Archive of Our Own

Clarke could feel her hands trembling as her Uber came to a halt in front of the old high school’s entrance. She could feel her heart pounding at just the thought of having to meet the people she went to school with, and Clarke found herself frozen in her spot, unable to so much as move to open the door.

“Door’s unlocked, ma’am.” The driver said from his seat, looking over his shoulder at her with a polite smile.

“Right,” Clarke nodded to herself, moving to open the door. There was a certain satisfaction in being referred to as ma’am, or well, as anything feminine. Okay, that actually gave her the little boost she needed to finally step out of the car.

She thanked the driver absentmindedly and made a mental note to leave a good tip when she went on her phone next. Clarke stepped away and watched as the car drove off. High school…wow, it’s been a minute. Clarke thought before looking down at herself and smoothing out the front of her dress. She hasn’t been here in ten years, she hasn’t been here as she; if you told her back then that Clarke Griffin would be stepping into high school as herself, as a woman, as the person she really was and not the man she had to pretend to be – that too wearing a dress – she wouldn’t have believed you. She couldn’t imagine it, couldn’t imagine what it would be like, especially after seeing what had happened to Lexa back in high school.

God, Lexa. Clarke missed her. She had basically fallen off the face of the Earth when she started to transition, lost touch with everyone, even her family, because she needed to do this, she needed to let herself do this, and Clarke couldn’t didn’t want people in her life who would hold her back. So that was when she had lost touch with Lexa, they weren’t talking much by that point anyways, not since graduating from high school, so it wasn’t difficult for them to just fall out of contact. But Clarke really wished they hadn’t, she cared about Lexa, a part of her loved her too, and well, she was hoping Lexa would be here tonight. Clarke hadn’t come to the last one, she wasn’t certain about it, wasn’t where she wanted to be with her transition and didn’t feel comfortable enough coming back to her peers at that point.

She was still scared, she was scared of how everyone was going to react, how people would look at her, whether they would even recognize her. It was a small town, the people were close minded, most didn’t leave after school and have been living here their whole lives. And well, that meant there wasn’t much room for them to have grown and changed. So that worried her, Clarke knew her friends from back then wouldn’t be very understanding – she was never close to anyone, most of the guys were just people she hung out with but that was just so she wouldn’t have to go through the four years alone. The only person she was close to was Lexa, Clarke still couldn’t completely be herself around her but she still felt…more comfortable with her. If there was one person who would still look at her like their friend after coming out, Clarke figured it would be Lexa.

Maybe she had a little crush – to put it lightly – on Lexa back then, she was sweet and thoughtful and…incredibly beautiful. But Clarke knew she didn’t have a chance with her, especially back then because she was a guy to Lexa, Lexa’s best friend wasn’t a girl, and Lexa was very much a lesbian. There were points in their friendship where Clarke had come close to telling her, to coming out to her but she always backed off, got too scared, and never went through with it. Oh well, she was going to have to tonight – if Lexa was here that is, she knew for a fact that she wasn’t at the last one. So Clarke took a deep breath and opened her clutch to check her phone, she was on time, a couple of minutes early as she always was – some things never changed – and made her way inside.

The hallways were familiar, even now, even after a whole decade had passed Clarke found herself smiling as she walked past the lockers. Not much had changed; the lockers were still the same colors, the doors to the classrooms still looked the same with the chipped paint and scratched up glass panes, and Clarke still remembered her way to the gym without so much as having to look at the signs put up for the returning students. She was never big on sports, the only time Clarke was in the gym back in school was only during PE, and even then she spent most of those classes sitting on the sidelines with Lexa – thank god we had PE together.

Walking into the gym, it was exactly what Clarke had expected it to be, the streamers and banners and even balloons. It looked no different to their senior prom really, the chairs were in the same place, the tables were in the same place, the snacks and drinks looked to be the exact same in addition to a couple of more grown up beverages, the band in the exact same spot. It made her smile, almost laugh as she made her way to the table by the entrance to register. Fortunately, the people manning that were current student volunteers, taking her name and ticking it off the guest list before handing her her name tag and drink tickets – they didn’t want people getting drunk after all.

