Chapter Text
He remembered swallowing Xuan Su—or what was left of it. He remembered the pain. He remembered the familiar taste of blood filling his mouth. But he didn’t remember what happens after.
Waking up to an old, familiar, shabby ceiling above his head instead of the cold, damp cave, he made a decision.
It was easy.
This time, Shen Qingqiu couldn’t exist.
Throwing a side glance to a certain older boy a few meters from him who was comforting a younger one who still didn’t understand the concept of abandonment—they were a new batch, that older boy didn’t know who he was, has not yet given him a nickname to add to the word "nine"—he decided that, to an extent, Xiao Jiu also couldn’t exist.
Better cut the bond before it can form, it was all for the better, he thought. If catastrophe befall him like the last time—because who can guarantee everything won’t happen again?—at least, Yue Qi wouldn’t throw his life for waste and died as a human pincushion.
He clenched his fist tight.
It was easy avoiding Yue Qi. At the same time, it wasn’t.
He didn’t make trouble this time, didn’t fight with the other slaves. Yue Qi rarely glanced his way because he wasn’t the feral little kid he once was—always bruised, always injured, always needing his help. The older boy was too busy taking care of those other little kids who still couldn’t grasp at the reality they were in right now.
Once those kids could stand on their own feet, once they realized that no one could help them other than their own self, once they start fighting for survival, Yue Qi would be abandoned. Forgotten. An enemy for survival. Not the kind big brother who comforted them when they cry.
Yue Qi was still stupid. Even in his attempt to distancing himself from the other boy, Shen Jiu still found himself getting closer.
This was what attract Shen Jiu in the first place: Yue Qi never hurt him. Yue Qi helped him. Shen Jiu wasn’t an ungrateful little kid who doesn’t know how to be thankful. Yue Qi was too soft to fight so Shen Jiu fight for him.
And they became close. Just for that reason.
Slaves don’t call their older, fellow one as "Gege". Shen Jiu did, only to Yue Qi. Even went as far as adding the "Qi" to his nickname.
It was a simple word but it hide a deeper meaning. They couldn’t afford something complicated given their circumstances.
It was easy to avoid Yue Qi, but Shen Jiu still need to get closer to him to make sure he is alright.
The first time he reaches out to the older boy, Yue Qi had just given his food to the other, younger slave just because the little kid begged ("You can’t just give your food to him like that, Qi-ge. Just because he begs"). When he spoke, Yue Qi blinked at him in surprise.
"I thought you are a mute," he said, honestly.
There was a pause, as if he couldn’t remember Shen Jiu's name. Shen Jiu could see the older boy doing the math in his head before asking, "A-Jiu was it?"
Shen Jiu nodded. Wordlessly, he shoved the half cold bun into Yue Qi's hands. He meant to save it for later, but he had endured one lifetime of hunger. He could endure more.
Yue Qi smiled the same smile he used when he was about to refuse something. Shen Jiu left before the other boy could open his mouth.
The other time when Shen Jiu needs to make sure that Qi-ge—Yue Qi, now, he was only Yue Qi—had enough food to eat, he didn’t bother approaching him. He just placed the food where only Yue Qi could see and left.
Shen Jiu knew how to steal. He knew how to hide the coins to himself and gave just enough amount to his master to escape suspicion. He knew how to pickpocket, how to trick people, and how to take a life despite his disadvantages in size and strength.
He knew how to avoid troubles.
Stupid Yue Qi always come to greet those troubles himself. Well, he actually came to help those in troubles, but those ungrateful victims always more than happy to dump all of their problems into his lap. And Yue Qi accepts. Willingly. With a smile.
Shen Jiu used to throw a tantrum just to make sure that his brother couldn’t endanger himself. If Yue Qi had his hands full of only Shen Jiu, he didn’t have time to take care of others. No one could hurt him then.
Shen Jiu couldn’t use that tactic now, not if he want to keep Xio Jiu's presence as nonexistent.
If he wants to keep Yue Qi save, he needs to save those children too.
Ungrateful bastards.
Shiwu could die. But Shen Jiu knew better than taking revenge on a little kid (he had learned that on his past life, okay). Besides, with or without Shiwu, Qiu Jianluo was a bastard that needs to die.
