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He was lost in thought as he walked, trying to figure out where he should spend the night. Sasuke had left Konoha only a couple of hours ago, and it felt weird to have time for himself, to have time to think things through. To feeling lonely while actually being alone and not surrounded by people.

So much had happened over the last four years, and he didn’t comprehend most of them yet. For the ones he did comprehend, he could only feel guilt, and hate towards himself, and more guilt. He was slowly starting to come to terms with everything he had done, and leaving Konoha was a selfish act, but it was something he needed to do.

Maybe by leaving he would be able to find a way to compensate for what he had done, and perhaps he could finally get some peace, even though he wasn’t sure he deserved that. 

He had been too distracted by his own thoughts, too overwhelmed by them, and by the time he felt another person’s chakra it was too late to react, to go hide. When he understood whose chakra was it, he knew he was fucked.

“Where do you think you’re going?!” Naruto said, his voice loud. This wasn’t his usual loud though. This time he was yelling at him. “I can’t believe you’re leaving again! You finally came back and then you leave again without even saying goodbye?!” Naruto kept talking, way too rowdy and way too quickly. Sasuke stared at him for a few seconds as the boy was trying to catch his breath.

“Leave me alone, moron.” Sasuke tried to sound annoyed, but it came out more strangled than he had hoped to. He turned around and just kept walking, not wanting to admit how remorseful he felt every time he looked at him. Naruto stayed quiet for a second, as if he were trying to decide what to do.

And apparently, Naruto wasn’t giving up. He never did, after all. And Sasuke would be naïve to think Naruto would actually listen to him, turn around and go back to Konoha. All Sasuke wanted was for Naruto to finally move on so he could stop causing him any pain and suffering – he couldn’t do that, however, if Naruto didn’t cooperate. And starting to walk right by his side was definitely not cooperating.

“So, where are we going?” Naruto asked casually, his only hand pressed against the back of his neck as he walked, a not-so-innocent smile on his face.

“You’re going back to Konoha. I’m heading North,” Sasuke said and just kept walking.

“We are heading North,” Naruto corrected him. “You’ve gone mad in that cell or something if you think I’m letting you go right after I got you back. So, you either come back to Konoha with me, or I’m going with you. Even if you don’t want to,” he explained with a very monotone voice, as if he were talking about the most boring thing in the whole world. But Sasuke knew him too well, and he was aware he was trying to hide how confident, how sure he was Sasuke wouldn’t actually stop him from going with him.

Sasuke just stayed quiet for a few moments as he kept on walking, trying to decide what was the best option. He wondered if he could force Naruto go back, but one glance at him and he knew at once was a lost cause. He had always been too stubborn, anyway. And Sasuke wasn’t able to say no to him anymore.

“I could fight you,” Sasuke tried, even though he didn’t truly mean it. He had had enough fights with Naruto for a lifetime.

“Didn’t end up very well for you last time,” Naruto immediately replied, teasingly, with a confident smirk on his face. Sasuke suddenly wanted to punch him for real.

Instead of replying right away, of starting to bicker with him, Sasuke just shook his head. Deep down, he knew he wouldn’t really mind the company of his best friend. It’s not like he hadn’t thought of asking him to come along a few times, only to conclude that Naruto didn’t care so much as to leave the village again for him.

But apparently, he did.  

It could be a good thing if Naruto came with him. Naruto was practically a ball of sunshine, after all. Maybe it would be a good way to start seeing things in a different light – or better, to finally start seeing things with some light.

“If you truly want to tag along…” Sasuke started, before Naruto was interrupting him with a loud “yes!”. He sighed, as if he were annoyed, but he was hiding a smile. “If you truly want to tag along, there’s one rule,” Sasuke said, and waited a few seconds for Naruto to complain. But he didn’t. He just looked at Sasuke, his blue eyes soft and full of hope. Sasuke had to look away. “I want peace and quiet. The moment you start disturbing that, I’m sending your ass back to Konoha. Am I clear?”

“No talking, ever?” Naruto said, and he actually whined.

It reminded Sasuke of that annoying 13-year-old boy again. The one he had left in the Valley of the End all those years ago, the one that had stayed his friend after all, to the point of losing his arm to try and save him.

Sasuke did not want to linger on that thought for long.

“Ever,” Sasuke said and smirked a bit. He hadn’t meant it that way, but the chance to see Naruto struggling with keeping quiet was a very entertaining idea, and Sasuke wouldn’t miss it for the world. Naruto seemed to consider his options, humming to make it more dramatic, probably on purpose. The idiot.

“Okay then. I’ll be quiet,” he ended up saying. Sasuke expected a complaint, he expected Naruto to put on a fight, to try and bargain. Sasuke hadn’t expected him to comply to that stupid rule so quickly.

But Naruto kept walking silently next to Sasuke, very determined to not let go of him.

—〇 ☽—

Sasuke knew Naruto wouldn’t actually be able to stay quiet for that long. It didn’t matter how hard the boy tried, how many times he opened his mouth to talk, and how many times he would close it without emitting a sound after remembering he was supposed to be silent.

Sasuke knew Naruto was destined to end up talking.

“I’m starving,” Naruto eventually whined, his stomach growling in agreement.

Sasuke let out a soft laugh, an honest laugh, because it was ridiculous. Naruto was ridiculous. Naruto looked at him, seeming confused, as if he hadn’t heard him laugh for a long time. He probably hadn’t.

“You’re an idiot,” Sasuke said, the remains of his laughter still plastered on his face. “It’s not even been an hour.”

“Shit,” Naruto mumbled, biting his bottom lip as he suddenly realised. He actually seemed scared Sasuke was going to force him to go back, and Sasuke frowned a bit to himself because he hadn’t wanted to make him worry again about that. “I’m so sorry. I promise I won’t… I’m just… I really didn’t mean to bother-”

“Let’s get some food in the nearest village,” Sasuke offered, interrupting his nervous rambling. Naruto seemed relieved to see Sasuke wasn’t upset at him, and the smile returned to his face.

