Chapter Text
"Hey! Jerk! When I declined your call for the fifth time did it cross your mind that maybe I was doing something important?”
“Maa, I knew you’d pick up eventually.”
Naruto crossed his arms and glared. His adoptive father, currently sprawled on the grass with one ankle propped up on the bleachers, waved. His t-shirt had a prominent grass stain, and the ankle was mummified in ice and Saran Wrap. Naruto walked over and lightly kicked it.
“Ow.” Kakashi winced dramatically.
"What did you even do?"
"Blame your roommate." Kakashi gestured over at the field, where a handful of athletes were kicking a soccer ball back and forth.
"If Sasuke finally snapped I blame your shitty coaching."
Kakashi pouted, grabbing his calf and flipping around. "I'm a great coach. Everyone says so, I have it in writing."
"That’s not what a CPR certification says.”
"Will you at least give your old man a hand up? In exchange for the years l spent raising you?"
"You didn't raise me, Dad did.” Still, he leaned down and grabbed Kakashi around the waist, hefting him up. "Speaking of, he's gonna be pissed when he finds out you got yourself injured again.”
"I'm very aware of that."
“I'm pretty sure the couch is the best place to sleep with a busted ankle anyway. Makes it much easier to elevate!"
"Ouch," Kakashi winced. "Is your spare room still free?"
Naruto rolled his eyes and started walking towards the parking lot. "We don't have a spare room.”
"Oh, that's right," Kakashi said breezily. “Someone is still in denial about his feelings.”
Naruto jabbed him in the side. "I'll leave you here, jerk-head."
"Maybe if you two got your act together,”
"I can’t hear you!" Naruto yelled.
"Fine, fine. Ignore my years of wisdom."
"I would if you had any."
Kakashi looked up at the sky, forlorn expression visible through his mask. "Someday I'll get respect."
"Nope!"
With a few more slow steps, they reached the car. Naruto held his hand out for the keys and dumped Kakashi by the passenger door.
"You won't even help me get in?" Kakashi complained.
"Of course not."
"So cruel."
Naruto started the car, then adjusted his seat and fiddled with the AC while Kakashi maneuvered his ankle into place. He left the radio alone, for now. It was set to NPR, which was Dad's doing. Kakashi grumbled away, but it blended in with the background noise as he switched into reverse.
"Ankle," Naruto warned as they crossed a speed bump.
"Ow."
They made their way off of campus in contented silence. Naruto didn't really mind driving Kakashi around. It was funnier when he was stoned or drunk and would alternate between telling embarrassing stories about his former teammates and singing along (poorly) to tacky pop songs.
"Do you have any dinner plans?" Kakashi asked when they were about five minutes into the drive.
"Nothing in particular. What are you making?"
"We'll probably order takeout."
"Ramen?"
"Sure, as a thank you gift."
Naruto snorted. "You mean as a bribe?"
"Maybe so."
"I can't stay the night, though. I have a project meeting early tomorrow."
"Hmmm. What class?"
"Voting and elections, it's the one with the new guy." Naruto absently drummed his fingers across the steering wheel. "He's super into group projects, which is pretty cool."
Kakashi slowly shook his head. "I still can't believe my only son loves group work.”
"Just because some of us—oh, ankle—actually like people,”
“I like people," Kakashi interrupted.
"You like, like, four people. And two of them are related to you."
"That's not the point. Group work is evil."
"Dude, did you even go to college?"
There was pointed silence from the passenger side. Naruto rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine, sorry.”
Kakashi grunted and pulled out a book.
His parent's house was in a gated neighborhood, which still made Naruto feel weird after almost eight years. The house itself was modest compared to their neighbors, which Naruto now knew was the only reason lruka had agreed to move in in the first place. As they approached, Naruto noticed lights on in the kitchen and lruka's car in the driveway.
"Oh, good, he's already home," Kakashi said.
"Great! He can help you get out.” Naruto put the car into park and jumped out. He sprinted up to the porch in an attempt to avoid Kakashi’s grumbling.
“Welcome home!” Iruka called as he opened the door.
“Hi Dad!” Naruto yelled back.
“Oh!” Iruka stuck his head out of the living room. “Hey, Naruto. Where’s Kakashi?”
“The invalid is still sitting in the car.”
There was a loud sigh. “Oh dear.”
Naruto wandered into the kitchen, and Iruka gave him a quick hug as he headed out the door. “It’s just his ankle, and the trainer wasn’t even there, so you don’t need to baby him.”
