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No one ever considered the fact that she was content with her lot. She quite likes the quiet lull of the house. While she was lacking a mother figure to push her out into society it wasn’t like she was uneducated. She knew how to greet people of importance, how to hold conversation over tea and sandwiches, and even how to dance- albeit not as graceful as others who would frequent every party put on by the upper class families. Whenever she wasn’t tending to the household chores her time was spent in the personal library, a gift from her father. Hours spent pouring over anything that she could get her hands on, the great moral theorists, mathematicians, various religious texts, and even the occasional romance novel slipped into the shelves by her father.
Life was simple and her pleasures were just as simple. Why disrupt the contentment?
So here she was shuffling from one grand room to another, following dutifully behind her father. She conversed amicably with the wives and their children as her father spoke to the household head.
“You’re so pretty!” One of the children chirps as Haruhi dipped down in a curtsy.
“You are too kind.” Replying back to the bright eyed child. She watched the little girl’s face light up, tugging on her younger brother’s hand.
“Now it's your turn, you say it.”
The little boy in question hidden behind his sibling, using her as a barrier between himself and the young woman. Murmuring softly he repeated after his sister, the compliment getting lost in the crowded sitting room.
Haruhi softened her gaze, crouching down to the little boy’s level. “Thank you, young sir you are too kind.” Sticking out her hand she waited till he tentatively reached out, returning her shake. “And your name, might I ask?”
“Toyo,” his eyes downcast and cheeks flushing a cute shade of pink.
“A fine name for such a courteous gentleman.” Gripping the flowy fabric of her dress she righted herself, smoothing out the many layers of silky material. A favorite of her fathers that was bought and shipped across from the mainland. While she scolded him prior to spending so much on a single garment, her complaints were quieted when he mentioned that it reminded him of something her mother would have worn. He all but beamed a thousand rays of sunlight when she first put it on, from that day she held her tongue and wore the treasured piece with gratitude.
“Thank you.” Toyo replied back with a little more confidence.
The layers of silk settled back along the curves of her body as hands worked to adjust the fit of her waist. She could feel the eyes of others boring into the back of her head like an archer taking aim at an unsuspecting prey. Though the room was filled with constant noise she picked up the subtle jabs.
“Can you believe it? A woman of her age and status continuing to live at home?”
“She must be infertile is she has not been wedded and bedded.”
“Beauty is wasted on that girl.”
“Can you imagine such a small household? No servants. Just the pitiful creature and her father."
Each one grating more and more on her nerves the longer she waited for her father to finish up with his current conversation. Lightly grabbing hold of his hand she waited patiently for a lull in the conversation between the two men.
Her father’s face turned towards her beaming with pride. “Yes darling?”
“Papa, I think I will take a turn around the room if you don’t mind?”
“Certainly!” He exclaimed brightly. “A turn will do you good!” Leaning in closer he brought his face to her ear. “Try not to ruffle too many feathers.” Placing a kiss to her temple he squeezed her hand before returning back to his conversation partner, another gentleman joining in the trivial discussion.
Taking her leave she bowed politely, shuffling out of the room in search of reprieve. The house was stately but not overly embellished with precious metals and ornate paintings. Her eyes wandered the room, which was a mistake because everywhere she turned the eyes of others were flicking away quickly.
This is why she hated going out into society. It seems like people have lost their sense of tact and propriety. Didn’t they know it is impolite to stare- more so gape shamelessly? Shaking her head she repeated the words her father told her under her breath, “try not to ruffle too many feathers.” She wasn’t even doing anything and already people were ruffled. “So much for pleasant conversations.”
Weaving her way to the back of the home, she found a less occupied cluster of seats whose occupants seemed more inclined to sit and watch rather than converse about trivial topics. While this room in particular was less populated she still couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. Her hopes of escaping the whispers were futile.
“Already 20 and childless.”
“To think I toyed with the idea of introducing my son to her? A misfortune dodged.”
“Do you think she is mentally deficient?”
“I think you’re mentally deficient.” She grumbled mockingly, rising from her seat. Quiet snickers erupted around her as individuals gave her sideways glances. Huffing quietly, Haruhi made her way back to the front of the house and veered to the east wing of the estate, towards the grand hall. The sounds of jovial stringed instruments filled the room, from floor to ornate crowning decorating the ceiling. If there was one place in this godforsaken estate where people would be less inclined to speak in would be here.
The air was warm and humid as bodies twirled and jumped along to the lively tune being played by the band. Squeals of glee cutting through the air as partners spin and prance around each other. The feeling was electric and contagious, the previous sour feeling in the pit of her stomach dissipating with each laugh and note echoed off the walls. The swooshing of flowy fabrics and clicks of dress boots adding to the symphony of sounds. While she didn’t quite share an equal enthusiasm for dancing, just seeing others enjoying themselves was enough to lighten her heart.