Not long afterwards, they encountered a small village. They found a place to stay the night, and then Naruto practically dragged Sasuke to the nearest restaurant. As always, he ordered too much food, and there was no doubt in Sasuke’s mind he would finish it all.

“I think I’ve been here before,” Naruto said suddenly, after they had eaten in comfortable silence. Somehow his voice getting a bit quieter, sadder. That made Sasuke listen intently. “With Ero-sennin. He was… doing some research for his new novel, according to him,” he added, sighing a bit.

Sasuke didn’t say anything because he didn’t think there was anything he could say. After all, his own relationship with Orochimaru had been way too different, and he wasn’t sure he would understand Naruto’s relationship with Jiraiya.

“You would’ve hated him. Too loud and obnoxious for you.” Naruto said when Sasuke remained quiet. There was a big smile on his face, and Sasuke knew it was fake immediately. He hated it.

“I deal with you pretty fine,” Sasuke stated, shrugging his shoulders teasingly, trying to distract Naruto from all the sad thoughts Sasuke has sure he was having. Naruto looked at him, confused for a second, before he realised what Sasuke was implying.

“I am not loud and obnoxious!”

Sasuke shrugged again, hiding his smile by drinking some water. It was weird, how natural this felt. It didn’t seem like he had left all those years ago, like he had caused all of that pain to Naruto. He wondered how their relationship would’ve developed if he had stayed, if he hadn’t tried so hard to break his bond with him.

“How long do you intend to… be away?” Naruto asked after a few minutes in silence, starting to play with his chopsticks around his dish.

“I don’t know,” Sasuke admitted, leaning back on his chair. “I don’t think I should come back at all.”

That caused Naruto to frown. Sasuke watched him closely– it seemed Naruto’s face still reflected every single thing the boy felt. He remembered teasing him with Sakura to no end for it one day, to Kakashi’s amusement. That was back on the day when he had felt like he could actually lean on his teammates, feel something apart from hate.  

“Why not? Why do you still feel the need to run away and not come back?” Naruto inquired, raising his voice.

“It’s not that,” Sasuke quickly defended himself. “I’m the last Uchiha alive. I have a Sharingan, and a Rinnegan. You’re not that innocent to believe no one would come after that.”

Sasuke knew he wouldn’t be able to deal with it if anyone else got hurt because of him. The guilt would eat him alive.

“But-” Naruto started.

“Yes, the shinobi world is at peace,” Sasuke interrupted him, knowing what he was going to say. “I still don’t want to put Konoha… to put you… anyone in danger.”

Naruto didn’t seem convinced at that, shaking his head. Sasuke could see he was frustrated, by the way his lips were pressed together and the crease between his eyebrows.

“So, you prefer to be in danger by yourself?” Naruto said, his eyebrows moving even closer together. “Why do you feel like you need to do everything by yourself, no matter how many times we… how many times I prove the opposite?”

“I’m not by myself right now, am I? As much as I would love to have some alone time, you’re here.”

Sasuke didn’t fully mean that. He had wanted to be alone, but only to be the only one in danger. He knew Naruto was hurt because of his words, though.

However, Naruto seemed to recompose himself rather quickly.

“I’m not saying sorry for wanting to protect my best friend,” Naruto replied, suddenly smiling. “So, deal with it, asshole.”

—〇 ☽—

Sasuke woke up, breathing heavily. He could feel his hair sticking to his forehead and his neck because of the sweat, his heart drumming in his chest. He moved to sit up, trying to take in his surroundings, but he couldn’t see anything at first since his eyes weren’t used to the dark. It only helped increase his panic, and for a second his mind tricked him into thinking he was still in that cave he had hidden for so long with Orochimaru.

“Are you okay?” a familiar voice said. Sasuke jumped a bit, not having expected it all at. There were never gentle voices back there, only screams and cries for help. “Did you have a nightmare?” he asked softly.

Sasuke looked at Naruto, needing to know he was real and that he was there, needing to know he wasn’t just imagining his voice in his head. It had happened many other times, after all.

Naruto was too close because the small room didn’t really have enough space to keep more distance between them. Now Sasuke was grateful for that, even if he had found it slightly annoying at first. Naruto had sat up as well, looking at him from his futon.

“Yeah,” he said simply, moving to rub his face a bit. He didn’t see the point in lying to Naruto, not when he was so keen on being here, even though Sasuke hated admitting his weakness. “I didn’t mean to wake you up,” he added.

“I have them too,” Naruto said, shrugging. He laid down again and looked up at the ceiling of their room, getting lost in thought for a few seconds, as if he were trying to decide if it was good idea to tell Sasuke or not. “I keep seeing everyone I love hanging from that stupid tree. Sakura, Kakashi, Tsunade, Shikamaru... Even you,” Naruto explained. Whether he was trying to distract Sasuke from his own nightmare or he was trying to encourage him to talk about it, he couldn’t tell.

Sasuke took a deep breath, moving to lay back down as well, shifting so he could be on his side and look at Naruto. Even though they were both 17 now, Naruto looked older somehow. Sasuke wondered if it was because of the war, or if it was because it was the first time he had been able to properly look at him.

“Haven’t had a proper night’s sleep since… I don’t know. Probably before Ero-sennin di-you know,” Naruto said rather quietly, stopping himself from actually saying the words out loud. For a moment he looked rather upset, and Sasuke tried to find any comforting words. Naruto quickly changed his facial expression, though. He looked at Sasuke with a smile, as if nothing bad had ever happened, to any of them. It made Sasuke feel like that too, even for a split moment. “Do you want to go spar?” he said suddenly, causing Sasuke to raise an eyebrow.

“It’s the middle of the night,” Sasuke said simply.

“So? You’re awake, I’m awake. I don’t know about you, but I’ll definitely not be able to sleep again. It might be good to forget about your nightmare,” he tried.

Sasuke seemed to consider it for a bit. He hadn’t been able to move his body like that since… well, their last fight. It could be good to release some of the tension that was making his chest practically ache. He wasn’t letting Naruto know he was right though. “Fine,” he said with a long sigh, as if he were only doing it to please his friend.

Naruto saw right through his façade though, his smile widening, and Sasuke wondered when he had become an open book for the other boy. He watched him as he quickly stood up and moved to get dressed, using the same clothes he had worn the previous day.