“That’s not going to be a problem.” Iruka slid on old sneakers and headed out.
Naruto opened the fridge and started absently going through it, keeping an ear out. He heard Iruka’s voice seconds later, and the tone raised hairs on the back of his neck. Iruka’s scolding prowess was legendary.
“…and at some point you’re going to remember that there’s a reason you’ve been a coach for the last twelve years. Is there not enough excitement for you these days? Do you need another dog? Or will you continue to throw your barely-functional joints into contact sports until you can’t walk anymore? Is that what you want?”
Kakashi stared pleadingly over at Naruto and mouthed ‘help me’
“You’re wearing a mask, Kakashi, what was that?” Naruto sniggered.
“Iruka, baby—ow. Let me buy you ramen to make up for it.”
“Hmmph.”
“Ichiraku ramen,” Kakashi offered. “An extra-large bowl, just for you.”
“Naruto, can you grab a new ice pack?” Iruka asked, shoving Kakashi into the living room.
“Sure, Dad.”
Iruka unceremoniously dropped Kakashi onto the couch. He ignored the pained whine and swiftly cut off the ankle wrap, holding his hand out for the new ice pack.
“I grabbed a towel too,” Naruto said, handing both over.
“Thank you. I’m glad someone in this house has critical thinking skills.”
“Ouch.”
Iruka positioned the ankle with quick but careful movements, making sure the ice pack was properly insulated. Once it was done he stood back and turned to Naruto.
“Who was it this time?”
“Sasuke, apparently.” Naruto answered.
“Well, at least he knows the rules. He’s coming to get you, right?”
“Maybe.” Naruto shrugged. “I haven’t asked, I might need a ride back if he’s busy.”
“Hmm. Text him now, and we’ll order as soon as he gets back to you.” Iruka patted Kakashi on the head and walked over to the armchair where his book and tea were waiting.
Naruto nodded and sat on the other end of the couch, slouching back as he sent the text.
injury rules. r u coming over? ordering ramen soon
I have a paper due Friday
:(((((((
dad will b sad
kakashi will pay for ur food
also i need a ride back 2 the house
fine. I can head over in twenty
Tyyyyyyy
what do u want?
also u need to pick it up since u did slide tackle an old man
He deserved it.
And the usual
ok see u soon
“He’ll be here in thirty minutes, we should order now.”
“Excellent. Husband, I’m texting you my order. You can call.”
“Iruka, I’m injured.”
Iruka didn’t look up from his phone. “And?”
“I want the miso special, and Sasuke wants his usual.”
“I don’t have your friend’s ramen order memorized, Naruto.”
Naruto huffed. “Whatever. I’ll text it to you.”
“You’re welcome.” Naruto started swiftly texting as Kakashi pulled out his phone.
Was it normal to have your friend’s ramen order memorized? It wasn’t normal if your dad knew it, even if said friend did eat dinner with the family about once a month these days. It was normal. Besides, it was ramen. He knew everyone’s ramen orders because Ichiraku was the best.
“Hello, Miss Ayame. Yes, we’re good. How are you and Teuchi? I will, Naruto says hello. Mhmm. So we’d like two miso specials, one shabu beef, and one Chasu special. Thank you. Sasuke will pick it up. You too.”
Kakashi put down the phone and looked pleadingly over at Iruka. “Am I forgiven?”
“Almost.” Iruka smiled softly. “When the ramen gets here and Sasuke explains himself you’ll be clear.”
“He doesn’t need to explain himself, he’s full of angst.” Kakashi leaned back, closing his eyes.
Iruka clicked his tongue. “I still don’t agree with your theory that he sees you as a stand-in for Naruto. If anything, he sees you as his father.”
“I’m literally right here,” Naruto complained.
“Naruto, you really should talk to him,” Iruka said.
“We talk all the time. He’s doesn’t hate me anymore, we sorted that out last year.”
“That’s…” Iruka sighed. “Well. There’s only so much we can do.”
Naruto looked pointedly away from his parents. They were dumb anyway and didn’t know what they were talking about.
“The United game is starting soon,” Kakashi commented.
“I’ll get the remote.” Naruto scrambled over and flipped the TV on.
“Channel twelve, I think.”
“Mhmm. Who are they playing?”
“Seattle.”
“Should be interesting, at least.”
Kakashi tilted his head, gazing past the screen. “Maybe. Genma has been having a bad month, and if your goalie is struggling then the whole team crumbles. Their backup isn’t anything special, so they’ll likely end up with a 4-2-2 and our forwards will get muddied down in the defense. But who knows.”
