Chapter Text
I don’t know what changed over summer break. All I know is that something feels different between Sirius and I ever since James and Sirius greeted me in our train compartment. The only other time I felt different about him was in our fifth year, but I don't feel anger or dissapointment now and nothing happpened between us. So it is not similar to that, luckily. I can't shake a sense of nervousness around him off though. I had the hope that it would only last the trian ride, but unfortunatly the feeling hasn't gone away yet. If only I could understand what I am feeling, that would be helpful. All I can do for now is trying to hang around Sirius less. That seems to temporarly lessen the nervousness. I miss Sirius though, so after a few weeks of rather succesfully avoidance of spending alone time with him I don't know how much longer I can keep it up.
On the third weekend of the schoolyear, I am studying in the library. The full moon is soon, so I am trying to get most of next weeks homework done while I am not feeling that much moonsickness yet. Lily comes and sits next to me. We greet each other and study together for a bit. 'So, Remus, is there anything that you need to tell me?' she asks after a while.
I look surprised at her. 'Not that I know,' I say.
'Then why is Potter wondering about how you spend less time with him and Black?'
So even James noticed, oops. 'I don't know what James is going on about,' I reply to Lily.
'I noticed it too though. Is everything okay?'
I sigh. Maybe talking about it does can help me, and I can't really ask any of the Marauders about this since it is about Sirius. 'I don't know,' I admit.
Lily looks at me. 'Is it anything they did?' she asks softly.
I shake my head. 'No, it's not. I just can't help but to feel.. nervous around Sirius. And I don't know why.'
'You don't know why?' Lily asks.
I shake my head again. 'I'm talking to him less so I can figure it out, but..'
'Don't get mad,' Lily starts. 'But could it be the case that you like Blac-Sirius?'
'Of course I do, he is one of my best friends!' I say immidiately.
'Not what I meant, Remus.'
'That's not what.. Wait, you think that I like-like him?'
'It does sounds like it, and you already know that you can like boys.'
'I do,' I confrim. 'But Sirius?'
Lily just pointedly looks at me. 'Oh Merlin..' I say after a short silence. 'You might be right.'
'Then maybe you should stop avoiding your friends now you know what your crisis was about?'
'I can't just tell this to them, they don't even know I'm not straight.'
'You don't have to tell them anything. Just hang out more with them again. Then I don't have to hear Potter going on about you again.'
'So that's what you two talk about during your duties,' I smile.
'Remus!' Lily exclaims.
'What?' I ask innocently.
Lily just shakes her head and continues with her work. At least it stops the talking about me and Sirius. It still feels strange to think about, but it does would explain some things.
I haven't followed Lily's advice yet and it's Monday. Maybe I should at least tell everyone that I want all of them there tomorrow, because I do value my friends by my side tomorrow, all three of them. I'm thinking about that while walking to our dorm after classes. I need some rest, so I rest on my bed doing nothing. Not much later than me, Sirius walks into our dorm as well. We look at each other. ‘So, what’s up Moony?’ he asks me.
Of course he has realized I have been acting different lately. I just wish he hadn’t. ‘Nothing,’ I deny.
Sirius clearly doesn't believe me. ‘Then why is this the first time since the start of our last year on Hogwarts that we speak one on one? I thought things were a bit better after-’
I am not letting him finish that thought, because it's nothing like that. ‘They are,’ I say.
‘Then why do you seem to act shy around me all of sudden and try to avoid me?’
‘It’s really nothing Padfoot. And I am not avoiding you.’
‘Uhuh.’
‘I mean it.'
'So you won't mind me joining you tomorrow night?'
'Of course not!' I say. 'It's really not like our fifth year.'
'So there does is something. '
'Padfoot..' I sigh.
'You know you can talk with any of us, right?' He asks consideratey.
'I know.' I say. 'I just. Don't want to lose any of you as friends.'
Sirius walks closer to me and sits next to me on my bed. 'We accepted you as werewolf and became animagus for you, do you really think we would stop being friends?'
'I.. Maybe.'
'Well, I for sure wouldn't.' Sirius says confidently on that.
'I'm bi,' I blurt out.
Smooth, Remus. I can't really read Sirius' reaction, great. 'Is that why you have been distancing yourself?' he asks.
Close enough, so I nod. 'Oh Moony,' he says. 'There is nothing wrong with that.'
'Isn't there?'
'Of course not. You can like whoever you like. I don't see woman's appeal, but you do you.'
'You're..?' I ask him surprised.
'You thought I was straight?' he asks like he is offended by it.
'I mean, you do have dated quite some girls in the past.'
'I had to accept my brilliant gayness first, Moony. But it's not about me. You really shouldn't be worried that Prongs, Wormtail or I would stop being friends over you also liking boys.'
'That's good,' I smile.
Sirius still looks worried at me. Then the door of the dorm opens again. This time it's James who enters the dorm. He looks at the both of us on my bed and starts to smile. 'Oh, so you you two are finally together then?' he asks.
'What?' Sirius and I both exclaim.
'You're both sitting on Moony's bed, after weeks of not talking.'
'So?' I ask.
'Moony just told me what was going on,' Sirius says to James.
He gives him a look. I look at the both of them. There is something that I miss here. 'Is everything alright?' James asks me.
I nod. 'I'm as fine as can be for a day like today,' I say.
'Good, it will be great to have our Moony back.' James smiles. 'We have missed you.'