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Chapter Text

Logan was quite excited to get to work, he'd received a very exciting opportunity, and had been emailing his superiors all night about the discovery. 

What discovery? A new species. One that couldn't be categorised on site, and could even be its own genus with how unique it was. And it was being sent to his lab. He had to physically fight the urge to disregard the speed limit, allowing himself to smile whilst alone. Just think of all the research he could achieve! 

The most important part was learning and observing as much as he could about the creature. It's reported as non-sapient and so is being held in a secure enclosure, kept in the darkness had the creature going to sleep, so Logan at least knew the creature wasn't nocturnal. As far as anyone knew, this was the only creature of its kind--data would need to be collected on the best diet, suitable enrichment, enclosure temperature and humidity, along with all its biometric data to ensure they can keep it healthy. 

Driving past the barriers, Logan parked his car in his usual spot, and he gathered his things - briefcase, jacket, smartphone, keys - before making his way inside. He stopped at the receptionist's desk, smiling politely, if a little wider than usual due to his excitement. 

"Hello, Dot. I was told you'd have some paperwork for me?" 

Dot chuckled with a nod, standing up to go and search a filing cabinet. The woman was meticulous in her organisation, which Logan appreciated - regardless, the two got on very well. 

"Ah, yes, Professor Sanders. The only person that gets excited over paperwork. Here it is, dear" she slid him a dark blue file, and a form on top to confirm he'd collected said file. Logan swiftly filled it out, sliding it back over. 

"Thank you, Dot. I would love to chat, but I've got something very important to do, so-" 

Dot simply waved him off with a smile, and Logan was grateful. He wasn't the best at navigating social situations, and was unsure if excusing himself was going to cause upset. 

Regardless, he made his way to his work station, knowing the new specimen was already there, taking the time standing in the elevator to skim over the paperwork given to him. It contained notes on everything they knew about the creature, which was pretty minimal. It was arachnid at first glance, although it's appearance was more akin to the mythical Drider, with at least part of it lacking an exoskeleton and instead having body hair. It was black with a purplish shine - Logan would presume it lived in some form of cave system because of, assuming the colouring was to appear as a coruscating gem to either hide or hunt.

Logan tucked the file under his arm, taking a breath to steel himself as he entered. His lab assistant, Remington Alvas (a student from the local University on work placement), was half asleep in his usual chair, jacket thrown over himself, earphones in, glasses still on with phone in his hand. It was a regrettably common site. Logan cleared his throat, then spoke slightly louder than usual. 

"Goodmorning, Remington" 

The student jerked awake, almost launching his phone across the room, and Logan allowed himself a small smile at the bemused expression. 

"Logan! Shit bag, you're going to frighten me to death one of these days." 

He was quick to put his personal belongings away in a metal locker, removing his blazer and replacing it with a crisp white lab coat, fresh from the steriliser. He was rather fond of the sassy student, who didn't seem to take offence or mock his more than lacking social skills and encouraged the otherwise stoic professor to engage in some healthy, engaging 'banter' 

"It is highly improbable to 'scare someone to death', even if they had considerable cardiovascular conditions before hand; which, to my knowledge, you do not" as though scared Remy was hiding a secret fatal disease, he sent a stressed side-eye to the student who smiled easily and shook his head. Logan relaxed slightly "So if you were to keel over from cardiac arrest, I would be inclined to point the metaphorical finger of blame onto the copious amounts of coffee you consume on a regular basis" 

The chit chat comfortably went back and forth, Remy dramatically pretending to be offended while he worked on setting up the station and dressed himself in the ppe, and Logan went about collecting empty forms he would need to complete. 

He washed and dried his hands, grabbed his file work, a clip board, and a voice recorder machine and prepared to meet the specimen.

"Professor Logan Sanders, October Nineteenth, time is currently eight thirty-two AM. I am joined by lab assistant and final year University student Remington Alvas who has the necessary training to sterilise, set up station, feed, and handle the specimen - while under my guidance. Initial investigation and observation of new specimen of uncertain famalia. The specimen was captured by field scientist unintentionally, being caught in a pitfall trap intended for a different species entirely. The specimen was enclosed in a secure, clear container and was transported to this facility and has been unattended but on a video feed for a little over seven hours. I shall take height and weight measurements from the specimen first,"

The enclosure was around a meter and a half tall, slightly elevated so it was within Logan's eyeline. He hadn't gathered a clear look at the creature, as the enclosure had been left dark, and it'd already made a surprising mass of webbing. Remy had prepared and sanitised containers to put the creature in whilst being weighed, and was standing close by to assist with any restraining should the creature try to make an escape. 

Wearing protective gloves - in case the hairs on the creatures' body were irritants, or it was inclined to bite him - Logan unlocked the cage with an excited anticipation. Using both hands, he slowly scooped the creature up. It appeared like a tarantula, although it was the size of a standard rabbit. He applied a firm yet gentle pressure onto the creatures carapace to prevent it from wriggling out his hands, although it seemed remarkably tame and barely even reacted besides looking up at Logan in what seemed to be curiosity. Dozens of eyes filled the creatures face, some so small they looked like freckles and Logan had to bite down the urge to coo. 

Blinking, and pointedly not looking at Remy's questioning glance, he began speaking for the audio recording as he placed the creature in the container as gently as possible. 

"The creature is rather subdued, whether that is its true temperament or a result of me handling whilst it was resting under its light cycle is undetermined. Regardless it allowed itself to be carried in a standard hold, and is content to be seated in the weighing container"

Indeed, as soon as Logan sealed the top of the container, the curious spider creature immediately set to work creating webbing in its area. Either it had a high prey drive, or preferred to be confined; or perhaps both. He made a note of this, speaking as he did so. 

It took awhile for the creature to settle long enough for him to get an accurate reading, which allowed him time to simply observe. Remy was being oddly quiet, watching with folded arms and a schooled expression. He seemed rather uncomfortable with an arachnid present. Logan, on the other hand, found the creature rather endearing. Its Spinnereta glands were in working at least, with how effortlessly it could create the web. He'd use this container to gather a sample of the webbing - it's protein content should help reveal some information on its diet and lifestyle. 

"The specimen is weighted at six-hundred and-forty-three-point-zero-eight grams. We will now measure the specimen." 

Yet again, Logan took great care in removing the creature from the container, and yet again it was perfectly docile asides from a small chittering that lacked the characteristics of a typical threat display, and therefore Logan interpreted as harmless. This next part may prove a little trickier and required Logan to be a little more tactile with it. Well, Remy had to be tactile, he would be the one pinning it. 

"Remy, if you could. Hold down the carapace and sternum, it should instinctively spread its legs out so the measurement will be accurate. Be careful on the sternum, it has what appear to be eyes littered around it - they may be mimicry to ward off predators, but we aren't going to take that chance and will assume they're functioning organs connected to optical nerves"

Remy nodded, mouth in a grim line of disgust as he did as he was told

"it's just freaky looking, spiders shouldn't be this big"

Logan hummed noncommittally as he lined the measuring tape. 

"I agree, our understanding of how arachnids work would state that an invertebrate could not reach this size. It may not even be an arachnid, as its upper section seems to be more mammalian. It may even fall into a Genus all of its own - and isn't that extremely exciting? "

Remy pouted, shrugging

" yeah, I guess, it's just a bit weird. I guess it'll grow on me, tho"

Logan chuckled at that as he measured, its over all height, over all width, and measured diagonally from the tarsus of its longest front leg, and longest back leg. After measuring its torso, he declared it done, and instructed Remy to place it back into its enclosure while he recorded the measurements.

"The specimen has a Chelicerae and Pedipalps which suggests it partakes in self grooming. I will spray non-chlorinated water in the enclosure to hopefully encourage it to groom, so we may observe the process. Cameras will be recording and will be provided along side documents and this audio recording."

Spray bottle at the ready, Logan aimed and sprayed a fine mist within the enclosure. The creatures didn't react at first, until the mist settled atop it, and the creature hissed furiously, lurching to life and running half up the enclosure. Logan felt a strange burst of guilt as he shut the door, preventing it from escaping. After a few moments it seemed to settle, using its Pedipalps to groom compulsively at its face, seemingly irritated on an emotional level; if non sentient creatures had the mental capacity to be upset, that is. 

Sighing with a slight air of sadness as the creature chittered and clicked, retreating back into the almost opaque web tunnel it had created. Logan sighed yet again. 

"The specimen appears over stimulated, not reacting well to being misted. We will stimulate a night cycle by tinting the observation glass on the inside looking out - we will still be able to see clearly looking on- and turning the internal heat lamp off. It responded well enough last time, and hopefully by the afternoon it'll be a well enough temperament to be handled again and we can try to determine a diet. In the mean time, the observational camera will continue filming, but this recording will be paused - "

Logan clicked off the voice recorder, humming as he dimmed the glass and deactivated the heat lamp for the little spider. He looked at Remy, who was eyeing his own mobile phone longingly, obviously hopeful for a break. Logan shook his head, laughing slightly at the ensuing whine. 

"Afraid not, Remington. We've got plenty work to be doing while the creature rests" 

Remy groaned. 

Chapter Text

Logan's attention was pulled away from his paperwork by a gentle tapping noise coming from the enclosure. Glancing up he saw the arachnid type creature awake from its mid morning nap, tapping upon the glass with its pedipalps and once Logan had looked up it began chittering loudly, stepping side to side and tapping its two front legs together as though clapping. Logan couldn't help but smile at the display - he knew nothing about the behaviour of this animal, for all he knew it could be threatening to kill him, but from a human perspective it seemed so happy and he couldn't ignore the warmth that gave him.

Logan made his way over slowly but deliberately as to not appear predatory. The creature gave no indication it was threatened, no hissing or preparing to lunge or even going to hide in the expanse of webbing it had created. He'd sent the sample webs off to be tested. For now Logan was going to presume its current body language was relaxed, unless any further information contradicted that. 

"Hello, little one," he couldn't even feel ridiculous for addressing a creature he'd known for a few hours with such adoration. Luckily Remy wasn't here to watch (and undoubtedly mock) his soft side "Did you enjoy your sleep? Apologies for the spraying, I'll avoid that in the future. Would you like your light and heat on? Here" 

Logan flipped the heat lamp on, smiling wider as the creature chittered some more before scurrying to the top of its enclosure in a truly impressive speed. It was so very interesting. He watched the creature circling the lamp, every so often leaning up to nuzzle into the plastic cover before chittering, then repeating the motions - Logan couldn't decipher the meaning behind that particular motion. Whatever the creature was trying to do ceased as Remy burst through the door, lugging in the crate of foods - items that could be parts of the creature's diet. Though his assistant had done exactly as he asked, he couldn't help but sigh as the creature hissed furiously, curling up in a little ball. 

"Try being a little quieter, Remington. Or knocking. What if I'd had the creature out? And your noise startled the both of us, then suddenly the creature is loose?" 

Remy raised an unimpressed brow behind his shades, plopping the crate unceremoniously onto the counter. 

" Girl, how many times I gotta say it, REMY. Got it? R-E-M-Y. Second, this crate is heavy as shit, I had to put it down quick "

Logan sighed, all though he was smiling, and slowly stood. 

"Regardless, you've spooked it. It's in a death curl - not the best way to begin this, ideally it would've been in the best possible mood before we began to feed it. Who knows if it'll even eat now its stressed" 

Remy at least had the decency to look scolded, looking down sheepishly as he continued unpacking the various food stuffs. Logan simply tutted, and went to begin recording information yet again. 

"Professor Logan Sanders, October Nineteenth. Time is two-sixteen pm. We are beginning a diet test with various food sources. From physical observations, the creature seems most likely to be an insectivore, frugivore, or a scavenger. Or even a mixture of the three. We're going to begin with various live prey, in hopes of capturing the hunt. The creature is currently in a death curl, as it is easy to startle. Hopefully it shall abandon the defensive position once prey is in the vicinity."

Remy fished a calcium-covered cricket with a pair of tweezers as Logan opened the enclosure door. Logan reached backwards for the tweezers, not taking his eyes off the creature in case it tried to escape. It remained in a ball. 

" First, I'm going to offer it a Silent Brown Cricket, live, and coated in calcium powder for extra nutrients," 

Carefully, Logan leaned in with the tweezers, offering the squirming insect to the creature. It twitched slightly, acknowledging that it noticed, but remained curled up. A few seconds, just as he was prepared to pull back, the creature uncurling, chittering slightly as it moved forward. Both scientists waited for a pounce, or some sequence of attack, but it simply strolled over and raised its two pedipalps and grabbed the insect, almost like a hug, tugging slightly until Logan let go. It held the squirming prey close, rocking back and forth slightly as it chittered, then dipping its head low to lean in. A gooey crunch was heard, with a slight pause as the creature suckled on the brain matter and let the rest of the cricket drop to the floor as it walked off, apparently content with simply draining the haemolymph. Curious. 

"I guess it doesn't really need to hunt if you're just holding it out, huh? It takes the easier route in life, I can respect that" 

Remy punctuated his statement with a sip of coffee, smiling behind the straw at Logan's exasperated glance. Honestly. 

"Very amusing. Pass me the next food." 

They continued for the better part of an hour, testing different insects. It never attempted to consume the carcasses, and sometimes it didn't even feed - simply killing the prey before turning to Logan expectantly. Others it didn't even touch, and attempting to feed it an earth worm garnered a particularly aggressive reaction of hisses and the reveal of previously unseen barbs across all its limbs as it lunged for Logan's hand, spitting an inky substance as it went. 

("Remy, bring me a slide. It just secreted on me and I'd like to analyse it." 

The assistant moved to comply, sarcastically grumbling "Yeah, of course you would" as he went. Logan elected to ignore it) 

They'd then moved onto fruits, and Logan was surprised that it seemed to enjoy them. It accepted a few nibbles of both apple and pear, but didn't seem to overly enjoy. It'd most likely eat them in the wild, but not seek them out. It enjoyed bananas a great deal, crooning and chittering, staring longingly at where the tub of mushed banana had been left even as Logan moved onto other foods. Citrus fruits garnered a similar response to the worms, but what it really seemed to enjoy was berries. Every single berry was met enthusiastically. 

"Awww, he likes Loganberries ain't that cute" 

Logan turned his attention from the chittering creature, blushing slightly as he was yet again caught staring at the creature in unguarded wonder. 

"Ahh, yes, well I'm just surprised it's still up to eating. It must've eaten its whole body weight by now." 

Remy simply shrugged, sat a good distance away. He was still unable to shake off his unease around the creature, and had actually volunteered himself to do paperwork, if only to stay clear away from it.

"It's probably gonna nap for ages after eating a shit-tonne, it's what most spiders do. Hell, I do that…" 

Logan sighed slightly, but supposed Remy did have a point. Only two things left to try, a sunflower seed and a small piece of pure cheese. Normally dairy was a risky thing to give to an animal without knowing its diet, but the webbing produced had a high count of lactose, lactic acid, and lipid - suggesting it was getting some form of dairy in its life quite frequently. 

He began with the block of cheese, placing it in front of the creature before shutting the glass door of the enclosure and watching. 

It definitely seemed interested, crawling closer to inspect the block. It placed a few limbs on it, before climbing up onto it and chittering in the way Logan had hypothesised to be positive. Logan smiled. The creature continued examining the block for a few moments - cheese wasn't naturally occurring, so it may take a while for it to realise it's the same as the milk it was most likely consuming in its habitat. However, it didn't attempt to eat the cheese at all. It picked the block up, much like it did with the insects, and walked off with it. Logan blinked in confusion, looking into the side of the enclosure as it disappeared into a burrow with the block. 

Then it began meticulously webbing up the cheese, careful and elegant weaving of stands was mesmerising, even if Logan couldn't deduce what it was trying to achieve. Did it need to eat it with the webbing? Maybe the webbing counteracted a chemical in the dairy it found harmful. Or maybe it provides extra nutrients, but it hadn't attempted to web anything else. 

After a good fifteen minutes, the creature seemed to be done, climbing the short distance to the ceiling of the web-made burrow, angled over the block. Logan paid particular attention - perhaps it was going to practice pouncing in incapacitated prey? 

Nope, this magnificent creature would continue to prove him wrong. It simply trilled, then promptly spewed the same oily substance it tried to attack Logan with, all over the food, before doing the same display of assumed happiness that it did before. 

How fascinating. 

It seemed Remy could predict the creatures actions, however, as it completely ignored all attempts to be fed the sunflower seed, and nestled itself firmly in webbing before falling asleep, carapace rattling slightly with silent snores. 

Why on earth was it so cute? 

Chapter Text

It took a week for the creature to stir again, which granted wasn't abnormal for an animal to do after an extremely large meal, but Logan still spent the whole week fluttering around the lab, periodically making sure the heat lamp was warm enough and that the water dish was definitely close enough for it to reach if need be. All the paperwork had been completed at this stage, all the samples they'd garnered analysed. There was nothing to do but wait for the creature to wake up, 

If it'll wake up a concerned part of him whispered, but he shook it off. Sat at the laboratory desk quietly eating a store-bought sandwich, Logan wholly expected another day of no activity, and was planning work for himself just to get through the day without going sick from worry. Even though he was rather distracted, he still noticed Remy - who was sat on the desk and drinking a truly abhorrent cup of coffee that surely had enough coffee to kill him, but alas - freeze for a moment, before pointing at the enclosure

"Your thing is awake" 

Logan's head snapped to the enclosure, lunch thoroughly forgotten as he saw little legs twitching and stirring. His face was pressed to the glass like a child at the aquarium as he watched it awaken, stretching each leg out individually and vibrating in such a way that its carapace rattled slightly before it let out a happy chirp - was that its equivalent of cracking one's back in the morning? Curious. 

The creature noticed him, turning its many eyes to look up at Logan, blinking slightly out of sync. Logan backed up, suddenly very aware that not only was his behaviour very unprofessional, but could very easily have appeared predatory and scared the little thing to death. He knelt to be less imposing, and couldn't keep the smile off his face as the creature chittered, chirped, and danced back and forth in greeting. It was so cute, and he'd definitely missed it in the last week. 

"Hello, welcome back. I take it you enjoyed your meal, huh?" 

Behind him, Remy scoffed lightly as he began setting up a trolley, 

"why's it always so cute for you, then when I'm left alone with it, it'll either hiss or just stares me down with its bagillion eyes" 

Logan simply shrugged, gently lifting the creature yet again into his arms. And yet again it didn't seem to mind being carried, simply looking around at the new perspective as it was gently placed atop the work bench. It trilled, almost as if asking a question, and despite it being an animal Logan felt the urge to soothe him and answer the question, 

"No need to worry, we're not going to hurt you. We'll be performing some non-invasive tests and then as a reward you can…" 

Logan glanced around, honestly it wasn't like it needed an incentive or reward considering it had been nothing but compliant, but still - aha, his abandoned lunch was still out, and he saw the fruit he brought from home. 

"You can have some banana, yeah? You really enjoyed it last week, so you can have some banana for being a good…" Hmm. They needed to determine its sex soon enough "... For being good." 

Remy sat across from him on the bench, with that stupid teasing smile that he wore everytime Logan fell that bit more endeared with the creature. Logan scoffed silently and straightened up. 

"Have you considered an appropriate classification for it yet?" 

Logan blinked. A genuine, work related question from Remy. Strange. 

"I haven't, but we can rule out arachnid despite its appearance. It qualifies for an insect strangely enough, though it seems under the carapace plates it has flesh similar to a mammal - plus few presence of lactose could indicate mamalia if it's getting fed that instead of searching for it"

Remy leaned forward, chin on his hands as he stared at Logan behind dark shades. 

"It could belong to the Dasypodidae family, or maybe Pholidota . We'll need to test to see which ancestor gave it the extra limbs and eyes though, try and trace if there's any relatives on the tree. We also need to determine a sex, and the hormone processes. If it's a female we'll have to track mating habits and ovulation, if it's staying here long term and we find no males of the species we may have to spay it to stop hormone - related tumours from forming - a life span needs to be determined, we have no idea how old this thing is, if your theory about it still feeding is correct we could have nabbed an infant "

Logan swallowed thickly. He had an idea where this was going, 

" As much as you love playing with your new spider pet, girl, we can't keep performing observation after observation, giving it the day off every time it gets upset, and staving off testing. I know you don't wanna hurt it or kill its trust in you, but if we keep providing no information they'll just move it to a different team. You get me, babes?"

Sometimes Logan forgot how intelligent Remy was, how much more perceptive the sassy student could be. He was right, obviously, and Logan had known this but it still stung to have it all be lay out on the table. He took a steadying breath and nodded miserably, looking at the creature that was simply exploring the surface it had been placed on. No attempt to run off or attack - it was just as curious as Logan was. 

The creature suddenly turned and looked at Logan and his no doubt saddened expression and scuttled forward, low whistles escaping it as it placed a pedipalp gently on his forearm and let out a long sound that almost sounded like someone trying to enunciate an 'L' 

The proud scientist smiled slightly, and gave it a very gentle head pat - which it seemed to enjoy.  He whispered a gentle "thank you" before turning his attention to the apprentice, 

"You're right, Remy. Of course you are. I've been putting off invasive testing for my own comfort, but that needs to stop. Contact labs to get some slots open, and bring the kit. We'll… Get as much as possible done in one go." 

Remy nodded, looking a little sobered up. Thankfully he most likely knew how much Logan was struggling and was withholding his usual jabs. 

Testing on a creature you'd grown so fond of was more emotionally draining than one could imagine. They'd tried to be as gentle as possible, giving it small breaks and little snacks of banana in between - but it had stopped accepting after the first two times, perhaps realising that a treat didn't mean finished. 

They'd taken fibres from both the carapace and legs - it had squealed on every pluck, and Logan's comforts were not effective when he was clearly the cause of it. After they'd used a harmless dye (fluorescein) to drop into one of its eyes. Remy had to pin the poor thing down while the CT scan mapped out the inner workings of the creature's incredible eyes. 

Though Logan couldn't be too excited, the screeching sounded like a baby's wail, and guilt chewed at his stomach even after they'd finished. Once he let it go, it had scurried off, compulsively rubbing at its face with its pedipalps, still releasing the cry-like noise that hurt Logan deeply. He tried to give it some banana, but it felt like poor penance. Logically he knew the creature wasn't in pain - perhaps a little sting at the initial drop, but no more. He still felt horrible knowing he'd stressed it out so much. 

"Alright, we need a venom sample this… It's not gonna enjoy this"

Remy clicked his tongue, searching for a vial from the trolley 

"It hasn't liked any of this, babes. All you can do is try to keep it comfortable, yeah?" 

The scientist sighed, but nodded, taking the vial and re-sanitising his gloves. The vial was sterile, and had a fake skin cork. He needed to get the creature to try and bite it, penetrating the cork and dripping its venom into the vial for testing and analysis. As he psyched himself up, Remy wordlessly moved to pin the creature again, who began its heartbroken screeching as it seemingly sensed another invasive process. 

Before he could chicken out, Logan moved forward and carefully gripped the creatures head, careful of the eyes, and managed to pierce the fake skin with the fang, wincing as the noise increased. Small drops of black dribbled out tediously slow, and Logan was forced to rub at the surrounding glands to speed the process up. For once it was trying to resist being held, wailing in distress and trying to escape Remy's clinical hold. 

"Shh, shh you're ok. You're ok, shh. Look, darling, we're done now. All Done. All done, there we go." 

Remy put the sample away, lipping the word 'darling' at Logan, who promptly ignored him. The student returned with a scalpel and slide, smiling sheepishly, 

" This is the last thing. Promise, babes, then you can play with the little cretin as much as you want" 

Virgil wailed, Virgil screamed, but the humans didn't stop. He needed papa, it was so scary - he thought the man with the blue tie was nice, he gave Virgil nice food and smiled warm when Virgil happy wiggled. The man reminded him of papa, sometimes, but papa would never do this. He was being held down which was scary enough, but then someone was grabbing his back leg and he hissed on instinct as he tried to pull it back but that didn't work. 