Naruto nodded. Watching soccer with Kakashi was the only time he really regretted stepping away from the sport. He knew his schoolwork was more important, and he loved his intramural team, but he still quietly longed for the high-level competition.
Kakashi mocked the commentators through most of the pre-game analysis. Iruka threw a pillow at him after a particularly pointed barb, which led to a long minute of whining.
“I long for the days when I thought you were the strong, silent type,” Iruka opined. “You were so calm when we first met. So poised.”
“Love changed me,” Kakashi shot back. “You transformed my life.”
“Hey,” Naruto interrupted. “Stop being gross. Some of us are trying to watch this.”
Kakashi blew a kiss but managed to shut up. A few quiet minutes sped by, and soon there was a knock on the door.
Iruka stood. “That must be Sasuke. Naruto, come help with the food.”
Naruto bolted towards the door, socks sliding on the kitchen tile.
“Careful!” Iruka yelled.
“Sasuke!” Naruto threw the door open. “Ramen!!”
Sasuke silently held out a large paper bag. He was wearing joggers and a long-sleeved black shirt, and patches of his hair were still damp. It was a definite improvement. For the first few months, he’d shown up for every dinner in a blazer.
“Sasuke, it’s so good to see you,” Iruka pulled the bag out of Naruto’s hands. “Ignore my son, please come in.”
“Thanks, Mr. Umino.”
“Every time.” Iruka chuckled, heading towards the kitchen. “It’s still Iruka.”
Sasuke kicked off his shoes and shrugged. “Sorry, Mr. Iruka.”
“That’s weird,” Naruto said.
“Where’s coach?” Sasuke asked, turning away from the conversation.
“Hello, Sasuke. Are you here to take out my other ankle?” Kakashi called.
Naruto gestured towards the living room. Sasuke shoved his hands in his pockets and crossed through the doorway. Naruto jogged back into the kitchen.
“Hello,” he cooed at the ramen. “I’ve missed you, handsome.”
“Bring these out to the living room first,” Iruka instructed, handing Naruto another bowl and a handful of chopsticks.
“Mhmm!”
The teams were about to kick off. Sasuke was sitting in Naruto’s chair and wasn’t even a little bit apologetic.
“Move over,” Iruka ordered Kakashi, handing him ramen and lightly kissing his cheek. Naruto mimed vomiting.
“You should be happy that your parents still love each other,” Kakashi said.
Naruto rolled his eyes, content to ignore them in favor of his dinner.
The world narrowed to miso broth and noodles for the next ten minutes. After slurping down the last dregs, Naruto sighed happily and started paying attention to the game. Kakashi had been right: Seattle was doubling down on their defense, and the D.C. players struggled to break through. Kakashi’s commentary had died down, replaced by occasional flurries of texting. Naruto would bet his left kidney they were all to Guy, the current head coach.
“Finally,” Sasuke grumbled when they scored. “It’s embarrassing that that took forty minutes.”
“And you could do better?”
“Obviously,” Sasuke shrugged. “There was an opening during the first quarter. If Ebisu hadn’t screwed up the throw-in, they could have easily broken through. Kotetsu was wide open.”
Kakashi nodded. “Good catch.”
“Their goalie also sucks.” Sasuke frowned. “Even Naruto plays better.”
“Hey!” Naruto sat up. “Oh, wait. Was that a compliment?”
“Obviously, moron.”
“Yeah!”
Kakashi shushed them. Play resumed, and it looked like United were encouraged by their goal. However, the Sounders’ defense was still strong. The half break sped by with snark from Sasuke and Kakashi while Iruka made tea and called insults from the kitchen. By the seventy-minute mark, Naruto had fallen deep into his seat. It was still 1-0, and there was a tight frown on Kakashi’s face.
“I’m glad that’s over,” Sasuke muttered after the final whistle.
“It wasn’t an ideal outcome.” Kakashi sighed. “I’m sure they’ll be running suicides for the next week to make up for it.”
Naruto winced in sympathy. Might Guy’s training was brutal.
Iruka stood. “Naruto, Sasuke. Do you need anything for the house? I bought too many bananas at the store last week, we’d appreciate it if you could take them.”
“Sakura will always eat them. Thanks dad!” Naruto hopped up and stretched.
Sasuke coughed. “Thanks, Mr. Um—Iruka. We’re fine otherwise. Thank you for the dinner.”