“How stupid of you to follow me without actually packing any clean clothes, don’t you think?” Sasuke teased just for the sake of it. Naruto stopped for a second to look at him, huffing slightly.

“I went after you the moment Kakashi-sensei told me you had decided to leave! I didn’t have any time to pack,” he tried to defend himself. “I was so sure I could convince you to come back with me.”

“You didn’t really try that hard,” Sasuke pointed out.

Naruto stayed quiet at that, knowing Sasuke was right. He didn’t say anything as he kept getting dressed, and Sasuke stood up to do the same. Sasuke didn’t pressure it, knowing he had no right to demand to know Naruto’s thoughts.

Once both of them were ready, Sasuke led Naruto outside. They started walking to leave the village, knowing that if they were actually going to fight, even if it were just sparring, it would be better to not have anyone around. They both stayed quiet, and Sasuke felt uneasy, thinking he had done something wrong to upset Naruto.

“I wanted to get away, I guess,” Naruto said after a while, as if it hadn’t been almost thirty minutes since they last talked about it. “They wanted me to study to become a jōnin,” he said with a whine before letting out a laugh. Sasuke immediately knew it was an excuse, or at least not the whole truth, but he didn’t push it.

“Never been the smartest kid around, huh?” Sasuke tried to joke, but he realised it sounded more condescending that he had intended to.

“Kanji is very hard to read!” Naruto huffed, not seeming offended at all by his words. Sasuke wondered if he had always been such an asshole to Naruto, and if Naruto had always let it go as easily as that. “Plus, I don’t care what kind of plant grows better in Sunagakure or why did the daimyō of some land started a war a million years ago,” he groaned. Sasuke watched Naruto with an amused smile.

“And you want to be Hokage?” he scoffed.

“I can be a Hokage without knowing all of those stupid facts,” Naruto quickly defended himself.

“You definitely won’t learn just that, though. You would be learning many other things, like… you would get a better understanding of how chakra works,” Sasuke tried to encourage him, but it only made Naruto pout. “Fine, fine. What about politics, diplomacy, laws for different lands… all that? You’ll need to learn that kind of thing to be a Hokage.”

“That’s what you will be there for! You’re the smartass here. You can learn all that stuff and be right next to me to keep me from making an idiot of myself,” Naruto grinned as he looked at him. Sasuke couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“I’m sorry, Naruto, but that’s impossible. No matter how hard I would try, you are an idiot. Nothing can be done about that.”

Naruto punched his shoulder jokingly with a loud whine, and Sasuke’s chest felt very light, his nightmare completely forgotten now.

—〇 ☽—

They had been travelling for over three months now, and Sasuke doubted he had ever felt as good, as happy as he was feeling at the moment. Naruto and he walked with no destination in mind, just enjoying each other’s company. Sometimes they would be quiet, sometimes they’d bicker, and some others would talk for hours about nothing and everything. It was a nice change to what he was used to with Orochimaru, or later on.

Along the way, they helped some people. It didn’t matter if it were to rebuild some house that had been destroyed during a storm, protect some merchants from the bandits, help an old man with his farming or just help a lost kid find her parents in a big village. Sometimes, they would get paid, which allowed them to continue on the road (bless Naruto and how careful he usually was with money).

For once, Sasuke felt he was doing something nice for people, instead of just focusing on himself and his own selfish reasons. However, he would usually feel bad for feeling good about it. Wasn’t this just as selfish, though? Was he only doing it to feel good, to redeem himself?

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Naruto said, after one day Sasuke had finally voiced his feelings about the issue. “You’re still doing something good and making a change in their lives, even if it’s small. You’re allowed to feel good about it,” he explained and smiled at him, obviously trying to comfort him.

Sasuke didn’t really worry about it anymore, after that.

It was nice, getting to know this Naruto. Years ago, before he got so blinded by hate that he didn’t care about anything but power anymore, he had been able to start knowing him properly as a teammate, and as a friend. That had been a long time ago, though, and Naruto wasn’t really the same person anymore. He had been through so much, lost so much, and it all had made him grow.

They had fallen into quite a good dynamic. They started to learn when the other needed space, and they learned the best way to do that: Sasuke liked to be completely left alone (only for a couple of hours, though) while Naruto was content with just staying quiet for some time. They learned to read into each other’s moods, too, so Naruto knew when it was best to just… not talk to Sasuke, unless he wanted to be yelled at (it had only happened once, after a very rough, exhausting day; no one could blame Sasuke for it). Sasuke, on the other hand, knew when Naruto needed someone that would listen to him when he had too many anxious thoughts, someone that wouldn’t judge.

Naruto knew to never ask about Sasuke’s past, too. He had been curious at first, wondering what he had done during the time he had been with Orochimaru. Sasuke couldn’t tell him, though, not if he wanted Naruto to not hate him for the rest of their lives.

The worst part about this whole trip was the nightmares. Naruto seemed to stop getting his rather soon, as proved by his loud snores and how he talked in his sleep about ramen, frogs and something about Kurama being too funny when he was in a good mood. Sasuke didn’t forget about his that quickly though. It was something different every night, but they always left him with a heavy feeling on his chest, having trouble with properly breathing, to remember where he was after he woke up.

Naruto was always there to remind him, though. They always placed their futons as far from the other as the room allowed them to, trying to respect the other’s space. However, one day Naruto placed his futon a bit closer to Sasuke’s. It was only a couple of inches, and it could’ve perfectly been an accident. It stopped being a casualty when he kept moving it closer every night, until there was practically no distance separating them. Sasuke didn’t say anything about it, pretending he never noticed.

He didn’t understand why he was doing it until one night, after he had woken up from his usual nightmare, cursing under his breath. He looked at Naruto to see if he had woken him up, as he seemed to do every time with his nightmares. Naruto had half of his face buried in the pillow, as if he were too tired to actually move, but he was using his only visible eye to look at him. And suddenly, Sasuke felt a hand on his, squeezing it gently.