The blue man was speaking in low tones, trying to soothe Virgil but he didn't understand why - Virgil could tell the man controlled what happened to Virgil, so if he was as sorry as he looked why wasn't he doing anything about it? 

Virgil let out a 'tssssssttssss' at the man, the same thing he cries at papa when he's very upset. A stinging-scratch on his leg makes the volume increase, distressed warbles becoming distorted as his tempest tongue activated. The two men looked uncomfortable, but Virgil was too young to have powers strong enough. At best they probably felt a little tummy-sick and ringing ears, but nothing more. He let up the barbs on his legs, but they hardly seemed bothered. 

Papa wasn't coming, was he? He never waits this long when Virgil is crying. Infact, he seems to appear before Virgil even realises he wants to cry, and cuddles the owies away. 

Even his brother, as icky and gross as he could be, wouldn't let him cry like this. 

The scritching continued, and he could feel flakes of hardened exoskeleton flaking off. Virgil wailed some more, it's all the baby could do. The sound of his own skin popping off was going to haunt him, he's certain. 

Eventually the painful scratches stop, and the human with weird eyes backed off as he was picked up. He liked being held - just sitting in the box was boring, and the lack of contact caused his anxieties to mound - but the man didn't spend any time giving him head pats of just holding him close like he sometimes did. He was instead very quickly dropped back into his boring box. He very quickly scuttled into his webbing, scared he'd get nabbed again, and croaked sadly. No cuddles, no papa, no Re-Re.

He climbed up to his little sleeping tunnel, stepping over the lil block, he meticulously began wrapping himself, just like how he caught prey, and allowed the lines to be tight around him. 

It wasn't a hug, but it was something. 

Logan gently wiped his wet eyes, struggling to maintain a professional demeanour. He'd deposited the creature back into its enclosure, assuming it could soothe itself and would want away from them for now. 

Something in its cries, it set off the paternal instincts within him. The level of distress was similar to his son's when he had broken his elbow last summer. Logan had had nightmares for the next few weeks after the incident, and he could honestly see them returning. 

He would try and determine an intelligence for this creature, after it has rested sufficiently. The wails seemed to have too much… distress and fear, to be a basic pain cry. 

He glanced at Remy, who also looked rather upset. He glanced down at the sample they'd gathered, frowning. 

"So, uh, that kinda made me feel like shit." the student confessed

Logan nodded, "I fear I'm going to be guilty about that for quite some time." 

Remy looked him up and down, nodding numbly and probably deciding Logan was right. 

"I'm, uh, gonna take these samples… We can plan for tomorrow, okay? Get some enrichment, play with it." 

Remy left with the sample cart, and Logan hugged himself, head dipped slightly. 

He was determined - the creature was going to be the happiest little thing ever , tomorrow. 

Chapter Text

Remy groaned softly, looking up from his phone as the creature tapped on the glass yet again, chirping and wriggling around. It'd been doing that for the past two hours, and it wasn't helping his hangover. 

"Girl, I told you. Logan isn't here, you tap tap tapping ain't gonna do shit" 

Though he was most likely imagining it, the creature seemed to understand the sentiment, shuddering in that creepy way that made its carapace shake, and whined slightly. Could it understand him? Was it actually upset that Logan wasn't here? 

Great, doing a Logan and projecting on it. If I start cooing at it I'm quitting. 

He shook his head slightly, frowning when he saw it prying at its own carapace with its fangs, whirring and whining. He tapped at the glass in an attempt to make it stop - he had no idea if that was normal behaviour, they'd never seen it do that, and he didn't want to get in trouble for allowing the thing to mutilate itself by the time Logan got back. 

The tap of glass did stop the creature, but surprisingly it seemed thrilled by it, hopping back on to its back two legs to do a little arm-wave-boogie and chittering the same it did at the banana. Remy paused, and repeated the action. 

It chittered and tapped right back on the glass, before scurrying back and dancing. Remy tilted his head, and tried to picture what the creature was seeing. 

"I guess my hand does kinda look like another creature thingy? Is that what it is, huh?" 

As expected, the critter didn't respond other than bobbing up and down in anticipation - much like a dog waiting for the ball to be thrown. Remy chuckled slightly, before tapping the glass, and the reaction was much the same. A loud trill before the action was mimicked. 

The little game continued for quite a while, the critter growing more lethargic as they played, though seemed determined to continue. Not wanting to exhaust it first thing in the morning, Remy eventually stopped, feeling a little bad as it continued tapping away in hopes of a response. 

"Lil thing, please, just chill until Logan gets here, kay?" 

After a few more taps it stretched again before wandering off to do… Who knows what, in the little catacombs of webbing it had created. Just as Remy had finished assembling the most fire playlist, the door swung open to reveal a harried looking Logan, hair untidy and button up slightly ruffled. The creature squeaked and dropped into a curl as Remy put his hands on his hips, revelling in the position swap. 

"Wow, girl, look. You've gone and scared it with your unprofessional entrance." 

Logan winced slightly at the playful jab, sending a saddened look to the sentient ball inside the enclosure as he approached the work bench to deposit his jacket and briefcase. 

" I apologise greatly, Remy, leaving you unattended for three hours is grossly negligent on my half, and I'll be entirely understanding if you'd like to make a complaint against my unprofessionalism."

Remy frowned slightly, reading his nervous posture - did he really expect Remy to get him in trouble? 

" Fuck that noise, I ain't getting you in trouble, but what happened? You aren't usually late - like, ever. "

Logan sighed, and shifted around slightly before answering "You're right, I do not make a habit of being late but - well, last night Roman couldn't sleep, so I tried to read him a story, and well… we ended up fast asleep, curled up on his bed and I didn't hear my alarm, and so I was late dropping him off to school, and, "

"I get it, babes, waking up late fucks all your plans up. And anyway, you've got a perfect record for the, what, twenty two years you've been working here? It's fine" 

"Thank you, Remy. You're very kind. This won't happen again." 

Remy shrugged, nonchalant, pulling out files from the cabinet. 

"It's whatever. You see to your spider baby" 

Logan nodded, making his way over, and Remy felt the need to add "It's been asking for you all morning" 

The reaction was worth it, the scientist perking up greatly with a dumbass, excited smile on his face as he rushed off to tend to his little creature. 

Logan crouched at the enclosure, humming happily as the creature ran up to give a greeting, wagging around. Logan smiled as he unlocked the enclosure, gently scooping the critter up while mummering gently. He didn't want the creature to think they were going to perform more distressing examinations today. The opposite, in fact. Today was the day they try to engage it with enrichment to see what it likes! Enrichment varies from animal to animal, and usually reflects what that animal does in the wild. Seeing what it likes to play with will hopefully give insight to activities it engages with in its natural habit - yep, that's the only reason. I'm definitely not just doing this because I feel ridiculously guilty about yesterday. 

"Oh, Lo, it was prying at its carapace and whining earlier. I made it stop cause I didn't know if that was normal."

Logan glanced at Remy, who gave him a shrug. While the student was still doing paperwork, he didn't sit as far away as usual and wasn't as stiff in his posture. Logan vaguely wondered what had happened while he was gone, but shook the thought off and leaned down to inspect the little critter. 

"Yes, I can see some damage around the Cephalothorax and there's blood underneath from the pulling…" his attention went to the creature, placing it down on the table and gliding a gentle finger over its body "What's the matter, little one? Why are you hurting yourself, hmm?" 

The creature obviously didn't respond, staring at Logan silently before shifting, moving to bite at that hardened carapace, clicking. Logan used a simple wooden depressor - or a 'lolly stick' as Remy called them - to intercept the creature from biting itself, tutting slightly as it hissed. 

"Please don't, little creature. That seems to hurt. Let me look," 

Logan gently traced his finger over the area, looking for signs of infection or even possible parasites festering underneath and causing bother. However, as soon as he did so, the critter scurried back. At first he thought it was uncomfortable - trying to avoid an inspection - and sadly resigned himself to pinning the poor thing down for the second day in a row. To his surprise, however, the creature merely chittered and wiggled, coming back towards him and standing on its back legs to expose the area he was trying to look at. Did it enjoy it? 

Testing his theory, Logan gave it a little firmer of a scratch, and it downright trilled in delight. Logan felt a smile at his cheeks, scritching and scratching as the creature cheered him on with adorable little chitters and chirps. 

Even Remy had come over to inspect what was happening, clearly trying to restrain a smile 

"Hmm, I think it forgives you, Lo" 

The thought made his shoulders relax slightly as he nodded, though his response was cut short by the vibrations coming off the creature. The both went silent and stared - Logan's hand was still, and after a few seconds the vibrating stopped and the creature was chirping at him, as though complaining. When Logan hesitantly continued, the vibrating continued. 

After a few minutes, when his brain caught up, he realised that it was purring

As though the creature couldn't get any more endearing, here it was purring as he scratched under it's chin. 

If the creature kept getting cuter, Logan wasn't sure how much longer he was going to be able to cope 

Chapter Text

By the time midday rolled around, Logan had somewhat recovered from the surprise of the critter's cute habits, though that's not to say he stopped giving it scratches every so often just to watch its reactions. He was excited to move onto their plans to try and engage the little one, and thankfully he'd remembered the toys he'd packed - though probably only as he'd put them in his car last night. 

The box contained some of Roman's old toys, sanitised, obviously, and carefully checked to make sure it couldn't pull anything off that it could then try to eat. He'd also packed a few basic enrichments - a ball, some toilet roll tubes, paper straws. 

They'd allowed the creature free roam of the table, trusting its docility - and the security of the locked door and windows. It seemed to appreciate just standing near either scientist as they worked, occasionally coming closer to sit next to them. Remy was skimming lab results as Logan set up some coloured blocks, 

"He's a baby" 

Logan glanced up, quirking a brow. He wholeheartedly expected Remy to be discussing one of his many crushes posting something on social media, but the students attention was still on the files before him. 

"What do you mean? Who's a baby?" 

Remy pointed his pen at the creature, who chittered and began inspecting the clicking mechanism. Logan blinked slowly, watching the creature. 

"The blood and DNA tests. It's a male and the protein count indicates it's still an infant." 

Logan still couldn't articulate a response, staring at the creature blankly as it played with Remy's pen, batting at it and chittering as Remy slowly moved it back and forth. It certainly made sense, how easily he was able to warm up to the two dedicated to its care, its habit of mimicking simple gestures, and how it took most every opportunity to try and engage them in play. Yet a part of him couldn't help but fret - were they going to be able to provide everything it needs? They had no idea what its parents would've taught it behaviour wise, undoubtedly its young life was going to be impacted severely by captivity. Where were the parents? Given they're apparent level of intelligence, were they mourning? Searching? - 

"Wait does that mean this creature is gonna get bigger??" 

Logan glanced at Remy and smiled sheepishly. It certainly seemed so. Remy gave an exasperated sigh and flopped back in his seat. The creature watched him, before trying to mimic, throwing himself back and trilling in delight. Cute. 

" Well, no matter how big it gets, it'll be our responsibility to accommodate. But for now, we have work to be doing" 

With that, Logan pulled out a rattle - gave it a shake to demonstrate what it was, and then placed it in front of the creature. 

It immediately scuttled towards it, smacking at the top of the rattle with much more force than expected. As the rattle rolled in a circle, the beads inside made a noise similar to rainpour, which is what the creature seemed to have been going for as it chittered excitably the then crouched, staring at the now still rattle. After a few moments, it vocalised a damn near perfect imitation of the rattle sound, before looking up at Logan and wiggling slightly. He felt the urge to reward the little creature, smiling and giving it a scratch. 

"Well, it definitely enjoys mimicking things." 

Remy smirked at that, flicking the rattle to make a noise, which the creature instantly copied. 

"I could've told you that, girl" 

Logan smiled softly, scribbling down notes "We'll have to test the capacity of its mimicking abilities at a later date, for now let's see how it responds to….. These" 

He gently placed down three blocks, the primary colours, onto the table. The creature meandered over, tilting its whole body sideways in curiosity before tapping at the yellow block. It used all its limbs to scale onto the block, legs tucked in awkwardly as it squeaked and dithered its carapace to rattle. A few moments of observation told them it wasn't planning to do anything beyond standing on the block looking pleased with itself. 

"Well the creature seems to enjoy… Climbing, I suppose. We aren't really finding anything new out."

Remy hummed absently, training his phone camera on the creature. Logan trusted him enough to not share any images or videos, but the student often thought he didn't notice him snapping pictures of the creature being utterly endearing. 

The creature was so far staring at Logan, but decided to follow his eye line and noticed Remy, stumbling slightly off the block as it made its way over. It was rather interested in Remy's phone, brushing a pedipalp over the back case while chirping. It then moved around to the other side, Remy seemingly too stunned to move it, to inspect the digital screen. Logan had an idea, 

"Remy, could you download an application for infants to engage with? Perhaps it will interact with that" 

Remy rolled his eyes but was already pulling up the game store, mumbling "Sure, yeah, just use all my data like it's nothing. Us college kids are notorious for having buckets of cash" 

Remy flipped his screen round to show the creature, displaying an application. He tapped it to demonstrate - a fairly simple app, tap the colour and a soothing feminine voice said that colour aloud - before allowing the creature to approach. The creature reached up with a pedipalp, tapping gently on green. 

"Green. Yellow. Purple. Green. Yellow. Purple. Green. Yellow. Purple. Green -" 

The creature continued its very deliberate pattern, never one straying from the three colours. It wasn't even like the colours where near each other - it was clearly indicating these colours in particular, and Logan had no idea why. 

" What does that mean, little one? Are you - no, you can't actually be communicating… no, no. Try the Alphabet, if you would please, Remy?" 

Remy hummed, switching from colours to letters "Just letting you know if it spells out REDRUM I'm tossing it towards you to buy me some time to escape" 

Logan rolled his eyes and simply observed. Yet again the creature strolled up without a care, and seemed to know which buttons to press. 

"V. R. J. V. V. V R J. V R J."

Once more the creature had chosen three components, the letter V, the letter R, and the letter J. But why? 

It could, of course, be entirely coincidental. It simply liked the colours, or the shape of the letter so it pressed them - and perhaps he was digging for proof of intelligence due to his own fondness for the creature, but he couldn't help but feel there was intent behind what it was doing. 

"The lil baby creature is pretty weird, huh?" 

Remy had his gaze soley focused on Logan, holding his phone still in one hand as the creature inputted the same three letters over and over. 

"Yes, well, I'm not entirely sure what -" Logan was cut off by loud vibrating, this time not caused by the creature, and Remy's phone blasting out his ring tone. 

The creature was startled enough so when the screen changed to the caller's ID image - a zoomed in, grinning Professor Picani - it was no surprise it entered fight mode. Before Remy could even think to move the phone, the creature was hissing furiously, spitting its corrosive black spit across the screen, instantly causing the screen to glitch out. To make matters worse, it let up the sharp barbs across its legs, squalling like an animal in heat before swiping furiously, rising to its back legs to use more limbs in the fight. 

Remy pulled the phone back, frowning with a look of genuine disappointment. The phone was quite evidently beyond repair, and even as he pulled it out the way, the creature was throwing out all kinds of aggression signs. 

"Remy, I'm truly sorry -" 

Remy cut him off with a long sigh, "It's whatever, girl. I'll go see what Emile wanted on a different phone. They're out on the field right now, they wouldn't call me if it wasn't important." 

He tucked his destroyed phone into his jacket pocket before standing. The creature scurried away as Remy rose, stopping dead in front of Logan with a long croak. Logan very carefully began petting it, managing to smooth it's barbs down gently as it began chirping and crooning, moving into Logan's arms with a chitter. When Logan allowed it to crawl into the crook of his arm, the creature began purring, pulling its limbs into itself while leaning up to nuzzle the fingers petting it. Though Logan was rather concerned that his apprentice was more hurt than he was letting on, he couldn't move the creature was surely close to sleep now. 

After around twenty minuets, it was definitely asleep, chittering its carapace soothingly. Logan found himself cradling it slightly, unabashedly endeared. 

When Remy came through the door, he looked rather shocked, holding a cordless landline phone he'd assumably called Emile on. 

"The… Research team was trying to find another," he pointed vaguely at the bundle in Logan's arms, clearly deciding a comment wouldn't be worth his time

 "but they found another… Thing. And they're bringing it here."

Chapter Text

"Okay, what the fuck is that" 

The student was staring blankly at the new creature as it was dropped into a large tank of sea water. A strange mass of tentacles wriggling and writhing around so much that one couldn't determine the actual form. The instant it was fully submerged in the water, it began lapping the enclosure at a rapid speed. Logan made a mental note to test its speed later, but was more intrigued when neon green bubbles erupted from the creature and bubbled up to the surface - the scent was unpleasant at best, and he spent no time rushing to the supply closet to get ventilators as a precaution. 

"Remy, you'll need to wear this until we confirm the gas it is excreting isn't toxic. Dr Picani and Dr Stokes - thank you for performing the transfer, but I ask you leave to avoid being exposed further" 

The two nodded, bolting the top of the enclosure shut before making their exits, leaving behind the case file at Remy muttered a 'later, babes' 

With the two remaining scientists adequately ventilated, they approached the new creature for initial observations - it was certainly lively, never quite staying still. Perhaps it needed to keep moving, or it felt threatened by its capture. His musings were interrupted by a gentle elbow to his arm, Remy pouting up at him and jabbing his thumb towards the other little creature, in its enclosure across the room, cloth draped over it so it wouldn't be startled by all the commotion. 

"Isn't spider-baby gonna get gas attacked too?" 

Logan's eyes widened as he hurried over, scanning the clipboard next to the enclosure about its machinations. A sigh of relief, 

"The enclosure runs on its own oxygen supply, though when taking the creatures out, a grace period of around thirty minutes to allow adequate ventilation. Whatever gas this creature is producing, it will end up in the filtration system. I'll send someone to go and analyse it. "

Remy nodded absently, watching the octopus-like creature still speeding around. 

" You're not going to adopt this one as well, are you? "

Well, Logan couldn't confidently answer that. 

After nearly forty minutes to allow the creature to settle (it didn't) and setting up the station for observation, it was time to get it out. The scientist that captured it had assured Logan that the creature was fine out of water but they kept a pail of water out, just in case. 

"Alright, open the hatch, please. And be on guard, this one is likely to be more active than the other" 

Net at the ready, Logan waiting for Remy to unbolt then lift the hatch, dunking the net in. It took less than a minute for the creature's rapid movements to get tangled up, the scientist quick to lift it out, manhandling it out of the net and into the transportation box - Remy quick to secure the lid. 

"Perfect work. Let's get it down, be careful on the steps." 

The two lifted the carrier by the handle, careful as they took the steps down the side of the tank. The creature was still flailing around, and up close he could see eyes peeking from between the tentacles. A familiar fondness bubbled within him as he watched, gently depositing the creature on the desk. 

"There's no way we can get that out, it's too wriggly" 

Logan hummed in thought, watching it writhe. It wouldn't be preferable, but he was sure they'd manage. 

"We'll keep it in the box to weigh, then we'll use the velcro restraints, keeping the tentacles in groups of three. It'll prevent such extreme wriggling and make it easier to count" 

It was agreed, and getting the box full of squirming aquatic life was no easy feat but eventually they got the measurements - a hefty 14.6kg. Clearly the main mass is the muscle of the tentacles, that were already slamming on the lid to get out. 

Next step was to restrain the creature, they were going to perform the physical test, before Logan got - quoted from Remy - "Too attached to the fucking thing to not cry" 

Logan accepted the sentiment, no matter how much it stung his pride. The two opened the lid, thick gloves on as they rushed in to pin it - grabbing at the tentacles and collecting them in groups of three to bind them together. It was no means easy, and Logan found himself joining Remy in the litany of cursing.

"We got eight bundles and two left over, so it has a total of twenty six tentacles" 

As Logan taped up the last two, Remy scribbled on the clipboard, muttering

"Excellent deduction, Professor. Loving the research." 

Logan sighed at the comment, stepping back from the restrained creature, though as he did the many eyes peeking through continued to stare at him for a long moment before the silence was broken by a popping sound. Another tentacle had sprouted out, then another, and another, and another - 

"Alright, this filter isn't working, I'm clearly high as balls right now" 

The student looked rather disgusted at the thing as it began writhing all over again. Logan, on the other hand, was wholly fascinated. It seemed the creature was capable of some degree of shape-shifting or mass redistribution. Incredible. 

"Let's get the blood and tissue samples. Thankfully no one is expecting us to measure this thing, they got an approximation of thirty-eight inches, and if you make an inappropriate joke about that I will ask you to leave -" 

Logan collected the tools necessary to take samples while Remy spluttered vaguely offended noises. Logan would be extracting the tissue and blood, while Remy would yet again be restraining the creature. He handed over the simple restraint - a pole with a hook on the end, similar to ones used to restrain snakes, and would serve a similar purpose to hold down the tentacle. The student sighed, leaning into the container to apply suitable force in keeping the body restrained. 

Only, Remy got close enough, the creature let out a sound that was almost like a giggle before there was a burst of bright colour. A fine green mist coated the air, staining the room in pigment in a vivid Kelly-Green mist. It took Logan a few moments to realise it was a smoke bomb. The creature had essentially tagged them. 

"What the hell! I just got nickelodeon slim-ed. Now I know how Demi Lovato felt." 

"I don't believe this is slime, Remy" the professor quipped, rather dryly, to which the student simply scoffed. 

It was a good thing their ventilators were full faced, protecting their face and exposed skin from that burst, though the explosion kicked up a fine powder that was still settling in the air. It seemed in their moment of stunned stillness, the creature made another break for escape, quiet and other worldly noises being emitted. 

Logan sighed softly and made quick work of wrestling the creature, who didn't seem particularly offended. 

"Prepare the slide and vial, Remy. It's a little unorthodox but I'm getting the samples like this" 

Clearly thrilled at not having to pin the Cephalopoda, Remy hurried around the table, leaving a light dusting of green in his wake. Luckily the vials had a lid on, else they'd be contaminated. Logan selected the 16-gauge needle - to be able to collect even fairly viscous blood. Remy was quick to attach it with an attached vacutainer blood collection tube, that would gather 0.23 fluid ounces. Logan made a mental note to praise Remy's assembly skills in the report he files to the student's University every quarter year. 

With that taken care of, Logan applied a firm pressure to the base of his selected tentacle, restricting movement as he lined up the needle. With no knowledge of the creature's vein system, he just pierced what seemed to be a continuous muscle - from the way it flexed during movement - and was forced to hold the line in while blood was drawn. Usually tape would be used, but the muculent skin and constant flailing made that rather unachievable. 

Blood should have started being drawn by now, but still far not a drop had trickled out into the tube. Remy was watching Logan, probably thinking he'd done something wrong in the assembly of the line - but no, it was perfect. Perhaps the creature didn't have a circulatory system? But surely if it was following the genetics of, say, flatworms, nematodes, or cnidarians, it would need to be constantly on the ocean floor to collect nutrients and oxygen directly. Yet another peculiarity, a part of him wanted to be excited about all of the traits this creature was exhibiting and what research could be done. 

But mostly he was strangely and deeply concerned about this creature becoming a lab rat or dissection study. 

With a sigh, Logan withdrew the needle, only to pause. The needle wasn't there, only a nib of metal that looked as though it had been corroded off. He shared a glance with Remy, who swallowed thickly. 

"Shit, it just ate your needles, babes. Hopefully it won't die or whatever, but does that mean it's blood is corrosive?" 

That did seem to be the correct assumption, though it unfortunately made his life a whole lot more difficult. 

"It seems a tissue sample will likely yield similar results, so I will have to write up why physical data is not being presented but it seems the creature is best to be put back onto its enclosure. I've sent Picani out on the boats, they're collecting various surplus sea life creatures as possible food sources for the creature, we'll test that later. "

Remy nodded with the sigh of a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. The two wordlessly picked the box up after sealing the lid, more than ready to get the cretin back in its tank. 