“We’re glad you could make it.” Iruka smiled.
Naruto crossed the room and pulled his Dad into a hug. “Okay, we’re gonna go. Love you.”
“Love you too, kid.” Kakashi held out a fist, and Naruto tapped it.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bye!”
“Goodbye.” Sasuke waved and headed out.
Naruto ran into the kitchen, grabbed the bananas, and followed. Sasuke’s car was an old but immaculate SUV. The trunk was full of neatly stacked gear, as per usual, and there was a lingering scent of ramen.
“How was class?” Naruto asked as he climbed in. “Which paper is due, by the way?”
“Developmental,” Sasuke said, starting the car. “We’ve just hit pre-school. I should use you as a case study.”
“Jerk. My classes were good since you didn’t ask. I have that group project for Jiraiya coming up soon, and my group is meeting tomorrow.”
“Tch.”
It was nice to have a best friend, Naruto thought as he absently chattered on about the project. Especially one as cool as Sasuke. What a pity he was straight, because really, he’d be the perfect boyfriend.
~~~
Naruto had moved into his current house at the beginning of their sophomore year. Sasuke and Sai moved with him, and Sakura had rounded out the group. Kiba, who’d been their roommate freshman year, moved into the frat house. Naruto had rushed with him but decided against moving into the house. It’d mostly been because of the cost, but there was always a voice in the back of his head that whispered ‘unwelcome’. Which was bullshit. His bros were all allies. There were at least two other gay brothers, and one of them was even on the e-board. It was the most progressive frat on campus, which was likely why he’d gotten a bid from them. Still: he worried.
And honestly, their place was much nicer than the frat house. Sai was a neat freak and Sakura crafted when she was stressed, so the overall aesthetic was a little bit like a retirement home, but the open floor plan was great for parties. Naruto also loved his roommates. They were his bros as much as his frat brothers, and they’d made a pact to keep living together until they all graduated. Sasuke was Naruto’s best friend for life, but Sakura and Sai were family too. In true family style, there were some weird things they’d learned about each other within the first few weeks of living together. For example: Sai had never said fuck before.
Naruto was surprised because he was surprised about everything. Sakura wasn't surprised, because she’d listened when Sai talked about his weird upbringing. There had been some kind of cult involved? Naruto didn't remember exactly, but there had been lots of trauma.
The whole not-saying-fuck-thing wasn't a sustainable situation. First of all, Sakura swore like a sailor. Second of all, Sai was kind of an asshole, and assholes who said "fiddlesticks” instead of fuck were never taken seriously. So, they all decided to make Sai say fuck. Their attempts hadn't been successful so far. Their friend was remarkably composed, and it was difficult to force him into situations where he lost his cool. Furthermore, he was content with his old-man curse vocabulary.
"The ladies all like it when you swear, ya know," Naruto said one afternoon while they were studying.
"You are gay." Sai didn't look up from his book.
“You’re a jerk!”
“That was a statement of fact, not an insult. As you well know, I am also homosexual.”
"That’s...yeah, okay, fine. But still!” Naruto sat up, grinning. “Guys like swearing. Guys like swearing even more than girls! If you want to seduce that one hot senior, you really need to say fuck!”
Sai paused to consider the statement. "You may make a point; I have noticed that men bond through vulgar traditions. Swearing seems to be one of them.”
"Then it's settled!” Naruto snapped his book closed. "When are we gonna do it?"
“I don't particularly care.”
"We need to record it, for everybody, obviously. And maybe make a cake?”
“No.” They made eye contact for the first time; Sai was blank-faced but clearly displeased. “No cake.”
Naruto cackled. “Dude you know that there’s absolutely going to be cake now, right? Like it’s gonna be huge and maybe pink and we’re gonna shove your face in it.”
Sai scowled, standing to loom over Naruto. “If there is a cake, you will be the one with icing in your eyes. And my fist down your throat.”
“Geez, okay dude, no cake, calm down. And sit down, you’re scaring the hoes.”
“I am only scaring you," Sai muttered.
"Yeah, you actually are.” Naruto frowned. "I don't like how tall you are, bro."
"That is your problem," Sai said, primly sitting and picking up a book.
"Tell me a day, we'll do a thing. No cake, but maybe some banners. I'll have the bros come over, they'll definitely get a kick out of this.”
"No thank you! Is there not a party this weekend?”
Naruto nodded. "Yeah, it's for some football thing. The spring game, I think.”