He suddenly felt more grounded, his breathing slowly starting to even because of that. He didn’t know if it was only for the feeling of someone else’s skin, or if the electricity it caused was a reason too.

“We really should start sleeping in separate rooms,” Sasuke managed to say after a few minutes in silence. He hadn’t been able to move or look away from Naruto’s face, too scared it would make Naruto’s hand go away. But Naruto still had locked their fingers together, and at some point he had started rubbing small patterns with his thumb on the back of Sasuke’s hand. It was way more comforting than he had ever expected it to.

“Why?” Naruto asked calmly, his voice a bit hoarse after not using it for so long.

“I keep waking you up. You need to rest properly,” he said.

Sasuke definitely didn’t want Naruto sleeping somewhere else, but he didn’t want to be that selfish.

“Nah,” was the answer Naruto offered. “I rest just fine.”

Sasuke opened his mouth to say something, to insist, but Naruto closed his eyes instead. Only a few seconds later, he was snoring again, holding Sasuke’s hand still. Sasuke fell asleep after a while, a dreamless sleep.

—〇 ☽—

Naruto had been his best friend for so long, but he had never felt as close to him as he was at this point. Their bond was stronger than ever, and Sasuke could feel his walls starting to slowly disappear, stone block after stone block. It was scary, really.

That night they had decided to stay out in the woods, because they couldn’t care to find a village or a house to sleep. Sasuke had lit up the fire while Naruto set up some traps around them, because he was obsessed with making sure they’d be safe. He eventually came back, sitting right next to Sasuke. It was starting to become a habit of his, to sit just as close as he could to him, as if he couldn’t be comfortable unless his shoulder wasn’t against Sasuke’s.

Sasuke wasn’t bothered.

“It’s been seven months,” Naruto said, looking up at the sky – or at least the little he could see between the branches of the trees. Sasuke just hummed in agreement. “Do you miss home?”

Sasuke thought for a moment, looking at Naruto. He tried to not get distracted by the way the dim light of the fire would light up different part of Naruto’s face each passing second, depending on the motion of the flames. He looked calmed, and it was something that always left Sasuke feeling calmed, too.

“I don’t have a home, Naruto,” he said eventually. He wasn’t trying to be dramatic, as Naruto had joked once – he hadn’t had a home since he was 8, and he doubted he could find a home back in Konoha, or anywhere.

Naruto still didn’t look at him, trying to think of a good response to that. He closed his eyes to help his thinking, and Sasuke couldn’t take his eyes off his face.

“Did you feel at home with… him?” Naruto eventually asked. Sasuke was taken aback by that question, and he couldn’t help but laugh at it. It caused Naruto to look at him, cocking his head slightly in confusion.

“Are you really asking me if I thought that shithole was home?” Sasuke asked back. Naruto didn’t speak, but he could see in his eyes just how badly he wanted him to keep talking. Sasuke wasn’t that ready to comply. “Not really, Naruto.”

“Why not?” he asked curiously. “You spent three years of your life there, you surely had to feel comfortable.” Sasuke laughed again because it sounded ridiculous.

“I didn’t. I was there to get stronger, to become powerful, not to be comfortable,” Sasuke said. “The place itself wasn’t great. Too dark and too humid for my liking,” he tried to joke, but Naruto nodded in agreement.

“It smelled terrible, too,” Naruto added with a weak laugh. “Like someone died, or something.”

Sasuke got quiet at that, deciding it was his turn to look up at the night sky. He could feel Naruto’s eyes on him.

“Orochimaru wasn’t the best person,” Naruto said when the realisation hit him, as if he hadn’t been the most obvious thing in the world. “I guess that goes without saying, though,” he kept on talking, and he actually seemed nervous. “I know you don’t really want to talk about it, but-”

“You’re right, Naruto. I don’t want to talk about it,” Sasuke interrupted him. Naruto fell quiet at that, and Sasuke knew he was frowning.

Sasuke sighed, giving in.

“You’re allowed one question. That’s all.”

“Will you tell me everything about those three years?” Naruto said, trying to be clever. Sasuke huffed at that, moving to push his shoulder.

“I will not. There, question answered,” Sasuke replied, and Naruto actually giggled. Sasuke tried to hide his own smile.

“Okay, this is for real though. How was it like, living there?” Naruto asked. Sasuke was about to say he wasn’t going to reply to that when the other boy looked at him with a soft, comforting smile that was only meant to encourage him, probably.

“Not great,” he admitted. “Orochimaru treated me well,” he added quickly, not liking how sad Naruto had seemed about his answer. Sasuke didn’t know if he was sad because how short it had been, or because of what could imply. “He really did. I mean, it was probably for his own selfish reasons. At first, I was getting strong, and he rejoiced on it. I guess the stronger I became, the stronger I would be for him when he… took me. When I became too strong, it was easier to keep me there if I stayed willingly than if he had to force me. So he tried really hard to be nice to me, but it didn’t end well for him anyway,” he laughed weakly.

Naruto was looking at him, not really knowing what to say. He smiled softly at him though, trying to encourage him to keep talking. Sasuke tried to not feel so uncomfortable as everything inside of him told him he should just shut up now.

Sasuke was tired of not talking about it anymore. Naruto was still there. He could’ve gone back to Konoha long ago, but he was still right by Sasuke’s side, proving him he wasn’t going to be alone, no matter what. At the same time, he was terrified Naruto would go back on his words and leave if he knew.

“It was just… seeing the people that came there for his experiments. The screaming when I was trying to sleep, the cries from the cells…” Sasuke slowly said. “I didn’t really care at the moment. If anything, I was annoyed,” he admitted, but he suddenly regretted those words coming out of his mouth. He watched Naruto closely, trying to look for any change in his face that would indicate he was disgusted of him, that he hated him for it. He could only see patience, though. It was making him nervous, in a good way. “I was annoyed that his experiments would take him away from me for a certain period of time. I just wanted to train, to get better, to gain more strength and speed and dominate more jutsus,” he explained slowly. “And after a while, he…”

Sasuke started to play with his own fingers nervously. It was one thing to think of all the bad things he had done in his life, and a very different one to speak out about it. Naruto, to his surprise, wasn’t pushing it. He was waiting patiently for him to keep going, even though he had never been the patient type. Sasuke was grateful and terrified at the same time. It must’ve been very obvious on his face as Naruto reached over to take his hand. It had become a small ritual between them: Sasuke would start feeling weird, or nervous, or scared; Naruto would quickly realise and take his hand to make him feel better, to make him feel grounded.