After that ordeal, and sending the needle and pigments off for analysis, the two scientists shared a quiet lunch in the cafeteria before returning to tend to the tamer of the two creatures. Despite its arachnid appearance, the creature had traits much more in line with the Manidae family. It took a lot more than logic and facts to stop Remy from assigning a nickname, though. 

" Yoohoo, spider baby, its spring cleaning babes!" 

The student hoisted up the sheet they'd placed over the creature to prevent it from seeing out, in case seeing the new creature causes distress, surprisingly enthused. Though that extra energy may be attributed to Logan donating an extra three dollars for Remy to 'supersize' his meal with cheese bites and fries. 

The creature wasn't asleep like it usually was when left in the dark. It seemed rather preoccupied in its small burrow, not even coming to greet the scientist. Hmm. 

Logan unlocked the enclosure, comfortable enough to know the creature wasn't going to attack or try and escape. 

"Hello, little creature. I hope you're well. I just need to take some of your webbing. It's gorgeous, but you see, I can't view you through the glass because it's so thick." 

As he was talking, and adorably the creature was focusing on him fully, Logan was gently using a wooden hooked tool to gently pull down the truly impressive mass of webbing. The actual webbing was incredible, not only was the colour gorgeous - a rich and dark grey that shone purple in the right light - but from the tests conducted by Doctor Stokes, it's textile strength beat that of the Darwin Bark Spider. A record breaker, once the go ahead was given to release the knowledge of this animal to the public. A day that Logan… was not looking forward to. 

Still, the creature was under 24 hour surveillance and he'd received complaints that it had completely obscured its own enclosure. 

As Logan chatted away, hopeful to keep the creature docile and not noticing its den being dismantled, the creature had wandered off into the burrow. It took a while to see what the creature was doing in there, but it was slowly consuming the black substance it had left all over the cheese. Logan whispered for Remy to take notes, not wanting to move away and startle it into stopping. 

Not once did the creature try to eat the actual cheese, and once all the secretion was removed, Logan had to flinch in disgust. The cheese was molded away as though left for years - black and blue mold swarmed the block, and any yellow showing through the decay was almost grey. 

Okay, that was disgusting. 

Grabbing the nearby bin, Logan reached in, intent on taking the block off the creature. After all, it wasn't interested in eating it - perhaps the black substance changed while on the cheese and was enjoyable to eat - and it wouldn't be sanitary to keep decaying lactose with the creature. Surely. 

"I apologise, little creature, but I need to remove this. It's dirty" he tried to say this with conviction but the creature already looked upset, making warbles and whines reminiscent of the dreaded physical.

Any attempt to grab was met with fury, the creature lunging and biting at Logan's gloves. He didn't like seeing it so upset, so instead Logan scooped the creature up. Sure, he could've swiped the block right now, but Logan was okay with claiming that he just wanted to see what the creature would do with it (and not that he 100% was guilt tripped) 

"Shh, shh little creature. I won't steal your cheese, if you really want it." 

"Love your authority, doctor. Such a leader" 

Logan skillfully ignored that comment. 

Quite stupidly, Logan pulled the creature close for an on-the-shoulder hug as though the creature was his baby, scritching away at the carapace and mumbling. Mostly to himself. 

This continued for a few moments, the creature coming close to his neck. It totally could've bitten and possibly killed Logan, and he'd have totally deserved it for being stupid. But no, it simply purred away, nuzzling as though familiar with this form of contact. Fascinating, and adorable - a rather extensive summary of Logan's thoughts on the creature, in all honesty. 

"The executive board would be foaming at the mouth right now" 

Logan glanced at Remy, blushing sheepishly. He was certainly breaking so many codes of conduct. 

"I'm surprised they haven't sent someone down to slap me up the head, they're normally quick to act on what's going on in the cameras." 

He just hopes he wouldn't get fired for the impromptu snuggle session with the one-of-a-kind species that's also confirmed as poisonous. 

Not the worst way to go, he supposed. 

Though Remy simply smirked, jabbing a thumb in the general direction of the camera. 

"Don't worry, soft arse. They aren't seeing anything." 

Logan followed the motioning, and gleeful smile on his face as he realised that none of that had been observed. 

The camera was still covered in green, after all. 

Chapter Text

Remus was bored. Remus was restless. 

He'd been trapped in this stupid box for too long - and the dumb humans had left him alone for twenty whole minutes. Well, not entirely alone. His brother was here! Little Virgie was crawling up the side of his own little box, whining and clicking in upset. 

The humans just left him all sad like that! Papa wouldn't let him cry like that, it was sad to listen to - so Remus decided to go over and cheer him up. It was laughably easy to escape; papa often put him in 'time out' boxes which took a lot of thought to break out of! Sometimes when papa wanted a lot of self care time, Remus would be put in a box in a box in box. Remus always loved papa's big smile when he escaped. 

This box had holes on the top, which papa would never be stupid enough to do. Holes in boxes were easy as liquid poop when you didn't have bones! 

With a wet pop, Remus was free from the stupid box. Virgil whirred from his stupid box, so Remus made a show of dropping to the floor face-first with a crunch. His bro was swaying side to side and tapping the glass - excited at Remus' theatrics. 

Remus made a show of peeling himself off the floor slowly, body shape shifted to look like he'd been turned into an actual pancake. It certainly amused the baby, letting out excited little "tsst. Tssstssst!" noises at Remus. With that, Remus slinkered up to Virgil's box to inspect the lock. It wasn't even a lock! Just flip it down then slide the bolt - there were four of these but they were still ridiculously easy. If Virgil wasn't a baby he'd be able to escape no problem. 

He swung the box door open, vibrating with excitement as the click click click of Virgil's running got closer. Remus allowed his form to shift into his usual look, just in time for his spidery-lil-bro to land on his shoulder and nuzzle into him. 

"Heya, Vee-Vee! Are you okay? Have them snotty little humans hurt you?" 

Virgil let out a quiet little 'vvrrrr' as he fussed, climbing all around Remus and nuzzling under his jaw with loud, cracking noises - he must be upset. 

"We've been looking for you all days and nights! Promise! Even papa is scared, he carries your blankie around everywhere just in case he finds you all sad" 

That was the wrong thing to say to a baby since the next thing he knew, Virgil was letting out a horrid noise. A mix of rusty metal and a piggy squeal - it was a noise Remus would've loved, if it wasn't from his brother crying. He pulled back from the hug to see big, goopey, purple tears falling from all of Virgil's eyes. 

"Oh! Don't cry Vee, he's gonna come real soon and take us home, and he'll crush these stinky humans with his bare hands and then I'll grow actual bear hands to eat their bodies then the bears will poop on the floor!" 

Remus was expecting a laugh but oddly enough, the visual didn't amuse Virgil like it usually did, instead he cried a little harder, loud clicks as his tough body rumbled. Remus bundled him up on his little arms, rocking the baby like papa did whenever Virgil was overcome with terror. It took a while to work, not as smooth and rhythmic as papa, but soon the clicking stopped and the tears lessened, though his leg spikes still dug into Remus' skin. That was alright. 

"It's alright, Virgie. You don't want the stinky humans to be crushed?" His brother whined, dipping his body and shaking a no "Why not? I saw the tall one steal all your webs! You'd have spat all over papa for that!" 

Virgil turned to look at his box, inspecting the webbing as though he'd only just noticed. His legs clicked before he scuttled off back into the box. 

Remus knew Virgil can take a while to give an answer, or do something, and pestering him only stressed him out. So he occupied himself with stealing pens and licking them, watching the plastic bubble away and disintegrate. Papa never let him do this in his office! It was kinda fun, but then Virgil was emerging back out with something in his hands. 

"Oh! It's a moldy block!" 

Virgil chittered an affirmative, bopping slightly on his way over. They both loved moldy blocks, papa rarely let them have any because they both got rather...hyper, so to speak. The last time, the two had an impromptu paintball in the house - though instead of paint, the two were spitting black and green goop at each other, both colours causing unique degrees of destruction all over papa's expensive decorations. 

The block was dropped in front of him, Virgil clapping his front legs encouragingly. 

"The humans gave you the block?" a nod, and Remus laughed slightly "you like the humans because they give you food?" 

Virgil hissed softly, dropping his head to shake it, causing Remus to panic slightly "They don't give you food??" 

Luckily, Virgil shook his head again, totting over to the block and plopping onto it. He began purring, like when you scratch him, and tapping his legs playfully. It took Remus a minute to figure out what his brother was trying to say 

"You like the humans because they take care of you?" 

At that his brother squee'd gently and bobbed cheerfully, making Remus grin, a tentacle spawning out his side out of excitement. He loved being praised, especially from his brother. 

"You're too soft, Vee-Vee. They're humans, papa is gonna want to smoosh them just for that! Besides they stole you, then me!" 

Virgil made a variety of sad noises, though he nodded along, because it was true. The humans stole him and he missed papa so much. He missed being cuddled and played with and pet - the humans did that, too, but only sometimes. 

He'd missed his brother, too, and he leant forward to push the block towards him. Remus' eyes bulged, literally, as he scooped the block up. 

"For me?" 

Virgil chittered and cooed, because yes, he saved it for Re. His brother grinned, so he knew he'd done good, before shoving it in his mouth whole - a manner that papa definitely would've told him off about. 

Still, Remus was very happy, the snack was very delicious and he found himself scooping his brother up again for a cuddle. It was nice, warm, but there were voices outside now and suddenly Virgil was twisting out his arms with a whine. Remus let go of him, and the baby scurried off into his box - with a sigh, Remus slid the stupid locks back into place so no one knew Virgil had escaped the stupid box. 

Remus didn't really want to go back into his, but what if they separated him and Virgil cause he was being naughty? He couldn't have that. 

But he could have some fun in the box! 

Remy finished chatting to Joan, unlocking the door as they turned down the corridor out of his eyesight. He'd have to ask where they got that skirt from later, his ass would look radiant in it. 

Familiar with the routine, Remy sipped at his drink as he shed his jacket, placed his bag in the cubby, and donned the unflattering white lab coat. What wasn't familiar was the spider thing making so much noise - whining and clicking, tapping on the glass fiercely. It didn't seem like it was trying to get Remy to play again, something was definitely bugging it. 

Technically he should ping Logan to get him up here, to record and locate the issue, but the guy was such a dad he'd definitely freak out. Remy crouched next to the little thing, tapping back at it on the glass. It only whined higher, flattening itself and shaking its butt at him. 

"Girl, what is up with you? You keep being weird I'll have to get Lo, and he'll be all sad and shit" 

The clearly flawless negotiations didn't work, and the little thing continued to whine at Remy. He almost threw in the towel, before realising that there was another creature here, one that might've been pissing the spider-baby off. 

Remy turned to inspect the massive tank, frowning deeply as he failed to see the creature within.

"Uhhh" he stepped closer to inspect the tank, hoping the thing was chilling in the plant bed, because a missing specimen would be very bad.

Nope. 

It was nowhere to be found, even as Remy paced around the whole tank, tapping to try and lure it out. Nothing. Finally, Remy leaned real close against the glass, butting his forehead and searching every corner for any sign of life. 

"Shit, it's gone. Logan's gonna - HOLY FUCK" 

Remy was on his ass within a second, coffee spilt all down him. The stupid thing had appeared out of no where, slamming up against the glass with a horrible screech that almost drowned out Remy's own scream. 

From its position smushed against the glass, Remy could see an eerily human mouth, buried within the mass of tentacle arms. He swore he saw the fucking thing blow a raspberry at him before it slid off the glass with a disgusting squelch and swam off to continue it's usual swimming. It took a while for heart to stop racing as he stared blankly. Faintly, he was aware the spider had gone silent and when he turned, the little thing was curled up in a ball. Most likely also startled. 

Remy slowly peeled himself off the floor, grimacing at all the sticky mess. Ugh. Time to clean this shit up, he guessed. 

By the time Logan returned from his lunch break, Remy was grumpily mopping up his spilled mess, shirt thoroughly stained. The scientist stared at him, confused, and Remy full blown pouted. 

"That," he shook the mop at the newest creature "Scared the shit outta me! Spilt my coffee everywhere" 

Logan blinked, and came forward to inspect the intern "Coffee? Did you run the burns under cold water?" 

Remy sighed and pulled back his arm, brow raising from behind the tinted out glasses "Nah, babes, the coffee was iced coffee. No burns, just a sore arse and a scare. Spider has been curled up since" 

Logan nodded and hummed, glancing over at the enclosure. The spider was still very much curled up - he was going to go over, and turned to speak with Remy to gather some supplies, but found himself smiling at Remy's pouty expression. 

"Girl, what are you smiling at now?" 

"Nothing, nothing. You just look so young when you're pouty like that" 

It had the desired effect, Remy squawking in offence and smacking Logan's arm "Oi! Quit with that dad-ing right now! No ma'am no ma'am! Go baby that spider thing instead!" 

Logan laughed again, patting Remy's arm on his way to go take care of his not a spider creature. Cause that's his job and Logan is always, completely, professional. 

Chapter Text

Coaxing the little creature out of its curl was getting progressively easier, Logan speaking gently and carefully smoothing its defensive spikes down until the creature slowly uncurled and chittered at him. Twenty-three minutes was a record for him, and he rewarded with some mashed bananas. 

Since Remy reported that the creature had been active when he came in, Logan wanted it to sleep now - especially since they weren't going to be giving it attention for a while. He'd already switched on the heat lamp, and normally that was enough to get it to nap. 

Not today, apparently, as the little thing stood stubbornly, clicking and chittering. Logan had tried to lure it up to the lamp with a banana, and it had worked for a moment, until the banana was all gone and the little thing scurried back down with a chirp. Remy had found that extremely amusing, and instead of helping had just sat back to watch. 

"Come on, little one. I know you're tired, sleep up here with the lamp - you enjoy the lamp, it's very warm, isn't it?" 

He found himself yet again testing that the lamp was sufficiently warm - and it was - before watching its reaction. The creature simply bobbed in place, slower and more sluggish than usual, but still unwilling to at least curl up and rest if it wasn't going to sleep. His mind pulled up fond memories of Roman doing the same, seated on his toy horse, rubbing at his eyes but insisting he stay awake.

"I don't know what you want, little creature. Is something wrong with your enclosure? Are you still hungry? You can have lots of food later if you go to sleep now. Please" 

Across the laboratory, Remy watched with an air of amusement. Logan had sent him with a few dollars to get himself a new coffee - it was a ridiculously dad-type move, and Remy would've declined if it weren't for the free coffee. He drew the line when Logan offered his own coat to wear, though, he'd rather stroll into Starbucks all stained and cold and shit than wear the man's too-big coat and look like an actual child wearing his dad's clothes. 

He was leaning comfortably on the tank, and spared a side glance to the thing inside. Oddly, it had stopped its high-speed circle swimming to stare at Logan and the spider baby. Ah well, it was probably focused on the noise Logan was making, or sizing the little thing up for food. 

"What a sight, hmm?" He found himself musing to the creature next to him "the great scientist, Logan Sanders, negotiating with his specimen over nap time" 

Remy smirked to himself for a moment before recoiling and jumping back, staring at the aquatic creature who seemed to stare right back. 

"The fuck am I doing, talking to you guys. Lo's rubbing off on me, I'm losing it. Screw this, imma go get the food prepared." he turned to address Logan "Is this the list of foods to get?" 

Logan wasn't even looking at him, barely engaged as he seemed to be gently encouraging the spider up with his hand "Mm. Yeah, that's the one" 

Remy snickered and put down the piece of paper he'd been doodling on earlier, grabbing the actual list before leaving, idly considering the merits of jokingly getting Logan a 'world's best dad' mug before realising the lovable idiot would probably just thank him and not realise the joke.

Even as Remy left, Logan was wholly focused on the spider creature, trying yet again to lead the little thing up to its usual napping location. It would follow his fingers excitably, patting at the digits with it's pedipalps and chittering to try and play - until it noticed where Logan was leading it and scurried off. The little creature was down right lethargic, and Logan surely could've let it pass out on a random web now that it was exhausted, but that didn't seem fair at all to the cutie. 

He tried to use his experience with Roman, and considered a solution that would definitely get him mocked if Remy were in the room. Luckily he was not, so Logan scooped the tiny creature up for the cradling hug. The other creature struck its tank rather harshly and Logan had only a moment to worry about it being a possible threat display that would spook the other, before the creature on his shoulder rattled its carapace. It was much quieter than the rapid banging but, amazingly, the rattling caused the other to instantly go silent. The two were engaged in a silent conversation, the creature using its pedipalps to rub at its own face in a way Logan had never observed before. Floating for a moment, the new creature was completely still as tentacles fanned out to expose more and more eyes staring right into Logan's soul before it finally blinked and sped off back to lap circles. 

Strange behaviour that he'd have to note later, but for now Logan focused on the creature in his arms and getting it off to sleep. He began with scratching at its carapace soothingly - the purr started up like a car engine, making Logan smile wide as he slowly walked laps of the laboratory in hopes of soothing it to sleep. 

It seemed to be working, the creature settling and nuzzling insistently into the nape of his neck with the pedipalps tapping gently at the skin without its little fangs even so much as scraping his skin. Even for an infant animal, the little thing tamed easily and sometimes acted so much like an actual human baby it hurt. 

The creature certainly knew this motion, and it made Logan curious as to how its parents behaved - a part of him certainly wanted to watch it being cradled by a mama creature, the thought was endearing. 

Forty minuets passed and the creature was certainly asleep at this point, all limbs tucked in and trusting Logan to not drop it, considering it didn't have any limbs holding on to his shirt. It felt precious, even as he gently lifted it off to settle it in front of its heat lamp, smiling warmly as he secured the enclosure door. 

With that sorted all of Logan's focus could go on the other creature, idly speeding laps of its tank. He did find it rather cute, though in a more abstract way. It reminded him of Roman, in a different way to the little creature, the energy and mischief and sometimes playful disobedience that made Logan smile even though he really shouldn't be encouraging it. 

"Hello. Are you having fun in your tank? It's a lovely tank, I hope it's enough like your home that you don't miss it too terribly."

The creature actually stopped as he spoke, which was interesting, like it was actually focused on Logan speaking. Though surely it was just lured by the noise and was watching Logan to gauge if he was a threat. Surely. 

" Is my voice interesting? I wonder what you think of all this, being taken to a lab. Must be strange, but we aren't going to hurt you. In fact, once Remy gets back, you're going to get some dinner. Won't that be nice?" 

For a moment he could almost imagine the creature nodding before the laboratory door opened, a winded Remy tugging along a trolley packed with food. Logan rushed over to help the effort, feeling slightly guilty that he sent the student off to collect the heavy load, especially since this was the dodgy trolley which two of the wheels don't wheel at all. Together they had the trolley situated in front of the tank, Logan checking that everything was on the list while Remy took a breather. 

"In my bag there is an unopened bottle of water if you need it. It is flavored lightly with peach, as that is the only way I can get Roman to drink water" 

Remy gave a wordless grunt, taking him up on his offer and going to retrieve the bottle. After finishing the bottle in one go, the usual sass returned 

"Are the US military rations supplied there? Fuck that, is the actual military in there?" 

Logan chuckled at that as he gathered the necessary paperwork

"Apologies, I know you shouldn't be handling heavy loads such as that. The trolley contains two separate coolers and a heater to store food, each with their own battery, so it is incredibly heavy even when not loaded with food." 

It seems the student had no sass for a genuine apology, shrugging nonchalantly is beginning to prepare the foods they were going to try. Various fish, crustaceans, red and white meat, and a few root vegetables to try. Logan had selected both land and aquatic foods, considering it was found in the middle of a forest and so conceivably, could hunt above water. 

First, Remy handed him a sizable cut of pollock along with a cut of haddock. He dropped the chunks from the opening at the top of the tank. It was simply remarkable to watch, the fish had barely touched the water before it shot up, swallowing both chunks in a mouth that Logan couldn't see through all the tentacles before dipping back down to continue circling, unbothered. Logan openly gasped in awe while Remy made a vaguely disgusted noise. 

"Incredible. We'll have to measure how fast it can travel, and probably request a larger tank so it may have some space to reach maximum velocity." 

Remy grumbled something about that being 'totally great', which seemed contradictory with Remy's general attitude to the new creature, before handing over the next fish chunk. 

The routine continued, the creature never once rejecting a cut of fish or meat. He'd even dropped in a few shellfish, in hopes of watching the incredible dexterity of the limbs work to crack open the hard shell, but the creature simply consumed them all with a large crunch. It also didn't seem to be getting any fuller, which was strange, Logan would have to experiment with the best feeding schedule. The sleepy little creature was fed daily, every morning by Logan, along with treats (often bananas or berries) for being cooperative...or sometimes just for being cute, Logan had to admit. 

As they got up the vegetables, and it seemed that the creature was going to finish everything offered, Logan decided it would be a good idea for Remy to try to feed it. Not only would it be good as a student, Logan would very much like him to warm up to both creatures, especially this one as he continued to be wary. 

"No. No. Absolutely not, I won't and you can't make me" 

Logan sighed at that, "You're studying for a bachelors in biology with hopes of being employed at this facility after graduation. You will need to learn how to feed the specimens, this one is feeding well, it's a great place to start" 

He made sure to keep his tone calm, and only a little like how he spoke to children, Remy kept his face and tone blank as he responded. 

"Fine, I'm changing courses" 

"No you're not" 

"Am too!" Despite the students' protest, he took the food with only a slight grumble. 

"Just drop the yam into the tank - it rarely even breaks water when it comes to eat. Just be careful." 

Remy perched daintily on the edge of the tank, staring at the vegetable with such dread it was rather amusing. From the position on the ground, he could see the creature more clearly and how it seemed to notice the food before it had even dropped. As he saw the yam be dropped, the creature yet again shot upwards. Only it completely missed the food, rocketing up. Almost in slow motion, the fear dawned on the scientist as it jumped up to wrap itself completely around Remy's wrist. 

Understandably, Remy's reaction was a loud, startled scream as he began shaking his arm rapidly. Logan practically flew up the steps along the tank to reach the top, to attempt to pry the thing off, but it had unlatched itself before he even got there, dropping back into the water and meandering lazily to go and eat the yam. Focus switched to ensuring Remy was not injured. They knew it could produce hazardous chemicals, and Logan didn't know what he'd do if he'd caused Remy to jeopardise an arm just because he wanted him to overcome his nervousness. 

"Shit, fuck it fucking -" the poor student was still shocked, gesturing wildly at his arm. Logan was only able to mumble a soft "I know, I know" as he inspected his arm. 

The skin showed no discolouration or irritation or even any teeth marks and after a few heaving breaths, Remy was able to blink at Logan and say, 

"It's…it's not hurting or anything. It just squeezed me a bit, and scared me, a lot." 

A weight lifted off Logan's shoulders, sighing in relief and nodding. He reached over and shut the lid of the tank to prevent anymore mischief, pulling out his work phone and dialing

" I'm still going to ask someone from the medical staff to check you over - ah, hello, Terrance, would you be able to come to my laboratory -" 

Remy sighed at the dad-ing going on right in front of his eyes, rolling them behind his shades and inspecting his own arm. It felt fine, just slimy and smelling vaguely fishy. Honestly he was already over the scare, he put up with worse shit in this laboratory. A soft tap on the glass made him notice that the spider baby had been awoken by his screaming and seemed rather antsy if the pacing was anything to go by. As if the creature had the capacity to be concerned for him, but still, he held the arm up for inspection and the little thing did seem to be watching it. 

In hopes of easing it, he reached to tap on the glass like their usual game. Only to stop, and stare at his wrist. Remy wore a silver bracelet 24/7 to alert medics to medical conditions and include contact information in case he's found dying in an alley or some shit. 

Only it wasn't on his wrist like usual, he hadn't taken it off - the bracelet was medical and clung tightly to the skin so it wasn't a laboratory hazard. A light scoff escaped him as he turned to point an accusatory finger at the shit-bag currently staring at him from the tank

"That little turd ate my bracelet!" 

