Archive of Our Own

Tenn had seen a lot of weirdness in her life. After all, you don't rise to the top ranks of Invaders in the Irken Empire, then survive an extended period of time on a planet whose environment forced its dominant species to evolve into beings of pure energy, without going through some experiences outside of most people's definition of "normal". And that wasn't even covering the general weirdness she'd had to adjust to ever since her banishment had led to her living on Earth. So, she figured she had a pretty good ability to handle whatever was thrown her way.

That being said, watching her so-called partner rolling on the sidewalk with a large-headed human, the two of them fighting like a pair of half-braindead dogs, was stretching her limits of belief just a little bit.

"This is ridiculous," she muttered, crossing her arms in annoyance as she watched the pair of archenemies claw and scratch at each other, yelling insults that varied from semi-coherent to utterly nonsensical. This had been going on for twenty minutes already, and it didn't show any sign of slowing down anytime soon.

"Okay, I've had enough," she finally decided. Deploying her PAK legs, she fired a plasma blast at a nearby car, the resulting explosion catching Zim and Dib's attention.

"What the hell?!" Dib shouted, as he and Zim instinctively jumped away from the explosion and each other.

"Glad I've got your attention," Tenn said dryly, as the boys turned to look at her, "Now then, this whole display is pathetic, and I'm done watching it. So, human, I suggest you leave, or I'll start blowing up more than just cars."

To prove her point, Tenn aimed at a building across the street. Dib followed her aim, and his eyes widened as he saw that she was targeting a Bloaty's Pizza Hog.

"…Oh, wow, you guys are so dead," he said after a moment, smirk forming on his face.

"You lie!" Zim snapped, before he too noticed what building Tenn was targeting, "Er, but maybe you should target something else."

"Oh please, what do I have to fear from some obese human in a pig suit?" Tenn sneered, gesturing to the picture of Bloaty in the restaurant window.

"He's not the one you should be worried about," a new voice said from behind her.

"Huh?" Tenn said, turning to face the speaker… and then screamed as several animatronic dolls with glowing eyes and metallic claws tackled her to the ground.

Gaz stood on the sidewalk, hands on her hips and several more of her security dolls by her side as she watched the first batch maul Tenn. She looked over to where Zim and Dib were watching with a mix of shock and resignation.

"No one threatens Bloaty's on my watch," she said, turning a glare on the other Irken, "And if she's living with you, you should have made this sort of thing clear to her. So this is your fault."

"How is that Zim's-AAAHHH!" Zim's protest was cut off as the rest of the dolls jumped him as well.

Dib stepped back to watch, very much enjoying the sight of the two Irkens being attacked. After a few minutes, however, they managed to break free of the tangled mass of dolls and ran off down the street; the dolls pursued for a few yards, before giving up and returning to their mistress' side.

"See? This is why you should help me out more often, we're a great team!" Dib exclaimed, causing Gaz to roll her eyes.

"I did that to protect Bloaty's, not to help your huge head," she said, "Speaking of which, I'm getting lunch. Come along or don't, I don't care."

"Yeah, okay," he said with a shrug, following after her. Glancing at the dolls, he arched an eyebrow and asked, "By the way, why did you even bring your dolls along with you?"

"Eh, Dad's in a Spring Cleaning mood, and I don't want him to find them and switch them on by accident," she replied, "That wouldn't end well for anyone."

"Ah, good point," Dib acknowledged, as the siblings entered the restaurant.

Meanwhile, down the street, Zim and Tenn had finally realized that the dolls were no longer chasing them and allowed themselves to stop and catch their breath. Looking themselves over, they saw that despite the pain, they had no serious injuries, and their PAKs were already healing the damage.

"That girl is insane!" Tenn snarled, hissing as the pain momentarily spiked during the healing process.

"Yes, and the worse part is that for some reason she actually cares about her smelly dirt-child sibling," Zim admitted, readjusting his torn shirt as the nanites supplied by his PAK mended it, "I've learned the hard way that I can't go too hard on the Dib-Monkey during our fights when she's around, or she'll retaliate. It really puts a crimp on our epic battles."

"'Epic battles'? Just now, the two of you got in a slap fight because you both tried to enter the candy store at the same time," Tenn said in a deadpan.

"Shut up!" Zim snapped.

The resulting argument continued for the remainder of the walk back to their base. It only stopped when, as they were entering the cul-de-sac, the sound of engines caught their attention. Looking up, the pair saw a Voot Cruiser zooming down from the atmosphere towards Zim's house, descending into the roof.

"Were you expecting someone?" Tenn asked suspiciously.

"Eh, it's probably just Skoodge," Zim said, "He comes by every couple of months for a supply exchange."

"What? I thought you went to Cyberflox for supplies?"

"For the most part, but Skoodge brings me equipment and other things that are hard to get without access to the Empire's distribution chain," Zim explained, "In exchange, I give him things he wants from here on Earth. Human snacks, mostly, but also the occasional video game or book or movie, stuff like that."

"Huh, wouldn't have thought he had the spine to engage in black market dealings," Tenn commented, as the pair continued towards Zim's house.

"Zim is a master of convincing people to do what I want!" Zim declared as he flung open his front door and entered the base.

"You can't even get GIR to stop making a mess half the time," Tenn replied as she followed Zim in, gesturing to where GIR and Minimoose were sitting on the couch, a large tray of nachos sitting between them. The crazy SIR unit was staring blankly at the TV, and every few moments would grab a handful of the cheesy snack and messily stuff it into his mouth, letting half of each bite dribble over him and onto the couch.

"That doesn't count! Nothing in the universe can make GIR obey orders!" Zim protested snippily. Tenn rolled her eyes in response, choosing to remove her disguise rather than reply; judging by Zim's smug smirk as he did likewise, he was clearly taking that silence as a victory.

Before either of them could say anything else, Skoodge emerged out of the toilet elevator and walked into the living room.

"Hey Zim. Say, do you have caramel snacks this time? You wouldn't believe the hoops that the Tallest make me go through to get some back home, those huge jerky-" he said as he entered the room, only to freeze as he saw Tenn standing there. His mind went blank in surprise for a moment, and then he instinctively shifted to self-protective sycophancy, "Great and glorious people! All hail the Tallest!"