"You should know more about football." Sai shook his head.
"Literally all of the bros know so much, I don't need to know anything, they'll just tell me. I tell them soccer stuff, so it's fair.”
"Hmm."
"So, we're on for Friday?"
"Yes. No cake."
"Fuck cake." Naruto grinned.
Sai shrugged. "I suppose."
“Okay! Sweet! I'll see you at home!" Naruto grabbed his books and loose papers, shoved them into his backpack, and headed out.
As soon as he passed through the library doors, he pulled out his phone and started frantically texting Sakura.
where's the best place 2 bake a cake so sai can't see
Do I want to know?
yes, hes finally gonna say fuck
Fucking finally.
and he really really really doesnt want a cake
Shouldn't we be rewarding him for good behavior?
no hes a dick
Fair. I think the best place is Ino’s apartment, she has a decent amount of baking supplies.
ugh will u 2 be boring and kiss and stuff
Yes. I'll even smear flour on her cheek on purpose so I can kiss it off.
ew
I'll draw a little heart in the sugar and say, “it's because you're so sweet".
i think even ino would say thats 2 much
Maybe. Maybe not.
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh u suck
Do you want my help or not?
yes pls sorry
Find a recipe. We can go to the store tomorrow, right after class.
tyyyyyyyyyy
Two hours later, he was sitting in the living room scrolling through chocolate cake recipes on his computer. The front door opened, and a mess of dark hair popped up in his peripheral vision.
“Heyyyyyy welcome home!” He hurriedly closed his laptop.
“Hn.” Sasuke dropped his keys in the key bowl and walked over to the kitchen.
“How was practice?”
Sasuke shrugged, pulling a water bottle from the fridge and chugging it. Naruto drummed his fingers on the top of his laptop, debating whether it was safe to open or not.
"What are you hiding?" Sasuke’s voice was right next to his ear.
"Augh! Nothing!" Naruto turned and frowned. "Stop sneaking up behind me, you know I hate that."
Sasuke raised a single eyebrow.
"It's really nothing, you just need to promise not to tell Sai."
"I would never.”
"Awesome!" Naruto opened the computer and held it up for Sasuke to see.
"A cake?"
"He's going to say fuck!"
"Finally." He walked around the couch and sat down next to Naruto. Their arms brushed as he leaned in, peering at the recipe.
Naruto noticed it a normal amount, a normal friend amount. "Uh, yeah. At the party this Friday.”
"Why a cake?"
"Because he really doesn't want one."
Sasuke sat back. "Do you think he really doesn't want one, or is he using reverse psychology to trick you into making a cake for no reason?"
"His first time saying fuck is a big occasion! We need to get it on video so that we can play it at his wedding. Or graduation.”
"Tch.”
They sat in silence, reading the recipe.
"Are you sure you'll be able to—”
"Yes! It'll be fine. Sakura and Ino will be there." Naruto wasn't sure if he was reassuring himself or Sasuke. "It'll be fine."
"If you say so.”
"You can come!"
"Why would I want to come?"
Naruto turned, putting on his best puppy-dog eyes. "Because you want to protect me from the flood of PDA?"
"I don't like cake."
"You don't need to eat any! You can help with the mixing and stuff, it'll be a good upper body workout."
Sasuke snorted. "No, it won't."
"Pleeeeeeeeease?”
"Ugh. Fine. Or, actually, what time are you going to make it?"
"Um. I don't really know, we were thinking Friday afternoon? Like right after class."
Sasuke pulled out his phone and frowned. “I'm free from two to four."
"That's perfect!" Naruto grinned, pulling out his own phone. "I'll check with Sakura, but that should be fine.”
Sasuke didn’t reply, busy typing away.
"Are you—" Naruto peered over at Sasuke's phone. “Dude, are you making a calendar event?"
His typing paused. "No."
"Dude that's so funny oh my god. Like, I know that you have a scheduling problem but that's fucking hilarious.”
"Shut up." Sasuke punched Naruto in the shoulder, ears pink.
Naruto sat back, still snickering. “Jerk.”
“Moron.”
~~~
The rest of the week passed in the blink of an eye. At approximately one forty-five on Friday afternoon, Sakura was lounging at the counter, explaining the plot of a play she’d just finished reading. It was called the Chocolate Pudding Incident, which Naruto thought was the best title for any play he’d ever heard before.
“So then,” Sakura continued, “Ted Kennedy gets off scot-free! With literally no consequences. Ugh, it was so frustrating.”