Chapter Text

Remy had been late to work today, though he'd called ahead to sort it out first. He'd spent his morning at a routine hospital visit, though it had managed to infuriate him to no end. The waiting times were shocking, and someone's kid was screaming the whole time - not a little kid, fucker was at least eleven, and wanted to go on his confiscated ipad. The waiting room TV was broken, a constant static really grated on him, and he couldn't listen to music any more since the baby spider barfed all over it - disintegration isn't covered on the warranty, apparently. Once he'd finally gotten ushered into a second uncomfortable plastic chair, the nurse trying to take his bloods got all snappy at him just cause they couldn't insert the needle in right. 

Three hours late, and with five holes in his arm instead of the predicted one, Remy was ready to have a pretty chill day in the lab - after all, they hadn't planned for anything, and was mostly just going to socialise the creatures for a bit then crack on with the research paper. 

Remy really shouldn't expect things to be simple. 

When he entered the lab, he really didn't expect Logan to be sitting on the floor with both creatures lose. Remy was quick to shut the door, because the last thing they needed was a containment breach - or one bigger than what Logan had already done. 

"What the actual fuck, Logan" 

The senior scientist looked up, eyes wide and shiny, his only response "They're friends"

He shouldn't be surprised that the man was like this, he'd practically adopted both of them the second they came in, but he still didn't know what would possess the man to do something so stupid. 

At least the creatures didn't seem to be harming each other. They seemed to be engaged in a game of tag, but they both were and were not it, more just rolling/scurrying around and randomly bopping each other with whatever limb was closest. He was still lost for words when the little spider scurried up to him, doing its little wiggle dance, albeit much more animated and excitable than usual. 

"You have to dance back" Logan insisted, because of course he did. 

"What do you mean 'you have to dance back'?" 

Logan sent him a look "Little creature is saying hello. Say hello back." 

Ugh, the dude had entered full parental mode. 

"I'm not dancing at it. What if I do the wrong wiggle and accidently tell the thing to go fuck itself?" 

Logan silently gasped, surely considering Remy evil for denying the baby a dance "Remy" 

This guy, honestly. 

"Fine" 

The little creature was waiting patiently with excited booty wiggles. The student placed his bag down, sighing before awkwardly wiggling his hips. He was rewarded for the effort, the spider trilling, bapping its pedipalps on the floor and wiggling again. Remy...had an idea where this was going, and wasn't down for it. 

"Nu-uh lil guy. I'm not having a dance battle, these pants are not made for dropping it low. Have a boogie at Logan, I'm sure that old turd has some rhythm in him" 

The man in question rolled his eyes as Remy went about his usual getting ready routine. The octopus thing rolled over his feet, covering his shoes in a disgusting slime, Remy scrunching his nose up in distaste. Little shit owed him a hundred and forty eight dollars already for the bracelet. 

"How was the appointment?" 

"Eh, alright. Just a really long waiting time."

"There's multiple plasters on your arm from the blood test." 

Well, wasn't Logan all perceptive and shit today. His dad instincts must be dialled up to eleven, which was becoming an increasingly frequent occurrence. 

"The nurse couldn't insert the needle properly, then kept being a dick like it was my fault." 

Logans frowned, tilting his head slightly to observe the student "I apologise, Remy, that sounds incredibly frustrating and unpleasant, especially since you had to attend the appointment and deal with that discomfort on your own." 

A small flush on Remy's cheeks caused Logan's frown to let up a bit "Logan, I'm not a kid, I can go to the doctors on my own" 

"But you are a child" 

"Hardly!" 

Instead of continuing the argument that Remy was totally going to win, Logan simply smiled patted the floor next to himself, motioning the student to come sit 

"Sit with me, please" 

Remy stared for a moment before wondering over, trying to look nonchalant while simultaneously very careful to not slip on the miscellaneous liquids the creatures had left. Sat criss-cross next to the tall-ass scientist did make him feel like a child. Maybe that's why Logan did it. 

"The creatures are enjoying each other's company, if we sit still enough one will usually come and interact." 

He wasn't sure if he wanted either of them to interact, but he did as he was told and kept rather still and calm. Just sitting next to Logan numbed his frustrations a little, feeling less antsy, and soon the little spider baby was hesitantly tapping at his knee. Remy simply blinked owlishly at him but stayed still, which was apparently enough consent for the spider baby to crawl up his pants and drop down into the little gap his crossed legs made. 

"Cute, isn't it?" the scientist hummed, looking rather fond. 

Remy shrugged, gently reaching down to try and scratch the thing like Logan did. It took a few attempts but soon the purr started, a little smile of accomplishment on his face. 

"I dunno, maybe. In a weird way." 

Logan actually laughed at him, the cheeky lil shit, making Remy practically puff up in defense. 

"I knew you'd grow fond of them" 

Remy shook his head, "Nu-uh, only this one. That other one is a turd." 

As if on cue, a loud fart noise came from across the room, where the other thing was fanned out on the wall like the most fucked up starfish ever. 

The spider thing cracked oddly, rubbing its legs across its own carapace to make odd little chirps as it began clicking and bobbing - and a faint part of him whispered that it was laughing 

Laughing at a fart joke of all things. And if the other creature knew to make a joke, and it wasn't some comedic coincidence, and the spider had the capacity to be amused - that had implications that hurt the caffeine-addicted student's head greatly. 

It hurt Logan's head too, if the slightly horrified, wide eyed look the guy had was anything to go off.

Just as the man was going to comment, both their faces twisted up in disgust. The fart wasn't just a noise, and the shit bag had scented the air with what smelt like freshly warmed sewage. 

Gross! 

There were humans, humans on his land. Janus felt a familiar flicker of rage within him as he perused the noise, silent and sinister and running on pure animalistic instinct as his tail let out an ominous rattle. 

The group of humans didn't seem to hear it, thankfully, talking amongst themselves and holding a strange device while moving around the floor leaves. Perhaps hunting? He had to get closer, shifting his body, tail now a textured brown with the odd scale a moldy green. In the dim light of the heavily dense forest, human eyes were pitiful. His tail would look like tree roots, of perhaps a fallen log. He leant his torso across a large oak, ears focused. 

"I just don't think we're gonna find anymore creatures round here," 

Creatures? If it were a species the humans knew, Janus would expect them to call it 'animal' 

"You don't know that! We caught two, very close together, and they can't be the only ones, especially since the first one is apparently young it's gonna have parents somewhere. This whole forest has barely been touched, there's not even a single footpath, no one goes in there. Who knows what's evolved in this place. "

" Mm. But it just feels like a waste of money setting these traps up, we could spend our time and money on what we already have and conduct some really good research. Hell, Logan should have a whole floor to himself for the specimens. Did you see the tank? Way too small, that's probably why it's so restless…"

Two caught? Research? Tank? Something like dread bubbled in his gut like hot tar, paternal fear clinging to the inside of his throat, he gripped the bark until the tree cracked under his hands. The humans heard that, backing away slightly, then frowning at each other. The taller one placed the device down and kicked some leaves over it. 

"C'mon, Cal, we're going back to the labs," the blonde one whined, tugging the other back to their machine. Cowards. 

Soon the two were gone, and though Janus would've loved to give chase. Catch them. Tear them to shreds and leave their bodies for the avians. He focused his attention on the side of the machine, the logo and accompanying name. 

There was no doubt, the two were scientists and it was all but confirmed that his two babies had ended up there. A sort of wordless grief overtook him, images of Virgil crying out for him, each perfect little leg ripped off and pinned next to him like butterfly taxidermy. His glands delicately slit to seep out his unique venom. Remus sliced open, to watch his muscles work as the youngling tried to escape, the sweet little horror would be so fascinating that they'd likely keep him alive for the longest. 

He glanced down at the blankets in his arms, one was Virgil's, fluffy purple thing that the baby absolutely loved being swaddled in and just. Carried around while Janus did the chores. He had it on him at all times, thoughts of finding Virgil lost in the woods, all cold and sad, just cooing and wrapping his baby up while he let out the adorable chitters that everyone loved him for. 

Remus' blanket was technically a towel, the thing old and threadbare and half eaten due to the toddler's monstrous teething phase. Remus often had to be forced out of his pool, wrapping the little thing up so cosy kept many complaints away. 

The thought that these could be the closest thing he was going to ever have of them...just wouldn't do. He couldn't allow it. Even if he was just recovering bodies, even if his children were shattered, he needed them home. Janus slowly rose to his full height, clutching the fabrics close with his lower arms as his face steeled in determination. 

A crinkle of leaves behind him, Janus whipped around. 

His brother. 

"Janny." 

"It's the humans," he cried, in lieu of a response "The humans have my babies" 

The other's face was blank as he digested the information, throat poach twitching was the only give for his distress, before humming in a false calm.

"Well, we'll have to go find them, then. Won't we?" 

Chapter Text

Virgil clicked softly as he woke, stretching his limbs lethargically as the noise of someone entering the room became apparent. He honestly preferred waking up to a cuddle from papa, but the two humans were okay enough to stave off most of the lonely. Of course, having his brother here was making the weird experience a bit better, but he had to wonder when he was going to go home. 

A few eyes blinked open, a low rumble in his throat. The human should be there with a friendly look and breakfast, but there were new humans in the room and none of them looked particularly friendly - all walking over to his little box, reaching forwards to open it up and make Virgil feel very unsafe. Normally his human would wait for him to come down from where he slept, under the warm, but big blue hands made their way towards him quicker than he could figure out what to do. 

He let out a loud wail of distress, and while he could see Remus paying attention, none of the humans seemed at all bothered by the nausea-and-headache-inducing scream. He couldn't even bite them, their hands were holding him special, legs pinned to his chest and head firmly pushed down so harsh it ached - and, what they cared about, he couldn't move to bite at that angle. 

The wails and whines continued until he was held over another box and dropped. There wasn't enough time to get his feet from under himself, so the thud smacked him right in the tummy and made breathing hard for a couple of minutes. Once over the brief stun, the baby cried in earnest, but the humans didn't care and simply sealed the top of the box. The container was too small for him to pull his legs out to stand, but even if he could stand, the top of the box was too short. He just about fit when curled up like this. 

"Right. Let's grab the other one" a human said, picking up the box Virgil was stuck in. A harsh feeling of unsafe and scary that forced Virgil to shut his eyes with a whine. 

A single eye peeked open to watch the scary humans try and grab his brother. If Remus didn't want to be grabbed he wouldn't be, but Virgil was nervous of the humans hurting him because of the defiance. As predicted, when the top of Remus' box was pried open and a net lowered to catch him, his brother gave him a quick glance before promptly dissolving his form to sand. Once it had settled on the bottom of the tank, it was indistinguishable from the sand already there. 

"What in God's name just happened? How're we supposed to contain it?" 

"Well, Sanders managed it. We'll have to wait and come back, do it real quick so it doesn't have time to freak out. Just take the first one for now." 

"Fair enough."

A quiet croak of surprise as the box - and by an unwilling extension, Virgil - was shifted and moved around yet again, placed inside another box that wasn't see-through and full of white chunky things that made a horrible noise as the smaller box was shoved in tight. 

The box closing plunged the baby into the dark, so Virgil tried wriggling and screaming. Nothing happened. No help. 

Logan made his way down the halls, consciously slowing down as Remy tried to keep up. The two had come in together, Logan had picked the student up and driven him here since his bus pass had expired and could only renew it on Friday. The alternative (and what Remy was wholeheartedly prepared to do before Logan interjected) was leaving the house in early hours for a two hour walk up a busy bypass and through several neighbourhoods. Logan couldn't have that, so Remy was to be driven over to Logan's house, coerced into a breakfast that isn't just coffee, then they'd get in the car, drop Roman off at pre-school and then drive to the science park. Logan would have to consider the merits of offering the arrangement permanently - Remy could pocket the money expected to get the pass, Logan got the peace of mind, and Roman seemed to genuinely enjoy the teens company despite the age difference. It helped that Remy also enjoyed his son's company, plus most older kids had an instant cool factor that Remy certainly fell into. 

The two paused when they came to the laboratory door - usually always secure, there was a wedge in the door to keep it open, and people inside. 

Logan could feel his figurative hackles raise as he stepped inside, Remy following in his stead with the chit-chat completely silent. 

Four people stood inside, and Logan immediately noticed both enclosures empty - little creature's door wide open, and the newest creature wasn't swimming circles like usual. 

"Excuse me, who authorised you to enter my laboratory and manhandle my specimens?" 

All of them startled and turned, one in the center narrowing their eyes in an almost challenging glance. 

"Sanders! Aren't you running a little late? Too busy having a coffee date with your intern?" 

"You will address me as Dr.Sanders, I didn't earn three separate doctorates to be spoken down to. I am precisely nine minutes behind schedule, and if you continue to insinuate I am courting my underage intern I will gladly lose this job to throttle you. Now, answer the question before I summon security"

Wholly unprepared to respond to all points but the latter, the stranger sniffed haughtily, producing a badge to flash the scientist - they were from the same company, but Logan didn't even bother reading it. 

"Like security will do anything, we're meant to be here."

"Falsehood. No one is permitted to enter my laboratory without prior forewarning, barring instances of compulsory, spontaneous regulation checks - and if that were the case, you would've told me so by now instead of avoiding the question." 

"I'm not! Listen, we've got permission to be here. We're taking the specimens, you'll be going back to your prior research. If you've got an issue with that, I suggest you take it up with your superiors." 

Remy popped up behind him, scowling fiercely behind his sunglasses "You aren't taking shit!" 

Ah, at least Remy had the lack of impulse control to say what Logan truly wanted to. The doctor placed a hand on the interns shoulder, to stop him from approaching the strangers, and hopefully soothe him slightly. 

"Can it, kid. We've got the word to move these, they're going up for auction to private collectors."

A strange jolt of panic overtook him, "You can't, they're both still a largely unknown species, they need to remain here for studies."

The person seemed a lot more confident, sensing they'd struck a nerve "Don't worry, each auctioneer will be vetted beforehand, they'll need their own professional to provide care, and they'll be required to return the body post-mortem. So, you'll probably see them again."

"You aren't taking them anywhere. Animal welfare laws dictate as such, I'm the individual deligated to maintaining the welfare standards, as is stated on the licence aquired when the company filed to be able to legally house these two species. If you want to take these creatures, you will need to produce a written request that I must sign, then it'll take three weeks. "

The four shifted nervously, eyeing the sealed cardboard box with the words 'FRAGILE - LIVE SPECIMENS' pasted on the side. The one on the end cleared their throat, 

"We'll get the paperwork, then take them"

"You can get whatever paperwork you wish, I shan't be signing it and you will not be getting them. If the facilities executives wish to go a commercial route with these creatures I will be disappointed, but they will be coming to me about that decision. I don't want any of you in here again."

Any retort was cut off by Remy, smirking "If you've got an issue with that, I suggest you take it up with your superiors."  

The statement was punctuated with a sip of his Starbucks, wagging his eyebrows tauntingly as the four attempted to leave the laboratory with as much dignity as possible. Logan stood in their way, scowling. 

"Where is the aquatic specimen?" 

Fortunately there didn't seem to be any cruelty in its absence, one simply shrugged

"Its in its tank. Fucking thing disintegrated the second we went near it." 

The middle one piped up yet again, "You massively understated the ability of its form changing. I wonder what the board would think about you lying on research papers." 

Logan simply rolled his eyes at such a stupidly baseless accusation, as if he was withholding information instead of just having only had the specimen for a short period of time, deciding to not waste his breath. "Just get out" 

They did, and Remy locked the door behind them, mumbling "Good job that's over, huh?" 

The scientist hummed softly as he approached the box, looking between that and the tank. He wasn't sure which one he was more concerned over - little creature had been manhandle and trapped in a transport container, while the other was clearly so frightened that it had 'dissolved' as some flee mechanism. Something that was quite incredible if he hadn't found out like this. 

Regardless, he reasoned, there wasn't much he could do until it decided to reform, so he set out on the caged little creature. Using a scalpel, the closest blade he had to hand, he sliced at the tape closing the box shut. Lifting the panels open, he peered in, heart breaking as its little cries started up again. A multitude of eyes staring up at him, and Logan found himself cooing softly as he gently lifted the clear container it was stored in. 

It seemed bothered by the sound of the packing peanuts, clicking a whirring while meekly batting its pedipalps. Poor thing. Logan waisted no time setting it down, wincing yet again at how cramped it was - in its curled up form it touched each side of the container, and it certainly wouldn't be able to stand. He just hoped the little one wouldn't fear his enclosure now. 

He next gently unlocked the top, given the cramped space Logan had to help it out, cooing soothingly as it made a multitude of 'not happy' noises 

"I know, little one. I know. Its all done now, I've got you."

He sat the little thing on his shoulder, scratching at its carapace. It didn't begin to purr, but it sure did relax. The small legs stretched themselves out, cracking and creaking sadly. When it started twitching under his hold, he pulled back and mumbled tenderly, 

"Down? Would you like to go - oh" 

The little creature was still whimpering, but now black liquid trickled out of its eyes, catching the light and making its already adorable eyes even shinier. 

Remy looked over questionably from where he was crouched to watch the tank, conspicuously not even mentioning the 'babying' of the creature, as Remy called it. Logan sniffed slightly, 

"Look. Its crying." 

The intern frowned at that, folding his arms and resting his head on them. Logan made his was over, sitting criss-cross with a still-distressed little creature. Remy watched it, but didn't offer any commentary as he turned his gaze back to the tank, 

"Dunno where this one is" 

Logan hummed at that, observing the tank himself. It looked undisturbed. He absently pet the little creature as he looked around, hoping to any diety that they hadn't lied about the creature still being in there. 

He hardly even noticed when the little creature crawled down and across his thigh, settling a few legs onto the glass while the rest stayed on the scientist's leg. Little pedipalps tapping gently on the glass, too quiet to be heard by anyone but Remus. 

He certainly noticed the sand movement, though, both humans watching in amazement as it formed back into the familiar creature, big eyes staring at them while the little creature chittered and cheered, tapping on the glass as the other floated towards it. The two seemed to be communicating, nuzzled up to the glass. The little creature finally started purring. Logan couldn't stop smiling. 

"Dammit," Remy mumbled. Logan looked up, expecting Remy to be pouting at a mild ailment. Instead he was flushed adorably, shrugging at Logan and gesturing vaguely at the two "S'cute" 

Chapter Text

Janus wove through the trees with ease, large serpine body gliding through the foliage and coming to a stop at the top of a hill. From here he could see out from miles, and barely in the distance was where his babies were. The building was obnoxiously white, all straight edges and clinical, and taunting him with how close it was. 

A strong, feral part of him wanted to go straight away. Smash the glass, destroy the building, scream with the fury of a parent separated from their young. Keep the humans in his own little experiment room, to torture them for information on his babies, learn everything they did and return it them tenfold. 

You can't, Janus his brother chided, they could still be alive - your rampage could kill them, or an evil human could decide to kill them then and there, in front of you. 

All Janus could hear was 'let the humans get away with it' 

It led to an argument that died out in the early morning, once Janus had mulled it over, pulled his brother into a hug and mumbled how right he was. Patton, in return, had hugged right back before hopping off to make them both a hot chocolate that sent them off to sleep right there in the living room. 

Patton appeared in the treeline then made his way over, smiling rather tense. 

"Been a while since we've tried to mingle with the humans, let's hope they still love puns down there" 

"Yes," the snake responded, rather dryly "heaven forbid you lose eighty percent of your conversational repertoire" 

Patton tutted as his form shrunk, molding into his human form. With a soft sigh, Janus followed suit and reduced himself to the constricting body. His human form always felt strange, especially with the abnormalities of the body. The scales that trailed up his torso and across the left side of his face were incompatible with the human facade and so translate into thick scarring - serpine eye turns clouded and pale as though he were blind despite being able to see perfectly. Patton's form was very much suited to him, perfectly kind and inviting, gentleness gracing his every feature. 

"Gosh, Janny, you always look so different with legs!" 

Janus grimaced as he glanced down at the bipedal limbs sticking out below his waist 

"Thank you for the reminder. These things always feel so strange to operate." 

"Oh, poor thing. Once we've finished our stuff you can form right out of it! Now come on, we've got to get on one of those 'bus' things into town" 

"Very well. Here, don't forget your wallet, you can persuade most any human with a fist full of cash." 

Patton took the wallet with a smile, tucking it into the inner pocket of an expensive creme-and-blue suit. Janus was glad for the copious amounts of human wealth he'd accumulated over the years as it was surely going to be useful. 

But for now, he had some documents to forge. 

" You crazy lil bastard, how are you doing that?" 

Remy watched the newest specimens, as he had been for the last ten minuets, the creature staring straight back at him, before it spontaneously grew something on its face - sunglasses, identical to the ones Remy wore. Of course it didn't answer his bewildered exclamation, simply watched him behind twin shades. 

The intern made a note of it, cause science or something, before rounding the desk to stare some more. The thing did some rapid twirls before stopping, now with a copy of the jacket Remy came in with tucked around its vague body shape, two tentacles within the sleeves to act as arms. 

"You're still a shit bag for eating my bracelet, but that's pretty funky. At least you've got some style now." 

The creature simply bounced up and down in front of him, before turning its attention to spider-baby. The little thing hadn't been active at all - it accepted cuddles from Logan, but any other form of social interaction it refused, scuttling off into its little cave. 

"I don't think spider-baby wants to play with you right now" 

Surprisingly, the thing let out screamed like an air raid siren and rapidly zoomed around its tank before returning, this time with a new form. The baby creature, a little too big, its skin decisively green and clearly belonging to a cephalopod. Remy rubbed at his ear in discomfort from the scream. 

"Uhh, yeah, real nice. That's what your spider friend looks like." 

The fake spider stared blankly before miming crying, identical to the upset he'd witnessed before.

"Uh-huh, upset, spider is upset so we aren't going to bother it." 

Remy didn't know why he was talking to it, or if it could even hear him, but suddenly the fake spider leaned backwards to curl up in the 'sleepy and content' position only achieved by suitable warmth and Logan scritching at its body. It took a moment since it was in water, but eventually it was on its back and miming sleep before rotating the body like it was being rocked. 

He tilted his head at the weird game of charades, the creature peeping an eye open to watching him. It stilled the rocking and began fake crying, then rocked once more, stopping crying. 

"Uh...rock the baby?" He mimed a baby rocking in his arms

It lurched upwards, whirring high pitched and jumping back into its own form before doing a few underwater backflips. Remy took a wild guess to say that was good. 

"Yeah, I'm sure Logan will rock it when he comes back. He's having to spend his lunch going to his son's preschool, lil Prince left his lunchbox in the car, and Logan isn't evil so he's dropping it off." 

Considering the strange conversation over, Remy went to sit back at the desk. When he glanced over again, the creature was in his shades and jacket again. His mouth dropped open as it began miming the same rocking motion that he did before slamming a tentacle onto the glass in the other creature's direction. Oh.

These little things were getting uncomfortably human-like. 

Numbly, the intern made his way over it the enclosure, hoping that the spider wasn't in a spit-and-or-bite-Remy mood. It was curled up in its burrow, trembling despite the heat lamp, though when Remy rapped slightly on the glass door it slowly got up. Remy unlocked the enclosure and waited for it to come out on its own - it had surely had its privacy invaded enough. 

Surprisingly the spider-baby crawled straight into his hands, sure it did it with Logan but Remy didn't expect the same level of trust. Still he was careful, emulating what he'd witnessed from the scientist to cradle it gently, resting on his collar bone. The legs dug in slightly but that barely mattered. 

The other creature was still watching them from the tank, very closely, so Remy made his way over to it. He turned his back to the tank so the spider was facing it and slowly sat down. The octopus thing lowered itself too, lying flat on the bottom of the tank so the two creature things were nose to nose through the glass. If either of them had a nose, that is. 

Remy let out a long sigh, resigned to sitting here until Logan came back and cooed over the sight. The two seemed much calmer, at least, and he'd actually got the octopus to relax for once. 