“You’re like the third person that’s come in,” The teenager behind the table started as he looked at Clarke. “So maybe third time’s the charm.” He shrugged, he was wearing a football jersey, and his built very clearly told Clarke that he was in the team. “But like, there’s a space on the name tag for pronouns.” His friend handed him a marker that he held it out for Clarke. “And it would be really cool if you could put your’s on it.” He tapped on the one on his chest reading out he/him under his name, Mike.

“Yeah, the last two people kind of just scoffed and rolled their eyes before walking away.” His friend added, Clarke learning his name was Blu and they used they/them pronouns from the name tagged. It made her smile, seems like the school had changed since she was here – but the people from her time hadn’t.

“Actually the first guy was a dick about it.”

“Mike!” Someone called out from the other end of the gym, most likely a teacher. “Language!”

“Sorry!” He called back before looking back at Clarke and holding the sharpie out to her. “So yeah, we’re kinda trying to normalize using our pronouns and it’s been easier with the students here than the adults.”

“I think it’s a great idea.” Clarke smiled at Mike and Blu as she took the sharpie and uncapped it. “You should keep at it,” She said before scribbling her pronouns – she/her – under where her name was printed. “Not everyone’s going to be like them.” She set the pen down and peeled the back of the name tag before sticking it onto her chest. “It was nice to meet you kids,” Clarke said, about to walk away. “I love your badges, by the way.”

Blu beamed at that; there were a good few badges on their denim jacket, mostly pride flags and some about social issues, there was a BLM one, a there’s no planet B, and quite possibly a trans rights one too – on top of the trans flag.

Mike gave Clarke a short nod, “Have a good night, ma’am.”

-

Lexa stopped just short of the entrance to her old high school and took a steadying breath. She didn’t come to the last one – five years ago – but changed her mind this time around. Well, there were a couple reasons as to why – or why not last time. High school wasn’t great for her, it was anything but, being gay wasn’t entirely accepted ten years ago – it still isn’t now, not entirely but it’s a lot better than it used to be – and it was all downhill once she got outed in her sophomore year. It wasn’t great anyways, she didn’t have many friends, found it hard to relate to her peers and after someone – whom Lexa still doesn’t know – found her very hidden online profile and outed her, people took to actively avoiding her if not being homophobic dicks straight to her face.

But she was in a much better place now than back then, than she was ten years ago straight after graduating. It took time though, it took time, and it took effort, and it took a lot of work on her part to overcome what – for the longest time Lexa didn’t want to admit – was nothing short of trauma. Things were good now though; Lexa was in a very good place mentally, she had a banging body, she had a good job, she was doing what she loved – and quite possibly earning more on average than her ex-peers. Yes, maybe that sounded a little cocky but Lexa was proud of herself, she had come a long way after all. There weren’t really people she wanted to see, people she wanted to reconnect with; a part of Lexa wanted to come back only to show everyone how well she was doing now, how she wasn’t everyone’s punching bag anymore, and how she hadn’t crashed and burned like everyone had been rooting for.

Okay, there was one person she did want to see though. Her best friend from back then – her only friend from back then – Clarke Griffin. Lexa didn’t have any friends when she started high school, she was completely alone where no one even knew she existed. It wasn’t until sophomore year, a little after she had been outed, that she met Clarke. Lexa was trying to sneak into the boys bathroom near the end of the day, the girls were mean, they always had something to say about lesbians being predatory, giving her dirty looks, and making it very obvious that they were trying to stay away from her, if not asking her to get out and come back in when no one else was here – to put it nicely. So Lexa had figured the boys bathroom would be less busy, and even it wasn’t entirely empty, guys tended to go in and get out, there was no socializing happening by the urinals.

Clarke was coming out of the bathroom when Lexa went to open the door, the two of them bumping into each other. Lexa was…scared, she didn’t like the guys in their school, all the inappropriate sex comments about how Lexa could be straightened out came from them after all. But well, Clarke ended up being very different from the rest. He asked why she was going into the boys bathroom, more confused than anything else – it was usually boys who tried to sneak into the girls bathroom, not the other way around. After Lexa explained why, he had only nodded understandingly before offering to keep a lookout for her.

And well, that was it, they were friends since that moment, Clarke made sure Lexa didn’t eat lunch alone, made sure to say something if he heard anyone talking about Lexa behind her back, made sure she wasn’t sitting alone in the classes they had together. Hell, he even made sure Lexa had someone to spend her weekends with. He wasn’t like the other boys their age, he was nothing like them – and not once did Clarke try to come on to her, not once did he even ask if Lexa had tried it with guys. And well, he made high school bearable.

