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"Mother."
Amanda smiled at the sight of her son, standing to greet her. He was dressed in his uniform without a hair out of place, hands automagically clasping behind his back as he rose. He would have greeted anyone the same way, but when she went in for a hug, he obliged her, even if he didn't return it.
Spock wasn't the son she'd thought she would have when she was a girl. But he was the only one she wanted, all the same.
"It's good to see you, Spock."
"And you. Thank you for agreeing to meet with me."
"Of course. You know all you have to do is ask."
He didn't respond, not that she had expected him to. Amanda always told him when she was at a starbase in the Enterprise’s path, and Spock acknowledged, but he'd never asked to see her before. He always said it was his duty to stay on the ship, so crew members who needed shore leave were able to take it. Amanda hadn't been able to argue; it was a logical perspective.
"Tea?" he asked, seating himself and nodding to a pot in front of him.
"Yes, thank you." Her impulse, even after all her years on Vulcan, was to fill the space between them with talk, to ask after his ship and his recent mission, but she refrained. Spock wrote to her regularly, so she knew already all the things he wanted to tell her about his life.
Except for whatever had made him ask to see her.
They sipped their tea in silence, and that alone would have been enough for her. If all Spock had meant to do was spend time with her because he knew she'd enjoy it, she would have been content. Thrilled, even.
Once his teacup was empty, he spoke. "I had a question for you."
"Yes?"
He poured himself another cup, looking down at his hands on the mug. A very human pose.
"I was wondering how you came to choose my father as your mate."
She guarded her surprise like a jewel. "Were you?"
"I have now served many years with humans. And it--" He paused, took a sip of tea. "It surprises me that a human would decide to spend her life with a Vulcan. That the bond would be sufficient for your emotional needs."
It was Amanda's turn to sip her tea, turning Spock's words over in her head. "It's not what I expected," she said, picking each word with care. "I never planned to fall in love with your father, and once I had, I didn't believe he could feel the same way."
"Did he?"
"Not the exact same, I suppose. I was so sure at first that he could never feel anything for me, that it was a lost cause."
Spock let out an odd huff. "Why did you want him to?"
"I don't understand the question."
"What could you have possibly seen in my father?"
The frustration burst out of every syllable, jarring and discordant. It was loud enough someone at the next table noticed, looking over with mild alarm.
Amanda sipped her tea, maintaining her own placidity. "Have you spoken with your father recently?"
"No. Why would I have?”
"I'm happy to answer your questions, Spock, but it would help to know why you're asking them."
"As I said, I have served with humans for many years. I can understand how a Vulcan might develop an interest in a human. But I cannot understand how a human could reciprocate. I was--curious."
There was certainly more to it than that, but pressing him only ever got her so far. "Surely humans have shown romantic interest in you before. Did you understand that?”
"They have, and I did not." Another pause. "There was an incident. Approximately two years into our five-year mission. We encountered a woman who had hoped we would have a romantic relationship during our previous acquaintance. At that time, I was unable to return her feelings, but on the planet there was--" He shook his head. "The specifics are unimportant. I was compromised by some of the planet's native flora. I thought I loved her, and she loved me. That we were happy."
"And?"
"Once I left the plant's influence, I realized I was mistaken. But I also--"
When he seemed unable to find the words, Amanda let herself reach out, to put her hand on her son's arm, the smallest comfort. He had never spoken like this before, never sought her out for advice. Whatever emotion was bubbling to the surface, it was nothing compared to what he had shoved down.
"I found myself wondering if she had ever truly felt anything for me. If she would have been happy with the Spock she had first known, if I had not been compromised. Perhaps she would have always expected me to act like a human, if I returned her feelings. I could not have made her happy without the plant's influence."
"And you think other humans would be the same? That they would expect you to change for them?"
"Humans are--passionate. Demonstrative. Vocal. Romantic. That is how they show affection. I assume they expect the same from their partners."
"Not all humans are like that."
"Many are."
Amanda took a sip of tea, debating with herself. "The one you wish to bond with is."
Panic flashed across his face, just for a second, and then the calm washed over him. He raised one eyebrow. "I never said I wished to bond with anyone."
"No. But can you say you don't?"
Spock didn't lie, but there was a wide open space between a lie and the truth, and there he was comfortable. Amanda wasn't going to let him stay.
His shoulders slumped, and he admitted, "I cannot."
"I thought not." She offered him a smile. "I went to my mother too, you know. When I was unsure about your father's regard. I didn't expect him to change for me--I liked him as he was. I liked that he was honest and loyal, and once I got the hang of his sense of humor, I liked that too. I enjoyed talking to him and spending time with him. But I had no idea what Vulcan courting was like, and of course, I couldn't ask him. He wouldn't have told me anyway. So I asked my mother how I could tell if someone loved me if he wouldn't say it, and she told me if the only way I knew a man loved me was because he said it, then he didn't love me."