“After a while, once I earned Orochimaru’s trust, I was the one being sent to… get him people,” he said slowly. “Of course, I wouldn’t go alone. Different people would join me, because Orochimaru was scared I wouldn’t come back. He hadn’t put so much effort in me to just let me go like that,” he explained, and then he shrugged. “I didn’t need it though. I’d always come back, because I needed him as much as he needed me. I would do what he asked of me and came back. He tried to get me to help him with the experiments, too.”

Naruto seemed to react at that, frowning slightly. Sasuke thought he had taken things too far, spoken too much. And he didn’t want Naruto to stand up and leave, so he squeezed his hand a bit harder. He got a reassuring squeeze back.

“I didn’t do it. I found it disgusting and I said I didn’t want to help him. He didn’t force me,” he kept talking, letting out a soft sigh.

“I’m glad you didn’t,” Naruto said then, keeping his voice and gentle.

“Do you think… it can be forgiven, what I did?” Sasuke asked, his voice wavering. Naruto looked at him as if he didn’t even have a clue of what he was talking about. “So many people died because of me. I could’ve stopped it all, but instead I encouraged it by getting more people for it. A few of them were only kids,” he whispered, looking down as the tears were threatening to come out.

Sasuke would always feel the sharp pain that guilt caused on his stomach. He would never be able to forgive himself, now that he understood what he had done. He was sure others wouldn’t forgive him, either.

“You’re already forgiven,” Naruto said simply, interrupting his thoughts. He slowly starting to play with Sasuke’s fingers, as if he were trying to distract him. “Look, I’m not going to lie to you and say that what you did wasn’t terrible, because it was. But you… weren’t you.”

“How are you so sure it wasn’t me, that that’s not who I really am?” he asked. “How are you sure I’m not just like Orochimaru?” Sasuke could hear how panicked he sound, and he took a deep breath to try and calm himself down. Naruto seemed to sense it, too, so he turned to him and smiled gently.

“Because I know who you truly are,” Naruto said simply, and Sasuke frowned even more. “The real you is the one who saved my life when were just kids,” he stated. “The one who spared my life in the Valley of the End, too. You were even willing to take all the world’s hate so there would be peace!”

“I-”

“The real you is the guy who just this morning had made sure to get me a nice breakfast before I woke up, because he knows how hungry I wake up after a particular long day,” Naruto kept on talking. Sasuke kept trying to cut him off, but Naruto wouldn’t let him. “Or the guy who helped that little boy find his lost teddy bear the other day! It was a stupid toy, Sasuke, and you still spent two hours looking for the damn thing.”

Sasuke remembered that. He had seen the boy crying desperately as his mother dragged him towards home. Naruto had tried to stop him, but Sasuke went over to ask him what was wrong anyway, because it actually hurt to see him crying. After that, he tried his hard to find it. The wide smile on the boy’s face made it all worth it.

“I think the real you is really good and kind. The real you is observant, and is willing to help as much as he can, and he’s sweet to little kids!” Naruto said, trying to joke, but at the same time meaning it. Sasuke got quiet for a few moments.

“Could you stop talking about me in third person? It’s making me nervous,” Sasuke eventually said, elbowing his ribs – without letting go of his hand. Acting as he normally would because he didn’t want Naruto to see just how overwhelmed he had started feeling.

“Ow! Asshole,” Naruto laughed a bit, not annoyed by Sasuke’s attitude. “What I’m trying to say is that if you were like him, you wouldn’t even try to redeem yourself. You know what you did wrong and what you took from the world, and now you’re trying to give back, to repair the damage you caused. I think that’s what’s important, now.”

Sasuke listened to him, unable to say anything back. He stared at him for a few moments, but Naruto was looking at him in a way that quickly made him look down, because he couldn’t handle all the trust and the affection he saw there. Instead, Naruto squeezed his hand again, a constant reminder that he was still there and that he wasn’t going anywhere. Maybe Sasuke could finally start to believe it.

—〇 ☽—

It had been a really long day. His whole body ached after helping to rebuild some part of the village that had been damaged by a big fire, and Naruto had dragged him to the hot-spring baths so they could relax for a bit. The hot water helped a lot, and he found his eyes closing against his will, enjoying the sound of Naruto’s breaths right next to him.

“So…” Naruto eventually spoke. Sasuke gazed up at him, but he didn’t look at him in the eye, focusing on his forehead instead. For some reason, it had started to become hard, looking at him in the eyes. Sasuke didn’t understand why his heart fluttered the way it did, so he tried to avoid it, simple as that. “There seems to be a good ramen place here…” he said slowly.

“And?” Sasuke said, as if he didn’t understand what he was trying to say, just because he loved to tease him.

“Would you like to go there for dinner? It’s been ages since I last ate ramen,” he tried. Sasuke was too tired, and he was about to say he would prefer to just go to bed after they were done here.

Naruto wasn’t dumb, and he had learned how to make Sasuke do anything he wanted. Sasuke just rally hoped he wouldn’t try to do it this time. Of course, he was wrong.

“Please?” Naruto tried, moving his hand to take Sasuke’s. His whole face lit up with a huge, hopeful smile. Sasuke knew he would follow that smile to the end of the world now if he asked.

He wasn’t going to admit it so quickly.

“You could go by yourself,” he said, trying to keep a straight face even when everything inside him was wobbly.

“Noooo,” Naruto said, and he pouted. Sasuke couldn’t hide his own smile after that. “You know I don’t like being by myself.”

“Fine, fine. But you’re paying,” Sasuke gave in, and closed his eyes again. It was like he could still feel the warm and wide smile on Naruto’s face, and it was making him fidgety.

“We share the money, idiot,” Naruto said, splashing some water towards him.