Here, everyone would be wrapped up in seeking the attention of others rather than sticking their noses into business they need not to stick it into. No one would dare ask the old maid to a dance. All she would need to do is turn around the room a few times and be lost within the moving bodies to be paid any attention too.
The hairs on the back of her neck standing on end, the feeling returning in full force. Chancing a brief glance around the room she searches quickly to find the culprit of the undesired attention. With no luck, she sighs and continues to slowly work her way to the front of the grand room.
An eruption of loud giggles draws her attention to a large group of people huddled near the wall. There, at the center of all the noise a singular individual stands out a head above the rest, eyes tracking her every move as she slows to a stop.
This .
This is the feeling she has had all night.
The feeling of being watched.
The feeling of being evaluated.
While all the other females giggle and coo at the man, his eyes stay trained on her.
For a brief moment, the women all turn to see what or who has caught the attention of their object of affection. Scoffing, one barks over the rest. “Oh, Lord Kasanoda pay no mind to her,” the woman’s gaze pinning Haruhi in place, “she is of no noble rank to deserve such attention from your lordship.” A long lock of auburn hair sweeps across his pale cheek, the rest tied back with a silken ribbon.
“Hm.” Lord Kasanoda hums as the bubbly woman whispers amongst her peers.
And so the mocking continues, Haruhi cannot bear to listen to more meaningless speculation. Giving a small bow to the lord she quickens her pace before the next round of gossip begins.
“She’s but a common woman of no notable value.”
“What kind of woman can she be without a mother?”
“I heard her father dresses in women’s clothing while not out in society.”
Not even a marriage will save her from continued gossip. Without the prospect of moving towns or earning the interest of a potential match her options dwindle to nothing.
Outcasted by society.
And for what?
It was not of her control that her mother passed due to illness. It wasn’t her fault that her father never remarried, how could he after falling in love so deeply? It wasn’t her fault that her interests lie in knowledge and not fretting about peacocking herself to the highest bidder.
And yet she can’t help but cherish her life. Though she had no say in the matter of her mother’s passing, the home was still filled with love and laughter. Her father still doted on her, heaping love after love for his daughter. Together they made the best out of their situation. If that meant enduring year after year of mocking she would gladly endure.
But this situation...this was almost too much to bear. It was one thing to hear slander and gossip about herself. That she could handle with relative ease. But to hear such words spoken about her father, that struck right to the core.
Coming along with her father was a terrible idea but it was so hard to deny him the pleasures of seeing his little girl dressed up, the spitting image of his deceased wife. How could she not indulge him in this way? She would do anything for him, and he in return. Brushing away at the corners of her eyes she straightens her posture. Haruhi will not give the chirping women the satisfaction of causing her pain. With renewed fervor, she manages to make her way to the front of the room and secure a nice place close to the piano, her body turned away from prying eyes. Standing so close she could almost drown out the voices in the room.
As the song winds down, the room offers their appreciation to the band. The room that was once filled predominantly with the sounds of strings and keys morphs into idol chatter as the band tune their instruments and prepare for the next round of dance. Ladies disperse from the center of the room seeking out a quick drink and a new partner for the next set. Haruhi watched as black and brown haired women bob and weave between other party goers.
“Excuse me, miss?” A light tenor voice called out amid the quiet chatter.
Paying no mind Haruhi continues to observe the room. She recognizes a few familiar faces from those who frequent the markets and those who her father frequently visits with. While cordial in their home, none would dear approach her in the public setting such as this.
“Miss?” A voice called out again.
A gentle tap against her shoulder, brings her attention to the young man setting at the piano bench offering a white handkerchief. “Me?” She asks.
“Yes!”
Her eyes watched the man’s light hair dance and he shook his head eagerly. A foreigner. She thought to herself.
“It may be rather forward of me but you have the most beautiful colored eyes that I have ever seen. Far too pretty to be used to cry in a corner.” His voice was soft and the compliment awfully sincere.
“Rather forward indeed,” her eyes downcast, “I apologize for disturbing your playing.” Taking the offered cloth she dabbed the corners of her eyes. Folding it back up into a neat square she gives it back to the pianist.
“Oh, that’s- not...sorry.” His face turning back towards the keys, tucking his handkerchief back into his blazer pocket. “I mean you have a lovely presence, quite different from others that linger around the piano.”
Looking back up she grins, “thank you. That is very kind of you. But the only good that different brings here is glares and gossip.” Again, she can’t help but look around the room noting the eyes that flick away from her.
“I have come to learn that in my years of travel and playing, those that are considered different are the ones who deserve the most out of life.” He face cracking into a blinding smile.
