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The middle of the night is not nice to Sayuki. The dreams of escaping Ul’dah are muddled and blurry. The red carpet hiding the bloodstains to the warm golden walls makes the Scion’s faces stand out that much more.
She slowly opens her eyes to darkness, but doesn’t feel alive yet. She can’t do anything but rub her wet eyes as her traitorous mind tells her she can't save anyone. Hydaelyn deemed her special but all her friends are gone. Dead. Bodies left behind. This world doesn’t care that she’s special. This world-
“Sayuki?” says a voice from the darkness slightly to her right. Her next inhale cuts like glass all the way down.
“Please don’t,” she says. There’s the rustle of sheets and it peels away from her sweat damp skin.
“Hold on sweetheart,” Haurchefant's voice says. A drawer slides open and she can hear him fumble with a match. A tiny flame appears and he lights a candle. She sits up on one elbow as he rolls over to face her.
“Hello,” he says quietly. He reaches out towards her face, but stops midway. They are both still incredibly new to this fragile relationship and it shows. Sayuki stares at his hand before following his arm up to his face. The flickering candlelight highlights his aquiline nose and the dark circles under his eyes are even deeper. Haurchefant sits up all the way and turns to face her more. Sayuki mimics his motion, then reaches out with both of her hands. He gently smiles and meets both her hands with one of his. She squeezes then clears her throat. Her mouth is too dry so it ends up being an awkward choking sound.
“Water?” he asks but she shakes her head. Sayuki feels like she has to say something but doesn’t know where to start. Haurchefant came into her life and has been nothing but patient and much needed support. She owes him an explanation.
“I’m trying,” she forces out through clenched teeth. “I want you to know that.”
He makes a shushing noise but she keeps going. “I’m trying to get over this- to be the hero they wanted me to be.”
“I know,” he replies. “But there’s nothing to get over. You are still processing a deeply traumatic event.” He runs his fingers up to her shoulder and dapples the fingertips across the bone.
Sayuki breaths out the air she was holding. Everyone says that; it’s the automatic response. It’s too easy to dismiss his words but maybe he does know. Every knight she has met in Ishgard wears the same haunted looks from fighting a seemingly never ending war. “How do you cope with it all?” she asks as she runs her thumbs over the back of his hand.
“Well,” he starts then pauses. He grabs her shoulder and eases her back down with him until they are laying face to face. He remembers her horns last minute and wedges a pillow between her head and his bicep. “Knowing you helps.”
“Sap,” she mutters into the pillow. He pulls her closer and she wraps her tail around his leg. “Go back to sleep.”
“Can’t help it,” he heaves a dramatic put upon sigh then kisses her forehead. “Also you first.”
Sayuki is immensely grateful for the way Haurchefant can pick up like nothing happened. Like she’s not broken and nothing has been lost.
“Feeling better?”
“Close enough.”
“I’ll take it,” he says and pulls the blankets back up.