. “It is Mister isn't it? I mean, are you a king, or lord maybe? I mean, I'm not downselling you at all, am I?”

''I am called Ish Laksmono, It is nice to meet you Miss Lauren.'
I wasn't sure, but I thought he was smiling. 'I must now apologize, but I have to go now. I will talk to you again in the near future.'

“Alright, It was nice talking to you Mister Laksmono.”
Then he was gone.

I patted Litte on the head, rubbing him behind the ears.
“That was very strange.” I said to him. “But I don't have much to shout about do I?”

Litte didn't answer
He seemed to be deep in thought.
And I from experience knew how annoying it could be if you were about to figure out something realy big, but was then disturbed by someone wondering what you were thinknig about.
So, I left him and his thoughts alone.
I would just ask him later.

A kookaburra, suddenly flew out and landed on a branch above my head and I smiled.
Kookuburras were my favourite bird. I always loved to hear them sing and laugh at the same time.
It was so uplifting.

“Kookuburra sits in the old gum tree,
merry merry king of the bush is he,
laugh, kookuburra laugh,
kookuburra how gay your life must be.”

I sang it softly there, under the tree, and remembered back to when I was happy, and the family wasn't torn apart.
'Please let this heal over soon.' I thought to no particular godly figure.
Then, I kinda fell asleep there under the tree and I had an unsetling dream about being chased by the farm cows into the Retreat.
*@*

When they finaly figured out where I was, it was well past sunset, and there was an eerie fog around me.
Litte had apparently gone and stood whining at the door for a good hour and a half before Dad figured out I was missing.
I ate dinner fast and left before Maria, Dad or Sam had a chance to drag me into the fight about neglecting me.

Up in my room it was quieter. I could only just hear them arguing downstairs.
My room has a homey feel about it. I had an ordinary queen sized bed with a big blanket over it that was a warm red and was embroidered with a shiny green vine and leaves.
The carpet was covered by a big rug that I had bought with the christmas money from both my grandmother.
All over my bedroom walls was old classic paintings, like Van Gohs Sunflowers, and an embroidered version of the
Mona Lisa.
Then over by window was a big dinner table, I'd scrounjed out of an abandoned shed in a neighbouring field. It had a lot of jewlery boxes and shoe boxes, piled up underneath it and the same went for under my bed.
I realy like boxes. I like the way they hide all those bits and pieces and store them all on neat little stacks, just waiting to be opend and the unseen treasure finaly released
again.
Sam sais that I'm the reincarnation of Pandora, and if anyone was realy stupid enough to give me a box with all the worlds problems in it, they would barely have finished warning me not to open it and I would have it open, wondering what was going on when the plague flew past my
ear.
I think that he's right.
I huddled into a ball ontop of my blankets and just closed my eyes.
“Two days from now, our brother will be hear and it will heal.” I whispered. “Every thing will just, heal. And peace will come about again.”
I sighed and layed back on my back.
Litte came in and jumped up besides me, lying his head down on my stomach.
And we sighed together.
“This is bullshit,” I told him. “ They are all such idiots. Sam included. I wish Brian would get here already, then we could get back to being family. Because that's what we are.” I said decisivly. “We are a family, no matter what happens to come between us. So, this will pass, and we'll be happy.” I nodded to reasure myself.
Litte sighed, and closed his eyes.
'That's agood idea,' I thought. 'I should sleep aswel.'

Chapter 5

B.E.A.P and Brothers

I woke up the next morning with the blankets all torn off my bed, and haning out of the window that was above the table.
I was a kung-fu sleeper.
Only Litte seemed to not mind that I would wake up on the table with my bed made when I remembered that I got under the blankets.
I could realy surprise myself sometimes.
Sam said he couldn't wait until I could get drunk. Then we could see what I could get up to then.

I shuddered at the thought.

I could smell something cooking downstairs and what sounded like a donkey giving birth to a hippo.

My Dad was, apparently, up, cooking and singing.
I grinned and leapt out of bed.
To find myself dreesed in last years halloween costume.

“What the hell am I wearing?!” I exclaimed, looking down at my self. “What the hell did I get up to last night.”
I vaguely thought about putting a camera in my room to watch what I do at night.
I think it would be entertaining.

I changed out of the halloween costume and put on a
t-shirt that was for a boy that read: I LOVE CHICKS THAT HUG TREES.

Then I raced out of my room and down the stairs, closely followed by Litte, down, and into the kitchen.

Dad was standing over the stove, supposedely singing Umberella by Rihanna.
But it didn't sound like it at all.
I could only tell it was, because he had the CD on aswell, and I could see the CD case next to the CD player.

“Good morning Dad!” I shouted, leaping onto the bench.
Dad finished the last note, and I aplauded him.

“Fantasimo! Brilliantae! Encore, encore!”

He bowed with the frying pan and tongs. “Thankyou, thankyou!” He cried. “Thankyou, you don't know how much this mean to me!” He wiped away a fake tear, and we laughed together.

“G'mornin'” Sam said coming in, rubbing his eyes.
Sam looked terrible. His eye makeup was smudged all around his eyes, so that he looked like a racoon. And his hair was even more psychotic than usual, and his blue silk pyjamas, were rumpled and hanging over his shoulder.

“Woah Sam,” I said. “You look like you spent a night on the piss!”
Sam Scowled at me.
Dad burst out laughing.
To say that Sam was not a morning person, would be a massive understatement.
Kinda like saying a nuclear bomb is as powerful as a kid with a manifying glass.
Sam turned his attention to Dad. “So whazz for 'reakfa-aaaaast.” He yawned yet again on the last word.
“It's B.E.A.P!” Dad and I cried together, throwing our arms in the air.
'B.E.A.P' stood for 'Bacon Eggs And Pancakes' and was a traditional breakfast in the Mytchel house hold.
Here's a bit of a background on B.E.A.P:

It started when my great grandfather who made it for my grandmothers birthday breakfast, who loved it so, so much that she had it every birthday thereafter.
So from there it evolved into christmas breakfast when Dad was a kid, and then it became the 'special occasion breakfast', or, S.O.B. wich doesn't sound too good.
So it was probabley gonna evolve into Sunday breakfast when I had kids.
If I ever had kids.
I sorta liked the idea of being a mum.

“Why are we having S.O.B? Or have you finaly gone crazy?” Sam asked.

“Well if you must know, Brians comin' home early!!” Dad bellowed happily.

“Seriously!?” We cried.
“That's fantastic news Dad!” I laughed. I seriously thought we'd have to stay broken for another day.
“Yeah, that's great news!” Sam said grinning. “Means I get to tackle him a day early.” He chuckled evily.
Sam already sounded happier. And a lot less tired.
I smiled.
'This is going to be spaz-tastic.' I thought.

@*@

“So what adventures did you have last night?” Sam asked, leaning back over his chair.
We had all finished breakfast, except Maria was no where to be seen. Or heard.
I was vaguely worried for her. but only vaguely

“Well, last night, I apparently got up, hung my blankets out the window and then got dressed into last years halloween costume.” I said, sipping my morning coffee.