“Do you freely speak so flatteringly to every maiden you lay your eyes on?” Haruhi smirking in response.
“Chérie, you wound me so!” Feigning hurt, he drew up his hand clutching his chest. “I’ll have you know that every maiden I have seen is deserving of such words.” One of the other musicians knocks a knuckle to the side of the piano, drawing his attention back to starting the next set of music. “That’s my cue. It was nice talking to you miss!”
“Haruhi.”
“Pardon?” Cocking his head to the side in confusion.
“My name is Haruhi.” She repeats again.
“A pleasure speaking with you Lady Haruhi.” Holding out the palm of his hand he gestures for her to return in kind.
Extending her hand towards the piano player, she smiles warming. Her fingers brush against his warm skin. “And your name sir?”
“René Tamaki Richard de Grantaine Suoh. But usually my friends just call me Tamaki for short.” His fingers curl around her finger tips, leaning down he presses a short kiss to her knuckle. “As your official new friend I suggest a set on the floor to liven up your mood.” Winking he releases her hand as the stringed instruments begin the start of a jovial tune. The twinkling notes of the higher register of the piano join in with the strings rounding out the full sound of the music.
Haruhi watches as Tamaki’s eyes close and the corner of his mouth quirk as his fingers dance across the ivory keys. While they both might be outcasts he has found his freedom. The piano calls out to him and he returns it’s love freely and with his whole being. It almost feels too intimate to Haruhi to continue to watch him intertwining his soul into the piano. But it is a much better view than the ever constant judgement from others in the room.
To her left, a figure looms quietly a few feet away watching her, again. It’s unnerving to be watched. His eyes searching hers. But for what? What could he want from her? She inclines her head towards the young lord, paying respect to his position over hers. To her utter disbelief, the lord approaches her slowly, offering her his elbow. Shaking her head she speaks first, “it would be of your best interest if you found a more suitable partner.”
“Already instructing a Lord what he ought to or not ought to is rather bold, considering I know not your name.” The melodic notes of his voice hum pleasantly in her ears.
A subtle flush of pink reddens the apples of her cheeks. “My apologies but it matters not of my name only that you do not associate with someone of my status.”
Reaching for her hand he tucks it snuggly into the crook of his arm. “You still have not given your name.”
Proper etiquette would dictate that Haruhi would not refuse the offer of a dance of someone well above her station but for his sake she would make an exception. “Pardon Lord Kasanoda but I am not as well versed in dancing as some of my other peers. Should you just take another turn around the room you would find more than a few willing partners.” Her hand slowly separates from its resting place.
Bringing up his other hand he guides Haruhi’s hand back to its proper place on his elbow. “Perhaps it is not a suitable dance partner that I am seeking but more so someone who has more than free fluttering birds trapped between their shoulders.”
Haruhi chuckles lightly at the insult. “I am not sure what you are seeking from a conversational partner but I will try my best to provide adequate entertainment.” She pushes closer to the Lord as he leads her back through the throng of party goers. A servant passes by with a tray filled with glasses and sparkling drinks. Grabbing two they continue their way to find a quieter spot to reconvene their conversation. Instead of leading her back to the back of the home he takes a share turn and leads her up a set of grand stairs. The sounds of the party grow quieter the further they walk through the empty hallway. “Should we not venture too far away from the others? What would the owner of the home say if they found us touring their home without permission?”
A quiet chuckle bounces off the halls. “Considering it is my home, I think I am quite alright with walking wherever with whomever I chose to.”
Haruhi stops mid step. “What?”
“I said it was fine did I not?” Kasanoda asked, turning to look at his company.
“What will the others think of you bringing me up here? You really, really shouldn’t be seen with me then. Nothing good will come of this. Excuse me.” She bows again quickly turning her back to him and retreating back to the stairs.
“Wait? Please?” He calls out, his voice almost soft, a hint of desperation.
“You know not who I am or what would bring if you choose to associate with me.” She says without turning, her fingers clutching the loose fabric of her dress tightly.
“Why does it matter what others say?” His steps quiet as he pads closer.
“I am sure you have heard plenty of what others have said about me without knowing exactly who it is they are speaking about.” Haruhi grits out.
“Possibly but you have still yet to tell me your name, though I have asked you many times.” His hand slides down the length of her arm, releasing the hold she has on her dress.
Warmth radiates from his fingers the longer they linger on her skin. “If I tell you who I am will you allow me to do damage control from your impulsive behavior?”
“The only damage control I will need will be after the party when others are cleaning up all the spilled drinks that have managed to stick to every surface. But your name would be a great start.”
Sighing, she turns back around to face him. “My name is Haruhi Fujioka. I am the only daughter to Ryoji and the late Kotoko Fujioka. Now please will you allow me to go?” Kasanoda’s fingers tentatively slot themselves between hers.