But they fell out of touch after school; they were both from a small town in Colorado, and after graduating they both wanted to leave so Clarke went off to Chicago State and Lexa went to Columbia. They talked and texted for the first year or so, then it was calls only on birthdays and texts on other special occasions, and eventually…nothing. They’d probably be Facebook friends, or something online but after her experience in high school, Lexa didn’t really have an online presence outside of what she needed for work. That was the one thing she regretted about not coming to the last reunion, the chance to see Clarke again and quite possibly reconnecting with him. She wanted to, she really did, Lexa regretted losing touch with him, he was very important to her but unfortunately life got in the way for them both.

Tonight would be fine, she wasn’t the scared little girl in high school anymore, no, no she was making headlines in tech sites now and running a very successful company. She was doing good, she was doing great, high school didn’t scare her anymore, it couldn’t hurt her anymore, no one had any more power over her, hell, she felt more powerful and more confident, and if anything, she was the intimidating one now. A small smirk came onto her face this time, she had come a long way. Lexa took a deep breath, straightening her back and squaring her shoulders, finally stepping up the old doors and pushing them open.

Yeah, the night was going to go just fine.

Following the signs to the gym and almost getting lost twice – Lexa really had wiped all memory of this place from her brain – she finally walked into the gym. Wow, looks just like prom, the prom she only went to for ten minutes before leaving for various reasons. She wasn’t sure if the memories that came back were good because there was a sudden shiver that went up her spine and Lexa had to take a moment before stepping up to the table by the entrance. It was mostly full in here, she was a little late – purposefully so – she didn’t want to spend any awkward time by being early with people she very much disliked.

“Lexa Woods,” She said to the kid with pastel pink hair and pride pins on their jacket, smiling a little to herself at seeing that. Maybe things had changed around here, she couldn’t imagine seeing someone being so open with their beliefs and identity at this school. They gave her a short nod and went to look through the list, looking for the name.

“Good evening,” Someone who was very clearly a football player strolled up next to the pink haired kid, and threw his arm around them. It made Lexa stiffen for a moment, panicking for the smaller student because well, her experience with football players weren’t the best. But she relaxed immediately when they playfully shoved him away. “You’re a little late.”

“Fashionably late, kid.” Lexa told him with a light smile. “Saves the awkward conversations with people I don’t wanna see.”

“Valid,” Blu, their name’s Blu, Lexa finally read the name tag, noticing it for the first time. “Here are your drink tickets,” They handed them to Lexa. “And here’s your name tag.”

“If you could put your pronouns on it, that would be great.” The football player, Mike, added as he held out a sharpie for her to take.

“Pronouns?” Lexa asked, her eyes widening slightly in surprise as she took the pen from him and uncapped it. “Did I go to this school?” She joked as she wrote down she/her under her name. “Gotta say, if it was like this back then, I wouldn’t have hated it as much.”

“We’re trying to normalize stating our pronouns.” Mike explained. “This lot,” He pointed at the open space of the gym, motioning towards the ex-students. “Has been more difficult than the entire school put together – teachers included.”

“I’m not surprised.” Lexa nodded, setting the marker down and sticking the name tag onto the breast of her suit jacket. “Nice hair, kid.”

Lexa had been hanging around the sidelines for the past almost ten minutes after having talked to a handful of people, a bottle of very cheap beer in one hand and the other in her pocket as she went about scanning the floor of the old familiar gym. She was looking at the name tags, hoping to find one that didn’t evoke bad memories, or well, ones that she recognized. Lexa had always been bad with names, and ten years was a long time, a lot of them didn’t look the way they used, or anywhere close – god, did they age badly or what, she couldn’t help but think to herself. She took a sip from the bottle in her hand, doing her best to not wince at the taste of it; beer wasn’t her drink of choice, but it seemed to be either that or wine that…shouldn’t quite classify as wine from the smell and look of the bottle. Lexa sighed, she was really looking for one person, and that was Clarke but she couldn’t seem to catch a glimpse of those blue eyes or a name tag with her friend’s name.

“Lexa?”