Job well done, he guessed. 

Patton glanced around the large lobby of the science-y building, fiddling with his briefcase idly. He'd offered to come here instead of Janus, understanding that the poor man would likely be unable to control himself, mingling with the people that stole his children. The thought invoked some pretty colourful language from Patton, too, but more so just made him nervous. What if they're already gone? 

Snapped out of his musings at someone's gentle "Excuse me", he stood aside as a scientist made their way to the barrier, scanning their lanyard and getting through. Huh, that's how he got in. 

Patton sighed slowly, making his way over to the receptionist. She seemed sweet enough, the name 'Dot' in cursive on her chest, looking up from the computer to smile and beckon him over. 

"Hello. I've got an appointment with Doctor Lee in, oh, seven minutes. Is there a visitor pass I should've gotten earlier?" 

Patton frankly didn't know who Doctor Lee was, he'd just seen her name on a large screen explaining top researches. He hoped she will worked here. The blatant lie sat heavy in his throat, but Dot didn't seem to notice it. 

" Oh, no sweetie, I can print you off a temporary one here. What's your name?" 

"Patton, uh, Patton Hombre-Rana" 

The receptionist nodded and click-clacked away before pointing to a little white box that had a black circle on it. 

"Okay, look at the camera here, on three I'll take your picture." 

Patton blinked before glancing up, smiling at the strange circle. A small flash of light went off before the woman smiled. 

"Great. That's printing now. You'll be able to get in and out for the next ten hours." 

"Oh, thank you so much! Have a good day." 

Patton took the lanyard with the new card, inspecting the image of himself on there. Cute, if a little grainy and blurred. 

He stepped into an elevator, though he held the door for a few moments, non of the lurking scientists seemed to want to get in with him. A quick glance at the map that showed what was on each level, he pressed number 23.

The ride was short, filled with a gentle tune that he hummed along to. It was strange how normal this place was, he expected a sinister vibe to ooze out of this place, if they were stealing young ones. 

Once on the correct floor, he began walking reading the names on every door until he came to a stop in front of one. Professor Marcellus Payne. The man had received many disciplinaries for unethical and illegal conduct, if anyone was going to let company secrets slip for a price it would be this guy. 

After a slight sigh he knocked on, standing back, and after a moment the door creaked open. The man didn't open the door fully, just enough to stick his head through, though he could see three other people in there huddled around a desk full of papers. 

"Can I help you?" 

Patton smiled tersely, fiddling with his jacket sleeve. The man's eyes flickered to the expensive watch Janus had given him to 'sell the rich man vibe' 

"Yes, hello. I've come to speak to you about a passion of mine. Collecting rare and extraordinary creatures. I've heard through word of mouth you have two of value in this building. I would love to add to my little private zoo" 

The man's eyes went wide as saucers, darting around the corridor before opening the door. 

"Yes! Yes, the rarest of creatures! Come in, we can discuss this further." 

Hopefully that meant the kiddos were still alive. 

Chapter Text

Patton had come home shaking, dropping his human form and landing straight into his brother's arms. Being around such horrid humans drained him, mentally, hearing them talk about his nephews like a cattle owner trying to sell their cows. He'd at least gotten confirmation they were alive, that information had allowed Janus to sag, weeks worth of worrying had stacked decades onto his soul and now the catastrophic weight had lessened slightly. 

"I am to meet them tomorrow, at seven am, they'll show me the boys. I'll have a while to 'ponder' if I want them, then I'll have to pay up front. Must be gone before nine am and then they'll begin delivery at eleven pm." 

"Why do it so late? When the place is shut?" 

"I'm not sure, I have a suspicion Marcellus is selling them without his boss knowing, or something" 

Janus nodded, frown firmly on his face as he took it all in. After a moment he backed from the hug, keeping a few hands on Patton's shoulder. To support them both. 

" Well. I, I've finished the paperwork. As far as they are concerned, you're an eccentric billionaire with a large estate and a vast collection of strange and exotic breeds. I'll be coming tomorrow, of course. If he is truly operating without his higher-ups knowing, we may be able to convince him to hand them over then and there. Then once we're out the building we can burn the place down" 

"No arson, Janny, if Remus can't then you can't, you're his role model" 

"You're no fun. I'll just spook them. Or maybe tarnish their reputation, I haven't made my mind up" 

Patton hummed slightly with a shrug, clearly amused, taking the offered paperwork to scan, while Janus continues 

" There's also digital versions of all them files, on that laptop you'll be taking with you."

"Hm. You might need to change my surname on these, I told them something else" he held up a document, pointing to the Patton Edward Pierce-Ellis 

"Alright, we probably should've gotten our information straight," a small pause to tut at Patton's instinctive 'but I'm gay' line "before we departed, but it should be simple to change. What surname did you provide?" 

"...Hombre-Rana." Patton's throat pouch puffed up defensively at the incredulous look he received "I panicked!" 

His reptilian brother sighed, utterly resigned to his antics "Very well, frogman. It's your turn to cook, while I get this done." 

"Oh! If the kiddos are coming home tomorrow, I'll bake some cookies." 

Janus paused in the doorway, heartstrings tugged on. He appreciated Patton's optimism, even if he struggled to reciprocate sometimes. He genuinely hoped his cynicism would be wrong this time, and his boys would be safe home tomorrow. 

Marcellus made sure to wear his best suit for today. The Versace suit was a Taiwanese knockoff, but he doubted anyone would notice. He had a big day today, he intended to sell off the specimens before Sanders could notice - of course after last time's little slip, it'd be extremely evident who took them, and so he'd have to move on swiftly. Luckily this client was promising a massive paycheck, enough to skidaddle right out of here. 

The client was bringing his brother, since the two would apparently be purchasing for a shared menagerie. To balance the numbers, he'd asked a few colleagues to come make sure everyone behaved. They were meant to be taking a cut for their help, but, well. 

He wasn't sticking around, it wasn't like he needed to save face. 

With a nod, the four of them made their way to Sanders' lab. They'd borrowed the keys from the cleaner on night duty, and Logan wasn't due in for two hours. Plenty of time to show the two around, let them get excited and shit, write the cheque, and leave. 

It was just as they'd gotten to the door, Marcellus groaned. The lights to the laboratory were on, inside was the bratty little student that always followed Logan around. Trust this to be the only intern that bothers coming in on time - early, even - it was ten minuets to seven.

He took a deep sigh through his nose, cutting off the 'what do we do' mutterings by unlocking and swinging the door open in one confident movement. It was satisfying to watch the intern jump, twirling around before scowling. 

"Ew. It's you." 

Marcellus puffed up in offence, and the little shit smirked at him, clearly enjoying himself. He gritted his teeth, quietly reminding himself how much he was getting out of this. 

"Didn't Logan tell you to respect your elders, you disrespectful little twerp" 

The intern couldn't have seemed less bothered if he'd tried, hands in his pocket with a coy head tilt. 

"You're here early. You don't want Logan to tell you off again." 

"Shut it. And get out, we're using this room" 

"What?" the intern frowned at them, crossing his arms defensively as he noticed the way they'd all spread out. "We told you, you can't be in here" 

Marcellus took a step further, scowling "We didn't ask for your permission, get out before we drag you out" 

The little brat finally looked uncomfortable, gripping the mop he was holding a little tighter as he backed up and scowled. Behind him, the squid thing that had disappeared last time was swirling around, watching. 

Before Marcellus could continue, or the intern responded, the animals behind them seemed to perk up, the spider springing up the wall and making an unnerving chitter. The other began a frenzied spin, pulling up sand and releasing a bright green cloud in its wake. The four of them backed up, uncomfortable, but the intern simply turned to the creatures in slight intrigue. 

"Huh, they're both buzzed. Weird. Do any of you have any cheese on you?" 

"What? Why would we have -" 

Knock knock 

"Shit, it's the buyers!" someone hissed from behind him. Marcellus tensed, mind racing. He wasn't losing this money. 

Just as the intern was questioning what they meant, he lept into action, two following his motions to awkwardly grab the teen. There was a rather large back room, if they kept him in there, kept him quiet, this could work. 

"Get him in the back, one of you will be keeping him down" 

The brat was rather wriggly, though scrawny and uncoordinated, he still got dangerously close to kicking Marcellus in the crotch. 

"Get the fuck - Ah!" 

That's what he blamed his next move on, lunging forward to grab at the other's hair, twisting tight in the curls before shoving. 

The back of the intern's head smacked the beam of a metal shelf, thudding audibly. He was clearly stunned, staggering and nearly going falling sideways before Marcellus caught his jacket lapels. The door to the back room was opened by someone, so he wasted no time shoving him backwards so he ended up through the doors, flat on his back. 

Someone went in to ensure the brat stayed quiet, while Marcellus straightened out his jacket while swallowing down the shaky adrenaline and made his way to the two gentlemen at the door. 

The brother was tall like the first guy, though not fat, instead looking rather athletic behind a sleek, black suit. The side of his face was rather fucked up, and the brief second Marcellus spent staring caused his already impressive glare to deepen. 

"Gentlemen! Please, come in, it's so nice to see you again, oh and your brother ~" 

"Um. Yes." Patton started, stepping into the room. His gaze was instantly on the creatures, who in turn became even more animated and loud. "We're so excited to see the lil guys." 

The brother followed suit, not even sparing anyone else a glance. He seemed conflicted over which creature to look at, before Patton mumbled and situated himself in front of the squid thing, and so the brother went to the spider. 

The two almost seemed able to communicate with the creatures, or at least get their attention, both pushed against the glass and making loud noises. The three had to turn away and cringe, while the buyers couldn't have cared less, muttering gently to the mini monsters. 

After a while, of which Marcellus simply shrugged awkwardly at any side eyeing because this really wasn't expected, the brother rose slowly into a stand. He kept a yellow glove on the enclosure glass, the spider screeching and patting at it rapidly. 

"We shall pay triple to have these now."

Oh, that was delightful. Or it would be, but it just won't be possible, they needed to be taken after closing - then they'd have around ten hours to cover their own asses and get away before people noticed. 

"I-Um. No, we can't, we need to. It's a long process, get them fed and properly prepared for transport, these creatures don't appreciate being moved from their enclosures so -" 

A wet pop interrupted his hurried excuse, a deep feeling of dread filling his stomach as he glanced up and saw the squid out of its enclosure - clearly effortlessly popping through the small gaps on the top. 

Instead of attacking everyone, like one would expect a wild animal to do, it simply rolled sideways, disgusting slick noises as it fell off the tank, into Patton's arms. The man cuddled it close like something familiar, and the sick feeling in his stomach became worse. 

They'd probably stolen these rich guys' pets, they're pissed. 

"I think we'll be taking them now." the brother growled, openly fiddling with the door to the spider's enclosure. 

Panic bubbled up within him, Marcellus found himself barking "Stop! You don't touch them!" 

The guy next to him flinched, pulling a taser out of his belt and aiming. Oh yeah, this guy was security in the lobby. Should've figured he'd be armed. 

Neither of the buyers seemed thrilled by the threat, scowling fiercely. The brother threw the enclosure door open, the spider scurried out instantly to climb all over the man, sounding a mix between a police siren and an injured sheep.

"I think you ought to put your weapon down and allow us to leave" 

Marcellus stopped dead in his tracks as he took in his face, the scars were replaced with scales, clear as day. The man looked smug at the reveal, a yellow snake eye staring into his soul. 

The security guy was clearly ready to fire, looking rather spooked, when all their legs were taken clean out from underneath them rather violently. The wind was taken out of them all for a moment. It took his brain a few moments to notice a fucking snake tail coming from the strange guy. 

Patton handed the squid over, the naga-thing accepting it with - christ, with one of the six arms he'd just produced. Then Patton turned to smile at them, strained and awkward. 

"I believe it's time for you all to step aside. We're leaving with the kiddos." 

"Yes," the snake drawled, tail flicking to smack the taser gun away as the guy almost reached it "as much as I'd like to pummel you all right now, my babies need to go home."

Marcellus frowned, physical confrontation wasn't going to work, perhaps a lie? 

"You can't move them, they've both got trackers installed that sedate them if they leave this building-" 

The snake's tongue flickered out, eye glowing slightly, before scowling "Awfully bold to lie to me when the only thing saving you is my patience" 

The tongue flicked again, before the man frowned for a moment, glancing around as he cuddled the creatures tight. He turned, gaze falling on the shelf behind them that the intern had been smacked into. Huh, he hadn't noticed the blood splatter there. 

The long tail looped around until it reached the back door, pushing. Unfortunately, it opened easily, revealing the last of his 'helpers' as they grappled to keep the intern quiet. Patton gasped at the sight, and Marcellus winced slightly. It didn't look good. 

The tail whipped over the three one again, knocking them all down from where they'd been slowly pushing themselves up. 

His vision blurred for a moment, only capturing blurry shapes as Patton's figure morphed and grew into something very large and green. 

Chapter Text

Remy's head was still sore by the time he came to, though he was lying on something plush and felt comfortably warm. There also seemed to be something on him, right on his chest, not heavy enough to hurt. Something was sitting next to him, too, leaning on his chest and sitting on his hand. 

"Do you think he's dead?" a distinctly young voice asked, poking at his ribs. 

Directly above him, something croaked gently, and the child's voice hummed in agreement. 

"You're right, Vee, papa said he's sleepin', but like, he's been sleeping for forever! I wanna play already" 

More croaks and small chirps responded, as Remy absently tried to get his body to respond. 

"I know papa said not to bother him -" 

"Boys? I thought I told you not to bother Remy while he's getting better"  a new voice called out, stern. 

"Papa!" 

"Very cute, you little horror, but I told you not to be here." 

"I just…he kept us company, when we were somewhere new. Don't want him to be scared."

" Oh," the voice cooed, full of warmth and compassion "Aren't you a caring little thing? Unfortunately, you'll have to leave anyway, I've just finished preparing your dinner, but if you promise to be gentle I'll let you two stay in here for tonight" 

"Really? Really really?" 

" Really, really, really, my dear" the voice hummed, amused

The weights on his chest and side were lifted, making a slight shiver run through him. 

"What are we having, papa?" 

"Little three pasta, dear, and Virgil is having mealworm and woodlouse mixed in if you'd like some too?" a gentle chirp seemed to cheer the choice of meal

"Oh, yes please papa!" the child shouted, making his head hurt

"Very well, my sweet little monstrosity, but let's leave Remy alone if you want to yell…" 

The voices tapered out as a door was pulled shut, leaving Remy back in darkness. The throb of his skull begged for him to go back to sleep, but there was no way he could when it was alarmingly obvious that he was in a place and with people he did not know. 

After some moments of pretty awesome will power, his eyes finally pried open, to a tall ceiling painted a gentle eggshell with an intricate floral detail carved in. He slowly glanced around, wincing slightly, before deciding to heave himself up. 

The headache intensified instantly, but he felt slightly less vulnerable so Remy counted it as a win. Glancing around, he was honestly shocked to see he wasn't in some dingy basement or abandoned shack. 

Pretty decent kidnapping, all things considered. 

Still, he thought as he steadied himself out and tried to balance there's no way I'm sticking around to see what kind of family feeds their kids worms and louse

Standing wasn't the easiest, but once he was up, he glanced down at himself. The only thing his that he had on was mismatched socks covering his feet. Other than that, he had a plain yellow shirt on, and some ridiculously oversized pyjama pants, pink and covered in cartoon cats. Numbly, he inspected them, seeing that they had the text 'cool pussy' all over them in a font alarmingly close to comic sans. 

"Girl boss as fuck," Remy mumbled, laughing quietly, only slightly manic. 

The drawstrings were pulled as tight as possible on the pants, but there was plenty of slack to pull the hem, glancing down. Remy found himself sighing in relief; his underwear had remained intact too. 

On the bedside table sat his trusty shades, so he was quick to slip them on. 

"Right let's…try and get out of here. Preferably alive and without eating any bugs." 

Mumbling to himself seemed to help as he made his way through an empty, but cosy feeling, hallway. So far, the house felt rather large, and practically oozed the 'old money' vibe. Instead of old family portraits or naked renaissance women, large frames held illustrations of mythical creatures and monsters, not even a hero fighting it. Just the creatures, looking rather majestic. 

In the hallway there was a large mirror, and so Remy could finally catch a glimpse of himself,  tilting his head slightly to see the bandaging wrapped around it. His hair was parted in two, a bun above the top of the bandages and one below, presumably to keep it out the way. He idly pulled the ties out, fluffing and fussing his hair until it looked semi decent and mostly covered all traces of the injury. Nice. 

"Right, time to not fall down these stairs," 

The double staircase was more proof of being in some rich ass house, creeping Remy out further as he considered a multitude of horror movie tropes. Would there be staff members trying to hunt me down? What if they've got guard dogs outside to shred him? What if - 

The multitude of rushing thoughts died instantly as he turned a corner and ended up in some form of dining room. With people inside. Dining. 

'Well, people was putting it lightly,' he mused as he simply stared ' that one seems to be a giant frog, and that's a massive snake tail, and that's -' 

A confused whine escaped him at the sight of the lil spider dude sitting at the table. Well, sat on the table, being fed by a scaly dude. The gooey looking child on the booster seat with random tentacles popping out of them? Probably the other creature. 

Shit. We stole some kids. 

"Oh, kiddo, you're awake!" the large frog guy beamed "You've been uh, 'having a nap' for quite a while, why don't you come eat? There's plenty. It's little pasta three tonight, with garlic bread." 

He was hungry, starving really, and the food smelled great. But that wasn't what made him sit down, no, it was in a purely bewildered daze that he sat at the chair pulled out for him, allowed it to be pushed, watched multiple arms assemble a plate of pasta and slide it over. 

"Would you like a drink, dear?" the snake asked, idly scratching the spider baby, who purred along as he nibbled. 

Mouth dry and extremely parched, he slapped his lips together a few times as he stared at the dish. 

"There's no…" he trailed off for a moment, brain still chugging like an old computer "there's no bugs in this" 

"Apologies, no, there isn't. I didn't think humans would want any- nevermind, there's plenty left, I'll go get you some," 

The snake had his hands on the table, ready to stand, so Remy shook his head as much as he could without pain. Which wasn't much. 

"Um, no thank you, on the bugs. I will have a drink though?" 

"Absolutely, I'll go and get that, what would you like? We have all sorts of juice, or some milk -" 

"Chocolate milk!" the slimy child cheered, happily pouring his own cup of milk all over his own food. The snake man simply sighed and gently took the cup off him, the child gleefully tucking into his meal. 

"I'll refill your cup, Remus, and for you?" 

Remy gulped as the man's gaze turned to him, unnerving eyes unblinking. 

"Oh, just a water, that'll be fine…" easier to taste if anythings amiss, too

"Certainly, I'll go and get you a cup" 

With that the man slivered off, still cradling the little spider in his hands, who in turn was still nibbling at a bit of pasta.

Remy relaxed his shoulders slightly, now only stuck with two unknown creatures instead of four, and no closer to knowing how the fuck he was getting home. 

"Is your head still hurting, kiddo?" the frog asked, all gentle and caring. 

Caught off guard by the absolute mind-fuck of the situation, and probably still rather concussed, Remy barked a harsh laugh and stabbed some pasta with his fork. 

"Yeah, gurl, it's killing me." 

EARLIER 

Logan made his way into work, a duffle bag full of toys and equipment to be used for today. He'd admittedly gotten rather enamoured with videos of various sea creatures being trained, and had raided a few stores in search of some tools for training. Very exciting. 

The main reception was bustling with employees, security, and many people Logan didn't realise. With a frown he walked over to the desk to ask Dot, who was speaking to a militant-type person looking rather frazzled. She glanced at him with disinterest, before seemingly registering who it was, and jumping. 

"Dr. Sanders! Just the man we need. There's been a security breach!" 

Logan blinked, trying to decipher why a security breach would require him in particular, before recalling the incident of his little creatures almost being abducted, and nodded confidently. 

"Ah, yes. Well I'm happy this is getting pursued with importance - will I be filling out a statement?" 

"Yes, sir, we'll be interviewing soon but we need to ask you a very important question," the militant asked, hands on their hips and looking rather serious "Are you aware of where your intern is at this current moment?"

"Remy? He should've been here before me, I assumed he'd have spoken to one of you. He was with me, I'm sure his statement would also be valuable" 

The person looked up from their notepad, frowning slightly, "With all due respect, sir, it's him we're looking for. We have four staff members all confirming that he took off at  around seven forty am with the new specimens signed under your care." 

"WHAT?" 

He didn't even acknowledge the way everyone looked over at his yell, too shocked to believe that Remy was being accused of something so serious. And he knew exactly who had actually done it, it had to have been the same scientists trying before. 

" Calm down, sir, we really need you to cooperate in helping us find him. He's still a minor, so I'm sure his sentence won't be as severe" the person tried to soothe, but Logan shrugged it off - stupid lies, even though Remy didn't do anything, Logan had no doubt if caught they'd slap the maximum punishment and stick as much stuff in him as possible. 

The creatures were of extreme scientific interest and potentially dangerous, he wouldn't be surprised if they tried to claim Remy was attempting some form of terrorism with their destructive saliva. He winced at the thought. 

"I wish to see the state of my laboratory, and I won't be making any statements until both me and my intern have attorneys." 

" Dr Sanders, please-" 

"Absolutely not! I can't believe you're accusing Remy, his record is perfect!" 

"I don't understand!" they huffed, hands thrown up "You were cooperating five minutes ago!" 

"I thought you were talking about the break in that happened in the labs, two days ago!" 

"We weren't informed of any break in except for the one today" 

"Four individuals with staff members ids were trying to transport my - the specimens away, claiming they'd had permission to sell them!" 

"A very serious accusation, did you report this?" 

"Not at the time, I-" he took a deep breath, no use losing his composure, Remy needed him to sort this "I should've filed a report and pulled up the scientists involved but I didn't, and I apologise, I was preoccupied trying to pull both creatures out of the distressed state they were in" 

"Hmm" they mumbled, like they didn't quite believe him "Well now you're here, you won't be allowed to leave. These creatures are not only a massive breakthrough scientifically, but potentially lethal in the wrong hands. This is a government matter now." 

"What? You can't just, keep us all in here!" 

"Just you, and those that work on your floor and department. But yeah, we can. You've got all your needs met, the canteen is open, bathrooms, you can sleep on them benches if you really want --" 

Logan scowled, dread crawling up his spine as he stared off at them. This was not good, not good at all. The militant simply smiled sharply, jerking their head to the elevator. 

" C'mon, I'll walk you to your lab. See if the mess your intern left it in can convince you to talk." 

Chapter Text

What followed was perhaps the most stressful five hours of Logan's life. Officers, detectives, lieutenants, and whoever else wanted to give it a try, all interviewed the stressed out scientist in an attempt to gain any information on Remy. No matter how many empty rooms he was sat in, how many people with badges circled him, Logan either stayed silent or calmly reiterated for the recording that he was not going to speak without legal advice and that he was being held unlawfully. 

Empty threats of criminal charges for obstructing an officer or protecting a fugitive got incredibly grating, but once they realised Logan was not buying it, they trickled into reminders that he wouldn't be going home, or that Remy was going to be going to be found anyway so what was the point? 

At lunch time, a female officer was sent it - Logan assumed it was because she was the kindest looking, dressed down in everyday wear and a soft expression. She brought him some unappetising tuna salad from the canine as she tried to get him to talk - using the most scripted 'casual' talk as was physically possible. Logan had to resist the urge to roll his eyes at a few of the lines. 

He blankly chewed the tuna - that he doubted had any trace of the actual fish - only to avoid the officer's being able to use his refusal to eat as a 'hunger strike' and escalate the situation. 