Still, he might or might not tie the kid a bit too tight just to avoid that incident with the horse.
But considering what he had been through in his last life, Shiwu was lucky.
Shen Jiu might had lost his cultivation, but he knew how to get it back. No need for a master, no need to join a sect. He could train himself to build a golden core.
And he knew he could. This time, he didn’t need to tie himself with a trashy master who taught him nothing except for stealing, killing, and how to effectively ruin his own cultivation.
Shen Jiu didn’t need a sect to survive.
But Yue Qi—Yue Qi need to join a sect. He need to enter Cang Qiong before it was too late. With or without Shen Jiu, the older boy was meant for greatness. And Shen Jiu would make sure that he could be what he was in his last life and more.
Maybe he could use Xuan Su this time, without Shen Jiu there to drag him down.
"You should join a sect," he said one day, out of the blue. Yue Qi looked startled as if he had just realized Shen Jiu was there.
"Ah.." the older boy began, pausing to match the face with the number inside his head. Shen Jiu didn’t know whether he like this change or not. "A-Jiu?"
Shen Jiu nodded and repeated himself again. "You should join a sect."
Yue Qi was confused. "A sect?"
"Yep."
"Does A-Jiu want to be a cultivator?"
"Better that than a slave," he shrugged nonchalantly. "You're at the right age to start cultivating. I heard Cang Qiong Mountain Sect opens a recruitment for new disciples. The test is next week and the fee is cheap. You should try."
"Cang Qiong Mountain.. Isn’t that one of the four big sect?" Yue Qi asked, eyes opened wide.
"Yes," Shen Jiu answered. Then with a softer voice, "If it's you, I know you can make it."
Yue Qi smiled. Big brother instinct taking over, he automatically reached out and ruffled Shen Jiu's head. He missed how the younger boy tensed.
"I'm happy that A-Jiu believes in me but," he sighed. "I don’t think they're willing to take a slave in as their disciple."
"They are," Shen Jiu insisted. "They don’t care about our background. As long as you have talent, they will take you in."
"Ah.. But do I have the talent, though?"
"You do," Shen Jiu looked at Yue Qi in the eyes and clenched his fist. "You can do it. I know you can do it. Qi-g—Yue Qi, you're meant for greatness. You can’t—You can’t stay here forever. You can’t be a slave forever. You don’t need me—us—to drag you down."
"You guys are not a burden," Yue Qi answered softly. Some wounds in Shen Jiu's heart started to bleed at the words. "I'm your big brother, am I not? If I’m away, who will take care of you? Maybe A-Jiu should attend the test when he is old enough. Qi-ge will wait here."
Shen Jiu looked away. Yue Qi had the same kind looks on his face like the one he used to throw at Shen Jiu a lifetime ago. In the back of his throat, he could tasted the cold metal of Xuan Su there.
Stupid Yue Qi. Stupid Qi-ge.
"I will take care of them," I won’t let you be dragged down by another slave again.
"A-Jiu—"
"I'm strong. You don’t need to worry."
"I know, but—"
"They're strong too. Yue Qi, no one acknowledge you as a big brother except yourself. Face it. They don’t need you. I don’t need you," That's why, hurry up and get away before you get yourself killed.
"Ah.."
Yue Qi didn’t say anything else after that.
Shen Jiu refused to glance at the other boy. He knew what he would find. Yue Qi with his head down and with eyes full of pain. He couldn’t bear to look at that sight. Not after Xuan Su.
(He found a little bit of Yue Qi thrumming in the remaining shards of Xuan Su. He knew what it implied. No wonder Yue Qi rarely pulled his sword out of its scabbard.
It was Shen Jiu's fault.
He curled himself around the shards back then. He waited until the thrumming recedes before putting the shards into his mouth.)
"..Does A-Jiu really think that way?" Yue Qi slowly asked.
No. "Yes."
"..I'm sorry," Yue Qi's head dropped down even further.
Shen Jiu sighed and mumbled softly, "You can’t save everyone, Qi-ge.."
Unbeknownst to him, the other boy glanced up at that.
"I will help you with the fee. I can hide a few coins from master, it is easy," he said and took a peak at Yue Qi, who was looking right at him. He quickly turned away again.