She heard someone say her name and turned her head to the side, watching a stocky man with a buzzcut and ill-fitting suit approaching her. He didn’t look familiar, but then again, he looked like most of the men she had seen since returning to her hometown. Lexa glanced at the name tag on his breast pocket, it read Joshua Williams – followed by staff sergeant in the space for pronouns, because of course his rank in the military was the same as his pronouns. She let out a small sigh and swallowed the emotions that came from being approached by a White Man™, and one who used to most likely bully her in school. Lexa gave him an acknowledging nod, her face stoic as her eyes went from his name tag and back up to his face.

“Yeah, I joined the army.” He said, following her eyes. “Staff sergeant.”

“Didn’t know that was a pronoun.” Lexa said lightly, forcing out a smile.

“Seemed more important than something that was obvious.” Joshua replied, holding out his hand to shake Lexa’s.

She took it, her grip firm as she shook it. “I’m sorry, I can’t quite place you.”

“I played football,” His face fell, looking disappointed that someone wouldn’t recognize him. “Youngest guy to make quarterback in this town?” Joshua asked, trying to jog her memory.

“Sorry,” Lexa shrugged, she knew exactly who she was, he was a popular kid and those were the ones who made her life a living hell back them. “I wasn’t big on sports, and it’s been a while since high school.”

“Right,” His eyes scanned up and down Lexa’s body, slowly and in a way that made Lexa’s skin crawl. “So have you gotten over that thing you were back in high school?”

Lexa tilted her head, looking at him confused and pretending to not know what he was asking for. “What do you mean?” She asked him innocently.

“Like…” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other uneasily. “Are you still,” Joshua leaned in a bit closer, whispering. “A lesbian?”

Okay, it was getting hard to keep a straight face and a chuckle bubbled out of her involuntarily. “Ah right,” Lexa nodded, bringing the bottle up to her lips to hide the smile. “It’s not something you can grow out of, Josh.”

“I prefer sergeant actually,” He corrected her, and Lexa couldn’t help but snicker as she took a sip of the horrible drink that by no means should be called beer – sure beer wasn’t her favorite drink, but she knew what it was meant to taste like. “And wow, I thought it would be something you’d be able to get over.” Joshua added solemnly. “Things must be hard for you.”

Lexa wanted to laugh, she couldn’t quite remember why she was even worried about coming back. None of this upset her, she got a few weird looks earlier this evening – uncertain whether or not it was because they remembered her as the lesbian one or whether it was because she was wearing a suit that put the guys to shame – but all it did was…make Lexa want to laugh. It was ridiculous, it was hilarious, and Lexa was amused at the way people looked at her and talked to her even now.

“Yeah, yeah.” She nodded, matching his tone. “No, I’m the vice president of a tech company in New York, so I wouldn’t say it’s too bad.” Lexa reached into the inside pocket of her jacket with free hand, looking for her business card. “Polis Tech,” She pulled one out and held it out to Josh. “Maybe you’ve heard of it.” The other people she had talked to looked a little taken aback when they read the card, not quite expecting anyone from their little town to be working at a high position of a company making headlines at the moment – that too, the only out gay person who they all thought would be miserable right now.

But then something caught Lexa’s eyes, a name tag with a familiar name, a name that she actually recognized, the name she had been looking for all night. But the person the name tag was attached to wasn’t someone Lexa recognized. It was her best friend’s name, but the woman wearing the sticker did not look familiar, at all. She was getting punch, dressed in a deep blue dress that went down to her mid-thigh, her hair tousled and falling past her shoulders. Okay, she was pretty, she was beautiful from the little Lexa could see and well, she had to go talk to her. Firstly, it wasn’t someone she recognized even slightly from high school so she was definitely intrigued, and she had her best friend’s name on which meant Lexa had the perfect conversation starter.

“Hold that thought, Private.” Lexa stopped him, Josh was saying something, and she knew very well that that wasn’t his title. “I gotta go, I’ll see you later.” She didn’t wait for a reply before walking away to the direction of the mysterious blonde.

Lexa weaved past the crowd to a couple of feet away, uncertainly approaching the drinks table where the blonde still stood.

“I think you have the wrong name tag,” Lexa started, the woman was looking down at the bowl of punch, studying its contents.

“No,” She said about to turn around, “I’m Cla-” Her face lit up instantly at the sight of the person standing a couple of feet away from her. “Lexa!” She didn’t give Lexa any time to react, or even reply before Clarke was throwing her arms around her old friend and pulling her into a hug.