“Wasn't last year Cleopatra?” Dad asked from the sink.

“No, that was the year before,” Sam said. “Last year, I believe, was Mary Poppins.”

“You woke up in a Mary Poppins outfit?” Dad asked. “You know, we realy should put a camera in your room to see what you get up to in the night.”

“I know, we realy should.” Sam agreed.
“Well if your gonna do it, don't tell me.” I laughed. “Who knows what I would do if I knew there was a camera in the room.”

“I shudder at the thought.” Sam grimaced.

“Yeah, it might not be too wise.” Dad said, grimacing aswell.
“Alright you two,” Dad said, calling us to attention. “I have configured your chores for the day.”
I gave Sam a look that said 'Brilliant'.
Rather sarcastically for a look.

“Sami, (My Dads pet name for Sam, though I use it too) You'll be cleaning the bathroom until I think that it's clean. After that, you need to fix the fence in the South Paddock, the one furthest from the house. One of the cows had a freak out and knocked it down yesterday. And make sure to fill the quads with petrol, I don't want you running out on your way back.” He turned to me. “You need to feed the pigs, chicken and horses. Then put the horses in the Three Post Paddock, and clean out the stables. I want it spotless. Make sure that all the animals have enough water to last them throught the day. Actualy, give them more. It's gonna be a scorcha' today. The radio said it was gonna be 34 today.”
I grinned. Today wasn't my day to clean and do repair jobs. I hated those jobs.

Then again, so did Dad, Maria and Sam.
I frowned.
There was still no sign of Maria today.

How strange.

But I would find her later.
I needed to work now.

“But neither of you are allowed to leave the house and get to those jobs, until your rooms are clean. Now go and hurry up about it.”

I sighed.
'He would know my room was trashed from last nights rampage.' I thought, running up the stairs to clean the junyard that was my room.
@*@

The day past without many hitches. Except the fact that I couldn't find a sock.
Wich realy put me out of sorts, 'cause I realy liked socks.
“Where is it?” I shouted, digging around under my bed. “This is insane! How do you lose a sock that I just put down!?”
Then a thought, a nasty, tricksy little thought nestled into my mind.
'Did someone steel my sock?'
I tried to ignore it, but Thoughts never went away once they were in my mind.
The only way to get them out, was to talk it all the way throught to it's end, or to right it down on paper.

I prefered to talk it through.
Writing it down, put the thought all the way out of my head.

Like the paper was a prison for daydreams.

The Thought started to make my neck itch.

I frowned and buried it deeper into my mind. I couldn't talk about the Thought, because I was scared it might lead to Maria, and someone would hear me and the fighting would start up again.
And I couldn't, just couldn't, force myself to enprison it on paper.

“Hey! Are you just gonna sit there and miss out on all your chores?” Sam cried, as he walked past my door.” Because, if you wanna swap and clean the entire farm, then feel free to do it.”

“I'm not gonna clean for you Sam!” I snapped. “So just go away!”

Sam took a step back, and he looked realy surprised.
I was usualy so nice and sweet, that when I would finaly crack and screamed at peolple, they would be incredibly surprised.

“Whoa,” he said stepping forward and rubbing his neck. “That was both scary and surprising.”

Told you.

“Whats the matter?” He asked, coming in to my room. “Did something happen?”

For a second I tried to decide whether to tell him to piss off or not.
I decided not.
A problem shared is a problem halved. Or solved, either way.

I sighed and sat on my bed. “I've lost a sock. Ya' know, those blue one that Maria got me when she was 'Mum'.”

He frowned. “It's not like you to get all pissey over losing a sock. What's realy the matter?” Sam asked, sitting beside me on the bed.
“Well, then I started to think that maybe somebody stole my sock, and I don't like that thought.”

Sam nodded sympetheticaly.
This had happened a couple of times before. And Sam knew that it realy upset me when I didn't like the Thoughts that came into my mind.

“Well, you could tell me.” He suggested.
I shook my head. “Nuh uh. I don't like where it might turn out. And I refuse to enprison it on paper!” I said before he could suggest it.

Sam nodded again, this time grimly.
“Well, why don't you try to think it through?” He asked after a moments thought. “Then, we're all winners!”

I opened my mouth to object, then snapped it closed again.
It was acutaly quite a good idea.

I sighed, as though it was a last resort.
“Alright, but you need to leave!” I said. “Who knows what might get out!”
Sam grinned and left, humming a song only he knew.

Then, I closed my eyes, and went into Thorts.
'Thorts' was a meadow, that grew many types of field flowers, like allium, daffodils, amaryllis carnation and morning glory.
Throughout the meadow was puddles of memory, and always growing beside them was a small tree, that dripped into the puddles. When the droplets hit the water, an image would apear, and the image would be of the little thing that i see, or things that have crossed my mind.

In 'Thorts' I always wore a blur dress, like the one that I imagined the Lady of the Lake must have worn, my feet were bare and my hair was up in a neat braided bun.
I vagurly wondered around, stopping to look in at a pool, every now and then, to inspect the past.

I was always fond of the past.
But i was in love with the future.

Nothing brought on more excitement than wondering what was coming around the corner for tomorrow.
And wondering what would happen, who would I meet, and if I would live or die.

Slowly, I walked over to a small pool, that was frozen, mid drop.
I knelt down and dipped my hands into the pool.

“Dezhi mo rli tesh.” I whispered, in the language that I had made up when I was young.
So what I said was 'Awaken the Dreams'.

Basicaly it was the spell I used when I was in 'Thorts' and needed to revisit a thought.
Nothing happened, and I frowned.

'Why didn't that work?' I thought, and I heard the echo that remenated from a pool some feet away. 'It should have worked. Maybe I said the wrong thing. I need a knew spell to unblock this thought. But what?'
I considered all the words and frases that could help me, and chose the best one.
Once again, I shoved my hands in the water. “Tiery mozh tesidara.” I said.
Thoughts run free.

For a moment, nothing happened then, the drop fell.
I smiled when I caught my reflection in the small droplet, and grinned when it hit the frozen pool, and shattered through the ice.

“So, my sock was missing.” I said. “Or maybe it was stolen. But by who?
Hmm. Maybe it was stolen by a goblin! No, why would a goblin steal a single sock? And I have taken precaution against goblin invasion.”
It was true. I had various wards around my room and the Retreat, so no little faeries would be able to make their way in and eat my eyeballs on toast.
Believe me, it was a very comforting feeling.

“You know, I haven't seen Maria around lately, maybe she stole my sock.” I said, looking up at the sky.
'This is exactly where I didn't want to end up.' I thought, and it echoed around Thorts.

“It would make sense, after all, the family has been fighting, and it's all because of me. It would make perfect sense if she wanted to get back at the family by stealing my sock. I wonder if Sam and Dad blame me for all the bickering? Maybe they hate me because of it! What else has happened that could have caused this?” Then, every thing went black as I thought the thoughts that were dangerous to think.