Spock frowned. "I do not understand."
"Actions speak louder than words. When she said it, I realized my father was the same way. He wasn't good with saying how he felt, but he showed it. He liked to make things, useful things. Everything in my room, the bed and the dresser, the dollhouse, he made it all himself. I don't remember him telling me he loved me, but I never doubted that he did."
"So your relationship with your own father prepared you for your relationship with Sarek."
She laughed. "I didn't mean it like that, but maybe it did. What I'm trying to tell you is that you don't have to show love the way humans do. And any human worth loving will love you the way you are. Although," she added, in the spirit of honesty, “it is nice to hear it sometimes."
"Does Father tell you he loves you?"
"Enough."
Spock was looking down at his tea again. "I am--unsure how to proceed. There is no logical next step."
"Do you think this human returns your regard?"
"I do not know."
"Then there's only one logical next step. You have to ask."
"I am sure there are other, equally logical next steps. I simply have yet to find them."
Amanda smiled. "Yes, I'm sure."
*
"Mrs. Sarek!"
Amanda turned, surprised to find Captain James Kirk jogging to catch up with her. He gave her the bright, Starfleet smile she remembered from their first meeting on the Enterprise and fell into step at her side.
"I thought that was you. Sorry to shout, but I was afraid I'd lose you in the crowd."
"I don't mind. But I wish you'd call me Amanda. It's the least you can do, if you're going to chase me down in crowded starbases."
"You're right. Amanda it is."
"What can I do for you, Captain?"
"To start with, you can call me Jim. Fairs fair. And I was hoping you'd let me buy you a drink and bring you back to the ship after."
"To the ship?"
"Spock's on the bridge, but I'd be happy to relieve him so the two of you can see each other. I had no idea you were here, or I would have insisted he come to begin with."
"He doesn't want to deprive the rest of you of your leave." And, Amanda suspected, he didn't want any follow-up questions from their last conversation a few months ago. If he had taken the logical next step and it had gone well, Amanda thought he would have informed her. That he hadn't meant, she suspected, that he had yet to act, and not that he had been rejected. He might not have told her if he had, but she wanted to believe she would have known.
"Which is why we'll have a drink first. I assume you're not much for alcohol, living on Vulcan, but we can have some tea or coffee and chat, and then I'll bring you back. He can't say I haven't taken my share of leave then."
"Well, how could I say no to such a kind offer?"
In truth, Amanda was curious about the Captain. Her son clearly held him in high regard, and it had surprised her when she realized. Jim Kirk was--
She stumbled, tripping over her own feet, and Jim caught her with a shock of contact. She wasn't sensitive to touch like Vulcans were, but she was touched so rarely, living among them. She wasn't used to it like she had been.
"Are you all right?"
Jim Kirk was passionate, wasn't he? Everyone in Starfleet had heard the rumors about him. He was the kind of human who was unsubtle with his feelings, big and bold.
And he cared, very deeply, for her son.
"Yes," she said. "Not used to the gravity yet, I suppose."
"Of course." He smiled again, and Amanda felt so sure, suddenly. She didn't know how she hadn't seen it sooner.
Jim went to pick up the tea while Amanda selected their seats. He found her waiting at a corner booth, far from the bustle of the station, and settled in across from her, sliding her drink across the table. While Amanda was placid, Jim was all energy, but there were nerves there, too, lurking under the surface of his exuberance. His leg bounced as if it couldn't stay rooted to the ground.
She waited.
"How have you been? How's the ambassador?"
"We've both been well. Spock told me about your last mission, it sounded quite exciting."
Unlike Vulcans, humans never minded telling a story you already knew. And Jim's version was quite different from Spock's. He was an engaging storyteller, dramatic and self-deprecating, and Amanda tried to see him through her son's eyes.
He wasn't the human she would have chosen for Spock, if she was honest. She would have thought someone quiet, a researcher or scientist, someone more Vulcan, but seeing Jim, she could tell it would have been a mistake. If Spock wanted a Vulcan, he could have a Vulcan. He didn't need to find the most Vulcan human he could, and it wouldn't have been good for him.
But Jim could be. It was easy to forget that Spock was as much her son as Sarek's, and Spock had tried to forget too. But Jim Kirk had him so rattled that he'd come to his mother for dating advice.
She never thought she'd see the day.
"Is the Ambassador with you?" Jim asked, once he'd wound down.
"No, he has business on Earth. I'm on my way back to join him."
"What are you doing this far out?"
"Exploring. I may not be in Starfleet, but I like to see the galaxy. When Sarek is busy, he doesn't have time for much else. I found I preferred taking trips on my own. When we see each other again, it's all the sweeter."
"If you don't mind, can I ask how the two of you met?"
"I thought it was obvious." Jim cocked his head, and she smiled. "He’s the Vulcan ambassador to Earth."
"I never met an ambassador when I was on Earth," he countered. "There must be more to the story."