Tenn rolled her eyes again while Zim snickered at Skoodge's reaction.

"Relax, Skoodge. She's exiled and bitter about it too," Zim explained, snickering some more as Skoodge visibly relaxed.

"Oh, thank goodness, the last thing I need is to give the Tallest another excuse to try and kill me again," Skoodge sighed in relief, before looking to Tenn in confusion, "But, what are you doing here of all places?"

"Well, I was stuck working as a bar waitress on Cyberflox when I ran into this idiot," Tenn explained, Zim glaring at her description of him, "And I agreed to help him conquer this pitiful planet as a way of proving my worth to the Tallest again."

"Oh, okay then. Glad to hear you're making the most of it," Skoodge said, before turning to Zim and adding, "And I'm glad to hear that you're willing to accept help. Honestly, I was always kinda worried you would never be open to making more Invader friends."

"Again with this friendship nonsense? The only friend an Invader needs is his squidgyblit!" Zim sneered, holding up the pen-shaped object in question, the pink rubber extension on its upper end bouncing in response to the movement.

"Look, no one's denying that the squidgyblit is the best thing ever," Skoodge said.

"Agreed," Tenn said, nodding sagely.

"But you need more than that," Skoodge continued, "I mean, everyone needs more than just work, after all. Heck, even the Tallest have each other to balance out their official duties with fun."

"Bah, Zim needs no one, I am just being too generous for my own good," Zim said, "Now enough of this! You came here for a supply exchange, and that's what we'll do! Computer, begin unloading Skoodge's ship."

"Yes, Masteeeerrrrrrrr," the Computer started to reply, only to trail off into a slow-speed slur that cut off in a static pop. The Irkens all blinked in confusion at that, which only grew as all the lights flickered and then shut off, leaving the house dark except for the light coming through the windows.

"Eh? What's going on? Computer, respond!" Zim ordered. When nothing happened, Zim scowled and glared at where his robots were still sitting on the couch, "GIR! What did you do?!"

"Nothing!" the robot replied around another mouthful of nacho, while still staring at the now blank television.

"Oh, really?" Zim asked, "Minimoose, what did he do?"

"Nyah!"

"Really? He's telling the truth?" Zim asked, arching an antenna in surprise.

"Nyah!"

"Well if your stupid robot didn't damage the base somehow, what did?" Tenn demanded.

"Maybe that hive had something to do with it?" Skoodge suggested, which earned him odd looks from the others.

"What hive?" Tenn asked.

"Uh, that weird hive-looking thing on the back of the house?" Skoodge explained, "I assumed you knew about it."

They stared at him for a moment, then exchanged a look and made their way to the back door on the other side of the kitchen, Skoodge following behind them. Exiting through it into the backyard, they turned to face the rear of the house, and were greeted by the sight of what appeared to be a massive reddish-brown beehive stuck to the upper level of the building.

"What is this?!" Zim exclaimed, while Tenn shot a deadpan glare at Skoodge.

"It didn't occur to you to maybe mention this when you first came in?" she asked.

"Hey, in my defense, I've seen a lot of weird stuff when I've come to visit," Skoodge replied, "Like, has Zim ever told you about the cybernetic battle-sloth?"

While Tenn squinted an eye in confusion, Zim had noticed something else, an odd smell coming from the hive. Narrowing his eyes, he extended his PAK legs to lift himself up so that he could examine the hive more closely. Looking at it carefully, he reached out and poked it, his eyes widening as he realized what he was seeing.

"This isn't beeswax! It's meat!" he said, catching Skoodge and Tenn's attention.

"A beehive made out of meat?" Tenn asked, eyes narrowing in thought, "That sounds weirdly familiar. I think I've heard about something like this before."

"Yes, obviously so has Zim," Zim said quickly, "But I'll let you prove your capabilities by being the one to explain it."

Once again rolling her eyes (and sweet Irk, but she seemed to be doing that a lot lately), Tenn chose not to retort to that. Instead, she pulled a data-pad out of her PAK and started sorting through a database on all species known to the Irken Empire. After a few minutes, she found what she was looking for.

"Here we go," she said, reading the information aloud, "Carne Bees, scientific name Beefus Megabombus. A sentient race from the Viande Nebula, known for building their hives and technology around meat harvested from their prey animals, which they only feed on the bodily fluids of."

"Yes, yes, that's very fascinating," Zim said in a tone that made it clear it was anything but, "However, I'm much more interested in why they've built a hive ON MY BASE!"

"I have no idea. According to this, they almost never leave their home system," Tenn replied, "By all rights, they shouldn't even be on this planet."

"Well, if they're sentient, should we try talking to them?" Skoodge suggested, "I'm sure we can fix this easily enough if we try."

"Oh, Zim will talk to them alright," Zim snarled, pointing two of his PAK legs at the hive, blasters charged, "Attention filthy meat bees! You are trespassing on the property of the almighty Zim! Leave immediately or face my wrath!"

For a few moments, there was no response, and then several panels opened along the side of the hive… and Zim's confidant smirk was wiped right off his face as several archaic-looking cannons popped out and aimed at him. Yelping, Zim fell to the ground and scrambled back to stand with an equally shocked Skoodge and Tenn. And before any of them could otherwise react, a larger panel opened above the cannons and a buzzing sound filled the air as several bees the size of tall humans flew out to hover above the Irkens, bulbous red compound eyes glaring at them and sharp stingers aimed in their direction.

Also, for some reason they were all wearing black tricorne hats with white skulls printed on them.

"Avast, ye scallawags!" one of the bees, who had a fancy blue ribbon wrapped around his hat, declared, "Surrender, or prepared to be keelhauled, savvy?"

The Irkens stared blankly at the bee who had spoken, before exchanging confused looks.

"Did either of you understand any of that?" Zim asked.

"I understood 'surrender' and 'prepared', but the rest was gibberish," Tenn replied, Skoodge nodding in agreement.

"Jeez, Ned, this is why we all tell you to knock it off with talking like that," one of the other bees commented to the one who had spoken, "No one ever has any idea what you're saying."