“Fuck Ted Kennedy!”
“Yeah, fuck him! And well, technically, there were a few consequences. He got a slap on the wrist from the DMV, and apparently, the whole incident influenced his decision to not run for president. It was really well written, though.”
“Uh-huh, uh-huh.” Naruto nodded, crossing his arms and leaning forward. “So what does this have to do with chocolate pudding?”
Sakura blinked. “Chocolate…pudding?”
“Yeah! You said it was the chocolate pudding incident? Was there like, chocolate pudding in the car or something?”
She straightened up and carefully rolled up her sleeves. “Say that one more time.”
Sasuke walked while Sakura still had Naruto in a headlock, shaking him for emphasis as she yelled “Chap! Pa! Quid! Dick! In! Ci! Dent!”
“Ow! Ow ow ow I’m sorry! I get it! Not Chocolate Pudding!”
She dropped the headlock and Naruto fell to the floor, groaning.
“Tch,” Sasuke said. “Everyone knows about the Chappaquiddick Incident, dead last.”
“I’m hungry, it’s distracting,” Naruto moaned, looking up at Sasuke’s knees. They were nice knees.
“We should get going if we’re going to have time to make the cake,” Sakura said, briskly brushing off her shirt.
“Okay. You’re driving.”
“What.”
“We’re going to see your girlfriend,” Naruto pointed out as he climbed up off the floor, wincing.
“We’re going to make a cake for your weird scheme,” Sakura said, grabbing her keys and heading out to the garage.
“It’s not weird! Sasuke, tell her it’s not weird.”
“It’s weird.”
Naruto pouted, “You’ll regret that when we have the video.”
“I somehow doubt it.”
Sakura started the car and turned on the spa channel. “We’re not fighting when we still have three hours of cake to bake.”
“Okay, mom.”
She flipped them off.
They made it to the store unscathed and took a moment to crowd around Naruto’s phone.
“I’m pretty sure Ino has enough sugar, but we might need to get more flour,” Sakura said. “We definitely need extra dark chocolate, since Sasuke will eat half of it.”
"Fair payment." Sasuke shrugged.
"You should pick it out," Sakura instructed. "I'll focus on the ingredients, and Naruto, you go look at frosting and decorations."
"Alright!" Naruto shoved his hand out the center of the cart and gestured for the others to do the same. Sakura complied with sparse enthusiasm, and Sasuke had to be nudged before begrudgingly joining.
"Believe it on three!" Naruto called. "And one...two...three!”
“Fuck no!"
“Believe it!”
“l hate this."
Naruto frowned. "That wasn't very believe it of you, team."
Sakura patted him on the head. "We'll get it next time."
Sasuke shoved his hands in his pockets and wandered away, muttering under his breath.
"Sasuke!” Naruto yelled. "Wait up! The frosting is that way too!"
He bounced over, grinning. Sasuke promptly ignored him and wandered into the coffee aisle.
"I'm pretty sure you're supposed to be getting chocolate, jerk." Naruto jabbed him in the side.
Sasuke sent a swift kick to his shins in retaliation. "Coffee makes chocolate cake better, moron."
"Wait, really? How?"
"I dunno. Something about the acid or something."
“That doesn't sound right.” Naruto frowned.
"It just works, I don't know why," Sasuke snapped.
"Geez, okay."
"Aren't you supposed to be getting frosting?"
"Yeah," Naruto shrugged. "But both of our stuff is easy, so we should do it together. Obviously."
"Obviously."
"Oooh, look!” Naruto ran over to the hot cocoa section.
"This is the wrong kind of chocolate.”
"I know that, duh. But there's new spring stuff, for Easter!"
Sasuke picked up one of the bright green boxes. "It doesn't look like the flavor is different at all.”
He put the cocoa box firmly back on the shelf and headed towards the chocolate. Naruto tagged along, absently keeping up a running commentary about his plans for the cake. It was going to be an awesome cake, with lots of decorations. And it was going to be obnoxiously delicious.
“Shush. I need to concentrate.”
“To pick out a bar of dark chocolate?” Naruto asked skeptically.
Sasuke glared.
“Geez, okay.”
Naruto stared at Sasuke while Sasuke stared intently at the chocolate selection. He leaned into the shelf, picking up a few bars and carefully comparing them. Finally, after a long, thoughtful pause, he picked up four bars and slid them into his pockets.
“Are you sure these are the right ones?” Naruto mocked. “Are you sure you don’t need to spend another twenty minutes considering it?”