My memories were reflected into all the pools, as I remembered the times when Sam and I fought, or I was in trouble, and all the times that I had thought the most horrible things of my family.
Then, the pool turned to black, and I ripped my hands out of the pool, and then I was out of Thorts and lying on my floor, heaving and sweating.

Sam was by my side, looking down at me with concern in his eyes.
“What the hell happened?!” He cried. “I was standing outside the door and then I hear you scream, and then a thud, I come in and your lying on the floor, muttering like a psycho! What were you doing, that would... woah!”
I jumped up and flung my arms out around his neck.

“Do you hate me Sam?” I whispered in his ear. “Do you think you would be happier if I had never exsisted?”

For a second, Sam said and did nothing, I think he was thinking of what to say.
Then, slowly, his arms reached up and hugged me back.
“Lauren, don't even consider thinking that thought.” He whispered. “I will never hate you. And, you should never think that I would. I don't hate you Lauren. It's the complete opposite, as a matter of fact.”
I smiled.

“Thankyou.” I said, Breaking the intamite moment. “I'm sorry that I thought that. But, it was my socks that brought me there.”

Sam smiled back. “Geeze Sis', no wonder you didn't want to go through that! Bloody hell! Next time, trap it in the paper!” He laughed, and I laughed with him.
“Come on Sam,” I said standing up. “Let's go and eat some icecream!”
“Oi! You can't have any before I do little sister!” Sam cried, as I took off down the stairs. “It beats the system!”

“Screw the system!” I cried. “Theres icecream on the line here!”

But as we found out moments later, Dad had finished all the icecream, which caused an almighty uproar.

Chapter Six

Striking Cows and Making up

“Hey Dad! Dad, where's the pig slop?!” I shouted.
I was in the with the animal.
Well, not exactly. I was in the human part of where the animals lived.
The part that wasn't coverd in animal muck and mud and hay.
In my opinion, the better place to be.

Jasper yawned from where he was sitting up on the saddle rack. He was watching me with tired eyes, wich closed constantly. And his head nodded as he slowly crept into the world of sleep.
In my opinion, the better place to be.

“Dad! Answer me!!!” I bellowed from the gate. “It's not in here!!”

I waited for an answer, but none came.

Not surprising, considering that the animals barn was some fifty metres from the actual house.
“That man is insufferable!” I cried, turning in to the dark stables. “Sorry piglets, but I don't think that lunch is coming any time soon.” I said, apologeticaly to the pigs that were waiting by the fence that seperated the men from the animals.
Literally.

The pigs snorted indignantly and trotted off to the outside half of the pig-pen.

“I said I was sorry!” I cried after them, but they didn't seem to hear, or they were just ignoring me.

“I'll be back as soon as I find your slop, alright!” I sighed.

Pigs were such proud creatures.
Too proud for animals that smelly.

But who am I to judge?

Then quite randomly, Sam came running in, and he looked like he'd ran from Candelo to the barn.

“Hey, what's the matter?” I cried. “Where did you come from?”
then Sam collapsed on the ground, heaving and sweating more than he should have been.
“Sam, whats the matter? What's happened?”

Sam, just layed there, breathing, and looking up at me, like he wanted me to know something important, but couldn't.
At last, he caught his breath, enough to tell me what was going on.
“The cows... are acting... weird.” He managed to get out. “I was on... the quad... and one of them... rammed me. Tell Dad... he'll want... to know.”
“It's okay Sam,” I said clasping his hands. “I'll pass your last words onto Dad, so don't worry about a thing!”

Then I leaped up and ran to the house, as fast I could. And I vaguely heard Sam yelling out, “I'm not gonna' die, so don't tell me I am!”

If it weren't so serious, I would have laughed.

But the cows ramming into the quad was serious.
Knowing Sam, he would have been flooring it, speed demon that he is.
So if the cows had managed to knock Sam off it, and did enough damage that he would be forced to run all the way back and tell me about it...

I shivered. But I didn't know why.

Little did I know, that this adventure, would inspire something much bigger, than I could have ever imagined.

Which is quite big, considering I'm a chronic-daydreamer.

“Dad! Dad!” I shouted when I cleared the front door. “Dad! The cows are Revolting against us!”

I ran into the kitchen and stopped so suddenly that I fell forward and hit my face on the very unclean floor.

“Ow! That hurt so-sooo much!” I sat on my knees and rubbed my nose. But froze when I looked up and locked eyes with Maria, who was looking at me with an icy glare.

“What do you think your doing Lauren?” she asked. “Why have you intruded the peace of my lovely home?”

I couldn't look away from her.
It felt as though she was hypnotising me or something.
'No! I need to find Dad! He's the only one who save me and Sam and save the Cows Nest from cows bent on anarchy!'

“Where's Dad?” I asked standing up and tearing my eyes from hers. “I need to tell him something!”

“Lauren, answer my question. It's rude to speak over some one else while there talking.”
“I didn't, there's an emergency, and where is Dad, he's our last hope!”

“What's all the commotion about?” thankfully, Dad came in at that exact moment, carrying what looked like a bundle of blankets.

“Dad!” I cried quickly before Maria could say anything. “Sam was going out in his quad and then a cow rammed into him!
So then, he-he ran all the way back! And he was so tired that his last words were
'The cows are acting weird. I was on the quad and one of them rammed me. Tell Dad he'll want to know.'
Then, he said something about me not telling you he's dead, because he's not.”

Dad looked down at me, chewing the situation over in his head.
I looked around to Maria, half expecting her to interveen with something to do with me being an imature little girl, but to my not so eternal surprise she was staring out the window towards the barn, and she looked realy worried.
For a second, I forgot everything and felt like comforting her.
Then that past, and I felt the same.

“Alright, come on.” Dad said. “Better go check it out if the cows have gone psychotic.”

“Micheal, dear,” Maria said snapping out of whatever had held her captive. “Realy, must we go all the way to the barn? I can tell you here and now, that Lauren is just a child with an overactive imagination. There realy is no reason for you to trouble yourself.”

“Do be quiet Maria.” Dad yawned. “I'm going to do this, so don't bother trying to stop me.”
Maria paled then.
As though she saw an avalanche speading towards her.

'Whats the matter with her?' I thought. 'This can't be such a big deal for her. So what's going on. Maybe I'm missing some huge detail. I want to know whats going on in that head of hers!'

Sometimes, I would want to know what someone was thinking so much, that I would start to go insane.
Once I had a mental break down at school, because a teacher would frown, whenever she looked at me. I Wanted to know whyso much, I threw tables and chairs around the room. then went and had sook in the girls bathroom.
It turned out, that I reminded her of her brother, and he was in prison for fruad and indentidy theft.
She probably thought I didn't know what that meant.
But I went and looked it up on the internet later.