“Are you not going to ask me for my name Haruhi Fujioka, daughter of Ryoji and Kotoko Fujioka?” His lips quirking into a small grin.
“Lord Kasanoda.” Haruhi draws.
“It’s Ritsu by the way.” Placing his glass on a nearby table he plucks the half filled glass from Haruhi’s hand as well, leaving it with the other. The subtle sounds of music drift up the stairwell. “Perhaps I could convince you that I too am also a poor dance partner?” Taking her hands in his he adjusts their positions.
“I thought you said you were looking for a conversational partner and not a dance partner?” She asks before her body leans into the beginnings of a simple box step.
“That I did but would you indulge me by doing both in tandem?”
“You’re rather peculiar.”
“Are you mocking the color of my hair, because if you are it is nothing that I never heard before.” He replies back smoothly, taking a slightly larger step forward, sending them further into the darkness.
“It was not a pointed remark of the color of your locks, rather an observation of you in your entirety.” She reiterates. “Who else in their right mind would be doing what you are doing at a party where you are the guest of honor?”
“I could ask the same, since it takes two to complete a proper couples box step.” He grins, pushing her out into a small twirl and tugging her back closer, closing the previous proximity of their bodies. Now pushed chest to chest.
Warm breath ghosts against the creamy expanse of her exposed neck, sending a shiver down her frame. “That is where your retort falls short Lord Kasanoda.” She breathes. “You see I am no honored guest, merely a child attending on behalf of the wellbeing of her father.” The hand that was resting on her waist slides back, securing its place firmly against her lower back. It’s intoxicating being held as such. Being treated like she was something more than her status. The feeling something akin to desire.
“Do you always do that to yourself?” His lips brushing against the out shell of her ear. “Try as you might you are not convincing me that you do not actually care what others say.”
Her hands free themselves, pushing the lord away. “It matters not what they say about me but it matters what they say about those that associate with me. No matter which road I walk or which path I take I am nothing more to them than a common woman born to two common parents. In their ignorance, they do not understand the hurt that they cause others from what they say so flippantly. So yes, maybe you are correct in that I am not a machine. That the words that they say cause me heartache but it is not on my behalf but of my father’s and late mother’s.”
“I meant no harm in my observation. Only that it seems that the burden you carry is one you choose to carry alone.” Slowly he reaches out to her grasping her hand gently on bended knee. “Please accept my sincerest apology for being one who may have spoken out of my station.”
“What are you- get up.” Haruhi pulls his hand, tugging him back up to a stand in front of her. “Who does something like that? You hardly know me.” She groans, pressing two fingers to her temple.
“I would like to change that, if you would allow me.” Lord Kasanoda’s thumb glides over her knuckles.
“Why me?” Honestly. She thinks to herself. No one wants to be associated with someone like me. Nobody cares enough to try.
“You are by far the most interesting person I have had the pleasure of speaking to since this event started. Why would I not want to speak with you further?” He retorts, drawing her in easily. His hand cupping the side of her cheek hesitantly.
“I’m not who you think I am.” Glancing up she stares deeply into his dark irises. The warm pad of his thumb brushing her cheek. And now more than ever she realizes just how much her shunning from society has affected her. Even something so simple as a touch from a stranger has opened her up in ways she never imagined. Her guard lowered to dangerous levels.
“Well neither am I. There is always more to a person than the hearsay that comes from others.” Lord Kasanoda’s other hands come up to cradle the back of her head ever so gently. “Will you allow me to know you Haruhi?”
Their lips are but a breath apart, the warmth of their exhales mixing and mingling between them. The resolve she once held melting like ice on a warm summer day. Neither want to look away, wrapped so intently in the moment. The barest brush of lips is all they feel before a loud cough cuts through the air.
“Pardon me, Lord Kasanoda, but you are being requested to propose a toast.” The butler’s voice popping the carefully crafted moment.
Haruhi’s posture stiffens, rocketing herself out of the lord’s embrace.
Groaning, Ritsu turns properly facing the hired help. “Very well. A moment?”
“I do believe a moment can be spared for the guest of honor.” The butler bows and retreats back the way he came.
“I do most sincerely apologize for the interruption. It seems I am being called to perform my hostly duties. But before I take my leave, do you accept?”
Haruhi hesitantly nods, not trusting herself to speak.
“Good, if I am not able to speak with you again before you depart please know that I had a wonderful time dancing and conversing with you tonight. I will send a carriage tomorrow to your estate mid morning so we can enjoy a late brunch.” Grabbing her hand he places a short kiss upon her knuckle. “It was nice to meet you Haruhi Fujioka.”
Clutching her hand to her chest she smiles back at him. “Likewise, Ritsu Kasanoda.”