"Just.. Apply for the test, join the sect, and be a great cultivator. Don’t waste yourself in this place anymore."
Yue Qi nodded. "I will come back."
"No," Shen Jiu said. "Do you think I'm weak that I can’t take care of them?"
Yue Qi shook his head. "A-Jiu is strong but I really wish to come back."
"Fine," Shen Jiu changed his tactic. His big brother was kind but he was also stubborn. "Do whatever you want. But don’t rush it. Don’t be impatient. And trust me."
"I trust you," Yue Qi said confidently. Without any hesitation at all. Shen Jiu didn’t say anything and quickly left.
One day before the test, for the first time in his second life, Shen Jiu made a ruckus. Yue Qi was smart enough to catch the signal and used the chance to sneak away. Behind the back of their master, their eyes met for the briefest moment.
Yue Qi looked at him like he was desperate to whisk Shen Jiu away from the wrath of their master, but Shen Jiu glared at him to go.
Yue Qi did.
Shen Jiu endured the beating until his master felt satisfied. It was easy. The man was nothing compared to Qiu Jianluo. Of course both of them were nothing compared to Luo Binghe.
After that, he quickly slipped away. He hunted down Yue Qi's trail like a dog, coating his feet with qi to make his travel faster. The speed was much slower than what he was used to, but Yue Qi was a mere boy with nothing but his own legs. Shen Jiu easily caught up.
He didn’t announced himself, only trailed silently behind the older boy like a shadow. He only needed to make sure that Yue Qi arrives at the location of the test safe and sound.
He blended with the crowds as he watched Yue Qi dig the soil. He stayed as the disciple from Qiong Ding Peak approached Yue Qi and led him away.
He only left after he couldn’t see Yue Qi's back anymore.
Shen Jiu might be a liar, but he didn’t play with oaths.
When he said that he would take care of the other slaves, he really meant it. Just.. not the way Yue Qi—or anyone else—would have imagined.
The night he came back, he cut his master neck with a sharpened leaf. He took away the coins the man had gathered and divided it evenly for the other slaves. He didn’t took a coin for himself.
His saving was more than enough.
That night, all the slaves were free. He didn’t care what the others would do. He quickly left and didn’t look back.
Shen Jiu was the type of person who does something stupid for the people who are lucky (or unlucky) enough to receive his loyalty.
He had given all his loyalty to Qi-ge. The betrayal that came after felt hurt, even until now. But he preferred it than Qi-ge's death.
When he met Haitang, the girl was nice but too innocent for her own good. He scrapped what was left of his loyalty and gave it to her in place of love, because that was something he doesn’t have nor able to give.
Then he killed her family.
He accepted the accusation she threw at him. It was true anyway. And he really did deserves it.
When he became a Peak Lord. He scrapped and scrapped what little left of his loyalty and gave them all to his martial siblings, even to that ungrateful bastard Liu Qingge. He scrapped until he was sure he didn’t have any more to give.
And he watched as they turned their back and let him be taken into the water prison without putting a fight for him.
He knew this life was not that life. He might not meet them. They wouldn’t even know him. But what he had given, no matter how much he wants to, he couldn’t take it back.
So here he was, disguising himself as one of the Qiu household's servant. He could clearly see the lust on Qiu Jianluo's eyes as he looked at his own sister. Shen Jiu carefully hide his seething disgust.
When that gaze landed on him, he knew what the man was thinking. He was an easy target. He was a servant. Qiu Jianluo could easily brought him up the rank to be his personal servant. Another words for a slave or a toy.
Shen Jiu slipped the poison to both Qiu Jianluo's and his father's drinks. He made sure that they drink them. After that, he left.
He only went out of the city when words that both the Lord of the Qiu household and his son's death reached his ears.
Years later, a certain head disciple of Qian Ciao Peak was looking down at the perfectly handled medical herbs which were displayed atop a contrastingly shabby-looking table. The merchant was smirking at him.
"How much?" the disciple asked. The merchant gleefully named the price. The disciple's eyes went wide.
"That much?!"
The merchant shrugged. He poked at the belly of a fat cat lounging on his lap.
"What can you say? I have two mouths to feed, after all."