As she followed Dad out the door, and towards the barn, I stared at the back of her head, barely able to stop myself from tearing the hair out of her head, to try and find what she was thinking.
I bit down on my lip and chewed on it.

'This is exruciating!' I thought. 'If only Thorts could see into other peoples heads!'

Dad paused infront of the barn door, and swayed slightly on the spot. Then he turned back at us and frowned slightly.
“What are we doing here again?” He asked.

“Nothing dear,” Maria said quickly and looking slightly relieved. “We were just about to...”

“No we weren't!” I cried over the top of her. “You were going to check on Sam because I told you the cows were going on strike! So don't believe anything she has to say, because whatever it is, it's a lie!”

“Oh, that's right!” He said. “Sorry Lauren, I forgot for a second there!”
Then he puffed himself up, and marched through the door.

Instincitively, I looked at the pigs, to see if they had forgiven me yet. But to my surprise, the chowing down on their slop, with Sam leaning over them.

“Sam?” I cried. “I brought Dad, just like you told me to! Now tell him, and Maria what happened!”

For a second, Sam just looked at me.
“What are you talking about?” He asked, and I fisically, felt my soul shatter, into a million pieces.

“What?” I asked once I was over my shock. “Sam, this isn't funny. Don't joke around like this.”

“Lauren, I'm not joking.” He said looking at me like I was about to pull a fake spider from behind my back. “Why? Did I do something? Whats happened?”

Maria jumped in at the chance to prove that I was just a little kid that shouldn't be taken seriously. “Now do you see micheal? Lauren is just a child that shouldn't be taken seriously.” she said, Jasper looked up at us, and yawned. He seemed much more sleepy now.

“Lauren, is that true?” he looked at me. Everyone looked at me. I was feeling oddly exposed then, like they could see right through me into my soul. “Is this just a childish trick?”

“No!” I cried. “No, I didn't! Sam, come on! The cows rammed into you while you were going to fix the fence! Tell them the truth!”

Sam shook his head sadly. “There's nothing to tell. I came back because I forgot the nails. When I was coming back, the quad ran out of fuel, so I had to walk back. I pushed the quad up and past the cows. One of them went psycho and tried to kill me. I dodged it, but the quad got totaled. Then I ran all the way back.” He said, like a historian talking to a bored class.

Dad looked down at me angrily. “Don't interupt us for your pranks Lauren.” He growled.

“But I- I didn't! I wouldn't!” I cried. “Don't tell me that you...”
Then,; I cought the satisfied look on Maria's face, and the tears rushed up, and I ran from the barn.
I ran into the house and up into the Retreat, slammed the door closed and then locked it.
Litte was lying in a bean bag, and had apparently been sleeping while all the commotion was going on.
I sat down with my back to the door and cryed.
Sometime later, sam tried to come into the Retreat, but when I didn't answer, he gave up and went into his own room.
Litte came and sat next to me after that.
He didn't say anything. He just sat next to me, and waited.
After what felt like hours, I looked up at Litte, and smiled weakly.
“Thankyou.” I said softly. “Animals are much kinder than humans are.”
Litte, licked my face.
I gigled and pushed him away.
“Now that kind of behaviour is uncalled for.” I laughed. “But thankyou. It's comforting nowing that your here for me.”
I smiled again, but putting more joy into it than last time.

Litte looked at me side ways.

“I'm starting to get hungry.” Said, purposely ignoring the question in his eyes. “Maybe we should go down and get some icecream?”
I stood up, unlocked and opened the door, just as Sam came bolting out of his room, and almost slammed into me.
But he dodged me and sent him self flying across the landing.

“Ow.” he groaned. “You make a great speed bump Sis'”

I didn't try to help him up or try to apologize.
I was still angry at him, and my grudges could carry on for years.
I still have a grudge against Pauline Carry. She stole an Elmo pen from me in second grade.
I loved elmo when I was young.
Actualy, I still do.

“Your still angry at me aren't you?” Sam said dusting himself down. “But please forgive me!” he cried. “I don't want you to hate me for the rest of our lives. Can't you think back to when we played together, and had fun, and ou didn't give death glares when I was begging?!”

“Sorry Samson,” I said, abandoning his nicname. “But I can't remember past when you tricked me into getting in trouble with Dad, and made me feel like a complete idiot for ever trusting you.” I growled.

Sam looked realy hurt. Like he was going to cry.
“Well, anyway.” He said, standing up. “I was just gonna tell you, that Brians ute was coming down the drive way. I just thought that you would want to know.”
Then he hung his head, and went down stairs, leaving me completley shocked at my own stupidity.

Brian was here. He was coming to fix the family, and I had forgoten.
How stupid could I possibly be? I thought. IO can't believe I was so caught up in my own petty quarrel with the family that I forgot that I needed to fix it.

“Man,” I cried, taking off down the stairs. “I can't believe how stupid I can get! Hey Sam! Wait up would you!?”

Sam froze at the foot of the stairs. A bad decision.
When, I go down the stairs, I usually go all out. So naturally, I crashed into him, and we both went flying.

Litte came and stood at the top of the stairs and looked down at us with a content look on his face.
“Sam!” I yelled. “Are you okay? What happened to you? Are you hurt do you need an ambulance? How about a sandwiche? Would you like a sandwiche? Or maybe a good cup of tea? Would you like a cup of tea?
Oh no, I forgot you don't like tea! Why don't you like tea? You need to like tea for these exact circamstances!
There!
Now it's decided! After We go tackle Brian, we can all have a cup of tea. And If you don't like it I'm going to force it down your throat with a funnel.
Yeah, a rusty funnel! Do you think thet have rusty funnels?
They should. They should make rusty funnels, so that I can threaten you with them.
I'm sure loads of Brothers and sisters would love to buy a rusty tool.” I paused and gulped in air.
For that entire little speech I hadn't taken in a breath of air. “But if you think about it, that would be a useless investment, because we could just make our own rusty tools.
“Thats a nice word 'rusty'. Its flowing, but sharp.
If you understand what I'm saying, that is. Do you?”

During my time of talking, I had managed to get u0p off of Sam and we were nealing infront of each other.
I looked at him expectantly, waiting for his answer.

Sam frowned and looked at me like I was crazy, which was basically true.
Then he sighed. “Sis', I never know what the hell your talking about. So don't expect me too.” Then, neither of us talked. We just sat and looked at each other.
Then, the Ute honked loudly and we both looked out to where the noise had come from.

“Race you to the tackle?” I grinned, knowing he knew what I meant.
Sam knew I was sorry, there was no reason for me to explain myself. And there was no reason for him to either.
What ever had happened thhat day was the past. I was still upset about it. But a small trick shouldn't be enough to make me hate Sam.

And now, just thinking about hating him, sends shivers down my spine.

Sam grinned back, and we both took off, through the kitchen and out the door, just as Brian stepped out of the Ute.

Chapter Seven

Jodie Konnar and Over voices

At first I thought I had the race in the bag, but Sam Pulled infront of me, just as I leaped off the ground.