"We're pirates, Jerry, this is how we're supposed to talk!" Ned snapped, "And I'm First Mate, so if I want to do something you can't stop me!"

"Wait, back up," Tenn said, regaining the bees' attention, "You're pirate bees?"

"Aye, that's right, lass," Ned the First Mate said, "Rather that stay in our home systems sitting soft and fat, our hive sails the solar winds, taking our plunder where we find it!"

"And by plunder I'm guessing you mean meat?" Skoodge asked.

"Well obviously. Why would we be interesting in those worthless shiny rocks or bits of metal all other species obsess over?" Ned sneered, "But never mind that! You bottom-feeding barnacles dared to attack us, so it's Cosmic Jones' Locker for you!"

"Hang on!" Tenn protested, "If you're pirates, then I demand parlay!"

"What?!" Ned snarled angrily.

"Why are you asking for parsley?" Zim asked, looking at her in confusion. She smacked him upside the head in response.

"Not parsley, you moron! Parlay! A ceasefire and neutral meeting with their leader!" Tenn explained, "It's a universal code that all pirates have to abide by!"

"Hang the code!" Ned spat.

"You know she's right, Mr. 'We're Pirates We Have to Act Like It'," Jerry said smugly. Ned grumbled angrily, before gesturing with his stinger.

"Fine, we'll take you bilge rats before the Queen," he said begrudgingly, "But try anything, and I'll personally take your heads!"

Zim looked like he was about to snap something back in response, but Tenn slapped a hand over his mouth before he could.

"We understand perfectly, thank you," she said quickly. Ned glared at them some more, then turned and flew towards an opening in the meat hive, which simultaneously lowered a ramp. The other bees then herded the Irkens towards the ramp, which they ascended into the hive.

The Irkens' antennae all wilted in disgust at the overwhelming smell of old meat that hit them. Trying to ignore it, they focused on examining their surroundings as they were marched down what appeared to be the central corridor of the hive ship. Just like the exterior, everything was made out of meat, though there was machinery scattered about, such as light fixtures in the upper walls every few feet, or cables that ran across the floor and ceiling. All in all, it made a very odd setup.

After a few minutes of walking, the Irkens were ushered through a large pair of meat doors adorned with metal skull insignia, onto what they assumed was the main bridge of the ship. It was a little larger than Miss Bitters' classroom, with consoles ringing it along the walls that were manned by more bees, and a large viewport taking up the wall directly opposite the door. And in the exact center of the room was a throne, which spun around as they entered to reveal a bee even larger than the others, wearing a fancier tricorne and a furred cape.

"Who is this?" the apparent Queen Bee demanded as the group approached.

"Your Majesty, these scum dared to threaten the ship," Ned said, gesturing to the Irkens with his stinger.

"Only because you landed your disgusting ship right on top of my base!" Zim exclaimed, glaring at the bees.

"Ah, I see. So you own the facility we're drawing power from," the Queen Bee mused, gesturing to a nearby screen. Displayed on it was a red diagram of the ship perched atop a blue outline of the base, a series of yellow arrows shooting up from the base into the ship.

"Well, that explains why everything suddenly shut down," Skoodge commented.

"But why are you even here? Your species is said to never leave your home nebula," Tenn demanded.

"Oh sure, those lazy fools," the Queen sneered, "They just stay on the home worlds, content to share the scant resources those planets have to offer. Whereas my hive travels the stars, plundering the glorious meats of every planet that crosses our path, more than any hive back home will ever see in their lives!"

"Yes, that's all well and good, Zim can appreciate the need to do better than everyone else and rub their faces in it," Zim said, glaring at the Queen, "But what I do not appreciate is you draining power from my home!"

"Sorry about that," the Queen said dismissively, "But while we harvest this world's meat, we need to keep our ship powered, and your base has more power than any other source available."

"You dare take power that belongs to Zim?" Zim demanded, "I don't care if you want the humans' filthy meat-foods, but no one steals from me! Leave immediately, or suffer my wrath!"

"Ha! You think you can threaten me? I can't tell if I'm amused or insulted," the Queen scoffed, "Either way, such impudence cannot be allowed to stand. First Mate, deal with him!"

"Gladly, Your Majesty," Ned said with a cackle, brandishing his stinger at Zim, "Prepare to walk the plank!"

"We have a plank? Since when?" Jerry asked, cocking his head in confusion, "And what good would that even do? We're not over water. They'd just fall a few feet and hit the ground, that's not fatal."

"Shut up, Jerry! It's a metaphor for killing!" Ned snapped.

"Couldn't you just say that?" Jerry asked.

While the two descended into petty squabbling, and the Queen face-palmed in reaction, the Irkens looked to each other.

"We need to get out of here before they kill Zim!" Skoodge hissed in concern.

"More importantly, before they decide to kill us too," Tenn added.

"Hey!" Zim snapped.

"Like that wouldn't be your reaction if they were targeting one of us?" Tenn asked, giving him a deadpan look.

"…Fair point," Zim admitted with a shrug, while the bees continued to argue.

"Enough!" the Queen shouted, getting the attention of her crew, "Just dispose of them already so we can get back to the plundering!"

"Of course, Your Majesty. I apologize," Ned said with a bowed head before turning back to the Irkens, "Now-AH!"

Whatever bizarre pirate-themed threat Ned was about to say was interrupted as a plasma blast from Zim's PAK legs hit him in the thorax and sent him flying. Tenn and Skoodge, meanwhile, likewise opened fire on the bees surrounding them, scattering the crowd and giving them breathing room. Before they could do anything else, however, the bridge's doors opened and dozens of more bees started swarming in.

"Damn it, we need to get out of here before they overwhelm us just by sheer numbers!" Tenn spat, blasting one bee back only for three more to take his place.

"Quick, the viewport! We can break through it and jump!" Zim said, gesturing towards the large screen, the others quickly nodding in agreement. With Tenn covering their rear, the three ran past where the Queen was sheltering behind her throne and towards the far wall.

