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"But I think I know- I think I know now," stammered Cas, smiling, but with tears pooling in his eyes.
"Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it," finished Cas, looking right at Dean, imploring him to understand.
Dean, alarmed at his usually stoic friend's tears, was still no closer to the truth.
"What are you talking about, man? asked Dean slightly desperately.
"I know how you see yourself Dean," continued Cas, walking towards him, "You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. Destructive, you're angry, you're broken, your Daddy's blunt instrument. You think hate and anger - that's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, good and bad, you've done for love. You raised your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are!
The bangs on the door crashed and rattled the walls of the room they'd trapped themselves in, and yet between them, there was silence.
"You are the most loving, caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being, I will ever know."
Dean stared at him, still not quite clocking the meaning behind the magnitude of Cas' words.
"You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. And I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you! You changed me Dean."
Cas stopped, smiling whilst tears ran down his face. Dean, though still not entirely sure of what Cas meant he was sure Cas planned to get himself hurt, and he was sure he wouldn't stand for that.
"Why does this sound like a goodbye?" he asked, trembling.
"Because it is. I love you."
Finally understanding, Dean's face dropped.
"Don't do this Cas."
Cas didn't give a verbal reply. Instead he walked closer to Dean, putting his hand on the other man's cheek, finally, after all the time they had know each other, finally touching lips.
Most kisses had music in the background. Soft piano, a guitar serenading. Their's had crashing on a door, and the sound of a cosmic being materializing. And yet the kiss was perfect. Tears were running from both their eyes and they were shaking, but it was still perfect. When the Darkness of the Enpty came at them, Cas went to push Dean aside, but Dean held onto the lapels of his coat. He shook his head resolutely.
"Ok!" he shouted at the approaching darkness. "Ok, you son of a bitch! You've won. You get Cas, you get Death!" he yelled, pointing at the woman who had just broken down the door. The mass seemed to consider his surrender before diving for them both, beginning to wrap himself around them both.
"Woah, woah woah! But if you do that, what do you actually get. Death I understand, but Cas?"
The Empty stopped, and the low buzz that Dean could hear, turned almost quizzical. "Yeah, that's right! You tried to keep him once, and do you remember how much of a headache that gave you?"
Considering this, it tightened around Billie, while hopefully, though it may have been Dean's imagination, did not do the same for Cas. "Yeah, so I know how you made a deal or something. And I know you love deals, but you're the one losing out here. So why don't you just take your winnings, and get the hell outta dodge?" Unfortunately, this didn't seem to help, and Cas was drawn further in.
"Woah, ok, easy there. Now, here's the thing. If you take Cas, I will jump in there with him. I don't know if you've ever held a human soul before, because I don't think there are supposed to be people in you. So do you really know what would happen if I took the plunge? And, even if you have had humans in there, you've never had a soul like mine. I would just buzz, I will punch and kick, and Sam will prod and tug, and Jack will pull and wring because none of us will let this go. None of us will let him go. So either take the offer of Billie, and go, or never sleep again."
Though he was acting confident, Dean was shaking and almost holding his breath. His hands trembled, and his voice was slightly higher. The Empty let the choice hang in the air for what seemed like an entirely before relinquishing. Taking Billie with it. Leaving Cas alive.
Dean let out a breathe, and was slightly hysterically laughing. Until Cas swayed and collapsed into Dean's arms.
"Woah, Cas you ok?" asked Dean.
"Yeah, alright. Just a headache. Tired. Cold. I will feel worse later. But right now, I feel fine. Better than, in fact." With this Cas reached up to brush his and Dean's lips together. This time Dean reciprocated fully and enthusiastically. Pulling Cas close to him, they stayed lip locked until Dean had to breath.
"You can be happy now Cas," he realized. "Really happy."
"Yeah."
"I bet I can make you really happy." It was then that Cas straddled Dean and their lips met once again. The kissing that followed was unlike their first one, when both parties thought Cas was about to die. There were no tears slipping into mouths, only tongues. This was not a bitter goodbye. This was a hello. This was finally understanding after years of knowing each other. Of nearly a decade and a half of repressed emotion now present in roaming hands, sliding tongues, bodies pressed together. Their first kiss hurt because they thought it would be their last. This was healing because they knew, for once, it might not be. They continued kissing passionately for several minutes until the phone rang. After disentangling his and Cas' tongues Dean picked up.
"Heya Sammy. We're alive."
"Really?! Thank, well not God. Definitely not. Thank Cas? I'm assuming I do have him to thank, especially considering the 'we'."
"Er yep. Real close run thing, but details later," panted Dean, out of breath from the kissing, and blushing to his roots.
"Why are you out of breath? Haven't you literally been sitting on your ass in a 100ft squared room?"
"Er, no reason. So see ya, bye," finished Dean abruptly.
There were muffled voices on the other side of the phone and then-
"Well that was Sam telling us to come join the party. Wanna go save what's left of a messed up world with me?"
"Absolutely." They left the room hand in hand.