Brian, Sam and I went flying.

We landed roughly, and I'm sure I heard something crack,
I was ontop of Sam, and Sam was on top of Brian, who was aparently telling us to get off of him through the fit of laughs he was aparently going through.
Then, a tricksy thought came into my mind, and I started to tickle him any where I could see. Then Sam caught on, and he started to tickle him aswell.

“Get off!” Brian laughed. “Get off before I kick both your asses!” We backed off imediatly, rolling away from him on the ground.
Brian was a black belt in karate or something, and he would use it against us if he was provoked.
Like how we were provoking him.

“Wow, rolling around in the dirt like idiots. Sorry I can't join you. Some of us have pride.”
Jodie was standing next to the ute, looking down at us like a squashed cokoroach on the floor.

I grinned up at her. “It's good to see you too Jodes.” Jodie smiled a creepy smile, much too creepy for some one her age.
“Aunty Lauren,” she said, still with the creepy smile. “Well, this will be interesting. Very interesting indeed.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sam look like he was trying to mathermaticaly figure out the universe, and Brian was grinning like an idiot.

This was going to be an interesting.
There was no doubt about that. But the way Jose said it, made me somewhat nervous about the plan I was forming.

Not that there was a plan exactly.
But it would have been good if I had.

Not that it would have helped with anything.
The whole Christmas holiday would be so completely screwed over by Jasper and his psychotic army, that any plan would be totally unthinkable to succeed.

“Brian darling!” Maria cried, coiming out of the house. “It's so good to see you! Uh- why are you on the ground?” She asked, but didn't wait for an answer. “Jodie!” she squeeled, spotting my neice, and her grandaughter.

“Hello, Grandmother.” Jodie said somewhat formaly. “It is a pleasure to see you again.” She didn't sound like she was happy to see Maria.
Quite the opposite realy. But if Maria noticed, she didn't show it.
But honestly, I think she might have been too busy telling Jodie how big she had gotten, and how cute she was in her dress.

But truthfully she was adorable.

She was wearing a red dress, with a teddy bear back pack, and her raven black hair was up in two pigtails, tied with red ribbons.
Her shoes were brand new, and looked fairly expensive.

“Hey ho, Brian!” Dad cried, coming out of the house, wiping what looked like oil from his hands.

'What was he doing that required oil' I wondered vaguely. But I was too excited with Brian there to realy think it through.

Probabley would have saved me some trouble if I had.

“Hey Old Man!” Brian laughed, clasping Dad's outstretched hand. “Not dead yet I see.”

“Ah, it would take a lot to kill a stubborn old geezer like me.” He grinned. “And I'd hate to think how you lot would get along without me around.”

“A might bit better than we gat along now, I'd gamble.”
Both men laughed heartily.

Dad and Brian looked very different.
Brian had black hair, that was short, except for the rat tail that went down just past his hip.
Brian eyes were a deep blue, almost purple. And he would sometimes stare off into space, and he would only snap out of it if you said his name.
He was also, very strangely, wearing a long sleeved white T-shirt, and a blue woolen vest.

“What the Buck-ajo are you wearing?” I cried, looking at the vest. “You realize it's like, fifty degrees out, don't you?”

Brian grinned down me, because I still hadn't gotten up off the ground. “You realize that it's like, a hundred degrees up in Queensland, don't you?” He said.

“Hey! That's no fair you can't twist my words for your own purposes!” I cried. “Thats gotta' be copyright or something!”

“Are you crazy?” Brian asked. “Thats not copyright. To copyright it you have to go through a lot of laws, meetings, court sessions and pay a lot of money! Beside,” he added. z” I didn't say what you said, I added Qeensland in there somewhere. And besides, even if I did copy you, it wouldn't matter, because I am older than you and there fore, am more important than you.” He straightened his vest and looked important.

“That is... (I tried to think how to propally say it.) That's ageism!” I cried. “You can't just take MY ideas, just because you've been on this earth longer than me!”

“Well, I just did didn't I?” Brian said smugly. “So quit complaining about it, because you whining like that, 'aint gonna' help, your situaton.” I chewed on my lip, as I tried to think of something to say, that would get him back, and that wouldn't sound like word mush when I actually said it.
But Sam beat me to the mark.

“Just leave her alone Brian.” He said. “Or are into putting girls down now?”
That was probably the worst thing, anyone, or any thing, could have ever said to Brian.
Brian worked for women rights, or something. So, if any one said anything, about him being nasty to a female of any shape and size, and/or species, he went off his nut.

And then was no different to any other time.
I could practically see Brian, planning how to kill Sam as slowly as possible.

“Quick, run Sam!” I cired. “He's gonna kill you!” Then, just like it was in
slow-mo', Sam turned around, and started running for the barn. But Brian was half a step behind him.

“I'm gonna kill you, you little slug of socsiety!”Brian yelled, following Sam into the barn.

“We're never going to him again, are we?” Jodie asked. “Oh well, they were idiots anyway. Can I have something to eat Aunty Lauren?”

I smiled at Jodie as I picked myself up off the ground. “Ofcourse.” I said, dusting myself down. “A growing girl needs something to eat. Are you allergic to anything?” I asked.

“I'm allergic to nuts and chocolate.” She said. “But there only mild allergies, so I can touch them, but not eat them.”
“Wait, wait, wait. hold every thing!” I said raising my hands, so everyone knew that I meant 'stop'. “You are, allergic, to nuts. Thats okay, I can understand that. But, you are allergic to chocolate? For how long?”

“Since I was born, Aunty Lauren. Is that realy such a big deal?” She asked. “Lots of people are allergic to chocolate. Aunty Lauren, are you alright?”

I was, actualy feeling quite faint then. I had never imagined that someone, related to me, could be allergic, to chocolate. Well, honestly, I never thought that anyone could be allergic to chocolate. “Oh well, nobodys perfect.” I heard myself say. “Let's go have some custard.” Then we went inside and ate custard, and talked about the effects that modern technology was having on the deserts of today.
@*@

“I'm gonna go find my Dad, and get him to unpack my stuff.” Jodie said, disapearing thorugh the kitchen door. “I'll see you later Aunty Luaren!”
I smiled and waved after her, unable to speak through my mouthfull of custard.

'Man, that girl is almost as insane as I am.' I thought.
It was true too.
We had spent the last hour, talking about craff that no one else would bother thinking about.
Like who invented scrambled eggs, and who made the end credits of a movie, and why didn't they get any credit for it!
It was going to be a great weekend.

'You seem much happier than when we last spoke.'

I jumped and looked around. But no one was there. And then I remembered the mysterious guy that wasn't human.

“Hello again Mr Laksmono. How are you?”

'I'm fine, thankyou very much for asking me that. And may I ask you how you are this fine day?'

“I am quite well, thankyou so much for asking.”

'Now, if you excuse me, I have an important matter to discuss with you.'

“Fire away then.”