“Shut up, moron. Let’s look at the frosting.”
There was lots of frosting. There was a six-foot square full of nothing but different frosting options. Naruto had the sinking realization that he might take just as long choosing the right kind of frosting as Sasuke had choosing the chocolate.
“So, you’re getting a chocolate frosting and a decorating color, right?” Sasuke said.
“Um.” Naruto frowned. “Yeah, actually. Maybe two decorating colors? One for the text and one for the other stuff. Like edges. Maybe some flowers.”
“Tch. It’s going to be ridiculous.”
Naruto picked a chocolate frosting at random. It looked good. That done, he walked over to the decorating frosting and started flicking through the colors. He held two out for Sasuke to consider.
“How about pink and green?”
Sasuke picked them up and considered them. “No. How about blue and orange?”
“Isn’t that too cheesy? School colors?”
“Maybe. Purple and yellow is less cliche.”
“Oooh, I like that. But what does Sai like?”
Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Sai likes black and grey.”
“You’re one to talk.”
“Maybe we’re going about this the wrong way. Maybe we need to think about what he hates.”
Naruto perked up. “Oooh! He hates orange. And frogs, and when I’m loud.”
“So. Orange and neon yellow?” Sasuke held up the two colors.
“Perfect!”
Frosting in hand, they started searching for Sakura.
“Sakura!!” Naruto yelled as they approached the refrigerator section.
“You’re the most annoying person in this Target,” Sasuke hissed.
“Sakuraaaaaa!”
“What do you want?” A voice called out from vaguely left.
Naruto turned to Sasuke, grinning. “But also, the most effective. Let’s go!”
The cart was already full of flour, eggs, and two kinds of sugar. They dumped in their comparatively meager haul, and Sakura grabbed a few items for herself.
Naruto paid for everything (of course). Totally worth it, though.
~~~
“Yooooooooooo! Sai! My bro!” Naruto grabbed Sai around the shoulders, balancing on tip-toes.
“Hello, Naruto.”
“Welcome to the party! Have a drink!”
“I will.” Sai let Naruto drag him to the drinks table.
“What’ll it be?” Choji was tending bar, which realistically meant mixing vodka with different sodas.
“Jack and Coke, please,” Sai requested.
“Comin’ right up!”
Sakura bounced over and gently punched Sai in greeting. “Hey! What time are you gonna do it?”
Sai pursed his lips. “I do not know. Sometime after I am intoxicated.”
“Okay!” Sakura giggled. “It’s gonna be so fun! Bye!”
She skipped back across the living room and leaned onto Ino’s shoulder, smacking a kiss on her cheek. Ino blushed and twirled her around. Gazing over, Naruto sighed.
“Did you not ‘get over’ Sakura years ago?” Sai asked.
“Yes!” Naruto jumped. “Warn a guy. And uh, yeah. It’s just. They really love each other.”
“Ah,” Sai nodded. “You are envious. You desire such a relationship.”
“Chug your drink, robot boy,” Naruto muttered.
Sai took an obedient drink. “Will Sasuke be attending?”
“I think so. I invited him, but he doesn’t really like frat parties.”
“He has been the least invested in my new vocabulary.”
Naruto chugged the rest of his own drink. “Uh-huh. But he still cares! And he, uh, sometimes cares about football so he might show up.”
“He does not,” Sai said decisively. “I would like another drink.”
“You go for it. I’m headed,” Naruto gestured towards the living room as he trailed off.
Sai nodded, already holding his cup out for a refill.
Naruto shoved himself onto the couch in between Rock Lee and Kiba. They were playing Smash Bros, and Lee was losing, enthusiastically.
“Naruto!” He yelled, not looking away from the controllers. “I am smashing with the power of youth!”
“Maybe don’t phrase it quite like that, buddy,” Kiba said. “Hey, Naruto. Wanna play next?”
“Sure.” He leaned back, avoiding Lee’s flying elbows. “Have you guys seen Sasuke?”
“I didn’t think he was coming,” Kiba replied.
“I saw him at training this morning, and in class early this afternoon, but I have not seen him since!”
“Thanks, Lee. Do you think he’s gonna come?”
Kiba shrugged. “I don’t know, man. You’re the only one who can get him to go out, so if you didn’t drag him it’s a crapshoot.”
“He comes out without me! Sometimes!”
“I suggest texting him!” Lee added. “That way you can know his intentions!”