“Wait,” Lexa could feel the gears in her head turning as they moved away from their hug. “Clarke?” She asked, giving her a very much confused look. “Like, Clarke who used to be my best friend, Clarke?”

“Uh…” She nodded uncertainly, looking down at the floor before replying to Lexa. “Things have changed…a bit since I left high school.”

It took a moment for it to click in Lexa’s head, a moment longer than it probably should have before her jaw practically dropped on the floor. Not at the fact that her old best friend was transgender and that she had no idea until this moment right now, and not by the fact that this was very unexpected, but by the fact that…Clarke was incredibly beautiful, more so than anyone she was expecting to see tonight. Well, Lexa was a kind of useless around beautiful women, and she could feel her brain quite possibly short circuiting at the fact that this was her high school best friend. She cleared her throat, pulling herself together before finally speaking, “You look amazing.” Lexa told her, flashing a smile. “That dress looks beautiful on you.”

Clarke was glad the gym was dimly lit, because she could feel a slight heat creeping up her cheeks at the way Lexa was looking at her with that smile. It was the same smile she had last seen ten years ago, when they were saying goodbye, it was the slightest curl of her lips, her eyes soft and happy. It wasn’t the way anyone else had looked at her tonight, there was always a lot of questioning and prying in just the way they stared at her. A lot of them scanning their eyes over her body, paying a little too much attention to the crotch area because oh, of course they wanted to ask. “And that suit looks great on you.” Clarke told her, finally replying. “You can give all the guys here a run for their money.”

Lexa shrugged, “I do a lot of things better than the guys.”

“You always could.” Clarke reminded, the two of them falling silent and getting lost in the presence of each other, forgetting completely about how they were possibly holding up the line for the snacks and drinks at this table. “It’s been a minute, huh?”

Lexa huffed out a breath, nodding at Clarke. “It really has.” She went to take a sip of her drink but Clarke stopped her, grabbing her wrist. The feeling of her hand on her sent a jolt of electricity up Lexa’s arm, her mouth going dry at just the small contact and needing to tell herself to breath.

“The beer is undrinkable,” Clarke held up her cup of punch instead and leaned closer to Lexa, to her ear to whisper. (And no, Lexa obviously did not freeze at that despite the fact that Clarke’s lips were almost touching her). “Someone spiked the punch, it’s way better.”

Lexa swallowed as Clarke moved back and away from her and she took the cup from Clarke. Her mouth had gone dry and she needed to take a sip before being able to reply, “Definitely better.” She nodded, watching as Clarke got herself another cup.

“I need a little air,” Clarke said to her, her heart pounding but doing her best to sound casual. She was hoping to see Lexa, but well, Clarke wasn’t entirely prepared for it. She had missed her, she had missed her incredibly and seeing Lexa now just made her regret even more losing touch with her. Not to mention all the feelings it brought back. “Wanna step outside with me?”

“Sure.”

“What?” Clarke asked with a smile as they sat on one of the benches by the edge of the football field. They had both left the gym to come outside, Clarke dragging Lexa by the hand along the corridors and stopping her from going to the parking lot by asking her if she remembered the way out to the football field instead. They weren’t leaving yet, it was still early on in the night, but the sky was clear and Lexa would like at least one good memory of the football field.

“Hmm?” Lexa asked, realizing for the first time that she was watching Clarke. “Right, sorry.” She apologized immediately, “I’m not staring staring, I just…” She let out a sigh, “I’ve missed you, it’s been a while.” Lexa told her. “And well…” She sighed, “You’re beautiful, Clarke.” Lexa turned her eyes down, her tone light, “I wasn’t expecting this much of a glow up in ten years,”

“So, it’s an improvement?” Clarke asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Lexa nodded, looking back up at her. “Definitely.” There was no doubt in that. “You look…lighter, happier.”

Clarke took in a deep breath and nodded, “Yeah, I am.”

“Were you worried about coming back?” Lexa asked after a moment, it was quiet out here, the night air cool and calming as the breeze blew past. She was, she had been worried about coming back, Lexa almost changed her mind this morning.

Clarke huffed out a laugh, nodding to Lexa. “You have no idea.” Her voice was quiet and anxious. “Almost didn’t come.”