"All I'm saying is that you're taking this remarkably well," the officer started, leaning back like she was gossiping with a friend. "If I had all my work stolen, you bet I'd be doing everything I can to get it back. I mean, all that research, them animals. That paper you're working on, I skimmed through it - impressive stuff, it could really boost your career and he's just ran off with it? Aren't you upset? "

" You seem quite convinced that Remy is guilty," he huffed, glaring at her "I wasn't aware this case had been ruled by a judge" 

The frustrated frown of the officer's face was worth breaking his own silence, before she leant in slightly to play the next card. 

"You're a very caring man, Dr. Sanders, we know you've got a fondness for him. We've got countless footage of you entering and leaving together, driving him to and from work. But you need to think about the safety of your real child--" 

"Who on earth gave you the right to talk about my son?" he snapped, already frustrated beyond belief. 

"Your social media along with Remy's has been combed through extensively, and we are in the process of getting a warrant for your mobile phone, car, and a search of your house," she laced her fingers together, the kind facade fading into sternness "Do you really want to put Roman through all that? Have to explain what Remy has done and why police are in the house? We can avoid that, Logan, just speak to us." 

Wow. Logan exhaled heavily. 

"Let me make this clear. You can not bully me into giving up my legal rights, trying to use my own child against me as emotional leverage merely ruins your credibility as an officer. I am done speaking with you." 

The officer stood up with a huff, stomping out the door and slamming it shut. Logan couldn't even enjoy her irritation, much too upset himself. 

Time ticked on, and eventually another police officer opened the door, asked him to follow them to his laboratory. The walk was tense, the officer likely very aware of Logan's refusal to cooperate - and just as likely having received a dramatised version of the event in which Logan appears entirely unreasonable. 

The laboratory was a mess, thrown desks, smashed beakers, the tank was cracked leaving the floor rather waterlogged. The was well guarded to get in, but there weren't any officers inside, and not a single evidence marker. Surely they hadn't finished here yet? 

"What investigation work has been done here?" 

The officer jumped slightly at the question, glancing around awkwardly. "Uh, we had a look around earlier, took pictures and stuff. The witness testimonials pretty much line up with what we're seeing." 

"And, please, what are the witness testimonials?" 

"I don't think I'm supposed to -" 

"Please, this case has already disregarded so many protocols and laws. Just tell me." 

"Well um, at around seven am, the witnesses entered the laboratory to see where some missing equipment was going and saw the suspect, uh, trying to move the animals into portable containers to sell 'em, and then even they tried to stop him and a fight broke out and then the suspect ran off with the animals -"

Logan hummed, walking around, wet socks be damned.

"Right, and I imagine there were four witnesses? Was one Professor Payne?" 

"Oh, um, yeah." 

"And how did the reinforced tank get cracked?" 

"We haven't determined -" 

"And the large dent in the ceiling panels? Did a five-foot-four teenager manage to throw an adult up into it?" 

"Um, I wasn't the one who interviewed them, so you'd have to ask them…"

"The smashed beakers and knocked over trolley suggests quite a fight, could four people not restrain one?" 

"I-" 

"Remy's leather jacket and satchel were in an officer's hand outside, so he didn't take them with him - he wouldn't willingly go anywhere without them, and they contain his wallet, keys, bus pass - excetera. Do you expect him to be just walking around with two large containers of specimens? And no one saw him? "

" Sir I only just got here-"

" There's blood on the shelf bracket over there?"

The officer paused their nervous ramblings and looked at where Logan was indicating, treading ankle-deep water to inspect it, before activating the radio strapped to their shoulder. 

" Captain, we're going to have to send forensics in here. "

" Forensics haven't been here yet?!" Logan practically yelled in exasperation, throwing up his hands while the officer meekly ushered him out so they could finally do some actual police work.

And so he ended up back in the lobby, sat across from Dot. The receptionist was apparently free to go, but had stayed behind, making Logan a cup of tea and trying to take his mind off the situation. A lieutenants sat close by, most definitely listening in while pretending to be engaged with a crossword. 

"So how is Larry finding his volunteer work?" 

"Oh, he's doing so well, he was just meant for theatre performances," Dot smiled fondly and shook her head "Though he's surrounded by all these different youngsters, so he's picking up all this slang and humour, I haven't a clue what he's saying!" 

Logan chuckled at that, sipping his tea as she babbled on about her husband, nodding along, sincerely agreeing with the sentiment that he and Roman should come round for dinner some time (and gracefully ignored the little slip up, almost saying that 'you, Roman, and Remy should come') 

"Maybe you'll be able to talk some sense into him, he's got the terribly gaudy jacket, and just won't throw it out - oh" 

Dot's reaction was confusing as she glanced towards the door looking rather dejected. Before Logan could turn around, he heard - 

"Daddy!" a very familiar voice yelled before little feet pattered on the tile. On instincts, he scooped Roman up into his arms, mind still reeling. 

"Roman?" 

"Who else, daddy!" his baby giggled, chubby arms cuddling his neck "That grumpy police officer picked me up from school and said that my daddy has to stay in work" 

Logan simply cuddled him close, irritated beyond belief as the same officer approached him, hands on their belt and smiling, tense. 

"Afternoon, doctor. Went to pick your son up so he wasn't waiting." 

"I can see that," he responded, bluntly, "Never do that again." 

"Shucks, would you rather he be stuck in a classroom like a little Ebenezer Scrooge?" 

"I'd rather not be illegally detained so I could pick him up myself, but given the choice, yes, I would have rather he stayed at preschool." 

Roman glanced between the two, noticing how his daddy seemed mad. He'd never been mad at Roman like that, it was a quiet kind of mad that daddy only got around other adults, like when the couple down the street have loud parties and race their cars, or when a man pushed past him and knocked him over. 

A mad daddy wasn't fun, even if Roman hadn't done anything wrong, so while daddy and the officer were talking to each other, he reached up to pat at his cheeks. It normally got him smiling. 

Daddy did smile, though it was a little stressed, reaching up to take the hands and kiss them gently - Roman giggled at that. 

"Sweet little Prince. Do you have your Disney book in your bag?" 

What kind of question was that? Of course he did! The book was full of three hundred different activities, from colouring in to word scrambles. Remy had bought it for him last week, claiming it was 'Three for two' at a local bookstore, whatever that meant. Roman had given him at least ten thank yous, and tried to offer his dessert to him, though Remy turned that down and said he was full enough already. 

Roman hadn't put the book down all week, and had gotten up to activity 58! 

"Uh-huh, daddy, got my colours too!" 

"Brilliant, can you sit here with Dot? I'm sure she wants to know all about your book," the lady nodded in agreement with a kind smile "Daddy just needs to talk to this officer for a minute" 

"Okay!" he agreed easily, squealing as daddy pressed a gentle kiss to his head before gently setting him down next to the kind Dot lady. 

"So, Um, this is my backpack, it's got a knight and a dragon on it! And-and the dragon has glitter on it -" he chatted as he took his bag off, happy that she still looked interested "And in it, I've got, well I've got lots of stuff, but there's this book that Remy got me and it's full of different stuff, like here you gotta colour in Tiana, and on this one you have to find out what these letters spell and daddy helped me with these ones, like this one says fryingpan when you move the letters around and that makes sense because it's about Rapunzel and she smacks Flynn on the head with one -"

.. 

" Well, good news, Doctor Sanders," the same officer approached him, looking smug as they stared at their phone "You can go home. The court has issued a warrant, so we'll be seizing your phone right now, and your keys so we can check your car."

Logan frowned as he was passed the phone, zooming in to read the details "What?" 

"We'll also be searching your house, so uh, I'll get someone to drive you home, we'll do a quick sweep of your house then you can relax with your kid." 

He sighed wearily, pulling out his phone and handing it over. They didn't have the authority to access his pin, but he'd let them find that out. The officer dropped it in a bag, before holding their hand out again, 

" Car keys? "

" I'll need to get my son's car seat out of it" 

"I'll do that for you, wouldn't want any evidence to 'fall out' of the car and not be found."

"I'm not sure what 'evidence' you think is going to be found, except for a few sweet wrappers from Remy sneaking sweets to Roman when he thinks I'm not looking." 

The officer all but rolled their eyes, taking the car keys from Logan and dropping them in the same bag. Logan gladly walked away from the officer to go and collect Roman. He'd stopped talking Dot's ear off, quietly colouring something in. Too small to lean across and use the table, he was leaning on Dot's thigh, who didn't seem bothered at all, carting her fingers gently through his hair. 

Logan smiled truly, wishing he hadn't had to give up his phone, so he could have captured the cute moment. Dot gave him a knowing smile, tapping Roman on the head gently to prompt him to look up. His little Prince smiled widely at him, dropping the pencils. 

"Daddy! Look, I coloured Cinderella in!" he beamed, holding the book up proudly. Logan smiled and scooped him up, inspecting the illustration. 

"Ro," he said with a smile "This is a colour-by-numbers, each segment has a number then see down here? That tells you what to colour each number." 

Roman huffed dramatically, waving a pencil around for emphasis "I know daddy, but that's so boring. It's all blue! But this way I got to use more pencils." 

Logan didn't bother pointing out that it was mostly blue because the character wore a large blue gown, instead giving him a kiss on the cheek. 

"It's very colourful, dear, I like it very much. It simply must go on the fridge"

Roman grinned, kicking his feet excitably. While he was busy being enthusiastic, Logan quickly tidied up the pencils, putting everything back in his backpack. "We have to get home now, say goodbye to Dot."

"Oh! Bye-bye, Dot!" The child hummed, perfectly polite with a charming little wave. Dot beamed and waved back. Logan mouthed 'thank you' to her, making his way over to the officer, who was waiting by the door, holding Roman's sticker-covered car seat. 

"That's my seat, daddy." Roman pointed an accusing finger at the officer, Logan chuckled at his alertness. 

"Yes, this police officer is going to drive us home because they need to look at my car." 

"So you can sit next to me now! And I can show you more of my book."

Logan smiled, nuzzling his son gently as they crossed the car park, frustrations of the day melting away. 

"I'll be happy to see them, have you been doing them at lunch time again? Or did you play out with your friends?" 

Janus watched the human child closely, the sluggish way he ate. Remus said he was called 'Remy' and had been very kind to both him and Virgil. That already left a good impression, the manners and cuteness was just an added bonus. 

The bump to the head caused by the cruel scientists looked painful, cut into his scalp - it was bleeding lightly by the time they got home, and Patton had tended to it while Janus was preoccupied curling up with his babies and cuddling them to within an inch of their life. 

"Would you like some dessert, boys? We've got plenty of cookies, and you've done really well with dinner." he smiled at Remus, and his trashed dinner plate. He was rather messy, but Janus knew he'd eaten plenty of it. The boy very nearly screamed, but likely remembered Janus' lecture to try and be quiet for a little while. Janus was very proud. 

Virgil tittered a soft coo, and Janus gave the baby a gentle scratch, smiling happily. His little face was blotched with sauce, so he tenderly wiped it with his thumb. 

That was two for cookies, one left. After a moment, he prompted, 

"Remy?" 

The teen jerked up slightly, glancing at Janus behind his strange, dark glasses. 

"Um," the human replied, intelligently 

"Cookies, dear, would you like some?" 

"There's gooey chocolate, peanut butter, plain, or toffee," Patton added, smiling gently. 

Remy rubbed his forehead, looking rather confused, but nodded "Sure, yeah, cookies please." 

Patton hummed and went to plate some cookies, gently patting Remy on the shoulder on his way out. Janus scooped little Virgil up, settling him on his shoulder comfortably. The little one was most likely going to fall asleep soon. 

"Remus, we don't eat the plates, you little horror" 

He watched in amusement as his son pouted, slowly pulling a whole plate out of his mouth, mumbling a sassy "maybe you don't" 

Janus snickered slightly, unable to help himself, though turning to a gentle smile when Patton began handing out the desserts. It seemed that Remy had gotten one of each cookie considering he hadn't said a preference, while Janus was given warmed up, gooey chocolate, and a single plain for Virgil. 

Remus was given two peanut butter cookies, smashed up, with an egg cracked on the top. It looked rather like puke, which Remus seemed to take as a plus. Patton was also having peanut butter cookies, minus the egg and with banana chopped on top. 

"They're divine, dear Patton." Janus hummed happily, savouring the gooey goodness. He gently fed Virgil little pieces of his cookie, but each piece was talking longer to nibble on, until he'd stopped biting all together; slowly dozing off while holding the biscuit. 

"Thank you uncle Pat!" Remus yelled suddenly, startling Virgil awake and making Remy flinch harshly. 

"You're welcome, kiddo, but we can't be screaming right now, can we?" 

Janus absently began rocking his baby, cooing at the soft whines of being woken up as Remus huffed an apology and returned to messily eating. It seemed the little horror wanted a bath and was determined to make himself as filthy as possible. 

After the cookies, Janus made his way to the kitchen to clean up, Virgil on his shoulder in a deep sleep. Remus rolled off to cause some mischief, and Remy simply stayed at the table. Must still be a little concussed, poor thing. 

A few moments passed, humming a French lullaby while methodically cleaning each plate, when Remy appeared in the doorway, rubbing his leg with the side of his other foot. Janus turned, lowering himself down slightly and trying to look as friendly as possible - he normally loved watching humans shrink back in fear as his true form was revealed, but he genuinely wanted Remy to be comfortable. 

"Hello, dear, I'm just cleaning up. Do you need anything?" 

"Listen, I just, I wanna know what I'm doing here and what you're gonna do" 

Janus raised a brow at that, and the teen shifted slightly before babbling on. 

"You like, fed me and stuff, but like, these lil dudes are yours and I've been helping keep them at a lab - I just, I dunno. If you've got any nefarious revenge plans I'd like, appreciate knowing them." 

Janus frowned at that, hesitant.

"I've heard only nice things about you, and both my boys seem to be fond of you. My eldest, Remus, he's a lot of things but he doesn't lie. I asked him if you ever hurt them and he didn't lie." Janus was very stern, trying to get it into his head "We took you back home because the other humans had hurt you badly and we didn't want to leave you behind. You're just a youngling, we couldn't have left you like that." 

"I'm not…" he trailed off, as though forgetting what he was objecting to, before glancing around "Will I get to go home?" 

Janus sighed, noticing the wide pupils and figuring the delicate discussion of we can't take you back to the humans, at least for a while, and really, you'll enjoy it here if you let yourself - 

"Could we discuss it in the morning? I need to clean and you look terribly exhausted." 

He tugged him along gently, considering if picking the human up would go well. For now he allowed Remy go up the stairs on his own, tightly gripping the banister and Janus hovering close behind. 

" My bedroom is at the bottom of the hallway, see?" Janus pointed out the extravagant doorway, to which Remy simply hummed, dizzy on his feet "If you need something during the night, please, simply knock on the door. Or even come in if it's urgent, I won't be upset. There's water on your side table, Remus' room is next to yours and -" 

"Mine?" 

"Well, it's technically a spare room right now, but you can decorate it however you like, or we have other rooms if you want to move it." 

Remy looked up at him, glasses low on his nose revealed big brown eyes scrutinising him before sighing. 

"Christ," the teen mumbled, and Janus wished desperately to know what Remy had been thinking before staggering forward into his room. 

Janus didn't bother following him, knowing privacy was important as a child grew older.

He had no doubt Remy was misinterpreting the situation and, based on his previous question, was probably convinced that Janus and Patton were bad guys, but Janus didn't know how to reverse that. 

He had all night to figure it out, perhaps reading up on humans would help, make Remy a little more at ease about the idea of being here. 

Yeah. 

"Good night, Remy, I hope you have sweet dreams" he said with as much sincerity as possible. 

On the other side of the door, Remy scoffed softly, examining the window, trying not to be distracted by the gorgeous and otherworldly forest surrounding the strange house, trees glimmering and shiny, animals scuttling in the darkness just a little off to be identifiable. 

The traitorous, nerdy part of him was very intrigued. 

The rest of him just wanted to go home and get a coffee. 

Chapter Text

Logan was so engrossed in his work, hunched over the laptop since four this morning, he almost missed the little patters coming downstairs. Without his dad there to wake him, Roman had woken up at just past nine, messy hair, clutching his Rarity teddy, and slightly confused. 

"Daddy, good morning! I'm awake!" Roman greeted, cheerful despite the change in routine. 

"Hello, dear, good morning to you, too. Did you sleep well?" Logan gave his best smile, closing out of the windows he had open, leaning back in his seat. In a few seconds, Roman was there, clamoring up to sit on his lap. 

"Uh-huh! Was nice and cosy…" Roman glanced around as Logan played with his hair, noting the lack of packed lunch or school bag ready to go. "No school?" 

"Not today, I'm afraid, I'm not going to work either."

Roman frowned, processing the information as he stared at daddy's desktop picture; Roman on a swing at the local park, smiling widely. The legs of the person pushing him was in frame, , reminding him of who wasn't here. 

"Issit cause of Remy?" 

"Is it." Logan corrected, before conceding. "And yes, in a way, but Remy hasn't done anything wrong."

"But he's still in trouble." Roman responded, somewhat sadly. Logan gave him a little squeeze. 

"Yes, that's right, dear, but daddy is working on it."

Roman nodded along, kicking his little socked feet as he mused to himself. "What are you going to do, daddy?" 

"Well, first, I'm going to cook us both some breakfast. Then I'll need to make some phone calls, then we're going to look for Remy."

"Maybe he's out getting a coffee."

Logan pressed a kiss to Roman's head, smiling softly. "Maybe. We'll check there first, huh?" 

…

Later that morning, Logan approached their local Starbucks, Roman holding his hand and following. They'd gotten on a bus, since Logan's car was still seized to find non-existent evidence for Remy's alleged crime. Roman had only come here when in the car, whenever Remy managed to convince Logan to go through the drive-through so the teen could order - an event that had increased in frequency until they were here nearly every day. 

The establishment was mildly busy, the rush of university students wanting a morning coffee had tapered down as lectures started, a few older couples and students deciding to skip class remained. 

Roman tugged on Logan's jacket, prompting the scientist to scoop the toddler up in a secure hug as they waited in line. 

The barista was only a little older than Remy, and a little shorter, looking rather tired yet with a cheerful expression. Logan readied his picture as it was their turn next, smiling politely as he read the name and pronoun badge. 

Peter. 

He/him/fae/faem

Happy to help! 

"Hi there, welcome to Starbucks, what can I get for you today?" Peter smiled, ready to type an order into the till. 

"Hello. Sorry, I'm not here to purchase a drink, I need to make an inquiry."

"Oh. Do you need a manager? I-I can get you a manager, no problem.” Fae asked, glancing around for a superior.

“No thank you, I need to ask about a missing teen that comes here rather frequently. I fear he’s being pursued and would very much like to get to him first.”

“Oh, fuck.” Peter mumbled, before his eyes widened and stared at Roman, realising fae had cursed in front of a child. “I’m so sorry sir -”

“It’s quite alright. Please, look at this picture, I need to know if you’ve seen him.”

Peter blinked, smiling politely and leaning slightly to see the man’s phone. He recognised the teen instantly, how could fae not? 

"That's Remy." Peter said, nodding, before realising that the customer probably knew that already and wanted more. "He's in here pretty much every day, knows all the staff and other regulars by their name. I mean, everyone knows the staff names cause we've got uh. He knows our names without - he doesn't have to look, you know?" 

"Yes, I understand." Logan said, patient with the teen. "Have you seen him? Within the past two days?" 

"Oh. No, actually, I haven't. Which is like, strange, do you know where he is?" 

"I don't, he's missing." 

"Ah, yes sorry. I uh, forgot."

Logan sighed, taking the phone back. "It's alright. I apologise for holding up your line, thank you for your time."

With that, he turned to leave, and though he hadn't expected much, he still managed to be disappointed. 

"No Remy?" Roman asked, rather sadly, so Logan gave him an affectionate squeeze. 

"I'm afraid not, dear, but we'll find him."  

… 

Next visit was to the college Remy attended, a rather small yet prestigious institution for science and industry that sat within an old church. Remy claimed that he simply enrolled because he 'loved the vibe'. 

Roman was less shy in this building, tottling off to read displays, but responding with an enthusiastic 'Okay, daddy!' when he was reminded to stay where Logan could see him. 

The person behind the desk was idly typing away, glancing up at Logan. 

"Hello, my name is Dallon, and welcome to West Shores Technical, college of Sciences, Mathematics, and Industry. How can I help you?" The line sounded as forced as humanly possible, but Logan smiled regardless. 

"Hello. I'm looking for a teenager I believe has gone missing - he goes here, so I was hoping I could receive some useful information on where he could be."

The receptionist clicked their tongue, looking around the desk before sighing slightly. "I can't tell you much unless you're a carer, what name is it under?" 

"Remington Dormir, first year." 

"Hmm, uh okay, is he in biochem level four?" 

Logan puffed up slightly, feeling proud that Remy was at such a high level at such a young age - being able to skip three whole levels, totalling six years, due to his intelligence and dedication. After a moment he realised that he hadn't responded, and nodded. 

"Ah, yes, that's him. I have a picture of him, if you'd like to match it to the student id."

Logan showed the picture on his phone, watching as the receptionist eyed it critically for a moment. 

"Yeah. That's him. Are you a relative?" 

"Not exactly…" 

"Oh, are you Logan?" 

Logan blinked, but nodded. "Um, yes, how did you know?" 

"You're the only contact listed." 

"Oh…" Logan mumbled, feeling a little sombre. Obviously he wanted to be on it, but to be the only one listed - 

"He's put your relation down as 'science guy'." 

Logan laughed slightly, caught off guard. "Yes, that sounds like something Remy would say. So, do you know if he's here? Has he been in here today?" 

"No. He's not been in since Monday to attend a lecture, and has spent the rest of the week in work placement."

Logan physically deflated, the stress of getting his hopes up and having his time wasted. 

"Okay, well thank you for helping…could I please ask that you call me if Remy does happen to show up? I'll leave my number if you need."

"It's okay, we have it. You're a contact." 

"Oh, yes, sorry. I'll get going then, come on Roman." Logan called, watching as Roman tottled over from watching a plasma ball. 

"Bye bye!" Roman called to the receptionist, smiling sweetly. "Thank you for letting me play with your toys!" He beamed, gesturing to all the nick nacks dotted around the lobby. 

 "Aww." Dallon cooed, gentle. "You're welcome."

Logan smiled for a moment, before sobering back up, and leaving - holding Roman's hand as he went. 

… 

The search continued much like that, a litany of people unable to help. Dallon had called later that evening, only to tell him that the police had showed up to the college demanding the same information with no warrant. 

The news was frustrating, though he forwarded the information to his attorney, and went about his business. 

Sunday morning was spent, as usual, at the park with Roman. It was a children's play group that he adored, though Roman insisted on walking a lap around the park with Logan first, in case they found Remy. There was no luck, though Roman did enjoy petting a very muddy doberman, in turn becoming rather muddy himself. Logan simply hoped it didn't reignite the 'can we have a dog' conversation. 

Playgroup ran smoothly, though Roman often paused mid-game to watch his dad, picking up on the nervousness Logan was radiating. The scientist tried to relax, and give a little wave, but Roman only nodded, more certain that his daddy was upset about something. 

He'd taken Roman to a family-run café for lunch, the toddler politely asking for macaroni and cheese before working on his activity mat with an intense focus. Logan had connected to the cafe's Internet so he could keep in contact with his solicitors via email. He received the notification from his news app, the headline instantly catching his attention. 

SEARCH FOR MISSING RESEARCH PROJECT - TEENAGE BOY ALSO UNACCOUNTED FOR

Logan scanned the headline, frowning deeply as Remy's face was plastered over the tabloid. The story was framing Remy as collateral in a horrific robbery - though it was more accurate than Remy being the perpetrator, it was clear that the authorities were hoping a good samaritan would find Remy and call them. 

He bit back a simmer of rage, glancing around the cafe as if checking who was watching. He half expected one of the scientists to be sat at another table, laughing at his disdain, but alas. Roman was still working diligently, colouring in a sentient milk carton bright pink. 

Right, this situation wasn't ideal, but it was surely manageable. 