'Has anything strange happened to you since last we spoke? Even if it is a tiny little misshap, I would like you to tell me.'

“Well I did lose a sock, and Sam did do a nasty trick.” I said thinking back. “But not much else I don't think.”

'What kind of trick was it?' Mr Laksmono asked.

“We figured it out in the end.” I said frowning. Why did he want to know that? “He just told me that the cows were revolting against us. So I went and got Dad and Maria, but it turned out he was lieing.”

'And that I suppose is not like him to do?'

“You got that right! It was completely off character for him!” I said. “Why? Do you know why he did that to me?”

'I might have some sort of idea, but it is too soon to let you know.' he said, somewhat quickly.

“Oh come on, that is so unfair!” I cried. “Come on! I can keep a secret, realy well! I promise that I won't tell a soul!”

'Ha ha!' Mr Laksmono laughed, And I thought he had a very nice laugh. It was heart felt, and I could tell that he only laughed when he was truly happy. 'I'm sorry, but I'm afraid the secret must be kept from you.'

“What? Say again?” I cried, almost choking on a spoonful of custard. Well I suppose it was less of choking, and more of drowning, because you can't choke on liquid. As thick as custard is.

'Goodbye Lauren Mytchel.'

“Hey wait! I want to kow what you were talking about! Hey! I'm yelling at you!” But it was too late, for both of us.

“Lauren, stop yelling at yourself!” Maria cried walking into the kitchen, carrying a basket of washing. “I can't hear myself think with you shouting at the ceiling like that!”

“Maybe we should call the asylum?” brian laughed coming in, carrying a second basket, full of what looked like socks, but something seemed to be moving just under the first layer of socks. “Oh come on Mum, she's just playing around to annoy you! Don't fall for it!”

“I am not!” I cried, shocked that he would joke about me doing something to make another angry. ”There was realy this weird guy, that said his name was Ish Laksmono, and he wanted to kow about anything weird that has been going on around the house, so I was telling him about the trick Sam played, and then, he said that he had a sort of idea as to why sam would do that, but he wouldn't tell me, beacause, he said it was a secret that was suppoesed to be kept from me!” I heaved in a breath of air, signaling that I was done with my little 'rant session.'

“Did you say 'Ish Laksmono'?” Mria asked, her face was suddenly pale.

“Yeah, I did. Why?” I asked, she looked like she was just about to faint. “Maybe you should sit down?” I suggested, just as she dropped the basket and fell back.
“Maria!” I yelled, trying to leap forward to catch her. Thankfully, Brian beat me to the mark. He had dropped his basket and was there, ready to save her if she did faint. And it was lucky that he was.
If she had fallen, her head would have hit the wall, and probably would have given her a concussion.

“Lauren, go get the smelling salts.” Brian instructed, Picking up Maria with practicaly no effort, and carried her to the lounge room. “And hurry.”

“Right!” I said, already going through the kitchen draws.

Why did she faint like that? I thought. Maybe she knows Mr Laksmono?! That would be a good reason for her to faint. But, it was Highly unlikely, that she would keep that to herself. She would have seeled proffesional help, I f she had started to hear voices in her head.
the why had she fainted.

“I'll have to go to Thorts tonight, and see what I can remember.” I said to my self, just as I found the smelling salts and ran out to Brian.

@*@*@

Chapter Eight

Dinner and a Talking Cat

Everyone was gathered in the living room, while Maria was lying on the couch, with an Ice bag over her face, groaning evry minute or so.

“Are you sure your alright Maria?” Dad asked for the billionth time. “Are you sure you don't want any tea or anything. I can get you anything, Any thing at all, just ask for it. Ask for anything you want. Absolutle anything!”

My Dad, has this weird problem. Whenever he gets nervous, or or somebody gets hurt, he repeats words over and over again.
It was a habit he got into as a kid, when the Teachers would cane him, he would repeat what he said.
and so now, as a middle aged man, he was still in that habit.

No one bothered telling him to stop it. because he would just repeat 'stop it' over and over again.

“No, thank you, I'm quite fine, Micheal dear.” Maria said through the bag of peas.

Japser jumped up on Maria and started to puur, sitting on her stomach, and looking at her with big yellow eyes.

“So, what exactly happened?” Sam asked, sitting down on the arm of the lounge chair I was sitting on.

“I told you already,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I told her about Mr laksmono, and our conversation. Then she just up and fainted. I have no idea what happened.”

Litte sneazed. He had come in and found us, just as Maria woke up.

“It wasn't you Lauren dear, it was just this heat.” Maria said. “It has has nothing to do with your imaginary friend, Ish Laksmono!”

I frowned. There was no way that she could have memorised his name, Just before fainting.
Though, to be fair, I memorised his name just before falling asleep in a paddock.

“Jodie, could you please go and get me some water, I feal a bit faint.”
Jodes, nodded and went out into the kitchen.

“Well, I'm going to go and do something that doesn't involve physical labour.” Sam yawned, standing and stretching his back. “This has gotten a bit dull.”

“I'll come and help you do nothing.” I said standing up. “You never know when your gonna need back up.”
I laughed and followed him up the stairs into the Retreat.

“I think she's lieing.” Sam said, as soon as the door was closed. “Maria just doesn't just faint from heat. There just has to be something else to this. Did this Ish guy say anything that might be a clue.?”

Jasper yawned, and jumped down from the window sill, to come and stare at us from Sam's feat.

“Nothing that I can remember.” I said, kneeling and patting Litte. “Why are you so suspicious all of a sudden? Is your 'spy senses' going off or something?”

“No-well yeah-but not exactly.” Sam said, scratching Jaspers head.

“Sam, I think maybe you should try not to confuse yourself. It's helpful, if you want other people to understand what your saying.”

“Lauren, you know what I mean.” He growled. “But the thing is, that I'm starting to remember.”

“Why? What, Did you get amnesia or something?” I asked, half joking.

Sam looked at me, and nodded grimly. “I think I did. But only for this morning.”

“This morning?” I asked, turning my head to the side. “Why? What happened this morning?”

He raised his eyebrows and waited, and I tried to think back, but nothing was forth coming.

“The cows Lauren! When I 'tricked' you!” Sam cried. “Oh come on Lauren! You can't have been affected too!” He seemed realy concerned. But not nearly as concerned as I was.

“Sam, Should I be worried for your mental health?” I asked. “And yes, I do remember what happened, I just erased it from my memory momentarily. I don't want to remember it, because it only holds sour emotions. So, what about it?”

“I think that the cows were actually trying to revolt.” He said, heaving a heavy sigh.

“Sam, should I be worried for mental health?” I asked, fealing his forehead. “You do feel a bit feverish.”

“Lauren, could you please be serious for a moment!” He yelled, throwing away my hand. “Please, I think something weird is going on at Cows Nest. And I think that Maria is behind it all. I don't kow what she's planning, but I think that maybe you should be careful. Maria doesn't like you around. I just thought that maybe you should know.”
I looked up into Sam's eyes, and felt a weird shiver go through my body.
Sam was 100%, dead serious.
And Sam was hardly ever that serious.