"Okay, but what are we supposed to break it wit-AAAHH!" Skoodge started to ask as they reached their target, only for Zim to suddenly grab him, pick him up, and charge the viewport with Skoodge held in front of himself like a battering ram. With a loud smash, the viewport shattered as they impacted it, and the two male Irkens tumbled through the resulting hole and fell to the ground below. Watching this, Tenn paused only long enough to blink in surprise, before shrugging it off and leaping out after them, landing in a crouch next to where Skoodge had slammed into the ground, Zim lying atop him.

"Quick, get inside!" Tenn shouted, as the air started to fill with the sound of angry buzzing. Zim didn't respond, merely jumping up and joining her in running towards the house, Skoodge groggily getting to his feet and running after them.

Once inside, the Irkens shut and locked the door behind them, and then retreated into the living room. Where, rather unsurprisingly, the robots were still sitting on the couch watching the dead television, though they did look away from it when the others entered the room.

"Did you have a good day at skool?" GIR asked cheerfully.

"We weren't at skool, GIR, we were… oh forget it," Zim trailed off, clearly not being in the mood to explain things to the idiotic robot.

"So what do we do now?" Skoodge asked, "I don't think they're going to just let us go."

As if cued by Skoodge's comment, the base was filled with the sound of buzzing and started shaking as multiple impacts rocked the roof and walls.

"Never fear! As always, Zim's incredible genius shall overcome any foe!" Zim crowed, "Computer! Engage defensive measures!"

…

…

…

"Hey, 'incredible genius'. You do remember the power's still out, right?" Tenn asked flatly.

"Oh. Right," Zim said, antennae flattening against his head.

CRASH

With several loud crashes, bee stingers suddenly burst through the ceiling, the windows, and several spots along the walls. As they wiggled in an attempt to make the holes bigger, Tenn cursed and ran towards the door leading to her house.

"Through here!" she shouted as she flung the door open and ran down the tunnel. Zim scooped up GIR and Minimoose and ran after her, Skoodge bringing up the rear and shutting the door behind them as he did. Emerging into Tenn's own living room and shutting the door on that side as well, Skoodge and Zim then watched as Tenn opened a panel on the wall and hit a large red button, causing the house's lights to flicker on, albeit on a lower than normal setting.

"Hey, how come you have power?" Zim demanded.

"Because unlike you, I actually thought to install an emergency backup generator in my side of the base," Tenn replied, "Unfortunately, it doesn't do much beside keep the lights on. Except, of course, for a basic defense field around the house."

THUD

ZAP

Zim and Skoodge jumped as something slammed into the tunnel door behind them and was repelled by a large electrical shock.

"Which should hold against the bees," Tenn continued, "At least long enough for us to figure out our next move."

Zim hummed and rubbed his chin as he walked over to the nearest window. Carefully parting the curtains to peer outside, he scowled as he saw several of the bees hovering outside his damaged house, but smirked as he also saw that they couldn't get too close to Tenn's house without a blue energy field flaring to life and knocking them back. But that smirk quickly slid off his face in confusion as the bees suddenly withdrew back to the hive; even with his egotistic belief that he was unstoppable, he had to acknowledge how unlikely it was they'd just give up, so where were they going?

Then the hive rotated, and a whole row of cannons were suddenly aiming at the house.

"Take cover!" Zim shouted, diving for the floor. Tenn and Skoodge instinctively followed suit, and seconds later the house started shaking under numerous strong impacts.

"The shield's being overwhelmed!" Tenn exclaimed, looking at a screen protruding from her PAK that was displaying the base, "What the hell are they hitting us with?!"

SMASH

As if in response to Tenn's question, the defense field suddenly collapsed, and several of the projectiles broke through the walls, slamming into the floor and furniture of Tenn's living room. And as they saw what those projectiles were, the Irkens could only stare in disbelief.

"Are… are those giant meatballs?" Skoodge asked, blinking at the brown spheres, each easily the size of his head.

"Eh, that kinda makes sense, I guess?" Zim commented, "I mean, they use meat for everything, so…"

"No, no, no! I am not about to be taken out by a race that uses processed meat as weaponry!" Tenn shouted, eye noticeably twitching, as several more meatballs burst through the walls, "We need to get out of here and regroup so we can counterattack!"

"Zim does not retreat!" Zim said, only to yelp as a meatball shot by his head and nearly took his antennae off, "But I will agree to a tactical withdrawal!"

Barely pausing to throw on their disguises (Tenn rolling her eyes at seeing that Skoodge's was no better than the one Zim forced on her), the Irkens burst out of the house, the robots following behind them. As they fled down the street, the hive turned and fired after them, peppering the cul-de-sac with meatballs that they kept barely managing to dodge. By the time they reached the main street, however, they realized that the attacks had started falling short, and were now no longer landing anywhere near them.

"I think we're out of range," Skoodge sighed in relief.

"Of the cannons, maybe, but not the crew," Tenn said, as Meat Bees began swarming out of the hive and flying after them.

"GIR! Defend your master from this threat!" Zim ordered his robot, who like the Irkens had grabbed his dog costume in the mad dash out of the house.

"Yes, my liege!" GIR responded with a salute. He jumped up and did a series of vaguely karate-looking moves… and then pulled a bowl of spaghetti out of nowhere, dumped it on the nearest meatball, and began messily eating the whole thing.

While Zim face-palmed, Tenn turned to Minimoose, who was calmly floating nearby.

"You're far more competent and powerful than he is," she said, "Think you can handle this instead?"

"Nyah!" Minimoose replied, floating forward and beginning to glow. His energy quickly latched onto several of the meatballs, ripping them out of the ground and launching them back through the air at the bees. Caught off guard, the bees weren't able to react in time, and started dropping from the sky as the meatballs slammed into them. Within a couple of minutes, most of the bees were down, only a half dozen left in the air.

"Ha! Looks like you're out of ammo, purple thing!" one of the bees crowed… right before a pair of cars slammed into him and the others.

"Nyah!" Minimoose squeaked smugly.

"Excellent work, Minimoose, just as I planned!" Zim said, puffing out his chest.

"Of course you did," Tenn said, not in the mood to even smack him, "But what are we going to do now? That'll only buy us a few minutes, and we still have a whole hive full of angry bee monsters sitting atop our base."

"Too bad all the resources we could use to get rid of them are in the base," Skoodge pointed out. Tenn hummed and rubbed her chin as a thought came to her.