Dialling their main solicitor, Tyler, confident they'd pick up despite the out-of-office hours. After five rings, Logan was correct. 

"Tyler Windsor speaking."

"Yes, hello, this is Logan Sanders. I need a meeting with you, as soon as possible."

A moment passed before Tyler responded. "Oh. I've just seen the headline. Nine Thirty, tomorrow morning? Should be enough time to drop your kid off at daycare." 

Logan scoffed, stroking Roman's hand as the child stopped drawing to look at him. "Roman isn't going anywhere until I have assurance another officer won't be able to take him without my consent."

"Yeaaaahhh." Tyler responded awkwardly. "Still trying to figure out how he was able to do that. The warrant certainly didn't cover it."

"I'll see you tomorrow, thank you for seeing me on such short notice. Enjoy your Sunday."

Roman gently handed his daddy a blue crayon, smiling as his expression softened. "Is okay daddy, we'll find him."

Logan smiled at his son, holding his hand. 

"Thank you, Roman. We will find Remy, and he'll be okay. For now we need to wait nicely for our food to come." He inspected the activity mat, smiling gently at the doodles. "Can you tell me what you're drawing?" 

Remy didn't manage to sleep, despite the fact his head was throbbing painfully and his eyes were tired, the weird situation he found himself in made falling asleep rather difficult - nevermind his chronic insomnia acting up. It was still pitch black when he clumsily rose back up, eyeing all the weird shadows cast in the room. The only light he had was the glow of the strange forest outside, slowly changing hues every few minutes. It was calming, in a way, though Remy had no idea what was making it glow like that. 

"Wonder if I could get an uber out here…" He mumbled to himself, trying to stay somewhat relaxed in such an odd situation. 

Wandering out the room - not his room, regardless of what snakey said - revealed a slightly more illuminated hallway, though the long, empty corridors instantly put Remy's hackles up. It was just wrong. 

Creepy. Didn't like it. 

"Don't like it." He whispered, to no one in particular. 

Back down the stairwell, because now was not the time to snoop, Remy just wanted to see if there was any way to go home. 

He determined the front door was locked after a moment of uselessly wiggling it, along with all the windows, although it was a perfectly normal thing to do at night Remy couldn't help the flicker of frustration and nervousness at being closed in. 

"Ugh, this suuucks. Where's Lo…"

A sudden, gentle tap on his leg was enough to startle Remy, jerking backwards and almost tripping over the little guy. 

Virgil trilled in concern, uncurling now it was safe, and staring up at Remy. Even he could tell the human was a little shy, especially around Papa and Uncle Pat. When Virgil was woken up, nestled in a big web above Papa's door, he thought that Remy might've been going to knock on the door. It's what Virgil and Remus do if they can't sleep - instead, he went downstairs to mess with the door. 

Silly, that wasn't how you got back to sleep. 

Ideally papa would be here, but Virgil was happy to lead Remy to the couch. 

"Where are you taking me, spider baby? Is this revenge for stealing you?" 

The creature, the baby, just tittered at him, urging him to follow until they got to the couch. 

"Uh, nice couch? What do you - oh yikes you're crawling up me, here -" Remy huffed and shifted around to accommodate the spider, stroking his carapace gently. 

Virgil chirped, wriggling, trying to encourage the human to sit down. 

"What? I'm holding you! Am I doing it wrong?" Remy frowned, examining his hold, anywhere that could be causing issues. 

Virgil made a series of clicks, standing on Remy's shoulder before deliberately dropping into a lie position, and repeating. After a moment of blank staring, Remy lowered himself onto the couch, sighing at the celebrating chirps. 

"Weird baby." Was his only comment, though kept a careful hold on Virgil's carapace. 

Unbeknownst to him, the serpine father was at the top of the stairs, listening in with a soft smile. 

Virgil set about making himself comfortable, turning in little circles on Remy's chest before plopping down. The teen sighed, breath tickling the spider. 

"Cheeky little thing, you are. Just using me as a bed. I've got plans, you know!" 

The spider baby began purring, unprompted, sending pleasant rumbles through his sternum. 

Remy was a little chilly, but it didn't stop him from drifting. 

And soon enough, 

He was… 

Asleep. 

Too deeply asleep to notice as a soft, warm blanket was tucked in comfortably with six arms, a gentle hand touching his forehead affectionately before leaving the two to sleep on the couch. 

Chapter Text

Remy knew he was pretty smart - not as much as Logan hyped him up to be, but still. That wasn't to say Remy couldn't be stupid at times, in hindsight he probably shouldn't have stomped into the lab with so much cockiness, and should've just called security or Logan. 

But maybe if he hadn't stormed in alone like an idiot, then been knocked out against a shelf (like an idiot), then the hulking snake-dude might have not taken pity on him, might have treated him as just another low-life scientist that had stolen his babies. Remy couldn't really fault him for that. 

Instead, inexplicably, Remy found himself taken in and treated kindly by both Janus and Patton. After the shock of their existence wore off for Remy, he could see that they truly were a bunch of dorks that loved their kids. Reminded Remy of a certain scientist, really. 

"Now kiddos, do we want milk or juice with our breakfast?" Patton's cheerful voice rang out, placing a bowl of rice pudding in front of Remy. "Sprinkle of cinnamon, blueberries, and roasted apples for Remy, extra milky with cicada and pupa for Virgey, and then egg shells and dirt for an invisible little boy."

Remus giggled playfully, sat between Remy and Janus, with his skin turned transparent to try and camouflage. Remy idly mused, wondering if Remus utilised the same chromatophores that an octopus does, contracting the fabric of his muscles to shrink the pigment, or if the giggly little fiend had a unique ability. 

"I believe Virgil would like warm milk with his breakfast," Janus hummed, smiling as the little spider danced around on his papa's lap. 

"Aww, I'll put that on the stove in a minute, boogie boy. What do you think Remus would like?" 

Janus pretended to think it over, stroking his chin with a deep hum. Remus giggled quietly in anticipation. "I really don't know. You'll have to ask him, dear brother."

"Janny, I can't!" Patton exclaimed, gesturing wildly around the room in a dramatic fashion. "He's not here!" 

Janus gasped, a set of hands across his chest in surprise. "My baby is missing! Who will eat his breakfast?" 

Remus laughed once more, innocent yet devious in a way only a small kid could possess. The slight outline of Remus was visible as he noisily clambered onto the table - though Janus and Patton acted completely unaware of his movement. 

"Papa, Unca' Pat, I'm here!" Remus called out, still camouflaged, so the two adults looked around wildly, pretending they couldn't see. Though Janus discreetly moved his breakfast bowl to the side, to relative safety. 

"Remus? Remus! Where have you gone, my little horror?" 

The transparent blob launched itself at Janus, the snake catching it easily, as Remus giggled and giggled so much his camouflage melted away. 

"I'm here papa! I was here all along!" 

"So you were, you little sneak. Now, what drink would you like, so poor Patton can sit down?" 

Remus blinked, before quite literally snapping his neck to stare at Patton. Neither seemed creeped out by it. 

"Errm. I have Remus' juice, please." The boy asked with the utmost politeness. 

Janus and Patton shared a grimace, but agreed to the request, as Remus slid out of Janus' arms to go sit down again. Remy raised a brow, wholly confused. 

"What's in his juice?" 

"Even I can not think about it too long without gagging," Janus confessed, "It is best not to know."

Considering that Patton retrieved the drink from under the sink, in a black tub full of water and covered with a lid, holding the jug out like a biohazard - Remy nodded and agreed to leave the matter be. 

"You should, should try it! Virgil won't, he just hisses at me - but it's super yummy! Promise!" 

"Remus, your brother hisses because the poor thing woke up from his nap with you trying to waterboard him with it!" 

"I wasn't! I just wanted him to try it, it's very nice." Remus added the last part while staring at Remy. The teen clucked his tongue, reminded of the times Roman would try and convince him to dress up as the princess that 'Prince' Roman was trying to save. 

"Nice try, kid, but you keep your special juice to yourself."

Patton slid a cup over to Remus with a smile, giving a cheerful 'Here you are, kiddo!'. Remus pulled the cup close, pulling in for a drink. The black silly-straw lit up green as liquid ran through it, and Remus hummed happily. 

"Thank you for breakfast and my drink, Uncle Pat."

"Aww, kiddo, that's no problem! Do you want a drink before I sit down, Remy?" 

"Uh, I don't suppose you have any coffee laying about?" Remy asked, already knowing the answer, since he'd asked before. He still groaned as Patton shook his head with an air of sincere apology on his face. 

"Aw, sorry kiddo, we don't. If you need something warm, you can have warm milk like Virgil?" 

"Or some tea, if you'd prefer. I'm sure I can find a nice, mild blend for you." Janus offered with a sincere smile. 

"Nah, it's fine, thank you though. I'm just missing my bean juice."

A wet hand patted his back, Remus nodding as though he knew all the wisdom the world had to offer. 

"I prefer bin juice," Remus said with sincerity. "But bean juice is nice, I get why you miss it."

Remy nodded, trying not to laugh and answer with some semblance of seriousness. 

"Ah, yeah. Thanks, Remus, it means a lot."

The kid simply nodded and went back to eating, having efficiently consoled the teenager. Remy went straight back to his breakfast, resisting the urge to shovel it in like a feral animal - or like Remus was currently doing. He may have technically been abducted but the food had been consistently winning him over. 

"Remus, would you and Virgil like to come on a walk with me? I need to see if there's any little critters that need my help, but I'm also sure we'll find something fun to do!" Patton asked, smiling as the boys in question bounced a little. 

"That sounds wonderfully fun," Janus agreed, sharing a look with Patton. "I need to tend to the plant nursery this morning, if you'd like to join me, Remy. I'm sure there's plenty for us to talk about while I work."

Remy swallowed thickly, but nodded. 

"Eh, sure, I could squeeze that into my very busy schedule." 

"Thank you." 

. 

"Watch your step, the saplings can be rather cheeky." 

"Cheeky?" Remy echoed, eyeing the potted plants with suspicion. Janus chuckled at him, patting the side of a large, bonsai-esque tree with a strange affection. 

"Cheeky." Janus confirmed without elaboration, though he was smiling. 

Remy just nodded, following Janus up to a modest - yet still tasteful - seating area, next to a large panel of window. The view was immense, and gorgeous, something from a low-fantasy skyline. They were elevated, able to see the top of the trees in all their glory. Leaves were various shades of purple, blue, red, yellow, pink - sometimes all on one tree, others in bundles across the forest. A magical aura misted over the landscape, and though Remy couldn't describe how, he knew it was something powerful. 

"It's a wonderful view, isn't it? I often come here and simply ponder how undeniably lucky I am to view it." 

"Yeah, I -" Remy trailed off before making a vaguely confused noise. "Where are we? Is this some alternative timeline type deal -" 

"The forest isn't a place, its a person. The whole territory has sentience, it only let's in who it wants to. As much as I believe Remus' word, the true test was passing the barrier. If you were a bad person, the forest would've physically rejected you. You passed through with as much ease as my family does; you are a good soul."

"Uh, thank you? But well, as lovely as it, how do I go… back?" 

Janus sighed, running a hand through his hair, looking rather uncomfortable. "Must you? I, we have everything you need right here."

"Don't have coffee," Remy backfired, as though that was a genuine reason. 

"I can grow you your own coffee beans, dear!" Janus argued, and Remy felt a little bad about how earnest he looked. 

"We both know that's not what I mean, I'm, I'm human I can't stay here."

Janus tried to not pout, tapping his fingers, anxious despite having prepared for this likely outcome. Of course Remy had doubts staying here, it's only  natural he'd want to return home. 

"You won't be able to return home, not for a while. The forest uses magic to create exits, and to manifest the glamour that allows Patton and I to appear as human - it is drained, weakened, and we can not continue to draw from it. Without it's magic, anyone will be able to walk in."

The human stared, long and hard, with an unexpectedly mature look. Janus shyed slightly, wondering if this was what he looked like, on the few occasions he'd had to be firm with his boys. Despite the fact he'd been truthful, an inexplicable fear that he'd be caught in a lie overcame him for a brief, overpowering moment, until Remy sighed and glanced away. 

"Worse places to be trapped, I guess." He relented, after a moment's thought. 

Janus tutted, using the side of his tail to run comforting against the boy's side. "Please, I don't want you to think of this place as a prison. I think - or, hope, at least - that you'll feel comfortable here."

"How long am I going to be here?" 

"However long it takes to replenish the supply of magic takes, dear."

"Yeah but, if you had to guess? Twenty minutes, four years?" 

"Two or three weeks should be enough for one trip." Janus conceded, watching the teen digest that Information before groaning. 

"I got like, loads of stuff to get done. I don't think tutors except 'had to wait for the magical supply to fill up' as grounds for an extension."

"I'm sorry." 

Remy stiffened before nodding, and dropping the subject. Instead he stared out the window. 

"So, does it look like a normal forest on the outside?" 

"Well, the main entrance is within a standard woodland, but the paths, plant life, and animals - anything within the forest's domain, is shielded. Unable to be seen, unless it is someone who knows about its existence, or the forest decides to let in." 

"Let in?" 

"Yes, well, the forest is sentient. On very rare occasion, it will open itself to a visitor. Very rare to happen, last time it did, the forest allowed in a small kitten that Patton adopted instantly."

"Seems like a cat guy, is it still wandering around somewhere?" 

"No," Janus said, rather sadly. "Had twenty-six years of being spoilt rotten, though."

Remy nodded, relating to the universal sadness at a lost pet. Rest In Peace, Frappichino, she was the best hamster. 

"So have you had humans wandering in? Heh, is it awkward?" 

"I've never seen a human be granted access by the forest - I highly doubt it would happen. It takes a special kind of being to be welcomed in so openly."

Remy blinked, taking it all in. Honestly, if he'd agreed to come to this place, he'd be in awe if everything. He is in awe, though just pining back to giddiness to keep a level head. His inner nerd wanted to study everything in here, find out how it worked. 

"I guess I am pretty special," Remy leant back in his chair, manifesting his middleschool self at the misbehaviour. "I guess I'll just have to - ah fuck!"

Something yanked Remy backwards, sending him falling out his chair, pretty embarrassing to say the least. Especially with how Janus was rushing forward, likely to hover over him uncomfortably - 

"Naughty! Naughty sapling, we don't hurt friends."

Janus had all hands on his hips, frowning at he scolded a… plant? That seemed to be responsive, wilting away in shame. 

"Are you okay, dear? Can I look at your head?”

“I’m fine I just fell on my hands…” Remy assured, though he tilted his head for inspection.

”Mmhm. Well, I’m still sorry about them cheeky little things. I think they may be hungry, if you’d like to come feed them with me?”

”Uh, yeah, sure” Remy agreed easily, both of them turning to walk back through the nursery.

Missing the small burst of red in the distance.

Chapter Text

"Thank you for doing this, Dot, I greatly appreciate it." 

"Oh, no worries! You needed to get the little tyke out the way, I don't blame you," Dot lowered her voice, as if someone was eavesdropping. "Them police guys were kinda creepy." 

"Yes, well, from my encounters with the police assigned to the case, they seem to be operating under a very abstract interpretation of the law, and have already collected Roman from school without my permission. It may be overzealous, but I believe it mostly logical to temporarily move Roman to safety."

"You're doing great, you know?" Dot hummed quietly, giving Logan that look, like she knew exactly how he was feeling. Probably did. "You'll find Remy, and, and even if you had the crapiest attorney ever - which you don't! - but there's no way Marcellus' silly story could stand to any amount of legal scrutiny." 

"I - yes, that's… certainly true. Thank you. A part of me wishes to laugh at the ridiculousness of the allegations but I am still wholly daunted by it all." 

"Well yeah, your kid has gone missing!" She laughed softly, causing Logan to flush slightly before turning to his son. 

"Roman! I have to go now, are you going to be alright here, for a while?" 

The kid gasped, jumping off the half-wall he was standing on to tackle Logan's legs in a hug. "Bye-bye daddy! I see you later?" 

Logan crouched down to pull Roman into a proper hug, squeezing him tightly for a moment. "Yes. I will be back by dinner time. We can eat out at a restaurant if you'd like."

As a parent, it was important to take advantage of the incredible incentive known as 'eating overpriced pizza in an room full of other, sugar filled children' for optimal good behaviour. Hopefully it'll stop Roman from terrorising Dot and Larry too much. 

"Ohhh, can we go to the one with the play area?" 

Ah, yes, the play area. It was rather large, with large coloured tubes for children to climb through spanning across the ceiling, often clogged with kids trying to get their parent's attention to wave at them. Once, Roman had waved cheerfully at him, and Logan had of course reciprocated, though the poor thing looked down and seemed to grasp how high up he was, suddenly lost all confidence and froze entirely, crying and demanding his daddy's presence. Cue an awkward sight as Logan was forced to manoeuvre his oversized body through tunnels designed for children to retrieve the upset toddler. At least the staff gifted the two with free sundaes, clearly sympathetic. 

"Sure. But you aren't allowed in the tunnels again." 

"But daddy! I'm not a baby anymore!" 

"Roman, lunch will be ready in about ten minutes! What do you want on your burger?" 

Roman turned, looking at Larry from where he tended to the grill. It was a sunny day, so they'd decided a barbecue would be nice. Daddy was missing out, it smelt really nice, and Dot had let him help with the vegetable skewers! 

"A bit of ketchup and all the leaves!" 

"All the leaves, huh? You want tomato, too?" 

Roman wrinkled his nose and firmly shook his head, "I already got tomato in the sauce, if I have more tomatoes then that's too much tomato." 

Larry's face went all funny for a moment before he huffed, smiled, and shrugged. "You got me. You really inherented Logan's logic, huh?" 

He wasn't too sure what 'inherented' meant, but Roman did know he was being compared to his daddy, so he nodded and puffed his chest out happily. 

As he wandered around the side of the house, free to roam the rather large back yard, Roman began to search for the ball Dot had bought him, specially for when he's staying over. It's big and red, with glitter inside that he can shake like a snow globe - he'd left it under the bench swing last time, but it wasn't there. Eventually, he spotted it, a little way away, sitting in one of the trees that borders the house. 

Hmm. He knew he should probably ask a grown-up to help him get it, but it was right there! Plus, Dot and Larry were busy, they'd probably tell him to wait until after lunch, when he can get it right now. With that impeccable logic, Roman began his mission to rescue his bouncy ball. The thick shrubbery was carefully stepped through, and thankfully there didn't seem to be any thorns hidden in the leaves ( there had been thorns. The Forest's magic compelled the plant, assured it that the boy would not bring any harm, and convinced it to retract its sharp edges. The Forest had been correct, Roman was gentle, only accidentally tugging a vine before correcting his footing, never destroying it. The Forest thanked the plant, and allowed its thorns to regrow now the boy was safe .) 

Roman trotted along happily, glancing around at the trees. He liked the woods anyway, but these trees seemed even prettier . The sun was warmer, the air a little clearer. 

"I should ask for a walk through here later, it's so nice!" Roman chatted out loud, patting his tummy absently as he remembered Dot's yummy pear tree. "I wonder if there's any fruit trees in here?" 

( The Forest sent a jolt of power to a weary, old apple tree. It hadn't produced in many years, and would likely be fell by Janus in his quarterly maintenance. Gorgeously ripe pears burst from the flowers, pulling the weak branches with the weight, but The Forest did not allow the fruit to fall. It would not do for the child to eat fruit off the floor.)

The rustle of leaves managed to catch Roman’s attention, glancing around before beaming, “Oh! A pear tree!” before swiftly skipping after it, further into the foliage and away from the house. 

( The boy stretched his small body up in an attempt to reach the fruit. The Forest cooed, lowering the branch until tiny hands could cup the fruit.) 

Roman bit into the pear without a second thought, humming at the perfect taste, juice dripping out down his chin. He absently wiped it into the hem of his shirt, as most children would. 

"Yummy!" He held the pear core, puffing his cheeks out as he pondered "Where should I put this?" 

He gently placed the core off the path, at the bottom of a tree, nodding to himself. "I'll leave it here, for now. Daddy says that you can put vegetables and fruits outside because the little bugs in the soil like to eat it and make compost! If the bugs don't want it, I'll pick it up on my way back and find a bin." 

( The Forest crooned lovingly at the boy's empathy, sending out a wave of Love, Love, Love, through the magical channel. When Janus received this message, he'd rolled his eyes fondly. The Forest often reacted as such when his boys were being especially sweet; he'd ask Patton what Remus and Virgil had been doing when he returned - for now, he returned to his casserole, smiling at Remy as the boy helped prepare the meal. 

Patton reacted to the burst of love with a bright smile, chucking Remus up higher into the air - surely the burst meant that Janus had managed to warm Remy up, hopefully he'd be less jumpy around them and a little more seseptable to persuasion about staying here. Patton had already began trying to grow coffee beans, just in case.) 

In the distance, the red ball sat, cradled by the curve of a sturdy oak tree. It was further away than before, despite how far Roman had walked towards it. Still, he followed it, breaking into a run, giddy from his sweet treat. ( The Forest tugged a large root out of the boy's way, preventing him from tripping and being hurt in its territory. That wouldn't do, no no.) 

As Roman walked, he passed through the threshold of The Forest's territory, feeling a strange tug within him due to the shift of pressure and presence of magic. Not that Roman knew this, pausing with a frown as he tried to pinpoint the strange feeling. After a moment, he let out a little hiccup, before shrugging and continuing towards the ball. As tiny hands reached up to claim the ball, a loud voice declared from the other side of the tree, 

"Wow! Neat! A free ball!" before it was promptly snatched away from Roman's grasp. Oh dear. 

Daddy had prepared him for such a situation, because sometimes you don't realise that someone else is playing with a toy, so it's okay to just ask for it back. 

"Uh, escuse me? That's my ball, my friend Dot gave it me." He peeked around the tree, meeting face to face with a strange bundle of octopus arms and bright green eyes staring at him. "We can play together, if you want."

The bundle of limbs blinked at him for a moment, before it's form began to change right in front of his eyes. Soon, a copy of Roman stared back at him, like a twin, but his skin and hair and everything was green. Roman beamed, that was so cool! His twin copied the smile, throwing the ball up and catching it. 

"Can you play catch?" Green-Roman asks, tilting his head a little too much. Roman nodded, wiggling his fingers. 

"Uh-huh, I'm the bestest! I'm Roman, by the way!" 

"I'm Remus," The twin, Remus, responded, dragging out the 'Re'. Roman giggled. 

"We're like twins, and our names are similar."

"Huh, you're right." Remus shrugged, and threw the ball towards Roman, who caught it rather easily. "Maybe we are twins. Where did you come from?" 

"I came from over there!" Roman pointed behind himself, on the path he'd entered, before tossing the ball back to Remus. 

"Oh. I came from over there," Remus pointed in a vague left direction. "I'm playing out with my brother and uncle Patton."

Roman caught the ball that was tossed his way, "Is your brother green, too?" 

"No, he looks kinda brown or black, but when it's sunny or he's sleeping under Papa's lamp, he shines purple. Like that funny paper."

Huh. Roman hadn't met someone who is three different colours. 

"My uncle Patton is green, and he likes to ribbit, like a frog. But bigger." 

"I watched a movie, and the king was called Harold and he looked like a person but he was really a frog. Can your uncle Patton turn into a person?" 

"He can! He does it sometimes to go to the human towns, and he went to pick us up from the weird room."

Roman blinked, and nodded, tapping his fingers on the ball. "Maybe your uncle is a king, too?" 

Remus gasped, catching the ball once again, and laughing. "Maybe! We'll have to ask Patton!" 

"What are you asking me, kiddo?" A cheerful voice rang out, bushes to the left shifting around as something large ushered its way through. 

It was, presumably, uncle Patton, only because Roman didn't think there was anyone else that looked like a frog but bigger. He was wearing big circle glasses on his face, stopping dead to stare at Roman. 

"Oh. Hello, dear, how'd you get here?" 