“Right!” I cried, making, Sam, jasper and Litte jump with surprise. “I'll do my best to make sure that this Farm is safe from Maria!” I saluted. “Leave it all up to me!”

“The Grand-witch wants me to tell you all that you have to entertain me until dinner.” Jodie said, suddenly apearing at my side.
I jumped and almost fell out the window.
“Jodie! You almost made me fall out of the window!” I cried inot her ear.

“You weren't anywhere near the window!” Jodes yelled back. “So stop blubbering about it, and let me watch a movie!”

“What movie do you want to watch?” Sam said, over my next, 'unlady like' comment.

“The Lion King!” She laughed, forgetting all about me instantly.

“The Lion King?” Sam and I said together. The problem with Jodes, is that she is so imature that you forget that she's only six. So when she asked to do such childish things like watch the Lion King, it took people off gaurd.

“Thats what I said!” she laughed.
Sam looked at me and shrugged.

“I'll get the snacks.” I said sighing as though it was the most boring thing I could have ever have done in the course of my entire life.

@*@

By the time the movie was finished, dinner was ready. And I could tell before anybody drew in breath to tell us.
sam sais that I have this special kind of Esp, where I can tell what all food is doing.

Dinner was mashed potatoes, sauseges and vegetables. All soaked in butter and salt.
Delicious.

I sat at the end of the table, away from everyone else, and they were strangly ignoring my presence at the dinner table. But it didn't fase me a bit. I just ate dinner and thought about things that i usualy thaought about when I was alone.
I think that night, I was thinking about who invented keys, and how rich he was.
Because I think that the inventor of keys should get a lot more credit.

But, anyway, towards the end of dinner, a storm broke out. And it was a ripper, the trees out there were swaying like mad, and they would sometimes bend so much that they would almost touch the ground.

Litte came inside just as the storm started.
“Dad, you did seal up the barn didn't you?” I asked nervously, not liking the thought of haviong to go out intot hat storm to lock the animals in.

“Don't worry Lauren.” Brian said. “Your old man and me sealed the place up, just before we came in for dinner. Don't know why exactly, but we did, and it's a good thing too!”

Both men laughed together, and Litte whined, shuffling on his feet.

“Sorry Litte,” I whispered down at him. “But I can't go into the retreat, yet. Dinner time is family time, And I'm not convinced that every thing is healed over yet.”

“Lauren, stop speaking to the dog.” Maria droned from the head of the table.

“Oh let her talk Mum, you know how she loves Litte.” Brian laughed. “Wouldn't be surprised If they up and eloped!”
Sam laughed, nodding his head in agreance.
But Dad seemed worryed.

My Dad was your typical, over protective Dad. He didn't like the thought of anyone moving on his little girl.

That was when jasper came in.
No one noticed him at first. Jasper was a cat. You don't notice a cat.
But then he jumped up onto the table, and sat, infront of Maria.

He waited a moment, and then he did the most incredulous thing: he stood up.
He stood on his hind legs and he cleared his throught for attention.
Every one was flabber-gastered, (a nice word, don't you think; flabber -gastered?)

“Now that I have your attention,” Jasper said, folding his arms behind his back. “ I would like you all to catch The girl you call 'Lauren' and throw her out of an upstairs window. You can bind her if you like. But make it quick.”

I was ofcourse, shocked and somewhat outraged.
Jasper could talk.
Jpser, could talk!
And more than that he was ordering my family to throw me out a window.
A cat giving orders,
A talking cat, giving orders to kill me.

I think that, that was the most surprising part of that second.
Because, then Litte said, “Hurry Miss Lauren, get out of here now! Get to the retreat!”
Then I was shocked, and confused.
Litte could speak too?
And I knew that he was speaking aloud, because Sam and Jodie were looking at him like... well, like he was a talking dog.
Wich he was.
Litte was talking!

“Oh dear.” said Jasper, walking forward across the table. “It seems that the mutt Has come in to try and stop me. Ha ha ha!” He laughed evily. “But you are too late! My army has already been summoned to this house, and the girls family is now under my spell! You can't stop me!”

“Grandma, what did you put in dinner?” Jodie cried, standing up and knocking over herr chair. “This is just too weird!”

“Oh, so I'm not the only one who can see and hear this.” Sam said, sounding somewhat relieved.

“Sam, that only means , that this is a mass halusination, or, this is real.” I said, smiling.

“My vote is for mass halusination.” Jodie said, and she was sounding somewhat nervous. “Because didn't he say something about an army surounding the house? I'm kinda' worried about that part of him talking.”

“Now that you mention it, I'm kinda' worried about that too. maybe we should run somewhere. But where, that's the question that we should be worrying about.” I said.

“Oh dear, looks like your speell didn't quite work on those human children.” Litte growled. “You must be losing your touch.”

“Don't be so silly, you stupid mutt.” Jasper spat. “Those children will just have to dir aswell. I still have the adults under my spell, not to mention, the human woman that is willingly my servant.”

That was when Maria stepped forward, and did a small curt cuetsie, then stepped back again.

@*@*@

Chapter 9

Psychotic Cows and a New Use for Pots

“Wait could someone please explain what is going on?” Jodie asked. “This is getting realy confusing.”

“No,” Jasper said, and he looked like he was sneering. “I don't talk to the dead. Take them all now!” He yelled and Dad, and Brian Stood up and turned to me.
I almost cried. There eyes were dead, and cold, and as I looked into them, I could tell that they weren't them. And it wa the most terrifying sight that I had ever seen.
Picture yourself, sitting and laughing with your family one moment, and then seeing them turn cold, and they look at you, with no emotion, no recognisation of who you are, and you have a faint idea of what I was fealing.

Brian was closest to me, and he reached out to grab my arm, but then Litte, barking like mad, leaped up and bit his arm, knawing at and he seemed to be saying something through Brian's arm. But I was in shock, so I didn't pick it up.

Brian stubled backwards and fell over a chair.
Litte let go, and leaped for Dad, who was trying to drag a struggling sam away from the room.

“Get to the Retreat!” Litte barked. “All of you go! Now!”
I kept shouting at me to get away, but the words didn't penetrate.
Everything was ruined. The family would never be healed, and Brian and Dad, were trying to kill me, and Maria was just standing there doing nothing to stop them.
Actually she was smiling. She was enjoying the spectacle of us dieing, and fighting the ones we love.
Then somebody grabbed both my arms and started to drag me away from the dining room, where everything was falling apart.

“We need to get away from here!”

“Come on Lauren! We need to get while the gettin's good!”

It was Jodie and sam. They were tugging me away, towards the stairs.
“Snap out of it already! We need you here!” Sam shouted, as something smashed.
“We need to get to the Retreat, and we need you to be Here in this world and not wherever you think you are!”

I looked around, just intime to see something crash through the front door, and Jodie squeeled so loud, I think my ears bled a bit.