"Well, that's not strictly true," she said after a moment, "After all, there is one other place where we can find advanced Irken tech we can use."

Skoodge blinked in confusion, while Zim's eyes widened in shock.

"No, no, absolutely not!" he yelled, "Zim refuses to sink that low!"

"Do you have better ideas?" Tenn asked, crossing her arms. Zim opened his mouth to respond, only to shut it again as clearly nothing occurred to him, leaving him to look away from her with a scowl.

"Wait, I'm lost. What are we talking about?" Skoodge asked, scratching his head.

"I'll explain on the way. Let's go," Tenn said, taking off down the street. Zim grumbled and reluctantly followed her, grabbing GIR by the collar as he did so and dragging him along, while a still-confused Skoodge and sedate Minimoose took up the rear.

Meanwhile, back aboard the hive ship, the Queen Bee fumed as she looked at all her knocked-out minions lying on the ground and watched the Irkens disappear down the street. Snarling, she turned towards where several of her bridge crew were standing around the consoles, making sure nothing was damaged.

"Have we restored enough power to be fully flight-capable again?" she demanded.

"Yes, Your Majesty," one of the bees, "Reactors are at 58 percent capacity, which is more than sufficient for a sustained flight."

"Good. Prepare for liftoff," she commanded, "We'll hunt those little green pests down and annihilate them. Then we can properly commence with plundering this world's meat. And order the gunners to switch to heavy ammunition; we will show no mercy."

"Aye, Your Majesty!" a slightly scorched Ned replied, "You heard her, lads! Prepare to leave port! Raise the anchors, trim the sails!"

"But we don't have-"

"Shut up, Jerry!"

Dib sat on one end of the couch, watching a documentary on The Stuff Network about studies into how much wood woodchucks could actually chuck, while Gaz sat at the other end, focus alternating between the Game Slave in her hands and the remaining pizza from their takeout lunch on the coffee table. Thus, both were caught by surprise when someone suddenly knocked hard on the door.

"Were you expecting a delivery or something?" Dib asked, arching an eyebrow.

"No," Gaz replied, "Go see who it is, I'm almost at a save point."

Shrugging, Dib got up and started walking towards the door. Before he got halfway, however, the door was abruptly knocked clean off its hinges, revealing Zim standing on the front porch, once again using Skoodge as a battering ram.

"Why do you keep doing this?" Tenn asked, curious but not overly concerned.

"Convenience," Zim replied as he nonchalantly dropped Skoodge before turning to the surprised Dib, "Dib-Monkey! Zim most regrettably needs to speak to you!"

"Zim! Tenn! And… uh, who are you?" Dib exclaimed, trailing off in confusion as he looked at Skoodge, who had gotten back to his feet and was rubbing his head.

"I'm Invader Skoodge," Skoodge replied with a frown, "I know we've met a couple of times before, during my previous visits to Earth."

"Oh. Right, sorry, I kinda forgot you exist," Dib admitted sheepishly.

"It's fine. I get that a lot."

"Silence! We're not here to discuss how forgettable Skoodge is!" Zim snapped.

"Oh yeah? Well why are you here?" Dib demanded, "Because if you want a rematch from earlier, I'm ready for you!"

"If you morons are going to fight, do it outside," Gaz ordered, still focused on her game, "Dad just finished having the house cleaned, and I'm not going to be the one explaining things to him if he comes home and finds it wrecked."

"We're not here to fight," Tenn said firmly, shooting a look at Zim to make clear she was speaking to him as well as Dib, "Due to a lack of other options, we need your help."

"Wait, what?" Dib asked, blinking in confusion, "What could you possibly need my help with? And why in the world would I help you?"

"Fool! If you don't help us, you'll be sorry when the bees come for your meat!" Zim exclaimed, pointing a finger dramatically at Dib's face.

"…" Dib could only stare for a moment, before turning to Tenn and Skoodge, "Is that an Irken metaphor or something?"

"No, it's an actual thing," Skoodge replied.

"That's right, we're being chased by pirate-themed space bees that want to steal all your planet's meat," Tenn added with a sigh, "And I cannot believe my life has reached a point where I can say something that bizarre with a straight face."

"And you expect me to believe that?" Dib asked, crossing his arms.

"You dare accuse Zim of lying, worm-baby?" Zim snarled, "Provide us with the aid we need against the bees, or I'll turn your oversized head inside out!"

"My head's not big!" Dib snapped back, "And just try it, you overgrown space bug!"

"Why you little-!"

"Pudding time!" Clembrane suddenly announced, emerging from the kitchen with a bowl of pudding as ever in his clutches, immediately killing the mood of the confrontation. Seeing the Irkens at the door, he cocked his head and smiled, "Ooh, son! I didn't know your little friends were coming over. Do they want pudding too?"

"Uh, I don't think so, 'dad'," Dib said, feeling awkward at the clone's abrupt intrusion into the situation.

"…The hell is this thing supposed to be?" Tenn asked, looking Clembrane up and down while Skoodge just stared.

"Eh, it's just a clone of Dib's parental unit that I made once," Zim explained with a shrug, "And a total failure too — he's completely incapable of making pudding the right way!"

"That's why you consider him a failure?" Tenn asked in disbelief, "Zim, I've seen footage of Professor Membrane, and this thing doesn't look or sound anything like him. What did you do, insert some of his DNA into a fish or something?"

"You know, I've been curious about that myself," Gaz commented, briefly glancing up from the game.

"Who cares?" Dib asked, cutting in to get the conversation back on track, "The point is, I don't know what you're up to, but there's no way I'm going to be tricked into helping you, and nothing's going to change my mind!"

SMASH

The house's front window shattered as something burst through it, flying through the air above the heads of the humans and Irkens, and slammed into Clembrane hard enough to carry the clone along with it until they crashed into the wall. Everyone — even Gaz, who actually looked fully away from her game in surprise — turned to face the impact site, and found that Clembrane had been knocked halfway through the wall, plaster and other debris collapsing on him. And splayed against him, apparently stuck to him from the impact…

"A rack of ribs?" Dib asked, blinking at the sight of a plus-sized side of meat pinning Clembrane to the new hole in the wall. He then turned towards the shattered window and glanced outside, and his jaw dropped as he saw the hive ship hovering over the street, cannons aimed at his house.

