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Months. It had already been months. Months since the shitshow at the facility. Months since dying. Months since claiming Gordon's couch without warning. At first it had been. Well. A fucking mess, simply put. Gordon had been a bit. Unhappy to see Benrey, to put it lightly. There'd been an argument, a lot of tears, and a good long talk that led to the decision to let them stay for a while. It chose not to comment on the fact that so much time had passed and rather than kicking it out, Gordon offered his spare room to it.
These things often buzzed at the back of Benrey's mind, never really leaving them alone. It was currently too busy dealing with an anxiety attack that had been going on for days now, maybe even a week. A few weeks earlier it had noticed that its hair had started pushing towards shaggy. And now that it really was, it was terrified. Growing up in Black Mesa he had never been allowed to grow his hair out. It had always hurt. Every time the White Coats would have them sat down and immobile to shave his "unruly mess" it had felt like he was losing a piece of himself. They always knew better than to say so to the White Coats, though. Knowing them they'd have constantly left him bald for their own sick amusement.
Benrey shook its head to try to clear it of those thoughts. Shake away the bad times like a fucking. Etch-a-sketch or something. All that really managed to do was make them a bit dizzy, but if nothing else it gave them something to complain to themself about that wasn't Black Mesa bullshit. Unfortunately now they were dizzy on top of anxious, and bitchy about it. A few black orbs of sweetvoice came from him while he tried to regain focus on. Anything.
It finally rolled its way out of bed, tired of being there alone with its thoughts. Much better to be alone with its thoughts in the living room where gaming was an option. It did help. Somewhat. It provided a distraction that they could pour all their focus into for a while. Or a good six hours, as the case happened to be. Six hours of only being half aware of what the hell he was even playing. Six hours of feeling like they were floating a good three inches above the couch the entire time. They weren't and they knew that, but they were too absorbed in. The game they'd been playing. Imagine processing what the hell you're doing. Couldn't be him.
Benrey felt the couch dip next to him before he even realized that he'd heard the door open and close. It didn't really hit them what was going on until the controller had been taken from their hands. They looked at Gordon blankly as he paused their game and sent them his own look of concern.
"Hey man you uh. You okay?"
"huh? what?" benrey's blank stare somehow managed to look all the more vacant as they felt their anxiety crawling back up to the surface of their mind now that they weren't in gamer mode. "oh uh. im a cool. big cool. epic as always broooooo."
Gordon furrowed his brows, partially in frustration, but mostly in concern. "You haven't responded to a thing I've said since I got home, Ben. Something's up. Kinda seems like something's been up for a while. I guess it was pretty bold of me to assume you'd say something about it eventually. So. What's up? Lay it on me."
"ugh fuckin forgot that youre like. not shit at uh. noticing things? thats not. the words i want. word machine broke haha. but uh. its nothing bro. big dumb shit, trust me. mega dumb. top 10 benny epic cringe moments number seven will surprise y-"
"Benrey. You don't uh. You're not obligated to give me details or anything. Just. Come on man something is clearly up and it's past the point of no big deal. And before you go off about some Gaydon Gayman shit or whatever the hell, you're uh. A friend and I care. So. None of that bullshit today."
Benrey shrunk in on itself a bit, knowing very well that Gordon was right. It found itself chewing on its tongue while trying to think of how to get anything across in as few words as possible. Speech was starting to feel difficult and they were not up to pushing themself to say a lot regardless.
"okay uh. dumb question. is my uhh. my hair too long?"
Gordon blinked. He hadn't been sure what he was expecting, but it sure as hell wasn't that.
"That's what this is abo- Actually. You know what. Not gonna question it. No, it's not too long. Actually I uh."
Gordon paused a moment, briefly considering how his thoughts may be taken. Turned out he didn't really care. There were actual important things to think about right now. The alien sitting next to him that looked to be about a minute away from shutting down completely, for example.
"I uh. Think long hair would suit you. You should grow it out. I mean if that's what you want to do of course."
Benrey stared a moment, processing what had been said to them. After about a minute he slowly nodded and let out a stream of a somewhat orange-pink sweetvoice followed by a stream of a light purple to a royal blue.
Gordon added those colours to his mental list that he intended to have Tommy help him figure out eventually. For now he smiled at Benrey and just watched as they took back the controller he had set down some time ago. Apparently they were done with talking for now and he was alright with that. He knew how it was.
Unpausing what had apparently been minecraft, much to Benrey's lack of surprise, they reflected on what Gordon had said to them. It still found itself anxious as all hell, but if what it had observed in Gordon was true for it too, it'd take time for the anxiety to stop being so. Instinctual? He felt that word may not be quite what he was going for, but he didn't have the mental energy to think too hard on it. Right now his thoughts were occupied with the revelation of one of his many new freedoms. For the first time that day they smiled, looking forward to getting to have a little more of themself back after having lost so much.