It was a big cow, with horns about as long as Jodie.
“We need to get out through the kitchen.” I yelled. grabbing ahold of their arms and ran past the dining room, ducking as a hypnotised Dad, took a swing at me.

But it was no good. Another cow came crashing through the window above the sink, the only difference was that this one was twices as big, and his horns were cutting into the ceiling.

“Watch it!” Sam cried, pushing me and jodie away as it charged at us, and he barely managed to get out of the way himself.
Litte apeared next to him, limping slightly.
“If you get to the tree, outside, the one you use to get into the Retreat, the Bovines won't be able to climd the tree.” He said, sounding very wourn out.

“Okay,” I said, lifting Jodie onto my back. “Now hold on Jodes, I don't know what's out there. Sam, tic toc, times a waste'n.”

Jodie giggled slightly on my back. “Only you could be calm and funny when giant cows are trying to ram us through the gut.”

“And only you could look at this through negative eyes.” I laughed, dodging the bull as it charged at us again.

“Negative? Negative?!” Jodie cried. “What could you possibly see as positive in this situation?”

“I don't know. But negativity never helped any situation.” I said, dodging yet again the rampaging bull.

“Lauren, could you please stopo having a pleasant conversation, and consentrate, on getting out of the kitchen alive!?” Sam yelled, as more and more cows crashed through the wall, and each time getting bigger and bigger.

“This is gonna be impossible!” Jodie shouted. “We're gonna get killed by cows!”

“Jodie! Stop shouting! Your mouth is right next to my ear!” I shouted back, ducking as a stray horn came crashing over head.

“I can make a path for you all, b ut you must run, no matter what you think your going to run into!” Litte shouted, as he leaped up at a particuley large cow, and bit down, realy hard.

“Okay, just do it already.” Sam yelled, picking up a frying pan and hitt the closest Cow in the head, in a flimsy attempt to protect himself. But strangely enough, the cow reared and collapsed infront of him.
“Wow!” I cried, laughing and dodging. “Waita' go Sami-boy!”
“It's the iron in the pots! The bovines Can't stand the iron!” Litte cried, biting at another cow. “Grab one and hit 'em!”

But we were two steps ahead of him. Sam now had two frying pans, and a strainer was sitting on his head.
While Jodes and I had pots on our heads and Jodie was holding the frying pans, Because I was too busy holding her.

I almost laughed when I thought about how silly all this must be sounding to the neighboors, if they could hear it all going on, or even better, how it looked if they could see it all happening.

'And how would they see that?' a little voice in my head asked.
They could own a telescope, or binoculars, or something that could enhance their sight.
No. That isn't it.
There's a hill in between our house and the neighbours, so they wouldn't be able to see it all with sight enhancing equitment.
Maybe they own something that can see over a hill, or through something.

“Lauren snap out of it!” Jodie yelled, smacking a cow on the side of the head. “We're almost there! Just don't lose your mind until then!”

“Don't get distracted Miss Lauren, this is no time to visit Thorts.” Litte cried.

The tree was in fous now. But just barely, as there was the biggest bull, standing between us, and the tree.

“We're gonna need a bigger frying pan!” Sam yelledDodging three rampaging cows. “and I'm getting realy tired here. I don't think we can get past the mother of all bulls!”

“Sam! Negativity never helped any situation before, and it sure as day, ain't gonna help us here and now!” I screamed, and 2 bulls, stopped in there tracks and backed away.

“Ha ha! Lauren scared the bulls away!” Jodie laughed, swinging a pan through the air.

“You cannot escape me!” Jasper cired, apearing ontop of the gigantor bull. “Because, this bovine, does not react to iron!” He laughed evily.

“Where did that cat learn to laugh evily?” Jodie whispered into my ear. “And when did he get ontop of that cow? And what's a 'bovine'? Is he mental? Maybe he has fleas or something?”

“I do not have fleas you rotten little cokoraoch!” Jasper spat, leaning over the cows horns. “Never, ever suggest such a stupid thing again!”

Maybe he does have fleas, I though to myself, making a break for the tree, with Sam and Litte two steps behind.

The big bull charged, tossing it's head from side to side, making sure that we could all get caught in it's rampage.

I jumped out of the way, still running for the tree.
Then I remembered that we didn't actualy use the tree for entries.
It was exits only.

“Goddamn it!” I shouted. Now turning around and running for the vine, wich was unguarded by any cows. “Litte! you through me off! Sam! come this way!” I shouted over my shoulder, glimpsing Litte, biting at the bulls hooves, trying to keep the big beast at bay.

“Right behind ya' Lauren!” Sam said, and he sounded very tired.

'It is because you have been running and fighting for half an hour.'

“Ish Laksmono! have you been watching us? Why didn't you help us when the first cow came crashing through my kitchen wall!?” I shouted, pushing Jodie up the vines.

“Lauren, who are you talking to?!” Jodie called down at me. “Cause now is not the time to lose your mind!”

“Now is as good a time as any! And this is a private conversation between me, and someone who did nothing while we were being attacked by verocious Cows that are tearing my house down!”

“Sorry, I didn't mean to eaves drop.” Jodie said, climbing steadily to the window that was open above us.

“Please, just stop and consentrate on getting away from the evil cows alive.”

'He is right Miss Lauren.' Mr Laksmono said. 'you should be consentrating on what is to happen, what did happen and what should have happened.'

“You, are just saying that to get yourself out of the deep end! but it won't work! I'm still gonna be angry with you!” I cried, climbing up after Jodie.
The whole wall shuddered as a cow came crashing into it just after Sam was just out of the way.

“Quick climb! All of you!” Litte was suddenly above us, looking down at us through the open window. “You must hurry, before he bewitches them to climb!”

“Cows can't climb!” Sam shouted.

“And cats can't talk! Just climb faster!” Litte yelled back.

Sam may have answered, but anything that he said was then completely cut off as there was a blinding light and a deafening bang!

My hair flew around my eyes as a sudden wind threatened to blow us off of the wall and down into the verocious herd of cows, ready to tear us limb from limb.
Not a nice ending.

Somebody grabbed my neck and hauled me up, through the window, the sill, grazing my knees. Then I was dumped on the ground, presumebly on a bean bag.

Everything hurt. It all felt like I was being stabbed by red hot knives.

“You can sleep now Miss Lauren. There is currently no need for you to stay awake. And don't worry, everyone is safe now.”

I'm not sure who said that exactly, but it was comforting nonetheless.

@*@*@

Chapter Ten

A Yarn With a Dog and Meeting Ish Laksmono

When I woke up, I was warm, and dry and I felt very safe.
Jodies hair was in my face, I could smell the shampoo that only a little girl would wear.
My eyes weren't open, but I knew I was in the Retreat.

The Retreat, has it's own didtinctive smell. Like an library full of old rare books and new paper.
Sam said that we should try to get the smell out of the Retreat, But I had siad absolutly not, and that was the end of that.