"Believe us now?" Tenn asked, as she and the other Irkens ducked for cover.

Before Dib could respond, the hive opened fire again. More ribs, steaks, entire turkeys; all this and more rained down on the Membrane house. Much of it simply splattered on impact with the structure or the surrounding yard, but plenty of it broke through the roof and walls, filling the house with piles of meat.

Aboard the hive ship's bridge, the Queen, Ned, and the other bees smirked nastily as they looked down at the damage they had wrought.

"Hold fire!" Ned ordered. As the cannons fell silent, he turned to the Queen, his mandibles clicking excitedly as he said, "There's no way those bilge rats survived that sort of bombardment, Your Majesty."

"Oh, is that right?" the Queen asked dryly, pointing to a console screen depicting a view of the house. It zoomed in, and clearly showed the Irkens emerging unharmed from amongst the meat. Ned's wings buzzed angrily at this.

"Grr, switch ammunition!" he barked, "Give them a taste of the chain-shot!"

While the bees switched ammunition, Dib dug his way out of the small mountain of meat that had accumulated in his living room. Spitting out a chicken leg that had ended up in his mouth, he looked around and saw the Irkens standing nearby, Tenn watching impassively as Skoodge attempted to pry loose a lamp chop that had hit and fused to Zim's head during the barrage, Zim grumbling obscenities as he did so. GIR sat nearby under a floating Minimoose, chewing on a steak he'd apparently pulled from a pile. And Gaz… was still sitting in the same spot on the couch, still focusing on her game and seemingly unperturbed by how her home had just been wrecked and covered in meat.

"Filthy bees, filthy meat, filthy-OW!" Zim shrieked as Skoodge successfully pulled the chop free.

"Maybe now you'll be willing to actually listen and help us?" Tenn asked Dib.

"Only because you made it my problem by coming here," Dib replied with a scowl, "Now, how are we supposed to fight that thing?"

"Well, we need-"

"Incoming!" Skoodge shouted, as the hive's cannons fired again, this time discharging pairs of meatballs connected by links of sausages. The conjoined meatballs spun through the air towards the house, crashing through the already damaged walls and ceiling and wrecking them further, while Dib and the Irkens jumped and dived to try and dodge as best as they could. Tenn, seeing one set heading towards her, slashed through the sausage link with her PAK legs, sending the meatballs scattering away from her and sending the sausages flying everywhere… including right at Gaz, several of the sausages splattering against her face.

Dib froze in mid-step, and Tenn went pale, as they saw this.

"Oh, blitznak," Tenn said, backing away quickly, Zim doing likewise as he also saw what had happened. Skoodge, who didn't have their experience with Gaz, could only blink at their reactions, though he shuddered as the room's temperature suddenly dropped.

Gaz, for her part, also seemed to freeze when the sausages hit her face. Then, very slowly, she put her Game Slave down with one hand while the other other grabbed the meat and pulled it away, revealing her face again, which was twisting with rage as the room around her seemed to be plunged into darkness.

"Pork," she said with disgust, as she spat out a bit of one sausage that had gotten into her mouth and clenched the other sausages in her grip so hard they burst, "I hate pork!"

With a snarl, Gaz grabbed the nearest meatball and stomped over to where the front wall of the house had been almost completely knocked down. Glaring up at the hive, she waited until she saw that its cannons were repositioning to fire at her, then threw the meatball. Her aim was true, and it slammed right into the mouth of a cannon that was about to fire.

BOOM

With a thunderous clap, the cannon backfired and exploded, the blast tearing a huge hole in the side of the hive. On the bridge, the crew were all bowled over, while the Queen was knocked clean off her throne. Smoke quickly filled the room, while sirens blared from every console.

"What just happened?" the Queen demanded, as she dragged herself back into her throne.

"One of our cannons exploded," Ned replied, coughing and buzzing his wings to try and clear the smoke, "It caused a chain reaction, and-"

"Hey, does anyone else have a sudden feeling of encroaching doom?" Jerry asked, shivering in clear dread, which the rest of the bees suddenly realized that they could feel it too.

Then the smoke cleared to reveal Gaz standing on the rim of the newly-created hole in the side of the ship. She was flanked on both sides by rows of her security dolls, metallic claws aimed at the bees while their mistress gave them the mother of all death glares.

"You. Made me. Taste pork," she growled, flames seeming to appear in her eyes, "Prepare to enter a nightmare world!"

With robotic screeches, Gaz's dolls swarmed the bees, Gaz herself following right behind them. Back on the ground, Dib and the Irkens listened as the bees screamed and watched as the damaged ship jerked and shook in the air.

"Wow, she really doesn't like pork, huh?" Skoodge commented.

"Nope, she's despised it ever since that 'pig mouth' thing," Dib replied, watching as several more explosions rocked the hive.

"'Pig Mouth'?" Tenn asked, squinting an eye in confusion.

"Short version, it was this situation where she had a condition that made it so that everything she ate tasted like pork," Dib explained, wincing as he recalled that whole incident, "She hasn't been able to stand the taste ever since, since it reminds her of how she got turned into a media freak over it."

"Oh yes, Zim remembers that," Zim said with a smirk, "You were so desperate to help her that you came to me to beg for help. And instead I just laughed in your pitiful face."

"Of course you remember that part," Dib sighed, before shaking it off and asking, "So what exactly is the plan here? Because I don't know if even Gaz can deal with them all."

"Well, according to one of Zim's rants about you, you have a fully functional Spittle Runner at your disposal," Tenn said, "With our base currently out of commission, that's the most advanced piece of technology on this planet, and our only guaranteed bet to destroy that thing."

"Assuming we can get it to cooperate," Dib muttered, as he led the way out of the house and back to the surprisingly intact garage, where he tapped the Tak Ship's canopy to get it to turn on.

"What do you want no- what is HE doing here?!" the Ship shouted in rage, gesturing to Zim with one extension.

"Look, I don't like it either, but right now we're temporarily teamed up to fight some meat-obsessed pirate space bees," Dib explained, before blinking and turning to Tenn, "Wow, you're right. That does feel weird to actually say."