“Yeah, me too.” Lexa sighed. “There was one person I wanted to see though and that was enough to convince me to come.” She told her uncertainly, nudging Clarke’s shoulder lightly with her’s. It had been ten years since they last sat next to each other, since they last had a conversation in person, so things were a little awkward at the moment, it would take a minute for the nerves to ease between them.

“Wait, me?” Clarke asked, clearly surprised as she turned her head to look at Lexa. “Really?”

Lexa couldn’t help but laugh, replying sarcastically, “No, I was looking forward to seeing Staff Sergeant Josh-something.”

“The dickhead of a football player?” Clarke recognized the name, he had come over to talk to her and yes, she very much noticed that his pronouns were actually his rank in the army. “Yeah, you guys were great friends back in high school.” She matched Lexa’s tone, smiling at her.

“The best.” Lexa laughed, “How do you even remember him?” She couldn’t help but ask.

“Unfortunately, I remember most of them.” Clarke sighed. “But yeah, there was someone I really wanted to see tonight too.”

“Staff sergeant Josh?” Lexa asked with a straight face.

“You’re an idiot.” Clarke couldn’t help but shake her head before turning her tone more serious, “Really though, I missed you.” Lexa gave her a soft smile, wanting to say she did too. “I know you didn’t come to the last reunion and I was really hoping you would to this one.”

“I’m glad I did.” Lexa nodded. “Sorry I left you alone with these guys for the last one.”

“Oh, I didn’t come.” Clarke answered. “I had the girls,” She motioned towards her boobs, “Put in less than a week before the reunion and there was no way I could make it.” She explained. “Besides, I looked awful.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Lexa couldn’t help but add, “If tonight is anything to go by…”

“Why, Lexa Woods, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were flirting with me…?” It came out as a question, because if it was anyone else, it would have definitely come off as flirting. But Clarke didn’t quite think Lexa would be flirting with her, first off, they were friends, and secondly, Lexa had seen her before she had transitioned, before she was herself, before she was a she, so it seemed a little unlikely that she would be flirting with her. Lexa was a lesbian after all, and with her dating experience, Clarke knew how a lot of cis lesbians felt about trans women.

Lexa shrugged, maybe she was, maybe she couldn’t help it because she really thought she knew Clarke but after seeing her tonight, Lexa was more than just a little intrigued and wanted to learn more. “Am I?” She asked in return, “Would you be…opposed to…that…?” Lexa looked at her uncertainly, she didn’t want to overstep, they were childhood best friends so this could be awkward but she couldn’t help it at the moment. Hell, Lexa would have asked Clarke out back in high school if she had known her best friend was actually a girl.

“Didn’t do that in high school, did ya?” It made Clarke a little nervous, made that teenage girl in her come back to chime in in her mind, remind her how big her crush on her best friend used to be. God, if you had told her this then…

“Well…” Lexa trailed off, “I was an idiot back in high school who didn’t know her best friend was this incredibly amazing and beautiful woman.” She shrugged with a shy smile. “I know now, and I’ll regret it if I don’t at least ask.”

Clarke couldn’t help but smile at Lexa, doing her best to fight the tears from filling her eyes at the way Lexa said what she had just said. She didn’t say Clarke was a boy back then, didn’t say she was a girl now so that’s why she was flirting with her. No, Lexa only said she didn’t know her best friend was a girl, it was such a simple way of saying it, such a simple thing to state but it meant so much to Clarke. She had met a lot of people tonight who said things along the lines of so you’re not a boy anymore, or back when you were a guy – and of course there was the are you a really a girl now and are you like…completely a woman now? – and Clarke would be lying if she didn’t hear worse versions of the last two when her back was turned to them.

“Did I say something wrong?” Lexa spoke up in a panic, seeing the tear escape Clarke’s eye. “Because I am really sorry if I did, I didn’t mean to-”

“No. No,” Clarke shook her head immediately, reaching up and carefully wiping the tear away – she didn’t spend literal hours on her makeup to ruin it with tears, god Clarke get a grip, she couldn’t help but tell herself. “God, the opposite Lex.” She touched Lexa’s arm, gently squeezing – and being very surprised at how firm it was, Lexa was a lanky teenager right, or am I forgetting something. “It’s been weird coming back, okay?” Clarke started, “People have said a lot of insensitive things, and asked a lot of questions which you shouldn’t, but you…” Her voice wavered a little and Clarke looked down at the ground. “‘I didn’t know my best friend was a woman,’” She paraphrased what Lexa had said, “You said you didn’t know I was a woman, you didn’t say I was a boy back then, or that I’m a girl now.” She looked back up at Lexa, a gentle smile on her face, “You said it like I’ve always been a woman, and it’s just something a lot of people don’t seem to get.”