After a while, they were sitting on the stools of that ramen place. Naruto seemed so excited to eat that food, and even with how exhausted he felt Sasuke didn’t regret coming. It was stupid, really, how happy Sasuke would feel whenever Naruto was.

Something Sasuke had noticed was that he wasn’t really paying attention to his surroundings anymore. It was the usual for him now. Earlier in his life, he had been too scared to do that. At first, he was scared Itachi would come finish what had he had started; later on, he needed to be alert in case Orochimaru decided he wasn’t useful for him anymore. After he had killed Orochimaru, he couldn’t allow himself to relax either – he was a rogue ninja, after all; he had almost killed the Raikage’s brother, and he was the last Uchiha alive (at least, to everyone else’s knowledge). So it made sense he would be ready to defend himself at all times, just in case.

He didn’t fully understand the reason, what had changed for him to stop being alert at all times.

“Sasuke, are you listening?” Naruto whined, pushing his shoulder.

Or maybe he did understand, and he was too scared to admit it.

“Yeah,” he blatantly lied.

“So you’re okay with it?” Naruto said. Sasuke frowned slightly, trying to focus and see if he had at least heard some words that had come out of Naruto’s mouth during the last few minutes. “You’re a li-!”

“I am!” Sasuke said quickly, immediately regretting it because he didn’t know where he was getting himself into, even more after he saw how widely Naruto was smiling.

“Let’s go then!” Naruto said, quickly standing up and taking Sasuke’s arm.

“Oi, I didn’t even finish my ramen!” Sasuke tried, but Naruto pretended not to hear, the idiot. He dragged him through the busy streets, seeming rather determined to not let go of his hand.

Sasuke immediately regretted not having asked Naruto to repeat himself. They were in the middle of a huge crowd, and it seemed like there was some sort of festival Sasuke definitely didn’t want to attend to. Naruto, however, looked so excited to be there, so happy. And that was the only reason why Sasuke just followed him around, mostly keeping quiet.

“Hey, Sas?” Naruto asked at some point. Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the shortening of his name, waiting for him to keep talking. “Would you get us some yakitori?” he said with an innocent smile.

“Are you still hungry? You ate like two bowls of ramen,” Sasuke laughed.

“It wasn’t even good ramen. I miss Ichiraku’s,” Naruto sighed dramatically.

“So you want yakitori to forget about the terrible ramen you’ve had to eat lately?” Sasuke joked.

“Please? I want to toss some rings,” he said, pointing to the booth near them. Sasuke laughed again and nodded slowly. “Come back quickly though,” he added.

Sometimes it seemed like Naruto was as desperate to have Sasuke close as Sasuke did. It didn’t make any sense, though, no matter how the tingle of hope had settled in his stomach long time ago.

“I’ll be right back,” Sasuke promised.  

As soon as he was alone, he could feel himself starting to get alert again. He knew it was probably very unlikely for something to happen to him now, with the state the world was at. However, he didn’t pay much attention to it because it would mean thinking how he had come to depend on Naruto to feel safe and comfortable, and that was terrifying.

When he came back with yakitori for Naruto, he came to a stop. He looked at Naruto, being so focused on tossing the rings and failing (whoever let him graduate from the Academy?), pouting every time he didn’t get it right. He watched him for a couple of minutes before Naruto ran out of rings to toss. He laughed with the man in the booth, talked to him for a second, and for some reason Sasuke couldn’t stop looking at him, trying to ignore how warm his chest felt.

The moment Naruto was going to leave, probably to find Sasuke, two girls approached him with big smiles and loud voices. They started to talk with Naruto excitedly, who seemed rather embarrassed, smiling to them. Both of them tried to get Naruto’s attention, and the idiot didn’t know how to not be nice to everyone and their grandma. One of the girls was rather touchy, and Sasuke could see how she put her hand on Naruto’s shoulder, and then on Naruto’s hand. Naruto didn’t pull away. Sasuke felt himself walking towards them then, frowning, so ready to drag Naruto away from there.

“I’m going to sleep,” Sasuke mumbled to Naruto instead, handing him the food.

“But-” he heard Naruto trying to say, but Sasuke was already walking away.

Of course, Sasuke would feel like an asshole afterwards. He was laying down on his futon, looking up at the ceiling and thinking about it, thinking about why Naruto hadn’t come back immediately, thinking what was taking him so long.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Sasuke mumbled to himself, rubbing his face.

He couldn’t be mad at Naruto for wanting to enjoy. It was to be expected. They weren’t kids anymore, after all. Sasuke tried to repeat himself Naruto was allowed to want to enjoy himself, to flirt, to have sex with other people if he wanted. He failed to ignore how it all made his blood boil.

It took Naruto almost three hours to come back. Not that Sasuke was counting.

Naruto seemed to try to be quiet, but he sighed rather dramatically when he saw Sasuke was awake.

“Why did you leave like that?” Naruto asked as he slowly started to get changed. Sasuke remained quiet, because he didn’t know what to say, how to explain. “You should’ve stayed. Yaeko and Ayumi were really nice.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. He hoped it was dark enough for Naruto to not see that.

“I’m glad you had fun,” Sasuke said, and some part of him actually meant it.

“Oh, I did!” Naruto said, not realising Sasuke’s bad mood. “Yaeko had to leave earlier, so I stayed alone with Ayumi… the one with the black hair,” he explained. “And you won’t believe what happened. She kissed me!” Naruto kept talking. “It’s been ages since someone kissed me. I think I was travelling with Ero-senning and…”

“I don’t really care, Naruto,” Sasuke mumbled, just turning to his side, his back facing him.

“What is wrong with you tonight?” Naruto inquired, and Sasuke knew without looking at him that he was frowning. “Are you mad that I spent time with other people? Is that it? Because let me tell you, Sasuke, we’ve been spending together every passing second for four months. And you’re not really the nicest human to be around, not when you’re such an dick sometimes” Naruto said.

That night, Naruto placed his futon as far away from Sasuke as he could. Sasuke’s nightmares were worse than ever, without Naruto’s hand on his to let him know that him leaving was only happening in his dream.