Roman shrugged, feeling a little shy, and pointed behind himself once again, "Uh, that way. I wanted my ball." 

"Wow, that's a very nice ball, I can see why you'd want it back. What's your name then, kiddo? I'm Patton," a big hand was held up, green and with webbing between the fingers. Roman gently clasped hands with him, hand swallowed up entirely in a surprisingly-unslimey-handshake. 

"My name is Roman, are you a king?" 

Patton blinked, before laughing softly, "No, I'm not. I look after this forest with my brother, but we don't rule it." 

Huh. "Who's your brother? Is he a frog?" 

"Hmm, no, he isn't, but me, Remus, and Virgil, we're all family and we don't look the same, hmm?" 

"Who's Virgil?" 

Patton looked at the floor, as though something was there, eyes widening when he only saw grass. "Remus? Where's your brother?" 

"I dunno, I was playing catch."

A little trill sound played out, as a large spider-thing dropped from the tree, dangling on a thred of web coming out it's underbelly. Huh. Patton sighed, and reached out to grab the spider. 

"Okay, this is Virgil. He's Remus' baby brother." 

"Oh, hello! It's nice to meet you, Virgil! I'm Roman." 

The spider made a strange whistle noise, the two, shorter front legs that sat near his head flicked up, waving around fluidly. Roman blinked, confused, before Patton smiled. 

"Virgil isn't quite at the talking phase yet, but he's saying hello to you!" 

"Oh. OH! Hello, hello!" Roman grinned, waving his own arms in the air. Virgil trilled and kicked his fuzzy little feet, making Patton laugh and move to cradle him, like a baby. 

"Alright, alright. I think we should head back home. Roman, would you like to come with us, or can I walk you home?" 

"I don't…" Roman glanced behind himself, frowning. The path was gone, now covered in bushes. "I don't know where home is from here. I think daddy would want me back though." 

"Oh dear. The Forest can be a bit fiddly like that. Why don't we go back to the house and speak to my brother, then we can try and find your daddy, okay?" 

"Okay." Roman relented, trailing Patton as the man began walking down a previously unseen, stone path. Huh. Remus bumped his shoulder, humming happily. 

"Here. You can have your ball."

He thanked Remus, squeezing the ball gently. It still had the artificial strawberry scent, albeit a lot more faded over time. It was very nice. 

The group walked for a few pleasant moments, the self assigned twins chatting amongst themselves, while Patton chimed in and Virgil gave well-timed chitters. It was nice, and comfortable, and eventually they reached a rather large yet nice looking house. It reminded Roman of a castle, but not as tall. 

"Alright, kiddos, how about I make some smoothies while you show Roman around, hmm? Maybe since you played with one of his toys you can show Roman one of yours?" 

Remus gave a cheeky grin, nodding with a little bounce. Roman laughed softly, looking around as they entered the house. It was just as nice on the inside, a contrast of fancy decorations and clusters of toys, or framed drawings. Felt nice. 

"We'll speak to Jan- uh, papa, first, so he knows we've got a guest, okay?" 

At some point, Virgil wiggled out of Patton's arms to scuttle ahead, and Roman could hear a faint, smooth voice coo, "Hello, little one, did you have fun playing outside? Did you? Oh you sweet little thing, you're all tuckered out."

They entered a kitchen area, and Roman spent a good minuet sniffing the air. Whatever was stewing, it smelt very nice, and Roman's tummy rumbled. His burger was probably waiting for him. 

"Is that your tummy, Remus?" The same voice asked, and Roman set his sights on the snake-person gliding through the kitchen. They had six arms! And a big snake tail, that made them super tall! 

The snake looked at him, stopping, tilting their head. Roman felt rather shy, glancing down at the pretty tiles. 

"Oh? Who's this sweet like boy?" The snake asked, lowering themselves slightly and approaching. Roman glanced up, smiling slightly at the stranger and pointing to himself. 

"I'm -" 

"Roman? " A very, very familiar voice called out, sounding very shocked. 

Sure enough, in the entrance to the kitchen's pantry, stood the very teen that daddy had been so nervous about finding. Roman smiled. 

"Remy! Hello !" 

Chapter Text

“Remy, you’re here! Daddy has been looking for you, he’s gonna be so happy that you’re alright. Have you been playing catch as well?”

The teen blinked rather slowly, nearly impossible to see behind his glasses, but the tone was delivered all the same. He numbly dropped a hand into Roman’s hair, breathing out a shocked laugh.

“Heh, uh, no, kid I’ve just been in this house. How did you… get here?”

Janus and Patton straightened up slightly at the unusually firm look Remy was giving, a silent question of ‘did you go and kidnap this kid from the human town?’ to which they were both shaking their heads earnestly.

“I went to see Dot and Larry so daddy could go looking for you but then I saw my favourtest red ball a little bit into the trees and I didn’t want to wait for Dot or Larry to get it for me and it was only a little way so I…I walked in on my own and it kept getting further away from me and I couldn't see Larry in the garden anymore, but it’s okay, cause I saw Remus and he looks like me but green.” 

“Uh, yeah, that’ll do it.” Was all Remy could think to say, shrugging slightly before crouching to Roman’s level for a proper hug. The forest was, allegedly, a sentient thing? Which sounded strange coming from the oversized danger noodle, but he supposed with Roman backing the claim up it was more likely to be true. It didn’t explain why it yoinked Roman - a sentient forest that steals little kids sounds like something out of a fairytale but this place apparently rarely lets outsiders in. Why Roman, did it know Remy knew the kid? Was it seeking vengeance on the humans by stealing a child in retaliation? He voiced this to Janus and Patton who both glanced at each other before shrugging.

Janus chose to speak, slithering a little closer and smiling slightly. “Unfortunately, The Forest largely does what it wants when it wants and does not ask permission for any of it. I’m uncertain why it thought this was a good idea…” He trailed off, staring into space with a scolding look. Some invisible force nudged the man’s shoulder, which jostled a smile out of him. “It seems it isn’t planning to share it’s wisdom anytime soon so we can only guess.”

"Well, don't you kiddos know each other? Maybe that's it. Are you brothers? Cousins?" 

Remy shook his head, keeping a hold on Roman's shoulder as he stood.

"No, I, I'm an intern? At that lab that your kids were at. I worked with Roman's dad so like, I know him." 

“And Remy slept at our house once! Daddy brought him over to complete some notes n’ stuff but Remy just curled up on the couch asleep so we left him. It was so much fun cause I didn't have daycare in the morning so we could play.”

While Remy's expression didn't change, a warm blush did creep onto his cheek as he gave a firm nod. “Yeah, we know each other. Evidently.”

Patton held his hands close to his chest, throat puffing as he prepared to ‘aww’ rather loudly before his brother gave a side eye that clearly advised against it. 

“Uh, well, you two clearly have some catching up to do. I'm sure Janny can finish the casserole by himself? Lovely! I'm sure Remus would love some playmates. Especially since his brother is ready for a lil nap.” 

“Just a moment,” Janus interrupted, wiping his many hands on his apron. “I need to know if I need to make different foods for Roman here. Roman? Is there any food that could make you sick, or poorly?” 

“Um, I don't think so.” 

“Hey, you didn't ask me if I was allergic to anything!” Remy cut in, still keeping a hold of Roman. 

“Yes, well, Remus was kind enough to regurgitate the allergen bracelet he very rudely stole from you. Apologies for that, by the way, I've been trying to teach him that just because he technically can eat something doesn't mean he should.”

“Literally do not know what to say to that, babes. C'mon, Ro, may as well play for a bit.” 

With a pat on the shoulder to prompt, the two shuffled off upstairs, climbing one of the staircases and meandering vaguely to where Remus’ room was. 

“Oh, I promised the kiddos some smoothies.” Patton mused, shuffling past Janus to the pantry. 

“What do you suppose we do, Pat? I mean, we can more than accommodate another child in the house but…”

“Where there's a child there's a parent, and they don't normally enjoy being split up, huh?”

“Well, yes, that's one way of putting it. I'm not sure what the forest is plotting, it doesn't just let people in on a whim. I could understand Remy being allowed passage, he tried to protect the children and was injured because of it. There doesn't seem to be a reason this time.”

“Maybe Roman's daddy isn't as kind as we'd think? That's usually the case when a child stumbles in here.”

“Perhaps, but the boys insisted he was kind. Why be cruel to your son, but be kind to a test subject that would logically not have repercussions for hurting?”

“I guess…” Patton trailed off for a moment. “Well, maybe they're trying to bring him here! After all, I think he does kinda owe you an apology for snatching your kiddos like that.”

Janus snorted, “Yeah, just what I want. A bumbling human that's already pissed me off, lurking round my house. Maybe I'll send Roman back out with a P.O. Box address, his daddy can send a grovelling letter to apologise and I don't have to meet him? It sounds like the best solution for me.”

“Jan we don't even have a P.O. Box, stop being silly.” Patton chuckled slightly, placing all the smoothies on a single tray. “Anyway, I think we should hear him out! The boys really sung his praises. Well, Remus did. Right down my ear…” 

“Ugh, you can talk to the human then, I want naught to do with him.”

“Hmm. I will! I'll give him your smoothie if you don't stop being such a sourpuss.”

Janus, guardian of the forest and Mature Older Sibling, firmly stuck his forked tongue out. 

As it turns out, being (technically) abducted and being made to stay with a group of mythical-adjacent people, was rather boring. At first, Remy was half convinced that the giant snake guy and sentient frog was the result of the gnarly head injury, that once the throbbing had subsided so would the hallucination, and Remy would be back in the real world, probably with some concerned nurse making notes about his delusion. After he realised they were, in fact, actually real and in a magical forest, there was a period of what-the-fuck-ness where he probably should have been scared but the two were so pleasant it was just pure bafflement. 

And then, after hesitantly relaxing into the overbearing domesticity, Roman popped up. Remy couldn't get the uncomfortable thought out of his head that that was somehow retribution, a slight to Logan for stealing their babies first. Was the kid gonna be a hostage? Had they ripped the kid from Logan's hands, all traumatic and shit? No, it turns out, Roman had just wandered off and the slightly-eldritch forest decided to just… Bring Roman here? Did the forest know who Roman was related to, or did it just let any ol kid that lost a ball wander in? It's like, the exact opposite to ‘Monster House.’

Suffice to say, this left Remy with no option but to silently sweat as two toddlers played a very chaotic game with no defined rules. It involved Remy being a princess mermaid, unable to leave the beanbag that acted as a rock. Roman won a game of jenga, hopping around excitedly. 

“I'm winning, Remy! I'm gonna come save you.”

“Nu-uh, I'm gonna win, then I'll throw the princess mermaid to the sharks!” 

So they're doing mini games? Is it like Mario Party or something? Who knows, kids are weird. 

“If I'm a mermaid princess,” Remy drawled. 

“Which you are.” 

“Totally, babes. So I'm a mermaid princess, which means I live in the ocean anyway. I live near the sharks, they're my friends. They wouldn't eat me - if they did, the mermaid queen would beat them up.”

“The mermaid queen would definitely win that fight.” Remus said with a curt nod, glancing over to Roman to help fix this glaring pothole. Roman had a firm pout, glancing between Remy and the crochet sharks positioned menacingly around the rock. 

“Well… You're not an ocean mermaid, you're a little river mermaid. The sharks aren't your friend cause sharks don't live in the river so you haven't had time to get to know them.”

“Well I'll get to know them now. Hello, Sharkies! I'm Remy, if you don't eat me, I'll let you vacation in my river!” 

“Quick, Remus, we should work together to throw Remy to the sharks before he befriends them.”

“Hey, what gives? I thought you wanted to save me!”

“This is more fun now.” Roman shrugged, simply. 

“Well, boo to you, I'm gonna get my new shark friends to bite your butt!” 

“They don't understand you, they're Spanish sharks.” 

“¿Hablan español? ¿Por qué no lo dijiste?” 

Roman's face screwed up in confusion at the language change before scowling. “How do you know Spanish? Ms.Tanner says we only learn that in fifth grade!”

Remy barked a laugh, “I'm older than fifth grade, babes, and Spanish is literally my first language. I'm gonna cause a shark uprising!” 

“Ahhh! No! Quick, Remus, we gotta win!” 

Despite previously working against each other, the game switched once more as the two sprinted off to the whole-ass jungle gym Remus apparently had in his bedroom.

Given how rambunctious the octopus was in the lab, it was probably justified. Even if it wasn't, Janus and Patton have total spoiling vibes. 

“Knock, knock,” a gentle voice called out, Patton's head poking into the room. 

The frog shuffled in with a large tray, balancing four smoothies carefully. 

“C'mon, kiddos, I got your smoothies here. Sit down with me and Remy to enjoy them!” 

“Uncle Patton! We gotta win, Remy's gonna befriend the sharks and make them gobble us up!”

“Oh dear, you shouldn't trust sharks, Remy. They'll sell all your sea-crets.”

“Did you say sea as in ‘ocean’ just then?” 

“De-fin-itely!” Patton said with a smile, holding out a larger glass to Remy. 

With a long suffering sigh, Remy took the offered drink, using the silly straw to swirl the concoction around, assessing. It was a deep orange, smelt of mango, with seeds (strawberry? There was a lot of bushes outside) - when he took a sip, there was a hint of peach. 

“Mango, Peach, and strawberry?”

“Papaya as well, but good try, kiddo!” 

“Thank you, uncle Patton!” Remus beamed, jaw hanging wide enough to consume the whole cup, sticking his arm into his own mouth up to his elbow, pulling the limb back out covered in some viscous green. Remy noted that the kid had been given a paper cup, likely in preparation for this consumption method. “You make the bestest smoothies ever!” 

“Aww, thank you kiddo! Oh, Roman, why don't you climb down here before I hand you your drink, huh?” 

“Okay, thank you mister Patton.” Roman worked his way down the frame, accepting Patton's helping hand to step down the bars. 

“Oh, please, Mr.Patton is my father!”

“Your papa is also called Patton?” Remus asked with mild surprise, patting the pillow next to him for Roman to sit next to. 

“Um, well not exactly, that joke is meant to be if they use your surname, but I don't exactly have one.” 

“Do I have a surname, Remy?” Roman whispered between sips. 

“Yeah, babes, it's Sanders. The second name you write on your work sheets.” 

“Hmm, okay. Thank you.”

“So, are you having fun here, Roman?” Patton cut in, taking a seat criss cross on the carpet, joining the little impromptu circle. 

“Yeah! I'd love to come over again, I'll ask my daddy if you can come to our house as well, I have a big toy horse and a castle.”

“I'm sure your castle is very fun, kiddo, but I was wondering if we could talk about your daddy, real quick.” 

Remy took a sip of his smoothie to hide a grimace, unsure of what was going to come out of the frog's mouth. Roman was, naturally, unbothered and completely ready to talk about his dad. 

Oh boy. 

Chapter Text

“Do not speak,”

Dot and Larry were close friends of Logan’s. Had been ever since he moved next to the dog park they frequented. Logan had been an antisocial hermit, with a tiny baby strapped to his chest and absolutely no idea how to be a father. While the neighborhood gossiped about where the mother was –

I heard she died. (she didn’t)

I heard she ran away with another man. (definitely not)

I heard he killed her and fled with the little one. (disgusting)

Dot and Larry had ignored all that. Showed up at his front door with lemon squares, claiming they were apologizing for their dogs messing up his front garden by running on it (no damage that he could see). They side-stepped toys, ignored discarded milk bottles. Larry started folding clothes without a word as Dot began to chat. And chat. And chat, until Logan almost felt like a person again.

Logan had recommended Dot as the receptionist, after the library she worked at decided to be entirely automated and terminated her position. She was very, very grateful for the job and Logan benefitted by enjoying the first face he saw at work every day.

All this to say. Logan enjoys the company of Dot and Larry. Truly, they were family.

But right now? Right now, he wanted to… do something. He hadn’t figured it out, but it likely wouldn’t be legal.

“I do not care about your apologies. You lost my son.”

“Logan, please – “Dot says with a sniffle, but Logan holds a hand up to silence her.

“Did you call the police?”

“No, I thought- “

“Good. You have some sense. For all we know, this was the police. Point to me where he was last seen.”

Larry leads the charge, towards a tucked away segment down their long, narrow yard. There was a large bush, but beyond that there was little more than grass and a fence.

“He was standing round here. Dog was sunbathing over there. I was grillin’ burgers.” The man explains, looking rather sheepish.

Logan simply nods. Steps over the bush. Walks until he meets the fence. It’s tall, secure, just high enough to reach his nose. “There’s no way a small ball is getting over this fence. He’s barely 95cm. There’s no breaking in the fence?”

“Not that we know of. We have the grandkids over a lot, they’re rowdy, I’m sure they’d have found any breaks – plus our gardener lets us know of that stuff.”

“Yet a toddler went missing.”

“Logan.” Larry says. It’s almost scolding, but there’s real concern.

His chest tightens. He grabs the top of the fence and hauls himself up with much more effort than he remembers from his younger years.

“Where are you going?” Larry balks.

“To search for my son. You will stay here, in case he returns, but something took him out of the garden. Not only would he know not to leave, I do not believe he physically could. Even at the gate, he can’t reach the latch. Thus, he was either coerced or abducted.”

With that, he promptly dropped to the other side of the fence to end the conversation, landing stably though with more pain in the knees than he’d care to admit. He barely paid attention to what Larry said after, turning and beginning a determined stride.

This was not going according to plan.

The two lived in the suburbs. There’s, there’s meant to be a row of bungalows back here. How has he been walking for nearly thirty minutes? It defied logic.

(The Forest cares not for his logic. It wishes to see his heart.)

The ground below him was unusually damp. Bordering on muddy. He had to watch his step, but still, he soldiered on.

(Inconvenience. Will he be angered?)

Logan’s shoe catches a rock. Trips him. He reaches out for balance. The tree he catches has bark rough enough to scrape his hand. “Mind yourself, Sanders,” He grumbles out loud. Takes a deep breath. “You’ll be no use to Roman if you trip and dash your head.”

(A calm soul!)

(The Boy’s father!)

The ground below him was true mud now. He had to walk faster, to keep from sinking straight into the ground. It was … unpleasant.

His left shoe was abruptly snatched by the mud, plucked right off his foot. He gapes, standing one-legged like a flamingo as he stares at the spot he’d been standing. The shoe was…gone. For all intent and purpose, it had been… swallowed.

“I have a secondary pair of shoes for work, which will do until I can buy some more.” He reasons out loud. Barely bothers when the mud claims his other shoe. Roman was all that mattered.

Janus busied himself with cleaning up as the food finished cooking. There wasn’t anything else left to do but wait, so the dishes it was. He stares out the windows as his arms move in sync, idly watching deer grazing on dandelion by the river. Then he feels it. Feels that pop deep in his chest. Feels The Forest chittering, getting excited.

(He’s sweet! He just wants his baby!)

Oh, good heavens. The Forest really had dragged the human responsible for all this right to Janus’ front door.

“Honestly,” He scolds thin air, “What’s the point of living secluded in a magical realm if you keep dragging humans in here?” He questions. Scoffs then some unseen force nudges his shoulder. “Patton can receive him. I might carve him up if I have to look at him.”

The cabinet door swings open, bumping his head. Janus hisses.

“Oopsies! What are you two arguing about?” Patton calls out, wandering into the kitchen with a tray of empty cups and a tight smile, pushing the offending cabinet shut and patting it gently. “You’re upset that Roman’s dad has been allowed in, because it shows that the man isn’t the faceless villain you can blame for stealing your children, but a kind soul that made a mistake?”

“How perfectly perceptive Patton.”

Patton laughs, croaking and carefree. “You’re just mad that your little brother knew better than you!”

Janus hisses once more. Narrows his eyes.  “There’s still time for the man to drown in mud planes. Or get consumed by a carnivorous plant. The Forest could be feeling particularly vengeful after my children were stolen.”

His brother simply sighs and shakes his head, beginning to gather dishes for their meal. “We both know you’d be the first to pull him out of that mud. You’re the guardian of all in this Land. This man is in this land. We have his children.”

“Child. Remy isn’t his.” Janus argues half-heartedly.

“Children.”

“Whatever. If you can’t kill him, at least send him here sodden and miserable!” He shouts to the air, grumbling as his hat was knocked askew. Damn Forest.

Logan was beginning to believe he’d wandered into some sort of fae circle. His watch told him he’d walked for exactly 52.8 kilometers, but the time had frozen at 13:23, the time he’d hopped the fence. The sun had not moved an inch, either.

It was peculiar, to say the least. Same as the indescribable tug he felt in his chest. Whenever he came to a crossroads, he was drawn to a particular path.

“Once my son is secured, I would take great interest in studying this place. With Remy by my side. And no doubt on my back - I doubt he’d be willing to get so muddy.” He muses out loud. It wasn’t typical for him to talk to himself, but despite the lack of company he had the strange feeling that he wasn’t talking just to himself at all.

The clearing was as beautiful as it was infuriating – infuriating because there was no Roman standing there, safe and sound and happy to see him – with wildflowers and grazing deer right next to a wide river. He…he needed to get over that river. It wasn’t just the strange tugging that told him that, he could see the beginning of a path just beyond. A path, a person, a possible help towards finding his baby boy.

He approaches the river, slow and cautious as his audience of disinterested Cervidae watch on. There’s stepping stones, smooth and flat and well placed enough to feel deliberate. Human life, once again. With little planning, he took the first step, then the next. It was rather easy, he thought, surely whoever lives here must do this daily.  Logan steps for the next stone, where he was sure the next step was, but his feet are met with nothing but water. He barely has time for a wide-mouth, silent gasp before he’s tumbling sideways right into the stream. He flaps his arms, choking on remarkably clean water before his feet find perch on the river floor. Thank Newton it was not as deep as it was wide.

(The Forest strains with the effort of lifting the river floor so the man may not drown. It shan’t kill. Shan't even hurt, really.)

Logan catches his breath, pushing hair out his face as he treads carefully for the edge of the river. He glances back, and somehow the stone is there once more. It’s a slow and non-too-graceful affair to climb over the river bank, every inch of him soaked. He strips his blazer with a grumble, fanning it out on the grass in the slim hope it could dry in time for him to grab it on his way back. His mobile was a lost cause, though, he didn’t bother even trying to turn it on.

“I fear by the time I reach civilisation; I’m going to be half naked.” He remarks dryly, staring at his bare feet, socks discarded after he lost his shoes. There was little time to lament his lost clothes or freshen up. He picked himself back up as soon as he wasn’t wheezing, standing on two feet and beginning to march for the path.

The lightly dusted stone path winds into cobblestone as Logan treads up it, weaving around bushes and clusters of trees, the bushes beginning to be slowly more groomed and maintained – fairy lights strung up within them as he began to approach a –

“Wow.” Logan spoke out loud, staring at the building in front of him. It was huge, ornate. The door he stood at was clearly a side entrance but still had the care and detail. A high arch with painted tile. Solid wood door was nature carved into it, and a stained-glass window depicting an anatomical heart with yellows, blues, purple, and green all incorporated into a mismatched harmony.

He takes a deep breath, reaches up to the unreasonably placed knocker, and thuds in a pattern of three.

He can’t hear anyone. There’s no shout that they’re coming or shuffling of feet. Still, the door is pulled open, and Logan is face to face with something that is wholly inhuman.

Tall, broad shoulders, a face half covered in scales with a vibrantly yellow eye. And his lower half? A tall, powerful snake tail. Six arms, bracing on the doorway as he stares Logan out. Logan stares right back in absolute confusion.

Ah. He hadn’t expected this. Not at all. Despite the chill from his dunk in the river, Logan was flushing, and he tried to convince himself it was some bizarre fear response.

 “You are sodden,” The giant snake-man says in aristocratic drawl, “And…miserable.”

Logan blinks. That seemed like oddly specific descriptors. “I…I would be inclined to agree with that, yes.”

The snake inhales sharply. Mumbles something at the ceiling before slithering to the side.

“For goodness’ sake. Get in.”