Lexa let out a small sigh of relief, she was worried for a moment that she had said something wrong. She could imagine what the others had been like; for people who refused to put their pronouns on their name tags, she could imagine what they might be like to a trans person. “Well, you are.” Lexa told her. “And you always have been, just because we didn’t know doesn’t mean you “used to be” a guy.” She added, making air quotes around used to be.

“I’m glad I came tonight.” Clarke told Lexa with a smile.

“Me too.” Lexa nodded before sighing, “I’m really sorry we lost touch after high school,” She regretted it, she really did. “I was…kind of a mess after graduation and…” Lexa trailed off, “It’s not an excuse, I know. I should have made more of an effort.”

“No, no.” Clarke shook her head, “It’s okay, really.” Her hand was still on Lexa’s – ridiculously firm and toned – upper arm, and Clarke rubbed her thumb over it gently. “I know you were going through some stuff after leaving school.” Lexa had had a terrible time at school, things were awful, and Clarke knew Lexa spent a long time afterwards…healing from it. “Besides,” Clarke gave her a smile, wanting to lightening the mood, “I kind of fell of the face of the Earth when I started transitioning, so it’s not all your fault.”

“Things are better now,” Lexa responded with a nod. “And maybe we can try again…?” She suggested.

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded happily. “I’d like that.”

“So, minus this incredible glow up.” Lexa started, straightening up in her seat. “What else have you been up to, I wanna catch up.”

Turns out, Clarke was living in New York now, for over five years actually. And after talking for a bit, they both learned that they lived about half an hour away from each other. It was actually surprising that they never so much as bumped into each other – well, New York was a big place, a lot of people, but it was still crazy that they’d been living so close for the past half a decade without knowing. Clarke was currently working as a journalist for a fashion magazine that focused primarily on the LGBT community, which came as a surprise to Lexa because last she knew Clarke was pre-med. Turns out, she dropped out of that after the first semester because it wasn’t what she wanted to do. Instead she switched to journalism, loved it from day one and she had been working for The Ark ever since graduating.

Clarke wasn’t surprised when she heard about Lexa, heard about what she was doing – how she was doing in terms of her professional life. Lexa had gone to study computer science in college, she was great at it when they were in school. Clarke might have asked Lexa if she would be willing to do an exclusive for The Ark, yes, it was a fashion magazine and that was what Clarke asked about; if Lexa’s outfit tonight was anything to go by, her wardrobe meant a lot to her, it was her armor, and it most likely had an impact on how it made her feel in the professional world. Lexa agreed, this wouldn’t be the first interview she did with a magazine but it would be very different, possibly more fun because so far they had all been for tech magazines or websites where they talked about her work, and what she was doing now, and she was planning on doing in the future. So yeah, this would be fun.

“Maybe we could meet up sometime before that?” Lexa asked with a small, hopeful smile. “Maybe I can take you out to dinner?”

Clarke couldn’t help but smile at Lexa, letting her head fall as she tried to hide the redness creeping up her cheeks. “You know, I had a massive crush on you back in high school.” She finally admitted. “But I didn’t think I’d ever have a chance ‘coz…you know,” She shrugged, looking back at Lexa.

“Hey, if I knew…” Lexa started. “I would have asked you out back then.”

“Even if I was still in the closet and hadn’t so much started presenting as a girl?” Clarke asked, a hint of hesitation in her voice.

Lexa nodded, not really needing to think about it. “Even then, yes.” It was the truth, it really was. If Clarke had come out to her then, she would have been her best friend who was a girl and nothing else, she wouldn’t have seen her as a guy. She didn’t now, like Lexa had said earlier tonight, she didn’t know her best friend was an incredibly beautiful woman and Clarke had always been that, Lexa just didn’t know. “Because you’re you.” Lexa nudged her shoulder to Clarke’s, wanting to lighten the mood. “You’ve always been you; how you look, how you dress, none of that will ever change that.”