—〇 ☽—

Naruto seemed to forget all about it the following day, but Sasuke couldn’t. He knew he wasn’t being fair, but he couldn’t help being so nervous around Naruto now.

“You really aren’t going to ask me anything about it?” Naruto eventually said, and Sasuke raised his eyebrows. “About Ayumi?”

Sasuke really, really didn’t want to know anything about it. He wasn’t so sure as to why.

“Tell me about… Akemi,” Sasuke complied, his voice rather weak.

“Thanks for sounding so interested in my life, idiot,” Naruto mocked.

They had left the village earlier that morning and they were going to some temple Naruto had wanted to see. It was a warm day, and Sasuke tried to focus on the warmth in his skin, the light breeze moving his hair, the sounds of the birds. Anything but the fire he felt inside.

“Well, Ayumi asked me to walk her home because she was scared, so I did,” Naruto said.

“What a gentleman,” Sasuke mumbled, trying to sound more teasing than he actually did.

“Yes, Sasuke. I’m a gentleman,” Naruto said. “Anyway, I walked her home, and she made me stop somewhere. And then she moved to kiss me, just like that! We had just met, obviously, so it was really weird,” Naruto kept talking. He seemed to wait for Sasuke to say something, but he gave up after a few seconds. “I got nervous though. I told her I had a girlfriend.”

Sasuke was shocked at that, looking at him. “Why?”

“I didn’t want to break her heart?” Naruto tried, rubbing the back of his neck embarrassedly. “I like someone else, not her.”

Sasuke really didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything.

“And that why you were an asshole,” Naruto stated. “Getting jealous because of a girl I didn’t even like and won’t see again. Pathetic,” Naruto said, obviously trying to joke and ease the tension between them.

“I wasn’t jealous!” Sasuke tried to defend himself.

“Sure, sure,” Naruto said, still smiling widely. He stuck his tongue out at him, and Sasuke sighed. “Don’t worry though. You’ll always be my first and most important kiss.”

Naruto kept on walking with a grin, completely unaware of the funny little tumble Sasuke’s stomach did at his words.

—〇 ☽—

Naruto passed the letter to Sasuke, who read it over quickly. Kakashi’s handwriting was way too messy, but at the same time perfectly legible. Kakashi sent hawks to them almost every week for the past year, with a letter that usually didn’t say much of importance, just how he was dealing with being the Hokage, how much everyone missed them. Sometimes he would send them on small missions, too. Sometimes, Sakura was the one to write.

“Don’t you want to come back?” Naruto asked eventually once he realised Sasuke was done reading.

“Naruto-”

“We’ve been on the road for almost a year now. Konoha’s been safe, and so have we. The village will remain okay if you come back.” Naruto tried. “You’ve helped loads of people, too I think it’s safe to say you’re redeemed.”

Sasuke just watched Naruto quietly.

“Don’t you miss Kakashi and Sakura? Because I do. I miss all of my friends, in fact. And I know that if you came back you would like them all. We could all have fun and-”

“You know you’re allowed to leave whenever you want to, right? You came with me because you insisted. I’m not… holding you hostage, or whatever,” Sasuke said.

“I know that, but we can’t be on the road forever.”

“Again, you can leave if you want to. There’s nothing holding you back here,” Sasuke said, avoiding looking at him, hoping he wouldn’t see how badly he wanted him to stay. Sasuke was definitely not a selfish person, at least not anymore. He was not going to beg Naruto to stay with him.

But he wasn’t good enough to do this for Naruto. He wasn’t ready to face all the pain he had caused in other people, not when he still hadn’t come to terms about Naruto forgiving him.

“You know there is, though,” Naruto said.

“I know, I’m your best friend and all that. We’ve been through that a million times. I still don’t think you shouldn’t put your whole life on hold for any longer, just because of me. You have many more friends waiting for you to come back with open arms.”

“It’s not just… It’s not that,” Naruto groaned, seemingly frustrated. “It’s not because you’re my best friend.”

“I just don’t see how all of this makes sense. I get I fucked up in the past, okay? But it was long ago and I’m not that person anymore. It’s not like I’m vanishing completely again. You can still contact me, and we can still see each other sometimes. We’ll still be friends. You can study to become a jōnin and then you’ll be chosen Hokage. You can marry that girl you said you liked, and you can have a happy life without having me there all the time.”

Sasuke knew he was speaking too fast, seeming too nervous. He just hoped Naruto wouldn’t see right through him, wouldn’t see how badly he wanted Naruto to change his mind, how badly he wanted him to stay by his side.

 “I swear, you’re the most oblivious person to ever walked the Earth!” Naruto snapped.

Sasuke didn’t really notice how close Naruto was to him until he felt his hand on his check, forcing him to look up at him. And before he could process what was going on, Naruto’s lips were against his. It was rough at first, it was desperate, and Sasuke felt completely dizzy because of it. The moment he reacted, the moment he managed to move his own lips against his, Naruto let out a quiet, content sound. What had been rough and impatient became soft and gentle.

Everything made sense, then.

It didn’t last long. Naruto pulled back, watching Sasuke as if he were terrified he was going to run away.

“I’m sorry,” Naruto said after Sasuke didn’t say anything at all. “I shouldn’t have done that. It was stupid and impulsive,” he mumbled.

Sasuke nervously reached for his hand then, just as Naruto always did to comfort him. And then he offered him a soft, comforting smile, because he didn’t know how to put anything that he was feeling into words.

Naruto took that as permission to kiss him again, and Sasuke happily complied.

—〇 ☽—

It all changed then, but at the same time nothing did. Sasuke was still Sasuke, and Naruto was still Naruto. Naruto still talked way too much, Naruto was still annoying and loud. He still slept as close to him as he could, he still held Sasuke’s hand when he had a nightmare, he still looked at Sasuke like he couldn’t believe he was there, by his side.

And Sasuke was still an idiot.

He felt like one, at least. Kabuto had joked about it once, and Sasuke couldn’t stop hearing him say “seems like the poor kid is in love with you” in his head over and over. He hadn’t paid attention to it then, but now it all made sense. The way Naruto had gone way too far to save Sasuke from himself, how he never gave up on him, and how he wasn’t ready to let go of him now.