"Well, that certainly explains all the filthy meat my sensors are detecting," the Ship noted, before pointing to Tenn, "Hey, aren't you the Invader who was assigned to Meekrob? What are you doing on this dump of a planet, and why are you standing here with that moron?"

"My mission failed due to an accident, the Tallest exiled me for it, and now I'm helping Zim conquer Earth as a way to prove myself," Tenn said quickly, not feeling like having to rehash this whole story yet again, "Now, can we focus on using you to destroy these things before they destroy us?"

"Hmm, but if you're all destroyed, I don't have to deal with you anymore," the Ship mused.

"Yeah, but what's to stop them from destroying you just for being in close proximity to us?" Skoodge pointed out.

"…Fair point," the Ship admitted, "Fine, whatever. What do you need?"

"Firepower, and a lot of it, enough to blast that ship of theirs out of the sky," Tenn replied.

"Much as I'd like to do that, I'm afraid my weapon systems aren't operational," the Ship replied, "They haven't worked ever since one of the more recent times this big-headed Earth monkey crashed me, and he hasn't managed to fix them yet."

"Tch, typical pitiful human engineering skills," Zim scoffed. Dib scowled and looked ready to pick a fight, so Tenn stepped in to keep the conversation on track.

"Could you bypass the damage with an emergency PAK interface?" she asked the Ship.

"A what?" Dib asked.

"It's when an Irken ties their PAK directly into a computer mainframe to boost processing power, memory files, or in this case weapons systems," Zim explained. Seeing the surprised expression on Tenn's face, he shrugged, "What? I used to be a scientist, I know how this stuff works."

"Yes, that could definitely work, though it'd be excruciating for the Irken in question," the Ship noted, "Which is why normally I'd happily do it to Zim, but I don't want his faulty PAK causing my hard drive to crash."

"Curse you, ship! You dare insult Zim?!" Zim snapped.

"Yes," the Ship replied bluntly, "Anyway, with him not an option, it'll have to be one of these other two… ah, fat one, thank you for volunteering!"

"Wait, what?" Skoodge said. Turning, he saw that Tenn had taken several large steps backwards to make it look like he had stepped forward.

"Sorry, but better you than me," she said with a shrug. Before Skoodge could respond, several cables shot out of the Tak Ship and forcibly attached to his PAK, lifting him into the air with a yelp.

"This will take a few minutes to properly calibrate," the Ship said, "If it's any comfort, this should only hurt a lot."

"How is that that supposed to be com-GAHAAAA!" Skoodge started to ask, only to start yelling in pain as electricity surged through him, the Ship getting to work on the process.

Aboard the hive ship, Gaz stood among the debris and chaos of the now throughly wrecked bridge. Her hair was ruffled, her clothes were slightly torn in a few spots, she was splattered with the bees' ichor blood, and in one hand she was holding the severed stinger she'd torn out of one bee and was now using as a makeshift sword. Looking around, she saw dozens of injured and knocked-out bees across the room, with several of her dolls likewise lying damaged and inert.

"Great. Fixing those is really going to eat into my game budget," she muttered to herself.

"You little wretch!" a bloody Ned snarled as he flew across the room towards her, arching back to stab at her with his stinger. Barely turning to face him, Gaz lifted her stolen stinger to block his. The two quickly fell into a series of strikes and parries, Ned lashing out in a fury while Gaz stayed cool and composed the entire time. Eventually getting tired of this, Gaz shoved Ned back to give herself room, then unleashed a flurry of slashes which didn't immediately appear to have had any effect.

"Ha! Missed me, poppet," Ned sneered… right before his stinger, wings, and all six limbs fell off, all having been cut clean through. Ned, now reduced to an abdomen and a head, promptly fell to the floor and was left blinking up at her; he didn't even have a chance to process this before she kicked him in the face hard enough to send him flying out of the ship.

"Loser," she snorted. She turned back to the interior of the ship, ready to continue her rampage, only for a high-powered stream of some kind of fluid to slam into her, knocking her against a wall and then leaving her stuck there as it suddenly hardened. Blinking in disorientation, she looked down to see what was restraining her.

"Is this barbecue sauce?" she asked incredulously as she took in the red-brown, semi-solidified mass.

"Indeed it is," the Queen said as she approached, a fire extinguisher-like device in her grip, sauce still dripping from the end of its nozzle, "We usually use it as an emergency adherent to patch up damage to the ship, but it seems to be useful for this situation too."

"You know, this is just giving me more of a reason to destroy you," Gaz growled as she flexed against the sauce in an attempt to break free.

"And what makes you think you'll have a chance?" the Queen sneered, rearing back to prepare to stab Gaz with her stinger-

ZAP

-only for an energy blast to hit her and send her flying. Arching an eyebrow at that, Gaz turned to the attack's source and found Minimoose floating nearby.

"Nyah!"

"I didn't need the help," Gaz grumbled, annoyed at needing to be rescued.

"Nyah!"

"They're going to what?" she asked, "Fine, I'll complain about this some other time. Get me outta here."

"Nyah!" Minimoose complied, discharging a milder blast to shatter enough of the barbecue sauce to allow Gaz to break free of the rest. Getting to her feet, she whistled sharply to catch the attention of her remaining dolls and gave a few quick hand signals; the dolls obeyed, picking up the remains of their damaged comrades and then jumping out of the ship to land safely on the Membranes' lawn. Gaz herself, meanwhile, hopped atop Minimoose and let him carry her down to the ground, where a slightly anxious-looking Dib was waiting for her.

"You alright?" he asked, as she got off of Minimoose.

"Nothing a shower and some mouthwash can't fix," she replied, looking over to where the Irkens were gathered around Tak's Ship. Skoodge looked half-dead where he was being suspended above the Ship, while Tenn had her arms crossed in annoyance and Zim was scowling at them.

"There, my incredible minion has retrieved your terrifying sibling, Dib-Stink," Zim sneered, "Now will you stop trying to delay us blowing up these disgusting bees?!"

"Yeah, do it!" Dib said.

