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It wasn’t like him to stray away from the light, but ever since he witnessed his mother’s pain-engraved face, Daisuke realized he was already shrouded in darkness from the start.
“How much?” Daisuke hates that phrase with all his life, yet he kept saying it. Honestly, what’s the point? Money was the only thing running in his life, anyway.
It surrounded him—his wealth. Women and men from anywhere would come to him. The glittery gold, ivory marble floor of his mansion were the things he sees when he wakes up after another, damned one-night stand. The harsh taste of alcohol became familiar in his throat.
Diamonds dripped everywhere he went. Different shades of red lipstick coated his neck. His body dipped in all the vices he could think of.
And everything still feels so... fucking plain.
Even the light from the grand chandelier didn’t feel warm or soft when it rained down on them—he and Mr. Will—a drug dealer, across the table of his palatial living room.
“For an ounce... a hundred and twenty dollars,” a gruff voice replies, and the silver case’s thud when it meets the table resonates in the deadly silent room. Mr. Will puts his brown elbow on top of it, his chin resting on his gloved hand as he smiles. The smile of a devil. “Make it ten, you have twelve hundred.”
The man at the opposite side reeked of worthlessness. Daisuke could only gag at it.
He doesn’t smell any different, though.
“Here,” Daisuke taps his ear stud. “HEUSC, transfer ten thousand dollars to Will.”
“ Affirmative,” HEUSC says.
Will snickers, leaning to the soft, red velvet chair as he eyes Daisuke's blank face. “You serious, dude? Ten grand?”
“I don’t care. Just give it to me.” Daisuke demands, his impatience told by uncaring, dark eyes.
“Sure, don’t get mad, bro. Chill.” Will pushed the case across the table. “There ya go, Mr. Kambe.”
He hates how he says his name. It sounds wrong.
Nevertheless, Daisuke takes the case and opens it effortlessly, revealing the cannabis he ordered, packed in plastic.
“Not even a thank you?” Will flashes a lazy smile. “I suppose we’ll be continuing this until you leave for Japan?”
“That’s none of your business.” Daisuke glares at him. “Get out of my manor.”
“Sure, your majesty." And with that, the bastard made his way out. His tone was always fucking irritating. God, if only Daisuke didn't have to work with this man. He knows he can replace him, but he was a family friend. A close one, to be exact.
And secrets are better kept with close friends.
Carrying the case, Daisuke heads towards his room, but he stops by a huge window to see Will’s car exit the gates.
The case felt so heavy in his leather-coated hand. The footsteps he took as he walks, echoed along fortune-etched, lonely walls.
Nothing new.
Grief does not change you. It reveals you, says someone. Daisuke couldn't remember where he read that quote but he thinks that it's applicable to his situation right now.
On his balcony, Daisuke takes out a lighter, overlooking the London night sky. The rolled joint in his mouth joins the small fire covered by Daisuke’s hand. It lights up, white smoke swirling against the black and blue.
He inhales the pain-numbing fumes before he takes the drug out of his mouth to let it escape.
It still felt the same. The effects of it weren’t surprising anymore, given that he had been doing this for almost a month.
Did it change anything?
No.
But the pain stills. And that was enough.
Because as much as Daisuke hated the vile taste of money, it was the only thing he has left.
As he sits down, he lets the smoke consume his mind and take control—fly to the moon for a night before he crashes back to Earth, the next.
It was better that way, after all...
❒❒❒
“—suke.” A voice calls. “Daisuke! ”
“Daisuke, I told you not to smoke!” Haru takes the cigar out of Daisuke’s mouth, catching him off-guard. “This is unhealthy. Geez, how many times do I have to tell you?”
Daisuke blinks, pulling out from his ride from memory lane when he sees Haru walking towards a bin in their bedroom. “Haru?”
Haru climbs back to the bed, beside Daisuke. “You’re spacing out again.” His eyes grow worried, and a hand goes to Daisuke’s cheek, caressing it as if Daisuke’s the most important thing in Haru’s life.
Daisuke smiles at the touch, holding Haru’s hand, and presses a kiss on the knuckles. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Haru reassures, gently. He cranes his neck to kiss Daisuke’s forehead. “How about you? Are you alright? You seem so lost.”
“It’s...” Daisuke pauses. “I just remembered something.”
“Okay...” Haru murmurs, embracing Daisuke’s body, enveloping it with the warmth Daisuke craved for. “We’re in this together, yeah? You can tell me anything.”
Daisuke takes his time. Haru waits patiently.
“It was back in London... I used to smoke.” Daisuke snuggles his head onto Haru’s shoulder. “Cannabis.”
"Go on.” Daisuke looks for anything that would say that Haru was judging him, however, he finds nothing. When he lifts his head, Haru’s eyes were still the same—soft and understanding, peering at him like what he said wasn’t even wrong. It eased his fear, a little.
“I got into one-night stands. I drank. Used drugs.” Daisuke scoffs, bitter. “I don’t want it to happen again.”
Haru nods, eyes full of understanding.
“My life back then was so... bland. Nothing mattered to me and I was smoking, hoping that I would just, somehow, end up dead.” Daisuke’s voice becomes vulnerable. He begins to grip Haru’s back. “It scared me, Haru. I felt like a monster.”
Haru cards a hand, treading through Daisuke’s hair, massaging the crown of his head. “... Can I say something?”
Daisuke nods.
“You were out of it, Daisuke,” Haru reminds. “It’s not like you wanted it to happen. It’s human nature. To do the things that would help ease the pain.”
“Grief does not change you. It reveals you. But love does both, Daisuke,” Haru quotes. “I read that quote and I think you might need it.”
“Look at you.” Haru takes Daisuke’s face—his whole world—in his hands. “You changed. You began to smile. You began to learn that there are things in this world that matter more than money. You were kind from the start. You learned to love properly. And that’s why I began to love you.” He says. “Money also does much. But love? Love does everything.” Haru’s fond smile made Daisuke do the same, the pain fading only to be replaced with euphoria flooding in. "You have me now."
Daisuke can't believe how he got a gem like Haru. The one he can't even afford. But Haru was right there, breathing, keeping that same smile he had since the first day they started dating. It's as if all his wrongs led to him.
Haru was here, and that was more than enough.
Daisuke pulls Haru’s head, capturing his lips, the gratitude and utter love he has, made evident in the quiet seconds that passed by. “I owe my life to you.”
“Silly.” Haru grins. “I love you too, Daisuke.”