It’s not like Naruto had ever said those words out loud. Sasuke didn’t care.

Naruto didn’t try to talk to Sasuke about coming back to Konoha again, and Sasuke was glad for that. They kept travelling, and it was all the same, yet it all had changed. Because now Naruto kissed him at every possible moment, and it always left Sasuke feeling nervous and giddy and like he could actually burst. Everything was better now.

They didn’t talk about it. It was something that happened, it was something that both of them enjoyed, but they never had a conversation. Sasuke was okay with that, for now. Because talking about it with Naruto would mean admitting some things that he wasn’t sure he himself comprehended yet. Naruto didn’t seem to care because he seemed happier than Sasuke had ever seen him. Every time Naruto smiled, it made Sasuke’s chest feel warm, and it felt like that was enough.

“So…” Naruto started as they sat down at the table in the room to have dinner, only a couple of weeks after.

“So?” Sasuke asked, looking at him in the eyes, because at least now he understood why his heart fluttered the way it did whenever he looked at him. 

Naruto seemed nervous, slowly getting some pork into his mouth and chewing slowly, as if he were trying to give himself some time to think.

“I assume you… feel the same,” Naruto said slowly. Sasuke was confused for a moment before he realised what he was talking about.

“About what?” Sasuke asked just because he wasn’t ready to admit anything yet. It made Naruto frown a bit, and Sasuke knew he was probably wondering what he had done wrong.

He should’ve known Naruto would want to make everything clear between them.

They fell quiet, and Sasuke just gave him the time he needed, because he also needed it for himself. He didn’t know how he was supposed to put into words the way he felt. He didn’t know how to tell Naruto how full his heart had felt since he had decided to join him. He didn’t know how to tell him about the way his heartbeat increased every time Naruto smiled at him, how just a single touch from him was enough to make him feel comfortable, grounded, at peace. How he had made him forget about his past, the bad and the horrible things, even if it was only for a few moments. How he never wanted him to go away, to leave his side.

“I’m in love with you,” Naruto said then. It came out of his mouth as if it were the simplest thing in the world, as if Sasuke wasn’t struggling so much to name the exact same feeling. “I’ve always been, too. And… I wanted you to know that,” Naruto whispered, looking down. He was actually blushing, and Sasuke couldn’t stop staring at him.

“Are you sure?” Sasuke asked dumbly. It caused Naruto to laugh, and it was the most beautiful sound in the world.

“I am very sure, Sasuke.”

Sasuke kept looking at him, and eventually Naruto met his eyes too.

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, you know? I understand if you think you just want to have fun and that’s it. We can stop whenever you want, too,” Naruto kept on talking, clearly nervous. Sasuke wanted him to shut up immediately. “It’s not like I expected you to like me back like that. I mean, why would you?” he kept on rambling.

Sasuke couldn’t deal with that anymore, so he moved to be next to him. He cupped his cheek with his hand and forced to look at him, taking a deep breath.

“I’m in love with you, too,” he whispered, feeling so nervous to let it out. But it was like a heavy weight on his shoulders had been lifted, then.

Naruto looked at him then. And without even meaning to, Sasuke felt the hot tears running down his face as relief washed all over him,

“Shit, I’m so- I- Are you okay?” Naruto asked quickly, the panic clear in his eyes.

“I’m okay,” Sasuke laughed, wiping his eyes. “I’m really happy, idiot.”

—〇 ☽—

That night, Sasuke felt like he could hardly breathe as Naruto kisses him. He could hardly breathe as he bit a mark on his neck, he could hardly breathe as he slowly got them both of them undressed, can hardly breathe as he kissed down his chest.

It didn’t matter how unexperienced Naruto seemed. How much his hand trembled, how he kept asking Sasuke if he was okay all the time. How he seemed like he couldn’t stop touching Sasuke’s hand, making it all way more difficult. How sloppy it all felt.

It didn’t matter because Sasuke had never felt as close to Naruto, to anyone, as he did that night. Sasuke could only think I love him, I love him, I love him as Naruto touched him gently, as if he were adoring every single inch of his body. He could only think I love him, I love him, I love him as he breathed heavily against his mouth, as he kissed him with a need he had never felt before. He could only think I love him, I love him, I love him as they got there.

“I love you,” Sasuke finally said as Naruto laid next to him, their breathings coming out unevenly still.

And Naruto moved to kiss him again.

—〇 ☽—

It had been a year and a half now. A year and a half since he had put his feet out of Konoha and with the intention of never looking back.

He turned to look at Naruto, who was still asleep next to him, his arm over Sasuke’s bare chest. They were both still naked from the night before, and Sasuke found it rather amusing how they seemed to not be able to keep their hand off the other now that they knew how good they could make each other feel.

As he focused on Naruto’s breathing, the even way his chest moved up and fell down, the idea of coming back didn’t seem so bad. He assumed it was about time he faced the reality of what he had caused instead of running away from it. It was time he tried to fix all the pain he had caused Naruto, Sakura and Kakashi, as well as the rest of them.

 It was time he dealt with the consequences of his actions. He knew it wouldn’t be pretty, but Naruto moved closer to him in his sleep, and he knew he would be okay as long as he was there.

He slowly kissed Naruto’s forehead, and then the tip of his nose, and his lips. Naruto hated to be woken up, he would always get moody about it. It didn’t seem to happen when it was Sasuke, when the reason he woke up was because he felt his lips against him.

“If we leave today, we’ll be back in three weeks,” Sasuke whispered when Naruto opened one of his eyes to look at him.

Naruto didn’t understand for a second, but then he did. He seemed to want to ask Sasuke if he was sure of it, if he had thought it through. He always seemed so willing to do anything as long as Sasuke was happy.

Sasuke kissed his lips gently before he could voice his questions.

“Two if we don’t stop to have sex every single time you want to, you horny pervert” Sasuke joked lightly, wanting to show him the best way he could he was sure.

“We can definitely take three weeks,” Naruto grinned, and Sasuke laughed fondly. He leaned down to kiss him again, taking his time now.

As long as he had Naruto, he would be okay.