"Preparing to fire!" the Ship announced, Skoodge yelping in fresh pain as more electricity channeled through his PAK. Several plasma cannons popped out along the length of the Ship, which aimed at the hive and started gathering energy for an attack. Onboard the hive, the Queen stumbled to the hole in the side and looked out in time to see this.

"Oh, beeswax," she muttered, right before the cannons fired repeatedly, flinging hundreds of bolts of concentrated plasma at the hive, rapidly tearing through it until they hit the hive's power core.

BOOM

With a flash of light, the hive disintegrated in a massive explosion, most of it being disintegrated, and what little wasn't being reduced to hunks of flaming debris that rained down on the street. Dib stared in awe at this, while Gaz remained impassive, Tenn smirked triumphantly, and Zim cackled.

"And that's what you get for daring to attack Zim, fools!" he yelled at the ashes that had started to settle on the area.

"You didn't do anything," Tenn pointed out, "Coming here was my idea!"

"Yes, but you only knew Dib had the ship because I told you about it, therefore I get the credit for any ideas coming from that knowledge!" Zim stated. Tenn stared at him for a moment, before sighing and pinching the space between her eyes.

"I feel your pain, having to deal with such stupidity on a regular basis," the Ship commented.

"Hey!" Dib snapped.

"Look, are you all done here?" Gaz asked, rolling her eyes, "I have better things to do than listen to you all trade insults."

"Yes, fine, we're done," Tenn said, "The hive is destroyed, the bees were presumably all killed with it, no one on our side was hurt…"

At that exact moment, the Ship unplugged itself from the now thoroughly-charred Skoodge and dumped him on the ground. Tenn looked at his moaning form awkwardly for a moment, then shrugged.

"Well, almost no one," she amended, "I'd call this a job done and completed to satisfaction."

"Good, then all of you get off of my property! …What's left of it," Dib said, trailing off into a mutter at that last bit as he glanced at his wrecked house and yard.

"Gladly. You humans disgust Zim more than the meat does!" Zim exclaimed, before stomping away from the garage, Tenn silently following at a more calm pace, while Minimoose levitated Skoodge and brought up the rear. As the group walked past the house, Zim paused only long enough to call out for GIR before continuing to walk away; the robot in question came running out of the house, carrying a small mountain of meat in his arms.

"Bye Big Head! Bye Scary Lady!" GIR called out, waving to Dib and Gaz.

"My head's not big!" Dib yelled back, glaring at the group as they disappeared down the street, before turning to the Tak Ship and asking, "I don't have to worry about you teaming up with Tenn behind my back, do I? You seemed pretty chummy with her for a moment there."

"What, and work with Zim on a regular basis as a side effect?" the Ship sneered, "No thanks, I still have some dignity left. Not much, after all this time stuck with you, but some."

Rolling his eyes at the casual insult, Dib walked back towards the house with Gaz. Reaching the wrecked structure, they looked through one of the holes in the wall and peered inside, seeing the mounds of meat filling the living room… and also piles of pudding, as Clembrane had recovered at some point and was wondering around, coating all the meat with liberal amounts of the chocolate goo.

"…Wanna just blame him for the mess when Dad gets home?" Gaz asked.

"Ethically, I know I should say no, but I just know that Dad will blame me if we try to tell him the truth," Dib said with a sigh.

With that, the siblings went into the house to clean up as best as they could, both determined to put this very strange experience behind them.

Returning to their base, the Irkens were relieved to see it fully online and functional again, robotic arms working to repair the damage from the bees' attack. Entering Zim's house, with Minimoose depositing an already mostly-healed Skoodge on the couch, Zim and Tenn looked around and saw that virtually all the interior damage had been repaired already.

"Computer, am I to assume that we are fully operational again?" Zim asked.

"Yes, master," the Computer replied, "Power is restored to near-total levels, and the majority of damage from the attack has been repaired."

"Good. Then with this huge waste of time of a distraction out of the way, we can get back to what we doing beforehand," Tenn said. Seeing the blank looks she got in return, she rolled her eyes and clarified, "I mean the supply exchange, idiots."

"Oh, right. I kinda forgot about that with everything else that happened," Skoodge admitted, wincing as his skin finished healing, "We should probably get that done now that-"

"Not so fast, bottom-feeders!"

"Now what?" Tenn groaned at the sudden intrusion. She and the others turned to face the source of the voice, and were greeted by the sight of Ned, now sporting peg legs on the stubs of his lowermost two limbs, hooks on the upper four, an eyepatch covering the eye Gaz had hit when she'd kicked him, and a metal harpoon in place of his severed stinger.

"Where'd you get all that stuff?" Skoodge asked, arching an antenna.

"Never you mind that!" Ned snarled, "All you should care about is that the fact that I'm about to kill you all to avenge my Queen, and then I'll take all this world's meat for myself!"

The Irkens stared blankly at him for a moment after that declaration, then exchanged looks.

"Well, I've had enough of this nonsense," Tenn said flatly, "Zim, you want to do the honors?"

"Gladly. Computer, engage defensive measures," Zim ordered with a smirk. In response to that command, several mechanical limbs holding a variety of weapons — blasters, buzzsaws, flamethrowers, spikes, taser prongs, and for some reason a toaster — descended from the ceiling to completely surround Ned.

"Er… parlay?" Ned asked nervously.

Zap

Boom

Sizzle

Szzkkt

The house was briefly lit up enough to be visible from outside as all the weapons unloaded all at once. When the resulting smoke cleared, Ned was shown to have been burned to a crisp. Frowning, Zim pulled out his squidgyblit and marched over to Ned, jumping up to whack him on the head with it and causing the bee to burst into ash.

"See? All an Invader needs is his squidgyblit!" Zim reiterated his earlier point.

"Yeah, but I still think you guys made a pretty good team during all this, Zim providing the tech and Tenn having the planning skills," Skoodge commented with a shrug, "Just saying."

"Whatever," Tenn said, shaking her head, "Let's just go deal with the supplies."

The Irkens then descended into the depths of the base to organize the exchange of supplies, in the process ignoring both the Computer sweeping up the ashen remains of the pirate space bee and GIR sitting on the couch and helping himself to all his pilfered meat.

All-in-all, a pretty normal end for a day in Zim's base.