"Not as much as you might think. I was a teacher. I brought my classes to visit the embassies, to familiarize them with other races."
"And Ambassador Sarek noticed you?" He had his chin propped in his hand, listening like he loved nothing more than a good romance.
Amanda's heart twisted. "He did. Not many school groups came to the Vulcan embassy, apparently. He wanted to know why we did. It turned into me teaching him about all kinds of Earth customs. I told him an ambassador should be better informed, and he saw the logic in it."
"It must have been--complicated. Dating a Vulcan."
"We got a few dirty looks, but San Francisco is fairly progressive. I wasn't the first woman getting dinner with an alien."
"Oh, I didn't mean it like that." He dropped his gaze to the table, and with a lurch of certainty, Amanda knew. "I was thinking that it must be hard, figuring out how a Vulcan feels about you. With such different concepts of romance."
"It was, a little. But Vulcans make it very clear if they don't think you're worth their time, you know."
Jim huffed a laugh. "That's certainly true."
"I won't say it was easy. But I can say it's worth it."
"I have no doubt. Not," he added quickly, "that I think the Ambassador is--"
"No, I didn't think we were talking about my husband."
He ran his hand through his hair. "I'm practically transparent, aren't I? I'm always like this. I should just take out ads, it would be less obvious."
"Always like this?" she asked, with Vulcan calm. "Does it happen a lot?"
"No," he admitted, voice gone soft. "No, it's never happened like this before."
"I saw my son a few months ago," said Amanda, swirling the tea in her cup. "We've been on starbases together a few times since we met on the Enterprise, but this was the first time he made time to see me. He wanted to ask about my relationship with his father too."
Jim Kirk was certainly sharp. He would have to be, to keep up with Spock. "Did he?"
"He wanted to know what humans saw in Vulcans. How we could be happy together."
"He didn't say happy."
"Not in so many words."
"He knows a lot of humans," said Jim. "Mostly humans, really. I'm not surprised he was wondering about it. He doesn't have a lot of other prospects."
"Captain," Amanda said, her use of the title deliberate. "I'm breaking my son's confidence to talk to you about his emotions. Do you think I'd do that, if I wasn't certain?"
Jim's shoulders slumped. "No, I don't suppose you would." He cleared his throat. "So--what did you tell him?"
Amanda considered. "That Vulcans can be Vulcan and still be loved. Even by humans."
He nodded. "Good advice. Got any for me?"
"I told him he doesn't have to say the words, that he can show love instead." She paused, but this was her son's happiness at stake. This was the wrong time to hold back. "But I think he might find it easier to say if someone else said it first."
"The words have always been the easy part for me," said Jim. "What I'm good at."
"Well, that works out nicely, doesn't it?"
He laughed, shook his head with a disbelieving smile playing on his lips. "Yes, I suppose it does."
*
"Amanda!"
Jim wrapped her up in a hug, lifting her off the floor in his enthusiasm. Amanda laughed, barely getting a chance to hug back before he'd put her down. His eye caught Sarek and he straightened, raising his hand in a Vulcan greeting he must have practiced. "Ambassador."
"Captain," said Sarek. He turned his attention to his son. "Spock."
"Father. Mother." She hugged him and he hugged back. It felt as if he was a little more comfortable with the action, but Amanda might have been reading into things. As a human, she knew she was prone to romanticizing, and her son's bond was easy to romanticize.
Still, when she looked at him, she thought she really could see it. Spock looked easier, more comfortable in his own skin. Miniscule differences humans wouldn't even notice that screamed at Amanda.
Sarek wouldn't be pleased, but, as she kept reminding him, he'd bonded with a human himself. It would be illogical for him to disapprove of his son doing the same.
"I'm glad the two of you could make time to see us," she said. "It must be strange, to be coming to the end of your mission."
"We were aware of the length of the mission when we began," Spock pointed out. "The ending is not unexpected."
"But obviously things will change," Jim put in. "I'm not looking forward to being planetbound, to be honest."
"So you plan to request another long-term exploration assignment?" asked Sarek.
"We're still making up our minds. After all, it isn't only my decision."
"I am not opposed to a second exploration mission."
Jim smirked. "I'm aware, Mr. Spock. I was speaking, of course, of Starfleet command."
"Of course, Captain."
Sarek cleared his throat, but Amanda was smiling. Jim didn't expect Spock to be anyone but himself. "We do not have much time. If you wish to have tea, we should go to the establishment."
"You're right, Ambassador." Jim offered Amanda his arm. "Shall we, Amanda?"
It was going to be nice, having another human in the family again. She and Jim had already started a regular correspondence, discussing their Vulcans, their lives, keeping each other up to date on the kinds of things humans are interested in. The kinds of things Spock, through no fault of his own, didn't think of.
And that was what a bond mate should be, really. Someone who filled in the gaps.
Amanda patted Jim's hand. "Yes, I believe we shall."