Clarke let out a small sigh, wondering how Lexa had taken it so easily, how she had just taken this in stride, that the person she knew in high school, who she thought was a man…wasn’t, that that person was actually a woman. Lexa just…accepted it in the blink of an eye, the moment she saw Clarke, she was on board with it. If only everyone else in her life had been this easy. God, it wasn’t even this easy for Clarke herself to accept it, to accept that she was trans to accept who she was. She let her head fall on Lexa’s shoulder; it was a little awkward at first, right after they had started talking tonight, but after about ten minutes, it felt like no time at all had passed since they last saw each other. “Really wish I made more of an effort with us,” She told Lexa honestly. “I really missed you,” Clarke swallowed the lump in her throat as tears filled her eyes, not wanting her voice to crack. “You have no idea how much I’ve wondered what it would have been like if I came out to you when I started to transition.”

Lexa contemplated her next move for a moment, thinking before moving her hand to hold Clarke’s, their fingers intertwining. “There’s no point in dwelling in the past.” She told her. “We can’t change what happened, but…” She gently squeezed Clarke’s hand. “Here’s to second chances.”

Clarke nodded, no rush to move away from Lexa just yet. Instead she stayed there, with her head on her best friend’s shoulder, holding her hand, and just sitting in the peaceful silence. Yeah, I’m glad I came tonight. “Second chances sound good.”

“So,” Lexa started, turning her head and looking at Clarke, unable to keep herself from smiling at the way she looked right now. “Dinner? Next weekend?” She asked her again, going back to her last question.

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded, she came up, looking at Lexa with soft eyes. “It’s a date.”

Lexa remained silent for a beat, biting down on her lower lip as she thought to herself, unsure whether or not to speak. “There’s just one more thing,” Clarke looked at her questioningly, “And feel free to stop me, but…” Lexa trailed off uncertainly, “I really want to kiss you…if that’s okay with you.”

Clarke smiled at her, her eyes lowered as her cheeks felt like they were on fire from Lexa’s question. “Yes,” She nodded. “That’s okay with me.”

Lexa didn’t wait any longer, her free hand coming up to cup Clarke’s cheek before bringing her lips to her’s.

“Oh,” Clarke muttered against Lexa’s lips, taking a moment before kissing her back. Her eyes closed as she melted against Lexa, the corners of her lips curled up just slightly as Lexa kissed her softly. Lexa’s nose nudged against Clarke’s turning her head to the other side to get a better angle at Clarke. Her hand came up too, gently grabbing the side of Lexa’s neck, fingers toying with the small hairs at the base. God, she had imagined this so many times back when she was a teenager, imagined how her lips would feel against hers, how her hand would feel on her skin, how it would feel to have Lexa so close to her.

She could feel her lips trembling as Lexa slipped her tongue past her lips, suddenly getting hit with an onslaught of emotions and feelings she wasn’t expecting from just a kiss. But truth be told, the dating scene hadn’t been too kind to her, the last couple of people she dated/went on a date with at least weren’t great. Coming back tonight, seeing everyone else, seeing the way they looked at her and talked about her, Clarke couldn’t have hoped for things to go the way they were going with Lexa. And that wasn’t even mentioning how her feelings for her then-best friend had come crashing back the moment she had seen her.

Lexa tugged Clarke’s lower lip between her teeth before finally coming away, the two of them still close enough to have the tips of their noses touching. “Do you maybe want to leave with me later tonight…?” She was really pushing her luck tonight but things were going quite well so far.

“Wait,” Clarke tilted her head, coming away slightly to give her a questioning look. “You’re serious?”

“Yes,” Lexa stated with a single nod, “If you want to…” She shrugged, not wanting Clarke to feel like she had to. “I’m pretty sure we’re staying at the same hotel.”

“I think you mean motel.” Clarke corrected, their town didn’t have a hotel.

Lexa let out a small laugh, nodding, “Yes, motel.” She carefully rubbed the edge of her lips, trying to clean off Clarke’s lipstick that had smudged onto her. “So, what do you say?”

Clarke had to lower her head, her cheeks were burning and Lexa really seemed to be talented with her tongue. She didn’t have it in her to look up at her right now because her cheeks and tips of her ears had gone red and if she looked up at Lexa, she’d just kiss her again instead of answering. “Yeah,” Clarke finally answered. “I’d love to.”