“Nah, I think I’m good. Gimme the controller, Lee, that was embarrassing.”
“I must admit defeat! Well played, Kiba!”
“Loser gets drinks.” Kiba held up his empty cup. Lee stood and took it with a bright grin. He bustled off to the drinks table, and Naruto turned his attention to the game.
Four drinks and a…number of games later, he was laying on the ground with his head in Shikamaru’s lap while they lackadaisically beat everyone at Mario Party. Lee and Neji were loudly arm wrestling on the coffee table, and Ino was painting Hinata’s nails.
There was a loud knock on the front door. Naruto sat bolt upright. “Is it Sasuke?”
“Go check,” Shikamaru drawled.
“Okay!” Naruto clambered to his feet and stood for a moment, swaying. He was…hmm. More drunk than he’d thought. Had he eaten today? Not really, besides stolen cake batter. That wasn’t ideal. But whatever! Sasuke might be here!
“Cooooming,” he yelled at the door, carefully picking his way through the crowd. He threw it open and peered out into the darkness.
“Hi, moron.” Sasuke shoved a 6-pack into Naruto’s chest.
“Sasuke!”
“Yep. Let me in.”
Naruto took the six pack with one hand and threw the other around Sasuke in a three-quarters hug. “I’m so glad to see you! We thought you wouldn’t come?”
“Okay, you’re completely pissed.” Sasuke physically pushed him into the house. Naruto stumbled a little, dragging them even further backward.
“No! I’m super sober, believe it!”
Sasuke loudly rolled his eyes. “Sure.”
“Come play video games!”
“Is that all you’ve been doing? You’re in the nerdiest frat on campus.”
“Hey,” Naruto protested. “There were keg stands earlier! And there’s…beer pong somewhere. You weren’t here so Neji beat everyone, though.”
Sasuke took the beer back and started walking towards the living room. “I’m so sorry I missed it.”
“You should be, it was great.”
“Has Sai said fuck yet?” Sasuke asked.
“Nah.” Naruto shook his head and looked around. Oh! They were at the sofa. Excellent. He pushed Sasuke down and sat half-next to and half-on-top of him.
“Move, dead last.” Sasuke shoved him off.
“Hey. Sasuke, who won the Madden tournament last year?” Kiba asked.
“I don’t care,” Sasuke opened a beer. “Probably Shikamaru.”
Sai leaned in from the porch. “Is Sasuke here?”
“Yeah.”
“Excellent.” He stepped in and cupped his hands around his mouth, clearly preparing to yell.
“Oh shit!”
“Everyone!” Sai announced. “I’m ready to say it!”
A cheer sounded from all corners of the house. Naruto threw himself up from the couch and sprinted into the kitchen, whooping.
~~~
The next morning, he watched the video. He saw Sai step into the kitchen, and the camera zoomed in on his small, wobbly smile. He saw said smile abruptly drop. The camera zoomed out as Sai paced across the kitchen when a wildly laughing Naruto Uzumaki appeared in the frame.
There was a clearly audible ‘Fuck you.’
The camera shook as the videographer cheered, but he could still see Sai calmly grab the back of his head and slam it down into the cake. Naruto winced as he saw himself fall forward, cake splattering everywhere. Sakura screamed Sasuke jumped over…was that Kiba? And the video cut out.
“Totally worth it.” Naruto sighed contentedly and picked a piece of frosting out of his hair.
~~~
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hands
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my, roses in my hands
Would you get them if I did?
Naruto knocked quietly on the door.
"Hey," he called. "Um. Are you okay, Sasuke?"
The music paused.
“Because, no judgment,” Naruto continued. “But it is 8 am and everybody can hear the John Mayer.”
There was a quiet thumping noise, then footsteps. Sasuke opened the door a crack and stuck his head out.
"What?" he snapped.
“Uh, the music? Could you not hear me?"
"I'm fine," Sasuke said, glaring at Naruto's shoulder.
Naruto frantically ran through his mental list of ‘days that made Sasuke sad, grumpy, angry, or extra-quiet’. There weren't any soon. “Uh. Are you...hungry?”
“No.”
"Do you want me to get you coffee?"
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "You're making it worse, moron. Go away."
"Hey!"
Sasuke slammed the door.
Naruto started knocking again. "What would Dr. Tsunade say about this? You're isolating again! Sasuke!”
There was no response. Naruto sighed. The music resumed, even louder now.
“Taylor Swift is better! " He yelled, retreating.
But you won't,
Cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone